Work Text:
EGO added Isagi, Bachira, Chigiri and 18 others to "blue lock"
EGO: is that everyone
EGO: shit
EGO added baldy to the chat
Baldy: Why is my name baldy
EGO: cause i forgot it lmao
Otoya: damn thats crazy
Tabito: he makes a valid point tho
Tabito: idk his name either
Baldy: My name is Igarashi
Tabito: nice to meet you igawachi
Isagi: Guys I'm sorry to interrupt but does anyone know who (042) 162-8562 is?
Isagi: 
Shidou: wow whoever that is must be a loser am i right guys
Aiku: aint that you bro?
Shidou: no
Aiku: no i swear thats your alternative number you told me that it was
Shidou: STOP
Bachira: LMAO SHIDOU WHO WERE YOU EVEN TRYNA HIT UP???
Rin: My brother.
Aiku: SAE?????
Shidou: GUYS HE LIKES ME I SWEAR
Reo: this is actually so sad to watch
Chigiri: I wouldn't be talking if I were you.
Niko: didnt your boyfriend break up with you for some other bitch
Bachira: 'some other bitch' IT WAS LITERALLY ISAGI
Hiori: I didn't know you were a homewrecker like that, Isagi...
Isagi: IM LITERALLY NOT
Isagi: NAGI DIDNT BREAK UP WITH HIM FOR ME
Nagi: well
Kurona: now thats just cruel
Otoya: dang i dont even break up with my partners cause of another person
Tabito: yea cuz you cheat on them first
Aiku: Otoya W
Chigiri: ????? No
Gagamaru: Back to the topic at hand, why was Shidou trying to flirt with Itoshi Sae
Shidou: cause im the RIZZ GOD.
Rin: Never say rizz in my presence again.
Nanase: What is rizz?
Rin: Something that ugly people say to try and convince themselves that they have game.
Shidou: rin-rin is anti rizz?!?!?!?!?
Yukimiya: Rin is anti-everything.
Aryu: Not true, I saw him watching videos of babies crying once and he seemed to enjoy it.
Shidou: omg i love those
Shidou: thats my future brother in law guys
Rin: kys my brother doesnt even like you
Rin added Sae to “blue lock”
Rin: Tell that thing that you don’t like him please
Sae: Shidou? If I tell him that his performance might hinder.
Raichi: WHAT KINDA PERFORMANCE??
Sae: I wouldn’t want that for my little demon.
Kurona: Um
Isagi: ▇▇▇▇▇▇
Chigiri: WOAH BUDDY
Chigiri: WE TALKED ABT THIS
Aryu: I wasn’t expecting Itoshi Sae to be called a slur in chat today but here we are
Hiori: This is every Wednesday with Isagi
Bachira: the demons got to him
Niko: he hasn’t spoken since the nagi homewrecker allegations and the first thing he says is that
Aiku: tbf i dont think hes wrong “my little demon” headass
Otoya: so when isagi says slurs its cool but when i “accidentally” watched Chica fnaf hentai it wasnt?
Niko: literally nobody asked
Shidou: cock
Niko: WHAT DID I JUST SAY
Tabito: technically if you thik about it, Chica is a cock
Tabito: because she is a chicken
Chigiri: cock tastes so good lightly seasoned
Aiku: i have cock every tuesday for dinner
Gagamaru: I really enjoy kentucky fried cock
Bachira: Kunigami is a cockalorum
Kunigami: What?
Niko: bachira just says the most random shit
Yukimiya: Cockalorum means a self-important little man.
Kunigami: I am not little.
Shidou: are we still talking about cock?
Reo: everything reminds me of him…
Otoya: ok buddy
Chigiri: Yk that reminds me, I wanted to ask you guys a question
Chigiri: Who do you think is the most baby girl out of everyone here?
Tabito: I mean it has to be you right, princess?
Aryu: I mean he is the most fabulous out of everyone here
Otoya: im surprised you didnt say hiori, tabito
Tabito: YOURE RIGHT
Bachira: hear me out, isagi
Aiku: i think youre just biased bachira
Aiku: its me, obviously
Sae: Definitely not.
Rin: Definitely not.
Kurona: He got comboed.
Chigiri: No you guys are all wrong
Chigiri: It’s Barou
Kunigami: Barou?
Bachira: Is that jealousy I smell?
Chigiri: He cooks, he cleans, he does yoga, he does his hair up nice and fancy for when the husband comes home (read: isagi)
Isagi: WHY AM I SOMEONE ELSES BITCH THIS TIME
Bachira: It’s always Nagi’s Isagi, Barou’s Isagi, but never Bachira’s Isagi :(
Kunigami: Is that jealousy I smell?
Gagamaru: I thought Isagi was with that Kaiser twink
Raichi: DID YOU JUST CALL KAISER A TWINK
Barou: what the fuck is a baby girl
Chigiri: Um it’s someone who is super good at what they do
Barou: like football?
Chigiri: Yes!
Barou: damn right i'm a baby girl
Hiori: While we are asking complicated questions
Hiori: What came first, the chicken or the egg?
Raichi: WHY ARE WE TALKING ABOUT CHICKENS AGAIN
Otoya: THE CHIEKSN ARE ALWAYS WATCHING US
Aryu: If you think about it, wouldn’t it be the chicken?
Yukimiya: The egg, obviously.
Bachira: CHICKEN
Reo: egg
Nagi: egg
Reo: omg…. We r so in sync….
Reo: i miss u
Reo: i think we should get back together
Nagi: ok
Chigiri: I thought you told me you’d never get back with him
Reo: that was before he said egg
Tokimitsu: e
Shidou: HEY SAE ARE YOU A CHICKEN GRAVE YARD BECAUSE I WANNA PUT MY COCK BONES IN YOU
Sae: You already did that.
Rin: OH MY GOD SHUT THE FUCK UP SHIDOU YOU DUMB ASS FUCKING LOSER ASS BITCH MY BROTHER FUCKING HATES YOU HE WILL NEVER EVER GET WITH YOU YOU BITCHLESS, MOTHERLESS, FATHERLESS, FRIENDLESS, TALENTLESS, BRAINLESS, FUTURELESS, GLAMOURLESS, USELESS, HEARTLESS, CLASSLESS, HUMORLESS, GRACELESS, CARELESS, HAIRLESS, DATELESS, JOBLESS, SEXLESS, SAE-LESS MOTHER FUCKER
Rin: oh
Tabito: the entire dictionary was used for that one
Bachira: I MISS THE RAGE! I MISS THE RAGE!
Sae: Rin, Shidou and I have been seeing each other since shortly after the u-20 game.
Aiku: why didn’t he have your number then
Sae: I blocked him on his main number because he kept sending me cursed globglogabgalab memes.
Reo: what in fuck’s name is a globglogabgalab
Shidou: 
Reo: nvm i dont wanna know anymore
Tabito: @Otoya that looks like you lol
Otoya: you are actually so funny bro haha everybody is laughing
Tabito: ikr lol
Tabito: wanna make out? /p
Kurona: “/platonically”
Ego: I’ve come to make an announcement
Ego: the last time I asked someone to platonically kiss my ass he unfortunately pissed on my wife
Bachira: EGO??
Ego: His name was Shadow the Hedgehog and he took his hedgehog-fuckin' quilly dick out and he pissed on my fucking wife, and he said his dick was "THIS BIG," and I said "that's disgusting."
Ego: so I made a callout post on my Twitter.com:
Tabito: damn ok i get it i wont get ass kisses(/p) anymore
Reo: wait I think I heard this on the news
Reo: didn’t someone piss on obama
Nagi: it was me.
Isagi: OK THATS ENOUGH
Hiori: party-pooper.
Isagi: DON’T ENCOURAGE THEM OR WE’LL SOMEHOW END UP TALKING ABOUT CHICKEN AGAIN
Aiku changed the group name to “blue cock”
Isagi: wow thanks so much aiku
Aiku: yw
Gagamaru: Guys I think this conversation put Nanase in critical condition
Yukimiya: What? How does that happen?
Gagamaru: Chicken and piss is a deadly combo, some may say
Sae: I happened to get a wound during this conversation, so I have to agree
Sae: I stubbed my toe on my way to kill Ego
Shidou: WAS THE WOUND A BOO BOO CAUSE THAT ASS FINE AS FUCK, BOO
Sae: youre so hot
Rin: I actually hate everything.
Bachira: guys guys guys guys guys gusy guys swiyàsjjsiw
Bachira: i was curious about the rest of ego’s twt acc but i somehow found KAISERS OLD MY LITTLE PONY STAN TWT
Kurona: youre lying
Bachira: IM NOT
Bachira: IM LITERALLY SEEING IT WITH MY OWN TWO EYES
Gagamaru: At least let the man defend himself
Gagamaru added Kaiser to “blue cock”
Kaiser: why the hell was i added to a groupchat named blue cock
Kunigami: Bachira found your old my little pony twitter account.
Kaiser: …
Isagi: Jeez who invited this guy to the chat
Kaiser: Awww I’m so happy to see you too
Tabito: he’s avoiding the subject.
Niko: i mean i wouldnt be happy if someone found my old secret twt acc either
Niko: not that i have one
Kaiser: I don’t know what you guys are talking about.
Nagi: discord im howling at the moon
Kurona: how can we get him to admit the account is his
Sae: Rarity is the worst pony.
Kaiser: RARITY WAS A DELIGHT.
Kaiser: I mean, who the hell is Rarity?
Kaiser: Why do you think she is the worst though…. Out of curiosity.
Sae: I don’t. I haven’t even seen the show.
Kaiser: yOU LITTLE-
Isagi: Why don’t you just leave already, no one wants you here
Kaiser: I was going to but now I won’t.
Raichi: we should invite ness too LMAO
Raichi added Ness to “blue cock”
Ness: ew isagis here
Isagi: Get over yourself fuck face Kaiser will never love you
Tabito: WHO IS THIS WHAT HAPPENED TO ISAGI
Aiku: youre acting like he wasnt saying homophobic slurs like a minute ago
Ness: at least i dont look like every other sports bitch out there
Ness: kageyama tobio called and he wants his haircut back
Reo: i like this guy
Reo: honestly fuck isagi
Bachira: yea! fuck isagi!
Reo: i dont think we have the same idea behind our words
Reo: just a hunch
Isagi: you guys are just haters
Hiori: Lets do some exercises to get rid of the fowl mood in here okay?
Hiori: I’m going to name two people and the first one has to say something nice to the second one, and then vice versa
Hiori: Reo and Isagi
Reo: fuck you
Reo: uh what do all the isagi dick riders say
Reo: “himsagi”
Bachira: WOOO YAAAA HIMSAGI
Kurona: isagi the GOAT
Isagi: uh reo i like your hair because you remind me of barney dinosaur
Nagi: 
Hiori: great now ness i want you to do the same thing to isagi
Ness: i also like thick thighs
Isagi: HOW DID YOU KNOW THAt
Ness: im always watching
Raichi: NESS WAS THE CHICKEN ALL ALONG
Isagi: SHUT THE FUCK UP
Isagi: ness, i admire your…. loyalty….
Hiori: Rin and Shidou
Rin: no
Shidou: :(
Rin: your taste in movies is ok i guess
Shidou: MY TURN
Shidou: YOUR BROTHER HAS A FAT ASS
Rin: HWIUDHWI#HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Kaiser: Sae kinda flat tho
Chigiri: Okay, Michael.
Shidou: no trust, its fat
Shidou: last time i saw him in tight pants i got an electron
Shidou: *electron
Shidou: *electron
Shidou: *electron
Yukimiya: How does one get an electron?
Tabito: well let’s take chlorine for example. a chlorine atom only has 7 electrons on its outer shell, but it needs 8 to be considered full- or stable. now lets look at hydrogen, which has 1 electron and is unstable as well. when chlorine and hydrogen meet, hydrogen donats its extra electron to chlorine, making both of them stable.
Tabito: in other words, chlorine is “getting an electron”
Otoya: forgot you were smart
Baldy: i gained an electron once
Tabito: ??? who tf are you
Bachira: guys this is a bit late but when hiori did the like thingy he said fowl instead of foul
Gagamaru: I think Raichi is onto something…
Raichi: THE CHICKENS ARE TAKING OVER.
Isagi: I AM ACTUALLY GONNA KMS CAN WE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE STOP WITH THE CHICKEM TALK
Aiku: aw, and i was just getting egg-cited
Kaiser: i actually agree with isagi for once, you guys are really fucking annoying
Bachira: *i hop out of the vent and slash kaiser, killing hiim and running away*
Kurona: *i go to electrical to do my task and see kaisers dead body*
Otoya: *i walk in to see kurona standing over his body, i hit report*
Otoya: *report sound* guys kurona was standing over blue’s body
Kurona: i just got there, he was already dead
Nagi: pink sus
Chigiri: NO IM NOT i think it was otoya guys
Bachira: what if it was kunigami???
Chigiri: *gasp* he would never
Kunigami: wtf is going on
Chigiri: see the poor guy is so confused that you would dare accuse him
Bachira: ok then it was otoya
Otoya: I LITERALLY REPORTED THE BODY
Tabito: self report
Shidou: i think it was rin
Reo: uh i just saw rin dead in med-bay shidou…. Maybe it was you….
Sae: No, I was with him. We saw Otoya walk out of med-bay though not that long ago.
Chigiri: I TOLD YOU ITS OTOYA
Otoya: ITS NOT ME BRO IM INNOCENT
Bachira: THATS SOMETHING ONLY THE IMPOSTER WOULD SAY
Bachira: *i place my vote for otoya*
Kurona: they make a compelling argument *places vote for otoya*
Tabito: *places vote for otoya*
Chigiri: *places vote for otoya*
Otoya: GUYS i literally saw kurona psl yous gotta believe eem
Sae: His typing is shit, thats a man under severe stress. *places vote for otoya*
Shidou: *places vote for otoya*
Reo: *places vote for otoya*
Nagi: *places vote for chigiri*
Chigiri: dawg
Nagi: lol
Kunigami: *places vote for nagi*
Otoya: *voting ends and i am ejected, “otoya is not the imposter” is plastered for everyone to see*
Bachira: MWAHHHAHAHAAH YOU FOOLS
Bachira: IT WAS ME WHO KILLED RIN AND KAISER
Isagi: YOU GUYS AMOGUS ROLEPLAYED WITHOUT ME???? I AM SO SAD
Ego: While I am also sad I didn’t get to amongus roleplay, I am going to be holding a meeting with you all in approximately five minutes.
Aryu: See you all soon.
Tokimitsu: e
Barou: 
Barou: WHTA THE FUCK