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His gear clicks into place. There’s too much resistance on the release, Levi knows instantly, and accommodates for the grapple’s delay in firing by shifting his bodyweight slightly. He lands easily on a platform nailed high up in the survey corps training facility. His boots skid slightly on the soaked through wood. It’s been raining all day and now his gear is clocking out.
There’s a shadow underneath one of the larger platforms. It’s tall, broad shouldered and intimidating, but Levi knows the man behind the façade. And if that man is trying to hint that Levi should come inside now, second to his lecture about the weather earlier, Levi doesn’t care. He lets out a disappointed “tch” at the fact that the sky is, indeed, still producing rain, and aims for the next landing spot.
It’s another few hours until Levi’s gear has truly had enough. The rain has soaked through everything by now; Levi wouldn’t be surprised to find it on the inside of his skull, and the hinges in the grapple have lost their strength. It closes weakly against the tree he’d aimed for, pulling lose a few strips of bark. Levi shoots his other hook at a tree, slowing his crash into the floor, but scraping his feet and the left side of himself along the hard packed earth none the less, finishing by falling onto his arse and then backwards to hit is head.
“Fuck.”
There’s blood down the length of his left leg – that took the brunt of it. Levi looks to the spot underneath one of the larger platforms, waiting for the shadow to come running over to him, but it seems he’s been left to his own devices.
“Fucker,” Levi mutters.
He picks himself up, breathing out harshly at the ache in his hip. The mud from the ground has already soaked through his trousers. They’ll be stained and ruined. Levi limps his way through the trees, wondering why his stupid stalker didn’t hang around a bit longer.
The walk is a lot longer than Levi remembers it being. By the time he’s reached the barracks he’s gotten over the shock at having actually (for the first time in years) fallen, and has most definitely got over the desire for some tall blond to be nearby helping him up.
In short, Levi has settled into pain and embarrassment. So he makes his way to the stables, where there’s a tap he can use to wash off the worst of the mud and blood, before showing his face in the communal bathrooms. Hopefully everyone will assume it’s the rain that’s got him like this.
The tap water is freezing, but that’s no different from the rain, really, so Levi grits his teeth and bears it. Then, he stumbles into the shower room. There’s a few rows of shower stools, with grimy curtains to give some semblance of privacy, and standing in front of the mirror is –
“Didn’t think you used this bathroom anymore, Levi,” Mike says. He has a towel low on his hips and is carefully trimming at his beard.
Levi rolls his eyes.
“And by that, I mean I thought there was another, quieter bathroom you’ve got access to, if you catch my drift.”
“You talking about pissing in the forest or something,” Levi snaps.
Mike smiles and sidles closer, “Nope, not the forest. It’s much more private than that.”
“Fuck off, Mike,” Levi mutters.
Mike laughs – as if Levi is endearing – which only makes Levi scowl deeper.
“Am I allowed to use the damn shower or not?”
Mike gestures grandly to the cubicles with a swoop of his arm, “Take your pick, man,” he says, then mutters with a shrug, “If I were you, I know what my pick would be, but what can you do?”
Levi marches past him, grabs a towel from the hooks (hopes to God it’s a clean one) and yanks the curtain closed behind him. Then he begins the painful process of peeling off his clothes.
There’s no way of adjusting the shower temperature (if he was at Erwin’s then he could – but no – Levi cowers at the thought of being injured in front of him, after Erwin clearly wanted him to stop sooner – and how many times has the bastard lectured him on weather conditions? He doesn’t want to end up with a damn headache on top of everything else). The water temperature isn’t set too hot for a normal day, but if someone’s been freezing their arse off in the rain for the best part of four hours it is scolding. Once again, Levi grits his teeth and bears it. Blood and mud mixes in with the burning water and the dirt from the floor and Levi cringes at the way he has to stand there with bare feet.
There’s a knock on the side Levi’s cubicle, and Mike’s voice drifts through the curtain, “Everything okay in there?”
“Fine.”
“There’s, um, that’s–”
“What?”
“That’s a strange colour for mud to be, Levi – and the smell… Are you bleeding?”
Levi curses himself for not realising how slow the water was draining, for not seeing that it was creeping out from under the curtain. Then he curses Mike for being such a nosy fucking twat and noticing. Then he realises, with horror, that however much Erwin cannot see him injured, anyone else knowing would be hell. A humiliating hell.
It’s been a suspicious amount of time.
Even so, Levi scoffs a laugh, “Course not.”
Mike stands there a while longer, as if to say something, but then his shadow moves away.
Levi jumps into action. He shoves his head under the still-boiling water and starts dragging his hands through his hair to pull out the mud and the sweat, fingers tangling in a clump of blood and nails scratching at the jagged place where he didn’t realise his skin has split. He runs his hands down his side, rubbing furiously at the scabs and bruises already forming. Curses himself again, decides it’s the best he can do, and dries off with the towel that has, upon closer examination, definitely been used. Then, because he has to hide his injuries, he puts the same muddy trousers and shirt back on. It's one of Levi’s fastest, most violent, and most disgusting showers.
Levi steps out from the curtain feeling distinctly sick and avoids looking at anyone else as he stalks towards the door.
“Mike said you were here,” a calm, bemused voice says.
Levi swivels to face him, “Oh yeah? And is there a fucking problem with that?”
Erwin frowns, “Not at all. I only came because he was concerned you might be hurt.”
“I had no idea he cared for me so deeply,” Levi says sarcastically.
Erwin shrugs a shoulder, “Quite a lot of people do.”
Levi doesn’t know what to say to that, so he turns and walks towards the cadet’s dorms. Erwin falls in to step beside him.
“Have I done something to upset you?” Erwin asks quietly.
“No.”
“Then why–”
“Can’t I have a fucking night off? First off, you’re standing around like a creep watching me practice, now you’re following me after my shower, can’t I get some damn space?” Levi hisses. He’s stopped walking, made it look like he’s turned to face Erwin in anger when in truth he wanted to give his injured leg a break from bearing his weight.
Erwin looks at him gently, “Are you hurt, Levi?”
“No,” he replies stubbornly. Levi’s leg has had enough rest, so he turns and starts marching away again, only Erwin catches his shoulder. It takes all Levi’s willpower not to cry out from the pain.
“I don’t believe you,” Erwin tells him.
“Don’t you fucking patronise me.”
“You fell because of the rain, didn’t you?” Erwin tries again, with a knowing half-smile. Like Levi should enjoy the joke of it, too, that exactly what Erwin said would happen had happened.
“I said, don’t you fucking patronise me,” Levi sneers, “And let go of me.”
He pushes Erwin’s hand off his shoulder and backs away a few steps, feeling far too much like some injured, spitting animal. Erwin holds his hands up in surrender.
“I didn’t mean to offend. Just, let me help you. It’s okay to be injured.”
“Well I’m not,” Levi replies stubbornly. He turns and continues walking to the cadet barracks, a place he hasn’t slept for months because he’s spent his nights with Erwin. Erwin follows him for a few steps, then seems to think better of it and lets him go.
Levi didn’t have high expectations for the bed he’d abandoned, but he did assume it would still have a mattress. The rest of the dorm is also empty; cadets have a habit of moving quarters to wherever lets them get a peaceful sleep at night, and the administration are not one to deny them that. It’s a small blessing; Levi’s long absence is not unusual from his comrades, and tonight he will have the privacy he desires to tend to his wounds.
Levi collects some linen and clean clothes from a store cupboard in the corridor. Then, he arranges a broom under the door handle so it can’t be opened from the outside and limps back over to his bed. He removes his clothes cautiously, this time in no rush, and inspects the deep cuts and bruises lining his side. He’ll ache tomorrow. If only he had a cream and bandages to help them along. Even so, Levi settles himself back against the hard wooden slats – barely helped by a few layers of thin sheets and pulls a blanket over himself. He’s slept in worse places.
Levi’s been lying there for maybe 5 minutes, eyeing the spiders’ webs under the bunk bed opposite, when there’s a knock on the door.
“Levi?” Erwin’s voice rings out.
Levi closes his eyes and lies still.
“You in there?”
There’s a scraping sound as Erwin attempts to open the door. The broom handle holds its ground admirably and Levi smiles to himself.
“It’s just me, it’s Erwin,” Erwin says, as if that was something that needed to be clarified.
Levi lets the silence and the shut door speak for him.
“I’ve brought some bandages, ointments and something for the pain, if you’d like it. You don’t have to show me what happened, but at least have someone help you. Anyone you like, I can fetch a nurse.”
There’s a silence as Erwin seems to consider his next words, his next angle, carefully.
“I don’t know what you’re trying to hide from me, but I already know you’re injured. There’s no shame in getting help – in fact, getting help is a requirement. I won’t be leaving until I know you’re okay,” Erwin says sternly.
Levi squeezes his eyes shut in frustration and feels the first curls of embarrassment deep in his gut. Erwin is making him feel like he’s being childish, stupid even, in his behaviour, when all he wants is to be left alone. Levi heals fast, he should be okay by morning – okay enough to hide the limp, least. There’s no way, no way in hell, Levi will let Erwin see him injured. See him weak.
Erwin has started on the door again, rocking it back and forth on its hinges to try to dislodge the broom.
Levi, confident in his broom’s strength, lets his eyes drift close and falls into a light snooze. The regular banging falls into background noise.
A while later, Levi opens his eyes suddenly, and it takes him a moment to understand what jerked him into consciousness. The banging has stopped. When Levi turns to glare at the door, he sees that Erwin has forced it open enough to jam his hand through the gap, and is now feeling around blindly for the handle, trying to move the broom to the side.
Levi isn’t having that.
He jumps up, hissing at the sharp pang it sends down his left leg, and slaps Erwin’s hand away, hard. Erwin draws his hand back out.
“So you are in there, after all,” Erwin says conversationally, then continues more seriously, “And conscious, too. I thought maybe you’d passed out… Did you hit your head when you fell?”
One of Levi’s hands flutters self-consciously to where the skin on the back of his head split. He remembers how much wounds there always seem to bleed and is mildly concerned at the still wet feeling of the cut.
“Can’t you just fuck off,” Levi sighs.
“Give me 10 minutes and I promise I’ll leave you in peace – unless there’s something very serious going on. Then I’m getting a doctor,” Erwin tells him.
Erwin’s hand snakes back through the gap and this time Levi grabs it and pulls the fingers back. Erwin tries to yank his hand out of Levi’s grip, but Levi’s stronger. They struggle there for a moment, in a ridiculous kind of wrestling match, until Levi feels a familiar, violent anger clawing its way up his spine, “I’ll break them,” he spits, “I swear to god I’ll do it.”
“Levi – be reasonable – I – I am only – trying – to – help,” Erwin says between grunts.
Erwin forces his other hand in through the gap – he must look stupid from the other side of the door – and attempts to prize Levi’s hands off his own. Levi slams the second hand back into the wall, so hard the knuckles will bruise and bleed.
Erwin is quick, though, as if he’d expected Levi to make that move, and suddenly puts his whole weight into pushing onto the door again. It judders harshly, catching Levi off-guard. Levi staggers a bit on his sore leg, instinctively holding the hands he was meant to be attacking to steady himself instead. Erwin lets him.
“Shut up,” Levi hisses before the other man can make a smart remark about it.
“Open the door, Levi. That’s an order.”
It makes Levi hesitate for a second. He hasn’t disobeyed an order for a long time. Yet, he also hasn’t been given stupid, fucked-up orders in a long time.
Erwin slams into the door again and once again Levi has to use Erwin to keep his balance.
“Would you stop that?” Levi snaps.
“Open the door.”
Erwin does it again and the broom creaks. Levi runs a hand along it, makes sure its still in place, but there’s a crack formed down the middle, like it might snap in half.
“Seriously Erwin, stop,” Levi says again, almost shouts it. He can feel the panic in him growing now, like his tongue is swelling at the back of his throat and his chest is too tight. No one can see him injured, weak, unable to defend himself. Unable to even close a door.
Erwin really puts his weight into the next push. The broom breaks cleanly in half and the door slams into Levi full force. He’s knocked back into a bed and feels, with dissociated upset, as the back of his head is subjected to hitting a hard surface very fast for the second time that day.
Erwin hurries to him, hovers in the centre of Levi’s vision, where the black edges haven’t quite reached yet.
“Bastard,” Levi spits, but weakly.
“Damn it Levi, look at you,” Erwin says, something akin to panic in his voice.
“I’m not…” Levi says, quietly, “Not even hurt.”
…
When Levi wakes up, he’s lying face down and there’s someone prodding the back of his head. He tries to jolt up but a large, warm hand steadies him, resting heavy on his neck.
“Ssh, it’s okay, be still. She’s just having a look,” Erwin says softly.
“Mmm,” the doctor says, “And she’s not liking what she’s seeing.”
Erwin rubs reassuring circles into Levi’s neck.
“I’m fine,” Levi once again insists, voice muffled by the pillow.
“Well clearly not,” Erwin tells him, “But that’s okay, it's getting sorted.”
“Yes, well. You’ll need stitches,” the doctor decides, “There’s no fracture, but the cut definitely needs sewing back together. I’ll get a numbing agent and some anti-septic.”
Levi groans into the pillow.
“You’re doing well,” Erwin tells him.
Levi doesn’t dignify it with a response.
When the doctor returns, she’s quick to sew and tend to the cut, leaving Levi wearing an embarrassing white bandage that wraps all across his forehead. He bitches mournfully as she sits him up and wraps it carefully around his head. Erwin is quiet next to him, holding his hand carefully, like that too might break.
“You’ll need to be supervised for tonight, just in case there’s something more insidious going on with your head wound – if you start throwing up, for example. I’m happy for you to stay in the ward or Captain Smith has offered for you to stay with him,” the doctor informs Levi, and he finds he can’t make eye contact with her or Erwin, only stare blandly at the floor, “I took a look at your leg, too. You’ll need to rest and keep it elevated for a few days – there’s crutches you can use. Make sure you come back to me if it’s not getting any better. Otherwise, there’s nothing left but to dress those scrapes down your side, which the nurses can do–”
“No. No,” Levi interrupts, wanting to get out of there. He jerks his chin at Erwin, “he’ll do it.”
The doctor nods at Erwin, “Well, that’s everything then. I wish you a speedy recovery.”
“Yeah,” Levi replies. It’s a pitiful response. He can’t even tell if the doctor heard it; she’s walked away to check on another patient.
“Right,” Erwin says, as if everything is normal and okay, and it draws a fragile state of calm over Levi. “Shall we head?”
Levi takes a deep breath, “Fine.”
He scowls as he accepts the crutches Erwin hands him. They make him feel awkward and slow, sending a stabbing sort of pain up his left arm when he swings forward, but Levi is quick to find his balance and manage them with some sort of dignity.
Slowly, acting like they’re walking at a perfectly acceptable pace, Erwin leads to the way back to his quarters. Levi is both grateful and pissed off.
“Going to yours, huh?” he says into the silence.
“You’ve never complained before,” Erwin says, “And I don’t recall your room in the barracks having a mattress.”
Levi grunts, “Yeah, well, someone must’ve took it because I’ve been away too long – which is your fault, by the way.”
Erwin huffs a laugh.
…
Erwin’s quarters are cosy but practical. The bed is in the corner, the desk is by the window where all the natural light is, and the walls are lined with books and pinned up scraps of paper. Something about it has always made Levi feel safe. He sighs as he collapses back onto the bed. Erwin locks the door and tidies Levi’s crutches to the side, then begins to unpack a first aid kit. Something about him seems hesitant. Levi opens his eyes slightly and glares at him through the narrowed slits.
“What?” Levi demands.
“Just. Just that I learnt something new today-"
Levi rolls his eyes and interrupts, "A rare occasion, I'm sure."
"Not particularly, but it's something significant," Erwin says. He tilts his head, regarding Levi carefully, "I had no idea you wouldn't feel comfortable being hurt around me."
Levi clears his throat and mutters "Well", as if the single word is an appropriate response.
Thankfully, Erwin doesn’t press the topic anymore. He helps Levi take off his shirt and trousers, then begins dabbing at the cuts with an ointment that stings. Levi lets his head fall back against the pillow and closes his eyes.
“Let me know if I’m pressing too hard,” Erwin says.
“Mmm,” Levi says.
Erwin is efficient at patching up cuts – he’s had more than enough practice out in the fields – and is soon moving on to rubbing a bruise cream into Levi’s skin. He’s probably taking more time with it than is specifically needed, too. Levi finds himself shifting and stretching out as Erwin runs his hands up and down Levi’s sides, over his hip and down his thighs.
Erwin continues for a while longer, until Levi feels like melted candle wax, the aches and pains from the day drowned out by the sensation of Erwin’s hands on his skin. Levi hums contentedly, flexing his fingers and toes, arching his back in a full body stretch. His mind feels like a tired, content mush.
Levi hears as Erwin packs away the remaining bandages and creams, then stands and begins undoing his belt. Levi opens an eye and watches critically.
“You better fold that shit properly,” Levi says softly.
Erwin shrugs and continues stripping, “Just close your eyes.”
“You’ll disrupt my sleep if it’s wrong. The doctor specially said I needed rest.”
Erwin sighs and begins folding up his shirt.
“Wrong. Wrong. You’re doing it wrong. Don’t fold it like that.”
“Alright, alright.”
Erwin tries again. Levi throws a pillow at him.
“You’re doing it on purpose, you twat.”
On closer inspection, maybe Erwin isn’t doing it on purpose. After another minute he seems to give up on his shirt and drapes it over the back of his chair. Erwin has far less patience for the rest of his clothes, especially after Levi has stopped complaining and is just looking at him with mild astoundment, so they soon end up piled together on the chair heap. Levi averts his eyes.
Erwin gets the pillow and fluffs it up as he joins Levi on the bed, who obliges the hand that guides his head up to slide the pillow underneath. Then Erwin lies down beside him. Levi can't help but turn into Erwin’s warmth, slotting their legs together.
“So,” Erwin says. He brings a hand to Levi’s cheek, lets his fingers trace its curve.
“So, what?” Levi says.
“I shouldn’t have hit you with the door."
"Tch. No, you shouldn't have," even as Levi says the words his stomach twists uncomfortably. He shouldn't've blocked the door. That's the proper response. But at the time it hadn't felt like a choice, it had felt like survival.
Erwin continues, "I shouldn't have left you out alone in the rain either. That was dangerous. I should've been there when you fell-”
“I can take care of myself,” Levi says quickly, heart beating loudly in his ears.
“I know, but accidents happen," Erwin's fingers still rest on Levi's cheek. "That’s all."
“Okay then,” Levi says tightly.
“I don’t think less of you for it.”
Levi feels himself stiffen in Erwin’s arms. His voice comes out stiff and wrong, “Okay.”
Erwin cups his chin, tries to use it to direct Levi’s eyes into looking at his. Levi doesn’t let him so Erwin stops, and just lays there next to him, breathing slowly.
“I don’t like being seen as weak,” Levi tells him eventually.
Erwin frowns, pulling Levi closer so his head rests under Erwin's chin, “Weak?" He muses to himself, "I'd struggle to see you that way. As injured, by all means. Weak, however... that has entirely different connotations. I could never relate it to you.”
Levi swallows and draws himself closer.
“And as for anyone else, a few days on crutches won’t change anything. You've got enough of a reputation that this'll be water under the bridge. Trust me.”
“Thank you,” Levi says quietly. His eyes drift closed, suddenly peaceful, but it seems Erwin isn't finished with him yet.
“If you get injured again, you’ll come to me, won’t you?”
Levi bites his lip as he mulls it over. Maybe Erwin didn't expect him to run through scenarios. But honestly. Injured again? The idea makes him squirm. Maybe if it happened in a decade or two, but imagine limping over to Erwin a week or month from now, once again dirty and bloody. How broken would he seem, how damned incompetent?
Erwin pulls Levi out of his newly created pit of shame with a rough shake on the shoulder.
"Levi, I need you to promise me."
And for some reason, refusing Erwin feels wrong. Suddenly, the request is simple.
"Yes," Levi hears himself say, "I'll find you."