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“Help! STEVE, HELP!”
Steve sprinted through his and Bucky’s apartment in Stark Tower, almost wiping out entirely as he skid to a sudden stop in socks on a slick marble floor. Fear and adrenaline pulsed through his body as he yanked the door to the bathroom open… and found Bucky, sitting on the edge of the bathtub and sulking. Bucky’s bottom lip was stuck out like a shovel, holding his metal hand to his head.
“Jesus, Buck…” Steve sighed “I thought someone was killing you. Did you hit your head?”
Bucky didn’t say anything, he just stuck his lip out further.
“That bad? Come on, let me see.” He crossed the room and went to move Bucky’s hand away from his head, but all he got was a sharp yowl.
“Ow ow ow! Stop it!” Bucky whined, “It’s stuck!”
What? “What’s stuck?” But when Steve looked closer, he saw exactly what was wrong.
The animatronic arm was sleek and well made, but even a design based on Stark tech had tiny gaps, hinges between the joints of the fingers. And twisted into every single one were strands of Bucky’s long hair.
“Oh my god, you’re a complete moron.” Steve was giddy and giggling with glee at the sight of a supersoldier incapacitated by tangled hair.
“Yeah, yeah, I’m hilarious. But can you fix it?”
“Right, right. Come on,” Steve said, still laughing.
And that was how the Winter Soldier ended up sitting on the floor between Captain America’s legs, as Steven Grant Rogers slowly and gently plucked each hair out of tiny servos.
“That hurt!”
“Oh, be quiet.”
-
But the worst part- the absolute worst part –was that they were stupid enough to let it happen again. Only this time it was Steve’s hair, except it wasn’t his hair, it was his other hair.
“Ow, ow, OW get your goddamn cyborg hand out of my GODDAMN PUBES.”
“I’m trying, I’m trying! Stop squirming!”
“Well stop pulling! I swear to god, Barnes, I’m going to kill you.”
“Do we have scissors in here?”
The ban on robot handjobs lasted for a few weeks after that, but Bucky and Steve eventually reached the compromise. Robo-handys would be allowed, on the grounds that Bucky wore a leather glove over his metal hand. Or at the very least everyone had to shave ahead of time.