Chapter Text
Lockwood came to stand beside Lucy. They stood in silence, shoulders touching, watching the gray city grow sharp and definite, hardening into a new day.
“I haven’t had the chance to thank you, Lucy.” Lockwood said.
“That’s what we do, yeah? Save each other's lives from time to time.” Lucy wiped her cheek, which still felt stiff from where her tears ran twenty minutes ago. The cold breeze off the river wasn’t doing anything to help the stinging she felt building up again.
“Right.” he said, softly. “Kipps told me you swung on a trapeze. I thought you hated heights.”
“I absolutely do. Don’t ever make me do something like that again.”
“I don’t know, we could always join the circus, maybe you’d be good at it.” He replied. Lucy laughed and Lockwood gave her one of his million dollar smiles, and she almost forgot why she was angry at him.
Almost. She looked away.
“We shouldn’t have split up the way we did, Lockwood. You shouldn’t have even gone in at all. I warned you guys and look what happened. What if I wasn’t there in time? You would be dead.” Her voice came out more bitter than she intended. When she turned to look at him again, he was fiddling with the ring he always wore. He let out a long, slow breath.
“From what George tells me, you were, too.” He answers. Lucy took a sharp breath and looked out at the water. She reached into her pocket and pulled out a small strip of paper and unfolded it. It was too dark to see but the image of it was forever burned into her mind. He will sacrifice his life for you. The words in bold black ink seemed inevitable, permanent.
She passed it to Lockwood.
“I got this from the fortune teller right before La Belle Dame ghost locked me.” She said. Deep breath.
“I can’t do this with you anymore, Lockwood.” Her voice wavered as tears threatened to spill. What if I hadn’t gotten there in time?” She repeated. Lucy felt hot despite the cool chill off the river. “I refuse to be the reason why that grave next to your sister gets filled.” The words came out harsh but she meant them.
Her months after leaving Lockwood & Co left her feeling broken and empty, but at least she didn’t have to watch him almost succeed in killing himself at every job that they did. Because of her. It would hurt to leave again, but it would hurt even more to see the Fetch’s reality come true. A dead Lockwood and a grave filled in an overrun graveyard.
Lockwood held the slip of paper, running his finger over the edge. If he was hurt by her sentiments he didn’t let it show.
“You’ve told me this before, Luce. What am I supposed to do?” At this, Lucy let out a short, bitter laugh.
“Would it really be so bad?” He finished. She scoffed and went to turn to leave. She wasn’t going to sit here and listen to his deranged suicide plan that would leave nothing but disaster and tears in its wake.
“Wait, I’m sorry. Please don’t leave.” he said softly. She stopped.
They stood there together, looking over the dark murky waters of the Thames.
“I never told you the reason why I left last year.” Lucy said.
“You did, you said it was because of me and my recklessness.” Lockwood responded.
“Well, yes.” She took a deep breath. “There was something else...more, I guess”
Lockwood looked at her expectantly. She met his eyes for a beat and then stared at the frayed laces of her boots.
“When I was in the Aickmere’s basement dungeon, and you saved me from that ghost…do you remember that?”
“I do” he said, his tone wary.
“That Fetch was… was wearing your face. I saw you, dead and bloody. Because of me. Because I fucked up. I can’t live with something like that, Lockwood.” The tears were coming fast now, and the sleeves of her jacket were not enough to stop them.
He watched her for a moment, then spoke.
“Do you really think that I could ever live with myself if anything happened to you? I can’t promise that I would never sacrifice myself for you. Don’t you understand why? You have to understand.” His voice was not at smooth and confident as it normally was but sounded like he was struggling to get the words out. Desperate.
“I can promise that I don’t understand you at all.”
“I don’t want to lie to you, I was a mess when you left, Luce.” He ran a hand through his hair. “I need you. We all need you.”
“I can’t watch you destroy yourself, Lockwood. Every night I have nightmares about the other side. Where one of us doesn’t make it out. I feel guilty for a lot of things in my life, I feel like I’ve let a lot of people down.” Her voice was soft, anguished.
“I have nightmares too.” He said. “I dream that I can’t save you. That your cloak rips and I can’t save you. That I really am that fucking unlucky and I lose the one thing I’ve been trying to keep safe.” He looked into her eyes. “Not to be a selfish prick but I think losing you would hurt more than you losing me.”
“That does make you a selfish prick.”
“Well then.” His laugh was sad.
They both said nothing. Lucy waited for a beat longer and turned on her heel, off to find Holly, who hopefully had a warm blanket and some extra sugary tea. She left Lockwood standing there alone, cursing himself.
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He watched her walk away. God, it's like he said the wrong things to her on purpose. Destined forever to ruin everything. As penance, he stood there and let the chill of the Thames freeze him down to his bones.
“Here.” Lockwood hadn’t heard Kipps approach and was somewhat startled, jarred from his own thoughts, but accepted the thermos of tea he offered anyway.
“Thanks, Kipps”
“Sure.” He paused. “Are you doing okay? That ghost was pretty…convincing.”
Lockwood ignored whatever that was supposed to mean. He looked over to where Lucy sat with George and Holly, laughing about something he was not a part of him. Embarrassingly, he felt a pang of jealously. He should be the one making Lucy laugh.
“Totally fine.” He replied.
Kipps didn’t seem convinced, and followed his glance to Lucy. “Ah, okay.”
“It’s just -” Lockwood began. He looked down at the broken glass that littered the ground. Someone should really clean that up. “I don’t understand how I can keep fucking up this badly. I don’t understand why she can’t see the way I feel about her. Any other girl would at least be flattered that I’d be willing to die for her.” He paused, feeling like he’d said too much to someone that he shouldn’t have. He kicked a piece of glass absentmindedly.
“I’m sure you’ve noticed but Lucy is definitely not like anyone else that I’ve ever met. I don’t know how much she’s told you about her past…” He trailed off, not wanting to share secrets that were not his.
“She told me about her friend, Norrie.” Lockwood said.
Kipps took a deep breath. “Then what don’t you understand, Tony? You sacrificing yourself is not heroic to her, its traumatic and selfish. No offense.” He added.
Oh. Oh. Maybe he was a bloody idiot. He took a sip of tea and cleared his throat to avoid the weight of that accusation.
“I didn’t realize you two were that close.” That was what he came up with in response.
“She got into an accident during her time freelancing. Had to crash at my place for a few days and I made sure we kept in touch so she didn’t end up dying in some gutter.” Kipps said.
The look on Lockwood’s face must have been concerning because Kipps quickly added, “God, Tony, it wasn’t like that. For whatever reason, she’s in love with you.”
“Oh. But, she got hurt and didn’t call me? Or even George?” He hated how he sounded like a kicked puppy, desperate and clingy.
“You’d have to ask her about that one, mate.”
“Lockwood!” George called from across the lot. Anthony turned to see him waving him down and gesturing towards the night cabs pulling up. “Let’s go, I’m exhausted.”
“I guess that’s our cue.” Kipps said and started walking toward the cabs.
Lockwood took one last look out at the hazy colors of the dawn and turned to join his friends.