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My alarm rang out beside my bed at the early hours of the day, rousing me from my slumber. I’ve been dreading this day. May 6th, the survivors picnic. See, I thought it would be a good idea to gather all the surviving humans on the planet, and the new squidbeak splatoon, at a picnic to maybe ease the tension between everyone. Figured it was worth a shot, we can’t stay enemies forever and all.
Some of the survivors have already made some friends, or alliances between species. Haido with Sally, Julian with Eight, and me with Aurora. Julian’s been rubbing elbows with the splatoon a bit more than Haido enjoys though, running missions for them and the like. Not that I mind of course, any kind of alliance with them is great news. They seem to like me quite a bit, I guess anyone who hasn’t given them a good reason to be hostile is fine. Haido on the other hand… they don’t like him too much. The feeling's mutual between them, with Haido hating on Julian for helping them out. Says he doesn’t trust him for being all buddy-buddy with them.
I should try not to think about it too much, I just need to focus on getting ready for this whole ordeal. Turning off my alarm, I lay in bed a few minutes, before stretching and sitting up. My hair is a mess, and my eyes are barely open, but I woke up this early for a reason. Even though all the food is already prepared, I still have to stop by Emily's place to get all the moonshine. She is… a very good distiller. She can make pretty much any flavor of shine there is. From peach, to coffee to strawberry shortcake, there's really no limit to what she can brew.
Groggily rolling myself out of bed, I go through my morning routine like a zombie. Brush my teeth, shower, get dressed, eat breakfast and down an espresso. About an hour has passed, and as I'm finishing my breakfast, Aurora walks out of their room, clearly unhappy about waking up this early. They’re dressed in merely a T-shirt about 3 sizes too large, they’re slouching something fierce, and their tentacles are a mess. They groan a good morning to me, before moving to the fridge and fixing themself a glass of orange juice. I chuckle to myself at the sight.
“Sleep well?” They give me a look that could kill a lesser man, a mix of pure crankiness and annoyance.
“What do you think?” they say, promptly chugging the rest of their oj, lowering the glass from their face with a hearty exhale, “do we really have to wake up this early? It’s just a short run to pick up drinks.”
“I know, but I didn't think you would actually wake up on time. It’s six thirty and I thought you wouldn’t be up until seven. We have some time to kill. Now go take a shower and put on some real clothes, you look like hell.” Groaning in a mix of frustration and agreement, they grab a few towels from the closet and a set of clothes from their room, before heading to the bathroom. The sound of running water, or ink in their case, can be heard a few moments after.
There's no point in wasting the morning just waiting here, I should start gathering refreshments while I have the time for it. First things first, moonshine. Pulling out my phone, I open my messages app and scroll down to find Emily.
6:34A.M. ME: You up? I’m ready to come get the shine
6:35A.M. Twat: Yeah I’m up, but if you bring your little freakshow of a friend along you aren’t getting shit
6:35A.M. ME: Noted, they’ll stay behind.
Hateful as she is, she makes the best shine on the planet. Not that there’s much competition but still, I need that moonshine, it’s the only way I got Julian to agree to go with Haido being there. God, I’m gonna have to keep my eye on Haido, make sure he doesn’t break Three's leg again, but I’ll deal with that when I come to it. Sitting down on the couch in the living room, I wait for Aurora to finish taking their shower. I spend about ten minutes scrolling through Squitter before I hear the water shut off.
“Hurry up and dry off, we gotta go!” I shouted at the door. We should’ve left nearly 15 minutes ago, but Aurora does like their long showers.
“I’m comin, I”m comin! Don’t get your panties in a bunch." I really need to stop teaching them old human phrases, it’s already come back to bite me. The bathroom door opens, and they step out accompanied by a wall of steam. They’re wearing a green short sleeve shirt, with a dark blue zip up sweater on top, and gray sweatpants. The definition of a casual fit. Nearly identical to mine, but I have a pink sweater on.
“Alright get your shoes on, we gotta pick up the moonshine.”
“Ugh from that crazy racist lady? Why her?”
“I don’t like it either, but she’s the only one around who makes a brew strong enough for us humans.” The alcohol here is weak to put it lightly. The strongest alcoholic beverage I've found was only around five percent, and I had to sign a waiver to drink it. Not to mention they only gave me one shot of the stuff.
Slipping on my shoes, I grab my hammer-pack from the rack and open the door. Stepping down the porch stairs toward the driveway, it comes into view. My pride and joy. A near perfect replica of an Indian Pursuit Elite. Sporting a V-twin engine, and nearly eighteen hundred CC, this beauty is barely road legal in this day and age. I can't thank Marina enough for this, she’s a real miracle worker.
Taking off my pack and reaching inside, I pull out mine and Aurora's helmets, also custom made by Marina. Tossing them theirs, they hop on the back as I close the pack back up. Climbing into the main seat, I start the bike, and simply drink in the engine's pur for a moment, before I'm rudely snapped back to my senses by Aurora smacking me on the back of the head.
“Oi! Quit jerkin yourself off and drive!”
“Gross” my displeasure is met only with laughter from the fiend behind me, and I start off down the driveway. It’s not a far drive to Emily's place and we pull up to her little cabin after about ten minutes of driving. I park the bike a little ways away, to make sure she doesn’t get the idea to steal it or something, only about a thirty second walk away, but it’s out of sight. She has a nice little place, cozy and welcoming. That is until you get up close, and notice the welcome mat that says ‘GO BACK TO THE OCEAN’. Classy.
Walking up to her door, I ring her doorbell, and a sharp tone rings out from inside. Something falls over, and I can hear shouting before the door swings open, revealing a very unhappy Emily. Then again, has she ever been happy?
“Oh it's you. Should’ve figured, feds don’t usually ring the doorbell. I’ll get the shine, just hold on here." She walks away inside the house, leaving the door ajar. There's not enough space to look inside, but it certainly smells like alcohol. After a few moments, there's a shout from inside.
“OPEN YOUR FUCKIN’ BAG, I CAN’T CARRY THIS VERY LONG.” Hastily swinging my pack from my shoulders, I opened the pouch as wide as possible. The door swings open, and Emily is placing her foot back on the ground, a crate of moonshine in her arms. She grunts, lifting the crate over the bag and dropping it in.
“There. You owe me for this shit, wasn’t easy to make that much at once.”
“Yeah, for sure. Have a good one.” The stench of alcohol is pouring out of her house, I need to get the fuck out of here before I get buzzed just from breathing. Zipping the backpack back up, I jump down the steps and start walking towards my bike, waving bye to her as I do so. Rounding the corner, I see Aurora leaning my bike.
“You get the shine?”
“Yup, and she didn’t even say anything racist this time.”
“Oh, that’s an improvement.”
“Barely…” Starting the bike up again, I pull out of Emily's driveway, and start making my way towards the meeting place. It’s nothing too special, just a small field off a side road. Almost no cars pass through, so we should be fine to just park on the street. We’re supposed to meet around eight o’clock, and it’s about seven fifteen leaving Emily's house, so we should get there with time to spare.
Turning onto the street with the field, it’s entirely empty, save for a run down pickup truck pulled over on the side of the road. Looks like Haido got here first. Why is he here so early? It’s not supposed to start for another 15 minutes. Maybe he just had nothing better to do, none of my business honestly.
Parking my bike behind his truck and tossing me and Aurora's helmets into my bag, I walk up to his window and tap on the glass.
“You're early.” he rolls down his window, Calamari Inkantation blaring. He turns off the radio before opening the door. I thought he hated that song.
“What about it?”
“Nothing, just didn’t think you of all people would be early. Hear you sleep like a rock.” stepping out of the car, he shuts the door, before walking around his car to the field. He’s dressed casually, just cargo pants and a sweater.
“You brought the booze right?”
“Yup.”
“And none of that pussy shit the abberants drink?” Is he still calling them aberrants? He’s been around here longer than I have, how hasn’t he adopted their actual species name?
“Correct. I got the good shit. Not strong enough to make you go blind, but it’s pretty damn strong. Where's the kid by the way? She not come with?”
“Nah she’s riding with her parents. She's not the biggest fan of my truck, says it looks like it came out of a scrapyard." Well she's not wrong. Haidos car is a certified shitbox. It’s got no paint, it's rusted to hell, only one window works, and the bed doesn’t lock properly. Not that I would ever say this to his face of course, he loves that truck. Maybe a bit too much.
We settled on a spot near the center of the clearing. It’s nice. Trees in the distance, nice soft grass, the perfect spot for a picnic. Reaching into my bag, I pull out an almost cartoonish sheet and lay it on the ground. Once the sheet is laid flat, I reach back into my bag and pull out several containers of plastic utensils.
“We should probably wait until everyone else gets here before we eat, but that doesn’t mean we wait for people who are late. In the meantime, could I get some help cracking open this crate of shine Emily gave me?” I lift the bag upside down and place my hand inside. After a few moments, a large wooden crate knocks my hand out of the way and lands on the ground.
“Jesus, that’s all moonshine?” Haido asked, clearly expecting a few small crates instead of one that large. It's slightly smaller than the width of the backpacks opening, but it’s nearly 5 feet long.
“Yup. Enough to fuel Julians antics for the whole damn picnic.” Julian has a bit of a… reputation with alcohol. He’s got a bit of an iron stomach, so when he drinks, he drinks hard. I usually try to limit how much I bring to these kinds of events with him, but I can't really help it this time. I’ll just have to make sure he doesn’t fight or vomit on anyone. On top of keeping Haido in check, this is going to be a nightmare.
“By the way, how is Julian even getting here? Does he even have a car? Or is he coming in the heli with the rest of the splatoon?”
“They have a fucking helicopter?” Haido stops prying the top off the crate and furrows his brow, concerned with what this implies, “fuck… I won't be able to do ANYTHING to them if they have a helicopter.”
“Well that’s why we’re here. So you won’t have to. This is to ease tensions, and hopefully get everyone off each other's backs. You included." God, please let this go well. The last thing I want is to have them hate each other even more somehow.
Finally prying open the crate of alcohol, we were greeted with a truly glorious display. Rows of mason jars, all filled to the brim with the miracle liquid that is booze. There's at least 10 flavors, with varying levels of alcoholic content. Truly a drunkard's dream.
Gazing at the liquids of various colors, Aurora is awe-struck. I doubt they’ve ever seen this much in one place, it’s just barely legal. Not that it matters, we would get this much even if it wasn't.
“How strong is this stuff again?” Aurora asks.
“Way too strong for you, that's for sure. You’d pass out with just a shot. Pearl might be able to handle it, probably not very much of it, but at least a shot.” Despite being a lightweight, Pearl often joins in on Julians drunken antics, cheerfully downing shot after shot of whatever unholy concoction he had crafted at the time.
As Haidos pulls out a jar marked with ‘Cinnamon’, the faint chopping of a helicopter is heard, and He groans, uncapping the jar.
“Christ… they really do have a helicopter.” he says, throwing his head back and taking a large gulp of alcohol. He grimaces and lowers the jar back down, taken aback by how strong it is. Lifting the bottle over his head, he reads the number on the bottom.
“That explains it. Hundred forty five proof. God damn, it’s been too long since I've had a real drink, I should probably start smaller.” he recaps the jar and places it to the side before rummaging through the shine crate and settling on a fifty proof peach. Not a bad choice, though I prefer raspberry.
The helicopter was getting closer, and in only about five seconds, it emerged from the tree line, and hovered around fifty feet in the air a little ways away, before Julian jumped out. The dumbass landed in a perfect superhero pose, leaving two large imprints in the ground where his feet hit the ground. Damn that armor of his, one of these days he’s going to overestimate what it can do. The helicopter started its descent once Julian had moved out of the way, and landed about twenty feet away from us. The wind it was producing was still violent, but not violent enough to knock anyone over. As the blades slow down, and the wind with them, the entire squidbeak splatoon climbs out of the helicopter, along with Pearl, Marina, Cherry, Olivia, and Jason. They’re all dressed rather similar, with the only remarkable outfits being the idols. Callie and Marie are dressed in their outfits for public appearances, even though we’re the only ones here, and Pearl and Marina are dressed in the fits they use when performing for damp socks. Agent 3 and Marie don’t look especially happy to be here, but the rest of them seem to be fine, Callie and Pearl even seem excited.
Running over to welcome them, I hug Callie, and simply shake hands with everyone else, they’re not the biggest fans of touch. Marie was promptly chewing Julian out for attempting something so stupid. Thankfully, he hasn’t seemed to notice the moonshine between jumping out of a helicopter and getting screamed at by Marie, though he’s going to find it eventually, and then complain I didn't tell him about it. Might as well just bite the bullet. That being said, I should wait for Marie to finish. I only understand about every other word of the conversation, but Marie is pissed, and finishes her rant by shouting about a fifty dkp minus, whatever that means. With Marie finished, it’s time to inform Julian of the booze.
“Hey julian.”
“Yeah?” here we go…
“The crate over there, on the sheet. It's filled with moonshine. Proper, potent moonshine. Don’t drink yourself to death, yeah?” I can barely finish my sentence before Julians on top of the wide array of alcohol. Pearl seems to have overheard me, and has already grabbed a large three gallon mason jar from the helicopter. There's a spout on the front for filling cups, though I doubt it will see much use.
“PEARL GET OVER HERE!” he shouts, already holding a multitude of different flavors. I’ve never seen him look happier. It’s like Christmas came early for him. Pearl isn’t much different, bounding over as fast as her little legs can carry her. I exchange a slightly worried look with Marina, before starting back over to the sheet.
The two were already pouring a myriad of different brews and energy drinks in their devious little container by the time I got there. Callie, despite her not drinking it, added a significant amount of edible glitter. The resulting concoction was a shiny, swirly purple monster that undoubtedly tasted amazing. I’m tempted to try some, but I still need to drive back home afterward, so I'll pass on the alcohol.
Pretty much everyone is here, save for Brad and the Ashens family, but they should show up soon. I suppose it’s time to get everyone situated with the food situation.
“Alright listen up. Here's how this is gonna work, just reach in the bag, think about what you want to eat, and pull your hand out. Simple. Just make sure there aren’t multiple people trying to pull out different things at the same time. Might fuse them together. Decide the order yourselves, but I'm going first.” Reaching into the bag, I imagine a large calzone, with marinara sauce on the side, and pull. I feel a plate materialize into my hand, and I end up holding a near perfect replica of what I was thinking about.
“See? Easy. now get at it.” placing the bag near the center of the sheet, Aurora and Callie reach their hands in at the same time, and begin arguing over who gets to take theirs out first. Julian and Pearl are too busy admiring their cursed beverage to bother with food at the moment, and they're beckoning me over to try some. Sighing, I walk over to drink this monstrous liquid. Julian is still stirring the drink as I arrive, to keep the swirl of glitter. Pearl sings its praise first.
“Dude, you gotta try this. It’s so good.”
“Do you have any cups? I can't really drink it without a cup.” She looks at me, disappointment and shock in her eyes.
“Julian. He just said they can't drink it without a cup.”
“For shame my friend, for shame. Of course you can. Watch.” Without a moment's hesitation, he lifted the jar above his head, positioned the spout over his mouth, and opened it fully. A purple, semi-transparent, probably nearly deadly beverage poured out of the tap and into his mouth. He holds it there with no signs of returning it to the ground, greedily swallowing mouthfulls of the liquid, Pearl chanting ‘CHUG CHUG CHUG’ all the while. It’s safe to say I’m not going to be able to try that. Even if I wanted to.
Walking back over to the rest of the group, Callie and Aurora are still arguing over who gets to take their hand out first. It's a war of attrition at this point, and neither side looks like they're going to run out of resources anytime soon. As entertaining as this is, nobody else has gotten any food yet, I should really put a stop to this.
Before I can, the screech of a big rig pounding its brakes can be heard from the road. Oh there's Brad. he’s not usually this late, and he usually takes a much more…modest vehicle. The truck he’s in now is anything but modest. I’ve heard him talk about it before, with its fusion engine and five tons of towing capacity, but actually seeing it? It's no wonder it can pull that much weight, the things a monster. It's painted silver, with three sets of wheels in total, two of which have double tires. Instead of the typical cab of a usual big rig, its front is completely flattened over, with no windows to speak of.
The trailer itself is just as over the top as the cab, only being describable as a rectangle of pure steel. It has two more sets of wheels, also with double tires, and the polaris logo is plastered on the side. Haido nudges me with his shoulder, chuckling.
“Someones compensating.” Typically I don't entirely enjoy Haido’s sense of humor, but I'll admit, that wasn’t bad.
The hydraulics hiss, and the truck lowers to the ground, the back panel opening into a ramp. Out steps brad, clad in a dark blue jacket, gray khaki shorts, and a bag of half eaten salami sticks in his hand. It looks like he just woke up, and put on the first thing he saw. Granted he doesn’t look bad, the blue and gray go well together, it just looks a bit hasty with the snacks in his hands.
He steps down from the ramp, and it closes automatically behind him, he waves to us, before tapping the side of the trailer. After a short delay, the truck takes off down the road out of sight, probably not too far, considering he still needs a ride. Stuffing the rest of his snacks in his mouth, he starts over to the group.
“Sorry I'm late, that things too big to take on city roads.” No shit huh? The thing must have been at least fifteen feet wide. I’m surprised it’s even road legal.
“Then why did you take it?”
“Its cool as fuck.” I shrug.
“Fair enough.”
He sits down next to Haido, and sparks a discussion about weaponry and old cars. Haido doesn’t add much at first, but quickly starts warming up to the idea of talking to another human being. After a while, he’s rambling on about how his dad got him into pickup trucks and shotguns. It’s nice to see him enjoying himself for once, that guy's life is nothing but doom and gloom.
The battle between Callie and Aurora is still raging at full force, but Aurora seems to have the upper hand. They’ve managed to push Callie to the side of the bag, and her hand is almost entirely outside it. With one final shove, Aurora manages to force Callie outside the bag entirely, claiming victory in the battle. They let out a triumphant laugh, before pulling out a large bowl of goulash from the bag, and sitting down next to Marie.
Callie lays defeated on the ground, the grievous wounds (light slaps) she suffered from in the heat of battle pulsing with waves of pain. She’s barely holding on to life, and she clings to Marie for aid, speaking weakly about how badly she lost. Marie, entirely used to her cousin's antics, decides to play along.
“No, Callie don’t die! Just hang on, you'll be okay!”
“Maire… there's a light…”
“DON’T GO INTO THE LIGHT CALLIE! STAY WITH ME!” Callie lets out a breath, before she slumps down in Maries arms, playing up her ‘death’ as greatly as possible.
“Callie? CALLIE?!” She shakes her lightly, confirming her death.
“no…” Entirely distraught with the death of her cousin, Marie breaks into sobs. She’s completely inconsolable, at least until Callie starts snorting with laughter in her lap. Quickly joining in, she lets her cousin go between her fits of laughter.
Laughing to myself, I’m interrupted by a car horn from the road. Another car pulled over on the road, a gray Toyota corolla. Nice car honestly, if a bit old. It only barely has the chance to stop fully, before a very hyper Sally jumps out of the back seat. Her parents climb out of the front next, and nod to Sally to let her know she can run off. Sally wastes no time, bounding over to the group in mere seconds, damn, kids fast.
“SPOOK! YOU KNOW THE SQUID SISTERS?!”
“I don’t know if I would put it like that, but I guess.” Sally looks like she’s going to explode, she's basically vibrating, and the smile on her face might split her head in two. She spends a few seconds looking back and forth between Haido and the Squid Sisters, sputtering wildly. There's a chuckle from Marina, and Sally ceases her sputtering, slowly turning towards the origin of the sound. Somehow, her smile grows even larger, and she spins toward Haido.
“HOW DO YOU KNOW THESE PEOPLE?!” Haido takes another swig of his drink before answering, leaving Sally to struggle not to fall off the face of the earth with excitement.
“Mainly through Marty, he knows them a lot better than I do.” Sally turns toward me and grabs my hand. Oh boy, here we go.
“CAN I GET THEIR AUTOGRAPH?”
“Ask them.” I say, grabbing the bag, allowing Haido and Brad to grab their food. They mutter a thank you before reaching in and pulling out a plate with a heaping portion of shepherd's pie for Haido, and a couple slices of pepperoni pizza for Brad. I pass them a few utensils, before dipping my calzone into the marinara sauce, and biting in. It’s delicious. The proportions of cheese, sauce and meat are perfect, and the cheese is wonderfully stringy. That being said, it’s also excruciatingly hot. So much so I start breathing through my mouth in an attempt to cool it off.
In my frantic yet futile attempts to cool off the inside of my mouth, I notice a significant lack of movement from Pearl and Julian. She’s face down in the grass with Julian sitting next to her poking her shoulder. She’s probably too drunk to think. I should probably tell Marina her wife is catatonic.
“Uh… Marina?”
“Hm?” I point to Pearl, and a look of disappointment comes onto her face. She sighs before standing up and walking over, muttering to herself all the while.
“Oh! Uh hold on a sec." I reach into the bag and pull out a few bottles of water, tossing them to her. She thanks me, before continuing over to Pearl. Marina taps her with her foot, and she groans. So she’s alive, at least there's that. Chuckling to myself, I toss the bag to Jason and the rest of the splatoon, so they can grab a bite to eat. Sallys parents are too busy helping Marina with Pearl at the moment, helping walk her to the helicopter. Poor thing, doesn’t know their limits one bit. Without a drinking buddy, Julian walks back over to the main group, empty jar in hand, also drunk out of his mind. He sits down, well more falls down, next to Eight, and begins rambling about old stories from the war.
Sally’s calmed down now, and is talking with Callie Marie, and Aurora about who knows what, they’re going too fast to tell, seemingly changing topic every other sentence. I take another bite from my calzone, before I hear my name called out from behind me.
“Hey! Marty, right? Come over here!” It’s Jason, from that whole genesis thing. Got nothing better to do, might as well see what’s up. Standing up and walking over, he's got the hammer-pack scrunched up to his shoulder, clearly bewildered about its mere existence.
“How the hell does this thing work, and where can I get one?” Sitting down, I swallow my food before responding.
“I’m not really sure how it works honestly, something about a contained spacial anomaly if I remember correctly. As for where you can get one, you can’t. That baby’s one of a kind. Created in the Lazarus labs themselves.” Surely he’s heard of the lazarus labs, we had some of the most revered scientific minds to ever live! Much to my horror however, a look of confusion appears on his face, and he cocks his head to the side.
“Lazarus? Never heard of them.”
“Seriously? We had some really well known scientists. Like Robert Hooke, or Grace Hopper, or even Richard Feynman. Have you really not heard of us?” He’s had to have heard of us right? We were the leading strength in scientific advancement before the war. Every STEM major worth their salt knew about us. He thinks for a moment, before shaking his head.
“Nope, never heard of you. Might’ve just forgotten because of cryo fatigue and all that though, I'm sure you people were crazy smart.” That’s plausible, your mind tends to only hang on to the really important stuff through cryo, so I wouldn’t be surprised if he forgot a few things.
I sigh, disappointed he forgot about us, and I gesture for my bag back. He takes it off his arm disappointedly, before tossing it into my lap. Nodding a thank you to him, I stuff the rest of my calzone in my mouth and head over to sit with Aurora. I hand the bag off to Marie, and she opens the pouch for Callie and Sally to grab a plate of food. Sally goes first, pulling out a plate with a few grilled cheese sandwiches stacked on it. They must have already explained how to use it to Sally, which saves me some time. Callie reaches in next, and simply pulls out a fistfull of hardcandy, earning a sigh from Marie, who pulls out a few chocolate scones.
Swallowing the rest of the food in my mouth, I remember the entire reason I put this together in the first place. Stealing myself for the argument I know is coming, I ask Marie about leaving people the fuck alone.
“So, Marie, you think you can leave everyone alone? It’s pretty clear no one here's a threat if you just leave them be.” she sighs, contemplating her answer.
“As many resources the splatoon has sunk into finding them, you’re correct in saying they don’t seem to be a threat, at least for now. We’ll be keeping our eye on them, but we won't attack them first.” Wow. That was way easier than I thought it would be. Thank god for that, i really didn’t want to have a whole fight with everyone around like this, it could get physical very quickly.
“Oh uh, yeah. Yeah that works do that. I’m gonna let them know.” Getting up and walking over to Haido and Brad, who are still deep in conversation, I tap Haido on the shoulder.
“ Hey, I got the splatoon off your guys’ back. Just don’t fuck with them and we’ll be good.”
“That. Is fantastic news. And believe me, I have no plans of going anywhere near them anytime soon.” Haido replies, taking another drink. Brad replies next, his mouth full of pizza.
“Same, I just don’t want to die out here y’know?” That’s good, they don’t seem to want to attack them at all, so we should be able to look forward to a relatively quiet future. At least until some other asshole wakes up and starts racking up a body count. I’ll deal with that if and when it happens though, for now, I’m just happy things are calming down. Sitting back down with Aurora, I listen in on their conversation with Marie about fashion. I don’t understand any of it, they’re throwing around words like ‘seams’ and ‘bespoke’, whatever the hell those mean.
After about ten more minutes of incomprehensible fashion nonsense, they seemed to have finished their conversation, just enjoying the atmosphere of being outside. In fact, it seems everyone has run out of things to talk about. I suppose all good things must eventually come to an end, but no one seems to want to be the one to end it. Thankfully, I’m from the midwest. I know how to fix this. Clearing my throat, I slap my palms against my knees, and speak the forbidden phrase, guaranteed to disband any and all social gatherings in an instant.
“Welp, I ‘spose we should head out.” a small chorus of agreements ring out from everyone present, and they stand up and start heading to their cars. Or helicopters in the case of the splatoon.
Heh, it just works.