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Rex felt his eye twitch. Behind him he heard Jesse and Fives snickering.
"With all due respect sir, you ate a what?!"
Anakin had the audacity to shrug, "Some red glowing beetle thing. It was good, nice 'n crunchy. Don't worry, Kix said they shouldn't be poisonous."
And then he kriffing grinned at Rex and gave two thumbs-up's. Fives howled in laughter.
"Why...why are you like this, General."
----
"Sir, how did this happen?" Rex asked with an exasperated sigh.
"Well you see, Fives here dared me to see how fast I can chew through a datapad because he didn't think togrutas teeth were that sharp." Ahsoka announced proudly, the datapad buzzing with sparks of blue beside her.
The Captain pinched his nose bridge before glaring at Fives. "You, will be on 'fresher duty for a week." The ARC pouted.
"Spoilsport"
Rex raised a brow. "The Commander could have been electrocuted, or may have swallowed a wire."
Fives only stuck out his tongue in response.
----
"In my defense sir, General Skywalker gave me permission to ride the speeder in the hangar."
Rex was seriously questioning how he had survived this long with his sanity intact.
The Captain let out a very long exhale. Everyone knew Skywalker was the only one who would approve of such idiocy (and maybe Kenobi after a few too many shots of whiskey)
"That is the most pathetic excuse you could ever give me and you will be joining Fives in 'fresher duty"
Hardcase gave a small 'hmph' and muttered something along the lines of 'you're just jealous you didn't get to ride a speeder at max speed indoors'
----
When a glob of bland-looking stew splatted onto his helmet right as the doors to the mess hall opened, Rex was wondering how all these di'kut's were some of the GAR's finest men when their brains were nothing more than non-existent.
And he certainly did not appreciate that his Commander was now on the ground, wheezing and out of air.
Rex tasked Jesse with cleaning his bucket to perfection with a single toothbrush. The face the Lieutenant gave was almost worth it. Almost.
----
Rex would've been absolutely ecstatic when the 212th arrived if it weren't for the fact that both legions were currently on leave and therefore General Kenobi would be temporarily absent of any braincells whatsoever.
"Hey Obi-Wan, I found this huge red beetle today!"
"Let me guess, you ate it?"
"Fuck yeah I did, it was really crunchy."
"I'm glad you enjoyed it, Anakin."
"Say, you wouldn't have any...exotic insects living on your ship?"
""..."
""..."
"Well, some of the boys were complaining about some sort of scorpion looking centipede..."
"Master, you are awesome."
"Oh I know Anakin, I know."
"GENERAL!"
"Oh shit, Rex is here, I better get going, thanks Obi-Wan!"
---
"What the kark is going on now!?" Rex groaned as he slapped a palm onto his face.
Kix cleared his throat. "Echo and Fives decided to magnetize the ceiling of their barracks and the General accidentally walked in and got stuck. When they shut off the magnet Dogma walked in and the General landed on him and now Dogma has a mild concussion."
"And when was this?"
"Exactly..." Kix checked his chrono "3 minutes ago, sir." He deadpanned
"I'll kriffing shoot those di'kut's"
"I know you want to sir, but remember the paperwork." Kix pointed out. Rex frowned and nodded.
----
"Heya Cap!" Tup grinned from ear to ear.
"What the absolute FUCK." Rex hisses. Shrieks of laughter could be heard from all around the room.
"Do you like my hair? The Commander, Fives, and Echo helped me with it." Tup asked, feigning innocent with big wide eyes. Rex looked up at the hair in horror.
It was a mixture of bright green and blue, and it stuck out in every single direction, held together with some sort of slimy, glittery substance.
Rex was truly at a loss for words. When he found them, all he did was mutter under his breath with disbelief, "The Commander doesn't even have fucking hair"
Tup considered this, before nodding wistfully, "Yes, but she is very artistic."
"Someone shoot me."
To make matters worse, the Generals and Cody walked by. Cody's eyes widen, his hand moved up to cover what was definitely a shit-eating grin.
Anakin burst out in laughter, alternating between clutching his stomach and looking back up at Tup's hair before wheezing once again.
Obi-wan blinked momentarily, before nodding and smiling with approval, "I like your new hair Tup, I hope you decide to keep it."
"Now I really want to be shot."
----
Rex found himself desperately needing a drink. And so he did just that. He dragged Cody to 79's for some much need alcohol.
"What a kriffing week." He groaned as slammed his cup down.
Cody blinked at him with mild concern before snorting with a growing grin.
"Rex it's a fucking Monday."
Rex looked at him with a frown before he allowed his head to bang against the table.
And then he screamed.