Chapter Text
Caelus groaned, slumping against the couch with a loud thump. The Astral Express shifted smoothly under him, orbiting some planet that he can’t remember the name of in his foggy mind. He tugged off his coat with more aggression than necessary, tired of being dragged down by it. He tried to stretch his fingers across his forehead to relax it, but it almost made his stress worse.
Grumbling in defeat, he dropped his arm and stared at the broad window of the train car, his body weighed heavily with exhaustion. His mind was whirling as Himeko stepped into the Express, spotting him in an overworked crumple, one she knew quite well from her collection of travels. Caelus acknowledged her with a soft greeting before closing his eyes in a desperate attempt to relax after many hours without such a thing.
He supposed that was enough for Himeko, as her steps quieted until it was clear she had left the car. Sighing, he flopped over into a more comfortable position, thinking that he would now go undisturbed. Everyone else was still out on the mission, except for Dan Heng, who explained he would be reorganizing the archives before they left.
Pathetic. A voice rang in Caelus’s head. His own. Everyone else has been working so hard, and yet here you are, completely burnt out. You’re just a burden for the Express.
The thoughts only spiraled from there. Caelus bit back tears and just tried to get some sleep, but the silence of the train only served as a reminder that he was supposed to be out there and he wasn’t. He had promised to help with the mission and he had failed.
“Caelus.” a soft voice mumbled into his ear. Caelus opened his eyes to find a concerned face moving from his, as though Dan Heng had just leaned close just to wake him up. “I can see you’re stressed. Why?”
That was hard to answer. But Dan Heng would understand, right? No matter what, he always seemed to. Still, trying to avoid the question, Caelus simply reached out and traced some patterns on Dan Heng’s thigh, his tears threatening to fall again.
Dan Heng reached out and stroked his soft, gray hair, gently moving Caelus’s head to rest on his thigh. He was too good at telling what other people were feeling, even if he didn’t always know how to help. “I would like it if you told me,” he murmured.
Caelus hesitated for a few more heartbeats. “...I don’t think I belong on the Express.” he whimpered softly, turning to face away so that perhaps Dan Heng wouldn’t notice his escaping tears.
Of course, he did. But even so, he simply moved to wipe them away with a loving hand. “You do.” he replied matter-of-factly. “I don’t know why you wouldn’t. You’ve been a wondrous asset, darling.”
The tears grew stronger. Caelus let them fall. “I’m not being a wondrous asset right now,” he argued. “I’m here crying while everybody else is off being useful and saving lives. I… I’m so tired… weak…”
“You are letting yourself cry in front of somebody. That’s something few are strong enough to do.” Dan Heng stated. “Plus, you have much of the physical labour, especially with me staying behind. It is quite understandable that it is a heavy burden to carry. You must let yourself rest.”
Rest. “But they’re not resting…” Caelus resisted, shaking softly with tears against Dan Heng’s body.
“And that is because they have let themselves rest before. Tell me, Cae, when was the last time you slept?”
“...A few days ago.”
“My point has been made.” Dan Heng frowned down at him, sighing softly. “You must get rest. Rest does not make you weak. What makes you weak is not letting your body get what it needs. Imagine starving yourself for ‘a few days’.”
Caelus supposed that was true. And he had to admit, Dan Heng’s thigh wasn’t a terrible pillow. Slowly, as Dan Heng continued to stroke his hair lovingly, his exhaustion overtook him, his tears dried.