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"Mom, are you ready? Azula, father, Kiyi and I are all packed.", Zuko said from the other side of the bedroom door.
"I'm done, I'm just grabbing a book. I'll meet you outside.", Ursa responded and Zuko gave her an "Okay" before leaving. Ursa sighed and looked at the bikini in her hands. It was beautiful and she had bought it on a whim in a moment of confidence. Now, she wasn't sure if she had just wasted money.
Her family will meet with the Avatar, the Gaang and Hakoda on Ember Island for a vacation. It had been Aang's idea. Ozai hadn't been too keen on joining, especially when he found out Iroh will be there as well. Their relationship was still strained, despite Iroh's tries, but Ozai was slow to forget and forgive. To Ursa’s sorrow, Iroh had begun to accept the fact that his relationship to his brother was irredeemable broken.
With a sigh, Ursa quickly packed the bikini before she could change her mind. She had already bought it after all, why not give it a chance? Grabbing a random book from the shelf, Ursa left to meet her family in the palace courtyard. Her heart warmed at the sight of Kiyi clutching her father's sleeve, while Zuko and Azula were bickering over something. Kiyi had quickly accepted Ozai as her father, who had been overwhelmed at first and had taken longer to get used to the fact that he had another daughter.
Ozai was simply watching, entertaining himself with his childrens' dispute. He hasn't changed much in appearance, but sometimes, there was a shadow in his eyes, especially when he was looking at Zuko and Azula. Ursa knew that what he had done to them would haunt him forever. For all his flaws, he loved his children and even if he didnt, he wouldn't harm them because Ursa loved them and he loved her.
Ozai noticed her standing there and raised an eyebrow. "Finally decided to join us? What took you so long?"
Ursa stopped next to him. "I couldn't decide what book to take with me. What are they bickering about?"
"Azula isn't happy with the way Zuko organized the baggage.", Ozai said, a small smile tugging on his lips. Ursa rolled her eyes.
"I wonder from whom she inherited her perfectionism."
"Truly a mystery.", he hummed and chuckled when Ursa lightly slapped his shoulder.
~~~
Ember Island was as beautiful as she remembered and Ursa laughed when Zuko was enthusiastically greeted by Sokka.
"Great, everyone's here. This vacation will be wonderful and afterwards, we all will be much better friends.", Aang cheered and Ozai barely suppressed the urge to sigh.
The first two days were uneventful and Ozai, under much teasing pressure from his wife, admitted it wasn't as bad as he had imagined. Everyone's favourite part of the day, however, was the beach. Initially, Ozai had been surprised to see Ursa wear a swimsuit, but he didn't dwell on it.
In the slow rebuilding of their relationship, Ozai and Ursa had to talk about many things, and if Ozai were truly the tyrant and heartless man the world believed him to be, the story would be a different one.
On the fourth day of their vacation, Ursa grabbed the bikini from her bag. Ozai was outside, and so she decided to put it on. After all, it would be a waste to let it go unused. Ursa looked at her reflection.
She looked terrible. Ursa covered her mouth with a hand while the other rested on her stomach. No matter the angle, there was no improvement. Four children have left their mark on her body: stretch marks on her stomach and chest and her belly was soft and doughy. No matter how much she had worked out, after Kiyi her stomach had barely recovered from the weight and stayed too soft.
Ursa tries her best to will away the tears and she started when she heard someone, presumably Ozai, come upstairs. Hastily, she changed into her swimsuit.
"Ursa, are you still here?"
"A moment, I'm currently changing."
"Oh, is that so ~", Ozai purred and she tried not to react too much. There was no way he would find her attractive when he saw what she looked like now. Fortunately, by the time he opened the door to the bedroom, Ursa was fully dressed and had managed to throw the bikini in her bag.
Ozai stood in the doorway, eyes scanning the room before landing on her. Ursa met his gaze, trying not to back down though it seemed as if he saw right through her.
"What is upsetting you?"
"Me? Why would you think something is upsetting me?", Ursa asked and Ozai only threw her a look. Both knew she couldn't deceive him, for he read rooms and moods faster than even Azula, though she was catching up quickly.
"Anyway, what brings you here? Did you forget something?", Ursa said, trying to deflect and Ozai indulged her.
"Kiyi can't find her doll. But, since it's not here, she either forgot it on the ship or at home."
Ursa pinched the bridge of her nose. "Just wonderful. I hope she's not crying."
Ozai shook his head. "She's sad, but will accept the loss. It's the sentimental value which pains her. Besides, either Zuko or Iroh will get her a new one."
She sighed in relief and grabbed her towel.
"Come, let's enjoy the sun while it's still out."
Ozai hesitated following his wife. He scanned the room and his eyes fell on the bag on Ursa’s side of the bed. A strap was peeking out and when he took it, he found an unfamiliar top attached to it. When had Ursa bought a new bikini? But it confirmed his theory on Ursa’s struggle. He hadn't missed the way she sometimes tensed when his hands were roaming over her clothed body. She had promised she didn't mind his touch - a statement which had brought Ozai much relief- or the way she always shied away from further intimacy. Ozai would be content with that, if there weren't the nagging feeling that he wasn't the problem. Now, he had come into a room practically smelling of sadness and disgust and with the piece of clothing in his hands, he knew what was bothering her.
And he won't stand it.
~~~
While Zuko, Azula and their friends were playing beach volleyball with Iroh watching and Kiyi was animatedly telling Hakoda a story, Ursa was drifting on the waves with her board. The cool sea was a wonderful contrast to the sun warming her back. Suddenly, her board was dragged behind a small rock formation. She sat up in confusion.
"Ozai? What are you doing?", Ursa asked him when he popped up from underwater. His face was serious as he regarded Ursa. The board sank a few centimeters when he leaned on it and Ursa flinched slightly when the cool water hit her warmed back.
"Why didn't you say anything?", Ozai asked and Ursa looked at him in bafflement.
"What?"
"You're insecure. You hate your body, thinking it's disgusting.", Ozai bluntly stated and Ursa froze, eyes wide. He continued. "I had a hunch, since you always tense whenever I touch you around your hips. I don't think you even notice that. You bought a new bikini. I found it shortly after we left the room this afternoon. Did you know the room practically smelled of disgust? I bet you tried on the bikini and didn't like what you saw and switched back to your swimsuit."
Ursa couldn't utter a word. Lowering her head, she felt tears well up in her eyes.
"After Kiyi…it didn't heal as well as before. The marks didn't fade and no matter how much I trained my stomach, the soft layer stayed. My chest is sagging and together, it's a hideous sight.", she sobbed and the board sank further when Ozai climbed on it, sitting opposite of Ursa. Gently, he cupped her face and made her look at him.
"You gave birth to four children, Ursa. You cannot expect to look as before, and I never expected it." He put their foreheads together and closed his eyes. "Over 12 years were we separated and you still ignite the same desire in me as if we were young."
"We aren't that old.", Ursa managed to chuckle before she deflated again."You are saying that because you haven't seen me -"
She was cut off by his salty lips. It was a ravenous kiss, giving her a hint of the passion and desire brimming under the surface. Her eyes fluttered shut as Ozai stole her breath. But both forgot they were on a swim board at sea, and a strong wave had them tumble off it. Ursa coughed as she swallowed saltwater and Ozai laughed at her. He grabbed her waist and pulled them closer to the rock for stabilization.
"Tonight, if you allow me, I will show you just how beautiful and desirable you still are.", he whispered against her lips and she shuddered. She couldn't deny the anticipation, but the insecurity still had a hold on her. Ursa didn't look at him, but felt his eyes on her.
"I'll think about it, okay?", she hesitantly answered and Ozai kissed the back of her hand.
"Whenever you're ready. I am simply a tool to please you, in whatever way."
"Mother? Father?", Zuko's voice called out and both sighed.
"Seems like our presence is missed.", Ozai grumbled and slipped off the board. Ursa giggled and watched him disappear beneath the waves. Lazily, she lied back down on her swimboard and drifted back to the shore. Kiyi spotted her first.
"Mother, do you know where father is?"
"Somewhere out there, diving around.", Ursa said, waving in a random direction by the sea. Azula grabbed Kiyi's hand and dragged into the water.
"Then we shall find him.", she declared and her sister whooped. Ursa watched her daughters swim out with a smile.
While her family may never be perfect and is covered by the shadows of the past, she was happy to see it heal as much as it could.