Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

At some point, when the usual four crashed the party, Wendy wondered if begging them to come would turn out to be a mistake.

It was common knowledge that Eric, Kenny, Stan, and Kyle should never all be intoxicated at the same party, lest you want your house trashed and/or burned down. They were fun sober, but once all of them had downed a few shots, hell was prone to break loose.

Wendy had come to an agreement with them: two of them could be blackout drunk, but two had to remain at least kind of sober.

And so began the "Kyle and Kenny Mom Arc," as their class had affectionately named it.

Eric and Stan would party like there was no tomorrow and consume damn near all the booze in the house, whilst Kenny and Kyle became a little high at most and watched over them. Kyle would leave occasionally to deal with one of his many astounding health conditions (seriously, it's worrying how much was wrong with this boy) and Kenny might run off or accidentally die, but it usually worked as damage control.

However, if one wanted to really cause a ruckus, have a rager if you will, then one would tell them all to come pre-gamed and ready for more. For some, they'd do it for revenge at someone else's party; for others, they'd do it simply to create a distraction so they could cheat on their partner. Everyone had their reasons, and almost everyone had done it before.

Wendy's reason tonight? Tolkien had cheated on her. Multiple times. In one night.

That was a whole other can of worms.

And, sure, it may have been a little cunt-ish of Wendy to invite her ex-boyfriend and his group of friends to harass and hopefully fight her other ex-boyfriend, but at this point, she didn't care anymore. She wanted revenge, but didn't want to get her hands dirty.

So here Stan found himself, presently, sorting through some of his things while Eric and Kenny argued about some godforsaken video game and Kyle sat on the floor, looking as though he was somewhere between deep in thought and like he just shot up heroin (it could be either with him, as had become evident after he started taking online college courses in the middle of their junior year).

Stan was putting a book away when his phone buzzed. It chimed a few more times before he groaned, picked it up, stared at it for a minute or two, and immediately began scrounging around for his jar of weed.

When he saw Stan rolling a blunt, Kyle finally snapped out of his daze. "Whuh-" He cleared his throat. "What are you doing, dude? You know we're not supposed to get high before a party." His words made Kenny and Eric look over and exchange mildly confused looks.

"Yeah, well," Stan grumbled, sealing a second blunt, "Wendy decided today would be different."

"Oh, Jesus, tell me she doesn't want us to crash Tolkien's party." Kenny dropped his head into his hands, the hood of his newest parka falling back from the sudden movement. "I thought she was the only person who doesn't want us doing this shit."

Stan shrugged and flicked his lighter, taking a drag and passing the cigarette to Kyle. "Trouble in paradise, I guess. Apparently, Tolkien cheated on her with a bunch of chicks at Clyde's party a few months back."

Kyle took the blunt from Stan and winced. "Is that the one he paid us to crash?"

"I think so," Eric confirmed, rolling his eyes.

"Yikes." The ginger grimaced and took a long drag. "Is she mad at us?"

"Don't think so," Stan mumbled, amused.

Kenny giggled and yanked his hood over his head. "I think at least ninety percent of this class' drama is our fault."

Eric dramatically flopped over on Kenny's lap. "Oh, dear! Whatever shall we do, knowing we have entertained our entire class since freshman year, if not earlier!" he bemoaned, pressing a hand to his forehead and fluttering his eyelashes. He cackled when Kenny giggled again and pushed him off.

Kyle rolled his eyes and pulled over his bag. He pulled out a glass bottle and waved it in the air. "I came prepared."

Stan raised a brow and breathed out a line of smoke, gently tapping the second blunt. "Why'd you bring that?" He passed it to Kenny to share with Eric and turned back to Kyle, holding out his hand expectantly.

"Dude, because I'm exhausted. Trying to get an associate's and finish senior year all at once sucks. Now, do you want the weed or the bottle?"

"Either." Stan grinned at the firm weight of the glass as soon as it entered his hand. Hard whiskey; Kyle must've had it rough to want this shit. "This year been hard?"

"Harder 'en Kenny when he sees tits, man." Kyle shook his head and grinned.

Kenny snickered. "Dude, shut up." He lightly smacked Kyle's shoulder.

Eric shook Kenny. "Don't leave me over here just hotboxing, man."

"This isn't even hotboxing."

"Might as well be! You got two joints in a tiny room, dude!" he whined. "C'mon, just gimme something!"

Kenny rolled his eyes and passed the cigarette to him. "Prissy ass bitch."

"Fuck you, poor boy."

"Fatass."

"I'm not even that fat anymore."

"Piggy boy."

"Shut up."

"Shut up, my name's Eric Cartman and I'm a little piggy," Kenny mocked.

"God damn it!"

Stan laughed and took a swig. He glanced at the time. "Do your worst, dudes. We have half an hour before we have to leave."

By the time they had to leave, all four boys were sufficiently baked and ready to go.

Kyle stumbled down the steps of the Tegridy Farms farmhouse as Stan shouted a goodbye to his parents. Kenny caught him and dipped him romantically, grinning flirtatiously. "Hiya, handsome!"

Laughing in response, Kyle arched his back so that his hair brushed the dirt path. "Dude, put me down."

Kenny shrugged. "Suit yourself." He dropped him onto the ground unceremoniously.

"Ow!"

Eric dug through his bag, blinking away the fuzzy vision he always got when he smoked. "Where's my… oh." He pulled out a bent up and partially melted piece of plastic. "Aw, my vape!"

Stan snickered and led the way down the path and toward his car. "That's what you get for vaping."

"You smoke weed and drink whiskey. "

"You just smoked weed too."

"Fair point," Eric admitted, stuffing his broken vape back into his bag. "Nice to finally get a chance to let loose at a party."

"I'll drink to that," Kyle affirmed, having stood up and stolen the bottle of whiskey back from Stan. He took a long drink, a worryingly long drink, a drink so long Stan wondered if he was going to be okay when he put it down.

"Dude, Jesus," Stan breathed and yanked the bottle down. "Don't give yourself alcohol poisoning before we can even get to the party."

Kyle stuck his tongue out at Stan. "I'm not a lightweight."

"Yeah, well, fuck you, I'd like to enjoy tonight and not have to worry about you dying."

"Cheers," Kenny grumbled. He snatched the bottle and took a long drink. "So, anyway, shotgun."

Kyle and Eric exchanged an annoyed look as Stan snickered and unlocked his car. "Go ahead, Ken, but if these two kill each other in the back, you have to clean it up."

"Aw, no fun!" He jumped into the passenger seat and grinned.

Stan entered the driver's seat, probably barely mentally functioning enough to drive (which likely meant that the four of them would be crashing at Tolkien's tonight). "Get in, losers," he slurred, "we have a cheating bitch's party to crash."

Kenny and Eric whooped whilst Kyle just slumped into the back seat behind Stan, looking already burnt out. Yikes.

One short car ride later and the partners (group? quad?) in crime found themselves at the Blacks' residence, having been repurchased by Tolkien's parents after his father gave up on the weed farm.

Cars were lined in the circular driveway and along the street, the owners already knowing that most of them would be staying there all night. Eric and Kyle bickered and fought all the way to the front door while Kenny tried to pull Kyle away and Stan just laughed.

Good times.

Stan knocked on the door, ignoring the two people already throwing up in the front yard– dude, it's still light out, how are you already sick? –and waited for an answer. While the party was already clearly in motion, and had likely been like that long before the set time to arrive, the people inside had no idea how much worse it was about to get.

Bebe opened the door, smiling, but her face fell when she laid her eyes upon the four clearly-wasted boys in front of her. "Oh, Jesus Christ."

Kenny waved her off. "Wendy said we could."

"Wendy?- Oh. Ohhh. Come on in, then," she said, stepping back and flashing a knowing smirk.

The boys walked in together and looked around. It seemed like everyone they had ever known was there; even some underclassmen had gotten in. 

Kyle turned to Stan. "Split up or stick together?"

"Pairs," Stan countered, eyeing the other three. "Usual formation."

Eric pouted childishly. "It'd be better if we were all together."

"We'll all join up together when it gets late, alright? For now, drink 'nd get wasted. Don't die, though." Stan clapped Kyle on the shoulder then grabbed his hand. "C'mon."

Kenny groaned as he watched them run off to the kitchen. "Gayasses."

"Seriously," Eric grumbled. "Alright, let's go, Kinny. See what we can do in the backyard."

They scrambled off.

Kyle and Stan found Craig, Clyde, and Jimmy arguing in the kitchen over a bottle of some shitty vodka. Tweek stood there, looking nervous and fiddling with a stereotypical red Solo cup. Kyle immediately went up to him and started talking to him, while Stan turned to the bickering trio.

"No- no, dude, she's got, like, massive knockers," Clyde insisted.

Craig groaned. "So? How is that my business? Why are you even telling us about this?"

"Y-Yeah, Clyde, y-y-you seem t-to be pr-pre-pretty defensive over this chick." Jimmy raised his eyebrows suggestively and raised one of his crutches to gesture at Clyde. "What, are you tr-trying to convince yours-self that you… r-rea-really like her?"

"Shut up!"

Craig gave a nasally laugh before he noticed Stan standing beside him and looking amused. "Oh, Stan. Hey, dude."

"Hey." Stan waved tiredly. "What's Clyde crying about now?"

"He got a new girlfriend," Craig mumbled dryly as he took a sip of whatever the hell he was drinking. "I don't think he even really likes her, 'cause he's been talking to us about her for twenty minutes and all he's really said was that she's hot."

"I do like her!" Clyde whined. "We just haven't been going out all that long, so I don't know much about her!"

"Yeah? Wh-Where's she from, Clyde?" Jimmy smirked.

"Denver."

"And what's her n-n-na-name?"

"It's Hailey," he responded triumphantly.

"Mhm. Her l-l-a-ast name?"

Clyde stared at Jimmy for a moment, frowning. "...Okay, listen, we haven't gotten that far yet."

"Thought so." Jimmy glanced at Stan. "Hi, S-Stan. You want some… of wh-what-whatever this i-is?" He nodded to the bottle of vodka that Craig was currently pouring into his strange concoction.

"Sure, man." He took a cup of the drink and turned his attention to Kyle.

Kyle chuckled and lightly punched Tweek's shoulder, exchanging amused grins with him. "Dude, really? And you didn't tell anybody?"

"Yeah. I thought– gah! –thought Tolkien had figured us out, but he was just as clueless as everybody else. I think it was 'cause of how we acted afterward, I'm sure people thought it was Craig that would… you know." Tweek snickered and twitched a little. "We got away with it, I guess."

Nodding, Kyle laughed. "You definitely did. I wouldn't have even guessed if you didn't tell me. Does anybody else know?"

"I mean, Butters does."

" Butters knows?!"

Tweek nodded and opened his mouth to speak, but was interrupted by Stan.

"Hey, dude." Stan sat next to Kyle on the table. "What's up, Tweek?"

"Nothing much," Tweek said, giving Kyle a knowing glance and being swat away with a laugh. He smiled at the two of them. "What's new with you guys?" He swept a hand through his hair, looking much more neat and put-together than he had ever looked before junior year. It was a fresh change for him, to have a support system and friend group, and it seemed to calm him down enough to actually brush his hair and put on clothes correctly in the morning.

Stan tipped back his cup before responding. "Wendy asked us to crash."

"Really? I thought she was the one behind the Mom Arc."

"She was," Kyle affirmed. "But everybody has to break their own rules sometimes, I guess."

"I'll drink to that." Tweek grinned and chugged the rest of the liquid in his cup. "You guys seem pretty tame right now, you– gghh! –sure you're up to this?" he teased.

Kyle frowned. "Just not drunk enough yet, I guess."

Stan wordlessly handed his half-empty cup to Kyle.

It was getting dark out, and Eric was clearly bored. He and Kenny had gone to talk to the people by the pool and share drinks, although it had devolved into Kenny flirting with everyone with a face and ass and Eric just talking to Tolkien next to the table of drinks. They'd gotten to be friendly over the last couple of years, and Eric wondered if Tolkien had any clue that he and his friends were getting on track to ruin the party.

"Yeah. Hey, by the way, why is Kenny hammered? I thought he was, y'know, mom-ing." Tolkien gestured toward Kenny, who was teetering back and forth while making a clear pass at Betsy.

Eric raised his brows at the sight. Betsy seemed weirdly into it. "Oh, uh, yeah, Stan agreed to do that shit tonight," he lied awkwardly. "Let Kenny have a break, you know?" He glanced back at Tolkien who seemed unconvinced. "Uh, maybe it'll be good for him. Hard to get laid when you're poor and sober." His bad attempt at a joke seemed to work.

"I'm sure." Tolkien turned to the drinks, pouring out a shot and grabbing a Coke. "I heard Bebe's trying to sort out some stupid party game. Wendy seems into it, so I guess it's gonna happen." He shrugged and threw back the shot, looking woozy for a second, then shook it off. "I think she wants to do spin the bottle, but Bebe wants to do truth or dare."

With a nod, Eric responded, "They can do both." He turned away and dug through his pockets for something, but gave up when he realized they were empty.

The lack of this object could be detrimental to his plan. Time to adapt and overcome.

"Oh, Tolkien," Eric started, "where's your, uh, bathroom, again? Or, one of them?" He feigned a polite smile, though his tone was clearly passive-aggressive.

Tolkien frowned at the rich-boy jab. "Um… inside, up the stairs, by the study."

"Great, well, if you'll excuse me." Eric faked the smile for a few more awkward seconds before he turned on his heel and walked away swiftly. He could feel Tolkien's eyes boring into him, and while he felt bad about leaving Kenny out there to fend for himself, Eric had a plan to execute, and Kenny would be a good distraction.

He walked back into the house and shoved passed the bodies of people standing or dancing to the blaring music, getting to the stairs and running up them while ignoring the annoyed shouts from his classmates and underclassmen.

It took Kenny about five minutes to notice that Eric was missing.

"Huh? Why'd you stop?" Betsy asked softly, cocking her head and fluttering her eyelashes at him.

Damn it. He'd been so close to scoring, and then Eric just ups and disappears? Are you serious?

Kenny smirked apologetically. "My bad, sweetheart. Anyway, as I was saying…" He spoke to her mindlessly, thoughts wandering to Eric's whereabouts. He must have had a plan… he had mentioned something about some kind of funny business while they were in the car, but Kenny had assumed that was in reference to something else they had been talking about. Uh oh.

"Well, anyway, sweetheart, that's enough about me," he amended finally, even though most of their conversation hadn't been about him. "Tell me, what's got you here today?"

Betsy smiled. "Oh, you know. Bored, and plus, it's Tolkien's house. Anything can happen…"

Kenny was pretty sure the both of them had different thoughts behind that sentence. "For sure. So, do you-"

He was cut off by Bebe and Wendy charging into the backyard, Bebe almost falling into the pool but being pulled back by Red. She regained her balance, kicked off her heels, and grinned at Red as thanks.

Wendy laughed and clapped her hands. "Only seniors can be in the backyard right now! Underclassmen, fuck off! And bring any other seniors you find in here," she purred, smiling at the people in the backyard.

Immediately, all the younger students groaned and protested loudly, but eventually filed out. A few seniors walked out in their place and looked at Wendy and Bebe in confusion.

"Girls? What are we out here for?" Heidi asked as she walked outside.

"We're going to play a game! Duh!" Bebe grinned, clearly tipsy. She held up a bottle. "Spin the bottle and truth or dare, in the same game-" She frowned when she was interrupted by more tired groans. "C'mon! It'll be fun! It's like when we were little, guys!"

Wendy nodded. "And we can turn it into a drinking game."

Kenny was ashamed to admit that he perked up a little when Wendy said drinking game. In his defense, he was supposed to be drinking. And his excuse got a little more believable when he noticed Wendy sneaking him a knowing smirk.

"Huh? Bebe wants everybody outside?" Stan mumbled, blinking at the random sophomore that had walked up to him.

"No- no, she just wants the seniors outside." She rubbed her elbow and stared at the ground, blushing. "So… um, go outside, I guess."

Stan turned back to the other seniors. "Bebe calls. C'mon."

Kyle and Craig's gang followed him through the gaggle of people, picking up a few of their classmates on the way, before finally arriving outside. They were met with the sight of Tolkien and Wendy having a quiet conversation and Kenny looking alarmed and staring at them in the crowd of seniors.

Kyle was confused for a moment, until he made the connection. If Kenny and Eric were both visibly intoxicated around Tolkien, then that meant that Tolkien must think that Stan and Kyle were sober.

He tugged on Stan's sleeve with a distressed expression. "Dude."

Stan tore his gaze away from Wendy–there was probably some unresolved feelings there still–and looked at Kyle. "Huh?"

"We have to go back inside."

"What? Why?"

"Because Eric and Kenny went here, and Tolkien- he- Tolkien saw- well, they would both be wasted- er- fuck, nevermind! Just c'mon back inside!" Kyle hissed, stumbling over his words in a panic. He tried to stand up straighter and sent Kenny a fearful look that turned into a reassuring smile when he noticed Wendy looking at him. The look on her face made it seem like she hadn't thought this through all the way, either. She mouthed an apology at him and Stan and dragged Tolkien to the poolside.

Stan frowned at them. They seemed to have made up again. Wendy must have a thing for on-again off-again relationships. Anyway, he noticed her pulling out her phone and tapping furiously on it. His own phone buzzed a moment later, and when he checked it, he found that she had texted him.

I'll keep Tolkien away. Go back inside!

Stan elbowed Kyle and showed him the text, making him nod and smile nervously before Bebe interrupted. The two took her speech as a distraction and ran back inside.

"Hello, seniors! Wendy and I have dragged you all out here for one reason," she shouted, clapping in order to gain everyone's attention. "We're gonna play a game. I know most of you already know this, but I'm just repeating for everyone's sake." Her words were slightly slurred and she was clearly already drunk. "It's our last year, so-"

"Please do not start preaching," David shouted, evoking laughs from the decidedly blasted high schoolers.

"I'm not!" she whined. "I'm just saying, since it's our last year, we should do dumb shit for a little while! That's all!"

"Dumb shit, meaning silly kids' party games," Wendy informed the group.

"Yeah, so, everybody gather over here, make a circle! We're gonna play spin the bottle truth or dare!" Bebe continued, waving an empty beer bottle.

A few kids refused, preferring to head back inside, but most stuck around and did what they were told. Amusingly enough, the only kids left were the majority of the boys' fourth grade class, Kenny noted.

Eric burst outside with wide eyes and a funny look on his face, silencing all the kids in the backyard. "Wha- huh? What's everyone outside for?"

"We're playing a game. Thanks for joining us, Eric!" Wendy said smoothly, smiling warmly, yet with an icy warning of an undertone. "Please, join the circle."

He stared at her for a moment, bewildered, and sat next to Kenny on the ground. A few kids had pulled over chairs, but most had opted for the floor.

Bebe looked around. "Um, okay! Now that everybody's- wait, where are Stan and Kyle?"

Eric snorted. "Probably off having sex somewhere." Kenny elbowed him, laughing, as most of the other kids giggled. Wendy looked a little miffed. Huh.

Bebe sighed dramatically. "Well, if everybody that's gonna be here is here, then let's start. I'll spin the bottle, and whoever it lands on, I'll ask them truth or dare! Okay? Let's go." Not waiting for an objection, she set the bottle on the floor and twirled it easily. It spun for a moment before it landed on Scott, who frowned nervously. "Oh, Scott! Truth or dare?"

"U-uh," he stammered, his eyes wide. "Truth?"

A few kids booed, one even saying, "Aw, I'm Scott Malkinson, I pick truth, oh, I have diabetes."

"Shut up!"

"Hmm, truth? Okay." Bebe tapped her chin for a moment. "I think… ooh! What is the biggest lie you've ever told somebody?" She leaned forward in drunken excitement.

Scott frowned again. "Um, I don't know… I guess, uh, that I was thirty-seven." That gained him some confused looks and questions. "What?"

"What's the story behind that? " Craig muttered and took a sip of his foul drink.

"I'm not saying. That wasn't part of the question," Scott insisted. "I'm gonna spin the bottle now!"

The game went on for a while, most kids picking truth. Kenny was adventurous, picking dare, and ended up having to let Red style his hair into pigtails. Everything was remaining relatively tame so far, at least for a bunch of horny high schoolers. Eric was asked if he had ever slept with anyone, to which he truthfully answered yes. Butters was asked if he'd even broken the law, shamefully admitting that he had committed several war crimes in fourth grade, with the help of Eric's pirate group. Tweek was dared to drink straight hot sauce and ended up vomiting into a plant pot, much to the rest of the players' amusement.

"Craig! Truth or dare?" Sally Turner asked, grinning.

He gave her an unamused look, not having the slightest clue who she was. "Dare."

"Uh, kiss somebody that's not Tweek! In front of him!"

Kenny noticed the way Tweek's anxious tics started up immediately after she finished speaking. Tweek shot Craig a distressed look.

Craig looked between Tweek and Sally. "Uh, what's the penalty if I don't do the dare?" His voice seemed to be more nasally than it had just been.

Sally glanced at Wendy.

Wendy glanced at Bebe.

Bebe looked at Tolkien.

Tolkien looked confused.

Bebe sighed. "Um, let's see… You have to do a shot of whatever Tolkien's dad has in his study."

Tolkien groaned. "I'll go get it."

The kids watched him walk away and shut the back door. Once the coast was clear, Wendy passed some alcohol to Kenny and Eric. She cleared her throat, ashamed. "Sorry, guys. I didn't really think this through, I guess."

Kenny shrugged and tipped back the bottle of very strong beer he'd been passed. "Neither did we."

"But we never do," Eric added, smirking.

"Actually, you did," Kenny points out, turning to his friend. "What'd you go inside for?"

The gazes of all his classmates landed on Eric, making him fidget in his seat. "To use the restroom."

"Mhm, says the guy who bragged about how he had a plan for tonight." Kenny jabbed him in the side and laughed. His pigtails swayed with the movement. "C'mon, spill, fatass."

"I'm big boned. And you'll see, alright?" Eric grumbled, flipping off the rest of the class. He was, fortunately, saved by the bell, the bell being Tolkien coming back with his father's god-awful cotton candy vodka. Craig took a shot of it, wincing, and sat down next to his boyfriend, clutching his hand. Tweek looked satisfied with that.

The game continued. Clyde dared Nichole to make out with Heidi, and got a well-deserved whack on the back of the head from Bebe for that. Tolkien dared Kenny to text his most recent ex that he missed her. Wendy was asked if she and Tolkien had slept together, to which she took a shot. With every time the bottle spun, it seemed the questions and dares got more sexual, much to Bebe's excitement and Wendy's displeasure, though that's the way it always went.

Eric had to reveal his search history to Kenny, who cackled and screamed, " Stepsister ASMR NSFW F4M? Dude?!"

Scott was finally asked the story behind why he had to lie that he was thirty-seven, saying that, back in sophomore year, he did a job for Tweak Bros. and had to lie to some shady meth dealers that he was much older than he was. The meth heads, being totally doped out, believed him.

Red was dared to pick a random contact in her phone and sext them, then follow up with "oops, mb, wrong number." Her phone blew up for three minutes after the dare was completed.

And just as things seemed to be ramping up, a loud commotion started inside the house. Underclassmen ran outside, screaming and tumbling over each other. Eric grinned at first, but checked the time, and his face fell. It wasn't time yet for his plan to initiate, so what was happening?

Karen ran out and went to Kenny, yelling something about fighting and want to kill each other. Kenny looked at her in concern. "Karen? What's going on?"

Before she could answer, two familiar screaming voices grew louder, as though they were getting closer, and oh, they were. One voice was clearly angry, the other annoyed and slightly afraid.

Wendy sputtered. "Is that-"

The sliding glass door was pushed out of the way so hard Tolkien was sure he heard it crack. Two boys fell to the ground, shouting at each other as they tussled on the concrete ground.

The seniors remained silent, looking at the spectacle in horror, making Tolkien's next remark especially loud.

"I thought they weren't drunk," he deadpanned.

About ten minutes earlier, Kyle and Stan were back in the kitchen, drinking and talking to some juniors. Kyle had hit the point that he wouldn’t be remembering most of this night come morning, and Stan was just trying to keep Kyle from passing out.

“And then I heard Ike say, ‘I’d love to tame her-’” Bridon Gueermo started, quickly getting cut off by an elbow to the gut from another student. “Ow!”

Kyle turned slowly toward him, deadpan expression on his face. “What did he say?”

“Nothing!”

Stan laughed and patted Kyle on the shoulder. “Dude, chill out. Ike’s getting older.”

“Sure, but he’s still my little brother.”

He smiled affectionately at his angry friend. “Yeah, but he’s also a horny middle schooler.”

Kyle frowned and crossed his arms. He pouted there for a moment until another junior came up and began speaking to Stan. His drunken mind wandered, and he zoned out for a few minutes. He wouldn’t remember any of this tomorrow, and he knew that. So maybe that meant that he could do something stupid, and nobody else would remember it either.

Kyle scampered off while Stan wasn’t looking.

Stan laughed and clapped the junior on the back, turning away to say something to Kyle. His face dropped when he realized his friend wasn’t there. “Kyle?” He whipped his head back to the underclassmen around him. “Did- did any of you see Kyle leave?”

They all shared a confused look and shook their heads at him.

“Shit.” Without explaining, Stan ran out of the room.

While he and his friends were supposed to cause mayhem and wreck Tolkien’s house, Kyle was notorious for embarrassing himself whilst drunk and becoming inconsolably miserable for the next few days. It was a terrible habit. On multiple occasions, Kyle had drunkenly slept with random classmates, had fallen down the stairs of someone’s house and actually broken a banister, and gotten into fights with various inanimate objects, all of which had been recorded by someone or another, sometimes even by Kyle himself.

Needless to say, Stan knew that this, being one of the last parties of the year, would be something Sober Kyle would regret fucking up for several months.

Stan ran into the large living room and pushed several people out of the way, searching for Kyle. "Dude? Kyle? Where'd you go, man?" he shouted over the loud music. He went from room to room, scanning for that familiar green hat, and finding himself all the way in the upstairs hallway before he caught sight of it. "Kyle!"

When Stan finally got to where Kyle was, he realized his friend was badly playing an acoustic guitar and singing a Weezer song to a girl from out of town. He groaned inwardly and marched up to him, tapping him on the shoulder and wrenching the guitar out of Kyle's hands as soon as the redhead turned around. Stan grabbed his hand and pulled him away with an annoyed expression.

"Dude! Wha… whaddya… why…" Kyle slurred, stumbling.

"You're drunk. Let's go, dumbass." Stan ignored the shouts of indignation until they got louder and closer.

"You asshole! I was gonna… gonna hook up with her!" Kyle yelled.

"With Tolkien's cousin? You don't know her, and she isn't even from South Park," Stan grumbled as they went down the stairs and into the throws of the party, pushing people aside to get to the kitchen.

"That's the point. Why can't you let me do what I want to, Stan?"

Stan turned around and made eye contact with Kyle, who seemed to be having a strange moment of sobriety. He had an upset look on his face. "Dude-"

"No, Stan, you can't actually be serious. You got back together, what, fifteen times with Wendy? And you won't even let me hook up with a girl once. I don't get it. Why were you allowed to get with a girl in a clearly toxic relationship, but I'm not allowed to make out with a pretty girl?" He seemed genuinely angry.

Stan was surprised. "Kyle, I'm just saying, you don't know her. She could've given you HIV or something-"

" And? It's my choice!" The crowd in the kitchen was quiet by now, watching these two seniors argue. Kyle paid them no attention. "I don't care if you think that it's a bad idea, because it's my business! My life! My fucking choice! You get no right to dictate what or who I do!" He was screaming now.

Stan grit his teeth and gripped Kyle's collar. "I'm just trying to fucking look out for you. I care about you and I don't want you doing anything you'll regret in the morning. You always, always regret it in the morning!"

Kyle, back into his drunken state of mind, threw a punch.

In the morning, no one would remember who really brought the fight out of the kitchen. They all just remembered the angry screams and insults and blood splattering Tolkien's nice floors.

Presently, Kenny dashed forward and wrestling the bloody and bruised boys apart. Kyle was still yelling slurred words and had a small piece of glass, presumably from one of Tolkien's glass artworks, stuck in his arm. Stan had bruises all over his face and spat blood onto the concrete patio. Tolkien groaned audibly at the mess.

"Dude, what the fuck, you guys?" Kenny shouted, looking at Eric to grab Stan whilst he held back Kyle. He turned to look inside. The lights were on, and he could see broken glass all over the floor, displaced and strewn about cups, food scattered. A bit of pride washed through him before he shook it away. "You fucking idiots. What the hell are you fighting for?!"

Neither of the boys responded. They were glaring at each other and ignoring the blood slipping from their injuries.

Eric groaned and yelled for someone to get a first aid kit. A sophomore ran into the house with her friends and came back out almost immediately with a small red box. They passed it to Kenny.

Tolkien walked forward slowly. "If you don't mind me asking," he hissed through gritted teeth, "what the hell did you do that for? You're not supposed to be drunk."

Stan shot him a sheepish look. "Uh, somebody asked us to crash."

" Who? "

Crickets.

Wendy sighed. "Me."

Tolkien whipped around. "Wendy? You… why?"

"Let's… let's not talk about this in public." She held out her hand and smiled flatly when he grabbed it. They walked back into the house together.

The remaining partygoers watched them walk away.

Clyde whistled. "You guys did some damage."

Stan smiled awkwardly and turned to Kyle, who had an unreadable expression on his face.

"Let's get you idiots cleaned up, okay?-" Kenny was cut off by a loud scream and a strange gushing sound. All the lights shut off.

A few kids screamed and ran away, but the seniors stayed there, exchanging amused looks in the darkness.

"Which one of you did that? " Bebe snorted.

Eric raised his hand with a cheeky grin and didn't elaborate further, as usual.

Kyle shouted in pain as the bits of glass were ripped out of his skin. He bit down on the rag in his mouth hard and glanced at Heidi, who was gently dabbing rubbing alcohol on his bleeding wounds. He may still have been drunk, but not drunk enough for this.

Meanwhile, Kenny was grumbling about his idiocy. "You fucking dorks. What if he makes us pay for the damages?"

"He won't," Eric informed him, smirking. "He knows that if we have to pay, I'll tell everyone that he and Wendy have been cheating on each other for months."

Heidi looked up in surprise. "What?!"

"She didn't tell you?" Eric feigned innocence.

"Well, she told us Tolkien had-"

"And not that she had cheated too, I'm sure. Yeah, it's a total shitshow between them. Anyway, he wants to keep up appearances, and if I tell anybody, it'll find its way to his parents, so…" Eric grinned maliciously.

Heidi stared at him for a long minute, then smiled ruefully. "Sometimes, I wonder if you've changed at all, Cartman."

They exchanged a somewhat meaningful look, though it went over the head of hammered and injured kids in the room.

Kyle frowned behind the rag and avoided looking at Stan, who seemed to be hell-bent on achieving eye contact with him.

Stan sighed softly and looked at Kenny. He held a bag of frozen peas to his eye–how stereotypical–and itched at a band-aid on his face. "You think our parents are gonna notice?"

Kyle scoffed but didn't say anything.

Kenny shot him a look. "Uh, of course they are. You have a black eye, and Kyle has glass injuries all over him. How would they not notice?" He shook his head.

Eric stretched over Tolkien's couch, looking around the guest room. "Just say you got into a fight. It's true."

Kyle made a few noises and spat out the rag. "Thanks, Heidi."

She gave him a thumbs-up and looked around. "Can I leave now? I need to get home."

"Yeah, sorry," Eric grinned. "See ya, Heids."

She smiled in amusement and left the room.

And then there were four, as there seemingly always had been.

"Now," Kenny sighed, "do you mind explaining why you two were fighting?"

"Kyle started it."

"Shut up! You were-"

"Don't you-"

"Stop!" Eric shouted. He blinked at them, realizing he surprised them into silence. "Oh, uh. Ahem. Don't… Kenny?"

"Don't start playing the blame game, that's our job," Kenny supplied.

"Oh, yeah. See, you two aren't supposed to fight." Eric looked annoyed. "Me 'nd Kahl are supposed to fight."

"My name is not Kahl. "

"I think it is."

"It's not."

"Yeah, it is, Kahl. "

"Stop that."

Stan smiled. "I think Eric's right."

Kyle frowned at him, though a small smile pulled at the corners of his lips. "He's not."

"See? Even Stan agrees. I'm right."

Kenny grinned. "Honestly, Kahl …"

Kyle groaned and threw a pillow at Eric.

Within about twenty minutes, Eric and Kenny were passed out on the bed. Stan looked sidelong at Kyle from the opposite side of the couch.

Kyle glanced at him. "Hey, I’m sorry for starting that fight. I was… really drunk."

Stan smirked in amusement. "I'm sorry for not letting you hook up with that girl."

"Yeah, it was probably for the best."

They went quiet.

"Though," Kyle mumbled, finally, "why'd you, y'know, pull me away from her?"

"I…" Stan trailed off. "I just… hm. Can we talk about this when we're both sober?"

"I guess." Kyle smiled good-naturedly. "Night, then, dude."

"Yeah… yeah, goodnight."