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“So, you all did the training right?” Neo asked. “Four tells me that some of these fish aren’t in Inkopolis.”
The Captain gave a thumbs up. “They’re pretty straightforward.”
“The salmonids are clever, but they’re not strong,” Eight said
“Not til you get surrounded and smacked with frying pans,” Four said
Four was the most experienced with Salmon Run by far, they could probably do better than Neo, even considering that Four was unfamiliar with the local bosses. Being more familiar with it also meant that they hated it more than anyone else.
Neo was second. For a part-time job, it’s a really decent source of cash. However, he stopped for a few months after the Grizzco incident until he could confirm that it was just regular shadiness and not world-ending shadiness.
Eight isn’t quite experienced, but isn’t a total newbie either. She would sometimes do shifts with Four when they lived together. The local bosses probably wouldn’t be a problem, Eight would quickly find the most efficient way to get rid of them.
The Captain, for once, is the amateur. They’ve only done this once or twice, and that was with only the bosses found in Inkopolis. The only Grizzco there was far from their apartment, and didn’t appeal to the Captain anyways.
Soon, the helicopter stopped over Sockeye Station, and the team jumped down. They wasted no time covering the ground with ink in preparation.
“I got Rapid Blaster and Triple Inkstrike,” Four called out
“Splat Charger and Crab Tank for me,” Neo followed
“I have the Splattershot Pro and Reefslider,” Eight said
“Tetras and Wail,” the Captain finally said
“The egg basket is ready and waiting. Don’t let me down.”
The voice of Mr. Grizz let them know the salmonids were about to come. As anyone who has done a shift would notice, those lines are all prerecorded. It’s easy to figure that out after hearing the exact same thing multiple times per shift.
“You’ve got a Boss Salmonid incoming. DO YOUR JOB!”
All four of them were already by the basket waiting for the swarm, so they each saw the Stinger approaching not too far away. Captain and Four took it down in no time, while Eight and Neo stayed back to clear out the lesser salmonids. Captain and Four started swimming the eggs to the basket before Neo interrupted.
“Just throw them to Eight. You can do that with these suits.”
“Hey, Neo, you got a Maws sneaking up on you,” Four said, while swimming around the shoreline
“Got it.”
Neo waited until they saw the Maws’ hook above the ink, then quickly moved to the grate and threw a Splat Bomb, blowing up the Maws. Three more eggs for the basket. Just as things were going well, the Captain started getting hit by another Stinger. Seeing that, and also being caught in the beam for a second, Eight went to take it down. Unfortunately, she got overrun by all of the salmonids and got splatted into her life preserver. Four, who was already making their way over there, saw it happen and started clearing away the salmonids.
“I’m in here,” Eight called out from the life preserver
“Gimme a sec, Eight,” Four replied
Four eventually made it through and saved Eight. The two finished taking down the Stinger and brought the eggs to the basket. Soon after, the Captain made a call.
“Uh, cannon?”
“Cannon? Oh, a Big Shot,” Neo said, taking a few shots towards it
As one went down, another one came. And another. Neo was driven from the perch he’s been on the whole time, and went down closer to the shore. Just as they took down the last Big Shot, the Captain was overrun by salmonids. Since Neo was already aimed over there, the Captain was quickly saved.
“Looks like we’re good on eggs,” Four called out from the basket. “Me and Eight just got a Scrapper over here.”
“We can wait until the salmonids leave, or bring more eggs,” Eight said
“More,” Captain replied, getting everyone fired up
The team spread out to catch the bosses as fast as possible. The Captain stayed closest to the basket. Four went farthest. Eight was between the perch and shore. Neo stayed on top of the perch. With a few more bosses taken down, they finished the wave with 25 golden eggs.
“Looks like it’s starting to calm down now,” Neo commented. “No more bosses, and most of them are starting to retreat.”
“We're doing well,” Eight said. “What should we—”
“Come to papa, little eggs… Adequate job so far. NOW BRING ME MORE!”
Annoyed, Eight continued. “What should we do while we wait for them to return?”
“Re-ink the ground,” Four answered. “Besides that, there’s nothing to do out here.”
They all super jumped back to the basket and returned their weapons. It took a few minutes until they were delivered back, now swapped between them.
“Cool, I got Tetras,” Four said
“I have a Rapid Blaster,” Neo followed
“I have the Splat Charger,” Eight said
“Splat Pro,” the Captain said
Neo noticed the tide starting to recede. It’ll be a few minutes until it’s low enough for any of them to go over there. Four was already getting bored. They started swimming around the station, waiting for the salmonids to show up. Eight was at the highest point, getting a sense of the blind spots for the charger. The Captain was right next to Eight, the two of them keeping each other company. About fifteen minutes later, the tide was low enough for the team to safely walk over.
“Hey!” Neo called from the now above-water section. “They’re gonna come from over here!”
The other three swam over there and helped ink the ground. They didn’t make much progress before Eight realized it was getting darker, quickly.
“It is not night time yet…” Eight said. “And the egg basket is covered.”
“Oh, yeah, it gets stormy here sometimes,” Neo said. “Same with the basket. We gotta use the other one when that happens.”
“A giant tornado! Salmonids that gets sucked up will fall around the shore.”
“Oh, and it looks like the egg basket by the sea is blocked too. Great…”
If Mr. Grizz is talking, that must mean the salmonids are coming… Right? Nope, it looks all clear. Except for that huge crate of golden eggs by the shore.
“Eggs!” Four shouted, pointing to the crate.
Neo has only seen this a few times. Apparently the tornado and low tide makes the salmonids leave behind a ton of golden eggs in a rush to get to calmer water. He was the first to start shooting the crate, the rest followed along. In no time at all, they broke the crate open and each took an egg. Soon after, Mr. Grizz’s voice came in.
“It’s a long way to the egg basket. Fine! I’ll count each Golden Egg as 2. Good thing I do my own accounting…”
Just how many of those lines are recorded? Realizing the inefficiency of taking the eggs four at a time, the Captain threw their egg.
“Stay at the pile,” they said to the others. “Throw to me.”
“Smart,” Four said, going back to the broken crate
Before she could make it back to the golden eggs, Eight screamed in shock. Three cohocks had fallen from the sky and surrounded them. They were warned, after all.
The Captain and Neo took them down, then quickly saved Eight from the life preserver. Realizing that Eight had the longest range weapon, the Captain switched places with her. The rest of the wave went by very smoothly, they barely had to move at all since they could just throw the eggs to each other. In no time at all, they finished taking back all of the eggs from the crate.
“What was that, fifteen? Sixteen? Don’t we need like, twenty something?” Four asked, sounding a bit worried
“Grizz said each egg counts as two cause of the basket,” Neo assured them. “Technically this is bet—”
“Come to papa, little eggs… Adequate job so far. NOW BRING ME MORE!”
“… it’s better than last time.”
The team returned their weapons yet again. With the tornado going away, the tide was quick to come back up. In fact, it came up much farther than before. They waited and waited for the final wave to start.
“I have the Splat Pro,” Neo said
“Splat Charger,” Four said
“I have the Tetra Dualies,” Eight said
“Blaster,” the Captain said
The next wave was really taking a long time. There was nothing to do but wait, and the high tide was making the them anxious. They sat around quietly until Four suddenly jumped up and swam up the perch.
“Glowflies! Get up here now!”
Neo followed up without any question. Eight and the Captain came next, not quite sure what the panic was for. Within a minute, there was a huge swarm of glowflies. And it came with a huge swarm of salmonids.
“Glowflies. That explains why the salmonids are restless. If you start glowing… well, good luck.”
“Captain, they’re on you,” Four said. “Um, just don’t get splatted.”
The Captain nodded, aiming their Rapid Blaster at the slope of the perch. The entire team started firing as soon as the salmonids were in sight. They moved much faster and came out of the sea at a seemingly impossible rate. The only upside is that they ignored the other three, being laser focused on the Captain, or rather the glowflies surrounding them. Eventually, the goldie showed up. Four sniped it before it got too far, but didn’t get the eggs yet. Soon, the glowflies moved over to swarm Eight.
“Just keep shooting,” Neo said
Once the flies moved, Four went down to take the eggs to the basket. While down there, a second goldie appeared, and Four took that one out, too. Unfortunately, the salmonids overran the perch and splatted Eight. The flies moved to their next victim: Four. Being alone down there with only a charger meant they only lasted a few seconds. Seeing the emergency, Neo activated their Crab Tank to hold back the salmonids now swarming them.
“Captain… save me...” Four called out from their life preserver
The Captain held out a hand, telling Four to wait. Not long after, Eight saved them. Neo’s Crab Tank managed to take out two more goldies, giving the team plenty of eggs. Four swam back up and started launching them to the basket. Only a few more to reach the quota. Feeling overwhelmed, the Captain used a Killer Wail, but must have forgotten that it was the 5.1, the Splatlands version. More useful than nothing, though.
“Do we have enough golden eggs?” Eight asked
“Don’t know,” Neo answered, too focused on not being splatted
“No,” Four actually answered. “Just a few more.”
After being swarmed again, Eight used a Reefslider off the perch. It took down a ton of salmonids, including another goldie, and led her away from the others for a minute. But that also meant getting cornered. Lucky for Eight, the glowflies moved to Neo at the last second. Once Eight took the last few golden eggs to the basket, it was just a matter of defending. Not being the most skilled with a charger, Four decided to help out with a Triple Inkstrike on the slope. That after the Reefslider really gave them all a moment to breathe. And not a second too soon, either, the glowflies finally started to go away, taking the salmonids with them.
“Are they gone?” Four asked
“I think they are,” Eight answered
“They’re gone,” Neo confirmed
“I am never working here again,” Four groaned, for probably the thousandth time
With their shift over, they returned to the helicopter back to Splatsville. Back at Grizzco, they waited in line with other people returning from a shift.
“So, Captain, what did you think?” Neo asked. “Fun? Terrible? Both?”
The Captain thought for a second. “At least half of the equipment is illegal. Fun.”
“Oh, if only you saw the special Blaster.”
When it was finally their turn to collect their payment, the reward was… hats? For each of them, an iridescent hat with a sticker on the brim. Eight put it on immediately, and the others followed along. They planned to wear it to the next Splatoon meeting, and would discover the only way to make Callie and Marie wish they did a shift at Grizzco. Not for the hat itself—it’s kind of an eyesore—but for the surprisingly good gear abilities attached to it.