Chapter Text
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Leo is no longer allowed to use the oven unsupervised
----Mikey you can't ban me from the kitchen
----You tell that to the STEEL PAN YOU MELTED
----How the shell did you manage that?
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Leo is no longer allowed to use the oven full stop, and Raph is not allowed to supervise
----Why not?!
----Raphael you told him to put the cookies on 4,000° for 1 second. Leo's an idiot of course he'd believe that
----... That's not how that works?
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Mikey is banned from throwing stones into Caseys mouth when he's eating as a "lesson to stop him from chewing with his mouth open."
----This also includes: Garbage, firecrackers, bits of mud, sticks, bones, bits of food and any other small projectile
----You guys suck
----This list now also includes large projectiles, including but not limited to nunchucks, kunai, throwing stars and Raphael.
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Raphael is not allowed to hold Mikeys head under the water and call it training.
----We're Turtles we ain't gonna die
----Raphael.
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Uranium is banned from the lair.
----:(
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Donatello is banned from feeding Michaelangelo radioactive gunk in order to "See what happens."
----But sensei... Its a fair experiment. How else will we find out what it does?
----Without testing it on your brother.
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Donnatello cannot test radioactive gunk on ANY of his brothers
----Or Casey
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Raphael is not allowed to wave mistletoe above Casey and April's heads at Christmas.
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Raphael is not allowed to wave mistletoe above Casey and April's heads at ANY TIME.
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Raphael is not allowed to wave mistletoe above me and Usagi-San, either.
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The above three rules also apply to Michaelangelo. Where are you even getting all this mistletoe from?!
----:)
----Donatello.
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Leo is not allowed to try to throw any of his brothers off a building.
----Deserved though
----Rude.
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Michaelangelo is not allowed to try to feed Casey garlic bread, no matter how much he says he's "Missing out."
----But he IS missing out
----He's got a deadly allergy
----Pussy shit
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Michaelangelo is not allowed to swear.
----You and Raphy swear all the time
----False.
----Hypocrite lmao
----False.
----LEo
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NO ONE'S ALLOWED TO CALL ME FUCKING RAPHY
----Okay. Raphie.
----I AM GOING TO STRANGLE YOU WITH YOUR OWN NUNCHUCKS.
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Raphael is not allowed to try and strangle Mikey with his Nunchaku.
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Raphael and Casey are not allowed to sneak out at 3am to fight people.
----3.01am
----Any time after midnight.
----11.59pm
----I hate you.
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Raph is allowed to leave whenever he wants and Leo can't control Casey cause he's like 30 or somethin
----Raph is not allowed to leave when he wants, and Leo can tell April to control Casey.
----I'm not 30!
----You're basically 30 old ass
----April's older than me are u calling her old?
----April is delightfully youthful. Unlike you.
----Thank you boys.
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Rule 18 does not count.
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NEVER CALL APRIL OLD.
----^^
----^^
----^^
----^^
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Michaelangelo is no longer allowed to ask me to make his nunchucks automated so they spin "As fast as physically possible."
----Edit- he is also not allowed to ask me to make a flesh eating bacteria he can spray out of his nunchucks.
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Michaelangelo is no longer allowed to commit aggrivated assault
----Why tho
----FOR ANY REASON.
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I reiterate rule 22. Not even for a game.
----What about the foot tho :(
----Self defence is allowed.
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"Looking at you funny" is not something worthy of a "self defence grenade".
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Donatello is no longer allowed to make Mikey grenades.
----It was only concussive
----Why ain't I getting grenades what the fuck
----STOP MAKING GRENADES
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Raphael better fucking stop using my katanas to cut pizza
----They're sharp tho
----IT'S UNSANTIARY??? THEY HAD BLOOD ON THEM YESTERDAY??? And they're my katanas!
----Yeah but I can't cut pizza with sais
----why are you cutting pizza with our weapons we own pizza cutters
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Raphie is no longer allowed to cause Leo enough stress that he forgets capitalisation. It's freaky
----I AM GOING TO TURN YOU INTO SUPPON NABE
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Suppon Nabe is no longer allowed to be used as a threat.
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Or as an insult.
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Mikey is no longer allowed to steal my bo staff and use it to pretend to be Sun Wukong
----:(
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Mikey better fucking stop dropping Klunk on my head and making cat puns.
----Awwwww does Raphie need a cat-nap?
----Your words fill me with an ungodly rage.
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RAPHAEL CAN NO LONGER TIE ME TO THE BACK OF HIS BIKE AND DRIVE ME AROUND NYC PLEASE
----He did fucking what?!
----Lol
----That's so bad for the engine, it's not supposed to deal with the extra resistance of that.
----WHY ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT THE ENGINE AND NOT YOUR DARLING LITTLE BROTHER?!
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Donny is banned from making any interdimensional fucky bullshit things
----"EvEn GeNiUsEs FaLL dOwN sOmEtiMeS"
----"TURTLE POWER!!"
----I'm going to shove your weapons SO FAR up your asses
----Ew gross
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Michaelangelo is no longer allowed to show Leo ANY fanfiction because I do not want to be faced with my older brother asking me "What's vore?" EVER AGAIN.
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Michaelangelo is also not allowed to show Usagi fanfiction when he visits either
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Michaelangelo is not allowed to scream "disco attack!" and tackle Usagi-San to the ground with handfuls of glitter. It doesn't come out of his fur.
----Awwww protecting ur furry boyfriend
----He is not my boyfriend, and I don't know why you felt the need to point out that he's furry, we know this, he's a rabbit.
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Mikey is not allowed to bring up "Furry" in THAT context about Leo or Usagi around either of them because they WILL end up asking me about it and I am NOT answering that.
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Rule 37 don't count
----Why
----Funny lol
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Casey Jones is banned from visiting the lair
----You gonna giv a reason
----No
----Fairs tbh
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Casey Jones is allowed back in the lair
----Why
----BRO
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Michaelangelo, Donatello and Leonardo are banned from calling Raphael and Casey's friendship a "bromance". It makes them upset.
----I don't get upset evr
----Me neither
----🤜
----🤛
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Michaelangelo and Raphael are banned from calling the sword Usagi gave to Leo "The Gay Sword" behind his back
----They call it what??
----Lmaoooo
----You think that's gunna stop me lol
----Is there a lie????
----Literally nowhere
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Everyone should stop bringing up the time Leo nearly joined the Foot.
----...
----"Shredder sempaiiiiii"
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Leo is no longer allowed to threaten to shove Raphael's head in the oven.
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LEO IS NO LONGER ALLOWED TO ACTUALLY SHOVE RAPHS HEAD IN THE OVEN WHAT THE SHELL
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Michaelangelo should refrain from calling Raphael "Crispy fried turtle".
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Grievous bodily harm to random civilians is still not allowed. This applies to everyone but mostly Mikey and Raph.
----And you sticking my head in a fucking oven isn't gbh????
----You're my brother, you don't count.
----??????????????????
----Why pacifist when genocide
----Stop.
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Master Splinter must stop asking for grandchildren. Immediately.
----If he asks again I will personally go out and kill every single child I can find so he has no hope of getting one
----You adopt like every stray child you see, you might as well just tell him they're yours so he shuts the fuck up
----Oh shit a donny swear!
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Mikey has to stop hacking into my computer
----Don't make it so easy to get into then
----It has six layers of security, and everything is encoded using DonnyCipher® which not even the most advanced botnets can crack!
----Skill issue
----I'm setting up a camera to see what you do.
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MIKEY IS NO LONGER ALLOWED TO HACK INTO MY COMPUTER BY KEYBOARD SMASHING????????
----L +ratio