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approaching zoras domain which was now covered in shit and mud, link could sense something was amiss, for the air had a strong tinge of bitch energy floating through it. following the pungent odor link walked up to an unfamiliar statue that was covered in garbage. hosing it off with his magic fireman arm it revealed a statue of link riding on the back of sidon from that fateful day.
behind him, link sensed the bitch energy raidiating behind him. behind him stood a green bitch who said “hello link i am sorry about the ugly ass statue, we’re having it removed for the wedding.”
link screamed internally and drew his big claymore that was fused with a giant spiked ball
the green fishy bitch stood smiling pleasantly as link knew what this meant. she was the enemy who had stolen his mans.
swinging wildly link destroyed the fish lady, first swinging several weapons at her to get her onto the ground clawing away from his terror as she screamed for help and bragged about how she was going to tear the kingdom. link grabbed at her ankles and drop kicked her up the side of a mountain until they were at the summit.
there was fish blood everywhere as she laughed about how sidon would save her before she could be killed. link smiled as her continued to kick her until she realized nobody would save her because she was actually just a plot device to get the rabid horny fanbase to stop simping so much for every giant buff male character they introduced. but little did the nintendo gods realize the true power of himbo loving fans, for they have pens and headcanons, and will mod out the fact that she exists for some reason.
he tore at her fish hair and threw her off a fish bridge into the water below while she was tied to a rock. but since she was a fish she could just stay there until she died breathing mud and shit water.
it had turned out that she was actually super evil the whole time and was actually in an arranged marriage with sidon that her family had orchestrated to take over the world or something.
the statue was saved and so was links incredibly gay relationship with a muscle shark
sidon thanked link for once again saving hyrule and the power of their gayness destroyed ganondorf for all of time with a big gay laser that exploded him into a pile of red and purple confetti. together they lived happily ever after under the eternal protection of their new god chuck knoll who promised to never again queerbait for the rest of time
the end