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nights like this one were hardly new for al-haitham; the silver light of the moon shining in strips through the covered windows, the slight breeze that crept in through the thin cracks in the doors, and the cacophony of summer bugs were all things he'd been familiar with since he was a child.
the only outlier in this well-known environment was the faint stream of sound coming from the bedroom down the hallway; kaveh's room, but even that al-haitham had grown accustomed to. he'd asked kaveh one morning what the noises were, kaveh had replied that he was mumbling to himself while working on a new commission, and although that was clearly a lie, haitham decided not to press any further lest he set the architect on a path of rage and tangents about how it isn't haitham's concern or his business (even though it technically was, considering he owned the house).
tonight, however, the sounds were just a hint too loud for haitham to be able to ignore, and so he opted to pad along the hallway as silently as he could to make out the nature of source. as he got closer to kaveh's room, he thought he could make out… were those sniffles? and then a hiccup?
pursing his lips and leaning just slightly closer to the wall, al-haitham listened; and sure enough, the tell-tale watery sniff of a crying man reached his ears. and then—
"i'm sorry, 'm so sorry… it's all my fault… should've known better," kaveh mumbles through his cries.
haitham's breath caught in his throat at the words, and he was overcome with a kind of concern he hardly ever felt towards others; the kind that racks one's entire body, filling their chest and the pit of their stomach with nausea and causing a light-headedness that nearly made him lose balance.
"kaveh?" he called out, and the softness of his voice surprised him. he knocked on the door a couple of times. "kaveh, can you hear me?"
he heard a groan of distress, then the rustling of sheets like kaveh was thrashing in his bed, but no further response.
"i'm coming in, okay?" al-haitham warned before turning the knob and nudging the door open.
immediately his focus drifted towards his roommate, whose eyes seemed to be screwed shut but were still leaking tears that fell onto the cotton pillows his head laid on.
"haiy… haitham, 'm so sorry ," he spoke again, voice hushed and trembling in a way al-haitham hadn't heard since they were students, when kaveh had cried over an assignment that reminded him of his father's time at the akademiya.
as gently as he could manage, haitham shook the blond's shoulders to get him to waken, but the action just caused kaveh to close in on himself even more.
haitham's lips twitched, turning downwards into a whisp of a frown as he studied his roommate's condition.
"kaveh," he said again, more firmly, "i'm here, kaveh, it's haitham. i'm right here, i need you to wake up for me, please."
abruptly, kaveh's crimson eyes shot open and he sobbed out, loudly this time, clearly disoriented as he sat up hastily and blinked rapidly at his surroundings. when his gaze finally landed upon haitham, he gasped; but it was a sad, shattered sound that nearly broke the scribe's heart along with it.
"haitham, what are you— we were just— you—" kaveh spluttered, and it was all haitham could do to sit beside him and rest his hands on the blond's forearms in an attempt to ground him.
"it was a nightmare, kaveh," he explained flatly, hoping his usual tone of voice would ground the architect and bring him back to reality. "nothing happened, i'm still here and everything is the way it normally is."
kaveh gripped haitham's arms tightly in response, sighing and nodding meekly; a confirmation that he'd registered the other's presence and his words.
"i'm… sorry, i didn't mean to disturb you."
"you didn't," al-haitham replied easily. "and don't apologize. you do that a lot, i've noticed, especially when you've done nothing wrong."
"i—" kaveh started, but it seemed he'd caught himself in the middle of another baseless apology, and haitham huffed with half-amusement and half-worry. "i was just… i dreamt that you met the same fate as my father, and—"
"kaveh, i can feel you shaking. you don't have to talk about this if you don't want to."
"but don't i have to?" kaveh asked, voice unsteady with confusion and something akin to heartbreak but not quite—al-haitham wasn't familiar enough with such feelings to identify it. "i keep having these dreams, haitham, and they're too— too vivid to not mean anything. i know you're going to disagree, because it's not rational or logical, but i really do think i'm meant to doom everyone i care about— i never should have taken advantage of your generosity, i—"
"kaveh, kaveh, stop, " al-haitham said with a sigh. "is that really what you think of our arrangement? that you're taking advantage of me?"
"well—"
"rhetorical question." haitham had to admit he did feel a little guilt for cutting the other off so much. "you should know better than most that if i saw anything or anyone as a waste of time and space, i wouldn't bother with them. i'm not the type one can just 'take advantage' of. and the way things are between us—i extended an offer that would satisfy problems both of us were having, and you accepted. we're on even ground, here."
"how can you say that?" kaveh asked, genuine incredulity embedded in his words. "if anything all i've done is added to your list of problems. all i do is take from you, i hardly have anything to give—"
"has it never occurred to you that your presence here has given me more than enough? that you have given me more than enough, just by choosing to stay?" haitham blurted, and his own questions shocked him. although he had never been the kind to pointedly keep his thoughts secret, such emotional honesty was not something he was used to, and the words felt foreign, almost, when they left his mouth.
kaveh seemed just as taken aback, if not more, by the scribe's inquiry. "i'm— what exactly are you trying to say?"
"i…" haitham trailed off, and they both sat in stunned silence for a moment at the realization that, for once, the man whose job was to be skilled with words failed to find the correct ones.
"i know it is easy for you to fall into a spiral of guilt, when you are treated with altruistic kindness. i figured that if i presented the condition of paying rent and doing chores, you would view my offer to stay here as more of a transactional request than a… personally driven one. it wouldn't cause that spiral. but seeing as even that has failed, it seems i have no choice except for admitting that your company is all i ever wanted—all i ever needed from you, here."
kaveh blinked at him, almost owlishly, eyebrows knit together in bewilderment. "haitham…"
"celestia knows that the only time i am not good with words is when it comes to putting my feelings into a verbal form, but kaveh… i'm just really glad you're here."
"you—" kaveh stopped himself short, voice trembling again as his tears resumed their journey down his sun-kissed skin. "what the hell, al-haitham."
genuinely confused, al-haitham blinked back at the blond. "what—"
"what was that , you can't just say that! i don't think you— i don't think anyone's ever said anything like that to me before." and his body was shaking once more as the crystalline drops rolled down freckled skin. he shook his head and wiped furiously at his eyes, to no avail, breaths coming out as ragged gasps until haitham took his face into his hands almost gingerly and those gasps slowed into steadier, softer intakes of air.
"it was just the truth," haitham stated as he used his thumbs to clear the tears from the blond's face. "a different kind of truth than i am used to telling, but still true nonetheless."
"but—"
"i know it's not logical," the scribe said, effectively quieting kaveh and causing them both to chuckle slightly. "you might forget it sometimes, but i'm also only human. i can't chalk everything i do up to being the most rational choice in a given scenario."
"oh, i know all of that, trust me," kaveh replied with a slight upturn of his lips, a small sniffle. "i hardly doubt it's logic that causes you to take my keys and lock me out, or buy decor that you know i'll hate."
the quip elicited a genuine laugh from haitham, who could only respond, "the logic there is that i think it's fun to mess with you sometimes."
"oh, you—!" kaveh scoffed and hit al-haitham lightly, the latter only laughing once more as he wiped the last of the wetness from his roommate's face but chose to let his hands linger for just an extra moment. "you were being so sweet for a minute there that i almost forgot who i was talking to."
"that's entirely on you," haitham replied with a teasing lilt to his voice. his eyes shifted to the small clock on kaveh's nightstand for a minute, then back to the carmine shimmer of other's gaze. "now, how about you try to get back to sleep? you've got quite the busy day ahead of you, if i recall correctly."
kaveh sighed and shook his head. "i don't know if i can…"
al-haitham paused to think for a moment, before asking, "what if i stay?"
"hmm?" kaveh hummed inquisitively.
"what if i just stay with you in here until you fall asleep? maybe it will be easier if you're with someone familiar."
the architect worried his bottom lip as he pondered the offer, and nodded after a moment. "okay… but… what if you stay, even after i fall asleep?"
"trying to bed me, o light of kshahrewar?" haitham teased. "at least take me to dinner first."
"or you can just leave, actually, i'm sure i'll be fine," kaveh deadpanned with narrowed eyes. before he could turn away stubbornly and burrow himself into the sheets, al-haitham grabbed his arm with a soft chuckle.
"sorry, sorry. i will gladly stay the night with you," he said in apology.
"fine, okay, whatever." kaveh huffed, clearly trying to appear annoyed, but his small smile did not go unnoticed by the scribe.
if kaveh felt haitham's lips press gently against the top of his head once the both of them had settled under the soft sheets, he said nothing of it, merely breathing out a content sigh as he let a more peaceful sleep overtake him.