Chapter Text
The warm night had brought many thoughts to him.
Last week, he was running from place to place in Liverpool. Giving many interviews, posing for too many photos and laughing until it hurt his stomach. He was happy, but also really tired. He could say that it was the best week of his life, and if someone asked him, he would say that of course, but it was also the most tiring week of his life.
But that was last week, and now he is sitting on his small balcony in the middle of the night. A pack of cigarettes and a cup of coffee laying next to him. It isn't ideal to smoke and drink caffeine at 2.00 o'clock at night, and he knows that. Bojan knows that he smells more cigarettes than his favourite expensive perfume, he knows that an overdose of caffeine isn't going to hide his dark under-eye circles and he knows that crying his eys out isn't gonna help, he knows all that too well. But for the past nights sleeping properly became rare and burning his money on non-healthy coping mechanisms felt almost an requirement to survive this spring.
He just can't with the fact that he isn't spending all his freetime with the funny Finnish guy. He knows that Jere is only a one call away, but that doesn't feel the same as having him close. And without even mentioning that Bojan left him without saying how he truly feels about them. He just hugged Jere tight, promising that they would meet at the summer, since they are best friends. That's the problem, they are best friends, not lovers like Bojans heart wants.
He was plaming himself for falling too quickly. But it was hard, Jere just had eyes that melt Bojan's heart and a laugh that made him laugh too. It was supposed to be a joke, but those jokes started making Bojan's heart flutter more and more. It was hard to act all natural when the finn next to him called him 'his boyfriend' and how some dumb interviewer asked him about adopting a baby seal with Käärijä. Yes the seal thing was funny, but for the fuck sake, he was so down bad that he wanted that baby seal with Jere. Hell, while walking back at the hotel he even imagined what life would be with Jere and a seal. It had gone that bad. Every thought was just Jere.
Everyone close to him knew, he didn't want to say it outloud, but escpesially his badmates quickly picked up what was going on their singer's little head. Sometimes it was quite annoying, but often it was comforting. Knowing that he didn't need to say a word that his band new that he was feeling blue.
He started crying again. It had became a problem to him, he just could't keep his tears from his cheecks after they had arrived back to Slovenia. He is letting the tears fall, looking up to the sky thinking how he's ever gonna get through this stage. He slowly takes a cigarette from the pack, dragging it to between his lips and lighting it inhaling the poison for his lungs. He shouldn't be doing this, they have a practice later, but he can't care less. Everything just hurts.
Maybe he should call him.