Chapter Text
2023
"Your mother wanted you to have this when you were old enough and considering where you're going I think it's time." Bill goes over to a wooden box sitting on the mantelpiece, it's covered with dust and has a lock on it. He pulls a small key out of his pocket and places the box on the dining room table.
Ellie is not sure what to think, she had thought that everything of her mothers had already been given to her. She comes forward and takes a seat at the table. Joel stays standing in the doorway watching the scene unfold. Bill unlocks the box and reaches inside to pull out a pocket knife. It's on the larger side with a dark brown wooden handle and gold accents. He hands it to Ellie and closes the box after grabbing a worn-looking paper from inside. Ellie weighs the knife in her hand and then pops the blade open. She can see there is something on it so she holds it up above her head a little so it's in the light. Three dancing horses run across the blade.
A gasp sounds from behind her and Ellie turns to see Joel staring at the knife in her hands. Joel looks at Bill and Frank and says "Where did you get that?" He moves forward and takes the blade from her. Ellie huffs but Joel turns the blade to show a small engraving on the other side near the very base of the blade of the initials RM.
"This is my Father's pocket knife, Richard Miller. My mother gave it to me when he passed. I thought I had lost it years ok. How did you guys come across it?" Bill and Frank look with shock and surprise at Joel and Ellie and the piece of paper in Bill's hand.
"Ellie's mother gave this to me just before she died. She wanted Ellie to have it when she was old enough to make the choice." Bill says.
Ellie looks at Joel with the knife in his hand and then to Bill with the paper in his. "What choice?"
"The choice to find out who your father was. She said that this knife was his and she gave me this piece of paper with his name on it so you could have it if you wanted it." Joel makes a noise like the air has been knocked right out of his lungs.
"She asked me not to look and I promised her I wouldn't and I haven't, it's for you." Bill reaches his hand out and hands the paper to Ellie. Her hands are shaking as she opens it and places it face up on the table. In small but neat handwriting is written "Joel Miller". Ellie, Frank, and Bill all turn their heads to look at Joel.
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Joel steps back, his eyes have turned dark and his hands come out in front of him, the knife still in his hand. "No.. that can't.. it's not possible." He looks down at the paper and then up into Ellie's face. His eyes take in her brown eyes and her curly brown hair. "No." He steps back again shaking his head. But the more he looks at her the more he can see himself.
"What was her name?" Joel grates out between his teeth. Ellie looks down and says in a small voice "Anna Williams. Before she died she told my dad's that she worked at the welcome center in the Boston QZ."
Joel closes his eyes and tries to think back. Ellie's 14 years old so she would have been born in 2009. He knows her birthday was in the spring so that would mean she would have been conceived in the fall of 2008. Where was he in the fall of 2008? He, Tommy, and Tess had just made their way up from Texas and were settling into the Boston QZ that summer before.
Joel remembers a sweet-faced woman with blue eyes and auburn hair. He remembered the day they had come through the welcome center and it was her job to get them cleared medically and find out their info so she could get them settled into the best place to assist the QZ.
He and his brother had been told to strip down to their boxers so they could be inspected. Back then the scanners were not always perfect so they did a visual inspection just in case. Joel had made some offhand joke to try to cut the uncomfortable nature of the situation and he remembered the women's laugh being full-throated and real. It had been a while since Joel had heard anyone laugh like that.
After everything was all said and done Joel had taken a chance and asked her for her name. She gave him a fierce smile and said "It's Anna." And then she handed him a piece of paper, it had her address on it.
"Shit. Shit" Joel opens his eyes and looks at Ellie again. The shape of her face and her nose are hers.
He and Anna had spent a few months together, it hadn't been anything serious, just something for both of them to let off some steam. He remembers one night in particular, he was going out on a smuggling run the next morning and they had fucked against the counter in her bathroom after showering. After they finished they sat naked in her living room and got drunk. Then they started talking and somehow they had gotten on the topic of kids. He can't remember it all but he remembers her saying she never wanted kids and he had agreed with her.
It came back to him in a rush. He had talked about Sarah. Anna had looked at him with soft eyes and touched his face where the tears had tracked down his cheeks. She'd kissed him and said soft sweet things. He remembers the kisses becoming more and then he had laid her down on her couch and he had made love to her. He hadn't pulled out, he always pulled out. He had apologized but she had said she had some pills that would take care of it so he didn't need to worry. She had soothed him and they had fallen asleep there.
He remembered waking in the early morning light and leaving her there naked, beautiful, and asleep. He had left her apartment and then the QZ for his run. When he came back a few weeks later she had been transferred out of the welcome center and out of her apartment. He had not been able to find her again and being the asshole he was at that point he had just written her off and gone about his life.
This is what he had done. He had left her pregnant with his child and after the conversation they had of course she had chosen not to tell him. He may be many things but he would not have abandoned Ellie if he had known.
"I have a picture of her, Dad painted it." Ellie jumps up and runs off and up the stairs. He watches her go and then listens to the sound of her feet as she pounds around upstairs. She stops for a moment then he hears her as she comes flying down the stairs again. She appears in the room with a medium-sized painting held tight to her chest.
"This is her." She flips the painting around and places it in Joel's outstretched hands. At some point he had put the knife down on the table he doesn't remember when. Joel looks down and his breath leaves his body in one giant groan. It's Anna. Her eyes, her nose, her lips, her hair, her face, even the expression, it's her.
"I didn't know. Ya gotta understand, I didn't know. I would have been there." He looks up at Ellie, her eyes are wide and lost.