Work Text:
Max was sitting in the background, as she always was nowadays, just watching. Observing her friends as they laughed together, the way Mike looked at El and the way she looked back at him.
El caught her eye for a second, and Max quickly looked away, embarrassed. El didn’t seem to mind, though, and resumed laughing at a joke Mike was telling, leaning over to give him a peck on the cheek.
Max tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, and fiddled with the walkman in her lap. She probably didn’t need it anymore, but it made her feel better just to have it there with her while knowing Vecna was still out there.
“Guys. Guys!” Dustin shouted over the music and chatter. He stood up, clapping his hands together.
“Guys.”
“Jesus, Dustin, what?” Lucas groaned.
“Ding ding ding!” He mimicked dinging a glass with a spoon. “I’d like to propose a toast.”
Mike slung his arm around El’s shoulder, and she giggled. Her hair was short, a curly pixie cut that she’d been growing out after her time back in the lab.
“With what?” Will asked from the armchair across from the sofa. He was sitting alone, like Max, gazing distantly at Mike. “Don’t we need… drinks?”
“Oh shit! I almost forgot,” Mike stood up abruptly, staggering over to the mini fridge, long legs tripping over the piles of boxes littering the floor.
“Obviously it’s not a toast without drinks!” Dustin said smiling, his braces on full display.
“Can you sit down?” That was Lucas, annoyed as always.
Mike rummaged in the mini fridge for a moment before emerging from the back, holding a six pack of beers.
“Damn Mike, where’d you score those?” Max asked, eyebrows raised.
“Doesn’t matter,” Dustin interrupted, waving her question aside. “Everyone, gather around the table. Come on, come on, let’s go!”
Lucas sighed and slid off the sofa, making his way to the D&D table in the center of the room. Max joined him, distancing herself slightly. It hadn’t been long since they had broken up. Like Max had told him, it wasn’t him.
She just… needed to work through some stuff first. Lucas was considerate and took the news well, but he was also hurt, understandably.
El sat to Max’s left, scootching her chair up next to her. Mike slid in next to her, setting the pack of beers on the table with a clunk. Will and Dustin were the last to be seated, Will taking the head of the table and Dustin plopping himself down next to Lucas.
“So we’re doing a toast?” Will asked apprehensively.
“A toast to what?” Lucas joined in.
Mike ripped the cardboard open and began to distribute the cans. El took hers cautiously, inspecting the label.
Max couldn’t stop herself from looking at her.
Dustin stood up again, cracking open his can which opened with a hiss.
“Guys, come on. It’s been like, a million years since we’ve all been together like this and not fighting for our lives.”
Max shuddered at his slight reference to Vecna. Her time in the hospital had been just… awful. Thankfully she had healed up nicely, but the nightmares had been bad again. Every time she closed her eyes she saw his face, dark and menacing, promising her that he’d be back.
“So it’s like, a toast to our friendship?” Lucas asked, opening his can too.
“Yeah, to friendship. Got it?”
Will, El, and Mike all pulled the tabs off of their cans as well.
Max suddenly realized they were all waiting for her, as she was the only one who hadn’t touched hers.
“Uhh, Max?” Mike pushed gently. “You gonna open?”
“Oh, yeah,” she said, reaching for the can abruptly and snapping the tab off. “Sorry.”
“Raise your glasses!” Dustin ordered, holding his can up to the ceiling.
“Cans.” Lucas corrected.
Dustin rolled his eyes. “Just do it!”
They all raised their beers in unison, glancing at each other awkwardly and giggling. Except Max, who remained stone faced.
“To friendship!” Dustin announced, thrusting his can to the center.
“To the party,” Mike added, clinking his beer against his.
“To all of us.” Will finished.
They all clinked their drinks together, laughing. El took the first sip, grimacing at the taste.
“Is this… supposed to be good?”
They all laughed at that.
“I think so? All the grownups seem to like it,” Lucas said hesitantly.
“It’s not bad,” said Will, sipping smoothly. “I like it.”
“It’s more about the symbolism, not the actual taste.” Dustin took another sip. “It’s not terrible.”
Max drank easily. Having Billy as a brother, she was quite used to having alcohol in the house, and was no stranger to it. The taste of beer reminded her of him. He always smelled bitter and slightly medicinal, that weird way your sweat smelled after drinking. Max could’ve offered to bring the drinks tonight, if Mike had told her. Her mom’s wine cabinet was never empty.
Will went to turn the music back up, and the party dissipated once again into smaller groups. Max didn’t move from the table, drinking quietly by herself lost in thought.
Her eyes never strayed from El, who now lay snuggled up in Mike’s arms on the sofa, smiling at him. Max bit her tongue, forcing herself to look away.
Her thoughts about El had been… weird, lately. She didn’t think she had always felt this way about her friend. Of course she had always loved her. But now… it was a different kind of love. She didn’t just want to be around El, she wanted to touch her. Feel her hands on her skin, her lips on her…
Max caught herself again, freezing. Why was she having these thoughts? This wasn’t normal, you weren’t supposed to want to kiss your best friend! Max’s cheeks burned red as she stared down into her half empty can.
“Max?”
She jumped, nearly dropping it.
“Jesus, Lucas! Don’t do that.”
“Sorry,” he said sheepishly, taking a seat next to her. “I just wanted to talk to you. It’s been, uh… kind of a while, since, you know…”
Max’s cheeks flushed. “We don’t have to talk about it.”
“Oh.” He looked slightly hurt.
Max’s mind was immediately flooded with guilt. God, she ruined everything. Why couldn’t she just keep her stupid mouth shut?
“That’s not what I meant,” she said quickly. “I want to talk to you.”
“Okay…” he shifted awkwardly. “I just wanted to know… how things have been doing for you. Are you feeling okay? No more headaches?”
Max softened at his concern for her. She really had missed him.
“Yeah, yeah. I mean, no! No more headaches.” She tried give him a reassuring smile. “I’m fine, I swear.”
“Do you… have any plans for the summer?”
“Um…” Max thought for a second. She hadn’t thought much about it, although she figured she’d probably have to figure something out soon. May was nearing to an end and school was nearly over. Summer was fast approaching.
“Yeah, I don’t really know yet. I might have to work, to help out my mom, y’know?”
“Oh, yeah. That makes sense.”
Max bit her lip. Why was it so awkward talking to Lucas now? Maybe breaking up had been a mistake. But she just couldn’t be with him in good conscience, knowing her mind was elsewhere…
“Have you talked to El at all?” Max asked quietly, glancing over to the sofa to see if El was watching her. She wasn’t, she was busy with Mike as always.
“A bit, but I don’t know everything.” He glanced over at her too. “I heard it was pretty rough for her, though. She’s been struggling.”
Max wished El would talk to her about it. She wanted to be there for her, but El made it so hard. She was almost impossible to get alone now, as Mike always seemed to be lurking no more than three feet away.
“How much do you know?”
“Uhhh…” Lucas hesitated, avoiding her eyes. “Like I said, not much. But she has been having trouble with the whole… Dr Brenner thing.”
Max bit her cheek, feeling guilty again. Was she really jealous of Mike, who had been El’s rock for so long? Of course El wanted to be around him. She’d just been through an immense amount of trauma and was probably feeling lost and alone. Like Max was.
“She hasn’t talked to me much,” Max finally admitted. “I don’t know what’s up.”
Lucas raised an eyebrow at her. “You really don’t know what’s up?”
Max frowned at him. “No..? What are you saying?”
Lucas scoffed. “Come on, Max. You’ve been acting totally weird lately. You barely talk anymore, you’re basically oozing don’t-talk-to-me vibes.”
“Lucas, what?” Max scowled at him. “I haven’t been ‘oozing’ anything!”
“Yeah, you have.” He sucked his teeth, glancing back at El for a second. “I get it, though. You’ve been through a lot. But I wouldn’t be surprised if El feels weird around you. You’re not the most… warm and welcoming.”
Max opened her mouth in retaliation, thinking of her next snippy one liner, but ended up closing it in silence.
Maybe she had been acting differently. It was true she had been avoiding El recently, but that was mostly to avoid those thoughts she had been having. She knew they were wrong, and she hoped that a little distance would make them go away.
Sadly, it had the opposite effect.
Max stood up, dusting off her jeans and slipping her walkman into her pocket.
“I’m gonna get some fresh air, okay?”
Lucas stood up with her, resting a hand on the back of her chair.
“Do you want me to come with?”
“No, no,” Max shook her head. “That’s okay.”
She picked up her beer can and headed up the stairs, glancing back at Lucas and giving a small smile. She walked through the empty house, and out to the backyard. Thank god Mike’s parents weren’t home tonight, she thought. She was happy to avoid the awkwardness.
Oh hello Mr and Mrs Wheeler! Who, me? I’m just stargazing a bit with my soda can out here, definitely not about to light up a cigarette! Well, catch ya later!
Max slipped through the backdoor, making her way out to the back porch. She stood in the grass, gazing into the woods. It was pitch black outside, save for the misty moonlight, and the stars were out. She spotted Orion with his belt, and the summer trinity. It was warm outside, finally, so Max allowed her faded flannel to slip off her shoulders, exposing her fair freckled skin.
She sipped the beer, relishing in the bitter taste it left across her tongue. The smell reminded her of home, in a sad, nostalgic way. She hoped she wouldn’t grow up to be like her parents, her only source of happiness coming from alcohol.
Emptying the can, she set it down on the porch step and reached into her pocket for her lighter and pack of cigs. She plucked a cigarette from the back and held it carefully between her lips while she fumbled with the lighter.
After flicking it a few times (she definitely needed a new one), the flame finally caught. Max inhaled steadily, pausing a second to feel the smoke in her mouth, then inhaled a breath of fresh air. With the cigarette perched between her fingers, Max blew smoke at the stars.
“Hey.”
Max turned abruptly at the sound of a voice.
“El?”
El’s skin glowed in the moonlight, her white strappy dress flowing gently around her in the breeze, navy blue jumper hugged against her.
“Hi.” Her voice was quiet, nervous.
Max looked around, confused. “Where’s Mike?”
“Oh.” El hesitated. “He’s inside.”
Max took another drag of her cigarette.
“He was really okay letting you come up here all by yourself?” She asked snidely.
“I wanted to see you.”
Oh.
“So, uh, it’s been a while, hasn’t it?” Max offered. She was trying to avoid eye contact, as she knew the sight of El’s warm chocolate eyes would send her heart melting.
“Yeah. I- I missed you.”
Max’s heart skipped a beat.
Shut up! She chastised herself internally. That doesn’t mean anything.
“Yeah,” Max nodded, trying to sound casual. “Yeah, it’s good to have you back.”
“You broke up with Lucas.” El stated it like a fact, not a question.
“Uh huh, I did. It just…” She lifted the cigarette to her lips, brushing her long red hair behind her ears. “I needed a break, that’s all.”
El bit her lip, clearly uncomfortable.
“Um…” Max started. “Are things doing okay with Mike?”
El smiled at that, blushing. “Oh, yes. It’s great.”
“At least one of us is happy.”
Max wanted to kick herself. Why did she say that, it sounded so bitchy…
“Max…”
“I’m sorry, I- that was rude.” She dug her sneaker into the ground, making a small ditch in the grass. “Sorry.”
“Are you okay, Max?”
“Yeah, of course. I…”
El took a step towards her, reaching for her hand.
“You’re my best friend.” She took her hand softly, sending a tingle up Max’s spine. “Friends don’t lie.”
Max hoped the other girl wouldn’t see her blushing in the moonlight. El’s skin glowed milky white, shimmering in the darkness like moonlight on the sea. Max fought back the urge the urge to touch her cheek, to let her fingers feel her silky skin and soft hair. That was the thing about girls that Max loved - their softness.
Max bit her tongue again. This was her best friend in front of her. El wasn’t like Lucas, or any of the other guys she’d had crushes on over the years. El didn’t surf or skateboard, she didn’t have washboard abs or a stubble on her chin. She wasn’t supposed to like her like this, it was wrong.
“It’s just… been hard. The nightmares, and everything.”
El grimaced, looking down. “I understand.”
Of course she did. Max cursed herself. El understood better than anyone, she had been plagued by these demons for years. Why couldn’t Max just talk to her? Why couldn’t she just be normal?
Max withdrew her hand, shoving it into her jeans pocket. She lifted the cigarette to her lips again, closing her eyes to feel the warmth engulf her.
“Can I try?”
Max opened her eyes to see El’s wonderful face in front of her, staring at her intently.
“Um, yeah,” Max plucked the cigarette from between her lips and offered it to the girl.
El took it uncertainly, lifting it to her lips.
“Just inhale, then make sure you inhale again without it, that way you don’t cough.”
“Inhale. Okay.”
El breathed in, the end of the cigarette flickering red in the darkness, illuminating El’s delicate rose lips and dimpled chin.
“Yeah that’s right. Now breathe again…”
El did, taking another breath before blowing the smoke right into El’s face, giggling.
“Hey!”
El laughed, handing the cigarette back to her. Max gently held the cig between her lips and reached for the girl’s hand, pulling her forward through the yard.
“Max! Where are we going?”
The girls descended into the tree line, laughing, their cigarette the only thing lighting the way.
Max, slightly tipsy, pulled El through the trees until they stood in the middle of a clearing, the moon directly above them.
“Woah.” El looked up, mesmerized by the sight.
“Isn’t it beautiful?”
El nodded in awe, mouth slightly agape.
The two girls stood facing each other, heads tilted back to take in the moonlight. Max’s eyes drifted back to Earth, to the sight even more beautiful the brilliant moon in the sky - El.
It had always been El.
Her short curls appeared luminous in the white light, perfectly framing her delicate features. Her white dress floated around her, like the wisp of smoke softly drifting from the end of the lit cigarette.
Max couldn’t take her eyes off of her. She imagined what it would be like to kiss her, those soft rosey lips on her skin, her hands on her cheeks. Max wanted to feel her, every part of her - all of her - in the moonlight.
“Max?”
Max snapped back to reality, realizing El was now staring directly at her.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing!” Max backed up quickly, stumbling backwards into a tree. El leaped after her, catching her arm before she could fall.
“Max! Be careful!”
“I’m okay, sorry. Sorry.”
Max knelt down slowly, her knees crunching against the leaves on the ground. She dropped the cigarette butt, grinding it into the dirt with her Vans.
El knelt down next to her, her white dress spilling out over her knees and into the leaves.
“You’re acting… weird.”
“I know, I know.” Max bit her lip. “I can’t…”
El took her hand again. “Can’t what?”
Max gazed into her eyes. She was realizing now that they were so much more beautiful in the moonlight than they had ever been in the sun. Those eyes - they brought back all the memories they had together, everything they had been through over the years.
Ice cream, shopping, movies at the mall. School, skateboarding, monster hunting. Lots of blood and lots of tears. Terror, pure terror… But underneath all of that?
Love.
Always love.
When had Max started loving her? It must have been before El left for California. Max remembered how much her heart had burned the last time she said goodbye to her friend. She had cried that entire night, in more pain than she had been even when Billy died. She never mentioned a thing to the party.
El could leave her a hundred times. A thousand times, even. And Max would be there, waiting for her. The truth was, Max had never before felt this way about anyone else. El was just… different. She was like the moonlight, beautiful and ethereal and unlike anything else in this world.
But Max could never tell her. It would ruin everything. And it wasn’t allowed… It was wrong, morally wrong, and unnatural. That’s what she had been told, at least. Even loving Lucas was more acceptable than loving El.
El squeezed her hand. “You can’t what, Max?”
Her voice was soft and hushed. Max couldn’t help herself anymore. That look in her eyes… the way her lips parted so delicately. Maybe it was the alcohol talking. Or maybe it was months of repressed emotions and guilt suddenly taking over her rational mind.
Max kissed her, suddenly.
Her lips felt exactly as she had dreamed all of those nights. Soft like a silk pillowcase, warm like a summer breeze.
“Max-“ El drew back sharply, her voice startled. “What- what are you doing?”
“I-“
Max made to stand up, to run away. Oh god, she had ruined everything. El would never talk to her again, no one would ever talk to her again. They would know the truth.
“Max!”
El grabbed her wrist before she could run. “Don’t leave, please.”
“I’m sorry- I-“
El pulled her back down, the leaves crunching beneath her.
“El-“ Max blinked back the tears in her eyes. “I didn’t mean…”
“It’s okay.”
Max wiped her eyes, looking up. “What?”
El shook her head slowly, as if she couldn’t believe what she was saying herself, and pulled her jumper around herself tighter.
“Max, I…”
She took Max’s hand, and rested it back on her cheek. Max stroked her friend’s beautiful face. She was so, so lovely.
Max leaned forward, and, to her surprise, found her lips met by El’s.
“Don’t stop,” El whispered.
Max cupped her other hand to the girl’s cheek, those lovely brown curls tickling her fingertips. She wanted every part of her, and she didn’t want to let go.
Her lips were so soft, her skin so warm and perfect.
Their bodies were bathed in the moonlight. It was if, in the clearing, the moon was there for just the two of them. It was as if nothing else mattered, except them and the heavens.
Max ran her fingers through El’s hair, her lips on hers, never wanting the moment to end. Finally, Max pulled away gently, tucking her hair behind her ear.
“Max…” El whispered, reaching a hand for her face, letting her fingers brush gently against the girl’s freckled cheek.
They were nose to nose, lips so close they almost touched. Two girls, so different on the outside - but connected within.
“I love you, El.” Max whispered. “I- I love you.”
A tear trickled from her cheek, glinting in the moonlight.
“And I know I’m not supposed to, I know it’s wrong and everything… but I can’t stop myself from loving you, for longing for you, for wishing I had you to myself, forever. And I’m sorry for that, El. I’m so sorry.”
El opened her mouth, her soft lips parting subtly. “Don’t be sorry. I-“
She looked down before looking back up, into Max’s crystal blue eyes.
“I love you too, Max.”
***