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“Isn’t this nice of her?” Chimney asked, picking up a brownie from the tray that Marisol had brought into the station. It had been a clear attempt to re-introduce herself to the team as Eddie’s girlfriend. The two of them had been dating for a few months now, long enough that the two of them could officially be referred to as a couple.
Marisol was really nice, and fun, and great with Chris and all that. Buck couldn’t find a reason to hate her.
Well, at least he had a reason to hate the brownies.
“No.” Buck frowned, glaring at the tray of perfectly cut brownies.
“Oh, come on,” Chimney rolled his eyes. “Just because you can’t eat them doesn’t mean it wasn’t nice of her.”
“It’s the principle of the thing,” Buck explained. “I can’t be appreciative of something I can’t even have.”
“You know, you’d think after having celiac disease for thirty whole years you would be a little less whiny about it.” Chimney rolled his eyes.
“You try never getting any cake or brownies or cookies at any birthday party or class party your entire life and just–”
“Oh! Buck!” Buck heard Eddie’s voice interrupt as the man made his way to the top of the stairs.
“Yeah?” Buck gulped, his breath hitching in his throat. It was embarrassing that Eddie had this kind of power over him now, ever since he’d looked over at his best friend and thought ‘Oh shit, I’m in love with this guy’.
Buck broke up with Natalia the next day, telling her that she deserved someone who could be all in, and refusing to explain further what exactly that meant. He was kind of scared that the second he admitted out loud that he was in love with Eddie, he wouldn’t be able to keep buried inside any longer.
The problem only got worse the more he thought about it, with Buck being constantly paranoid that somebody was going to see right through him. Like right now.
“I have something for you,” Eddie grinned. “One sec.”
With that, Eddie bolted back down the stairs, and Buck stood frozen in anticipation for a moment before Eddie reappeared.
“Here,” Eddie held out a chocolate cupcake in a clear box. “I picked it up from a gluten free bakery on the way here. It’s fresh.”
“Wow,” Buck said, taking the box from Eddie’s palm. “Uh, thanks. Why?”
“Well, I knew Marisol was going to be bringing in brownies for everyone, and I knew you couldn’t eat them, so…”
Buck couldn’t hold back his smile. Eddie was always so damn thoughtful. It made Buck want to jump his bones.
But Eddie had a girlfriend. Who he must like a lot and was very nice and brought everyone brownies. So all Buck could really do was say–
“Thanks, Eds.” Buck looked up at Eddie.
“Of course,” Eddie replied, and wandered off.
“Damn, Buckley.” Chimney scoffed from beside Buck.
“What?” Buck hissed. Had he been looking at Eddie walk away too obviously? Had Chimney noticed? Did Chimney know that Buck was completely, utterly–
“You’re so annoying that Eddie brought you a special treat just to make you shut up.” Chimney chuckled.
Oh.
“Shuddup, Chimney,” Buck mumbled, opening up the plastic box in his hand and pulling out his cupcake. “I’m disowning you.”
“You can’t disown me, I haven’t even married into the family yet.” Chimney rolled his eyes.
Buck didn’t reply, just shoved the cupcake into his mouth and walked away.
It was incredible, because of course it was.
–
It wasn’t all that long before Buck was subjected to a home-cooked meal from Marisol.
Really, it was because Marisol and Eddie had discussed her spending more time with Christopher. They had met, of course, and Chris was old enough that he understood what his father having a girlfriend really meant.
It only made sense that they had come to the conclusion that since they were serious now, Marisol should get to know Eddie’s son.
And Buck was fine with that, really. Because it wasn’t his place to make decisions about Eddie’s life. He just had to pretend that it didn’t make him feel like a little bit of a crazy person and the he wasn’t feeling like his family was being ripped out from under him.
Pretending got a little bit harder when Eddie asked Buck to be there for Marisol’s first dinner at the house.
“I just think it would be easier on Chris if you were there as well,” Eddie explained. “Just, less overwhelming. If you know what I mean.”
Buck, of course, didn’t know how to say no to that. He could barely say no to Eddie, and once Chris was involved?
Yeah. Buck was done for.
And so, Buck was there at Eddie’s on a Friday night after a 48-hour shift, pretending that it wasn’t totally killing him to play a supporting role in Eddie’s happy family.
This is for Chris, Buck reminded himself as he beamed at Marisol at greeted her, her arms full of groceries. This is for Chris this is for Chris this is for Chris.
This is for Chris, Buck thought as they made small talk in the kitchen and Eddie held his hand on the small of Marisol’s back.
After seeing that, Buck spent the rest of the time Marisol was cooking–she had insisted on cooking–in the living room with Chris, helping him with his science project.
That part wasn’t so bad.
But, somehow, the night got worse.
This is for Chris, Buck repeated to himself as he tried not to gag at the meal Marisol had made especially for him.
“It’s gluten free!” She had exclaimed excitedly.
Buck wasn’t even sure what it was. It was both overcooked and undercooked, and he was pretty sure she had substituted wheat flour with coconut and paired it with brown rice pasta. And covered that in cheese.
“Thank you,” Buck smiled. “It looks great.”
He took a bite.
This is for Chris.
And another.
This is for Chris.
And another.
This is for Chris.
–
“How bad was it?” Eddie asked a few minutes after Marisol pulled out of the driveway.
“How bad was what?” Buck asked, feigning ignorance.
“Come on,” Eddie said. “I saw you hide your food under your napkin. How bad was it?”
“It was…” Buck trailed off, trying to come up with a polite way to say dogshit. “It wasn’t that bad.”
“ I don’t believe you. ” Eddie grinned, almost singing the words in a way that made Buck want to kiss him. Or maybe collapse onto the ground in actual physical pain because couldn’t.
“Okay,” Buck gave in. “It was pretty fucking bad.”
“I knew it!” Eddie exclaimed, laughter erupting out the sides of his mouth. “I knew it was awful.”
“Was I that obvious?” Buck grimaced. He really had done his best to seem like he was enjoying the food. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt Marisol’s feelings. Okay, maybe it wasn’t the last thing he wanted to do, but really, the woman hadn’t done anything wrong.
“Nah,” Eddie smirked. “I don’t think she could tell. I just know you too well.”
Buck gulped, nodding in agreement while feeling like he was being eaten alive from the inside out.
I just know you too well. Of course he would say that. It was almost like he was daring Buck to shout out ‘well, here’s something you don’t know! ’
But Buck didn’t say that.
“I thought it was very nice that she tried.” Buck landed on, only he was betrayed by the loud rumbling of his stomach punctuating the end of his sentence, and Eddie looked over at Buck with a raised eyebrow.
Eddie picked up his phone right away.
“Okay,” He said. “I’m ordering you something edible. What do you want?”
“It’s fine–” Buck tried to insist.
“Let me do this for you,” Eddie interrupted. “Because you gave up your whole night to come do this for me and you didn’t even really get dinner. So I owe you a meal. What do you want?”
I didn’t really give up anything, Buck wanted to say. Because I’m getting to spend time with you and that’s all I ever want anyways.
Buck would eat shitty undercooked food for the rest of his life if he got to do it at the same table as Eddie.
Buck couldn’t tell Eddie that.
“Uhh…” Buck blinked at Eddie. “How about Thai food?”
“Done,” Eddie smiled at Buck, typing into his phone. “You want your regular?”
“Sure.” Buck nodded at Eddie, letting himself pretend, just for a second, that this–that Eddie –was his.
–
Really, Buck should have known better than to put his buns with everyone else’s.
And really, it wasn’t Christopher’s fault that he didn’t know the difference between the gluten free buns and the regular ones. Christopher ate gluten free buns all the time, between having dinner at Buck’s and Eddie buying them for him house because it was just easier for them all to eat the same thing.
So when Chris saw the familiar package sitting out at the table, he just grabbed them without thinking about it.
Buck wasn’t upset with Christopher for that. Of course he wasn’t.
Eddie, on the other hand…
“Eddie, it’s fine,” Buck insisted as Eddie got more and more pent up about the situation. “I don’t need a bun.”
“No,” Eddie groaned. “It’s not fine. That was your food, and now you don’t have anything to eat because I didn’t–”
“Eddie,” Buck cut in. “Are you alright?”
If it was anyone else, Buck wouldn’t have asked, really. But honestly, Eddie must have been on edge.
“M’fine,” Eddie said, closing his eyes and exhaling out his nose a little. “You know what? I’m going to go get you more buns.” Eddie said, fishing his car keys out of his pocket and walking through the yard towards the house.
Buck went after him to stop him, but before he could lay a hand on Eddie’s shoulder, the man was stopped by Marisol coming out of the house and marching towards Eddie.
“Sorry I’m late,” Marisol sighed. “Nobody was answering my knocks at the door and I tried calling you but you weren’t answering.”
“Oh,” Eddie said. “Uh, sorry. Listen, I’ll be back in like, twenty-five minutes, but if you just want food, Bobby has everything over on the grill–”
“You’re leaving?” Marisol questioned. “Eddie, I just got here.”
“I know,” Eddie said. “I just have to go to the store really quickly, I’ll be back soon.”
“You’re leaving me here by myself?” Marisol asked. She was obviously frustrated, and Buck was starting to wonder if this was about something else entirely.
“Just for like, twenty minutes, Marisol–” Eddie started to argue, but she didn’t let him get very far.
“Where are you even going, Eddie?” Marisol asked. “What could you possibly need to go do right this second?”
“Christopher ate Buck’s buns, and I’m just going to go get him new ones–”
“Eddie, it’s fine,” Buck cut in, really wishing he didn’t have to be a part of this conversation. “I don’t need a bun–”
“See,” Marisol said. “Buck says he doesn’t need a bun, so–”
“Marisol,” Eddie groaned. “I’ll be back so quick, just–”
This time, Eddie cut himself off with the realisation that the backyard had grown eerily quiet.
While their friends and family were doing Eddie the courtesy of not outwardly staring, it was clear the dispute had caught everyone’s attention.
“Why don’t I come out to the car with you, Eddie?” Marisol finally asked, her voice quiet enough that only Buck was close enough to overhear.
Eddie nodded, and the two of them walked off together in silence.
Forty-five minutes later, Eddie returned with gluten free buns. And without Marisol.
“Here you go,” Eddie said dropping the package into Buck’s arms, his voice flat and exasperated. “Gluten-free buns.”
“Eddie, uh, where’s–” Buck began.
“I don’t want to talk about it.” Eddie sighed.
“Look, Eddie, I’m sorry if–”
“Not your fault.” Eddie was quick to understand where Buck was going with his apology.
“But–”
“Buck,” Eddie continued. “This had nothing to do with you. Promise.”
“Okay,” Buck smiled weakly. “Um, thanks for the buns.”
Eddie walked off, and Buck was left wondering if he was going to hell because all he could think about was how he hoped he never had to see Marisol ever again.
–
Buck never saw Marisol ever again.
A few days after the fiasco at the barbeque, Eddie asked Buck to watch Chris while he went over to talk it out with her.
He came home just over an hour later, along with a small plastic bag, presumably full of things of his that had been at Marisol’s.
“It’s over.” Eddie simply said as he kicked off his shoes and sat down on the couch.
“I’m…sorry.” Buck tried, but his heart was beating double time in his chest with both relief and guilt.
“It’s fine,” Eddie shrugged. “It’s over now. Wanna watch something?”
Eddie really didn’t seem that torn up about it, patting the couch cushion next to him and looking up at Buck expectantly.
Weird, Buck thought as he sat down next to Eddie.
He decided not to think too much about that.
–
Three weeks later, Eddie was at Buck’s and Christopher was at some kid’s sleepover party. The two of them had made all these big plans to go out to a bar, but every hour they had actually just sunk deeper and deeper into Buck’s couch while nursing mediocre beer.
They were watching Animal Planet and laughing their asses off watching a sloth trek across the jungle for the promise of sexual relations.
Buck couldn’t complain. Sitting on his couch with the man he loved next to him was better than any night out he could imagine.
“What happened between you and Marisol?” Buck finally found the courage to ask four beers in.
“We broke up.” Eddie scoffed, as if that was what Buck was asking.
“Eddie, come on,” Buck rolled his eyes. “You know that’s not what I meant. Why did you and Marisol break up? You never really explained what happened.”
“I–” Eddie grimaced, looking over at Buck. “I can’t tell you.”
“Wha–why not?” Buck sat straight up, maneuvering himself so he was looking at Eddie straight on. “Is it something weird?”
“No, it’s not something–”
“Is she into some weird sex thing?” Buck questioned. “Are you into some weird sex thing?”
Admittedly, Buck didn’t think there was anything she wouldn’t be willing to try if Eddie wanted to do it with him. So if that was Marisol’s problem, it was truly her loss.
“What? No,” Eddie groaned. “It wasn’t a weird sex thing .”
“Then what was it?” Buck pressed.
“Do you really want to know?” Eddie asked, his voice flat and even.
“ Yes,” Buck stressed. “That’s why I’m asking.”
“Fine,” Eddie said, his voice kind of low and mumbly. “Fine. It was you, Buck.”
“It was–” Buck felt his brain short-circuiting as he spoke. “ What? ”
“It wasn’t you like you did anything, or whatever,” Eddie explained. “It was that Marisol felt like I made everything about you. That I…put you above everyone else, including her.”
“So…” Buck blinked at Eddie. “How did that…What did she even say?”
“She asked me if I thought I would ever be able to make her as much of a priority as I make you. I said I didn’t know.”
“Oh.” Buck said. “I didn’t know I was…messing things up, or–”
“Buck, stop,” Eddie said. “You’re like, the most important person in my life. After Chris, obviously. I’m not going to lose that relationship for a woman I’ve been dating for six months.”
“Okay.” Buck said, taking a sip of his beer and watching Eddie refocus his eyes on the television.
I’m in love with you, Buck wanted to say.
He didn’t, though.
–
Eddie had a lot more free time after he and Marisol broke up.
Buck wasn’t exactly complaining. Now that neither of them had girlfriends, things were kind of how they used to be–only, somehow more?
It was almost like Eddie had forgotten to shift out of relationship mode. Instead of staying at home and wallowing or smothering his son, Eddie was increasingly interested in doing things as long as Buck came with him. They were going on hikes, going to movies, and taking Chris to the beach.
One week, Eddie suggested that the two of them go antiquing for crying out loud.
Again, Buck wasn’t really complaining. It was kind of like having a boyfriend without the benefits. As long as it was with Eddie, Buck was pretty sure he could live with that scenario for the rest of his life.
“Hi.” Eddie marched into the firehouse, handing Buck a coffee and a pastry. Because it was Eddie, Buck knew he didn’t even have to question what was in it before biting in. Eddie had switched coffee shops years ago to one that had better gluten free options.
Although, it wasn’t until recently that he had been coming into almost every shift with coffee and a breakfast item in tow.
Buck wasn’t kidding about the relationship mode thing.
“Good morning,” Buck replied. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” Eddie said. “I need to talk to you about this weekend. I made us reservations at a restaurant, but it’s kind of late so I need to double check that you don’t have any other plans for–”
“Eddie,” Buck stopped him. “Hold on a second. What’s happening right now?”
“We’re making plans for the weekend,” Eddie said. “I really want to take you to this restaurant I heard about that’s entirely gluten free, and apparently very good. I called to get reservations for Saturday, but they only had availability at like nine forty, so I’m going to get my Tia to take Chris for the night–”
“Eddie,” Buck cut him off again. “It kind of feels like you’re taking me on a date.”
It was supposed to be a joke. Honestly.
“Oh,” Eddie said, his eyes wide. “Uh. Yeah. I think– fuck, I fucked this up.”
“What?” Buck questioned, and all of a sudden he could hear his heart beating in his chest. “What did you fuck up?”
“I’m trying to take you out on a date,” Eddie grimaced. “But I got so caught up in the reservations that, uh–I think I forgot to ask.”
I’m trying to take you out on a date.
He really just said that.
“You want to go on a date?” Buck asked. He felt like he was dreaming, or maybe deep underwater because there was no way this was happening in real life.
“Buck,” Eddie said. “You’re–my last relationship kind of proved that nothing and nobody is ever going to live up to you. So, yeah. If you would have me, I would like that.”
“Yes,” Buck simply said. And he really was over the moon, but this was also his best friend, so he couldn’t help but keep talking. “How the hell did you get so worked up over the reservations that you forgot the asking me out part?”
“I heard about the gluten free restaurant and got excited, I guess.” Eddie shrugged.
“Why would you get excited about gluten free food when you can have normal people food?” Buck asked.
“I get excited about gluten free food because gluten free food makes you happy,” Eddie explained. “And seeing you happy makes me happy.”
Buck bit down on his lip.
Buck wondered how he spent so much of his time worrying about trace amounts of gluten.
Really, it was Eddie Diaz who would be the death of him.