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One of Alcryst's favorite things about fishing was the way it could lull him away from all of his earthly cares. He spent all day conscious about the space he took up, the air that was wasted on him, and all of his many weaknesses and flaws. But when he was fishing, he was able to get a moment of reprieve from the constant barrage of self-deprecation that was his internal monologue. His jaw was unclenched as he focused his muscles on the tensions in the rod and his mind uncoiled as it bobbed along the still water's edge with the red and white float at the end of his line. It was serene and calming. The pond was always one of the quieter places in the Somniel. In the infrequent but not rare instances where other people were fishing, they were also often lost in their own meditations. But it was days like this one, when he was completely alone, where Alcryst truly let his imagination wander as much as it pleased.
It was almost shameful how self-satisfying his thoughts could become in those moments. Lulled in a false sense of peace at the pond's edge, he would not only let his cares drift away but he would often even dare to dream. Alcryst was usually very grateful for the few things he had in life. His brother's health, the strength of Brodia, and the safety of his loved ones. He didn't dare want anything more than that. Except when he was fishing. He could dream of getting a catch, and sometimes even could see that small goal realized. A tiny victory to propel him through the rest of the day. Maybe he'd even fantasize about what he would like to eat for dinner, or what else he could fill his free time with.
And lately, admittedly, he had been using this time at the pond to think about even more scandalous things. In particular, a friend of his. His best friend, in fact. The first best friend he'd ever had. Maybe except Citrinne and Diamant, though they hardly counted, being family and all. They couldn't avoid being associated with Alcryst, and for that burden, he was constantly apologizing to them. Everyone else in his life he tried to spare from the shame of knowing him by keeping them at arm's length as coworkers or necessary allies. Still, sometimes the Divine Dragon or Lapis or even someone like the bubbly younger princess of Elusia would call him a friend. But one person, in particular, had called Alcryst his best friend and had insisted on making sure Alcryst couldn't apologize for or deny it. Alcryst felt his heart ripple in his chest at the thought of him again. The tug inside of him was so strong, he almost didn't notice the tug on his line, until he felt a presence lean into his back.
"Come back, Prince Alcryst, before you lose it."
Alcryst gasped and did, in fact, almost drop his fishing pole entirely. He snatched it quickly and tugged, registering two very real facts at once. The first was that there was a fish - a big fish - caught on his line, and he had some catching up to do if he was going to manage to reel it in. The second was that Fogado was pressed against his back, hands holding Alcryst's elbows, keeping him steady, chin hooked over Alcryst's shoulder so that he could whisper reassurances directly into Alcryst's brain.
Fogado was warm. His hands were warm through Alcryst's sleeves. His breath was warm on Alcryst's ear and neck. Alcryst could feel his pelvis pressing into his lower back and that was incredibly warm, almost to the point of distraction. But he managed to focus on his fishing pole and tugged. He pressed backward into Fogado because he had nowhere else to go. Fogado stayed firm and steady, holding him up. The fish broke through the surface. It was a huge wide-mouthed catfish. It seemed to hang suspended in the air for a moment, the setting sun glinting off its beautiful dark scales.
The fist landed somewhere on the dock, along with the fishing pole, but Alcryst didn't have half a mind to retrieve it. He was too focused on Fogado's strong arms wrapping around his stomach and hoisting him into the air as he whooped and hollered in celebration. Alcryst's feet lifted off the dock and he had the brief sensation of floating. It wasn't immediately apparent to him when Fogado put him back down because he had similar responses to being around Fogado a lot lately.
It was the problem. The reason he had been dozing off on the dock and almost lost the catfish. The thoughts he hadn't had time to properly lock away again before being pulled back into his body. The feelings still weighed heavy on his chest as he turned to finally face Fogado.
Maybe Fogado was just bursting with so much excitement from that last-minute triumphant catch he didn't know where to place it. Whatever the reason, as soon as Alcryst was facing him, he cupped his hands around Alcryst's jawline. His pointer fingers gently tickled the helix of Alcryst's ears and his thumbs brushed under Alcryst's eyes. He brought his face close and for a brief heartstopping second Alcryst thought his most secret daydreams were about to become a reality. But Fogado just pressed their foreheads together. Their noses brushed and Alcryst didn't know which touches were intentional anymore. He was losing touch with reality. It was starting to get dangerous.
"You're amazing!" Fogado exclaimed. Since his mouth was so close, he kept his voice a few decibels quieter than he perhaps would have normally. He pulled his face back and Alcryst tried not to chase after it, instead bracing himself by grabbing one of Fogado's wrists with his hand to keep it still and to keep himself from tumbling over. "I really thought that fish was gonna get away, but you're so fast and strong! It was no match for you!"
Ah yes, the fish. Alcryst glanced to the side to see the fish glistening in the orange light from the sunset. It wasn't anything special, he thought. Just some fish. Maybe a bit large, but he'd seen Diamant catch larger. Anyone could've caught this one. He felt the compulsion to say it out loud, to make sure Fogado knew that this moment wouldn't inflate his ego at all. To make it clear that he still knew his place. Instead, he shrugged and tried to switch gears. "I uh… How long have you been here?"
It was hard looking at Fogado directly in the face. His eyes twinkled like stars on a good day, but in the glow of sunset, they were the most beautiful eyes Alcryst had ever seen. His skin shimmered and his teeth in his wide smile gleamed. He was positively radiant as always. Alcryst felt the urge to run away, to crawl back into a hole where he belonged and hide from Fogado's brilliance. He still struggled with accepting that he belonged to stand here and bask in it.
"Not long," Fogado said. "I had just started looking for you. Prince Diamant said you might be here. It was just luck that I witnessed your amazing feat."
Alcryst had to force himself to not look away bashfully. "Did you need something from me?"
"Do I need to have a reason to spend time with you?" Fogado's voice was husky and low and a little smirk tugged at the corner of his lips when he said it. He dipped his head to the side and some of his bangs bounced close to one of his twinkling eyes.
Again, the problem. Because no, Fogado had never needed a reason to hang out with Alcryst before. In fact, lately, they were almost always together in their free time. Alcryst loved spending time with Fogado and, for what it was worth, Fogado seemed to enjoy Alcryst's company as well. They were best friends, after all. It was completely normal for them to want to spend quality time deepening their bond.
The problem was that at some point it had all gotten a little out of hand for Alcryst. The bond had deepened a little too much. He was on the verge of having ulterior motives and that was not something he thought Fogado deserved. Fogado liked him, he had said as much, but Alcryst was starting to fall in love with Fogado. Every touch and look they shared sent shivers down his spine. He normally ran cold but around Fogado, Alcryst was always burning. Fogado's persistently sunny disposition was breaking through the gloom Alcryst usually shrouded his days in and he was afraid he was getting addicted.
Alcryst had spent several agonizing weeks debating with himself on what to do about it. If he told Fogado his feelings, wouldn't they burden him? But if he didn't tell him, wouldn't he be lying? If he chose honesty, he would probably lose some of the closeness he had built up with Fogado, but that was his price to pay. On the other hand, if he kept it to himself, Fogado would assume nothing was different when they danced on empty balconies under the moonlight or shared meals or leaned into each other while watching sunrises break through the clouds the Somniel floated on. It felt criminal to get away with letting Fogado touch him so much while knowing that the touches meant so much more to him.
"Actually, I did have a question." Fogado was still grinning, but his gaze had drifted away from Alcryst. His sparkling eyes were unfocused, directed at a spot just above Alcryst's head. He looked like he was having a nice daydream. It was stunning. Alcryst could spend his whole life looking at Fogado. "I was going to ask this anyway, but maybe it could also be like a celebration for your big catch. I, uh, wanted to know if maybe you wanted to spend the night with me tonight?"
Alcryst was so thankful Fogado wasn't making eye contact with him. Because in that moment, he swore he could see stars. He was certain his expression gave away everything. His stomach did the most dramatic little flip and his heart was almost suffocating him with how much it was pounding.
He couldn't, of course, agree to this. Fogado didn't even know what he was asking. Alcryst would never take advantage of his trust like that. The shock of even considering it tore through him, crawling from his somersaulting stomach and out his throat.
"Prince Fogado, I have a confession to make!" Alcryst squeaked and by the time he said it, it was too late. Fogado looked at him, but he didn't want to start making eye contact now. He looked away and lifted his other hand to grab Fogado's wrist with the intention of removing his hands from his face. His fingertips burned where they touched Fogado's soft skin over his pulse. There was no turning back.
"I'm sorry to burden you with this, but I cannot keep leading you on under pretense." Fogado's face fell as Alcryst talked, but he pressed on. "I… I fear I… I think I've fallen in love with you."
There was a pause that hung in the air like the blade of a guillotine, ready to fall and strike Alcryst where he stood at any moment. He wanted to run and once again forced himself to stay put and looked up into Fogado's face, which had been caught between delight and horror and was now compromising between the two with unreadable neutrality. "I need to clarify that the feelings I have for you are deeper than friendship. Even best friendship, I think. I could never presume to want for more than what we already have which is why I need to come clean. I don't think spending the night with you would be wise. I'm so sorry for having betrayed your trust like this."
There was more silence, to the point where Alcryst was starting to think that maybe leaving was the best idea. Then Fogado said, "I'm just a little confused," he started. He took a deep breath and said, "So… You are saying you don't want to spend the night… because you're in love with me?"
"I think it would be for the best," Alcryst said, dejectedly. "And perhaps we should stop spending as much together on the whole. I would understand if you would feel more comfortable-"
Fogado broke free of the hold Alcryst had on his wrists and grabbed his limp-fisted hands instead. He stared directly into Alcryst's wide, alarmed eyes, and said, "I don't think that would be for the best. I think spending less time together would be the worst, actually."
"But, Prince Fogado-"
"Wait, before you dog on yourself anymore, I also have a confession to make." Fogado took a deep breath through his nose and then said, maybe a bit too loudly, "I thought we were dating."
Alcryst blinked, trying to reboot his brain, hoping that maybe it would process what he just heard a little better. "I'm sorry?"
"No, I'm sorry. See, I thought when we… You know, when we confessed to each other, when you said you liked me and I said I liked you. I might've… Made some assumptions. I was under the impression that, for weeks now, we were already dating."
"Um… Oh…"
Alcryst's face was burning. Fogado gently released his nervous iron grip on his fists and twisted their fingers together until they were both relaxed. It was a brief handhold because, in the next breath, he pulled Alcryst in closer to him and wrapped one hand around Alcryst's lower back like they were about to dance. Alcryst rested his hand on Fogado's chest, just above his heart. He could feel it pounding under his fingertips.
"The truth is, I am falling in love with you too. Every day we spend together is a new adventure. You're so amazing. You're intuitive and sweet and strong. I can't think of anyone else I'd rather waste my days with. So, I'll ask you as plainly as I can right now, will you let me court you? Like, officially."
"Yes," Alcryst whispered. He barely got it out at all. He was suddenly very preoccupied with how close Fogado's lips were to his.
"And would you like to spend the night with me? In my quarters? As, ya know, boyfriends?"
"Yes."
"And can I kiss you? Like, right now?"
"Yes, please."
And just like that, the problem was no longer a problem. It was a reality. Alcryst had been so ashamed of his secret desires, but against all odds, he wanted to celebrate this moment. It was even better than he had ever dreamed. Fogado's lips were sweet. They were soft and tasted like some sort of balm. Alcryst found himself parting his mouth maybe a bit too early to get a better taste of them, but Fogado did not seem to mind. He wrapped his arms around Alcryst and pulled him in until they were uncertain where one man began and the other one ended. Alcryst held tight to Fogado, as if he was afraid he might float away into the sky, buoyed by pure joy.
He felt a little drunk when they finally pulled apart, just enough to get better looks at each other. Fogado's beautiful twinkling eyes darted between Alcryst's, like he was searching for something. Alcryst smiled something soft and unpracticed in an attempt to soothe him.
"We should get that fish up to the kitchens and have dinner soon," Fogado said, finally pulling away with the intention of leaving the dock, though he still held on to one of Alcryst's hands. "We have a lot to get done tonight."
"It's okay," Alcryst said as he let his boyfriend take the lead. "We have all night."