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“It's not my fault.” Merlin's voice was possibly a little higher than normal, and his smile was manic. Not that that was currently Arthur’s priority. All things considered. He gave Merlin a look.
A look Merlin apparently interpreted as ‘please, do continue to ramble, you know how I love it so…’
“And really, I mean, you did just barge in.”
Arthur’s brows scrunched, wondering if the skinny little idiot had any clue how few favours he was doing himself here.
“I have said before, I work with delicate things. Very delicate, lots of concentration needed. But you don't listen, so really-”
“Merlin, if you finish that sentence, you won't just be cleaning out the stables, nor spending an evening in the stocks. If you finish that sentence, particularly while I'm still covered in leeches, you will be cleaning the stables while in the stocks.” Arthur's tone was surprisingly even. He was quite pleased with himself. Wasted on Merlin of course, given the moron was just standing there staring. “Merlin!”
Merlin jumped slightly, but still couldn’t resist running his mouth. “Yes sire, sorry sire, no sentences, got it.”
“Merlin...” Not for the first time, Arthur wondered what it was about this idiot that made him so lenient with him. He never would have given so many warnings to his prior servant. But then, he would never have been in this sort of ridiculous situation with his prior servant. Only Merlin.
“Yea, ah, right, I'll...” Merlin finally got moving, though now too fast, nearly stabbing Arthur. Was even the operation of tongs a difficulty for him? Arthur watched carefully to make sure Merlin didn’t miss a single leech.
Merlin was thorough, when he actually focussed, Arthur decided. It was just the getting him to focus that was the problem. Of course, one could be too focussed. Arthur wasn’t sure what to say when Merlin practically pulled Arthur’s shirt off in his pursuit of leeches. Thankfully the boy stopped on his own. Really. What was Arthur supposed to do with the dolt? He settled for shaking his head and crossing his arms, ready for whatever explanation Merlin was going to give him for all of this.
“I slipped.”
Arthur blinked. Then waited. Then ran a hand over his face and through his hair when Merlin didn’t automatically elaborate.
Leeches had rained down on Arthur. Leeches. Leech rain. On the Crown Prince of Camelot.
There was also a mark on the back wall that looked suspiciously as though the stone had been charred. There was muck and plants and Arthur didn’t know what else spread all over the room. Broken glass strewn through it all.
And all Merlin can say is that he slipped.
“You slipped.” Arthur couldn’t help but say it out loud, hoping it might make more sense that way.
“Yes.”
“But it's not your fault.”
“No, it was not.”
“And you did all this,” Arthur gestured at everything from the roof down, “by... slipping.”
“Yes.” Merlin said with a head nod and just the most gormless smile.
Arthur hoped the face he was making conveyed to Merlin just how much of an idiot he thought his manservant was.
Merlin’s only response was to shrug slightly before he simply turned his back on Arthur. As though that was all there was to it.
“Merlin.”
“Mmm?” Merlin hummed over his shoulder. Insolent git.
“Merlin.”
“Yes Arthur?”
“Merlin!” Arthur’s yell, something that had knights scrambling to obey, merely caused Merlin to deign to look over. Arthur huffed and rolled his eyes. Only Merlin.
“Explain,” Arthur went on. “Explain how you slipped, how all of this is the result, and how none of it could possibly be your fault.”
Merlin took a long, melodramatic moment to put some of the debris from the floor onto the bench. Arthur settled in for what, knowing Merlin, he was sure would be a truly ridiculous elaboration. Finally, Merlin got on with it.
“Gaius has been on at me to clean the leech tank for ages. He also wanted me to mix up a fresh batch of that tonic for Lord Martin. You know, the one for his gout. Of course, if you ask me, it would probably work better if-” Arthur shifted slightly, his arms crossing more firmly over his chest and Merlin took it for the anti-babble warning that it was, “-ah, but, well, so, with Gaius being in the lower town today and you being busy with whatever,” Arthur's brow pinched as Merlin waved an arm, apparently making light of Arthur’s various court duties, but he allowed Merlin to continue, “I thought now was as good a time as any. So I got all of the tonic going up to the point where you just have to sit back and let things simmer, then I started on the tank.”
Merlin paused. Arthur waited. They’d played this game before and both fortunately and unfortunately for Arthur, Merlin seemed to have a deep and abiding hatred of silence.
“Well the tank is heavy, so I didn't want to have to lift it down, so I was standing on the bench giving it a good wipe down on the inside. I had the water up there with me as well, and maybe some of it might just have splashed onto the bench I was standing on.”
Aha, so it was Merlin’s fault after all, Arthur knew it!
“Something that absolutely wouldn't have been a problem if some oversized prat hadn't come storming in, giving me a fright and causing me to step in the water, at which point I slipped.”
Arthur’s eyes narrowed, unable to fully believe that his scrawny, moronic manservant had just called him an oversized prat. No one else ever called him names. Like they were children. Like they were friends.
“So,” Arthur prompted.
“Hmm?”
“So, Merlin, how did you slipping equate to the upheaval of an entire room?”
Did Merlin just glare at him?
“Well, I slipped, grabbed the tank, kicked the burner, knocked the water into the air, dropped the tank and caused all the ingredients for the tonic to go flying.” He pointed to the various disasters in the room as he mentioned them. “Luckily-”
Arthur snorted.
“-I managed to land on my feet on the floor just as you finished barging into the room. And you were there for the rest.”
“So that black patch on the wall...”
“Scorch mark from the burner, yes.”
“And the green puddle?”
“Ex leech tank cleaning water.”
“And the burner didn't set fire to everything because...?”
There was a moment, just a moment where Merlin seemed to be struggling with what his face was doing. But then he smiled, bright and beaming. No one else smiled quite like that. Not at Arthur at least. Everyone else held back. It was… disarming.
“Lucky, like I said. Wasn't watching, too busy falling over, but,” he shrugged, “must've put itself out as it landed.”
Which, okay, Arthur could perhaps go with that. “A fire that puts itself out as it lands...” he said slowly.
“Well it did land on stone. Which isn't flammable. Lucky it didn't land on the books. You would've had to help me put it out while still covered in leeches and it would've been a real disaster.”
“As opposed to your usual brand of disaster.” Arthur quipped, automatically falling into their regular banter.
Somehow, Merlin put the smile up another notch. “Yes, exactly.”
Arthur huffed again, but there wasn’t any heat behind it. “Right. Well then.” Arthur relaxed his stance, uncrossing his arms as he did so. Really, the explanation was just as ridiculous as he’d expected it to be. And something there nagged at him. But Merlin was still smiling that big, bright smile, and all Arthur could think was, again, only Merlin. “Well then, alright. I'll leave you to sort this then. Don't be late for the training session later. Oh, and Merlin?”
“Yes Arthur?”
“You're an idiot Merlin.”
“Yes Arthur.”
Still shaking his head, Arthur left the room, wondering how someone like Merlin had ever made it past childhood.
He put it out of his mind, continuing on with his day, until hours later he spied Gaius returning from the lower town. An idea came to him and Arthur grinned wide before rearranging his face into something contrite as he approached the older man.
“Gaius, I’m so sorry. I truly hadn't meant to always be barging into your rooms. I promise you though, I have learnt my lesson. And I am very glad your books hadn't caught fire.” Arthur watched as Gaius’ eyebrows rose up to his hairline. Or where his hairline would be if it weren’t receding. For good measure he tacked on, “I will, of course, arrange to buy a new leech tank for you.”
Gaius’ face turned thunderous.
Let’s see his little idiot of a manservant weasel out of this one.