Work Text:
Zoé notices everything about Marinette.
She notices how her nose scrunches up when she’s thinking, how her tongue pokes out of the corner of her mouth when she focuses, how she trembles when she's frustrated, how her breath quickens when she's upset, and how she doesn’t love Zoé back.
Of course, Zoé knows Marinette doesn’t love her the way Zoé loves her. How could she not know? The exact moment she could make any kind of sense of these new bubbling feelings deep in her gut she knew she was fighting a losing battle. She would always be doomed to play a side character in Marinette’s life, a part of the supporting cast.
She doesn’t mind the damnation as much as she thought she would. Receiving the confirmation that no, Marinette did not love her back and there was no wiggle room about it, was more of a dull ache than a sharp pain. It was a truth that she had already accepted. Had already cried over in the comfort of her room, with a tub of mint chocolate chip ice cream in her lap and a fuzzy blanket wrapped around her.
This doesn’t mean Zoé isn’t still in love with her. She loves her so, so much. It consumes her every waking thought. A glimpse at the phone number given to her what seems like ages ago has her heart spasming with hope. A glimmer of “what if…” passes through her mind before she comes back to reality and realizes that it is impossible. Girls like Marinette do not like girls like Zoé. Those are the facts of life that she must remind herself of every morning before she does something stupid like fall to Marinette’s feet and beg her to love her back. She would change every facet of her identity if it would mean that Marinette would look at her like she looks at Adrien.
There’s a small voice in the back of her mind reminding her that she should probably be jealous of Adrien. And maybe she is, maybe there is a latent spark of jealousy hidden in the back of her subconscious. She can feel it sometimes, when she sees them holding hands or when he makes her laugh so hard her face shines brighter than the sun. But, she can’t bring herself to consciously hate him. She knows she had no chance against him, there was no point at any time to waste energy being envious of him.
She does dream about taking his place. A world where Adrien Agreste does not exist and it is just Zoé Lee in his place. A Zoé who is perfect, one who is a shiny blonde instead of a dirty blonde, and is everything that Marinette could ever want. She would be the one holding Marinette’s hand and making her cheeks light up with pink. Marinette would stutter and flail around her and Zoé would be there to catch her and sweep her off her feet. She wakes from these dreams feeling hollow and unfulfilled. She always walks into school feeling guilty after these dreams and tries to avoid Marinette on those days.
Now, as she listens to Marinette’s awkward retelling of her day to the excited group of girls she notices that Marinette’s eyes seem to be a lighter shade of blue when she’s excited. She’ll keep noticing everything about her as long as she is allowed to.