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1
Yusaku would listen to Miyu for hours on end. His best friend's enthusiasm was infectious, like so many little flickers of warmth and energy that vibrated in the air and caressed his cheeks affectionately. After all, it was impossible not to feel even an ounce of happiness at that moment, given that Miyu and Jin were to be married in two weeks.
Yusaku had been following Miyu step by step in the wedding planning; it had been an intense but, at the same time, particularly beautiful few months, which had certainly brightened up the cold, short winter days. Now that spring had made its triumphant entrance into the Hall of Seasons, thus making the days warmer and more livable, there was no longer any reason to let sadness get in the way, at least according to Yusaku, who wished to support Miyu in every way.
After all, why would he ever be sad? Everything was going so well...
But it was Miyu's words that caused him to tumble into a recess of life that he naively thought he had moved on; a dreamy tone of voice and what must have been the news that Miyu was looking forward to telling him were the trigger that revived the primroses during the spring of ten years ago.
(«You know the streets of Den City are always so busy, but finally Jin and I decided to take a chance: before heading to the beach we will go to the city park and ask the photographer to take some pictures of us on the bridge where you can see the pond. After all, that's where we had our first kiss years ago, and… Yusaku, is everything all right?»)
He abruptly plunged back into reality, into that primrose-less and somewhat wasted present that over time he had tried to embellish as much as possible with all the pleasant moments he had spent with Miyu, Jin, and so many other friends he had met during his college days. But there was one in particular that when it decided to re-emerge among the dry foliage carried with it a melancholy fragrance, a sweet and distant effluvium given by the primroses that heralded the return of the beautiful season that Yusaku, despite everything, had never erased from his heart.
He and Miyu had one thing in common: they had both had their first kiss in the same, identical place, an insignificant speck in the universe that was, for them, priceless.
And in his heart, Yusaku knew, indeed, had always known: that the memory of Ryoken, his first, true
(and only)
love, would never leave him.
2
He managed to momentarily escape Miyu's apprehensive gaze thanks to the mumbling of the mocha that had become rather insistent.
«Oh, the coffee is ready,» he punctuated the obvious, getting up from his chair. He turned his back to Miyu and walked over to the stove, blessing maybe for the first time in his life that faulty mocha that always spit out a few drops of coffee if the stove was not turned off in time — by doing so, he could avoid eye contact with Miyu a little longer, since he would have to clean up first.
«Yusaku... did I say something wrong?» she asked, and from the tone of her voice she seemed genuinely concerned about what had happened. «You made a face...»
«Strange?» ventured Yusaku, sure that Miyu was about to say that word — or at most something similar.
«No... sad.»
With the mocha in his hand, Yusaku gasped, and the boiling object dribbled a few more drops of coffee onto the stovetop. He breathed deeply and, as he poured the hot drink into the two colored cups, tried to regain all his composure.
«Don't worry,» he said, setting the two steaming mugs down on a tray. He then took the sponge from the sink and removed the coffee stains with a simple wipe that gave him no time at all to ponder the next words, «I had an overreaction. Mine was just melancholy, that's all.»
«Instead, I do worry!» exclaimed Miyu, who had begun to fidget in her chair. «You know I'm there for anything. And I have a feeling you need to talk...»
And as he set the tray down on the table, Yusaku thought Miyu was exactly right: he had never told anyone about Ryoken, at least not in detail. Ryoken had always been a part of his life that had never tasted the light of day, because what they had experienced together ten years ago had not been just another relationship between two ordinary teenagers, it had been so much more and could have continued to be so much more if only their paths had not parted.
(And at that moment Yusaku could not help but wonder what would have happened if he had decided to follow Ryoken to America, although there was no point now in brooding over what had not been — but could have been.)
He looked Miyu in the eyes, those blue irises that always managed to instill tranquility in the beholder, and then nodded.
«Yes, I think it's time to talk about it.»
3
«You... waited for me for real.»
«Did you have doubts?»
«No, it's just...»
(It's not like everyone to wait for about an hour for someone to finish cleaning their classroom as if nothing had happened, isn't it?)
Yusaku did not ask explicitly, but he knew that Ryoken would surely answer him that it was no problem at all to wait all that time for him. He thought it was a really lovely gesture and felt flattered.
That day, after classes ended, he and Ryoken had intended to have lunch together and then go for a walk, but their whole plan had gone up in smoke the moment one of Yusaku's classmates had failed to show up at school due to a seasonal illness, and the class representative had asked him, of all people, to fill in for him during cleaning time. And since Yusaku had no intention of arguing over such a thing, though reluctantly he had agreed.
He had reported the inconvenience to Ryoken during the interval and the latter, fortunately, had not taken it badly, in fact, he had intended for him to spend those fifteen minutes together and for who knows what absurd reason they had ended up exchanging bentō and only later did Yusaku realize that they had spent whole minutes feeding each other and
(heavens!)
his cheeks had turned so hard and hot that in comparison the lava of an active volcano would have appeared colder than snow.
During those fifteen minutes, within the walls of his heart, the wonder of feeling so good next to someone, the desire for that moment to never end, and the desperate need to kiss Ryoken had also taken root. It did not happen, but in return Yusaku realized what it felt like to be in love.
And as they walked out of the school building together, he could not help but feel like the happiest person in the world.
4
When they arrived at the city park, they were greeted by the quietness and the candid scent of flowers. That place was a little piece of paradise, the beautiful green heart of one of the busiest and most chaotic cities in the whole of Japan; a speck compared to the vastness of the world that nevertheless had the great power to stop time for a while and allow each individual to find inner peace.
It was the place for long walks, for picnics in the shade of blossoming Sakura trees and for throwing icy water balloons at each other on torrid summer days. And it was also an extremely romantic place, perfect for declaring one's love to someone or exchanging the shy, first kiss away from prying eyes — that is, if one could find the right place.
Ryoken, it seemed, had found it: one had to walk a bit to reach it, but it was really worth it. They were standing on the bridge that spanned a pond in which, just then, two baby ducklings were hurrying to join their mother; all around, the lush foliage of the large trees almost prevented light from filtering through, but thanks to a few benevolent glimpses, long golden beams cast brightness and warmth wherever they could. The grass was cool, light green in color, and was embellished with hundreds
(no, thousands)
of fragrant and colorful flowers.
It almost seemed like a daydream, and for a moment Yusaku wondered if he was actually still at school, intent on cleaning the window panes of his classroom, and not just imagining that he was there with Ryoken in the perfect representation of what was his innermost desire.
It was Ryoken himself who made him realize that this was not a dream at all, but the purest and simplest reality: he gently placed his hands on Yusaku's hips and that touch was equivalent to the typical pinch on the cheek, only much more elegant and definitely more welcome.
Yusaku had no doubt about what was about to happen; yet, despite that knowledge, he could not stop his heart from beating much faster than usual and his legs from barely trembling. He lost himself in Ryoken's gaze, in that light blue sky he loved so much, and a shy smile curved his lips, a gesture the boy returned in turn.
«I'm glad to be here with you,» Ryoken said, and in that moment Yusaku understood that what was to happen next depended only on him, for Ryoken would not make his move until he received an answer.
(And what was the point of further dilating time at a time when one only wanted to get him as close to absolute zero as possible?)
«Me too,» he finally replied, feeling his heart leap — and never were sobs more beautiful. «I am happy to be here with you, too.»
Immediately after that, time stood still one more time. All Yusaku could perceive were Ryoken's lips pressed to his own and the sweet scent of honey hovering around them with grace and elegance.
(A concert of primroses rapturously witnessing that beautiful hymn to love).
5
It was their first kiss. The first of many that would make up the mosaic of their year together. Yusaku felt so inexperienced and awkward that he could not help but cling to Ryoken and be guided by him, by his soft lips and by his hands that continued to grip his hips without any malice.
They kissed for a time that seemed to last for hours, although they later found that only a few minutes had passed.
Before kissing him again, Ryoken looked into his eyes in a completely new way, even brighter and more special.
«I like you, Yusaku. I really like you.»
And in that instant the world might as well have begun to spin backwards and the universe crumple in on itself, which Yusaku would not have minded for a second. He stood up on his toes, brushing Ryoken's lips with his own.
«I really like you, too.»
And they kissed one more time.
6
«And then...?»
Yusaku looked up, once again meeting Miyu's blue eyes, dreamy and melancholy at the same time. The girl had the typical expression of someone who was yes listening to a good story, but with the somewhat bitter awareness that it would not end with a happy ending. And that was indeed the case.
«We were together one year,» Yusaku continued, and a sad smile curved his lips. «The best year of my life, I certainly cannot deny that. I was in my first year of high school, Ryoken, on the other hand, was already in his third year and would soon be enrolled in college. He was always an ambitious boy and I remember always admiring this side of his person, but... America was the perfect place for him, not for me. And what was I supposed to do? Stomp my feet on the ground and beg him not to go? To stay here in Den City with me? But you know,» and here he perked up a little, snorting with amusement, «Ryoken was also clear about our relationship. He… he wanted to carry it on, one way or another, only I… I was afraid. And that will forever remain my biggest regret.»
Silence fell between them. A silence that Yusaku tried to make less oppressive by bringing the cup containing the now lukewarm coffee to his lips.
«And then...?» asked Miyu again several minutes later. Despite the realization that hovered in her gaze, she seemed unwilling to accept such an ending.
«We lost sight of each other. In every sense,» Yusaku replied, a bitter note in his tone of voice as the taste of coffee still permeated on his tongue. He moved forward over the fact that for the past ten years Ryoken had always remained in his heart since Miyu had surely sensed it.
«Now I understand many things,» she said. «For as long as I have known you, I have always had the feeling that I was missing a piece of you. And I understand why you preferred to keep it in memories instead of shaping it with words. But tell me, Yusaku: do you really believe that it is over? That when you broke up ten years ago it was a final breakup? Because it doesn't feel like it to me. Seriously, I can't believe it ended like that.»
«We haven't looked for each other all this time, Miyu. And after so many years I wouldn't even know what to say or do… I don't even know if he still lives in America or if he's back in Japan. Maybe he's somewhere else now...»
(And maybe now his heart beats for another person. Just the thought of it devastated him.)
As if Miyu had read his mind, she stood up and walked over to him, leaning down a little and then hugging him tightly.
Yusaku was so overwhelmed by the lovingness of that gesture, which contained within it the meaning of a thousand different words, that a small sob escaped from his mouth and then another and then another, until it became an at times unmanageable heap. The lump in his throat at one point became cumbersome, but Yusaku felt that once he got over that, he would feel much freer and lighter.
Miyu's arms held him even tighter, her long light brown hair tickled a tear-dampened cheek, and her perfume had a soothing, maternal undertone.
«Thank you for telling me about this, Yusaku. Everything will be all right, you'll see.»
And Yusaku did not question why Miyu, in saying this, seemed so sure of her words. He simply decided to rely on her and that was all.
7
The great day had finally arrived, and if Yusaku had to describe Miyu with a single adjective, he would surely have chosen enchanting: Miyu was enchanting in her A-line wedding dress, in her semi-curled hairstyle with a crown of rosy-hued flowers, in her blue eyes as bright as a velvety summer sky filled with stars, and in her smile that expressed so much happiness that it was impossible to quantify.
On the other hand, Jin was so excited that he had risked fainting at least three times — and these only during Miyu's wait before the ceremony began.
As best man to the bride, Yusaku had always stood by her side, albeit discreetly. And maybe that was why he noticed how Miyu, once the ceremony was over, had become... circumspect? On more than one occasion, when he had noticed her looking up among the guests, he had not missed the frowning appearance that always rippled the beautiful features of her face.
Could it be that some guests would only attend the reception, and she wanted to make sure they were there? Strange, Miyu hadn't said anything to him about it, but after all, every wedding always presented some unforeseen event... he just hoped that this wouldn't negatively affect her best friend's good mood.
«Jin and I have to go now,» Miyu told him, hugging him tightly. «With any luck, we should reach the city park within twenty minutes… let's keep our fingers crossed!»
«Yeah,» agreed Yusaku, returning the hug. «Look, Miyu... it's been since before—»
«It will be okay, Yusaku.»
And never more than at that moment did Miyu's tone of voice caress his eardrums firmly and, at the same time, with a hint of relief, as if the one she had begun to look for with her eyes once the ceremony was over had finally arrived. And indeed they had, for Miyu loosened their embrace and with a nod invited him to turn around to find out who was approaching them.
And when Yusaku saw him, it was like admiring the sun again after years spent wandering in a dense, dark forest. The impact was devastating but, at the same time, wonderful, and deep in his heart he felt that he understood the emotions Jin felt at the sight of Miyu walking down the aisle while holding her bouquet of white roses in her hands — the wondering gaze, the heart beating swiftly (a billion palpitations overlapping one another), the parched throat; the realization that the person you love is advancing toward you and thinking only one thing: I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
Because that was the effect Ryoken had on him. Ryoken, his first, only, true love, who at that moment, swaddled in an elegant blue matching suit very similar to the one Yusaku wore — as if they were aiming for the same items of clothing involuntarily reading each other's minds — was getting closer and closer, shortening a distance both physical and emotional that had lasted ten years.
Yusaku's brain went haywire. He turned sharply, in the direction of Miyu, who had already moved a few steps away
(and as Miyu walked away, Ryoken continued to approach slowly)
and saw her smiling with a rather pronounced hint of satisfaction in the curvature of her lips.
«My part is done. Now it's your turn.»
Yusaku did not have time to ask her how she had done her part — how she had physically brought Ryoken there — that Miyu ran into Jin's arms, ready to head to the city park, the first stop for the photo shoot.
All the guests, in the meantime, were gathering around a lovely gazebo set up near the church where there were light refreshments, waiting to travel later to the villa where the reception would be held. And Yusaku, at that moment, would have appreciated a drink to quench his thirst, even two if possible, maybe with a considerable alcohol content so that he could let himself go properly... but no, there was no point in trying to shy away from a confrontation with Ryoken.
Although, to be fair, his arrival had been so unexpected that although ten years had passed, Yusaku feared he was not yet ready.
He swallowed hard, then turned again, this time in the direction of Ryoken, who was now only a few steps away from him
(if Yusaku had extended his arm even slightly, he would surely have been able to rest his hand on Ryoken's broad chest and feel Ryoken's heart beating placidly in his rib cage).
Ryoken was as handsome as he had been ten years ago. In fact, he was even more beautiful, as if those ten years had passed differently for him — it was an eternal beauty, his, that endured through time and never faded.
And there he was, in front of him. And then Yusaku realized and his heart leapt: Ryoken was there for him.
8
«Ryoken...»
«Yusaku.»
«Long time...»
He felt a little silly uttering such a matter-of-fact phrase, but at that moment it was as if he had partially lost the proper use of the word.
Fortunately, Ryoken decided not to beat around the bush and get straight to the point: «I guess you're wondering what I'm doing here,» he said in fact, as he pulled the phone out of his pants pocket and unlocked the screen.
«As a matter of fact, yes,» Yusaku replied, and when Ryoken handed him the phone, he found himself reading an e-mail… and all he had to do was identify the sender to feel the ground crumble under his feet, causing him to lose his balance.
From: [email protected]
Subject: Something very important
Hello,
I'd like to introduce myself: my name is Miyu Sugisaki and I'm getting married in two weeks.
Even though we don't know each other in person and even though it's at the last minute, I would like to invite you to my wedding — attached you will find the location on Maps for both the ceremony and reception locations.
This is because my best man at my wedding will be my best friend, which is Yusaku, and I think just reading that name alone has given you the full picture.
I don't know where you are now, whether you are still in America or somewhere else in the world, but I know where Yusaku is, and he is here, at home. Yusaku is here and I can assure you that a person like him you will not find anywhere else, especially after what you experienced together ten years ago.
He told me all about you and trust me, it was almost a shock because he hid it from me for years on end!
But from the way he told me about you, I can tell you for sure that he never forgot you, and maybe you will take me for crazy or pushy (this may be, since I wrote you an e-mail without even knowing you), but I don't think you ever forgot him either.
Then who knows, maybe by now you'll be married, complete with offspring in tow, and you'll take apart any of my speculation and it'll still be okay, I'll take all kinds of responsibility for every word I wrote to you, but if you're still thinking about Yusaku instead, if you still have feelings for him... come back. Come back and give yourself a second chance.
Obviously I am no one to impose anything on you, but I still invite you to think about it, okay?
And sorry for writing you on your work e-mail, but it was the only way I had to contact you!
I hope to see you at my wedding.
Miyu
Yusaku returned the phone to Ryoken without having the courage to look up at him. Miyu's words had struck him to the core, and he now did not know how to react or how to show himself to Ryoken without breaking down.
He was not ready, not at all, and maybe never would be. But he was also so happy to be there, at that moment, just a few steps away from the person he had never stopped loving....
«Ryoken...» he called to him in a somewhat hesitant voice, keeping his gaze low.
«Your best friend is an angel.»
Something exploded in Yusaku's heart. Something that finally led him to look up and lose himself in Ryoken's beautiful light blue eyes. And then he lost himself in his smile, then again in his eyes, then once more in his smile and realized how excited Ryoken was: his eyes were shining and his lips were barely trembling, eager to say something important.
«Do you think there is more to add beyond what Miyu wrote, or can I hug you as hard as I can?»
There were actually so many things Yusaku wanted to talk about — so many things he wanted to ask Ryoken — but at the end of the day, at that very moment, could words really have filled the void that still existed between them?
Absolutely not.
But a hug… that could.
Absolutely yes.
And when they embraced, they felt that they had won, that everything would be all right; that the distance that had separated them for ten years was gone, replaced by the sweet scent of a new beginning together. Ryoken was indeed hugging him as hard as he could, but it did not hurt him; in fact, it was all Yusaku needed.
They remained anchored in each other's arms for endless minutes finding each other, rediscovering each other, and falling in love one more time. And only when they felt they had reconnected all the threads that united their souls did they decide to break away.
Ryoken was about to bridge the distance between them again, this time with a kiss, and though reluctantly, Yusaku had to stop him. He had a question to ask him, and he could not move forward without first receiving a comprehensive answer on the matter.
«What about your job?» he asked in fact, with a tinge of apprehension that was reflected in his gaze and vibrated through his vocal cords. The fact that Ryoken had returned filled his heart with so much joy that he could have easily competed with Miyu and Jin over who was having the best day of their lives, but if Ryoken had decided to return to him at the expense of his career, he would never have forgiven himself.
Ryoken smiled and placed a hand on his slightly flushed cheek. «SOL Technologies has opened a branch here in Japan,» he explained. «I will continue to work on the development and refinement of virtual reality, as I have always done for the past few years... only, from now on, I will be at home.»
He hesitated for a moment, then admitted: «Before I received Miyu's e-mail, I spent some time pondering whether or not to request a transfer. This was because the idea of going home made me happy, yes, but what would I do if you… if you didn't want to see me again? I was afraid, I can't deny it... because the only reason I would come back was and is you, Yusaku, but the fear of having lost you forever already ten years ago gave me no respite. Then I received the e-mail from Miyu and in an instant my whole world turned upside down in the most beautiful way possible. I felt so happy, so heartened... sorry I came back just now, Yusaku. I missed you so much.»
Yusaku rested his hand on Ryoken's, squeezing it lovingly.
«Ryoken, I was scared, too. When I told you I wasn't going to America with you I felt lost, because deep down I knew that things between us would never be the same again. But you unlike me still wanted to try to move forward together with me, to not give up on our story... and I was afraid even then.»
He closed his eyes and let the melancholy of those ten years without his beloved slowly fade away, blown away by the spring wind.
«Ryoken...» he called to him, still with his eyes closed. «Do you also think what I think?»
«That maybe ten years ago we weren't ready yet?»
«Exactly.»
«And now, Yusaku?»
He opened his eyes again and smiled. «Now we are here, together, and if you don't kiss me within five seconds I—»
Ryoken did not give him time to finish the sentence: he placed his lips on his, joining them in their second first kiss.
It was as if, suddenly, a thousand primroses had bloomed around them. And it was as if they had returned to the city park, to the same spot where, at that moment, Jin and Miyu were the undisputed protagonists caught by camera lenses.
They relived what had bound them ten years ago amplified billions and billions of times over, and they hugged each other tightly, holding each other with the intention of never separating again.
They looked at each other, longed for each other, loved each other in a thousand different ways, and then Ryoken declared his feelings to him, and those were the words Yusaku had been waiting for all his life.
«I love you, Yusaku. I love you very much.»
«I love you very much, too.»
And the primroses sighed happily.