Chapter Text
“Hyunniee, did you see that edit I sent you?!” Felix spoke busting through the door, with a large grin. “They’re buying it.” He continues with a laugh, sitting down beside Hyunjin. Hyunjin laughed grabbing onto Felix. “This was amazing” he looks at Felix.. “Chans gonna be mad though.” His voice dropped, a little worried because last time this happened.. Hyunjin went to far and was sent on hiatus..(but they couldn’t tell the stays that was the reason why..)
Felix grabbed hyunjins Hands.. “its just an edit..—” he lifts up hyunjins hands and kisses them. “Plus Chan promised he wouldn’t do that to you again..” Hyunjin looks into Felix’s eyes..
I hope not.. not being by your side was the worst feeling..
Chan opened the door finding Felix’s head laying in hyunjins lap and seeing them both on TikTok.. “you guys need to stop this, its gone on to long.” Felix jolts up and looks over to chan. “We haven’t done anything though.” He spoke a little confused. Chan let out a large sigh and pulled his phone out, while he was scrolling through his phone Hyunjin looked over at the worry on Felix’s face..
Hyunjin was gonna to grab his hand but then chan reviled a picture of Felix and Hyunjin’s hands showing the ‘couple rings’ they got and posted to bubble. “Then what’s this?” He questioned, clearly not in the mood for their bullshit lies this time. “When is it gonna stop, you guys are going to far. There’s already dating rumors about you two.. more then lee know and han.. and they are actually dating..” Chan just Stands there waiting for an answer.
“I.. it was all my idea..” Hyunjin softly spoke up..being afraid to make eye contact with chan and Felix he keeps his head down..
Once again.. saving you
“I bought the rings.. and I posted the picture to bubble first..” He glances over to Felix not really noticing his facial expressions changing.. though hyunjin wasn’t lying ; he did buy the rings, but he wanted it to be special .. and Felix is the one who posted..
Chan looks over at Felix and back to hyunjin.. “well this needs to end now, so figure it out.”
“-but if we just stop..stays will notice somethings up.” Felix cut in.
Chan was on his way out but turned back to face Felix, “notice the bullshit you both created.” Then he left them alone, with they’re minds.. worrying and figuring out what to do.
Felix gets up and heads over to flop on to his bed, laying on his back he pulling his phone back out. “It meant nothing anyways, so lets stop fucking with them. I don’t wanna get in trouble.”
Meant.. nothing?.. Of course.. im just as delusional as stays, for a moment I thought.
Just Maybe it was something more then ..your silly joke.
Hyunjins head drops into hands as he tries to gather himself, unable to just drop the feelings..the real feelings he had for Felix..and having the hard truth smack him in the face that it was all one-sided..
His was for entertainment
Mine was real..
Felix’s eyes and attention glued to all the twitter and TikTok comments about him and hyunjin, not realizing hyunjin crying silently two feet away, but by the time Felix turned around to show hyunjin another edit, he was out of the room..
‘Mm, I’ll send it to him.”
***
Hyunjin made his way to one of the bathrooms and just sat on the floor, his face was splotchy and his eyes was puffy from crying, at this point he didn’t feel anything.. he just stared at the tub..
Not being able to allow any thoughts in but those words
“Meant NOTHING..” The only thought that keeps replaying, then once more he allowed the tears to gather in his vision, out of stress and anxiety he starts scratching at his arm, and his breathing gets shaky.
“I..lo..loved..yo..you” was the only words that could make it out of his mouth before completely breaking down..
Ding
A notification came trough on his phone, though he was in the worst state he still checked it and seen it was from Felix ..
2 Notification from my little sunshine
He opened it just to fine another TikTok edit of them two with him say : I can’t believe they though we were real lol
Hyunjin refused to watch the video.. just seeing what Felix typed ruined everything, he became so angry he threw his phone across the bathroom, hitting the wall, loud enough to get the attention of some of the other members.
Not even understanding why his tears kept falling even though he felt so emotionless in this moment.
“Is everything okay!?” Chan yelled to the door then began to beat on it. Some of the other members gathered around .. but not Felix..
Felix was still looking at his phone.
Hyunjin didn’t care about them yelling and banging on the door he laid down and just looked at the ceiling, hoping ..praying something could end his pain.
If I could just disappear..
Have my memories erased..
Sent home..
Dead..
Would I still feel these emotions ?
Why does it hurt so much ..
I don’t want to die.. but I don’t wanna be on the same planet as him
As hyunjin lays there on the floor tears falling, and his thoughts running in hyper speed.. the members trying to get in to figure out what’s wrong.
yet he still wishes just maybe this is a sick joke.. and Felix is gonna come in and apologize..
And tell him he actually loves him..
But in reality, that won’t happen, because this wasn’t a bad dream.. this was real.
And he has to live with that.
I wish I never met you..
I wish when you got eliminated that day you didn’t come back..maybe then I wouldn’t have fallen for you.
***
7 months later
To this day hyunjin never told Felix he had feelings for him, he just slowly became more and more distant. The other members just assumed they had a fight that day, and Felix thought hyunjin was just in a mood..
Sadly hyunjin just suffered in silence..and all alone. Since that day the vibrant colors seen from Felix just turned grey, and the world became dull..
He once was my happiness.. but nothing truly last forever..
Or how ever that quote goes.. all I know is I truly loved him. And in the end I let what I love go..in hopes of one day it will return, and become my home once more. - Hyunjin