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Lauren opened her eyes slowly, and with some effort, feeling like her eyelids were unusually weighed down. Her vision was blurry, but she didn’t need to see clearly to know she was looking up at the same dirty ceiling she’d been staring at for days. Or had it been weeks? Lauren sighed and rolled onto her side, the chains that bound her feet clanking with the motion. Her joints were aching, and her skin felt like it burned wherever it pressed against the cold stone floor. She blinked her eyes hard to clear her sight and licked her chapped lips. She was given bread and water every so often; her captors were doing the bare minimum to keep her alive. Sometimes they knocked her around. They took photographs, too. It didn’t take her too long to surmise why they needed proof that she was still breathing. Or rather, who they needed to prove it to.
Kieran…
Her head was pounding now. Had his fears come to fruition? On the bridge that night, he had been exceedingly honest with her about the danger they were in. They will come after you. She had spent days agonizing over those words. It will work, he had said, and so adamantly at that. No hesitation. Lauren had replayed this conversation in her mind too many times to count during her confinement. Had he been given orders? Who I am fooling, she thought. Of course he had. How many people had he been forced to kill while she wilted in this cell? She had been too prideful in believing that she could outmaneuver the Phantom Scythe. And now, well…she might be locked away, but the ache in her heart whispered that he was the one truly suffering. And she was the guilty party.
I should have known better. I should have—
A thundering rumble snapped her out of her thoughts. Lauren whipped her head up, eyes frantically searching the environment for its source. She couldn’t help the images that tumbled into her mind, barreling into her waking vision unbidden. The blazing rubble, devouring everything around it; her friends lying motionless, blood seeping out from beneath their lifeless bodies. No, Lauren pleaded in her mind. No, not again, not here. Lauren cupped her hands over her ears and squeezed her eyes shut. The noise now muffled, Lauren forced herself to visualize happier moments. Dancing and laughing with Kym. Training with Will. Seeing Kieran smile. Seeing Kieran smile at her. When Lauren opened her eyes, they cast over her cell again, and only that. She breathed a sigh of relief, then stilled herself to listen. Straining her ears, she realized the thunder she heard wasn’t an explosion at all, but rather the cacophony of footsteps crashing against the concrete, raised voices echoing down the chamber and doors slamming shut. Lauren’s eyes widened as she pushed herself off the ground, stumbling over to the cell gate as quickly as she could manage, considering the chains around her ankles. There was too much noise—so many voices coming from all different directions. Focus, Lauren. She pressed the side of her head against the gate.
“.....ambush…evacuate the area…”
Lauren gripped the cell bars so hard her knuckles whitened. An ambush. APD? Or…?
“…the prisoners…..kill them first…”
Oh, fuck. Fuck. Ok, ok, don’t panic Lauren. Take advantage of the chaos.
Lauren felt her mind clear of all other thoughts as she focused on this singular objective. Get out. Get. Out. The pain in her abdomen, the throbbing headache, her unsteady limbs—it all slipped away, buried down underneath her determination. For a few moments, all she could hear was the rushing of blood in her ears as her adrenaline surged. Then, the distinct sound of boots stomping down the hall grew louder. But not a rumble; just one set of footsteps. Lauren released her chokehold on the bars and quickly flattened herself against the cell wall. Her mind whirred through the possibilities. Could she grab them through the bars as they passed her? A good knock against the bars might stun them long enough for her to grab the keys. If they even had keys on them. Shit. Here goes nothing.
Kieran held his sword out at his side, blood running in rivulets down the blade. The two men he’d just disposed of lay crumpled at his feet. They weren’t the only ones he’d killed this night, but it didn’t matter. Kieran shifted his hard gaze down the long hall. The only thing that matters is her. He’d already searched a good portion of the compound, but he still hadn’t found her.
What if she’s not here? What if she’s—
Kieran’s jaw clenched as he stopped himself from finishing that thought. He couldn’t fall apart now. Not yet. He cursed under his breath as he stooped down and searched the bodies for keys. He could hear voices and footsteps overhead. If they were sane, they would be fleeing. Anyone foolish enough to try to face the Purple Hyacinth in combat would meet a swift death. He wouldn’t hesitate to slaughter them all. His eyes threatened to blank, but he shook his head, loosening the dark thoughts. There was no time to waste. His fingers closed around metal and he yanked his hand upwards as he stood. With one fist tightening its grip on the hilt of his sword, and the other hand clasping the keys like a lifeline, he set off down the hall. As he neared its end, he could see bars entering his field of vision. There are more cells here. His heartbeat picked up its pace. He didn’t dare hope. Or did he? Lauren, please be here. Please be alright. As he passed the stone walls and emerged next to the cell bars, a hand shot out in front of him, gripping the front of his shirt. Kieran’s eyes widened in surprise. He had been caught slightly off guard, his head clouded with the idea that he might be close to finding his partner, but it didn’t take him long to register that someone was attacking him. The hand tried to jerk him against the cell bars, but he was quicker. He braced his foot against the bars and moved his right arm in an upwards motion to break the hold on him. However, he stopped short when he made eye contact with his assailant. Golden eyes stared back at him. The same eyes that stopped him in his tracks that night in the alley, when he’d first been caught by an officer of the law. The eyes that grew to look at him with kindness, even knowing everything he had done, what he was. The eyes he had been desperately hoping would shine on him once more. Kieran’s arm fell, and he felt the grip on his shirt slacken. His heart was pounding in his chest now, to the beat of her name.
“Lauren?”
“Kieran?” Lauren found herself staring into a pair of azure eyes she knew very well, whirlpools drawing her into their depths. She almost didn’t believe it. Am I hallucinating? It wasn’t impossible, given her current state. But she felt his damp shirt under her palm and smelled the sweat that dripped down his brow. No, this was real. He was really here. He really came for me. Kieran’s astonished expression softened, and his lips curled up into a smirk as he held up the key ring and jangled it.
“Let’s get you out of here, love.”
Lauren nodded and released her hold on him, arm shaking. Kieran quickly made his way to her cell door. Lauren stared at him, vaguely aware of his motions as he tried different keys in the lock. Her gaze fell upon his black shirt, darkened with what she could only assume was not merely water. A glance down at her trembling hand confirmed her suspicions, when she saw her own fingertips tinted red. Her eyes settled on his sword next. He was still holding it in one hand while working the lock with the other. It, too, was stained. Her throat felt tight. The clunk of the lock rang out, and then the cell door swung open. Kieran quickly moved inside but paused a few steps away from her. They locked eyes again, both freezing for a moment as they seemed to contemplate each other carefully. And then she was moving, stumbling into Kieran’s arms. His sword clattered to the ground as he enveloped her, pressing her head tightly against his chest with one hand and holding her back with the other. She wrapped her own arms around his back, clutching the fabric pf his shirt tightly. Her knees buckled, but Kieran supported her weight as he eased them to a kneeling position. They slowly and simultaneously leaned towards each other until their foreheads met. They stayed like that for a moment, with eyes closed and lips silent, just indulging in each other’s presence. Lauren could feel his breath fanning her face, and its warming sensation radiated throughout her body, like life was flowing back into her. Her grip on his shirt relaxed, and he pulled away slightly to look her in the eye.
“I’m so glad you’re alright,” he murmured. “Gods, I was so worried. Lauren, I…” As he trailed off, Lauren considered the tender expression he wore, and she wondered what her own face revealed to him. Could he see how thankful she was? No, thankful doesn’t even come close to describing it. Stop fooling yourself, Lauren. The hand that had been holding the back of her head slipped around to her face, and she felt his thumb brush gently against her cheekbone. Lauren could feel the tears welling up, a dam ready to break. She blinked furiously. She had to be strong. For herself, and for him.
“Kieran,” she whispered, when she felt the tears were under control. “I knew you’d come.” They stared at each other for another beat. Lauren was starved and dehydrated, but as she drank in his gaze, she no longer felt parched. She slid her hands from his back, wanting to touch his face too, but the motion seemed to pull Kieran back to their present situation. He blinked several times and then raised himself to his feet, holding Lauren’s hands and tugging her up with him. His eyes swept over her figure, settling on the chains binding her feet. He quickly bent down and unlocked them, then grabbed his sword and sheathed it. Her ankles felt light, naked almost, without the added weight. She tested her right foot, placing pressure on it. Pain shot up her leg and she winced. She could push through it, but how fast would she really be able to move? There were sure to be more phantoms coming. “Kieran, I don’t think I can run.” He nodded in understanding, and before she could say another word, she was swept off her feet. One arm pressed against her back and the other looped under her legs.
“Please don’t headbutt me this time,” he taunted with a cock of his head and the raise of an eyebrow. “I’d rather not have to carry you across the city with a splitting headache.” Lauren rolled her eyes with a small smile, wishing she had the energy to add a witty retort. Exhaustion was settling in now that some of the adrenaline was wearing off. She felt her eyelids growing heavy. Not yet. We’re not safe yet. She wrapped her arms around his neck and leaned her head against his chest as he started sprinting back down the hallway. His heart was beating fast. Surely because he was running. But that didn’t explain why her own heart was also thudding at a frenetic pace.
Kieran willed his legs to move faster, even though he was already flying so fast the walls around them blurred. They were almost out of the compound, and they hadn’t run into anyone else. Kieran wanted to say it was a blessing, but he knew it wasn’t. It was his reputation, his acts of violence, that cleared a way for them. He wasn’t about to complain, but he did feel a twinge in his chest at the thought. He glanced down at Lauren. She had fought valiantly, but eventually her eyes had fallen shut. Just sleeping, thank the Gods. Kieran frowned as he recalled that this was the same woman who literally dragged him out of a burning building while she was bleeding out from a gunshot wound. He couldn’t imagine what she had gone through to be so thoroughly spent. I caused this. He grimaced. Focus, Kieran. Just get her to safety first. He pushed questions of how long he could actually keep her safe out of his mind and narrowed in on the task at hand.
They were out of the compound now, darting between shadows and creeping quietly down corridors. He crouched down behind a corner as he heard footsteps approach. The underworld was relatively empty, thanks to the APD’s diversion, but he still had to be on guard. When word got out that Lauren was missing, Kym had cornered him in the archives. He wasn’t surprised that she knew he was the other half of Lune, despite neither him nor Lauren confirming her suspicions after the glass factory explosion. But he was startled when Kym announced that she was going to help Kieran find Lauren. Kieran chuckled under his breath. Announced, because it was a command. It wasn’t a request I could turn down. He hadn’t expected their help, but he was grateful for it. Although he didn’t want to put them in any danger, he also knew he couldn’t do this alone. And they persisted. Quite relentlessly, actually. So they came up with a plan. The APD would attack five Scythe hideouts, including the Grim Goblin, while Kieran searched a few probable locations for his partner. The APD had never before dared set foot in the seedier parts of Scythe territory, and the Phantoms were rallying to defend their turf. He almost couldn’t believe it was actually working. Kieran just hoped that Lauren’s friends were being cautious. He had given them as much information as possible about the haunts they were raiding—all the hidden weapon stores, the secret tunnels, entrances and exits. He hoped it would be enough to guarantee their safety. It had to be.
A building no more than ten minutes away would lead them back to the streets of Ardhalis. They just had to be careful a little while longer. Although he missed the banter they usually shared when escaping a life or death situation, he was glad Lauren was sleeping. She’d been through enough. It was better for her to sleep than deal with the anxiety of making it home. Home. Ha. Kieran clucked his tongue and adjusted his grip as he started moving again. He couldn’t take Lauren to her own home, not where the Phantom Scythe would most certainly snatch her up again. Nor could they go to his apartment. With both locations exposed to their enemies, there was only one place left to go. His steps felt heavier suddenly, mimicking the weight in his chest. How long could he really keep her safe? What would they do—hide out in the cave until the Phantom Scythe was abolished? Ridiculous. By all rights, she shouldn’t even be near him. He should have tried harder to break off their deal. Before he involved her in the order to kill Neyra. Before the Devil’s Den. If he was being honest with himself, he should have let her go far earlier than even that. But…
His gaze flitted down to her. Her grip on him had loosened, arms falling to her sides as she had lost consciousness. Her lips were parted and she drew steady breaths. Her head fell back over his arm that was now gripping her shoulders, red hair dashing graceful lines where it splayed across her face. He didn’t dare glance down at her body pressed against him, which he knew would be tainted red from something far more sinister. All I do is mar her beauty. Which is why…this can’t go on.
Lauren stirred to the sound of bandages ripping and tools clanging. She felt something padded underneath her. She was laying on something soft. But the last thing she remembered was being in Kieran’s arms. Shit, where am I? Is he…? With some effort, she cracked open her eyes and saw Kieran hovering over her, dabbing her legs with some kind of ointment. She let out the breath she hadn’t realized she had been holding. He’s still here with me. His turquoise eyes were shining with worry and his brows sloped downward, causing the skin between them to crease. He hadn’t yet noticed she had awoken, his focus entirely on her wounds. She lifted a hand and placed it on his arm, causing him to snap his eyes over to hers with a start.
“I’m alright, Kieran,” she said softly, knowing what was troubling him without even needing to ask. His eyes drifted away from hers and towards the hand resting on his arms. He frowned, undoubtedly because he spotted the burns left on her skin, a raw reminder that her wrists had been sometimes bound with rope when her captors were in a particularly nasty mood. “I’ll heal.”
“I know,” he responded, a tinge of sadness in his voice. “It could have been so much worse.” Lauren nodded, her lips tightening as she considered the implications of that statement. Kieran looked away as he pulled his arm out of her reach. “It shouldn’t have come to this,” he said, his voice low and closer to a whisper.
“I knew the risk,” Lauren replied, her brows furrowing. She feared he was going to try to withdraw again, but she would make it clear to him that she didn’t blame him at all for the situation they were in. She slowly sat up, becoming more aware of her surroundings as her mind shook off the fog of sleep. She was in the cave; more specifically, laying on the bed. The first aid kit was opened next to her, and many of the gashes and bruises tarnishing her skin had already been patched up. She turned her attention back to Kieran, who was sitting next to her but still looking away. “When we agreed to work together, I knew what I was getting myself into. And even more recently, after we faked Neyra’s death, you…you made it clear that something like this could happen.” It will work. Lauren grimaced. What horrors did he have to go through while she was gone? Would he tell her if she asked? Should she even ask, or would that essentially be driving a knife further into his embattled psyche?
She did find herself wanting to know, though. Not because she was afraid of what he had done. She knew enough about him by now to know that this was never a life he would have chosen. They had moved beyond the time when she would have judged him for those actions. No, she wanted to know because she wanted to comfort him. To take everything that tormented him on herself, and relieve some of that burden from his shoulders.
“Exactly,” said Kieran, tearing Lauren out of her thoughts. He squeezed his fingers into fists at his side as he continued. “I knew this could happen, would happen, and yet I didn’t stop it.” Lauren tilted her head to the side and frowned.
“Kieran, how could you have stopped it? We were both doing our best to hide and—”
“I’m not talking about stopping the abduction,” Kieran said firmly, his gaze returning to Lauren. She gave hers right back, and for a moment no one spoke a word as they simply stared determinedly into each other’s eyes. Her mind was reeling. If he wasn’t talking about stopping her kidnappers, what the hell was he talking about? She couldn’t make sense of it, so she broke the silence to ask.
“What—”
But she didn’t even get the question out before he interrupted. “When you’re in the Phantom Scythe, you don’t give them a weakness to prey on. I knew that, and yet, I couldn’t help…” Kieran trailed off, his expression softening.
“Help what?” Lauren spoke on an exhale, the words escaping her and floating in the air between them. Kieran didn’t answer. He still met her eyes, but she found she could no longer read his blank expression. I know that face. He’s hiding something.
“We’ll talk about it later. I’ll go fetch you a clean change of clothes,” he said, the bed shifting underneath her as his weight left it. He started walking away, and before she even realized what she was doing Lauren was moving. Although she stepped with her injured ankle, she didn’t feel the pain—whether that was because Kieran had wrapped it or because she had another purpose on her mind, she couldn’t say. After a few quick strides, her fingers closed around his wrist, and he looked back at her in surprise.
“Don’t do this,” she asserted. Then, more softly, “Please tell me what you were going to say. I deserve the truth, don’t I? After everything?”
Kieran’s eyes widened in surprise, then one corner of his mouth quirked up. But even though his lips were upturned, his brows were knitted together, and she could read the remorse in his eyes even as he turned his attention downwards. Avoiding the question. Avoiding me.
“You deserve that and more,” Kieran said quietly. “Which is why this partnership should have ended long ago.”
Kieran didn’t want to look into her eyes. He knew what he would find there. He’d tried once before to end their partnership, and she had stubbornly rejected it. Although, with what she just went through…maybe she would finally understand why she’s better off without me. He dared to shift his eyes to hers and immediately regretted it. She was looking at him with her face twisted in confusion, but her eyes—they were full of fire. Great.
“Kieran, you just saved me from a fucking prison cell. You—” Lauren’s hands moved upward, gripping the sides of her head in frustration, her voice getting louder. “I would still be chained if it wasn’t for you!”
“You wouldn’t have been chained at all if it wasn’t for me!” Kieran shouted back. He could feel his pulse bounding. How could she still be thankful for him? He was selfish. He let her get too close, and she paid the price. He was angry at himself for letting it get this far, and even a little cross with her for stubbornly sticking to their deal at the expense of her own safety. He looked at her fiercely, matching her energy. “Don’t you get it?! Being this close to me is practically a death sentence. Gods, Lauren, I know we made a deal, and trust me when I say I understand how badly you want to take down the Leader. But being around me will only bring you more misery.” Lauren didn’t speak, but her eyes locked onto him and her mouth pressed into a firm line. She wasn’t going to back down. He scoffed. Part of him wanted to stay angry, to scare her so she would leave and stay far away from him. But Lauren Sinclair wasn’t one to back away from a challenge. He felt his rage withering as the fire in her eyes devoured the air it had been feeding on. Kieran sighed. I really can’t do anything right, can I?
“Listen, Lauren,” he said, softer now. “I’m just trying to protect you. The last time the Phantom Scythe held someone over my head…” He looked up at the ceiling, blinking back tears. “Anyone I’ve ever truly cared for is gone. Except you,” he choked out. “And you almost were—” He couldn’t bear to finish the sentence. He didn’t even want to think about what he might have found in that prison if he had been too late, let alone speak it out loud. Every few days, a photograph slipped under his door, tormenting him with the possibility that the next envelope he opened would reveal something even worse. Kieran gritted his teeth and squeezed his eyes shut, wishing he could make the ruinous thoughts go away as easily as his sight. I was a fool to think even for a second that I could ever have someone like her in my life. When Kieran opened his eyes again, he found Lauren staring at the ground with glazed eyes. The dim light in the cave cast shadows on her face. When she blinked and refocused on him, he found he couldn’t read her pensive expression.
“I’m sorry for what you’ve lost in the past,” Lauren started. She spoke slowly and plainly, her balled fists the only indication that she too was experiencing some inner turmoil. “I can’t even fathom what you’ve been through. I feel like I only had a small glimpse of what they can do…what they have done.” Kieran flinched as memories flitted through his mind, images flashing swiftly like someone thumbing the pages of a book. Beatings upon beatings. His cellmate lying on the floor, gasping for breath. Blood spraying, warm on his face, as he stabbed someone for the first time—and not the last. “But this, what happened to me,” Lauren continued, shaking him out of his memories. “It is not your fault.” She was looking at him earnestly, firmly, and he bit back a bitter laugh. Too bad she can’t hear lies in her own words.
“I mean it, Kieran.” She moved closer to him and gently took his hand in hers, brushing a finger hesitatingly over his knuckles. Kieran froze. Her touch was warm and comforting. Too comforting. More than I warrant. Lauren glanced up at him with a furrowed brow. “I…I feel responsible, too. For…well, you know.” Kieran stared at her, his mind reeling, trying to comprehend how she could possibly think she held any blame for the situation they were in.
Lauren stood quietly for a few seconds, her fingers gently hooked around his. He felt responsible for what happened, but all he had ever done was care for her. She was the one who let it happen. She hadn’t taken enough precautions, had still been trying to keep up with the action. Then, of course, there was what happened after she was chased into that warehouse. The visage of her childhood friend, twisted by her guilty subconscious into an infernal tormentor, taunting her cowardice. The possibility that Kieran could provide her some information about Dylan had been staring her in the face, but she hadn’t been able to face it. She still couldn’t. I’m truly pathetic. Her chest tightened.
“I promised you I would stay safe,” she continued finally. “I knew how scared you were about what they might do, what they might make you do if they got me.” Lauren shut her eyes to stop tears from forming. “I should have gotten away that night, but I…I lost myself to my fears. I panicked. I…” Lauren’s words drifted off as she inhaled deeply and let out a shuddering exhale. She felt Kieran’s hand turn in hers, and then his grip tightened around her fingers. She matched the gesture with her own and opened her eyes again, their hands clasped together giving her the strength to continue. “I should have kept moving, kept fighting, but I was paralyzed by my own damn mind. So I was taken. I don’t know what they made you do, but I’m sorry. I’m sorry you had to follow their orders again because of me.”
Kieran’s eyes flashed as he used his grip on Lauren to pull her even closer. They breathed the same air, and Lauren felt like she was melting under his gaze.
“Come on, detective. You should know better than to blame yourself,” Kieran said coldly. “I’m the Purple Hyacinth. I’ve killed so many people that I can’t even recall all their deaths. Everything I’ve done—it was my choice. And like I said earlier…” Kieran’s grip loosened as he let go of her hand and turned away. “I knew it was wrong to let you get close to me. But I didn’t stop it. What happened before you were taken…anyone would have panicked in that situation. You shouldn’t have been put in that position from the start.”
Lauren frowned. She was worried this would happen. As predicted, he was shutting her out. I knew it would be too painful. But still, why can’t he understand that I chose this? At some point during their journey together, their dubious deal had been replaced by a true partnership. Not one borne out of a shared quest for revenge, but of mutual trust. She had to find a way to help him remember that. Lauren took a step forward and placed her hand on his shoulder. “Kieran, please. I know we both have…regrets…about what happened. But we’re here now, and that’s all that matters.”
Kieran let out a bitter laugh. “Regrets?” He spun around to face her, his eyes dull and cold. “I slayed every single person who crossed my path in that prison. Even when I didn’t need to. Because they took you. They hurt you. I killed them, even when they begged me not to.”
Lauren’s mind flashed back to the last time she saw this expression on his face. In this very cave, when he slammed her against the wall as his fingers wrapped tightly around her throat. Her hand started to drift unconsciously towards her neck, but she caught herself midway and clenched her first on her chest instead. I should be afraid of it happening again, but… I’m not. Lauren clenched her jaw and looked up at him. Last time, she pushed him too far. She hadn’t seen past that mask of mocking disdain, which he used to shelter himself from the horrors he was forced to commit. She hadn’t known the man beneath the mask then. But now, she knew. She knew who he really was inside. She knew he was so much more than the Purple Hyacinth. He was Kieran. Her partner. Her friend. Someone who would sacrifice his whole life, even his very humanity, for those he cared for. And she knew that he cared for her, as she cared for him. Which is why this time, it would be different.
“You’re not a monster, Kieran.”
Kieran’s eyes widened and he stumbled back at her words. He blinked hard and looked at her in bewilderment. “What…did you say?” He couldn’t have heard her right. He’d just admitted to killing dozens. He was a monster. He knew it, so why didn’t she? Lauren stepped closer to him, her voice lowering as she spoke more softly than before.
“You’re not a monster, Kieran. You never were, and you never will be.”
Kieran blinked and felt a tear slide down his face. He brought a hand up and wiped it away, staring at his wet finger. Wet, but not bloody, despite everything. Because of her. Whenever he felt his humanity slipping away, she was there to help him grasp it closer. The cold air that had been suffocating him dissipated. Blood pumped through his veins again, and the static in his ears was silenced. He turned his gaze to her and found in her eyes a silent plea. Believe me. Kieran didn’t realize his hands were shaking until he felt her fingers close around them. Then, slowly, she lifted his hands and pressed them against her chest, like she had done when she promised to stay safe. For him, he realized with a start, as her words from earlier started to sink in, now that the ice in his veins was melting. He swallowed and stretched his fingertips upwards, brushing against her neck. She didn’t even flinch. Once again, she’s found a way to surprise me. Muscles he hadn’t even realized had drawn taut relaxed, his creased brows becoming smooth. His lips settled into a calm line and his softened eyes regarded her with a contemplative, peaceful expression. When she smiled up at him, he felt his stomach drop and his heartbeat pick up its pace. Her golden eyes were more radiant than the sun, and her smile…he wanted to see her smile every day for the rest of his life. He could no longer deny his feelings for her. Gods help me, I am in love with this woman.
His hands moved upwards until they cradled her face. His eyes flicked downward briefly as he licked his lips. He felt a sudden desire to take her lips in his and impart the fire that was roaring inside his chest to her. But now was not the time. No time will ever be the time, he chided himself. She is worthy of so much more. Besides, he didn’t know how she felt about him. He was sure she cared in some capacity, but wanting to be with him in that way…well, it was a stretch, to say the least. His gaze settled back onto her eyes. He was just glad she didn’t despise him, truthfully. In this moment, with her brilliant eyes locked on his and her cheeks soft beneath his fingertips, he was happy just to be near her. “I’m not sure how you do it, but somehow you always know just what to say,” he said with a small smile. “Thank you.” He pulled his hands away and took a step back, but was stopped in his tracks when he felt her fingers close around his. His eyes widened in surprise, their linked hands hanging in the air between them. Lauren was staring at him with a strange look on her face. He couldn’t quite make out what she was thinking, but his heart started pounding at the intensity of her gaze. Why isn’t she saying anything? “Lauren?” Kieran questioned hesitatingly. Have I done something wrong? “Are you alright?” Lauren took a step closer to him, letting her grip on his hands slacken. She brought one hand up and rested her palm on his chest. Kieran felt the air empty out of his lungs at the contact. Would she be able to feel how fast his heart beat for her? How his chest heaved under the weight of her touch? She still hadn’t answered him, and her eyes were cast downward now. He lifted his right hand and placed it on her shoulder in what he intended to be a comforting touch. He searched her face for some sign of what was going on in her mind. When her head finally tilted up to meet his gaze, her eyes were shining. Kieran realized suddenly how close they were and he swallowed hard. Her lips parted and she let out a shaky breath, which he felt ghost over his own. Kieran was frozen to the spot, his mind reeling with a thousand thoughts and hopes and desires and fears. And then she closed the gap between them.
Lauren’s heartbeat was roaring in her ears as she pressed her lips against his. They were softer than she had imagined. She didn’t know what had come over her, only that she wanted to kiss him. Needed to kiss him. She had finally gotten through to him, finally chipped a crack in the walls he had built. She had felt pleased that she had been able to pull him out of his downward spiral. But when he put his hands on her face, when he glanced down at her lips, all other thoughts had flown out the window. Then he had pulled away, like he always did. Like that night on the bridge, when he had caressed her cheek, and she had been too stunned to speak, let alone move, until he retreated. But this time, she wasn’t going to let him withdraw. Her hand on his chest clenched around his shirt, and she felt his fingers on her shoulder tighten imperceptibly. Then he was kissing her back, and the blood rushed to her head, addling her brain. Their lips moved together slowly, tentatively, not wanting to push the limits of this new interaction. After a moment, Kieran’s head moved back slightly, breaking the kiss. She tried to chase him, but he held her shoulder firmly and maintained a distance.
“Lauren, wait,” he breathed out. “We…we shouldn’t be doing this.” His eyes were closed, as if his resolve would break upon looking at her. Lauren slipped her hand up to his neck and pulled him closer. His eyes shot open and she could see the battle raging behind them.
“Kieran,” she whispered. “I want this. Don’t you?” Kieran’s eyes wavered in response.
“You deserve better,” he said, his hand on her shoulder moving up to tangle in her hair. Chills ran down her back. They had grown closer after the events at the factory. How could you not, when you were ready to live or die together? And yet he still thought himself unworthy.
“How can you say that, after everything?” She looked at him with sorrow in her eyes, for everything he’d had to endure, and the scars it had left behind. She knew she couldn’t remove them, but she hoped to lessen their depth, with time. “Kieran, you’ve been my partner through it all. You saved my life over and over again. You made sure my identity was secure after the explosion. When I’ve felt lost or unsure in myself, somehow you always knew just what to say to make everything alright.” Lauren thought about the smile he gave her when she earned back her rank as detective, and the spark of electricity she had felt when his hand landed on her arm. Is that when she had fallen for him? She couldn’t pinpoint a singular moment as memories of him flooded her mind. All she knew for certain was that she could no longer imagine a life that he wasn’t a part of. She wanted to be near him, always. To protect him, to make him feel safe and whole. Loved.
“Lauren,” he murmured. “You know I would do anything for you. But—”
“Then stop running away from me,” she stated with a challenge. Kieran’s eyes widened. She wound both of her arms around his neck and drew even closer to him, whispering. “Don’t run. Stay. Stay with me.” She could see something snap in his eyes, and then the hand in her hair pressed against the back of her head, drawing her lips to his once more.
Their first kiss had been cautious, each of them hesitant in their feelings. But this time, it was different. Emotions flooded out of their lips, pressing together and pulling apart over and over. Lauren’s arms around his neck tightened, and in response Kieran snaked his other arm around her waist, pulling her tightly against him. His heart sang out as they melded together. He felt dizzy, his mind flooded with her and only her. Thoughts of her consumed every inch of his being. The feel of her soft lips, the warmth of her body on his, her silky hair between his fingers, the compliance of her waist as he drew her in. All of his fears, his questions, every rational thought inside that told him to put more space and distance between them had vanished when she begged him to stay. Their kiss grew more urgent, more desperate. Lauren’s hands were tangled in his hair and roaming over his shoulders. Kieran knew without a doubt now—he was too far gone. He was mesmerized, and he could no longer stop the avalanche of his affection, even if he wanted to. He belonged to her, body and soul. They finally broke apart, breathing heavily, lips tingling. He wanted to tell her that she had captivated him, in a way he had never even known was possible. He wanted to tell her that he had been drowning when her outstretched arm had pulled him from the depths. But his throat choked on the words. All he could get out was her name, voice hoarse, as he brushed his lips lightly against hers.
“I know,” she whispered back. Her arms tightened around his back as she embraced him, and Kieran buried his face in the crook of her neck, wrapping his own arms around her shoulders. Their breaths slowed as they held each other for a few moments. Kieran’s rapid pulse relented as her warmth spread through him. As the calm returned, Kieran’s mind started turning to the future. He still couldn’t quite believe she actually wanted to be with him. But if she did truly intend to stay by his side, he was going to make sure she never came to harm again. Their arms fell to their sides as Kieran somewhat reluctantly parted from the embrace. He set his hands on his hips as he backed up to face her with a more serious expression.
“Until we figure out our next move, I think it’s safest for you to stay here, in the cave. I know you’ve got a few outfits stashed here, but you’ll also need food and drink.” Lauren nodded in understanding as Kieran regarded her carefully. He knew he had to get supplies, but he was hesitant to leave her alone. “I’m sure this doesn’t even need to be said, but don’t go anywhere while I’m gone. If you hear anyone approaching, hide. Not that anyone should know of this place, but still…” Kieran frowned as he ran his fingers through his bangs, shoving them out of his face. His eyes cast to the side, brows furrowed and mouth drawn tight. Lauren sighed, giving him a gentle shove as she spoke.
“Yes, yes, I’ll be fine. I’m actually quite famished, so hurry it up, subordinate.” She tossed him a sly smile and Kieran raised his eyebrows in return, a small smirk playing across his face.
“Ah, I see how it is,” he said, crossing his arms in mock indignation. “I agree to let you stay at MY cave and you think that means I’m at your beck and call, do you?”
“Aren’t you?” She replied with a roll of her eyes. “Surely my savior didn’t forget I have needs.” Kieran’s face blanked for half a second before his smirk returned, broader this time. Lauren’s eyes widened and she grabbed a book off the side table, chucking it at his face.
“Not like that!!” She yelled, as he ducked out of the projectile’s way.
“I have no idea what you’re implying,” he said as he raised his hands up in the air in a gesture of surrender. With that, he winked and dashed out of the cave, yelling behind him, “Be back soon, darling!”
Lauren’s cheeks burned as she made her way to the fire pit and eased herself down into the chair beside it. That shameless flirt. Still, a small smile played across her lips. I can’t believe we actually kissed. She pressed two fingers to her lips as her heart stuttered at the recollection. She thought about the way he had so fiercely pulled her mouth to his, the way his strong arms fastened around her, unyielding yet not painful. The way he whispered her name afterwards with what could almost be reverence. She felt a pang of longing as she realized she wanted to be back in his embrace. She wanted to express every feeling she’d been keeping locked away, too scared to give them a voice, but which she could no longer hide. She wanted to hear her name fall from his lips again and feel his hands on her body. She inhaled deeply and shook her head to try to rid herself of the flush that was spreading over her. Come on, Lauren. There’s so much at stake right now. You can’t afford any distractions. No matter how tempting a certain blue-eyed assassin is. She leaned onto her fists, elbows on her thighs, staring into the fire as she willed herself to think of other things. Now that the cave was quiet, the reality of the situation started sinking in, and she found herself getting lost in thoughts of what was to come. She was safe, for now. They were both alive, and by some miracle she had escaped without severe injury. She’d be in pain for a few weeks, and she had only been half joking when she told Kieran she was starving, but he had been right when he said it could’ve been worse. Lauren’s eyes shined with worry as she thought about her friends. She had to let them know she was okay now. There was also the matter of the parley. Had it already happened? Where was Redcliffe? How long had she been gone? Lauren sighed and closed her eyes, pressing on them with the pads of her fingertips. She was so, so tired. But she had to keep going. She couldn’t stop now, not when they were finally making progress. They…yes, that’s right. She wasn’t alone in this fight.
Lauren furrowed her brows at the thought of what awaited them. Kieran had raided the underworld as the Purple Hyacinth to save her, which meant there was no longer any denying that he was actively working against the Phantom Scythe. She felt a cold sweat break out on her forehead when she thought about everything that implied. Surely, the Leader would try to kill him. Who would they send after him? The Golden Viper? Would Belladonna really follow that order given the…agreement…her and Kieran had? Don’t be daft. Of course she would. She can’t just say ‘no, thank you’ to the Leader. Lauren chuckled lowly, as if she could will herself to chase the fear that gripped her away. Both her and Kieran would have to be extremely careful. Despite everything, though, she felt oddly calm. Because no matter what came their way, they’d face it together. She had certainly never expected this when she first chased him across the rooftops, nor when she had him handcuffed and pinned him to the ground. Yet somehow, in an inexplicable way, they worked. As partners in crime, and now something more. A small smile graced her lips. A match made in hell, but not a bad one. Not a bad one at all.