Work Text:
Lover (Lewis):
https://www.tiktok.com/@lewiscapaldi/video/7235616594926390554?_r=1&_t=8cmSUl07h8d
Niall opens the link against his better judgment and is directed to Lewis's profile before it zeroes in on the particular TikTok in question. He has a slight sinking feeling coming to life in his stomach. This is either really good or really bad. There's never an in-between when Lewis is directly involved.
“We should go to Ireland. We could go around Dublin, just the 2 of us just acting the maggot. 2 eejits.” He pauses the video before it goes any further. It's part of a clip that's been trimmed from a behind-the-scenes interview he did with Blake for The Voice.
It's comical the way Blake is just nodding along with what Niall's saying. But he's clearly confused and trying to understand his Irish lingo. Bless him. He looks sort of bewildered. How didn't he notice this before when the episode aired?
The grin on his own face as he's talking about his home country doesn't go unnoticed by him. He looks like a bit of an idiot, but he supposes that's what pride does to a person. His hair is okay at least. And the outfit is one of his best so far this season.
Once he un-pauses the video it cuts to a close-up of Lewis's face. He's lying down somewhere, his unkempt nestle of hair cascades in a sort of graceful way. Well... the most graceful it can get for Lewis. The transition from his own voice to, “That little fucking bitch” startles a laugh out of him. That fucker.
The caption sends him into another fit of laughter: I can't believe what I'm seeing. He's stitched it straight from The Voice's TikTok and watches the full clip of Blake struggling to understand him. He calls him a sir and wonders if he likes beer. Oh, if only he knew. They're comedy gold when they're put together, there's no denying that.
Niall will be extremely sad when this season is over and he won't be interacting with Blake on the regular and cameras rolling to catch their moments that send the fans into hysteria. He thumbs through the comments about his accent, which he was expecting. Two that catch his attention mention him, Blake, and Lewis going to Ireland together- he would love nothing more, and another saying how the commenter can understand him better than Blake despite having previously lived in Alabama. He's clutching his stomach at these.
He'd have to remember to show these to Blake, his Pops, as he loved to call him. He is going to call him out the next time he sees him and go all out with his Irish slang to see what he does. His mind circles back to potential scenarios of Blake and Lewis meeting. If Blake thought his accent was hard to understand, well, it was nothing compared to his best friend's.
He backtracks to Lewis's video and watches it on a loop. The comments on this one are decidedly funnier, they range from: Break up anthem coming up, Niall is very silent right now, YOU NEED TO TALK WITH NIALL LEWIS, Idk which dad I'm gonna choose in this divorce, THE BETRAYAL, This bromance is being held together with Guinness and a cardboard cutout of Niall. And he loves them all.
Which is his favorite? He can't decide. He picks his favorites and prepares to share them with Lewis.
Niall: Am I at least still your little fucking bitch?
Lover (Lewis): Is there a difference?
Niall: Of course there is! What do you mean?
Niall: Am I a ‘fucking little bitch’ or ‘your fucking little bitch’?
Lover (Lewis): I'll let you know once I've decided.
Niall: I feel betrayed.
Lover (Lewis): YOU feel betrayed?
Niall: Yeh
Lover (Lewis): How's that?
Lover (Lewis): I dedicated ‘Wish You The Best’ to you. Made an entire song and even a TikTok for the world to see our love.
Niall: Like I said in the comments. My. Eyes. Are. BLUE. NOT GREEN!
Niall: We've been over this already.
Lover (Lewis): Honest mistake.
Lover (Lewis): Still not over it?
Niall: Orrr it's a cover-up because you wrote it about Harry. My replacement.
Lover (Lewis): Oh please. That boy would never replace you. He used me like a doormat.
He takes in these words and makes a mental note to ask Harry about it. Doormat might be a bit of a stretch.
Niall: Well, you are trying to kiss all my former band members. Maybe if it was just me and him you kissed he'd feel less offended. He likes thinking he's special.
Lover (Lewis): I'm telling him you called him shallow.
Niall: Good luck with that. You sure he won't leave you on read again?
Lover (Lewis): You're a right arse.
Niall: Only when I want to be.
Lover (Lewis): Shut it, you.
Lover (Lewis): Blake looks right confused whenever you talk to him. Poor guy has to suffer through for the rest of the season.
Lover (Lewis): I bet he's counting his blessings that he won't have to hear you ramble all of next season too. Retired in perfect fashion.
Niall: Pops might be confused, but he would never be glad to be rid of me. He loves me.
Niall: His hearing is going though, which is part of the reason why he needs to retire. More like they asked him to leave. Don't tell anyone though.
Niall: I want to spare his feelings.
Lover (Lewis): Screenshots are what he's getting.
Lover (Lewis): And very soon. There's no time to waste.
Niall: Let me know how that goes. Considering you don't have his number.
Lover (Lewis): Instagram DM's it is.
Niall: I don't need you sliding into my old man's DM's. You'll only upset MA.
Lover (Lewis): MA? As in Gwen?
Niall: The very same.
Niall: Besides, little secret- Blake doesn't know how to check his direct messages or use Instagram for that matter. Someone from his team does most of his posts for him.
Lover (Lewis): Alright. No problem, then. I'll just communicate through ‘MA’ as you call her.
Niall: You have Gwen Stefani's number?
Lover (Lewis): You better believe it baby.
Niall: I will once I see screenshots.
Lover (Lewis): Ok, so I don't actually. Minor setback.
Lover (Lewis): But I know two people who might. Gimme a sec.
Oh no. Nope. Nope. Nope. He's in a race for time and exists briefly out of their conversation. He fires off a quick text of warning to Ed and next moves on to Harry. Ed isn't likely to answer straight away but Harry might if it's at the expense of embarrassing Niall. He hopes he isn't too late.
Niall: Whatever you do, do NOT send Lewis Gwen Stefani's number.
Niall: Under NO circumstances are you to give it to him.
Niall: I'm serious. It's life or death.
Curly: Whoops. Too late.
Curly: Why what's going on?
Damnit. Why didn't he text Harry first?
Niall: Forget it I'll explain later.
Curly: Noooo I want to know now.
He exists out of their conversation and ignores the three bubbles that pop up as Harry types his response out. He opens the thread with Lewis up again.
Niall: Seems I underestimated you. And of course Harry only responds when he has a chance to humiliate me.
Lover (Lewis): Revenge is indeed sweet, young Niall.
Lover (Lewis): I hope you've learned your lesson.
Niall: She hasn't responded yet, has she?
Lover (Lewis): Nope.
Okay, so he still had a chance. He took this opportunity to craft a text to Gwen telling her to ignore messages from an unknown number (Lewis's) and that she may as well block it. He knows she'll have questions but beating Lewis is much more important right now.
Lover (Lewis): What did you do?
Lover (Lewis): I tried sending another one, a message, and it bounced back.
Lover (Lewis): YOU GOT TO HER FIRST, DIDN'T YOU?!
Niall: A magician never reveals his secrets.
Lover (Lewis): I promise I will make you disappear by the time this is over.
Niall: Is that a threat?
Lover (Lewis): You better believe it, buttercup.
Niall: Buttercup?
Niall: What is this, the Powerpuff Girls?
Lover (Lewis): Don't worry, I can still get Blake's number.
Niall waits a couple of minutes for this other shoe to drop. The bomb he knows will unleash soon has him on the edge of his seat.
Lover (Lewis): HOW? JUST. HOW?
Niall: You think I didn't warn Gwen and Blake against you at the same time? I told her to block the number for his phone too.
Niall: Two birds with one stone.
He didn't see how Lewis had a way out of this, to redeem himself.
Lover (Lewis): I swear I'm never speaking to you again.
Notifications from another chat starts to flash across the top of his screen.
~Fuckers~
Curly: What's going on? Will someone tell me why I'm being asked for Gwen Stefani's number by one of you and the other is telling me to do the complete opposite!
Of course. He should message Harry in their private thread but the damage has already been done. Lewis will fill him in and maybe, just maybe Harry will message Gwen to unblock Lewis's number on hers and Blake's phones just to see this chaos ensue.
He knows he's in a tight spot no matter how this ends. It's either Lewis wins and he suffers the wrath of his Pops, or Lewis loses and he awaits baited for what his revenge will be. That's the worst, is the unknowing of when he'll strike and that drives him crazy.
Lover (Lewis): Gladly.
Yep, he's fucked. He lets Lewis take the reins and starts to plan his funeral. Monday is just two days away. Fuck.
And his worst nightmare is confirmed a few minutes later as he scrolls at the mass of new messages. Harry got to Gwen and his phone was blowing up from both his MA and Pops. The blow wasn't a gentle one.
He re-enters the group chat and types out: Thanks for that.
Lover (Lewis): You're welcome glad to be of service.
Curly: I'm not even sorry baby.
Niall: Well, here's the invite to my funeral.
And the thing is, he did edit a quick invitation online and took a screenshot. Predictably, the other two are having a field day with this. He sighs and wishes that Monday was already here and over.
His reception in the studio two days later is not shocking. Blake ignores his attempts at flattery and apology. Instead, he tells Niall “not to call him Pops, you're no son of mine anymore” and his heart deflates at this. His last hope is to send the picture of his funeral invitation to Blake and he watches him open it in front of him.
The corners of his mouth turn up in a hint of a smile that he's quick to cover with a fake cough. He considers this a victory and contemplates what he can do to get back to Blake's good graces. He sends this update to the ~Fuckers~ group chat and is met with far less optimistic responses mostly from Lewis.
He claims that Blake is a brainwashed Irish softie. Harry chimes in that Niall's hypnotized him with not only his voice but his ass. Which what? ‘Oi, that's not very father-and-son-like’ he responds. Lewis loves Harry's take, obviously. He locks his phone and walks down the hall towards his dressing room.
“I love you Pops!” Is what he yells over his shoulder and hopes Blake, along with everyone else heard. So, Lewis didn't completely win this round. And his trip planning to Ireland with Blake could resume. He would get Blake to understand him and his Irish slang if it was the last thing he did.