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It was dark when Elphaba left the library, loaded down with books, her mind caught up among the threads of thought she’d been trying to get down on paper when the librarian had interrupted with the announcement that the library was closing and she needed to leave.
The February night was cold, but the sky was clear. Elphaba shivered faintly and nestled deeper into her coat and scarf, but didn’t quicken her pace in an effort to escape the cold. Galinda was hosting a girl’s pampering night in their dorm room and Elphaba was in no hurry to join that. She’d only escaped being roped into it in the first place because she had a major essay for her Politics class due the next week that was causing her a lot of stress. Even Galinda wasn’t game to argue with Elphaba right now- although she did point out that Elphaba could really do with a night of pampering if she was this stressed.
Elphaba was debating whether or not to return to the room when a voice called out to her. Elphaba jumped a mile, stiffening for a moment before she recognised who it was.
“For the love of Oz, Fiyero. Don’t do that,” she sighed tiredly, halting her steps so he could catch up. “I’d really hate to have to hurt you.”
“I bet there’s times that hasn’t been the truth,” Fiyero teased her, falling into step behind her. “What are you doing out this late?”
“I was in the library working on this Politics paper,” Elphaba answered. “What are you doing?”
Fiyero shrugged. “Thought I’d go for a walk. It’s a nice night.”
Even only lit by the moon and the streetlamps that lined the path, Fiyero could make out the disbelief on Elphaba’s face.
“A walk? At eleven o’clock at night? In this temperature?”
Fiyero laughed faintly. “It gets way colder than this in the Vinkus,” he reminded her. “So, yeah.”
Elphaba still looked doubtful, and Fiyero just grinned, taking the pile of books from her. “Come on, Fae. I’ll show you something.”
Elphaba regarded him for a moment and then sighed. “Well, I guess I know you well enough that they’re not going to find my corpse somewhere on campus in the morning, so sure. It beats enduring Pfannee and Shen-Shen’s company in my dorm room.”
Fiyero rolled his eyes. “Well, that’s a glowing endorsement.”
Elphaba grinned faintly, letting Fiyero lead her away.
Sometimes it seemed so long ago since she had stood with Fiyero in that clearing with the Lion Cub, sometimes it seemed like only moments ago. But she and Fiyero had settled into some kind of friendship, even after Fiyero and Galinda had broken up. They never spoke of that day, never spoke of that moment when Elphaba’s hand had cupped his face to wipe away blood and time stood still for a moment.
Elphaba did her best not to remember the way her gut swooped in that moment, was mostly able to pretend that she had no feelings for Fiyero beyond friendship. It was almost easy, most of the time. Logic always won out. Even if Fiyero wasn’t her best friend’s ex-boyfriend, there was no future for her and Fiyero together. She knew that.
So when Fiyero took her hand to keep her steady at they left the path and walked across the uneven ground, where there was little light, Elphaba fought the urge to pull away, and the urge to relish in his touch.
“What exactly are you showing me?” Elphaba asked finally. “Because I’m now beginning to doubt my earlier statement about my corpse.”
Fiyero laughed. “We’re here. I just needed the light… or lack thereof. Here, sit.”
Elphaba sighed and eased herself down onto the cold ground, thankful at least that it hadn’t snowed this week.
Fiyero sat beside her, placed the books on the ground and then nudged her shoulder lightly. “Look up.”
Elphaba obeyed, raising her gaze to the starry sky. “The stars? Yero, I’ve seen stars before,” she said dryly.
Fiyero grinned. “But have you really looked at them?”
Elphaba’s brow furrowed.
“You see that?” Fiyero asked, pointing up at the sky. “That cluster?”
Elphaba looked up again. “Fiyero, there’s a million stars up there,” she protested.
He chuckled. “Here.”
He grabbed her hand again, arranging her fingers so that her pointer finger was outstretched, and raised her hand to point at a spot. “See that? That bright star with the things and that star there?”
Elphaba turned her head to blink at Fiyero. “I can’t believe that I understood that,” she said incredulously and Fiyero snorted. “But yes, I see it. What about it?”
Fiyero leaned back, resting his weight on his hands. “How familiar are you with Wodinn? Lurline’s fairy?”
Elphaba wrinkled her nose faintly. “I’m an atheist who was raised in a Unionist household. So, not very.”
Fiyero chuckled. “Wodinn is the fairy that looks after the afterlife. So, Death, basically,” he explained. “Anyway, there’s this story. Wodinn hated his job. I mean, wouldn’t you? So, sometimes, he’d sneak out of the Underworld and just walk around. Just enjoy the living world. But the thing was, he had to be careful not to touch anyone, even just the slightest brush-”
Elphaba fought not to jump as Fiyero reached over and brushed the back of her hand with a finger to demonstrate, goosebumps erupting where he touched her- and not from the cold.
“The slightest brush would kill the person he touched,” Fiyero continued nonchalantly. “One winter’s night, he was walking along the river and he sees this girl. Or woman, it depends on what version of the story you hear. Anyway, he immediately falls in love with her, and keeps coming back to watch her. Now, he’s supposed to be invisible. Fairy reasons and all that. But after a few days, she calls out to him and he realises that she can see him. Turns out, she’s half fairy herself, the daughter of Lurline.”
“Lurline has human children?” Elphaba interrupted.
Fiyero nodded. “Sure. Well, just this one. Aysun, that’s her name. So she and Wodinn start spending all this time together-”
“She falls in love with him too? The guy who spent days watching her thinking he was invisible?” Elphaba asked, wrinkling her nose. “Well, that’s romantic and not at all creepy.”
“Fae, it’s a myth. Just let me have this,” Fiyero said exasperatedly.
Elphaba rolled her eyes. “Alright, fine. She falls in love with the stalker fairy. Continue.”
Fiyero rolled his eyes right back at her, but continued the story. “They fall in love, but they can’t touch. Because if they touch, she dies, right?”
“Sure.”
Fiyero turned to look at Elphaba, meeting her gaze in the darkness. “He was so completely in love with her, and it killed him that he couldn’t touch her. Couldn’t really be with her. But he kinda figured, it’s better than nothing, right?”
Elphaba’s mouth went dry under his gaze.
“So, what happened?” she asked, trying to sound casual. “I’m assuming ‘they love each other but can’t be together’ isn’t the end of the story. Otherwise, that’s a terrible ending. And this is coming from me.”
Fiyero smiled. “Well, during one visit, Aysun tripped over a tree root or something, and he instinctively went to steady her. And she didn’t die.”
“Because she’s half fairy?” Elphaba guessed.
Fiyero paused. “You just kind of ruined the big twist of my story, Fae. But whatever. Yes,” he confirmed as Elphaba laughed. “She’s half fairy, so he can touch her and she doesn’t die.”
“Which means they can be together,” Elphaba finished.
“Yeah. So, all is good for awhile. They get married, and then she gets pregnant. She gives birth to a little girl. Wodinn is super stoked-”
“You’re quoting the original text there?” Elphaba asked dryly, and Fiyero sighed.
“Elphaba. We’re coming up to the dramatic moment, and it’s not going to be dramatic if you’re offering commentary.”
“Then you’re telling this story to the wrong person,” Elphaba retorted. “Speed it up, will you? It’s late and it’s cold.”
Fiyero sighed again, but obediently continued the story. “So, the baby is born and Wodinn picks up his daughter… and she dies.”
Elphaba closed her eyes. “There’s more to the story, right? Because that’s a horrendible ending.”
“There’s more,” Fiyero nodded. “Aysun is distraught over the death of her daughter, and Wodinn leaves her alone to escort their daughter to the afterlife. When he comes back, she’s stabbed herself and she’s dead. Wodinn is devastated, but he can’t die himself. But then Lurline steps in, and places both Aysun and Setarah- the baby- into the sky as a constellation, where Wodinn can touch them both and they can be together always. The End.”
Elphaba stared back up at the sky, her brow furrowed.
Fiyero pointed up again. “See, there’s Aysun, and there’s the baby.”
Elphaba was quiet for a long moment. “Why couldn’t he touch the baby?” she asked finally. “He was a fairy, she was half-fairy. The baby should be three-quarters fairy, which is a quarter more than Aysun. Why can he touch her but not the baby?”
“Fae, I didn’t write the story,” Fiyero complained. “Geez. Come on, I’ll walk you back to your dorm.”
“I don’t need an escort,” Elphaba protested, climbing to her feet, but Fiyero ignored her.
As they reached the lit path once more, heading towards the dorms, Elphaba found her gaze drifting back towards the sky.
“Why did you tell me that story?” she asked him.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, that’s not the only constellation in the sky, and I’m guessing not the only one with a story attached. But that’s the one you pointed out to me. Why?”
Fiyero didn’t answer straight away.
“My dad’s the one who told me all the stories as a kid,” he said finally. “I used to have trouble sleeping… well, I used to hate going to bed,” he amended.
“So, Dad would sit me down and we’d look out the window. He’d find a constellation and tell me the story, and eventually I’d fall asleep.”
“Sounds nice,” Elphaba murmured.
She’d never had anything remotely like that. At least, not that she could remember. Maybe there was a chance her mother had at least tucked her in before she’d died.
“But I guess, the story of Wodinn and Aysun... “ Fiyero trailed off and then let out a breath slowly. “I don’t know, Fae. I guess it’s been on my mind more than most lately.”
“Why?” Elphaba asked hesitantly.
Fiyero glanced at her, and Elphaba’s stomach dropped as one corner of his mouth quirked.
“I guess something about it just hits me differently than it used to.”
Fiyero’s hand brushed hers as they walked, completely by accident, Elphaba was sure. But her breath caught like she’d been burned; just like it had that day in the clearing.
“I never would have guessed that you were interested in the stars,” she said, clearing her throat and looking away as she crossed her arms over her chest as though to warm her hands.
Fiyero shrugged. “It’s not something I share with many people,” he said.
Elphaba’s first thought was that it would seem this was the perfect way to impress girls- she was sure Galinda would swoon over hearing a love story painted across the night sky. Her second thought was to immediately regret her first thought.
“As a kid, I thought my dad made up the stories just for me,” Fiyero explained quietly. “And then he told me that it was my grandfather who’d told him. So, it felt like some big family secret- passed from generation to generation. Eventually I got old enough to realise the truth, but I still felt like I should keep the secret.”
He made a face. “I guess it’s kinda dumb-”
“No,” Elphaba interrupted softly. “It’s not dumb, Yero.”
Fiyero smiled at her, a real smile, not a fake one. Elphaba always liked those moments, where she got to see the real Fiyero, not the shallow, self-absorbed playboy he pretended to be. But this time, Elphaba was struck by how privileged she was to be one of the few allowed to see the real Fiyero.
Elphaba’s heart stuttered, her steps faltering of their own accord as it struck her. She’d been ignoring her feelings for Fiyero for so long now, fighting them down and pretending they didn’t exist. But Oz, it would be so easy to fall in love with him. With this Fiyero.
“Fae? You okay?” Fiyero asked in concern, touching her elbow lightly.
Even through her coat and layers, his touch burned and Elphaba jumped away.
“I’m fine,” she said hastily, her heart pounding. “I think I’m just really tired,” she lied with a weak smile.
Although it didn’t feel like a lie. Exhaustion seeped into her bones like a gas and her eyes stung suddenly, making her squeeze her eyes shut.
Fiyero’s brow creased. “Yeah, it’s late. Come on,” he said and guided her forward.
They reached the door to the dorm building and Elphaba reached out to take her books from Fiyero.
“I’m fine from here, Fiyero. Thanks,” she said hastily, already moving towards the door.
Fiyero took a step forward, paused and then nodded. “Right. Well, get some sleep, Fae. I’ll see you tomorrow?”
“Probably,” Elphaba nodded with a faint smile and disappeared inside without another word.
When Elphaba entered her dorm room, she was relieved to find the room empty. There was a note on Elphaba’s bed in Galinda’s handwriting- Crashing in Milla’s room for the night. See you later, Elphie!
Elphaba readied herself for bed quickly. Normally, she loved the chances she had for solitude in her room. Her friendship with Galinda was still unexpected, and Elphaba was surprised by how grateful she was to have Galinda as her friend; but Elphaba wasn’t used to having someone in her space all the time. Home wasn’t exactly a safe haven for Elphaba, but at least she had her own room she could retreat to for privacy. At Shiz, there were times when the bathroom was the most privacy Elphaba had.
When Galinda was out at The OzDust, or with her friends, it gave Elphaba a chance to read or work in peace. But tonight, Elphaba just crawled into bed and turned off the light. After a moment, she realised she’d forgotten to close the curtains and internally groaned. But instead of getting up to close them, she rolled onto her side and stared out the window. She could see the stars from her window, and she studied the sky for a moment unblinkingly, trying to find the constellation Fiyero had pointed out to her earlier.
She couldn’t be certain where it was. The night sky pretty much all looked the same to her. Maybe her window was just in the wrong spot to see it. Elphaba had read books on astronomy a few years ago. She could name the planets, explain what caused night and day and the changing of the seasons. She knew what stars were.
But Fiyero was right- had she ever really looked at the stars before?
Elphaba wasn’t sure she had- at least not in a long time. As children, Nessa had loved to find the brightest star in the sky and make a wish. Until Frex had told her that it was nonsense and blasphemous to the name of the Unnamed God.
Nessa had stopped after that.
Elphaba had never been one to make a wish on a star. She’d never seen the point.
She lay there, staring out the window at the sky. There was one bright star in her view, that seemed brighter than all the others.
For a moment, just a moment, Elphaba was tempted to make a wish.
Then she sighed, closed her eyes and rolled over so that her back was to the window.
Don’t start Elphaba, she told herself. Shut up and go to sleep.
But that night, she dreamed of the touch of Fiyero’s hand against hers.
It would be easy, so easy, to fall in love with Fiyero. Elphaba couldn’t pretend otherwise. But it couldn’t happen, for a million reasons, and Elphaba wasn’t sure how she was supposed to ignore this.
It’ll be easier when morning comes, she told herself. When the stars faded from view, when they weren’t there to remind her of tonight, she would be able to forget all this.
Of course, even in the daylight, the stars were always there. Unseen.
Forgetting wasn’t going to be that simple.