Archive of Our Own

Truthfully, Sonny doesn’t know whether he did the right thing.

The Brisko household has been serving the Knox household for generations. And as if they too are fated to be, the only heir to the Knox household was born a few years right after Sonny’s born into the Brisko household.

The gap between their age made it much easier for them to click when they first got introduced to one another.

“Are you going to be my servant?” His master asked when they first met each other, mismatched eyes wide with confusion and his voice was much more higher pitched back then. “Can’t you be my friend instead?”

Sonny cautiously glanced at his father, the head butler to the Knox family. His father simply nodded at him.

“I can be both a friend and a servant,” Sonny said as he placed his hand over his own chest. “But to me, you’ll always be my most precious master above all.”

It wasn’t the answer Alban’s looking for. But his master’s eyes were twinkling at the mention of ‘friend’, so Sonny took it as a win nonetheless.

What he didn’t expect was for him to grow so fond, so protective, and so, so weak for his master.

Sonny supposed that he should’ve seen it coming. It’s almost impossible to grow up together and not feel attached to someone you share your joy and laughter with, to someone you considered to be your other half.

And he supposed that it was also foolish for him to even dare to consider Alban to be his other half, when they’re of different status and positions in the household. Sonny might be of nobility too, but in the end he still serves his Master Alban.

Master and Madam Knox didn’t seem to be perturbed by Alban’s closeness with Sonny even after all these years, in fact they seem to gaze over the two boys rather fondly as they grow older and older.

“It’s nice to see you getting along so well with Alban,” Madam Knox smiled at him.

“I… Should I start maintaining a distance with the Young Master?”

“Hm?” Madam Knox had looked genuinely confused back then. “You can do whatever you want to do. You can be just yourself with him.”

Sonny felt relieved at that response, but then he looked across the room and his gaze met his father’s.

“We need to talk.”

‘It’s much better to end it quickly,’ his father had said back then. ‘That way it would hurt less for you too.’

… Huh? Was he overdoing it after all? Is being fond of your master not a thing?

But Sonny’s father simply gave him a look that Sonny failed to understand and gently ruffled his hair. Sonny didn’t question it any further until he realized what it was much, much later.

A look of pity.

His father knew that his feelings would soon grow into something more than just mere fondness. His father knew him well enough to know that what Sonny felt would soon turn into attraction.

And truly, he would’ve handled it real well if it was just a mere one-sided feeling.

But then when his master turned seventeen, as Sonny went through his master’s schedules for the day, as Sonny fixed the ribbon at his master’s collar, he caught the way Alban’s gazing at him.

… Oh dear.

His master feels the same way.

.

.

Sonny Brisko—albeit he had just turned twenty three a month prior—doesn’t know jack shit on how to deal with romantic feelings. His life had always revolved around Alban and Alban only, he never made time for him to date around.

Sonny might not know how to initiate a casual conversation, nor how to openly flirt with another person. But one thing he does know is: this won’t do.

And so he pretends that he doesn’t know.

He pretends that he doesn’t realize that his master harbors such feelings towards him, he pretends he doesn’t see the fond gaze his master sends him, he pretends that he doesn’t know that his master is actually returning his feelings.

If he believes in one thing hard enough, they ought to become reality at some point.

And so he continues to pretend, Sonny pretends that his feelings remain unreciprocated.

And while Master and Madam Knox commented nothing on it—they only coo at their closeness even until now, much to Sonny’s confusion—his father is proud of his son for properly drawing the line.

But his master is a stubborn one and continues to try his luck, only further and further pushing his advances towards Sonny. And so, what does Sonny do?

He decides to do the smartest yet subsequently is also the most foolish thing he thought of doing; by passively showing his “rejection” towards his master by showing closeness to the second son of the Violeta household, Uki Violeta.

Alban is obviously, and understandably, upset at the blatant favoritism he shows towards Uki.

Being super strict at him while showing leniency towards Uki, naming Alban being his master as the root of all reasons, giving Uki a gentle smile while shooting Alban a look of disapproval whenever Alban does something unbecoming of an heir.

But Sonny supposes the breaking point was when Uki rubbed it off at Alban’s face: Sonny prefers me more than his own master.

And truly, Sonny should be glad when Alban built up his walls and started treating Sonny as nothing more than a servant.

But instead he got chills when Alban’s smiles towards him no longer reached his eyes.

.

.

It took just a few days for everything to start falling apart.

His master no longer slips out of the balcony, no longer finding enjoyment in their mini hide-and-seek sessions.

His master would only nod along to whatever Sonny says, responding briefly with the lack of that nasally tone that he purposefully made because he knew that Sonny’s weak for his cuteness.

Alban no longer whines or mull over his hardships to Sonny.

Sonny’s father nods proudly at him. The family elders all praised Alban for maturing up into a proper heir to the Knox household.

But Sonny thinks otherwise.

Just because Alban refuses to talk about it doesn’t mean he’s not struggling, and just because he doesn’t show his tears in front of Sonny any more, it doesn’t mean he’s not hurting.

But Alban no longer opens his heart to Sonny.

Only when Alban draws a strict line between the two of them is when Sonny realizes, how lonely he actually feels.

.

.

And he thought he’ll get over it quickly.

Sonny once thought the heavy feelings inside his chest would soon die away after Alban made the decision to build a proper wall between the two of them. But instead, the pain worsens when he catches Alban interacting with one of Madam Knox’s butlers from a distance.

Min Suha did not come from a prestigious family like Sonny does, but he’s intelligent and was one of the children sponsored by the Knox family since years ago. Madam Knox took a liking on him immediately due to his meticulous and adaptable personality.

Not to mention, he’s also around Sonny and Alban’s age.

It’s not a secret that had Sonny not been the head butler’s son, Suha probably would’ve been the one pushed to be Alban’s personal servant instead.

“Rest for a bit, Master Alban, you’ve been working too hard lately…” Suha voices out as Alban’s laughter slowly dies down into quiet giggles.

“Mm… I don’t think I’m doing enough, though,” Alban grins. “Sonny wouldn’t be pushing me that much if I’ve done my part.”

Another tinge of pain inside Sonny’s chest, when did he last hear Alban speak of his name so fondly like that?

“But no matter what I do, it doesn’t feel fun… It doesn’t feel fulfilling at all,” Alban sighs tiredly.

“Is it a burnout, Master Alban?” Suha gazes down at the other male with concern. “It wouldn’t be good if the heir ends up falling sick…”

Sonny watches as Suha gently brushes at Alban’s strands then takes off his coat to lay it down on the ground.

“Suha?”

“Please use my lap as your pillow for a bit, Master Alban. I’ll wake you in time for your next class.”

And Sonny watches, as Alban flushes a pale shade of pink, as he nods slowly and takes the kind offer. Sonny watches as Alban awkwardly lies down on the coat, as he adjusts himself on Suha’s lap, as Suha laughs and whispers a small “excuse me” before he gently pushes his master into a better position.

And Sonny watching all that feels so sick that he actually has to leave the place to empty his stomach.

How odd, Sonny thinks, is it the stress?

(It’s not.)

.

.

But Perhaps Sonny overdid it after all. Perhaps he was too stressed out.

Perhaps it was the lack of his better judgment that day that made him push the Knox heir too hard on their studies. Because Alban ended up sobbing and screaming at Sonny to get out for the first time in his life.

And Sonny doesn’t want to. Not when Alban’s obviously at his breaking point, when Alban’s crumbling apart right in front of his eyes like this.

But Alban no longer wishes to show his vulnerable side to Sonny.

When a book flies right over his head, Sonny finally snaps out of his reverie to see Alban’s shoulders rising up and down rapidly. And as he sees the way his master's tearful gaze is filled with more rage than sorrow, Sonny quietly lowers his head and steps out of the room.

He pretends he feels nothing when Suha rushes into the room shortly after he leaves. He pretends he doesn’t hear the soft hiccups and muffled sobs from behind the closed door.

.

.

“I’m sorry, it was unbecoming of me.”

Alban summons Sonny once again into his study room once he has calmed down.

“It is fine, Master Alban,” Sonny says, his hands clasped behind his back, an image of a perfect posture to an ideal servant.

Alban eyes him warily before he drags his tired gaze onto the surface of his desk.

“... Are you not going to ask what happened?”

Sonny wants to, he really does.

But he doesn’t dare to intrude, he doesn’t dare to cross the line the two of them have drawn so desperately.

“My apologies for making assumptions, but I was under the impression that you were stressed out over the workload, Master Alban,” Sonny voices out.

“... Yeah,” Alban chuckles before he lets out a sigh with a shake of his head. “Yeah, I must be too stressed out.”

“... I will brew you some chamomile tea to help you relax, Master Alban. If you would excuse me.”

Sonny genuinely wishes he could just walk across the room and hug him close like he did back then when they were much younger, when Alban cried due to accidentally grazing his feet after a fall during their usual hide-and-seek sessions.

Sonny genuinely wishes he could go back to the time when he could hug the other close without getting the urge to touch him more, to pull him into a tighter embrace and kiss him senseless.

He genuinely wishes that he could be the one comforting the other male without igniting any unwanted feelings between the two of them. He wishes he could be the dependable butler his master needed.

And most of all he genuinely wishes he does not have to see Min Suha standing in front of him right now.

“What do you want,” Sonny lets out through gritted teeth.

“A good butler should know how to take care of their master’s health,” Suha says calmly. “I’m surprised that someone as capable as you is not aware of something as simple as that.”

“Are your eyes only for decorations or do you not see me carrying a tray of tea for my master right now?”

Suha only looks at him with something akin to pity, and honestly Sonny wishes nothing more than to shove the other away right now.

Thankfully the other male shakes his head and walks away before Sonny ever gets the chance to do so. And when he re-enters the study room, Alban has regained his composure, as if the meltdown from earlier is nothing but a pigment of their imagination.

“You saw nothing,” Alban says after a sip of his chamomile tea.

Sonny takes that as an order. Nothing happened this afternoon, none of the unexplained rage, none of the meltdown, none of his master crying in the comfort of another servant’s presence.

None of the crack in his master’s facade, none of Sonny’s feelings slowly resurfacing, none of his urge to embrace his master; none, none, none.

.

.

But no matter how good of an actor they were, they must have slipped or done something wrong somewhere. Sonny genuinely thought that they had it under control, until he’s summoned to Madam Knox’s study room in the middle of the night.

“Would you tell me what’s going on? Because I know Alban hasn’t been the most honest with me lately,” the Madam’s voice is soft and soothing; it was a request, not an order.

And Sonny should’ve known that he isn’t as slick as he thought himself to be. Because previously it would always be Alban running after Sonny, and Sonny responding with that polite yet playful tone.

Yet nowadays, it’s just him and only him. Just Sonny’s lonely gaze trailing after Alban’s retreating back.

“I made a mistake, Madam,” Sonny admits with his head lowered. “I made the wrong decision, and it cost us our friendship.”

His master must’ve gotten his kindness from the Madam, because she doesn’t get angry. 

Madam Knox just gazes sadly because she genuinely thought the two of them would be able to go over whatever social status barrier they have between them, to at least remain good friends if not more.

She didn't get upset, nor did she ask for any details. She only asked for a favor, for Sonny to try once again because while Sonny doesn’t see it, a mother’s intuition is always right: Alban misses Sonny, still.

And as he walks out of the study room, the gears in Sonny’s head start to turn once again. He ponders over what to say to Alban and how to apologize properly.

No matter how good his intention was, it doesn’t change the fact that he has hurt the younger male deeply.

Of course, he only realized about it belatedly upon seeing his master’s interaction with the other butler. Yet on the other hand, he doubted words would be enough to deter the young master’s “when there’s a will there’s a way” mindset.

An appropriate action was needed to intervene with their blossoming feelings. As his father said, it’s better to nip it in the bud.

Nothing good would ever come from Alban, the only heir to the Knox household, settling down with a Brisko.

‘You have to make the decision now, before you end up regretting your choices.’

Sonny’s steps slow down to a stop. He made his decision and he still ended up regretting his choices. So was it really the correct decision after all?

He really needs to think this through before he talks the talk with his master.

But then he enters his master’s room, only to see his master lying on his back on the floor, with a flustered Suha towering on top of him, and the two of them are staring back at Sonny with wide eyes.

… What is that look supposed to mean? Did Sonny catch them at a bad time? Was he intruding on them?

His hands really must've had a mind of their own. The next thing they know, Alban’s screaming, and Sonny’s got a fistful of Suha’s collar as he pins the other male servant against the wall of the young master’s bedroom, the bruise on Suha’s cheek matching the one on Sonny’s knuckles.

“Sonny!” Comes Alban’s shrill scream. “Sonny, have you gone mental?! Put him down!”

“I’ll put him down, alright.”

“Not like that! Put him back on the ground!”

“How dare he pushed the master down—”

“It’s a misunderstanding— I fell on my own!”

Alban’s grip on Sonny’s arm is tight and borderline painful. Sonny slowly lowers Suha, mentally seething over the fact that his master is busy fussing over the other male’s injury and disheveled appearance.

“Oh god, oh fuck, I’m so sorry…” Alban’s eyes are as wide as saucer when he notices the split at the corner of Suha’s lips. “Oh fuck, what to do… You need to get treated as soon as possible.”

“It’s not your fault, Master Alban,” Suha smiles kindly. “Master Alban is not the one who has to apologize.”

“I will not apologize.”

“Sonny!”

“I am not going to apologize for something I do not find fault in doing,” Sonny says stubbornly, refusing to meet Suha’s gaze.

Alban inhales deeply, and whatever he’s going to say dies down when Suha shakes his head at him with a small smile. Instead, a small whimper slips past Alban’s lips before he lets out a soft,

“I’m sorry, Suha. My butler is still my responsibility, I think I owe you at least this much,” Alban murmurs. “I’ll explain to my mother regarding what transpired tonight. Instead, you should get treated and take the day off tomorrow.”

Suha chuckles softly and takes a light bow in Alban's direction.

“Master Alban is still as kind as ever,” Suha shoots a glance at Sonny’s direction to find the other male staring at him in displeasure. “I shall take my leave then. I think Master Alban still has something to discuss with his butler.”

“Indeed, I do,” Alban sighs. “Go. Get some rest.”

“I hope you’ll have a good rest tonight, Master Alban.”

That 'good rest' will depend on whether Sonny will finally sit down and talk and explain whatever the fuck is going on lately. Alban’s genuinely too tired to walk on eggshells.

“This, we can’t keep acting like this and drag everyone else into our mess,” Alban sighs as he motions for Sonny to come closer. In the end, he has Sonny kneeling on the floor while he sits down at the edge of his bed, his arms crossed over his chest.

“If we can’t reach an agreement or at least a conclusion by tonight, I’ll have to ask my father to reconsider his arrangement regarding the two of us being placed together like this,” Alban mutters quietly, Sonny’s eyes widened slightly at the implication of his master’s words.

“So I hope you’ll finally talk. I’d hate for this to be our final interaction ever.”

And truly, Sonny’s never been one to cower away, but his collar feels too tight and his gloves extra clammy as he sits beneath Alban’s stare.

“Explain,” Alban grits out, and when Sonny doesn’t respond fast enough he adds, “now.”

After a few seconds of silence, Sonny heaves out a large sigh.

“I fucked up.”

“You did,” Alban’s eyes narrowed in displeasure. “Now make it concise. It’s past my resting time, I don’t have time for more of your nonsense.”

“I’m in love with you.”

At Sonny’s sudden declaration, Alban’s brain stutters for a bit.

“... What? Hold on, there should be a much longer explanation for that.”

“Master Alban, you told me to make it concise; I’m in love with you.”

“Hold on— Can you— What?”

Alban doesn’t know whether he should be pissed or touched or joyed right now. Sonny’s like a freight train running at maximum speed, not even minding any warning sirens that there’s a cattle crossing the track while it’s speeding. In this case, the sirens being Alban’s anger and the cattle being the ongoing situation. Seriously, who confesses while being reprimanded like this?!

“I’m in love with you,” Sonny repeats, with much more conviction this time. “Had always been, for years. Even since back then when you were still a crybaby with two front teeth missing—”

“Hey!” Alban makes an affronted noise.

“—yet I still thought that you were the most adorable creature to grace my life with your presence. And my feelings never changed, if any it got even stronger which caused… some unnecessary issues.”

Alban blinks before he slowly frowns once again, things just don’t make sense to him right now.

“Huh. But you and Uki are—”

“There’s nothing between me and Sir Violeta,” Sonny says sternly. “It was a mutually beneficial relationship. He used me to invoke jealousy from a certain nobleman, and I utilized him to… drive a wedge… between the two of us…”

As his voice trails off in shame into a quieter tone, Alban’s expression slowly morphs into one of surprise, confusion, realization, before another frown starts to mar that adorable face. Alban remains quiet, calmly analyzing Sonny’s downcast expression.

“And what fueled your thoughts to drive a wedge between us?”

“Our social standings, and my responsibilities as Master Alban’s personal butler,” Sonny murmurs out quietly, his lips feeling a bit too dry for such conversation. “And there’s also Master Alban’s position in the household… It’s not hard to conjure at least one plausible reason, Master Alban.”

“… I have an inkling that it might be it, that’s why I went along with your unspoken request.” Alban sighs.

Sonny winces at the recollection of his master’s empty smiles and monotonous comments thrown in his direction. I deserved that, Sonny thinks to himself. Alban murmurs out a small “matters not” before throwing his attention back at the kneeling butler in front of him.

“And what made you change your mind?”

“...”

“Sonny?”

“... I… I got jealous.”

Alban’s eyebrows rise up to his hairline, Sonny clears his throat as he casts his gaze at his master’s pretty little feet instead.

“I thought I could handle it, but then I saw Master Alban’s closeness with Suha,” he darts his tongue out to lightly wet his lips, his gaze shifting down to his gloved hands, “I didn’t like it a single bit. There are lines a butler must not cross with his master, and Min Suha has crossed over way too many of them.”

“Technically he didn’t cross any line if I was the one doing the crossing,” Alban deadpans.

“That is correct, Master Alban.”

“And so?”

“I simply wished I was in his position instead.”

Alban's shoulders sag down as Sonny goes on. His honesty might cost him his job, but if he remains stubborn like he used to and keeps his lips shut tight, there's a high chance that he's going to get demoted from being his Master Alban's personal butler too.  What is there to be scared of when they're technically two doors leading to the same room?

Fuck it, Sonny thinks to himself.

“I wished it was me brushing your strands away, I wished it was me you were smiling at back then in Madam’s garden,” Sonny glances up to meet Alban’s eyes through his lashes, “I wished it was me treating you with such familiarity, and… Hm.”

“ Speak.”

“... I wished it was me pushing you down to the ground instead.”

Alban lets out a strangled sound. Something inside Sonny snaps. Fuck it, screw it all.

“Master Alban,” Sonny’s voice drops slightly as he leans forward, “had you not told me to put him down, I would’ve sent him back to the servants’ quarter with broken arms.”

Alban’s breath hitches as Sonny slowly inches forward, and when a large hand encases his slim ankle with ease, the young master flinches at the sudden realization of how big Sonny’s hand actually is.

“Wait, Sonny—”

“Had you not send him out immediately, I would’ve done so much worse,” Sonny breathes against the back of Alban’s feet. Alban has to bite onto his own lips when he feels warmth gliding up his calf. “I did say that my feelings for Master Alban have caused me some unnecessary problems.”

“I… I did not peg you to be the v-violent kind, Sonny,” Alban’s voice shakes when Sonny’s grip on his ankle tightens, as Sonny lightly kisses the inside of his knee.

Why did he choose the dress shirt as his pajama for today? Alban’s basically laid bare for Sonny to see, with how he literally tugs his legs apart like this.

“I was referring to you, Master Alban,” Sonny voices out as he tugs the smaller male forward, throwing one of Alban’s legs over his shoulder in the process. “Had you not send him out immediately, I would’ve done so much worse to you.”

As Sonny slowly crawls up to the bed, as Alban slowly leans back as he finds himself getting trapped beneath Sonny’s caging arms, Alban swallows thickly and whispers a small,

“Show me then.”

And just like that, Sonny leans down to mesh their lips together.