Work Text:
“Are you hungry?” he knocked and walked in at the same time.
“I didn’t have time for lunch today if that answers your question.” Olivia looked up from the mountain of paperwork on her desk. Her eyes were starting to cross; she'd been in the office for just over 12 hours.
“I thought this was a Sergeant in-house day.” Barba came to stand on the other side of her desk.
“I got about 40% of this pile down, it’s worth the salsa band playing in my stomach right now. Dodds was giving me the evil eye...I need to spend more time on the paperwork and less in the field.”
“I'm taking you to dinner.”
“I'm…what time is it?” Olivia looked at her watch as she asked.
“7:30. We have an 8 o’clock reservation.” Barba replied.
“We do?”
“Is Noah with Lucy tonight?” he wasn’t ignoring her initial question, the ADA just wanted to make sure every string was tied.
“Um, no, he um, he's with Trevor. It’s Thursday so he's with Trevor.”
“Trevor Langan?” Rafael’s eyebrow went up. This was something he had no idea about, though he surely had no right to know any of Olivia’s personal business. Still, he'd never heard anything about Trevor Langan.
“I thought it would be good for both of them actually. I've known Trevor for a long time and it’s important that Noah have male influence in his life as well as female. Trevor is funny, well-read, and mostly good with kids. I think the two of them got really close when Trevor worked on the adoption.”
“How long has there been a Trevor Thursday?”
“Oh,” Olivia laughed. “Trevor Thursday, I like that. I think this is the third week now. Lucy gets a night off, I get a late night at work if need be without having to worry that Noah isn't getting the attention and stimulation he needs. We have a reservation?”
“We do. I need a night away from this and I know that you do.”
“Where are we headed, Counselor?” Olivia didn’t think twice about leaving what was left on her desk right there. She'd been in the office long enough and she was starving. Right now he could’ve gotten her out of SVU with the promise of a Wendy’s drive thru.
“Crown.” Barba replied, straightening his silver, blue, and white tie for absolutely no reason. Sometimes he just didn’t know what to do with his hands.
“Crown? The Crown? I am not dressed for Crown, Barba.”
“You look…you look beautiful.”
“It was laundry day.” Olivia looked down at her maroon Jones New York dress. It was one of her favorites, and she had worn it on a date once. Wait, this was not a date. Friends had dinner together all the time. Friends may have had dinner together in one of the most expensive and trendy restaurants in Manhattan.
“Leave the work blazer behind and put your hair up.” Barba said. “You'll look as if you just walked out of one of those overpriced Upper East Side condos.”
“I need ten minutes.” She reached into the bottom drawer for her purse. Thank God it actually matched her outfit.
“I’ll be right here.”
She grabbed a pair of black peep toe heels from the other bottom drawer and Barba wondered just how many things women kept in their desk drawers in case of emergency. She could have enough to get them through a fire nation attack for all he knew. It wouldn’t surprise him at all. If anyone was going to get them through hell and high water it would be Oliva Benson.
“Are you sure I look OK?”
The voice came from behind him. Barba turned halfway around to catch sight of her. He stopped in his tracks, hopefully it was only for a few seconds, before facing her fully. Wow. Holy fuckin wow.
“You look fine.”
“Hey,” she smiled and gave him a friendly punch on the arm. “I was beautiful a few minutes ago.”
You still are, he said with his eyes. You were beautiful then, now, fifteen minutes from now when we get to the restaurant, and surely later when you're slightly tipsy from very expensive liquor.
“Sergeant,” Barba held out his arm. “We don’t want to lose our table on a semantics argument, do we?”
Olivia surely didn’t. She had only been to Crown once, and the date ended badly. There was no doubt she would have a nice time with the ADA. It had been a while since she'd done something nice for herself. Brian wasn’t exactly the fancy restaurant type. Sports bars were OK but Olivia wanted more. This wasn’t a date—was it?—but it qualified.
***
“That was absolutely delicious.” Olivia smiled as the server arrived to remove their appetizer plates. They had ordered the baked artichoke, which was as delightful as she remembered. It smelled lovely and tasted lovelier. This place was worth every penny of the cost. The atmosphere was serene, the food and liquor top shelf, and the company sublime.
“Would you like another Fine Time, madam?” the server asked.
“I’ll have one when dinner arrives.”
“And you sir,” the server looked at Barba. “Another Metropolitan?”
“Yes.” Rafael held up his glass. “Thank you.”
“Very good, sir.”
Barba smiled at Olivia when their server walked away. He wished he could describe the look on her face; he wanted to tell her all about it. They'd known each other for a couple of years now and while there had been some down time on their jobs, each was ready to go at a moment’s notice. She wasn’t ready to go tonight. She didn’t have her phone glued to her hand. She wasn’t in fighting stance, which Olivia Benson could do while sitting, not knowing when the next call was coming and what horror it would be. She looked refreshed, and the candlelight only made it more so.
“I needed this.” She breathed out the words as if she'd been waiting to say them for years.
“I know.” He nodded. “Our jobs are rarely conducive to relaxing nights off.”
“And that’s the last thing we’re going to say about work.”
“You will get no argument out of me on that one. Can I ask you a question?”
“Of course.”
“How close are you and Trevor Langan?”
He couldn’t resist; he had to know. He had no right to know but that wasn’t going to stop him from asking. Olivia had to trust Trevor implicitly for him to spend alone time with Noah. It wasn’t that it bothered Rafael, he refused to call the rock in the pit of his stomach when he got that information bother. He just had to know. There was no point in pontificating the whens and whys…he had to know.
“I've known Trevor since my early SVU days. We traveled a long road together with the Noah adoption so we got to know each other pretty well. I like to think of us as friends, even though we’ve stood on the opposite side of the courtroom more times than I can count. I did blackmail him though.”
“How so?” Barba managed to give the server a friendly nod when his drink was placed on the table. He took a sip of the bourbon.
“I told him that he had to stop taking on sex crime defendants. There are plenty of scum, and decent people, who need representation. The legion of perverts didn’t need him rallying to their defense. White collar defense is his specialty but when you start getting in with some of those upper echelon families…it gets dirty. It was a prerequisite to building a relationship with Noah. He accepted the terms. I think he cares about Noah just as much as Noah cares about him.”
“And you don’t worry that Noah may come to see him as a father figure?”
“One day, when he's old enough to understand, Noah will know that his mother and father passed away. I'm single, at the moment, and there's nothing wrong with that. I think it takes a village and Noah is going to have the most awesome Uncle squad on the planet.”
“Uncle Squad, huh?” Barba smiled. “I like that.”
“Yes, there's Uncle Trevor and Uncle Fin and Uncle Nick in California and Grandpa Don in Florida. There are going to be men in his life who can teach him a million and one things that I hope he will be eager to learn. Raising a child on your own isn't easy, but I never really feel on my own.”
“How does one join this elite Uncle squad? I didn’t hear my name in there, not that I have much I can teach Noah. But if there's paperwork or physical requirements I need to know about…”
“Of course you're in there.” Olivia laughed. “You're the snappiest dresser that I know and you have a solid Harvard education. I’ll make sure that you're the person who introduces Noah to musical theater and coffee runs.”
“I take my coffee very seriously, Olivia Benson. Are you sure you want to do that?”
“I kinda sorta know what I'm doing.”
“Kinda sorta?” Barba smirked.
“Yes. That’s my answer and I'm sticking to it at this time. Any more questions, Counselor?”
“Prosecution rests.”
They smiled at each other as dinner arrived. He thought Olivia’s Long Island duck looked amazing and he was impressed with his own New York strip loin. The server also sat down a side of mashed potatoes and a second Fine Time for Olivia.
“Is there anything else I can bring you, sir?”
“Not at this time…this looks amazing.”
“Enjoy.”
“A toast.” Rafael held up his glass of bourbon. “To musical theater and coffee runs.”
“Hear, hear.”
She bit her lip before taking a drink. Olivia didn’t know what to make of the evening. She was surely having a good time but this was the most personal she and Barba had ever been. He'd been to her place on more than five occasions, always work related. He spent time with her son, mostly when he was there for work.
This seemed like more. This wasn’t a coffee shop to discuss a case or a barroom drinking over cases won or lost. Crown was one of the most expensive, top restaurants in the city. One had to have reservations and needed them far in advance. Did someone cancel on him tonight and she was a suitable replacement? Did he feel uncomfortable telling her so?
Could he have made the reservations for the two of them? That seemed unlikely. Did it seem unlikely? If Olivia kept asking herself too many questions then she would stop enjoying herself. That was something she definitely didn’t want to do. The food and company were too good for that.
000
“In the interest of full disclosure…”
“Ahh, and here it comes.”
“What?” Barba asked.
“I don’t know but something. Are you going to tell me that you left your wallet in your other coat and we’re going to have to wash dishes at closing time?”
“That would be pretty disgraceful.” He laughed. “If that’s ever happened to you on a date, I apologize on behalf of every man.”
“No comment. So, full disclosure.”
“I um, Trevor and I…”
“You don’t have to say anymore.” Olivia smiled. “Full disclosure, Trevor and I have not.”
“I just wanted you to know. I don’t know why but…I needed to be honest with you. You have these two men in your life, your son’s life, and surely we’re not the only men but there is a history there. The time will come when we’re in each other’s presence again and I never want anyone to be uncomfortable.”
“I'm never uncomfortable with you, Rafael.” She shook her head. Then she decided to go out on a limb. “I don’t go on dates with men that make me uncomfortable.”
“I knew that about you…I suspected. I…what?”
“I don’t go out on dates with men that make me uncomfortable.” Olivia repeated. “Yet here we are.”
“Yes.” It was all he could say. As usual, Olivia took hold of the wheel and Barba had no idea where they were going. How was she so good at that?
“So Trevor Thursdays are nothing for you to worry about…full disclosure.”
“Alright.”
Olivia went back to her plate, hiding her smile. If she read the whole thing wrong then Rafael would’ve said. He never had a problem telling someone that they were wrong. When he reached his hand across the table and put it on top of hers, she knew she was right. She turned her palm up, wrapping her fingers around his hand. Rafael didn’t bother to hide his smile.
“Sometimes, even when I want to be anything but, I can be an asshole.” He said. “If that ever happens in a non-work situation, you need to let me know so I can rectify it.”
“Full disclosure?” she asked.
“Full disclosure.” He nodded.
***
Olivia heard the buzz and let herself into the front door of Trevor’s Chelsea apartment building. She took the stairs up to the second floor and walked to the end of the hall. There were two units on the floor but he already had the door open for her.
“I had no idea that you had a date tonight.” He said. He wore sweatpants and Fordham University Law tee shirt.
“It was kind of a surprise.” Olivia said.
“So you keep hot date clothes at the office?”
“Never leave home without them.” She smiled. “Is he asleep?”
“He's out like a light.”
They walked further into the apartment and Olivia saw Noah asleep in the pack and play. He had a fierce grip on his stuffed Sully from Monsters Inc. She just smiled and looked down at him. It had to be a sin to wake such a peaceful baby.
“Are you gonna be OK getting out to a cab?” Trevor asked.
“My friend is waiting for me outside. It’s raining just a bit; did you pick up his windbreaker at daycare?”
“Yeah, it’s in his backpack.”
“OK, I need to use the bathroom.”
“Go, go, I’ll get him up and ready.”
Olivia nodded and walked off down the hall. Trevor watched her for just a bit and then picked Noah up. He barely acknowledged it so that was good. There was no need to redress him, the weather was warm so his Incredible Hulk pajamas would be fine.
Trevor sat on the couch with him, slipping the boy’s arms into the windbreaker, zipping it, and putting the hood over his head. Noah whined some but didn’t quite wake up. Trevor could only smile as he cuddled closer into his chest. Olivia came out of the bathroom; he stood from the couch and handed her the sleeping infant.
“He's getting big, Liv. Someone has been eating their Wheaties.”
“Sometimes I wish he could stay baby sized forever. I know I'm biased but he’s still as cute as a button.” She kissed his sleeping face.
“I'm not prepared to deny the button thing.”
“So are we on for next Thursday?” she walked toward the door, baby in her arms and baby backpack on her back.
“Of course. I was hoping I might be able to see him on Sunday too. I know that’s usually your day and I don’t want to intrude but there's a kite festival in Washington Square Park and think Noah would get a real kick out of it.”
“I was planning to take him to the kite festival.”
“Really? Would it be OK if we went together? I wanted to try and get some happy pictures of him. Usually when we hang out it’s here in the apartment. I've got a few but seeing him run and be free would be great.”
“Sure, you can come with.”
“Great.” He smiled. “This isn't a date.”
“Wow, Trevor, really?”
“What? I don’t want any misunderstanding. You know I think you're amazing and…”
“We have great chemistry; it’s just not the right kind. I get it…you're not shattering my heart in a million pieces. I promise.”
“I just don’t want anything to change. I really enjoy my time with Noah.”
“He loves it too. OK, I gotta go, thanks again.”
Trevor walked them to the door, giving Noah one more kiss before they left. He could only watch them as they went down the steps and headed for the front door. She had a friend waiting outside but it must have been more than a friend. Trevor never liked to judge a woman on her appearance but he'd known Olivia Benson for years. That dress said lets skip dessert at the restaurant and get right to dessert at my apartment.
He wondered who it was. Trevor was glad to see Cassidy go, he never thought they were remotely right for each other. He knew it wasn’t Amaro; Liv never got involved with partners. Maybe next week he would just asked her. The worst she could say is mind your business.
Trevor was already well aware that he should be doing that. She was a friend though, and friends looked after friends. Yeah, friends just needed to make sure everything was OK and this date, whoever he was, was good enough for her. Lots of guys in that city thought they were good enough and they couldn’t be more wrong.
***
Rafael held Noah as Olivia slid into the cab that she hailed. He kept him on his lap sound asleep while Olivia gave her address. She almost thought about taking Noah back but the two of them looked so comfortable. It had taken Barba time to get used to an infant; it wasn’t as instinctual as most people assumed it was. Unable to help herself, Liv pulled her phone from her purse and took a picture. It didn’t come out that well so she put the flash on.
“I'm taking a picture.” She spoke in a low tone as not to wake Noah.
“Why?”
“Because you two are adorable, that’s why. So relax and try not to make it look like a mugshot.”
“Oh that was so funny I forgot to laugh.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
He said it in that sassy tone, a tone Olivia was always kinda fond of. Even when she was on the receiving end of it and she wanted to clobber him. So she leaned to kiss his cheek, sighed, and rested her cheek on his shoulder the entire ride back to Tribeca. Barba’s smile was inescapable when she put her hand in his lap, touching both him and Noah. Is this what it felt like?
Rafael hadn’t felt it in so long…there were times when he was sure he never felt it at all. He’d been in relationships with both men and women. Some were passionate, some were fiery, some were wrong from the word go. But Olivia was different. It was organic, that was the word he used in his head when he debated with himself about it.
She was beautiful, smart, and a challenge to him at every turn. That excited Rafael. He loved being challenged. She wore hard armor to protect her soft heart and beautiful soul. When he made her smile, it would light up the whole room. He'd seen her in low places and he'd seen her in full blown triumph.
The entire Olivia Benson package only made his feelings stronger. Could he call it love? It was hard to love someone you’d yet to really get close to. He cared for her as a friend. He loved her as someone in his life that he never wanted to leave. He loved her for knowing how to make his coffee and for knowing when he’d had enough to drink.
He loved her for sometimes making fun of his ties and meaning it. He loved the way her lips felt as they brushed across his stubbly cheek. The three of them sat so close in the cab, it was hard to not think about it like family. Rafael had a large Cuban family. They weren't as close as many families he knew but the love was there. Sometimes it was hard to feel it; he hid himself away from the constant marriage questions and the idea that relationship goals and statuses were something to discuss at the dinner table.
His late abuelita was the one who understood. Rafael never knew if she knew but she would always say to him ‘Rafi, love who you love. Love with your big, strong, fierce heart. That’s all that matters in the end’. He so wanted to do that. He'd tried several times over the years and it never worked out.
He would love too much or just not enough. Sitting in this New York City cab, riding over a ridiculous amount of potholes and holding onto Noah while he slept with Liv holding onto him, the whole thing seemed easy. It was like getting the answer to a question that had plagued you for years. Nothing this good ever came so easy. The director would soon call cut and they would go back to their separate corners. Right?
“Hmm?” Olivia looked up from his shoulder. She brushed some of his hair back and Rafael quivered.
“I didn’t say anything.”
“I thought I heard you say right.”
“I was thinking aloud.”
“Ahh.” She put her cheek back down.
“Are you dozing off so that I have to do all the hard work with Noah when we get home?”
“I'm dozing off because I'm full of amazing food, the night was wonderful, and I'm warm and content in this cab.”
Rafael shut his mouth after that…there was nothing left to say. This moment was close to perfect and he didn’t want to ruin it. Tonight had been quite nice. He had no idea what came next but he decided, mostly decided, that now wasn’t the time to focus on it. Who would want to miss how this ended?
***