Chapter Text
Viren walked down the stairs from Harrow’s tower. Everything was still a bit of a blur, the only thing he could really focus on was how much pain he was in. He didn’t want to think about where it happened.
How it happened.
Tears threatened to well up as he recalled the state of his best friend. Viren felt like there was something caught in his throat. His grip on his staff tightened.
He took the final step down off the stairs and made his way to the nearest window, avoiding eye-contact like the plague. He couldn’t let anyone see him upset over this.
See him weak.
Viren took in a deep breath through his nose as he surveyed the bustling town. He could smell the bakery from here. Poppy seed, honey and persimmon drifted through the air.
Her favourite.
Looking out the window wasn’t helping. It felt harder to breathe. He looked to the sky as he tried to clear his vision. Clouds had begun rolling in, there would be rain soon. Hopefully no storms…
No lightning.
No Thunder .
Viren took in another breath, through his mouth this time, and figured it was about time he moved on. Start trying to get some work done. He had been neglecting his duties the past few days. Of course, it was a time of mourning, but he didn’t need to. He was fine.
As he walked he started to take a mental list of things he needed to get done. Talk to the farmers about how the spell had affected the land, talk to Opeli too. She had the list of rations. It would need to be altered in light of the recent events, and Harrow was in no state to do that right now. He should also probably prepare a daft speech for Harrow. The people needed reassurances.
He remembered the royal sculptor had been looking for him.
Viren looked up from the ground in front of him and saw people gathering candles, flowers, food and decorations.
Ah, right. The memorial is tomorrow. No wonder the town was so busy. It reminded him of when Harrow’s father died, though far less hectic. There wasn’t a coronation this time around, and there wasn’t a jelly tart filled smile there to cheer anyone up.
He recalled that Soren and Claudia had asked him earlier if they could go out and buy some things for the memorial. He had asked Amaya to look after them and she obliged. She was already going out today anyway. He realised now she was probably trying to get something together herself for the memorial, and that maybe asking that of her was rude.
Viren looked up from the ground again and recognised his surroundings. He didn’t know when he had gotten to the courtyard, but he figured he should sit down for a moment, if only to relieve himself of the pain shooting through him. As he made his way over to the bench, a small hunched figure came into view, curled up on it with a sketchbook and a half-eaten jelly tart all alone. Callum looked like he’d been crying.
“Do you mind if I sit here?” Viren motioned to the unoccupied part of the bench. There was a few seconds of silence, and Viren could feel that tightness returning. He tried to soften his face a bit, remembering how many times Harrow had pointed out that he looked like “a grouch” when he didn’t pay attention to it. He didn't know where Harrow had gotten that word from.
There was a sniffle and a quiet “mhm”. Viren carefully sat down, trying not to agitate his injury further. He let out a sigh when he could finally take the weight off it and balanced his staff beside him.
There was relative silence between the two, with the occasional sniffle, as Viren focused on his breathing. The way Sarai had taught him. He tried not to make it obvious to the few passer-bys. It was another few moments before he realised that Callum was doing the same thing. Slow, deep, purposeful breaths. Exactly the way Sarai had taught it.
Viren turned to him and noticed that he had changed position. No longer curled up but still hunched over his sketchbook. He figured he should say something. He cleared his throat.
“How are you feeling?”
Callum glanced at him, shrugged, and resumed his doodling. Viren didn’t know what “shrug” meant. Harrow would know. He turned his attention to what Callum was drawing. From what he could see, it looked like a bunch of squiggly lines and shapes that appeared to be vaguely in the shape of Sarai.
“Is that your mother?” he asked.
“Mhm”
“Would you.. Um-” Viren paused for a moment to choose how he would go about this “- like to talk to me about it?”
There was silence between the two as Callum stopped his drawing and for a moment Viren cursed himself, thinking he had screwed up and crossed a line. Then, slowly, Callum turned to him with tears in his eyes and a frown covered in jelly tart crumbs.
“I have a lot of big feelings,” was all he said.
Viren recalled Sarai and Harrow’s “Big Feelings Time” that he had seen them do with Callum on occasion, and he realised that Harrow and Callum probably hadn’t talked about… this… together - properly at least - since he was informed. He didn’t want to cross a line, this wasn’t his kid after all, but Viren knew how devastated Harrow was right now and how hard it was for the king to even get out of bed.
“Do you want to do… Big Feelings Time?”
“Yeah.”
He couldn’t believe that he was doing this.
Viren took another deep breath and listened as Callum began to speak.
“At first, it didn’t feel like she was gone, but then it did, and it hurts and it’s hard to breathe and I can’t stop crying-” Callum was cut off with a sob, his breathing changing to quick and shallow, tears spilling down his face. The look he gave Viren made him feel like he had been struck in the heart.
“I miss her,” Callum forced out with another sob.
He was right, this was a terrible idea. He didn’t know how to respond. Does he hug him? Say something reassuring? Viren had always been terrible at this. He noticed the way his vision blurred, the ache in his chest returning tenfold. Panicked words and sentences filled his head. Viren struggled to sort through them all as they barraged him and by the time he had found the appropriate thing to say, the lump in his throat had returned.
He opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out.
Instead, the tears he had been desperately fending off for the past couple days finally defeated his defences and began pouring down his face.
Viren turned his head away from Callum.
He would not let him see how weak he was.
The courtyard was quiet for the time being, even if there were still people out and about in the rest of the castle. Too quiet. Viren couldn’t help it when his thoughts drifted back to that morning.
The hand that reached out to him.
The thunderous roar.
The feeling of lightning at his back.
Seeing the light leaving her eyes.
He could think of how it was his fault she died. How he had been a reckless fool to try and take on Thunder . How he should have-
Viren nearly jumped out of his skin when he felt a small hand against his arm.
“It’s okay to also have big feelings.” Callum’s voice was small and shaky, but the way he had said it reminded him of Harrow.
Viren would have laughed at the idea of the child he was trying to comfort comforting him instead. He tried looking back at the blob that was now Callum. Everything was blurry, the only thing he could see clearly being streaks of lightning that invaded his vision.
The small hand was still there, pressing firmer now.
“Mom says-” a pause “-said, that when you’re panicking and all your thoughts are all jumbled up, you have to breathe. Like this-” Callum demonstrated the breathing technique, and without thinking, Viren mimicked him. He hadn’t even realised his breathing was so out of control. He blinked away his remaining tears.
His throat hurt. So did his chest. Now that he thought about it, nearly everything hurt. And he was tired. So tired. He hadn’t slept much, the sound of thunder still haunting his dreams and twisting them into nightmares.
He recalled when Sarai had first taught him her breathing technique. The three of them had been camping and he had woken them up with a nightmare. He didn’t remember much about that night, but he did remember how fast he had been able to calm down, and how it felt when Harrow gave him a hug only Harrow could give.
“Sarai taught me how to do it too. Many years ago, around when we had first become friends.” Viren said it without thinking, almost not even registering he had said it at first.
“What happened?”
Viren didn’t want to elaborate on his slip-up, but the way Callum looked at him with pleading eyes, her eyes, he was helpless to resist so he sighed and continued.
“It was on a camping trip. Harrow wasn’t king yet, so he had a lot more free time to spend with his friends. He wanted me and Sarai to come with him so we could be “best friends”, as he had put it,” Viren laughed to himself at how silly and trivial something like that was nowadays, “Later that night though, I had a nightmare and woke everyone up. I can’t remember what the nightmare was about, but what I do know is that no matter what I tried, I couldn’t seem to calm down.”
Callum looked like he was at the edge of his seat with anticipation. He motioned for Viren to continue. Viren nearly smiled.
“Your mother sat down in front of me and started breathing very, very loudly. Sometimes she would count, other times she would simply say when she was breathing in and out. Harrow thought she had gone crazy. But after a minute or two, I had started copying her. I had never calmed down so quickly before. Sarai then explained what she had been doing, and showed both me and Harrow how to do it properly.”
Callum looked ecstatic and it appeared that he had stopped crying. He motioned again for Viren to continue. Viren smiled this time.
“That’s all there is to the story I’m afraid.”
“Can you tell me some more stories?”
He was taken aback, eyes widened slightly and any good posture he had been maintaining throughout this conversation was lost.
“Wouldn’t you rather hear stories from someone else? Your aunt Amaya? Harrow?” Callum shook his head with each name said. Viren once again felt like he was crossing the line. He felt guilty, even. He shouldn’t be the one doing this. This was supposed to be a moment Harrow could have with him. He didn’t want to have to dig through all those memories that were now tainted.
Callum’s eyes looked pleading. Viren’s displayed what he could only assume was discomfort. He had just opened his mouth to tell Callum that it was probably better to ask someone, anyone , else, when he was tackled.
Viren nearly fell backwards at the awkward hug, and nearly shuddered when he could hear Callum sniffling against his clothes. He nearly pulled Callum away, but before he could wriggle his arms out he heard the smallest, quietest and most desperate “ Please ” he had ever heard in his entire life.
He sighed.
Viren wriggled his arms out and, hesitantly, wrapped them around Callum. It felt incredibly awkward at first, but after a few seconds he managed to relax into it. After what felt like an eternity, they both pulled back. Callum had snot coming out of his nose and his eyes looked puffy. Viren glanced down at his clothes and confirmed that there was, in fact, snot, tears and jelly tart crumbs all over them. He once again repressed a shudder.
“Okay, I’ll tell you a few stories-” Callum instantly lit up “- but before I do, we both have to get cleaned up. Is that a fair deal?”
Callum sagged as that second part was added but nodded enthusiastically regardless and immediately got up with his sketchbook in one hand and Viren’s sleeve in his other pulling him along, determined to get to the stories as fast as possible.
A half-eaten jelly tart lay on the bench completely forgotten.