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The final school bell rang, chasing Kiyi out of her thoughts and into her trembling hands. As the rest of the students poured out of the classrooms and scattered across the yard, Kiyi’s heart raced with anticipation and anxiety. She spotted Tom-Tom near one of the trees, a book in his hands.
A hand gripped her shoulder, startling her out of her nervousness for a second. She whirled around in alarm to see Sulan, her best friend. “Sulan!” She exclaimed, her palms balled up. “Don’t scare me like that!”
Her friend giggled unabashedly. “Sorry! So, are you gonna do it?” She nodded at Tom-Tom in the most unsubtle way.
Kiyi ran a hand through her short hair. “I-yeah! I’m ready.” She had been preparing for this all week. How could she not be ready?
Apparently Sulan had other thoughts. She pursed her lips and looked Kiyi up and down. “You don’t look ready.”
Kiyi unfurled her palms and threw them in the air. “Alright, I’m doing it!” A moment passed, then another. She took a deep breath. “Ok, let’s do this.” Sulan gave her a nervous smile as Kiyi gathered her courage. She took a deep breath, smoothed the imaginary wrinkles on her jacket, then confidently started walking over to Tom-Tom.
Her steps faltered almost immediately as doubt started creeping into her mind. Her palms grew clammy, and her mouth suddenly felt dry. Despite her best intentions and her friend’s encouraging gaze, she couldn’t shake off the nervousness that threatened to stop her.
But she found her way in front of him nonetheless. She didn’t even register that she was just standing in front of him until he looked up and smiled at her. Why was she so nervous? She’d known Tom-Tom since she was ten. Yeah, she thought as she looked at his amber eyes and messy black hair and boyish smile, no reason she should be nervous at all.
“Hey, Kiyi,” he said, gently bookmarking his book then closing it. “What’s up?”
She felt awkward standing over him, so she lowered herself into the grass in front of him, cross legged. “Physics was hard today, huh?” She figured an easy topic would be an easy icebreaker. Her sister’s voice suddenly started berating her. Why should she need an icebreaker? He was her friend, conversation should be the easiest thing in the world with him.
Tom-Tom laughed. “I swear, Miss Ningka loves to give us the hardest questions ever. I don’t think she understands that we’re literally still teenagers.”
She laughed in return, though it was forced. “Yeah she really doesn’t…” She forced herself to recover before an awkward silence fell on them. “Hey, what are you doing this Saturday evening?”
Her friend scrunched his face up in concentration. “Uh, I think I’m visiting Mai in the city then. Why?”
A burning sensation filled her. She realized it was her cheeks. “Oh - okay, then how about Sunday? I - I just wanna, uh, hang out.”
Tom-Tom frowned and looked at her apologetically. “Sorry, I should’ve been more clear. I’m staying in the city overnight.”
He opened his mouth again to say something else but Kiyi didn’t let him continue. She muttered out a quick “That’s alright!” before getting up and walking - nearly sprinting - back towards Sulan, leaving a confused Tom-Tom in her wake. While her eyes were thankfully dry, her face never felt more uncomfortable and miserable.
Her friend grimaced. “Not good, huh?”
Kiyi shook her head and buried her face in her hands. The first thing she was going to do when she got home was scream into a pillow. “I fucked up.”
“Yeah, you fucked up.” Azula’s voice was lazy and officious, yet she said it as if talking about the weather.
Kiyi huffed as she looked up at her sister’s face. She was laying on her back on the bench they were sitting on, her head on Azula’s lap. “Yeah, I did, thanks for pointing out the obvious!”
They were in the neighborhood park, a nice, tranquil area that happened to be empty today. It was a couple days after Kiyi’s failed attempt to ask out Tom-Tom, yet the shame and failure of it was still fresh in her memory. Thankfully, Azula was visiting this weekend, having taken time off her busy job to grab some stuff from home and visit Kiyi.
Azula glanced at her nails. “What’s his name again? Something stupid right? Mai mentioned it once and honestly, I couldn’t have made up a dumber name if I tried.”
Kiyi rolled her eyes. “It’s Tom-Tom.”
Azula burst out laughing, to her mortification. “Tom-Tom!? What kind of imbecile name is that!”
She groaned, but she couldn’t help it and eventually joined in her sister’s laughter. She loved Azula’s laugh, as off-beat and lilting as it was. “It’s not that bad! And that's not his actual name, you know! It’s Tomiko.”
Azula calmed herself, putting a perfect hair back into place. “Yes, you’re right. Tomiko is so much better…which makes me question your judgment.”
“I like him, Azula. He’s been my friend for years and he’s always been kind and funny, and y’know…he’s just great.”
Azula scoffed, but Kiyi could see in her eyes that she understood. “I was hoping you’d have some advice for me…please?”
Her sister was quiet for a beat. No doubt she was thinking of her past relationships. Kiyi couldn’t help but remember Sokka, Azula’s ex-boyfriend of almost four years. They were so happy at first, Kiyi thought pensively, until the years gradually pulled them in different directions. They had remained friends since and Azula had even gone to his wedding with Suki five months ago, but Kiyi could tell she still missed him no matter how dismissive she tried to act about it.
Azula finally broke the silence. “Let’s start with what you did. Did you make it clear that it was a date?”
Kiyi sat up and leaned her head against her fist. “No…I said I wanted to hang out.”
“I’m resisting the urge to roll my eyes right now. If you say it’s just hanging out, then that’s what he’s going to treat it as.”
“Ok, so you’re saying be upfront with him. That I should say it’s a date?” That didn’t make sense. Who plays it honest in the dating game? Then again, she was only sixteen.
Azula snapped her fingers, the sound sharp and commanding. “Exactly. Boys are stupid. You need to tell them to their face what you want. What you need. Only then will they understand.”
She nodded slowly. “Okay, be direct. I think I get it.”
“Do you? Did you offer an alternative date when he said he was busy?” Azula looked at her with a raised eyebrow. Of course, Kiyi knew her sister already knew the answer. She just wanted her to say it herself.
“I asked for Sunday but he was busy that day too…”
“Then you ran away.”
Kiyi’s lip curled to one side. “Yup.”
“It’s you who’s initiating, Kiyi. You can’t expect him to say ‘oh, but I’m free at blah and blah time’. And you can’t run away if he doesn’t! You suggest it, you take control.” Azula got up from the bench and stretched, her figure all poise and athleticism. “Be grateful you’re asking me and not Zuzu. He’d probably suggest you write on a sign ‘Date Me: Yes or No?’ or something equally idiotic.”
Kiyi was hanging onto her sister’s every word now. Everything she was saying just made sense, somehow. She leaned forward with a smile. “Got it. Anything else?”
Azula tapped a finger against her chin and sighed. “Yes. And I’ll say this because I’ve known you for years, Kiyi, and in that painfully long time I’ve watched you grow into a beautiful, if careless, young woman.”
Her sister’s voice was low now, with none of its faux-condescension or loftiness. “I should have given you this talk years ago. Thankfully - or unfortunately - you haven’t been dense enough to start dating until now.”
“Hey! I had that one boy-”
“-who lasted a month and made you cry for two. Kiyi, listen to me.” Azula’s tone brooked no argument. She sat back down on the bench and looked Kiyi in the eye. It was a deep look, as if her sister was trying to see past her skin and into her soul. “You are worth more than you’ll ever know. Never, ever, settle for less than that. You are sister to me and Zuko and the niece of Uncle but you are also more than that - you are your own person with flaws and qualities and anyone - anyone - who rejects that or tells you to be otherwise should be burnt to the fucking ground. Or I’ll do it, if you won’t. Even if that person is Tom-Tom.”
Azula finished her speech by flashing a smile at her, the flippant one she always used for mocking her and her friends. Kiyi didn’t know what to say. “I - uh, I’ll remember that.”
“Of course you will. And in time you’ll thank me.” Her sister’s posture went back to her usual lackadaisical pose.
She didn’t really know how to respond to that so instead she quietly said, “thanks for spending the day with me.” Kiyi meant it too. She didn’t see much of Azula now that she was working full time for their congressman. “So, how’s your job going?”
Azula laughed, this time harsh and cruel. “Well, Congressman Feng just won re-election - no thanks to me, his excellent Chief of Staff - so I’m set for the next two years. But for the next election…well, let’s just say he may not be able to count on my help so easily then.”
Kiyi thought about her sister’s words for a second. Then it hit her like a train. “No way! You’re running against Long Feng!? But don’t you need to be like forty to run for office?”
Her sister looked at her like she was a rotting apple. “Is that what they’re teaching you at school? The age requirement is twenty-five, dum dum, and I’ll be well above that by next election.”
Kiyi looked at her in awe. “Well, you have my vote. Feng won’t stand a chance against you.”
Azula’s manicured hand waved her off. “He was never even a player.”
She giggled. “Not when you’re writing his speeches for him.” She was rewarded with a coy smile from her sister.
“So then, you’ll try again? On this boy with a foolish name?”
“Absolutely. Now that I have advice from the great and powerful Azula, I feel unstoppable.” Kiyi meant it. She felt so much more confident now that she was armed with Azula’s advice.
Azula smirked then sighed, and this time she sounded sad. She suddenly appeared what Kiyi had only ever seen a handful times before in her: vulnerable. “I know I’ve been busy and I hardly ever make time for you or Uncle or Zuko-”
Kiyi was taken aback. She didn’t think Azula would ever harbor doubts about that. “Azula, it’s fine, we understand. You know we love you.“
“Let me finish, I just… I know this is going to sound out of nowhere, but it’s not.” Kiyi stayed silent, curious at what Azula had to say.
Her sister never looked more still, or lost in her thoughts. “I want you to know that whatever happens, wherever you go in life, you can talk to me about it. The boys - or girls - you date, the drugs you do, the parties you attend, the stupid things you try…I’ll understand. I’ve been there.”
Kiyi blushed. “Azula, I’m not going to do any of that stuff.”
Azula continued, unfazed. “You will, but if you don’t then that’s fine too. But either way, you have your sister to talk to about it. Even when you think you don’t.”
There was a melancholy in Azula’s voice, a tone Kiyi rarely ever heard. She wondered who was there to talk to Azula about those things when she was her age. Or if there was anyone at all.
“I love you, Azula.” Overcome with emotion, she wrapped her arms around her older sister, feeling her thin but familiar frame. “I do. Thank you for the advice.”
Kiyi could feel Azula shudder almost imperceptibly with surprise, but she returned the hug anyway. She felt Azula stroke her hair as if Kiyi was eight again. She didn’t mind. They stayed in their embrace, letting the soft wind and warm sky carry this moment for as long as possible before it turned to a memory.
The classroom buzzed with the energy of students settling into their seats. Kiyi knew she didn’t have a lot of time - class started in a few minutes and she didn’t want to wait until after. She remembered her sister’s poise and advice and hung onto it like a lifeline.
Sulan passed by her table while on her way to another class. “How’re you feeling?”
Kiyi’s mouth was drier than Uncle’s pastries. But she felt unshakeable. “I’m ready.”
Her friend looked at her for a moment, then grinned. “You look ready.”
Sulan gave her a thumbs-up and left. As if on cue, Tom-Tom took her place and slid into the seat next to her. He gave her a tentative smile, then started talking about his weekend with his own sister.
Taking a deep breath, Kiyi gathered her courage as her heart raced. Now or never. Azula's words echoed in her mind: "You suggest it, you take control."
She gently interrupted his rambling. "Hey, Tom-Tom. I just want to say - about last week -"
Tom-Tom shook his head. “Don’t worry, that was nothing.”
Kiyi refused to let her nerves get the best of her. She took the plunge. “The thing is…the thing is I was trying to ask you on a date.” She made sure to end the last word on a high note instead of saying it meekly.
Then her heart fluttered in anticipation as she watched his expression go from amiable to stunned. She fought down a giggle. Azula was right, boys were really just…people when you stripped away the veneer of hormones and angst. He was just as clumsy as her, she realized.
When he didn’t say anything, she continued. "And I still want to! I was thinking maybe coffee or a movie? I - I really like spending time with you. Just talking about our annoying sisters is a lot of fun for me,” she finished lamely but Tom-Tom just laughed, his astonishment broken.
His lips curved into a warm smile. "Kiyi, that sounds great!” He rubbed his forehead sheepishly. “Sorry I didn’t pick up on that last week. I'd really like to do that. Go out, I mean.”
Kiyi can hardly contain her excitement. She blushed, feeling an intoxicating mix of relief and joy. "That's awesome! Ok, how about we meet up Wednesday after-school? We can decide on the details later."
Tom-Tom nodded enthusiastically. "Sounds perfect! I can't wait-"
As if waking from a dream, the two of them abruptly noticed the whole class had fallen silent and was staring at them. They looked around and everyone around them erupted into giggling, as if their conversation was the funniest and most interesting thing in the world. “Kiyi and Tom-Tom are going on a date!”
“About time you two!”
"Kiss now!"
“I was starting to think he was into guys!”
Kiyi imagined they both looked red as could be but she stood her ground. She whirled around to face her nosy classmates, a rush of emotions surging through her. “Mind your own business you guys! Go find your own dates or I swear this physics textbook is gonna knock some heads around!”
Before anyone could say anything else, Miss Ningka walked in and everyone immediately shut up and sat in their seats, though Kiyi could feel some eyes and smiles digging into her back. It didn’t matter. She turned her head and exchanged a flustered smile with an awed Tom-Tom, relieved and thrilled that she finally took the leap and landed.
As Miss Ningka started droning on about the importance of centripetal forces, she whipped out her phone under the table and shot Azula a quick text.
Everything worked out! I did it! He said yes! Ur a genius, sis
She smiled with anticipation and excitement, which only grew when she felt her phone vibrate a minute later. Azula’s response was, of course, succinct and consisted of only five words.
Great job. Proud of you.
Somehow, Kiyi could feel the smile behind Azula's laconic text. A tear fell on the phone screen but she wiped it off. She had to pay attention to the lecture. She forced herself to look forward and think about physics. It didn’t work, naturally.
Instead Kiyi smiled and let her thoughts float on her happiness, thinking of all the sappy and vexing things she was going to tell Azula when she saw her again.