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Their morning was as normal as ever. Eddie woke first- as usual- in the midst of sunrise. The moment his alarm went off, Buck was groaning and turning away from Eddie to pull the blankets over his head. Eddie sat up in bed, turned off his alarm, and gave himself a few minutes to fully wake up.
Soft tangerine rays from the rising sun poured into the room through the curtains. The early February chill from the cracked window filled the entire room. It’s not ideal for Eddie, but Buck needs it. He needs the window cracked while he sleeps, and he especially loves sleeping in the cold, and Eddie loves Buck so he’s always the one to crack the window and turn on the ceiling fan before they go to bed.
Eddie rubbed his tired eyes, “Buck,” he said softly looking over at the lump of blanket that his boyfriend was buried under.
Buck groaned, “Five more minutes,” his voice muffled by the fabric piled on top of him.
“I already gave you seven,” Eddie retaliated as he pulled the blankets off of Buck’s head much to the man’s dismay.
Buck grumpily pouted up at Eddie, “then give me three more,” he mumbled then threw the blankets back over his head.
And Eddie thought all this time that it was difficult getting Christopher up in the mornings. He grabbed the blankets once again and fully pulled them off of Buck who then whined and turned over to lay on his stomach and bury his face in his pillow.
“Come on, Buck,” Eddie said gently pushing on the younger’s hip to urge him out of bed, “it’s your turn to take Chris to school, which means you needed to be up and in the shower like ten minutes ago.”
“I’m up,” Buck’s voice was muffled due to being shoved into the pillow which made Eddie let out a soft laugh.
“I’m trusting you to be in the shower by the time I get Christopher up,” Eddie said as he started to get out of bed.
Buck mumbled something that Eddie could not make out, and before he left the bedroom he made his way over to Buck’s side of the bed, leaned down, and placed a gentle kiss on the top of his head where tousled dark blonde curls rested.
Christopher was no easier to wake up, he went through the same routine of throwing the blankets over his head and shoving his face in his pillow. Even after all these years it still amazes Eddie how much alike his son and Buck are.
When he finally got Christopher sitting up in bed, that’s when he made his way to the kitchen to start a pot of coffee. Chris then finally made his way into the kitchen and sat on a stool at the island just as Eddie finished pouring milk into his cereal and pushed the bowl toward his son.
As Chris ate his breakfast, Eddie went on to explain that Carla would be picking him up for school but he would be staying with Pepa for the weekend since he and Buck would be working a twenty-four hour shift.
When the coffee was finished brewing, Eddie began making Buck’s cup first.
“Are you taking me to school?” Christopher questioned before he shoved a spoonful of cereal into his mouth.
“Nope, you got me today, buddy.” Buck chirped as he entered the kitchen, seeming more energized after his morning shower. He eagerly took his cup of coffee from Eddie’s hands. After he took a test sip he hummed satisfyingly. “Perfect as always.” He gleamed and gave a quick kiss on Eddie’s cheek.
“Don’t forget you have to sign the permission slip for the aquarium field trip,” Christopher said before he finished his cereal. “It’s due today.” He added.
“Permission slip? I never got a permission slip.” Eddie said, confused at his son’s words.
Buck set down his cup of coffee, “it’s been pinned on the fridge for weeks, Eddie. I got it.” He took the little pink slip off of the refrigerator and moved to the kitchen’s designated junk drawer where he fished out a pen.
“Dad has to sign it!” Christopher said loudly to stop Buck from bringing the ink of his signature to paper. “It says a parent has to sign.” He added.
“Right,” Buck cleared his throat, “what was I thinking.” He said as he shook his head. He then went and handed the form and pen to Eddie, and Eddie couldn’t help but notice the hint of pain in ocean blue eyes as he took the objects from Buck.
Eddie quickly scribbled down his signature on the designated line then looked up at his son. “Alright, permission slip signed, breakfast done, time to get dressed,” Christopher was already getting up and making his way out of the kitchen, “don’t forget to brush your teeth and use mouthwash,” Eddie added before Chris was out of the room completely.
Buck and Eddie then began preparing Christopher’s lunch. Buck grabbed the sandwich ingredients from the refrigerator while Eddie got out the bread. They worked in sync, Eddie made the sandwich while Buck packed in extra snacks into Christopher’s lunchbox. Their actions were normal, doing what they did every school morning, but Buck’s demeanor wasn’t and Eddie was painfully aware of it.
“You okay?” Eddie asked and gave a quick glance over to Buck who was oddly quiet.
Buck didn’t say anything, only nodded his head but Eddie knew better than to leave it as it was.
“You could have signed the permission slip, you know,” Eddie said. He thought that was what was bothering Buck considering that was when his demeanor shifted. “If you ask me, the school doesn’t care who signs it as long as it doesn’t look like one of the kids did it then they just accept it,” Eddie added, trying his best to reassure Buck that it really was not that big of a deal which one of them signed the form.
Buck shakes his head, still not looking at Eddie. “The slip says parent signature.” He turned away to grab a juice pouch out of the refrigerator.
“Which, technically, you are.” Eddie asserted, but Buck’s attitude didn’t seem to pick up again. So, Eddie went on to say, “All of Christopher’s teachers know you. You’re on the dropoff and pickup list, you’ve chaperoned school dances and field trips before. Hell, you have been to every school play and concert that Chris has been in, and that was even before we got together. I promise, Buck, they wouldn’t have minded if you signed a piece of paper.”
That was when Buck finally looked at Eddie, hurt pooling in his brilliant blue irises. “But apparently Chris does.”
The pieces clicked into place and Eddie swears he could hear the way Buck’s heart snapped as he said the words. Eddie knows all too well about the way Buck never had felt wanted a good majority of his life, and it has been something he’s been working on for months now and he has really been doing better, but sometimes the smallest thing can trigger those feelings to come back full force, and it just so as happens that a piece of paper in need of a signature was that trigger.
“Hey,” Eddie said as he grabbed Buck’s hand and made him turn so they could be face-to-face. “You know that is not what he meant.” Buck tried to pull away but Eddie kept him in place. “Chris loves you so much, you know that. He just likes things a particular way, and I’m sure the reason he didn’t think you could sign it wasn’t because he doesn’t see you as a parent but because first and foremost he sees you as Buck. His Buck. I promise that he had no intentions of hurting you.” Eddie reached up and brushed strands of damp dark blonde hair away from Buck’s forehead.
Buck then half-smiled. “You’re right. I’m just making a big deal out of nothing. Sorry.” He tried turning away again, but Eddie knew better than to let Buck brush it off.
He pulled Buck closer to him then said, “I'm not saying that you’re not allowed to be upset either.” He clarified. “You don’t have to apologize for feeling hurt and don’t try to bury it either. I just don’t want you to overthink it, and become self-destructive over a little misunderstanding.” He leaned up and placed a gentle kiss on Buck’s soft lips.
He could feel the way Buck smiled against him. It’s so idyllic how the world seems to melt away every single time they kiss. Time always feels as if it stops the moment their lips touch, and it has felt that way since their first kiss eight months ago and that feeling hasn’t yet gone away with every single one since, and Eddie doesn’t think it ever will.
“We have to go, Buck,” Christopher said, which made Buck and Eddie quickly pull away from each other in realization that they have yet to finish packing Christopher’s lunchbox.
“Alright, lunchbox, permission slip,” Eddie said as he was neatly putting the items in his son’s backpack and zipped it up, “I love you, be good. I will see you on Sunday.” Eddie said handing over the backpack to Buck and giving Chris a kiss on the top of the head before the two went out the door.
Then it was Eddie’s turn to shower and get ready before Buck comes back and the two of them would have to be out of the door to head to their twenty-four hour shift.
He simply changed into a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie- which he believes to be Buck’s due to the light citrus and mint scents emitting from it- choosing to be comfortable since he would just have to change at the station anyways.
By the time he has started to clean up the morning mess in the kitchen, Buck is walking back into the house. A puzzled look on his face as he enters the kitchen where Eddie starts the dishwasher. Eddie notices how it seems that Buck is lost in thought, so he points it out.
“Everything okay?” He asks as he dries his hands on a paper towel before tossing it in the garbage.
Buck doesn’t seem to come out of his thoughts completely when he says, “Yeah, it’s just…”
Eddie waits patiently for Buck to sort out his thoughts in order to continue. There’s only about a minute of silence between them before Eddie’s morning gets totally flipped upside down by the words that spill from Buck’s mouth.
“Do you ever want to get married again?”
Eddie’s heart stops and his whole body tenses. It feels as if the question has knocked him off of his feet by how unexpected and out of the blue it is. He and Buck never talked about marriage before, hell they haven’t even been dating for a year yet, and have been living together for less!
Marriage has never even passed in one single conversation they’ve had as a couple. So, where the hell is this coming from?
Eddie clears his throat. “I hope you’re not about to ask me a serious question that is usually presented with a ring.”
Buck softly laughs. “No, it’s just something that happened to cross my mind.” Eddie lets out a deep breath of relief as his body begins to relax again. “But would you want to?” Buck asks again.
Eddie ponders that question for a moment. “I, uh- I don’t know. I haven’t really given myself the opportunity to actually think about that.” And that is the truth.
After Shannon, after Shannon asked for a divorce which was then immediately followed by her death, Eddie never really stopped to think about what would happen next. Marriage had not even crossed his mind with Ana, hell he had a panic attack thinking about a future with her, so marriage was definitely off the table just as their entire relationship was.
“Why?” Eddie then questions, “Do you want to get married?” His voice is quiet and he cannot help the nervousness that slips into it.
The few moments of Buck being silent is agonizing, but eventually, he says, “I never thought it was an option for me. I mean Abby was my first real relationship, and even if she didn’t leave I don’t think marriage would have been the endgame there. With Ali- I don’t know. I feel like we ended before we even got a real chance to start. And, I loved Taylor but I don’t think in a way I was supposed to. Even if we got through the mess of what we were, I don’t think marriage was what either of us wanted or needed with each other.”
“I think the problem is me,” Buck states, making Eddie cock his head to the side, “I mean with the lifelong amount of abandonment issues I have, I don’t think I could ever propose to someone because that fear of them taking off the next second is always going to be lingering right over me.”
“And I know,” Buck starts the moment Eddie opens his mouth to speak, “you can’t let fear control you, it’s self-destructive. I can’t help it though, especially when it comes to people leaving me my entire life.”
Eddie lets Buck’s words process in his mind for a moment. Is Buck really trying to say what Eddie thinks?
“So,” Eddie starts slowly, “if it ever came to it, you’d want someone to propose to you? Just so you would know that you’re something they really want. That they’re in for the long run with you.”
Buck sighs, “Yeah. For someone who has gone literally more than half of my life not feeling wanted, that type of commitment would only make me believe that someone does love me enough to even ask that question. It’s not just about getting married but it’s the promise of being willing to stay .”
Oh God.
Buck really is saying what Eddie thinks he is. He wants to get married. He wants Eddie to ask him to marry him. Are they even ready for it? When are they even supposed to be ready? Is there some sort of time limit? Is Buck expecting him to propose in a certain time frame that Eddie doesn’t even know about?
“Eddie!” Buck half-shouts which snaps Eddie out of his thoughts, “Come on, we’re gonna be late.”
How is Eddie supposed to get through a twenty-four hour shift knowing what he does now? He can’t just turn off his brain, can’t just forget this conversation as if it doesn’t have his mind scrambled. He tries, on the drive to the station, he tries to get out of his head to be able to focus on work for the rest of the day and leading into tomorrow.
Hen notices something is off the minute Eddie steps out of the locker room in his uniform. She’s asking him all kinds of pestering questions.
Are you sick? Are you getting sick? Not enough sleep? Did something happen with Christopher? Is your family okay? Are you okay? Are you and Buck okay? Did something bad happen with you and Buck?
Eddie loves Hen, he really does, and he knows she means well but he really needs her to stop asking him endless questions. He assures her that he is alright, that everything is alright, they just had a hectic morning and she doesn’t have to worry.
Hen dropped it then, but Eddie knew better than to believe that she wouldn’t let it go because two hours later on a call Chim pulled him to the side and began asking him the same questions Hen did.
“Like I told Hen, everything is fine. You two really need to just drop it.” Eddie rolls his eyes at his friend.
“You’re not acting yourself, Eddie. It’s like you're lost inside your mind and no matter how hard we try to pull you out you only go in deeper.” Chim responds, trying to get Eddie to see where he’s coming from. “Can you blame us for being a little worried?”
“There is nothing to worry about.” His voice falters, and immediately Chim knows that he’s lying.
Just as Chimney is about to call him out, Bobby shouts towards the two, signaling for them to pack up so they can head back to the station.
“Saved by the bell,” Chim mumbles right as Eddie is turning to walk away from him.
Chim and Hen of course don’t stop, and Eddie is sure they brought Bobby into it because he begins to notice that he starts keeping a close eye on Eddie periodically during the day, but he doesn’t start pestering him with questions which Eddie is grateful for.
In fact, Buck seems to be the only one in the dark about Eddie’s odd demeanor because he goes on as if it’s a normal day. As if he didn’t blatantly hint at the fact that he is expecting Eddie to propose to him.
It’s a painful shift, with Hen and Chimney constantly checking in on him, and Bobby’s not so subtle concerned eyes catching him. Eddie admits that he spaces out at times, and he really is not fully himself which shows, so he gets the concern from his friends.
By the time it hits one in the morning, Buck stands from his spot right next to Eddie on the sofa in the loft of the station.
“Okay, I’m heading to the bunks,” he says, stretching his arms above his head which makes the bottom of his shirt rise to reveal the soft plush skin of his stomach that Eddie can’t help but stare at. “You coming?” Buck looks down at Eddie expectedly.
“Oh, um probably in a few minutes,” Eddie responds to which Buck nods, leans down, and gives him a quick kiss.
They try to keep their relationship out of the fire station, away from the prying eyes of their friends and other co-workers, but sometimes they really can’t help sneaking in a kiss or two. It’s not like they’re a secret anyways.
“I’m never not going to be shocked by seeing that.” Hen states from her spot in the armchair as Buck pulls away from Eddie with a smile.
“At least you didn’t have to walk in on them with their tongues down each other’s throats. In my own home nonetheless,” Chim says walking back from the kitchen area with a bottle of water in hand.
Eddie can feel his cheeks go hot as Buck looks between Chim and Hen with a mischievous smirk on his face. “That was just the preview of the type of show we could actually put on.” Both Hen and Chimney grimace at Buck’s words as Eddie smacks him on the stomach.
“Okay, go to bed before you reveal everything that we do that should be kept behind closed doors,” Eddie says with embarrassment laced through his voice.
Buck laughs as says his goodnights before heading downstairs and to the bunk room. Once Eddie is sure that he is completely out of view and earshot, he takes a deep breath and turns to Hen and Chim.
“I think Buck wants me to propose.” He blurts out quickly but keeps his voice low in fear of anyone else besides the three of them hearing.
Chimney chokes on his sip of water and Hen sits up with wide eyes.
“What do you mean?” Hen asks, confusion written all over her face as Chim continues to cough.
Eddie takes a deep breath before explaining. “This morning, after he dropped Christopher off at school, he asked me if I ever wanted to get married again. Then he basically went on to say that if there ever comes a time where marriage is an option, he feels as if he can’t be the one to propose because of his fear of abandonment. And I think that was him hinting at the fact that he wants me to propose to him.”
Chimney finally catches his breath. “Are you guys really ready for that though? I mean have you even talked about marriage before?”
Eddie shakes his head and runs his hand through his hair. “No. Not even in passing, so I don’t even know where it came from or why he brought it up.”
“Did you ask him? About why he is all of a sudden thinking about getting married?” Hen questions.
“The conversation was over before it even began because we had to come here,” Eddie responds with an exasperated sigh.
Chim moves to sit on the sofa. “So, what are you going to do?”
Eddie takes a moment to think. What is he going to do? What does he feel he is supposed to do?
“I have to propose, right?” Eddie says, unsure of the question himself.
“Woah, woah, woah,” Hen starts with urgency, “don’t do it if you feel you have to. It has to be because you want it yourself not because you think it’s expected of you. Don’t end your marriage before it even begins, Eddie.”
“Well, do you want to get married? To Buck?” Chim follows up Hen’s words with his own questions.
“I love him.” Eddie is immediate with his response.
Hen shakes her head sadly. “That’s not an answer, Eddie. Marriage is a big step that you know you want to take. If you propose before you're ready and Buck finds out…”
“He has issues with being wanted as it is,” Chim continues on for Hen, “if he feels like you, out of all people, don’t want him…”
“It would destroy him.” Hen finishes when Chim trails off.
Eddie rubs his face in frustration, “But what if he is expecting me to? What if he really wants me to and I don’t and then it ends with him not feeling like I want him anyways?”
“Talk to him.” Hen persists.
Chim nods. “Yeah, for all you know this could all be a huge misunderstanding.”
Eddie slumps back against the sofa and lets himself sink into the cushions. He knows Hen and Chim are right. He knows that he definitely shouldn’t propose to Buck unless he himself knows that he is ready for that step.
But what if he’s never ready? What if he keeps Buck waiting and waiting and waiting for something that will never come? He either proposes too soon and loses Buck or never proposes and loses him anyways. It really is a lose-lose situation and it keeps him up all night.
The remainder of the shift goes normal- or as normal as possible- and by the time Buck and Eddie are driving back home, Eddie feels as if he can pass out at any godforsaken second.
Buck is the first one to crash. The moment he strips off his hoodie and sweats, he gets in bed and is out like a light. Eddie, on the other hand, opens the window and turns on the ceiling fan for Buck since it helps him sleep better. He draws the black-out curtains shut but leaves enough of a gap to keep most of the sun out and let the fresh air in.
When Eddie turns to get into bed himself, he stops and takes a moment to simply admire Buck. Fluffy dark blonde curls are messy as they’re sprawled across the pillow where Buck’s head lies. Eddie loves running his fingers through them. Buck’s hair always seems to be soft and silky. Bright ocean blue eyes are closed, but every time Eddie looks into them he feels hypnotized as if the mixes of the different shades of blue dancing around in Buck’s irises are made specifically to lure Eddie in and keep him safe.
Dark pink lips slightly parted as soft snores come through them. They’re always so soft, even in the mornings when Eddie presses his own against them. He never gets tired of kissing Buck, and he hates that he waited so long to do so. He remembers the first time he kissed Buck. The afternoon right over a long emotional night that began their healing journey together.
Kissing Buck was like breathing air after being underwater until your lungs were just about to give out. His knees felt weak while his heart was thudding against his chest so hard he thought that Buck would be able to hear it. It was weird and new and by god did it scare the living hell out of Eddie but it was so perfect in every way imaginable. Kissing Buck that first time felt so natural and easy; almost like breathing. And over time it’s only gotten better.
Buck’s chest rises and falls smoothly as he sleeps. His heart beats a steady rhythm just a few feet away from Eddie. It’s the same heart that Buck has laid bare time and time again for Eddie. The same heart that beats love for Eddie. The same heart that stopped months ago and in return broke Eddie’s own just to piece it back together when it started three minutes and seventeen seconds later.
Eddie has loved Buck longer than he has ever realized. He never knew he could want someone as badly as he forever wants Buck. Eddie has never loved anyone as deeply as he loves Buck. All of the hurt, the heartbreak, and the bad days that always seemed endless led him here. Being able to call Buck his . Being able to love Buck as if he is loving for the first time- which it feels like he is.
He gets to watch Buck grow, he gets to grow along with him. Eddie gets to share a home with Buck. He gets to have a family with Buck. Simply existing with Buck is a gift in and of itself. Eddie is lucky enough to even think about how he falls more and more in love with Buck every single day.
That’s when Eddie knows.
He climbs into bed with Buck, the blonde subconsciously moving closer to him as he still sleeps. Buck's arm finds itself laying across Eddie’s stomach as lays his head on the warm sunkissed skin of Eddie’s shoulder. Eddie swears he catches a soft smile forming on Buck’s lips, but it's gone as quickly as it came. Eddie pulls Buck closer as he then is taken by sleep himself.
~
The next morning Eddie goes to pick up Christopher from Pepa’s. As he drove through the city he couldn’t help but take notice of a jewelry store on the way. He shook off the temptation to gravitate toward the shop and continued on his way.
~
Monday night Buck bounced around the house with the brightest smile on his face. He had just gotten off the phone with Maddie who shared the news that she and Chim had finally set a date for their wedding.
Eddie’s mind wandered to the future. Him and Buck at the wedding watching Maddie and Chim say their vows, and how Eddie could so clearly see himself and Buck at the altar promising forever to each other. The thought followed him into his dreams that night, and it felt so real he swore he felt his heart break when he woke up.
~
Tuesday afternoon Eddie found himself in the same jewelry store that he had passed by on his way to Pepa’s two days earlier. He’s only done this once before, and this time it is way different. This time Eddie is in love, truly madly deeply in love. He’s nervously looking at all of the engagement rings specifically made for men.
One catches his eyes. Gleaming under the fluorescent lights is a white gold band with an emerald-cut diamond embedded in the middle. It’s something simple yet breathtaking. He takes a closer look at the ring, he holds it in his hand. It makes his heart pound against his chest. It feels like a promise of forever. It feels like the exact promise he needs to make to Buck.
Eddie hands over his credit card and takes the ring home in a maroon velvet box.
~
Thursday night Eddie went out for a drive. He left Buck and Christopher watching some movie that he honestly had no interest in, besides he has something more important he needs to do. He pulled into the driveway and made his way up to the front door where he knocked and waited not so patiently.
It took less than a minute for the door to swing open where Bobby was standing with a surprised look on his face.
“Sorry for showing up unannounced,” Eddie says as Bobby steps aside to let him in the house. “I didn’t interrupt anything, did I?”
“No, actually I was just cleaning from dinner. Athena is working a night shift, so I have the house to myself.” Bobby reassures which does calm Eddie’s nerves a bit. “Is there something I should be worried about? Is everything alright?”
“Everything is great,” Eddie says, “but there is, uh, something that I really need to talk to you about. It’s sort of serious.” Bobby motions Eddie to sit at the dining room table while he finishes cleaning up the kitchen.
“Are you sure there is nothing I need to worry about? You seem kind of nervous.” Bobby says, watching Eddie with concern.
Eddie takes a deep breath. “I did something sort of crazy. And I’m going to do something even crazier.”
Bobby’s worried expression only grows at the vague words. “Are you in some sort of trouble? If so we can help, me and Buck, you know that we are always here for you.”
“Actually this is about Buck,” Eddie states as he reaches into his hoodie pocket and pulls out the velvet box, placing it on the table in front of him.
Bobby’s worried look immediately fades as he catches sight of the small box. He makes his way over to the table to sit in the seat directly across from Eddie. “May I?” he questions, pointing to the box to which Eddie nods giving him permission to look at it.
Eddie watches closely as Bobby takes the box, opens it, and examines the ring inside. He watches as a smile grows brightly on Bobby’s face. “I have to say,” he starts, “you did real good with this one, Eddie.” He closes the box and sets it back down on the table.
“I didn’t even know you and Buck were talking about marriage,” Bobby adds.
“We haven’t,” Eddie clarifies, “not even in passing. He only brought it up on Friday.”
Bobby’s face twists in realization. “Oh, so that’s why you were acting so weird.” Eddie chuckles and nods his head.
“Yeah, well when he first asked me if I wanted to get married again I sort of panicked,” Eddie says with a furrow to his eyebrows, “I wasn’t sure if it was an option for me to get married again. I never even let the thought cross my mind until that morning. And I thought that me and Buck were going way too fast, I mean we haven’t even been together for a full year yet, much less ever discussed the possibility of marriage. I just didn’t think I was ready to ever even think about getting married again.”
After a pause, Bobby asks, “What changed your mind?”
“I realized that I’m in love with Buck.” Eddie smiles fondly which only makes Bobby smile in return. “I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. With him, I constantly feel like I’m breathing for the first time. He brings out this happiness within me that no one else has ever been able to do. When I’m with him I just feel like things are the way they are supposed to be.”
Eddie takes a deep breath. “I married Shannon for all the wrong reasons. She got pregnant and I knew that we had to get married even if it wasn’t something either of us wanted, but we needed to because we didn’t want our son growing up in a broken home.” Eddie scoffs. “We did eventually fail at that though. If I want to get married again I want to do it right, and Buck is the only person I want to do it with. He’s the only person that I ever want to be with because I don’t just love him but I love who I am with him.”
There is so much love that pours out of Eddie’s heart for Buck. He would even go so far as to say that his heart beats for Buck. Nothing has ever felt right or clear until Buck came along. Life seemed hazy like Eddie was just on autopilot but then along came Buck who showed him the way. Made him see that life and love has a whole deeper meaning when you find the perfect person to share it with.
“Well, if you’re ready, and Buck is ready, I say that this is the right thing to do.” Bobby smiles. “But I have to ask, why did you come to me for this?” He curiously raises an eyebrow awaiting an answer.
“You know why,” Eddie states. “You’re the closest thing to a real father Buck has ever known. I don’t know if people still do the whole asking for the parent’s permission thing, but I thought this was the right thing to do. I thought you should be the first to know. Besides if I had gone to Maddie she would have told Chim, he would have told Hen, and before I know it Buck knows before I can even plan the proposal itself.”
Bobby laughs and nods his head knowing that would have been the case. “Well, if it is my blessing you’re asking for then you have it. I have been waiting a long time to see you and Buck genuinely happy, and it makes me feel over the moon to see you’ve found that in each other.”
The two take a moment to stand and hug each other tightly.
“Seriously, thank you, Bobby. If you hadn’t let me join the one-eighteen I would have never found this happiness. I wouldn’t have ever found what it is like to be truly in love.” Eddie holds onto Bobby just a little tighter as he gives his thanks.
Bobby wished him good luck and saw him out the door.
By the time Eddie got back home, he found Christopher and Buck sleeping together on the couch as the movie they fell asleep to was still playing on the TV. Eddie smiles. This is what he has always wanted. Nothing ever beats coming back home to the two people he loves most in the world.
~
Saturday morning came. It has been a normal morning so far. Christopher is sleeping in, Buck is taking his usual morning shower, and Eddie is in the living room sipping on his coffee as the weather report for the week plays on the TV.
He’s scrolling through his phone looking at proposal inspiration just to get some of the ideas flowing. A sunset beach proposal seems too cheesy, especially in LA. Restaurant proposals, well Eddie is not too big on public proposals considering they could always go wrong. First date recreation is a possibility but technically their first date was poker night and Buck now longer has his math superpowers to hustle some steaks.
First place they met? He’s not proposing at the firehouse. Hiking? He’d be too scared he would drop the ring off the side of a mountain. Park? No. Boat? No. Flash mob? Hell no.
Eddie gets frustrated and tosses his phone on the empty cushion next to him before standing and making his way to the kitchen. Who knew that proposing to someone you are absolutely crazy for would be this hard?
It’s not just someone Eddie is madly in love with. It’s Buck . He needs it to be absolutely perfect for Buck. He needs it to be special, and unforgettable. It can’t be something that just anybody can do.
“You know, for the three of us we sure do make a lot of laundry,” Buck says as he stands in the doorway with a laundry basket in his hands. His dark blonde curls are still damp from the shower and the sweet scent of citrus and mint emits off of him. “I feel like we just did laundry two days ago.”
“Welcome to the life of having a kid.” Eddie laughs. “And trust me when I say that it’s only going to get worse once he starts really getting into his teenage years.”
Buck looks off into the distance with a radiant look gleaming in his eyes as if he is reminiscing on something. “I remember what I was like as a teenager.” The light fades out of ocean blue eyes as Buck snaps back to reality. “Chris isn’t gonna be like that. Right?” The panic on his face has Eddie having to bite back a laugh.
“Teenage boys are ruthless, Buck. Obviously, you know all about that.” The concern and panic on Buck’s soft ivory features only grows which does make Eddie laugh hard. “No matter what, we’ll get through it together,” Eddie reassures. “At least I’ll get you through it.” He adds.
The blatant panic on Buck’s face doesn’t fade as he nods and turns away to make his way to the laundry room. The moment Buck is out of sight Eddie’s mind can’t help but wander back to planning the proposal.
Soft brown eyes find their way to the calendar that is hung on the refrigerator. Valentine's Day is coming up. It will be his and Buck’s first Valentine's together. Why not make it the most unforgettable one yet? Would that be too cheesy? Would that be too expected?
God.
It was so much easier proposing to Shannon because technically he didn’t even propose. She told him she was pregnant, he suggested marriage and that was it.
This time is different. This time Eddie is in love. It feels right. This time he doesn’t feel he is obligated, he actually wants it. This time there’s a ring and-
The ring.
Eddie’s heart drops. He never took the ring out of his hoodie pocket when he came back from Bobby’s. He lazily threw the hoodie on their bedroom floor to be washed. Buck is doing laundry.
“Buck!” Eddie shouts out in panic as he’s getting ready to run out of the kitchen and into the laundry room, but it’s already too late.
Buck is back in the threshold that separates the kitchen and dining room. The laundry basket he was holding moments ago now gone and replaced with the maroon velvet box.
“Eddie,” Buck starts slowly, “What the hell is this?” Dread sinks into Eddie’s heart as ocean blue eyes irises meet his own. The dumbfounded look on Buck’s face speaks volumes as he holds the box with both of his hands as if it’s the heaviest thing in the world.
Eddie swallows the lump in his throat and slowly makes his way over to where Buck is standing frozen in place. “This isn’t how I was planning on doing it. Actually, I don’t know how I was planning to do it.” Eddie says as he stands in front of Buck and carefully takes the velvet box out of his hands. “But it’s okay, I can improvise.”
The box that holds a promise of forever does seem heavier in Eddie’s hands now. He knows it’s just in his head though. He knows it feels that way because he really is about to ask Buck to marry him, and the weight of the world sits right inside of the small velvet box.
“Buck.” Eddie starts.
“Eddie.” Buck breathes out.
“I love you. I love you in ways that I never thought I could love another person.” Eddie doesn’t even have to think about what he wants to say. Everything just spills right out of his heart. It comes so naturally to him. “You showed me what it is like to not just love someone but actually be in love . And I’m so lucky enough to even say that every second of every day I find myself falling more and more in love with you.”
“Eddie-”
“I always felt as if nothing ever made sense, nothing ever felt right. And eight months ago when I told you that I love you, when I kissed you right here in this kitchen, the world- my life - it just became so clear. Everything clicked into place, and I have never been as happy and as content as I am when I’m with you. That’s something that I never want to let go of. So-”
“Eddie, I-”
“Buck, I know you’ve never done this before, but I think you usually have to wait until I ask you the question to say something.” Eddie lets out a soft laugh.
“No, Eddie- stop,” Buck says, as he gently places his hands on both of Eddie’s forearms. “Where is all of this coming from?” He questions.
Eddie gives him a perplexed look. “My heart, I think?”
“No,” Buck shakes his head, “I mean this . Who said anything about marriage?”
Eddie’s heart drops. “You did.” He states to which Buck looks back at him in bewilderment. “Last week. After you dropped Chris off at school.” He clarifies and Buck takes a moment to ponder back to the week before. And then his face twists in realization and then embarrassment and then amusement.
Buck laughs. It’s loud and hard and Eddie feels as if he had just taken a blow to the stomach.
“You asked me if I wanted to get married again,” Eddie says, trying to remind Buck of the implications of his words that morning a week ago, “I was panicking as you went on this whole tangent about how you never thought you could be the one to propose.”
“Oh my God , Eddie,” Buck is holding in his laughter long enough to say the words, “That doesn’t mean I was expecting you to.”
Eddie shakes his head in disbelief. Chim was right, this was a whole big misunderstanding. Hen was right, he should have just talked to Buck. “Why did you bring it up then?”
“Because Chris did!” Buck’s words have Eddie genuinely perplexed. “On the way to school, he said that when you and I got married then I could sign all of the school field trip forms, go to parent teacher conferences, and even give my signature on tests he gets bad grades on. And I panicked. I panicked because Chris said when and I wasn’t sure if you were already planning on proposing or if you wanted me to do it because we never talked about it before.”
This all was just a misunderstanding. A huge fucked up misunderstanding that could have avoided Eddie from standing in the middle of the kitchen in front of the love of his life feeling humiliated if he just had talked to Buck.
“So, you don’t want to get married?” The words taste like poison on Eddie’s tongue and he cannot ignore the sharp pain in his chest right where his heart is.
A soft smile forms on Buck’s dark pink lips. “I didn’t say that.”
Hope springs in Eddie’s chest.
“So, you do want to get married?” He asks, hopeful yet unsure.
Buck shakes his head. “I didn’t say that either.”
Now Eddie is just more perplexed than before, and the hope that sprung to life a moment ago is starting to fade. “Okay, what are you trying to say then? Because honestly I’m lost here, Buck.”
“I’m saying,” Buck takes a moment to breathe out a sigh, “I’m so insanely in love with you, and there is nothing more I want than to be with you in every way imaginable. But you said months ago, right when you asked me to move in that you’re not asking anything of me, and it goes for you too. I know marriage is a touchy subject, and I’m not expecting you to take that step just because you think I’m ready.”
Eddie shakes his head. “No, that’s not what this is.”
Buck gives him a concerned look in return. “You said you panicked, Eddie. That I made you panic.” The hurt that flashes in vibrant blue eyes is not hard to miss.
Eddie takes a moment to set the velvet box that he’s been holding this whole time onto the island top. He then grabs Buck by both sides of his jaw and forces eye contact. “I did panic, but not because of you.” He assures. “I panicked because I didn’t think marriage was something that I wanted again. I panicked because I didn’t want to hurt you or make you feel like you’re not wanted. Then over the course of those next few days I realized that this is something I want. You’re someone that I want. I didn’t buy a ring because I thought you were expecting it; I bought it because I know that I want to spend forever with you.”
“I want your good days and your bad ones.” Eddie continues as he watches bright blue eyes fill with sapphire tears. “I want the laughter, the tears, and the fights. God, you really can drive me insane sometimes and really piss me off occasionally but that just makes it so much easier to fall deeper in love with you. I love every goddamn part of you, and I wish I had the words to describe how deep my love runs for you. There isn’t one moment where I don’t want to be with you, and I really don’t want to spend another minute not being married to you. It’s okay if you’re not ready for marriage yet, but I need you to know that I will wait forever for you if that's what it takes. Because I only ever want you, Evan Buckley.” Eddie doesn’t realize he started tearing up himself until warm salt tears are slipping down his cheeks, staining his face just like Buck’s own tears are on his flushed ivory skin.
“Yes,” Buck whispers as he chokes on a sob.
Eddie’s heart stops. “Yes?” He whispers back.
The way Buck nods his head hastily has Eddie crying harder. “Yes.” He leans in to kiss Eddie hard. It’s messy and wet, but god it is so perfect. Eddie never thought that anything would beat their first kiss, but eight months later- in the same exact spot- they kissed like they never had before.
The world stops revolving and time slows until it stills completely. It’s just the two of them. Just Buck and Eddie with their hearts beating for each other as everything else fades out around them.
Eddie blindly reaches behind him with one hand to grab the velvet box that was left on the counter. He then pulls away and looks Buck in the eyes. “Are you sure?” He questions, searching for any hint of a change of mind in Buck’s features.
Tear ocean blue eyes look down at the box to which Eddie opens it to reveal the white gold ring that is encrusted with one singular diamond. Buck looks up to meet Eddie’s rich brown eyes once more. “I’ve never been so sure about something in my entire life.” Their smiles are bright as Eddie takes the ring out of the box and easily slides it onto Buck’s finger. A promise of forever now real.
Buck kisses Eddie again, it’s more sloppy and even more wet yet the perfection of their lips touching never seems to fade.
Eddie hums and pulls away. “We have to call Bobby.”
“He knows?” Buck questions with surprise written all over his face. Maybe he didn’t expect Eddie to tell anyone about his plan to propose.
“I sort of went over there the other night to ask for his blessing.” A sheepish smile plays on Eddie’s lips to which Buck laughs.
“Dad! Buck!” Christopher’s sleepy voice comes from the other room. Making the two of them look in the direction of the voice at the same time.
“First things first,” Buck says, turning to meet Eddie’s gaze once more, “We need to tell our son.” Eddie nods his head in agreement as he shouts to let Chris know they’re in the kitchen.
Buck pulls away from Eddie and starts preparing a huge breakfast just as Christopher is walking into the kitchen.
It’s definitely anything but a normal morning, but that just makes it even more perfect. Eddie gets to have this every day. Seeing his two favorite people in the entire world laugh together, tease each other, and the three of them just be a family together.
Eddie’s heart leaps out of his chest when Christopher practically dances around the kitchen upon hearing the news about his dad and his Buck finally getting married.
Eddie never thought he would be able to have something like this. He never thought he could deserve something like this. Then Buck came along and literally changed his whole entire life for the better. He inserted himself into the little family that just consisted of Eddie and Christopher, and by doing so Buck made it so much more idyllic.
After five years of knowing each other and only eight months of being together, Buck and Eddie are making their family permanent. It was strong before, there is no doubt about that. But now it just is so much more ideal.