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Katsuki woke up screaming at the top of his lungs. There was an abrupt feeling of being alive. And all he could do was scream. The last thing he remembered was the heat of his explosions and how fast he was going, brushing the threshold of control. And then blinding pain. Blinding pain in his chest that caused a flood of emotions that eventually drowned him until the world went black.
Now he was thrashing in a bed in a room filled with the brightest fluorescent lights Katsuki had ever seen. He was dropped into the same emotional state that he’d blacked out in. He was nauseous with regret and something like grief. But he couldn’t remember why. And suddenly, he was tormented by the thought of grief. For who? His brain shouted. The weight of grief dropped into his stomach like a rock. He screamed again.
Then he felt hands on him, pushing and pulling at his skin. “Get off of me!” He growled as he tried to pull away from the hands. They refused to let go, and Katsuki refused to let up the fight, even as he heard a voice calling his name. “ Katsuki!” They called. He didn’t care.
A new pair of hands pressed into his shoulders. They didn’t try to pull at him. They just rested there. “Kacchan,” Someone said.
Suddenly Katsuki was vividly aware of everything around him. Like he was finally seeing in HD. The air was just cool enough for Katsuki’s skin to decorate itself with tiny goosebumps. He heard a beeping to his left, singing in time with the percussion of his heart beating against his ribcage. He looked around and recognized the people in front of him.
Eijirou stood at the foot of his bed. His hands gripped the metal bed frame with white knuckles. Deku stood over him, his hands still held firmly against Katsuki’s shoulders. And his mother stood to his left with a look on her face that was nothing less than deeply disturbed.
“Izuku?” Katsuki asked; his voice cracked and ached. At the sound of his name, Izuku started to cry. His hands gripped Katsuki’s shoulder tighter. He crumpled in on himself, and his body shook with sobs. Katsuki could only watch, helpless. As he watched Izuku cry, a deep feeling of dread started to bleed into his thoughts. He was in the hospital for a reason, and although Izuku cried a lot, it was never like this. It was never this desperate. Izuku’s crying got so intense he had to pull away from Katsuki.
All he could think was, what happened? Why did Izuku break down at the sound of his voice? Why was Eijirou so quiet? Why did his mother look like she had just seen a ghost? “What happened?” He asked.
None of them wanted to answer. They all exchanged glances. After a moment of silence, Ejiriou spoke. “Do you not remember?” For some reason, there was a small drop of hope in his voice. Katsuki shook his head, and Eijirou’s expression suddenly carried a bit of relief. “Katsuki… You were fighting Shigaraki and… You died.”
The full weight of grief finally landed on Katsuki. Some of his memories started to come back to him. Hitting the ground after the pain. The feeling and the taste of choking on his own blood. The trading card. “What…” He was at a loss for words. He remembered further back and started to replay his own actions in his head. Take care of the others. He’d said that. He knew he wouldn’t come out alive. So why was he here? “How did I…”
Izuku spoke. “Best Jeanist found you with a hole in your chest and– Shit…” Izuku seemed lost in his own thoughts. “I’m going to get Aizawa, okay? He’ll be able to tell you more than I can.” Izuku gave his hand a squeeze before running out the door. Eijirou took his place. For a second, Katsuki was relieved because Aizawa was alive, and he was going to be here any minute. Suddenly the world in front of him wasn’t so daunting.
Katsuki didn’t know what to do. With Eijirou to his right and his eerily silent mother to his left, he felt some odd obligation to make them feel okay. But he couldn’t say anything. And for the first time since elementary school, he grabbed his mother’s hand. He couldn’t think back to a lot of moments when he felt safe with her. Not even now. But he still needed his mother. She looked away from him and squeezed his hand.
The room was silent apart from the sound of his heart rate beeping to his left. It was even and pitchy, and without anyone talking, the noise was starting to bother him. He had so many questions, but voicing them felt impossible. There wasn’t a good way to ask any of them without making Eijirou cry or making his mother leave the room. So he listened to his own heart and tried not to think about what happened. He couldn’t help it. There were so many spots in his memory, and he had to know.
“What happened to everyone else?” He asked Ejirou.
The redhead froze. Katuski could tell that he was thinking about lying. Then he sighed. “I’m sorry, you weren’t… You weren’t the only one.” Eijirou’s voice cracked with pain.
Katsuki felt his blood run cold. “Who.” Eijirou looked at the floor and took fractured breaths. “ Eijirou . Who.”
“Everyone in our class is alive. Some of them have pretty severe injuries, though.” Eijirou felt obviously uncomfortable. Katsuki didn’t blame him, but he was fucking impatient.
“What about Shouto? And Best Jeanist? And obviously Deku’s fine now, but what happened?”
Eijirou was overwhelmed, but he was trying. “Midoriya made it out with a few broken limbs, but he’s um– he’s fine now. Best Jeanist is fine. He only had minor injuries. Shouto’s pretty badly burned, but his dad–” Eijirou stopped. For a second, Katsuki was confused. Then it hit him.
“No.” For the second time in his life, he’d witness the end of the number one hero. While he never liked Endeavor as much as All Might, and he knew how terrible he was to Shouto, he couldn’t help but feel rattled.
“I’m sorry,” Eijirou said. The apology was genuine but reluctant. Like he was still holding back.
“What.” Eijirou looked up at him with wide eyes. “What aren’t you telling me? Fucking tell me!” Eijirou took a step back and hugged his arms.
“I don’t think– Just please, can you wait for Aizawa? I can’t–” Eijirou was crying. “Please– Please just… I can’t do it.”
Katsuki’s expression wobbled as he looked at Eijirou. He looked so different. It couldn’t have been more than a few days since the war ended, and Eijirou looked so different. He had deep eye bags under his eyes, his hair started to grow in, black hair sprouting at the roots, and his hands were shaking. Why couldn’t he just say it? Why was he afraid?
The door swung open so hard that it slammed against the concrete wall. Aizawa stood there, breathing heavily. As soon as he saw Katsuki blinking back at him, he relaxed. “You’re really alive,” Aizawa spoke. Then his eyebrows lifted just enough to convey awe. “It worked.” He took a few steps closer to his student. Izuku shuffled back into the room close behind his teacher.
Katsuki’s eyebrows furrowed. He’d been awake long enough for his typical spark of anger to come back to him. “What worked!? No one tells me anything in this hell hole!”
“Kacchan, please–” Izuku took a step forward.
Katsuki’s head snapped towards Izuku. “No, I need to know!” He looked back at his teacher. “What happened, sensei?”
Aizawa shook his head and ran a hand over his face. “You have to let me talk. You can’t interrupt me. If you want me to tell you, I’ll tell it to you straight.”
Katsuki thought about it for a second, then nodded.
“Okay." Aizawa took a breath and tried his best to remain calm. "Both Endeavor and Edgeshot died on the field. I’m telling you this now because they were heroes and they were willing to die for this cause. When Shigaraki stabbed you, he decimated your heart. There was no way to repair it. We all knew that we needed to save you. So Edgeshot decided to create a new heart for you by becoming one. He’s the one pumping your blood right now.”
Katsuki’s hand instinctively raised to rest on the cloth just above his (his?) heart (could he even call it that anymore?). The beeping to his left seemed to get louder. It rang in his ears like it was taunting him. He gripped his hospital gown in his fist. He felt the beating in his chest. It rattled his ribcage. He heard it in his ears. He felt sick. He wanted to throw up. His skin felt clammy. His hands were shaking. “You should’ve let me die.” He spoke so softly he hardly recognized his own voice. He didn’t plan on saying it, but the words were already out of his mouth.
Izuku immediately walked up to him and took the hand that was balled in the fabric of his hospital gown. “Never say that.” His voice came out like gravel. His grip on Katsuki’s hand was so tight that Katsuki wasn’t able to take any of his attention away from Izuku. “Ever again. I can’t lose you again, Kacchan.
“I wasn’t meant to live, Izuku! I was supposed to die. Someone exchanged their life for mine. How is that fucking fair!?”
Izuku shook his head like a madman. “It isn’t! Nothing is fair! But it’s what happened, and I will forever be in debt to Edgeshot because I can wake up every morning in a world where you exist.”
Katsuki started to cry, noisy and hot tears. “I don’t want to leave you– any of you behind. I just– I’m not worth that.”
Aizawa took a step forward loud enough to catch the boy’s attention. “Yes, you are. The number four hero saw you hold your own against the greatest threat any of us have ever seen and understood that you were more important. You have only just started. He knew that your flame shouldn’t go out yet. He knew that you were worth sacrificing everything.”
Suddenly Katsuki’s heart felt like it weighed a ton. It pressed on his chest and made it hard to breathe. He decided to stop fighting with words. He didn’t like it, but he understood. “What do I do now?”
His question got a lot of blank stares around the room. After a near minute of silence, Aizawa spoke. “You live up to that sacrifice.”
Katsuki blinked twice and nodded. The heart rate monitor kept beeping.