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Laudna had never been away from Imogen for long, she’d never felt the uncertainty of her absence the way she did now, her slow heart skipping between her ribs as if she wanted to break out of its confinement to go find her all by itself.
The experience was new to Laudna and it was one of the worst things that had ever happened to her, even worse than her death... the first or the second, you choose. She never thought that missing someone could take almost corporeal form and stay in her soul with a cold so deep that she couldn't shake it, fighting with her shadows for a place next to her.
And that was how it began, how Laudna began to awaken from a dream she had been living in for over two years, ever since Imogen had come into her life and made her home in her heart, inextricably.
It was their second night in what they now knew was the continent of Issylra, Laudna had not been able to sleep the first night but after a fight and seeing all the way they still had to go, she knew she had to rest. The space next to her was too steep to ignore, though. Between the absence and the silence that surrounded them, Laudna's mind conjured up the image of Imogen, if only to warm her weary bones a little.
The first thing she remembered was those lilac eyes, bathing her with the light that she always associated with Imogen, a smile followed, accompanied by a laugh that had sprung up after one of Pate's nonsense. Laudna's hand went to her chest, as if she were trying to contain the sadness in her heart. That night she fell asleep trying to tattoo that smile into her darkened soul.
The next morning she had woken early and resumed their journey, Laudna's hand still against her chest, her red bracelet in full view like a shield, like it was all the protection she needed.
Imogen told her that she was like a tether to her, but Imogen was her anchor and now Laudna felt adrift.
When a breeze rose from the side of the mountains, Laudna remembered a fleeting and innocent caress, it had nothing remarkable but it had been engraved in her memory somehow, and now it came back to haunt her. Tender, scarred fingers running across her palm on a warm spring afternoon; a hand resting absently on the small of her back as they walked through a market; an irreverent tap on her shoulder after a sarcastic yet funny comment; the moment of her face resting between those hands when silence was all the communication they needed. The breeze made Laudna shiver, not because of the cold but because of the loneliness that it carried.
Lunchtime arrived in the form of the group sitting around a quiet fire. Conversations were whispered, as if weariness had settled in Laudna, Ashton, and Orym and the new members of the improvised group had captured the somber humor of their companions. Deni$e had taken it upon herself to make a stew for everyone, the delicious smell surrounded them and lifted their spirits a bit.
But the loneliness that now accompanied Laudna felt ever present. She imagined Imogen's silhouette drawn against the sunbeams that filtered through the treetops and her eyes filled with tears. Orym noticed, of course, but he said nothing. She knew that he was struggling with his own absences, Orym understood what she was going through and accompanied her in her suffering.
Ashton sat down heavily next to her and looked at her with undisguised concern.
"You can stop smiling, you know?"
Her defense mechanisms were hard to let go of, it seemed, and her haunting smile had added to the black tears that threatened to spill from her eyes.
"She's fine” Ashton told her with a certainty she envied. "I'm sure FCG is taking care of everyone... and everyone is taking care of FCG"
He wasn't looking at her, but Laudna had gotten to know them quite well in their time together.
"All of them are fine and are very capable of taking care of themselves, you're right"
This time, her smile was genuine, trying to assure them that it would all work out in the end. It had to.
"I didn't realize how much I would miss her, I didn't know… she's a part of me, Ashton" she said in a whisper.
"I know" he sighed "I know"
The following night was no easier than the previous one, the cold that had seized her bones had settled in her chest even though she had lain down by the fire. By now she had realized that only Imogen's presence at her side could save her from freezing to death, but that didn't lighten the weight that bent her back with each step she took. Doubts crept from deep in the shadows and made it harder and harder to keep her composure.
Was it all her fault? Ruidus had taken Imogen because she hadn't done enough?
She closed her eyes and filled her lethargic lungs with all the air she could and kept looking at the night sky. The only way for this suffering to end was to see Imogen safe and sound. And that was something she could do...keep fighting until she found her.
The conviction that she could find Imogen had taken root deep within her, spread its branches to the sky and blossomed with the full force of spring so the next morning, as the group walked through the trees of an unknown forest, the feeling had begun to take shape in Laudna's mind and had become her driving force. Because, you see, Imogen wasn't just her friend, she was everything.
Imogen was an intrinsic part of her, her soulmate, her better half... Imogen was...
The realization came like lightning breaking a tree branch in the middle of a stormy night, igniting the roots of her soul with the certainty of a universal truth.
She loved Imogen.
She loved her as she could never love anyone else, as if her heart had been born with a hole that only Imogen could fill. As she had already filled without Laudna even noticing her.
And she would stay there, because Laudna would fight with every god, with Ludinus Daleth himself and with anyone who stands in her way until she finds her, until she holds her in her arms and never lets her go again.
Laudna would find Imogen and tell her how much she loved her, how much she needed her. The promise was made in silence, raised to the firmament in a plea accompanied by the cadence of her heart. It was just a matter of time.