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It's the way they're doing it that's setting him on edge.
Today's strange looks and mutterings under breath smack of amusement and anticipation, are very hint hint nudge nudge. But Jon is very much not in the know, and that's what bothers him.
What has he done? He's gone a good streak without being kidnapped, if he does say so himself.
Do they know something? Perhaps there's been another spate of gossip in the office about him and Martin, it wouldn't be the first time. Not that he minds - well, of course he minds I mean gossip makes people unproductive after all but - but he doesn't mind like - people are allowed to think whatever they want after all, and if that - if that involves him and Martin then - then - there's not much he can do about that particular brand of office gossip, even if it's - Oh god, that's it isn't it, there's some new rumour, some completely untrue, unfounded, absurd, ridiculous -
"Good luck in there today," Martin says, beside him suddenly.
Jon blinks at him, trying to get himself back together in the brief few seconds he has before it will be considered a 'pause', or even a 'weird pause.'
Martin is smiling, and not the usual cute nervous smile he greets Jon with. It's…knowing. Excited. As anticipatory as the others.
"What's going on?" Jon asks, with surer authority than he really feels.
Martin chuckles a little, a sound Jon realises distantly he hasn't heard very often. He pushes quickly past that, and stares at Martin expectantly.
"Today's statement is…an interesting one," Martin offers cryptically.
After only a few seconds of Jon making his dissatisfaction quite clear in his expression, Martin scrambles to clarify.
"W - well, I mean it's…unusual. I mean they all are, that's the whole point, but like…It's…"
Martin's babbling peters off as he's caught between wanting to answer properly and not quite knowing how.
Tim's hand claps Jon on the back suddenly and it feels like he's interrupting somehow, although Jon can't quite justify that feeling.
"So. Have you read it yet? It's a saucy one," he asks, smiling that same knowing-excited-anticipatory smile.
"Saucy," Jon repeats with distaste.
"Not safe for work. Of an…adult nature. Erotic. Carnal. Sensual -"
"Yes, Martin, I do grasp the concept."
"Lot of grasping going on in the statement, from what I've heard," Tim laughs. "Can you handle it?"
Jon rolls his eyes with practiced derision.
"I'm not a child, I'm perfectly capable of reading a statement involving sex."
Martin seems to hesitate a little before offering, "Okay. Well. If you do feel uncomfortable, I could read -"
"Right. Bye."
The door to Jon's office is slammed in their faces.
He does not emerge until long past lunch, when expectant eyes are greeted by the sight of him shouldering past staff with an expression holding no patience for jokes. And where he refuses to discuss the statement or allow Tim to listen to the tape, no matter what he offers to get him for secret santa this Christmas or how many times he says 'please, please, I need to hear you describe hanky panky in your fancy patter, it'll make my day'.
Despite measures taken by Jon, a copy of the tape did mysteriously find itself being played over the cafeteria speakers later that week. During, Jon was seen visibly praying for the lord to give him strength, as Martin ran to get the audio shut off and while Tim performed several triumphant dance moves unbecoming of a man his age, including an air guitar solo that he would later defend was 'totally called for.'
Despite Martin's interrogation queries, Elias denies any involvement.