Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Here’s the roles for the characters! The play/musical is Heathers if that wasn’t obvious 

Veronica (Vern in this bc yeah. I hate the name but there isn't anything much better)- Tweek

JD (Jason Dean)- Craig 

Heather Chandler- Wendy 

Heather Duke- Bebe

Heather McNamara- Heidi 

Ram Sweeney- Stan 

Kurt Kelly- Kyle

Martha Dunnstock- Nichole (sorry girl. I love her though) 

Mrs. Fleming- Red 

Ram's Dad- Jimmy

Kurt's Dad- Clyde

Vern's (Veronica's) Mom- Annie 

Vern's Dad- Butters 

JD's Dad- Kenny

Coach Ripper (idk he he'll be mentioned)- Kenny

Background characters (with small roles or no roles at all)- Cartman, Tolkien, Jimmy, Nathan, Annie, Butters, Kenny, Clyde, Red, etc.

Police Officers- Tolkien & Cartman

Principal- Jimmy

Director- Mr. Mackay 

please use this to refer to any chapters if needed!! 

Chapter Text

"Alright! Tomorrow is opening night! We're going to practice one last time before the real deal. Do I need to go over anything?" Mr Mackay asked, yelling to catch the attention of the students. 

Cartman raises his hand. "Why do we have to make the play gay? I mean, the musical is straight, we shouldn't change that!" 

"Because they're the only couple in school right now, more people will come in support of their relationship, and Tweek is a damn good actor and singer, he deserved the main role, mkay." The director claimed. 

"The musical has always been gay, even the movie was gay. Ram and Kurt "commit suicide" because of their forbidden gay love for each other." Stan commented. 

"Mkay. Everyone get in their places, if I'm correct you guys should already be in your costumes." Mr Mackay instructed and everyone was off. 

  The auditorium is dark, it was after school hours and completely silent. Everyone waited for the light crew behind the scenes get ready before Mr Mackay gave them the cue to start. 

"September first, nineteen-eighty-nine. Dear diary." The music started, a singular light shining on Tweek. 

  The outfit he wore was horrendous! A thin scarf with the ugliest pattern, oversized ugly sweater and some trousers that fit almost too tight. His hair was crazy, crazier than usual. But underneath that hideous outfit, was the amazing blue outfit everyone knew. 

"I believe I'm a good person. I think that there's good in everyone, but...here we are. First day of senior year!" The blonde sarcastically exclaimed, faking his smile as if he didn't want to do the musical at all, though that wasn't the case. "And uh, I look around at these kids that I've known all my life and I ask myself, "what happened"?" 

A giant light lit up the whole stage, a ton of kids, some important than others all around. "Freak, slut, burnout, bug-eyes, poser, lard-ass!" 

"We were so tiny, happy and shiny, playing tag and getting chased." Tweek sang, walking down from the steps he stood on in the back of the stage as students walked around the stage. 

"Freak, slut, loser, short-bus!" The students yelled, stopping dead in their tracks. 

"Singing and clapping. Laughing and napping. Baking cookies, eating paste." 

"Bull-dyke, stuck-up, hunchback!" 

"Then we got bigger, that was the trigger! Like the Huns invading Rome!" Tweek sang, running into a student. "Ugh!" He groaned, immediately realizing his mistake. "Oh, sorry!" The student glared at him before walking away; almost stomping. 

"Welcome to my school, this ain't no high school! This is the thunder dome. Hold your breath and count the days, we're graduating soon!" The blonde exclaimed, standing in the middle of the stage as others walked past and around him. 

"White trash!" Students shouted. 

"College will be paradise if I'm not dead by June!" Tweek admitted, gripping tight onto his binders he held. 

Suddenly, his voice went from loud and dramatic, to angelic, actually singing his next words as if there's was hope for him. "But I know-ow-woah, I know, life can be beautiful. I pray-ay-aye, I pray, for a better way. If we changed back then, we can change again! We can be beautiful!" 

"Ow!" A student yelled, bumping into Tweek and almost knocking him over. 

“Just not today.” Tweek sighed, turning to the kid that ran into him. "Hey are you ok?" He asked sweetly. 

"Get away, nerd!" The kid insulted, giving him the finger as he walked away. 

"Oh, ok." The blonde sadly responded. 

"Freak, slut, cripple, homo, homo, homo!" 

  The scenery changes, the students in line to get lunch trays. Tweek being the first, he moves his way to the center of the stage again, holding a red plastic tray with no actual food on it.

"Things will get better soon as my letter comes from Harvard, Duke, or Brown. Wake from this hellhole, take my diploma; then I can blow this town!" Tweek smiled, really getting into character. "Dream of ivy-covered walls and Smokey French cafés!" 

Stan and Kyle, also known as Ram and Kurt, come onto the stage. "Watch this!" Stan laughs, making his way over to Tweek. 

"Fight the urge to strike a match and set this dump ablaze!" He sang, unaware. Suddenly, Stan smacks his lunch tray, making him drop it. 

"Oooopps.." The boy jokingly apologized. Everything freezes as the blonde rolls his eyes, visibly annoyed. 

"Ram Sweeney. Third year as linebacker and eighth year of smacking lunch trays and being a massive dick!" Tweek insulted, turning his head to look in the boy's direction as everyone unfreezes. 

"What did you say to me, skank?" Stan threateningly asked, glaring at him. 

"Aaagghhhhh, nothing!" He answered, shrieking almost as the jock carried on with his day, going back to Kyle and fist-bumping him. 

Tweek turns back to the empty chairs, only Mr Mackay being there and watching. His voice gets angelic again, the students also turning to the chairs and singing with him, but quieter; more like a choir. "But I know-ow-woah, I know, life can be beautiful. I pray-ay-aye, I pray for a better way. We were kind before, why can't we be kind once more? We can beautiful!" 

  While he's singing, Nichole walks over to him, waving her hand in front of his face and trying her best to get his attention without yelling out his name. When he finally notices her, he screamed out of sudden fear. 

"Hey Martha!" Tweek greeted. 

"Hey." Nichole smiles, everyone freezing in their place again. 

"Martha Dunnstock. My best friend since diapers!" He introduced, standing awkwardly as everyone unfroze. 

"We on for movie night?" The dark skinned girl asked. 

"Uh, Yeah!" Tweek answered like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "You're on Jiffy Pop detail." 

"I rented Bride of Frankenstein!" Nichole exclaimed. 

"That old ass movie again? Don't you have that memorized by now?" The blonde teased. 

"What can I say? I'm a sucker for horror movies with a happy ending." The claimed. 

"I don't think that movie has a happy ending." Tweek admitted. 

Before Nichole can say anything else, Kyle runs up to them, Stan behind him. "Martha Dump truck! One load! Haha!" The redhead laughs, dumping a pile of unfinished homework and late slips on her head. 

They freeze, once again. "Kurt Kelly, quarterback. He's the smartest guy on the football team, which is somewhat like being the tallest dwarf." Tweek insulted, his face grossed out and pissed. 

The tall boy laughs again, giving Stan a high-five. "Alrighttt!" 

"Hey! Pick that up, right now." The blonde demanded, his face scrunched up. 

"Excuse me? Are you talking to me?" Kyle asked, a devious smirk on his face. 

"Yes, I am actually. I want to know what gives you the right to pick on my friend. You're a high school has-been waiting to happen! You're going to end up being a gas station attendant." He exclaimed, standing his ground, his posture strong. 

"You have a big ass zit right there." The redhead pointed out, his fringer pressed on his chin. Everyone around him laughed. Then everyone immediately ran up to the front of the stage, everyone holding their lunch trays.

"Whyyyyy?" Tweek sang, his note carrying out through everyone else's singing. 

"Why do they hate me?" One girl asked, Annie, taking a step closer to the end of the stage. 

"Why don't I fight back?" Another student, Butters, questioned, a worried expression on their face as they also took a step out. 

"Why do I act like such a creep?" Stan wondered, gripping onto the lunch tray tightly, stepping out. 

"Whyyyyy?" Tweek sang again, his voice getting slightly louder, his note still going through the others. 

"Why won't she date me?" Nichole asked, also taking a step closer to the front of the stage. 

"Why did I hit him?" Kyle inquired, taking a step to the front. 

"Why do I cry myself to sleep?" All of the students questioned, the rest of the students stepping up. 

"Whyyyy?" The blonde still sang, not joining with the others quite yet. 

"Somebody hug me!" The group of students exclaimed. "Somebody fix me! Somebody save me!" 

"Send me a sign, God! Give me some hope here, something to live for!" All the student sang, Tweek finally joining them. 

  The music changed, a door behind them all opening, the light changed to a much brighter color, focusing on the center of the stage. Everybody looked behind them, half of the students holding out their trays and running backwards to the left, the other half moving to the right. Tweek stayed in the front, in perfect view. In the middle, Bebe and Heidi to the side while Wendy sassily stood in between them, slightly ahead of the other two girls. 

"Ahh-ah! Heather, Heather and Heather!" The students sang in admiration.

  The girls moved slowly to the best of the music, moving ever so slightly, then stopping to pose. Wendy's expression was mean, matching the outfit she wore. Her character was brave, aware and courageous. She put on hand on her hip, the opposite leg slightly bent. Heidi held a mirror out in front of her, staring at her self and making sure her makeup was perfect. Bebe's body was facing Heidi, with her head looking at the red chairs where the crowd will be sat tomorrow. She had on hand on her hip and the other hand on her chest. They looked so confident, still looking like they did everyday, but their aura was so different. 

"And there's the Heathers, they float above all of us." Tweek claimed. 

"I love Heather, Heather, and Heather!" The crowd sang with delight. 

The blonde walks up to the girls, who have moved and changed their poses again. He points at Heidi. "Heather McNamara, head cheerleader, her dad is loaded, he sells engagement rings!" 

The other students chanted their names, singing with the same voice they've been using. Tweek walks to the other side of the stage, pointing at Bebe. "Heather Duke, runs the yearbook. No discernible personality but her mom did pay for implants." He claimed. 

He moves to the center of the stage, pointing his thumb at her, his voice had a hint of mesmerization. "And Heather Chandler, the almighty!" He paused for a moment. "She is a mythic bitch!" Tweek insulted, rolling his eyes. 

The students stopped chanting, it was all silent but the music that played in the background. "They're solid Teflon, never bothered, never..harassed. I would give anything to be like them!" Tweek admitted. 

A boy ran up to the front, a nerd; with a goofy smile. "I would like to be their boyfriend!" 

"That would be beautiful." The students sang. 

A girl ran up to the front, on the other side of the stage. "If I sat with them, people would notice me!" 

"That would be beautiful." 

"I'd like them to be nicer." Another girl say in a dry tone, walking up next to the nerd and standing beside him. 

"That would be beautiful." 

"I'd like to kidnap a Heather and photograph her naked in an abandoned warehouse and leave her tied up for the rodents!" A guy exclaimed, standing next to the girl on the other side of the stage. 

  Everyone ran along, some walking around the stage some standing around and pretending to talk. The girls walked to the right side of the stage, Bebe grabbing a trash can and making disgusting puking noises. 

"Grow up Heather! Bulimia is sooo '87!" Wendy belittled, picking at her nails. 

"Maybe you should go and see a doctor Heather." Heidi suggested. 

"Yeah, Heather, maybe I should." Bebe shrugged. 

Red enters the stage, making her way over to the girls. "Ahh, Heather and Heather." She started, Bebe turning around to puke again. Heidi held her hair up that was already in a ponytail. 

"And Heather..." Red finished. "Maybe you didn't hear the bell over all the vomiting, you're late for class." 

"Heather isn't feeling well, we're helping her." Wendy said in a stern tone. 

"Not without a hall pass. Week's detention." Red claimed. 

Tweek ran up to the girls just as Red was about to walk away. "Actually, Miss Fleming, all of us out out on a hall pass, yearbook duty.." He said, handing her the paper. 

Red squints her eyes reading the paper. "I see you guys are all listed." She muttered. "Hurry up and get wherever you're going." The redhead excused, handing him the note and walking away. 

Wendy took the note out of Tweek's hand, reading it. "This is an excellent forgery." She stated. "Who are you?" 

"I-uh, Vern Sawyer! I crave a boon." Tweek answered nervously. 

"What boon?" The black haired girl asked. 

"Um, let me sit at your table, at lunch. Just this once! No talking necessary! If people believe you guys tolerate me then they'll all leave me alone." The blonde said, almost embarrassed. 

The girls laughed. "Before you answer I also do report cards, permission slips and absence notes." Tweek added. 

"How about prescription?" Bebe asked. 

"Shut up, Heather." Wendy demanded. 

"Sorry Heather." The blonde mumbled. 

"For a greasy little nobody." She started, putting her hands on Tweek's shoulders. "You do have very good bone structure." 

Heidi got close to him, looking at him dead in the eyes. "And a symmetrical face! If I took a meat cleaver down the center of your skull, I'd have matching half's; that's very important." She stated creepily, putting both her hands together and slowly moving down the center of his face. 

"Of course you could stand to lose a few pounds though!" Bebe exclaimed, squeezing his sides. 

"And you know, you know, you know, this could be beautiful." Wendy started, singing. And not to mention, she had a magnificent voice. "Concealer and maybe some chapstick and we're on our way! Get this boy some contour and Heather I'm going to need your brush!" 

"Let's make him beautiful!" Wendy sang. 

"Let's make him beautiful!" Heidi delayed, smiling as she sang. 

"Let's make him beautiful!" Bebe added, starting after Heidi. 

"Make him beautiful!" The black haired girl sang more. "Ok?"

"Ok!" Tweek exclaimed, chasing the girls off stage. 

"You always do so good Tweek! Oh my fucking god you have the voice of an Angel! I know I say that all the time but oh my god!" Wendy complimented. 

"Says you! God do you listen to yourself! You sound incredible!" Tweek responded, taking off the scarf and oversized sweater. 

  Underneath, it revealed a white long sleeve shirt with a blue cropped buttoned vest, almost like a cardigan. He wore a black tie underneath it. Bebe quickly ran up to them. 

"Put these on and hurry! We still have to do your makeup!" She instructed, Tweek giving her a simple nod. 

"Out of my way, geek!" Stan insulted, imitating a shorter boy, almost nerd like. 

"I don't want trouble!" The boy clarified. 

"You're going to die at three p.m.!" The jock added, chasing him across the stage. 

"Don't you even think about touching me!" A girl yelled. 

"Get the hell away pervert!" Another girl added, both scoffing and turning away. 

"What did I ever do to them?" A guy asked. 

"Who could survive this? I can't escape this! I think I'm dying!" The students on stage sang. 

"Who's that with Heather?" A girl asked, all of the students turning to the center again. "Woah!" 

Each girl walked out, one by one." "Heather, Heather, Heather, and someone." 

"Heather, Heather, Heather, and a babe!" 

"Heather, Heather, Heather.." The group of kids trailed off. 

Nichole shoved everyone out the way, being able to be seen in the spotlight. "Vern?" She asked. 

"Vern?" 

"Vern?" 

"Vern?" 

"Vern?" The students yelled in excitement. 

  Tweek ran out of the stage, in his complete outfit. He had fancy gray pants on, that were loose and fit him almost perfectly. The girls quickly did his makeup back stage and his hair was pulled up into a short ponytail, two small pieces sticking out in the front. He looked perfect, absolutely stunning.

"And you know you know you know-ow-woah, life can be beautiful! You hope, you dream, you pray, and you get your way! Ask me how it feels! Looking like hell on wheels!" He sang, sang so loudly, he smiled so much. His character will never be this happy again. 

"My God, it's beautiful! I might be beautiful! And when you're beautifuuuuuulll! It's a beautiful freaking daaaaaaaaayyyyy!" He screamed, all the students chanting their names again. 

"Heather, Heather, Heather and Vern!" Not once, but twice. 

"Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeaaaahhhh!" Tweek shouted. 

"Vern! Vern! Vern! Vern!" The students yelled, his name over and over again. It was something he was so used to now. He's heard it every time they rehearsed. 

  The music ended and everyone froze into their final pose. The room went dark, everyone getting ready for the next part of show.

Chapter Text

  A small light shined on Tweek. He held a notebook, facing the rest of the auditorium.  

"Dear diary, it's been three weeks since I've became friends with the Heathers. Well, friends wouldn't exactly be the right word. It's more like the Heathers are my coworkers and our job is being popular and shit." Tweek says, standing awkwardly at the end. 

Nichole runs up to him. "Hey!" 

"Oh hey, Martha." Tweek greeted. 

"You really look beautiful these days." She complimented. 

"Oh well, it's still really me inside." The blonde replied. 

Nichole tilts her head a bit. "Are you sure?" 

"I know. I'm sorry I couldn't make it to our weekly movie nights, I just have a lot going on lately." Tweek explained sadly. 

"I get that! Your new friends are..exciting." She claimed. 

"It's, you know, whatever. We'll hang out soon I promise!" He said. 

Bebe runs up to them, invading their conversation. "Vern! Heather requires your presents. Now." 

"How very!" Tweek responded sarcastically. 

The two march over to Wendy and Heidi. "Vern! I need a forgery of Ram Sweeney's handwriting." Wendy requested, grabbing his arm and leading him across the stage. "You'll need something to write on..." 

The black haired girl turns around and looks Bebe up and down. "Heather, bend over." She commands. 

  Bebe looks at Heidi and bends over, the girl in yellow standing right behind her. Tweek puts his notebook on her back and writes down whatever Wendy says. 

"Hey beautiful, I've been watching you and thinking about us and the olden days. I hope you can come to my homecoming party this weekend! I miss you. Xoxo, Ram." She smiles. "Put a heart after the signature." 

"What's this for anyways?" Tweek asked. 

Wendy snatches the note out of his hands. "Do you remember how Ram used to hangout with Martha Dump truck?" 

"Yeah, in kindergarten! We all did." The blonde answered. 

"But not all of us kissed on the football field during recess." Bebe laughed, leaning up. 

"That's right! I totally forgot! Ram kissed Marta Dump truck! It was like so gross!" Heidi laughed, holding onto Tweek's shoulder for support. 

Wendy folds up the note and holds it up. "Ram, come here!" She calls. Stan and Kyle stroll out from behind the curtain and onto the stage. 

"What do you think Heather wants?" Kyle asked. 

"My hot bod-ayyy!" Stan exclaimed, stopping to roll his hips and putting his hands behind his head. 

  The boys laugh, jumping up and chest bumping each other before running over to Wendy. They get real close to her, leaning his arm on her shoulder, Kyle just behind Stan. 

"What do you want?" Stan asked, completely mesmerized by her. 

"Will you be a sweetie and give this note to Martha Dump truck for me?" She asked, Stan immediately blushing. 

As he's about to grab the note, Tweek runs up and grabs it, taking it away from both of them. "What? No! Martha has been in love with Ram for about twelve years now! This would totally crush her!" Tweek exclaimed. "Come on, Heather, you're bigger than this!" 

"Are we going to have a problem? You've got a bone to pick?" Wendy asked, the music started for the next song. "You've come so far! Why now are you pulling on my dick? I'd normally slap your face off, and everyone here can watch! But I'm feeling nice, there's some advice, listen up biatch!" 

  The three girls start dancing, one arm going across their body and the other arm doing the same on the beat of the music. They move to the center of the stage, the light focused on them. 

They put their hands on their hips, moving in a circular motion. almost "I like!" Heidi and Bebe started. 

"Looking hot, buying stuff they cannot!" Wendy finished, they quickly dance to match the music. 

"I like!" 

"Drinking hard, maxing dad's credit card!" 

"I like!" 

"Skipping gym, scaring her, screwing him!" 

"Killer clothes!" 

"Kicking nerds in the nose!" The girls all sing at once, squaring up and kicking their legs high in the air. 

Their hips moved from side to side, on hand on their hip and the other snapping their fingers on beat. "If you lack the balls, you can go play dolls. Have your mommy fix you a snack!" Wendy sang, glaring at Tweek.

"Woah-oh!" Bebe and Heidi exclaimed. 

"Or you could come smoke." She offered, pretending like she was smoking a cigarette. "Pound some rum and coke, in my Porsche with the linebacker!" Wendy smiled, thrusting her hips forward so it would be easier to get the message. 

"Woah! Woah! Woah!" The two girls sang. 

"Honey, whatchu waiting fo-or? Welcome to my candy store-ore! Time for you to prove you're not a loser anymore-0re!" The three girls sang in sync, holding out an "L" shape with their fingers at the blonde. "Then step into my candy stoooreee! Guys fall—" 

"—At your feet, pay the check!" Bebe continued, making her way behind Tweek. 

"Help you cheat!" Heidi added. 

"All you—" The girls joined. 

"—Have to do—" The brown haired girl carried on. 

"Say goodbye to Shamu!" Wendy exclaimed, blowing a kiss then a small wave with a smile. 

"That freak's—" The girls conjoined in their singing once again. 

"—Not your friend, I can tell in the end!" Heidi declined. 

"If she had the shot—" Bebe continued. 

"—She would leave you to rot!" The girls yelled, one  hand on their hip and the other hand slightly up and pointing out their thumb, signaling what they meant. 

"Of course if you don't care, fine! Go braid her hair, maybe Sesame Street is on!" Heidi teased. 

"Woah-oh!" 

"Or forget that creep." She added. 

"And get in my jeep!" Bebe offered, holding her hand out and pretending to drive a car. 

"Let's go tear up someone's lawn!" Wendy declared, pointing right at Nichole, who sat on the floor and eating her lunch. While Tweek is distracted, she takes the note out of his hand, holding it firmly in hers as she passes it to Heidi, who passes it to Bebe. The blonde quickly runs over to Nichole and hands it to her before making her way back to Wendy and Heidi.

"Woah! Woah! Woah! Honey, whatchu waiting fo-or? Welcome to my candy store-ore! You just gotta prove you aren't a pussy anymore-ore!" The girls sang, kind of circling Tweek to imitate him. "Then step into my candy store-ore-ooorre!" 

"You can join the team." Wendy said, looking dead at Tweek. 

"Or you can bitch and moan." The two girls backup, standing behind Wendy. 

"You can live the dream." 

"Or you can die alone!" Now they made their way behind the blonde boy, leaving him with no escape. 

"You can fly with eagles!" 

"Or if you prefer..." 

Wendy went behind Tweek. "Keep on testing me.." 

Bebe and Heidi push Tweek over to Nichole, who read the note. "And end up like her!" 

  The music turned into a ticking clock, red, green and yellow lights on the girls and had a hand on their hip as they shook them back and forth, their other hand pointing to the blonde and the dark skinned girl. 

"Vern, look! Ram invited to his homecoming party! This proves he's been thinking about me! I knew something was still there!" Nichole exclaimed, showing him the note he wrote himself. 

Tweek looks at the three girls and back at Nichole, not knowing what to do. "Color me stoked." He finally got out. 

"I'm so happy!" She smiled. 

"Woah-oah-oahhhh!" The girls sing, inching closer to Tweek as Nichole skips off the stage. 

"Honey whatchu waiting fo-!" Bebe started. 

"Shut up Heather!" Wendy shouted. "Step into my candy stooooreee!" As the other girls sang different lyrics. 

"Time to prove you aren't a lame ass anymore-ore!" 

"Then step into my candy store!" They all any in unison, again circling around Tweek. "It's my candy store, it's my candy. It's my candy store, it's my candy! It's my candy store! It's my candy stoooore-oore!"  

  The music stops and they end in a dramatic pose. Just like a few moments prior, a red light shot over Wendy, a green light over Bebe and a Yellow light over Heidi. This play was going to be beautiful.

Chapter Text

Wendy, Bebe, and Heidi walk off stage, Tweek going to sit down next to Craig on the steps. "You shouldn't bow down to those who don't deserve your grace." Craig says out of the blue. 

"Excuse me, what?" Tweek asked. 

"You clearly have a heart and a soul. You need to work hard to keep it clean." The boy claims, getting up and walking away from the conversation. "We're all born for evil." 

"Ok, you can't just say that and walk away." The blonde smirked. "I never caught your name." 

"Well, I never threw it." Craig shrugged, walking away, pacing a bit. 

  Tweek felt his knees go weak, he blushed. He didn't know the kid yet was already head over heels for him. And he thought just being with the Heathers was bad. 

"Who does this guy think he is anyways?" Stan asked

"Well it's clear Vern is into him! Let's kick his ass!" Kyle exclaimed. 

"We're too old for this man, we're seniors!" The black haired boy yelled as the other jock ran up to Craig. 

"Hey sweetheart! What did your boyfriend tell you when you told him you were moving to Sherwood, Ohio?" Kyle asked mockingly. 

"My buddy, Kurt, just asked you a question." Stan said. 

"Hey Ram, isn't there a "no fags allowed" rule in this cafeteria?" The redhead wondered, rubbing his chin as if the answer would randomly come to him. 

"That's what I thought." He replied, shrugging. 

"I don't know what the hell your problem is but I bet it's really hard for you to pronounce." Craig deadpanned, keeping his eyes in his book and not giving the jocks any of his attention.

  Stan attempts to punch Craig but without even looking, he grabs his wrist, stopping himself from getting hit. Honestly, it was unbelievable how many times they failed at that and Stan actually punching Craig. The boy finally looks up at the two boys with the red varsity jackets. 

  Kyle goes in to punch him but Craig kicks him, making him hurl over in pain. This continues for a minute. Every hit the jocks try to take at Craig, he dodged it and hits them back. The students, including Wendy, Bebe and Heidi, stare from across the stage, flabbergasted. While Tweek stood in between the guys fighting and the students in shock. 

Intense music started. "Holy shit!" The students yelled, watching what they never thought they'd see before.

"Holy shit!" 

"Holy shit!" 

"Holy shit!"

"Holy shit!"

"Holy shit!" 

"Holy shit!" 

"Holy shit!" 

"Holy shiiiiiiiiit!" 

  Everything freezes again, the other students in shock and Stan and Craig just about to hit each other in the face and Kyle on the floor. The music gets slightly calmer, more romantic some people would call it. But besides that music, it was silent and the stage went dark, but only for a minute before a light shined over Tweek again, breaking the silence.

"Why when you see boy's fight does it look so horrible yet, feel so riiiight?" He started, a confused expression on his face as he held his index finger up. 

"I shouldn't watch this shit, that's not who I am. But with this kid...daaaammmnn..." 

  It was like time froze and the power was in Tweek's hand, or more so his character's hand, he was the only one moving normally. His body turned to the pretend audience and he looks over at the scene. He really admired Craig. Honestly, he wouldn't be able to stay still for that long. Props to everyone else as well.

"Hey, Mister No-name kid, so who might you be? And would you fi-ght for me?" Tweek sang calmly, walking over to Craig and Stan. 

He bends over and walks between the boys, who were still frozen, and stands just in front of him with his hand resting on Craig's shoulder, that was going for the punch. "And hey, could you face the crowd? Could you be seen with me and still act proud?" 

  Tweek looks over at Craig, their faces just inches a part. Before he sings the next part, he goes in for a kiss, but backs away last minute. He grabs Craig's free hand down by his side, holding it gently. Usually, they would all end up laughing at the awkwardness. But this was serious. Tomorrow, they would be up on stage in front of all of South Park and put on this show, now wasn’t the time for jokes; they could save that for backstage.

"Hey, would you hold my hand? And could you carry me through no man's land?" The boy sang, his head now leaning on the frozen boy's shoulder, lightly cuffing the side of his face.

He quickly moves his hands away from him and walks away. "It's fine if you don't agree, but I would fight for you; if you would fight for meeeeeee!" 

Tweek made it back to his original place, where he stood when the song started, facing the red seats. "Let them drive us underground! I don't care how faaarr! You can set my broken bones, and I know CPR." 

  Everyone else starts moving in slow motion again, making background vocals. Stan and Craig slowly punch each other across the face, the jock falling of the floor and Craig rubbing his face in pain. 

"Woah, you can punch real good. You've lasted looonnger than I thought you would!" Tweek sang, keeping his distance from everyone else. 

  Kyle gets up in slow motion and goes at another try to punch Craig in the face. He slightly leans back, not even caring to try and dodge the hit whatsoever. He silently sighs, shrugging his shoulders and turning to face where the crowd of people would be tomorrow night. 

"So hey, Mister No-name kid, if some night you're freeeeeee, wanna fight for me?" The boy vocalized with admiration. 

Craig, still in slow motion, grabs Kyle's face and head-butted him, not once, but twice. The other kids singing in the background. "Holy shit!" Over and over again. 

"If you're still alive, I would fight for you; if you would fight for meeeeee." Tweek sung, finishing the song as the fight ended. Both boys with the red jackets on the floor and Craig still standing. He brushed one hand in his hair, pausing there as a spotlight shined over him. 

  Everyone but Stan and Kyle go backstage, letting them have their moment. Craig walks up to Tweek, a smirk on his face. 

"So, you're into mysterious boys, huh? Want me to fight for you?" He asked jokingly. 

"You're such a dork. You say something like this every time." Tweek replied, playfully rolling his eyes. 

"Seriously, do you want me to get into fights and commit hate crimes for you?" The boy questioned. 

  The blonde blushed a bit on how close their faces were. They've been dating since fourth grade but still got butterflies and nervous when he was with him, not to mention if they were physically close.

"I like you just the way you are. You don't need to fight for me. But I will always fight for you." Tweek answered, pecking his cheek. 

"Get a room!" Cartman interrupted. 

"Shouldn't you be getting ready?" Craig asked. 

"No. I don't have a scene or anything until later on." The fat-ass shrugged, eating a donut. 

"You might want to start getting ready, it'll take you an hour just to get into your costume. Obese bitch." Tweek insulted. 

"Hey! I'm not obese! I'm big-boned!" Eric exclaimed. 

"You've been saying that since third grade and I still don't believe it." The blonde deadpanned. 

  Stan and Kyle grunted and groaned as they slowly got up from the floor, pretending to be in pain. 

"Man, that sucked!" Kyle exclaimed. 

"Those were some cheap shots!" Stan commented. 

Suddenly, the redhead screams, slightly rubbing his crotch. "Dude, I'm missing a ball!" 

"No way!" The other jock yells. 

"Yes way! I'm being serious!" Kyle cries. "I think he kicked it up my ass or something!" 

"It's, uh, probably just impacted?" Stan excused. "Plug your nose and push!" 

"Ok.." the taller boy muttered, squeezing his nose shut and using his hand to plug his nose, breathing heavily and pushing. "Oh, there it is!" 

"See? I told you!" They fist bumped before laughing and running off the stage. 

"I can't believe Mister Mackay actually kept that part in the musical." Bebe claimed. 

"I know it's the most unimportant scene in the whole play. It's so stupid." Wendy added. 

"Hey! Don't call our acting stupid!" Stan exclaimed, Kyle following him backstage where everyone else was. 

The girls roll their eyes. "You guys are such idiots, no wonder why you guys got Kurt and Ram as your roles."

"Hey! We're good actors! And that scene is very important!" Kyle said, looking back at Stan, they both nodded and faced everyone else again. 

"I mean, at least you're getting into character?" Red shrugged.

Chapter Text

  After a minute or so, Wendy, Tweek, Bebe, and Heidi walk out from behind the stage, holding wooden clubs of their signature color. On cue, they move the clubs from one shoulder to the other. 

"Your mouth was hanging wide open!" Wendy claims, teasingly as she lifts the club and brings it down to the ground. 

"No, it wasn't!" Tweek protested, rolling his eyes. 

"I mean, seriously, Vern, I knew you were gay but drool much?" She teased. 

"It was nothing like that!" The boy denied. 

The black haired girl hit the red ball with her wooden club. "Come on, admit it. You like the new kid." 

"I don't even know his name!" Tweek exclaimed, following her as she goes over to where the ball landed.

"You were totally throwing your panties at him." Bebe laughed until Wendy walked up to her threateningly, then she immediately stopped. 

"I am talking to my friend." She deadpanned. 

"Sorry Heather." The blonde apologized. 

Wendy leans over a bit, shaking her butt as she hits the red ball again. "Oh, mom, dad, look out." Tweek warned. 

"Oh!" Annie said holding a plate with one hand and bending over to grab the ball. She gets up and hands it to Wendy. "There you go, girls. Care for some pate?" 

Wendy tilts her head, a bitchy look on her face. She looks at the food. "This isn't pate, it's liverwurst." She confirmed. 

"I'm aware of that, Heather." Annie claims. "It's a family joke." She laughed, Tweek joining soon after. 

"Oh! Funny!" The dark haired girl sarcastically exclaimed. 

Butters groaned, looking at his book. "Doggone it! Will somebody please tell me why I read these spy novels?" 

" 'Cause you're an idiot, dad." Tweek joked. 

The blonde boy takes his sunglasses off, smiling as he pointed at the other blonde boy. "Oh yeah, that's it!" They both laugh, Annie as well. 

"You two!" She chuckled, laughing a bit more. "So girls, any plans for tonight?" 

"Yeah, big homecoming party at Ram Sweeney's house." Tweek answered, taking the cracker off the plate Annie held. "I'm catching a ride with Heather." 

"Speaking of which." Wendy started. 

"Right." He replied, putting the cracker back on the plate. "Great pate, mom. But we better go if we want to make it  for the party." 

Wendy takes the red ball and smacks it into the small bowl of sauce. She gasped. "Oops." 

Annie holds out the plate. "Clean that right now." She demands. 

"Do I took like your personal servant?" The girl asked sassily. "Vern, your mother his hilarious." 

Wendy walks away, Annie pulling Tweek aside. "I forbid you to go anywhere with that girl." 

"Mom—!" The blonde exclaimed. 

"She has no respect for anything!" 

"I know what she is. What they all are, but they will get me safely through this school year." Tweek said. "I'm not going to change, well, I don't plan on it at least." He added. "So...can I go?" 

Annie sighs before smiling a bit. "Go!" She responds calmly, Tweek pecking her on the cheek and waving before leaving with the three girls. 

Annie turns to Butters. "What the hell goes on at that school?" 

He giggled, his sunglasses back on his face. "I do not wanna know!" 

  Tweek was completely off stage while Wendy, Bebe, and Heidi still remained on stage, they turn to face the front, the upbeat music plays again. Annie and Butters leave the stage while other cast members change the scenery in the background. 

"So step into my candy store! It's my candy store, it's my candy store, it's my candy! It's my candy store, it's my candy! It's my candy store, it's my candy! It's my candy store, it's my candy store-ooore!" They sing, ending it off with them turned around. 

  Wendy has one leg bent, holding the wooden club horizontal and pressed against the back of her neck; a red light shining on her. Heidi held the stick part of it, the big part of the club on the floor; a yellow light on her. Bebe held the club outwards, the opposite leg of Wendy's bent; a green spotlight on her. And suddenly, the scene was changed to a Seven-Eleven gas station. 

  Again, a light lit up the stage, Tweek appearing on stage with Craig standing behind the fake wall on the counter, holding a cup. 

"Vern!" Wendy yelled from behind the curtain, making sure it was loud can clear. "Don't forget to buy corn nuts! It's not a party without corn nuts!" 

Craig rolls his eyes, staying silent. "Yes, Heather! Plain or BQ?" Tweek yelled in reply. 

"BQ!" She shouted, the blonde boy sighing before walking up to the counter, grabbing a bag of barbecue corn nuts. 

"Greetings and salutations." Craig said, finally showing himself. "You want a Slurpee with that?" 

"No. But if you're nice I'll let you buy me a two-liter." Tweek responded, resting his elbows on the counter. 

"That's like going to Micky D's and ordering a salad. Nobody gets two-liters at a gas station!" He claimed. "Slurpee's the signature and the best of the Seven-Eleven! Now, did you say cherry or lime?"

"Well, I said two-liter." The boy clarified, standing up straight. "I'm Vern, by the way. Vern Sawyer. You ever going to tell me your name?" 

Craig sets his cup down, sitting on top of the counter. "I'll end the suspense. Jason Dean, JD for short." 

"So, JD. The thing you pulled at the cafeteria was pretty severe." Tweek claimed. 

"The extreme always seems to make an impression." He shrugged. 

"What brings a grungy badass like you to Sherwood, Ohio?" The other boy asked. 

"My dad's job. He owns a deconstruction company." Craig explained. 

"Deconstruction?" 

"Yep. The old man seems to enjoy tearing things down. You seen the commercial? "I'm Big Bud Dean! If it's in the way, I'll make your day!" " Craig mocked. 

"Yeah! Then he pushes the plunger and the screen blows up!" Tweek chuckled. "Oh, that's your dad?" 

"In all his toxic glory." 

"Well, everybody's lives got a little static." 

A car horn could be heard, it was hard to miss considering how loud it was. "Vern!" Wendy shouts. 

"Example, I don't really like my friends." Tweek deadpans. 

"I don't like your friends either." Craig agreed. "Ditch the party and hang here." 

"At the Seven-Eleven? Shitty first date if you ask me."

  Music slowly started up, making Craig a tad bit nervous. He wasn't huge on singing. I mean, he's sang in front of people..a few times. But he never sang a whole song solo in front of people, and he'd have to do this tomorrow in front of the whole town of South Park. He would have to try and shake of those jitters before the show tomorrow. 

"Hey! I love this place!" Craig defended, turning to Tweek.

"No offense, but why?" 

"I've been through ten high schools, they start to get blurry. No point planning roots 'cause you're gone in a hurry." He started, his own musical number just barely beginning. "My dad keeps two suitcases packed in the shed. So, it's only a matter of when." 

Craig gets off the counter, holding onto his cardboard cup again. "I don't learn the names, can't bother with faces. All I can trust is this concrete oasis. Seems every time I'm about to despair, there's a Seven-Eleven right there!" 

  The music gets a bit more upbeat now, picking up Craig's mood just a bit at least. Tweek turned to face him, smiling. He couldn't even begin to describe how happy Craig made him. When Tweek told him about the show, he didn't think he'd sign up for auditions. But, here he is. One night before opening! 

"Each store is the same from Las Vegas to Boston! Linoleum aisles that I adore getting lost in! I hope for my altar of sluuuush! Yeah, I live for that sweet frozen ruuuushhhh!" He sang, taking a big sip from his cup. That sound of when you reach the bottom of the cup and there's only that small little bit left. 

He hold out another cup, supposedly with slush in it. "Freeze your braaaaiiin. Suck on that straw get lost in the pain. Happiness comes when everything numbs. Who needs cocaaaaiine?" 

"Freeze your braaaiin. Freeze your braaaiin." He vocalized, getting closer to Tweek. "Care for a hit?" Craig offered, sliding the extra cup of slush to the blonde. 

"Does your mommy know you drink all that sugar?" Tweek teased. 

"Not anymore." He answers dryly before singing again. Tweek's face dropped a bit, looking embarrassingly to the floor. "When mom was alive, we lived halfway normal. Now it's just me and my dad, we're less formal."

"I learned to cook pasta, I learned to pay rent. Learned that the world doesn't owe you a ceeent!" Craig listed. "You're planning your future, Vern Swayer. You'll go to some college, maybe marry a lawyer." 

"But the sky's going to hurt when it faaaalls! So you better start building some waaaalls! Freeze your braaaiin! Swim in the ice, get lost in the pain!" 

"Shut your eyes right, 'til you vanish from sight; let nothing remaaaiin-ain! Freeze your braaaaaaiiin! Shatter your skull! Fight pain with more pain! Forget who you are, unburden your load! Forget in six weeks, you'll be back on the road!" 

"When the voice in your head says you're better off dead, don't open a veeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiin!" Craig shouted, singing like his life depended on it. 

"Just freeze your braaaiin! Freeze your braaaiin! Go on and freeze your braaaiin!" He vocalized, rather more slow than the rest of the song. "Try it." Craig demanded, throwing the cup down in front of Tweek on the counter. 

Tweek raised his eyebrows, taking the cup and taking a sip, making eye contact with Craig as he did so. "I really don't see what the big deal.." He started off calmly. "Son of a bitch!" Tweek screamed, putting his hands on his forehead in pain. 

Bells jingle as Wendy comes onto the stage. "Vern!" 

Tweek sighs. "I have to go." 

"So I see." Craig waves. 

"Corn nuts?" Wendy commanded. 

"Uh, sorry Heather." The blonde mumbled, grabbing the bag. 

Wendy turns and looks Craig up and down. "Don't you have a Metallica concert to attend to?" She asked. "Come on Vern!" The girl demands, stomping off stage, Tweek taking another look at Craig before following. 

The other boy leaves from the other side of the stage. "It still feels so weird to sing so passionately about a slushy." 

"Yeah, I don't see the appeal either." Kenny shrugged. 

"Slushy's are amazing! You guys are all psychotic!" Stan stated.

Chapter Text

  It was dark again, cast members moving things around as Stan and Kyle enter the stage again. Once everything is in their correct places, the lights come on again, revealing Stan with his hands behind his head and Kyle pretending to repeatedly punch him in the stomach. Jimmy and Clyde enter the stage, making their first appearance. 

"Ok, Ram. Have fun tonight, but I expect you to act your age. The Hendersons' have the phone number for the cabin. If they complain, I'm going to drive back here and knock the sand out of your diaper." Clyde says, unlike his usual tone. His voice was stern and loud. 

"Dude! What am I, five?" Stan joked, nudging Kyle's arm. 

"I'm your dad, not your dude." The brown haired boy claimed, giving him a threatening dad stare. 

"That goes d-double for you, Kurt. You're a g—uest in Bill's house and you will treat it with respect." Jimmy demanded. 

"Sure thing...." Kyle trailed off, actually sounding nervous before putting his index and pinkie finger up, making the "rock and roll" sign. "Dude!" He laughed, Stan following. 

"Hold his arms." He said, before both Clyde and Jimmy run after him. "Come here you!" Jimmy used his crutches to put him in a headlock. 

"No! No, no, no!" Kyle complained, trying to get out of their grip. 

Stan crossed his arms and looked away, praying he wasn't next. 

"Who's a pussy? Who's going to go to prom is a big pink dress?" Jimmy teased. 

"Me, me! I'm a pussy! I'm a big, fat pussy!" The redhead cried and the boys releasing him. 

"Damn right!" Jimmy said. "Enjoy your party son." 

"Punch it in!" Clyde exclaimed, them fist-bumping each other before quickly turning to the boys and holding up their middle fingers. "Boo!" 

Stan and Kyle scream, turning away. Jimmy and Clyde laugh and point at them before leaving. "Man that sucked!" Kyle admitted. 

"Who cares?" Stan asked, taking out a luau and putting it over his neck. "The parents are gone and I got my party pants on!" 

"Alright!" They both yell, running and jumping in the air, chest-bumping one another. 

  The music starts and the lights change to a more blue tint color. A ton of other students come out from different sides of the stage, jumping around and dancing. 

"Dad says, "Act your age" you heard the man it's time to rage!" Stan yells, pointing to Kyle and getting all excited. He jumps up and lands into a shitty split, good enough for him, before standing back up normally. 

"Blast the bass, turn down the light! Ain't nobody home tonight!" The students sing. Wendy could be seen entering the stage behind the two boys, along with Heidi. 

"Drink, smoke, it's all cool. Let's get naked in my pool!" He sings, picking up Wendy's leg and ducking her backwards, holding her romantically. 

"Punch the wall and start a fight! Ain't nobody home tonight!" Wendy smiles and jokingly pushes him away, Stan just smiling at her. 

Kyle picks Heidi up, her legs wrapped around his torso and her arms around his neck. "His folks got a waterbed, come upstairs and rest your head." Kyle sings, walking over to Stan, who starts rolling his hips, and bending over, making Heidi go backwards and almost hit the other boy's stomach. 

"Let's rub each other's backs while watching porn on Cinemax!" Stan suggested, Kyle lifting Heidi back up and making his jump up and down on his chest and stomach. 

Kyle carefully sets Heidi back down, Wendy walking to the front of the stage, Bebe following as they dance. The other cast members doing a different dance behind them. 

"The folks are gooo-one! It's time for big fun! Big fun! We're up 'til dawn, having some big fun! Big fun!" They all sing, Heidi, Wendy, and Bebe standing in a line, putting their hands on each others' waist and bending over, their hips moving in a circular motion. 

"When mom and dad forget to lock the liquor cabinet!" Stan and Kyle open a cupboard filled with bottles of (fake) alcohol. "It's big fun! Big fun! Big fuuuuun! Woo!"

  Many kids could be seen smoking fake joints and blunts, some with cigarettes and other chugging a bottle of alcohol, that was actually water. Tweek enters the stage holding a shot glass, standing next to Heidi. 

She turns to him. "So, it's salt, then shot, then lime." The girl in yellow claimed. 

"I thought it was shot, then lime, then—" Tweek started. 

"You're doing it wrong!" Wendy yelled impatiently. 

"Wait really? Cause I feel great." The boy muttered through a bitter, disgusted face. 

Clyde, in a different outfit then the one he was wearing just minutes prior, walks up to them. "Vern, you are looking great tonight!" 

"Whoa. A hot guy smiled at me without a trace of mockery!" Tweek sang, turning to the front of the stage. 

"Everyone's high as a kite! Ain't nobody home tonight!" Everyone sang. 

"Freaked, tweaked, it's all a blur. Is that weed? I need a hit!" Tweek muttered, sounding drunk as he took a fake blunt out of someone's hand and inhaling it. 

"Fill that joint and roll it tight! Ain't nobody home tonight!" 

"Dreams are coming true when people laugh but not at you! I'm not alone, I'm not afraid! I feel like Bono at Live-Aid!" The blonde screamed in excitement. 

"The house is ooouuu-ours! It's time for big fun! Big fun! Let's use their showers, that sounds like big fun! Big fun! Crack open one more case!" 

"I think that's what they call third base?" Tweek questioned.

"Big fun! Big fun! Big fuuuuun!" 

"That actually looks like—" Tweek slurred, leaning on Bebe for support. 

"Big fun! Big fun! Big fuuuuuuun! Woo!" The students sing, Stan grabbing Tweek and pushing him over, Clyde catching him just before he hits the floor, one of his legs flying upwards as he's pushed back up. 

Kyle grabs a giant pig piñata and holds it up. "Alright people listen up! What is Westerberg gonna do to the Razorbacks at Sunday's game?" 

He throws the piñata to Stan, who catches it. "Gonna make 'em go "Eek! Eek! Eek! Eek!" Stan exclaimed, rolling his hips against the piñata. 

"Big fun! Big fun!" 

"Way to show maturity!" Heidi insulted. 

"Big fun! Big fun!" 

A guy stumbles and falls onto Heidi, she pushes him away. "Quit it jackass! Get off of me!" 

"Big fun! Big fun!" 

"Ram, I think I saw some freshmen sneaking over the pool fence." Tweek said, placing a hand on Stan's shoulder. 

"Are you serious? I hate freshmen." He grumbled. "Where are you fucking pricks? I'm coming for you!" 

Tweek looks over and sees Bebe throwing up in the corner. "Hey, are you ok?" He asked, holding up her hair. 

She stands back up and wipes her mouth. "I didn't need your help!" 

"That's sad Heather! But at least I don't have to vomit right now!" Tweek drunkenly laughed. 

"The party's hot, hot, hot! It's time for big fun! Big fun!" 

Kyle walks over to Tweek, holding a shot glass. "You need a Jell-O shot!" 

"We're having big fun! Big fun!" 

  Wendy, Bebe, and Heidi come together in the front of the stage, hands on their hips as they bounce one side of their hip. 

"Martha Dump truck, in the flesh." Wendy sang. 

"Here comes the cootie squad! We should—" Bebe started. 

"Shut up Heather!" The black haired girl shouted. 

"Sorry, Heather." The girl in green mumbled. 

"Look who's with her, oh my god." Heidi exclaimed. 

Still bouncing one side of their hips, they put a hand up to the side of their face, then the hand going under their chin, over and over again. "Dang, dang, diggety-dang-a-dang! Dang, dang, diggety-dang-a-dang!" 

Tweek walks over to Nichole, who enters the stage. "I can't believe you actually came!" 

"It's exciting, right?" Nichole smiled. "I want to say hello to Ram. I brought sparkling cider!" 

"Showing up here took some guts, time to rip them out!" Wendy exclaimed. 

"Who's this pig remind you of? Especially the snout!" Heidi laughed, pointing to the pig piñata, that had a sign with the name "Martha Dump Truck" on it. 

"Dang, dang, diggety-dang-a-dang! Dang, dang, diggety-dang-a-dang!" The girls repeated. 

"Where the hell are those freshmen?" Stan asked himself, walking around the stage. 

"Hello, Ram. I wasn't going to show up. But since you took the time to write that sweet note—" Nichole greeted. 

"What note? Why do you have to be so fucking weird all the time? Nobody would hate you if you acted normal!" Stan takes the bottle out of her hand and drinks some of it before spitting it out all over the place, making a dramatic sound. "There's no alcohol in this! What? Are you trying to poison me?" 

"Dang, dang, diggety-dang-a-dang! Dang, dang, diggety-dang-a-dang! Dang, dang, diggety-dang-a-dang! Diggety-dang-a-dang!" The same girls yelled once again. 

"The folks are gooo-one! It's time for big fun! Big fun! We're up 'til dawn having some big fun! Big fun! So let the speakers blow, they'll buy another stereo! Our folks got no clue 'bout all the shit their children do! Why are they surprised whenever we're unsupervised?" 

  Stan and Kyle go to the front of the stage, Stan doing a handstand then doing the worm. After getting up, the boys chest-bump once again. Everyone around them dancing. Tweek, Wendy, and Bebe stand at the top, above the entrance to the stage and Tweek starts dancing until Wendy shoots him a glare; making him stop.

"It's big fun! Big fun! Big fun! Big fun! Big fun! Big fuuuuuuuun! Woooooo!" 

  They all end in their final pose until the music comes to a complete stop. All the attention now at the three at the top of the stage…

Chapter Text

"Hello fellow Westerberg students! It's time to celebrate our upcoming victory over the Razorbacks by destroying their mascot!" Wendy greets, everyone cheering. 

Heidi comes out from below the top part of the stage, holding a blindfold and a bat. "We need a volunteer to take the first swing at the piñata!" 

She points the bat at Nichole. "Martha Dunnstock! Why don't you have a go?" Wendy offered. 

"I don't really know this game." Nichole muttered, other students making fun of her and mocking her. 

"Well, maybe we should show her some Westerberg spirit!" Heidi exclaimed, making everyone cheer again.

  Everyone chants her character's name as Nichole shakes her head, declining the offer silently. Heidi spins her around several times and puts the blindfold on her, spinning her more afterwards. 

"Bring out the piñata!" The girl dressed in yellow commands. 

  Bebe grabs onto it. The pig piñata now having a wig that matched Nichole's hair, and the round glasses she wore. Still, the sign around the piñata had her name on it.

"What's your damage, Heather?" Tweek exclaimed. 

Tweek and Bebe fight over the piñata. "Give it to me!" She demanded, Tweek getting a hold of it.

"You want it? Swim for it." Tweek said, throwing it backstage, a sound affect sounding like a splash in water. 

He threw it into Ram's pool. 

The girls glare at him as Nichole rips the blindfold off, staring up at Tweek. "What's going on?" 

"Go home! I'll explain later! Go." He commands, his tone sweet but stern. 

Wendy slowly walks up to him. "We gave it a shot, huh?" Tweek joked, obviously still drunk. "I'm resigning my position from the lip gloss Gestapo! Going back to civilian life." 

"No!" Wendy yelled, grabbing him and spinning him around as he was about to walk away. 

"Don't you spin me! I'm not feel my best!" Tweek slurred. 

  She grabs his hair, that was still in a short ponytail and smacks his head on the metal bar that was a barrier for the balcony of the stage. Once, she actually hit his head pretty hard, it left a bruise and a bump for over a week. Ever since, Tweek would slide his hand where his head would hit at, so he wouldn't actually get hurt. 

"You don't get to be a nobody again! Monday, you'll be an ex-somebody! Not even the losers will want you now!" Wendy shouted, lifting his head back up and pushing him. "Transfer to Washington, transfer to Jefferson. Nobody at Westerberg is going to let you play their reindeer games!" She exclaimed. 

  Tweek grabs her and bends her over, almost toppling over himself. He puked all over her. And Wendy screamed, she screamed so loudly. It was powerful how good she could scream. Tweek continued making disgusting vomit noises until she was done screaming. Almost everyone covers their mouths in shock. 

  Wendy quickly gets up, fake puke all over her. Tweek also gets up slowly, wiping his mouth with more fake puke on it. 

"I raised you up from nothing! And what's my thanks?" She exclaimed sassily. I get paid in puke!" 

Tweek's leans in a bit. "Lick it up, baby." He started. 

"Lick." He puts his index finger up. "It." Then he puts his middle finger up as well. "Up." He brings his hand down, now only holding up his middle finger to her face. 

They all freeze for a moment before Wendy starts talking again. "I know who I'm eating lunch with on Monday. Do you?" 

  Everyone turns around, facing away from Tweek. He doesn't say anything else, he just runs, more stumbling, away. And Wendy smiled before turning back to everyone else. 

"Ok party people, where's the goddamn music?" She says loudly, making everyone turn around and cheer again.

It goes dark and everyone runs off stage, some people changing the scenery again. "Wow. If I could give Heather Chandler the finger I'd be soo happy." Craig says. 

"You ain't giving me the finger, JD." Wendy responded. 

Craig puts his finger up. "I think I just did." 

"You guys are so stupid." Stan insulted. 

"You're the one to talk. You were humping a pig piñata on stage!" Bebe claims. 

"That was a part of the dance!" He excused. 

  Tweek quickly drags Craig away from the conversation, pushing him out on stage to get in position as he goes out the other side. The music starts playing for the next song, he swallows up saliva in his mouth to get ready. The lights are back on, but very dim to emphasize it's dark outside. 

"The demon queen of high school has decreed it." He starts, his voice a bit off, to show he was still a bit drunk and maybe stoned. "She says Monday eight a.m, I'll be deleted!" 

Tweek's voice gets a bit louder as the lights get slightly brighter. "They'll hunt me down in study hall! Stuff and mount me on the walls! Thirty hours to live, how should I spend them?" 

"I don't have to stay and die like...cattle. I could change my name and ride up to Seattle!" He suggested to himself, only to sigh in disappointment. "But I don't own a motorbike." 

He looks over to see a window, Craig sitting on his bed. "Wait..here and option that I like. Spend these thirty hours getting freaakyyyyy! Yeah!" Tweek sings, squatting down as his hands travel down his legs. 

He inches closer to the window. "I need it hard! I'm a dead boy waaalkinnng! I'm in your yard! I'm a dead boy waaalkinnng! Before they punch my clock—" Tweek sang, lifting up the window and climbing through. "—I'm snapping off your window lock. Got no time to knock, I'm a dad boy waaalkinnng.." 

Craig looks away from his book. "Vern? What the hell are you doing in my room?" 

"Shhhhhh!" Tweek hummed, quite loudly as he gets closer to him. 

"Sorry, but I really had to wake you." He sang, Craig shrugged, trying to show him the book, signaling that he was awake anyway. "See, I decided I must ride you ‘til I break you! 'Cause Heather says I gots to go, you're my last meal on death row!" 

Craig is quick to put the bookmark in his book, throwing it aside. Before he can say anything, Tweek interrupts him. 

"Shut your mouth. And lose those tightly-whitiiessss!" He sang, his finger circularing around his crotch. 

As Craig takes his belt off, Tweek rushes him. "Come on! Tonight I'm yours! I'm your dead boy waaalkinnng!" 

Craig smiles at him, until he pushes him down to the very thin mattress. "Get on all fours! Kiss this dead boy waaalkinnng! Let's go, you know the drill. I'm hot, and pissed, and I've got the lube! Bow down to the will of a dead boy waalkinng. And you know, you know, you know-ow, it's 'cause you're beautiful. You say you're numb inside but I can't agree. So the world's unfair? Keep it locked out there!" 

Tweek looks right into Craig's eyes, singing the next lyrics. "In here it's beautifulllll. Let's make this beautifullll!" 

"That works for me!" Craig smiles, their lips smashing together. They kiss for a minute before breaking it, Tweek taking off the blue vest he wore and Craig taking off his black shirt, which he wore a white tank top underneath. 

  They kiss again, pulling away sooner and Tweek pushing Craig down on the uncomfortable mattress, getting on top of him and kissing him again. Before they know it, Tweek sits back up, raising his arm up. 

"Yeaaaahhh! Full steam ahead! Take this dead boy waaalkinnng!" He sings, Craig looking up at him. 

"How's you find my address?" He asked, not receiving an answer. 

"Let's break the bed! Rock this dead boy waaalkinnng!" Tweek exclaims, pulling out his small ponytail that was held up with a blue scrunchy. 

"I think you tore my mattress!" Craig yelled. 

"No sleep tonight for you. Better chug that Mountain Dew." He says calmly. 

"Ok, ok." The black haired boy mumbled. 

"Get your ass in gear!" Tweek demanded, forcefully grabbing his wrists. "Make this whole town disappear!" 

"Ok, ok!" Craig responded, not much above a whisper but his microphone made it louder. 

"Slap me, pull my hair! Touch me—" The blonde sang before Craig joined him. "—there, and there, and there!" They shouted, Tweek placing Craig's hands on each side of his chest before the boy decides to rip the buttons off his shirt, leaving his chest exposed. 

"And no more taaaalllkkkkiiinng!" Tweek sang loudly, Craig leaning back a bit. 

"Woah-oaahhh-oooooaaaahhh!" The dark haired boy vocalized. 

"Looooove this dead booooyyyyy walkiinnng!" 

  Tweek started to rock his hips on the pit of Craig's stomach slowly, trying their best to make this look real.

"Oooh, oohh, hey, hey, yeah, yeah!" 

"Loooove this dead booooyyyy walkiinnng!" 

"Ooh, hey, hey, wait, wait!"

"Love this dead boy! 

"Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!" They both sing together in unison. 

"Ow!" Craig yelled. 

"Yeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaahhh!" They end together, the song coming to an end. 

"I swear, they get better every time." Stan claims.

"They must be or practicing outside of rehearsal." Cartman joked. 

"Come on! Their sex life is none of our business!" Bebe exclaimed. 

  The scene ended rather quickly, times skipping to both of them asleep and cuddling on the tiny mattress. Wendy stood next to them, as many people stood behind them, some in the window and some just barely on stage, some were even on the top of the stage, above the entrance. All wearing white cloaks and movie theatre glasses. 

"Helllooooo, slut!" Wendy yelled, making Tweek jolt out of bed and sit up. 

"How did you get in here?" He asked, his breathing shaky and heavy. 

"I'm like oxygen! I'm everywherreee!" She breathed out. "I mean, seriously Vern? You slept with that? You had you first time with him?" 

"I will murder you on Monday! I kill kill your reputation! Everyone will know that good, little Vern Sawyer is nothing but a dirty, faggy, whore!" Wendy smiled at the thought. 

"Why do you want to hurt me so badly? Why are you so determined?" Tweek asked. 

She laughed for a minute before becoming completely serious again. "Because I can. It'll be sooooo veeerrrrry." Wendy yelled before walk-in of stage. 

The others in the white cloaks' walked off slowly. "Very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very." 

  As they walked away, the lights got dimmer and Tweek returned to sleeping next to Craig, in the position he was in before. Right as he laid back down, he sat up, letting out a horrifying scream. Which, also made Craig wake up immediately and sit next to him. 

He holds him, rubbing his back as Tweek's breathes heavily and uneven. "Are you ok? You're soaking wet." Craig said. 

"It was all just a dream." Tweek replied, almost pushing him away as he got up and buttoned his shirt up again. 

"What's the rush?" He asked. 

"I have to get to Heather's house." 

"Why? You said you were done with Heather?" 

"Yeah, that was a sweet fantasy." Tweek deadpanned as Craig got up and got his black shirt back on. "A world without Heather, a world where everybody's free. Now, it's morning and I got to kiss her aerobicized ass." 

"Oh yeah? Well, why don't I come with you?" Craig suggested. 

"Really?" 

"Yeah. For, you know, for backup!" 

Tweek chuckled a bit. "Ok then." He answers, kissing Craig suddenly. But he leans in and kisses back. 

"By the way, you were my first." The blonde adds, patting Craig's chest as he walked away.

Chapter Text

  After Tweek and Craig leave the stage, it goes dark again, leaving people to change the scene and for Wendy to come on stage. Instead of her preppy outfit she wore, she was wearing a thin, silk red robe with floral details on it. She wore her skirt underneath it along with the thigh-high socks and fishnets. A dim light shined on her as cast members moved things around. 

  She faced the red chairs, touching around and messing with her face as if she was looking in a mirror. The light gets brighter, showing the new scene. A beautiful red bed was paced where JD's bed was just a few seconds ago. Wendy walks over to the bed, putting on the eye mask that was laying on the light red, almost pink, sheets. She dramatically falls onto bed, going to sleep. 

  There was a very small portion of Heather's kitchen in view and that's where Tweek and Craig enter, dressed back in their usual outfits. 

"Heather?!" Tweek calls out. 

"Maybe shes not here." Craig suggested. 

"Trust me. She skips that Saturday morning trip to grandma's even when she's not hungover." He responds. "Heather!" 

"Heatheerrr!" 

"What?!" Wendy finally replied, sitting up. 

"It's Vern! I'm here to apologize!" Tweek says. 

"Hope you brought kneepads, bitch!" She yells. "Get me a Prairie Oyster and I'll think about it!" 

Tweek sighs, grabbing one of the plain white mugs off the rack, cracking an egg. "Don't forget the Worcestershire." Craig says, handing him a small bottle. 

"Oh! You know your hangover cures." The blonde smiled, taking it away from him. 

"My dad taught me all kinds of stuff." He answered. 

Tweek chuckled. "Hey, here's my revenge. I'm going to drop a phlegm globber in her Prairie Oyster. She'll never know." He claimed, making an odd sound effect before spitting in the cup. 

"I'm more of a no-rust-buildup man myself." Craig stated, opening up the cabinet and grabbing the bottle of cleaner.

"Don't be a dick! That stuff will kill her!" Tweek said. 

"Thus, ending her hangover." He added, grabbing a clear cup. "I say we go with biiiig...blue." 

"What are you doing? You know she'll never drink anything that looks like that." He confirmed. 

Craig grabs the other plain white mug, pouring the liquid in it. "Well, ceramic mug, dim light, she won't know what she's drinking." 

"Forget it." Tweek says coldly. 

"Oh! Chicken." He insulted before making chicken noises. 

"You aren't funny." 

"Alright, I'm sorry." 

Just as they're about to kiss again, Wendy interrupts them. "Prairie Oyster! Chop, chop!" 

  Tweek rolls his eyes and grabs the nearest mug, which so happens to be the mug with the blue cleaner in it. 

"Vern you..uh.." Craig started. 

"I what?" Tweek asked, turning around. 

"Never mind, good luck." 

They go past the window and into the bedroom, which was only across the stage. "Morning, Heather." The blonde greeted.

"Ahhh!" Wendy said as she sits up and takes off her eye mask. "Vern...and Jesse James. Queue Supri." 

"Let's get to it." She added, getting up from her bed. "Beg."

"We both said things we didn't mean last night—"

"I would prefer it if you did this, you know, on your knees and in front of your boy toy." Wendy smiled narcissistically. 

Tweek giggled a bit, assuming it was a joke. "Ok look, I am really sorry—"

"Does it look like I'm kidding? On your knees. Now." The black haired girl demanded, pointing to the floor. 

Tweek hands her the mug and sighs before dropping to his knees. "Nice!" Wendy praised before turning stone cold again. "But you're still dead to me." 

  She drinks the blue liquid, suspenseful music playing in the background. Suddenly, Wendy starts choking, making Craig turn around and watch. She falls to her knees, throwing the empty mug at Tweek. 

"Corn..nuts..!" Wendy gets out before falling to the floor and dying.

Tweek looks in the mug, blue consistency left in the mug. "Queue Supri indeed." Craig commented. 

"Don't just stand there! Call nine-one-one!" Tweek exclaimed. 

"A little late for that!" The black haired boy deadpanned. 

"Heather. Heather. Oh—oh my god! I just killed my best friend!" He yells, breathing frantic. 

"More so your worst enemy." 

"Same difference!" 

"The police are going to think I did this on purpose! They're going to have to send my SAT scores to San Quentin!"

"Unless, look, she was reading The Bell Jar." 

"Oh no." 

"Oh yes. You can fake her handwriting!" Craig suggested. "Make it sound deep like this: "I had pain in my path, like Silvia Plath. My problems were myriad." " 

Tweek shrugged a bit, trying to come up with something. "I was having my period." He said before bursting out in laughter then seeing Wendy's dead body. "Oh my god!" 

"You know, this isn't funny! You could go to jail, get your head straight now." Craig claimed.

"Heather would never use the world myriad. She missed it in her vocab quiz last week." Tweek deadpanned. 

"That would mean it's a badge for her failures, work with me." 

"Ok." The blonde replied, taking the notebook and pen. 

The music started up for the next song. "Think long and hard. Conjure her up in your mind. What would she say? What would be her final statement to a cruel, uncaring planet?" Craig encouraged. 

"Dear World, believe it or not, I knew about fear. I knew the way loneliness...stung. I hid behind meanness and insanely hot clothes. I learned to kiss boys with my tongue." Tweek began. 

"That's good."

"But oooohhh, the world, it held me down. I-uh, it weighed like a concrete prom queen crown." The blonde sang, focused on his writing. 

Wendy sits up, scaring Tweek. "No one thinks a pretty girl has feelings! No one cares about her insecurities! I am more than stuffed bras and makeup! No one sees the me inside of me." She sang before glaring at Tweek. "God! You're making me sound like air supply!" Wendy said before dropping dead again.

"Keep going. This has to be good enough to fool the cops." Craig said. 

  Tweek writes more down before placing the paper and pen next to the dead body, Craig getting up and running off stage. Tweek stayed, getting up and looking back at the body and staying by the window, that was just by the exit of the stage. 

"Look who it is! Partners in crime!" Kyle teased. 

"You're next dimwit." Craig claimed. 

"But I'm not dead yet!" The redhead answered. 

"Have you guys ever considered not killing us off? I think Kyle and I would make pretty good final boys." Stan suggested. 

"We didn't write the script and no I haven't thought of it. And Tweek is the final boy." The black haired boy said. 

"There's only enough room for one of us, partner." The other dark haired boy said in a cowboy accent. 

"Wouldn't there be two of us? Since it would be me and you as final boys?" Kyle questioned. 

"Sorry, I'm betraying you." Stan deadpanned, making finger guns and pretending to shoot Kyle.

Cartman and Tolkien enter the stage wearing police uniforms. "Woah! Is it murder?" Eric asked. 

"No. Look, she left a suicide note." Tolkien claimed, grabbing the paper. 

Wendy sits back up. "They couldn't see last my rockstar mystique. They wouldn't dare look in my eyes. But just underneath, was a terrified girl who clung to her pillow and cried. My looks were just like prisoooon baaaars, they've left me a myriaaad of scaaarrrs!" They all sang, Tweek, Wendy and the two officers. 

"Myriad? Nice." Wendy shrugged. 

"No one thiiiiinks a pretty girl has substaaannce. That's the cuuurrse of populaaarrityyy." They all came together, singing. 

  The scenery has changed as Wendy gets up, realizing she was now a ghost. 

"Popularity!" Cartman and Tolkien added. 

"I am mooorre than just a sooouurrce of hand jooobs." Cartman sang, not even knowing he could. 

"No one seeees the me inside of meeee-eee!" Wendy, Tweek, Tolkien and Cartman sing before all of them but Wendy leaving stage. 

Jimmy, Red, and Kenny enter the stage, the note being tossed to them as they read what's next. "Heather Chandler's not your everyday s-suicide." Jimmy confirmed. 

"We should cancel classes." Kenny suggested. 

"No way, Coach. I send the kids home before lunch, and the switch board will light up like a Christmas tree." He claimed. 

"What?! Our children are dying! I say everyone gets together in the cafeteria and talk and feel our feelings!" Red exclaimed. 

"Thank you, Miss Fleming, call me when the shuttle lands." Kenny joked, making Jimmy laugh. 

"I'm telling you, we all misjudged Heather Chandler. This is the most heartbreaking suicide note I've ever read." She shouts. 

"Box up my clothing for Goodwill, and give the poor my Nordic track. Donate my car to crippled kids, or those ghetto moms on drugs! Give them my hats, and my CDs, my pumps, my flats, my three TVs!" Wendy and Red, Jimmy, Red, and Kenny squishing together to read the note. As they're singing, many other students come on set, not believing what they hear. 

"No one thinks a pretty girl has feelings! But I weep for all I failed to be, I failed to be. Maybe I can help the world by leaving. Maybe that's the me inside of me." Everyone came together, singing beautifully, like a choir. 

"Aw, h—ell! Long w-w-weekend for everybody!" Jimmy announced. 

"Not so fast!" Red shouted. "While they're refueling the busses, that gives us a solid half hour of healing and feeling! Everyone needs to study this suicide note and feel what Heather felt!" 

Heidi steps up to the front of the stage. "Her world seemed like a perfect place." 

"Go on." Red encouraged. 

"Her life had hit a rocky patch!" A random student, Butters, continued. 

"Feel!" Red shouted. 

"That's why she punched me in the face!" A girl exclaimed. 

"Heal!" 

"She didn't mean to be a bitch!" All the students excused. 

  Tweek lets out a laugh, making everyone look at him. When he noticed, he starts to fake crying, hugging Craig to really sell it. 

"Vern? Something on your mind?" Red wondered. 

"I'm sorry. It's just this classroom discussion is letting out emotions I haven't felt in a really long time." He replied through fake sobs, Craig pats his back and holds his hand, holding it up for everyone to see. 

"My god. Look what we've done, we're breaking through. Heather would be so proud of you!" Red sang. 

"And you, and you, and you, and you!" Everyone yelled, pointing at one another. "No one thinks a pretty girl can touch yooouu!" 

"Heather touching me." Stan and Kyle muttered, standing right behind Wendy, who had a grossed up expression on her face. She throws her hands down and walks away from them. 

"But shes made us better than we were! Heather's dead but she'll live inside of us! And I'll be the me inside of her!" 

"Holy shit this is awesoooome!" Wendy screams from the center of the stage. 

"Heather cried, our sins fell off her shoulders!" 

"Jesus Christ!" The girl screamed again. "I'm bigger than John Lennon!" 

"Heather died so we could all be free! Heather's gone, but she will live forever!" 

"She's the dove that sings outside my window!" Nichole claimed, Wendy running up to her and making a bird out of her hands.

"She's the twin from whom I'm separated!" Another student said, the black haired girl running up to him and leaning on his shoulder. 

"She's the horse I never got on Christmas!" A girl yelled, Wendy running behind her and making a disgusted face, waving it off. 

She runs over to Jimmy, mocking him as he fixes his tie. "Heather sees the me inside of me! Heather is the me inside of me! Inside of me!" All the students sing as the song ends. The stage, again, goes dark, everyone being able to still be seen but a spotlight on Wendy as she does her dramatic final pose. Everyone leaves the stage, only leaving Tweek and Craig sitting on the steps.

Red is on top of the stage, above the middle entrance and holding a microphone. "As anyone who saw the Breakfast Club can tell you, all teenagers are essentially the same." She began, Bebe coming up behind her and posing. 

"Heather was not alone in feeling alone. We have to identify the other ticking bombs out there. Identify and..." She paused, pushing the blonde away. "Heal them." Red continued. "But, I gave Heather a C minus last week. And now I lie awake in my bed, thinking that I was the reason why she did what she did." 

"God, turn it off." Tweek grumbled, shifting on the step he sat on. Craig grabs a remote and hits the button that makes the whole stage go dark but the small spot where they sat at. 

The blonde groaned. "What shit. Shows like this make suicide look cool. "Hey kids, make your teacher cry to get the respect you didn't receive in life." It's gross." 

It fell silent for a minute, Tweek pulling a bit on Craig's leather jacket. "Do you think Heather's mom keeps everything in her room the same, like she's still alive?" 

"The rugs gonna need to get cleaned at some point." Craig shrugged. "Why ask?" 

"Well, I feel bad." He answers as if it was the most obvious thing ever. "Heather was a human-being and we killed her! You feel bad too, right?" 

The other immediately turns his head to look at the blonde. "Of course." A door opens and Craig gets up in an instant. "Hey, want to go to Dairy Queen and get some ice cream?" 

"What's wrong?" Tweek asked. 

"Jason!" Kenny shouted, entering the stage from the opposite side. 

"We need to leave now." Craig says calmly. 

"Whats going on?" He asked again. 

"Jason? Are you here?" Jenny shouts again.

"That's my dad!" 

"Oh cool, I want to meet him." 

"Not a good idea! He's not supportive and..whatever." Craig tried to reason. 

"Jason, come on! It's showtime!" The blonde answered, finally making his way over to them. 

"Oh! Mister Dean, hello!" Tweek gets up. 

"Vern, this is my dad, Big Bud Dean—"

"Get rid of him. Some friends of ours need a hotel brought down. Run over to Sears, get eighty pounds of fertilizer and some diesel fuel. Uh, use the Nevada ID." Kenny instructed, counting out money and handing it to Craig. 

"I'm going for ice cream, with my boyfriend." The black haired boy deadpanned. 

The blonde scoffs, looking Craig up and down. "You know how I blew up one of those shit box suburban houses? Packed the top floor with thermals, set it all off with a Norwegian in the boiler room." Kenny turns to Tweek, inching closer to him. "Where's your house, sweetheart?"

He turns back to Craig, hands shoved deep in his pockets. "Well, I should go. My mom is cooking dinner, spaghetti with lots of oregano." Tweek says. 

"Nice. Last time I saw my mom, she was waving at me out the window of a library in Florida. Right, dad?" Craig claimed, staring into Kenny's eyes as he began to tear up, sounding like he was actually about to cry. 

"That's right, son." Kenny dryly replied. 

Tweek stands there awkwardly, putting the pieces together. "Ok. Well, see you tomorrow." 

A light shines above him, everything else going dark as Kenny and Craig leave the stage. "Dear, Diary. JD's dad will not be speaking at our wedding."

Chapter Text

  The stage goes dark and a phone can be heard ringing. Once the phone is picked up, two lights appear on the stage. One on Tweek, who had the phone up to his ear, and on the other side of the stage was the other light, pointed on Bebe and Heidi.

"Hello?" Tweek asked. 

"Vern! It's Heather McNamara. I need help. I'm out at Layman's Farm, come quick!" Heidi exclaimed. 

"What's wrong?" He asked. 

"Hurry please! It's an emergency! I'll tell you when you get here!" She said, quickly hanging up the phone as Tweek ran off the stage.

"Is he coming?" Bebe asked. 

"I think so, he said he was. I just kinda feel bad for dragging him all the way out here." Heidi answered, both of them almost tip-toeing around the stage. 

"Nobody gives a shit about your stupid feelings." The blonde girl exclaimed. "Ugh! This mud is going to ruin my new shoes!" 

"I'm not sure it's mud." The other girl responded. 

"Shit!" Bebe yelled, looking directly in front of her. 

"Exactly." Heidi replied. 

Tweek enters the stage again, walking up to them. "What are you two doing in the middle of a cow farm?" 

"We were heading to the cemetery to pour a jug to Thunderbird on Heather's grave, you know, for the homies." The girl in yellow claimed, hitting her chest and holding up the peace sign. 

"But Ram and Kurt saw cows and stopped the car." Bebe added, both of the boys being seen in the back, just barely on stage. 

"Why? There's nothing out here but cows." Tweek responded. 

"Get ready to push! Put more of your back into it!" Kyle exclaimed, Tweek, Bebe, and Heidi turning around and staring at them.

"At the count of three!" Stan yelled. 

"What are they doing?" The blonde asked. 

"Cow tipping." Bebe confirmed. 

"One, two, three." The boys counted down, pushing against something behind stage as a noise of a cow could be heard. 

"So immature." The girl in green grumbled. 

"Come on, I'll drive you guys home." Tweek stated. 

"Oh, that's not why we called you." Bebe started. "We made a deal with the guys." 

"A deal? What kind of deal?" He asked. 

"If we got someone to show up here, Kurt promised to give us his keys so we can leave." Heidi explained. 

"Show up for what?" 

"Come on! I see the way you look at Ram and Kurt!" She chuckled.

Tweek joined in before looking at her. "What?" 

"You think they're cute, right?" Heidi asked. 

"No. And besides, they aren't even gay." He claimed. 

"Closeted bisexuals." She whispered, making Tweek's eyes widen. 

"Still, no. They're aren't cute." He repeated. 

Stan and Kyle walk up to them. "The cows are down for cows." The redhead started. 

"And the chicks are up for grabs!" Stan added. 

"Vern is here so we're leaving. Car keys, now." Bebe said sternly, demanding the keys. 

"Wait! We said to bring a chick!" The redhead recalled.

"And you guys also said that you wanted to “fag out and experiment..” you're welcome!" Heidi smiled. "Have fun!"

"Don't do anything we wouldn't do." The blonde girl stated, walking off stage. 

"Oh look! More keys!" Kyle exclaimed, taking the key's out of Tweek's hand. 

"Oh, no, no, no, no! Come on! Give me my keys!" Tweek yelled, Stan and Kyle throwing and catching the keys back and forth, basically playing monkey in the middle, and Tweek was in the middle. 

"Stop messing around we have to get home!" The boy in blue yelled. 

"We can't  leave right now, not when we're alone and you're dressed like that." Stan claims, the music starting up. 

"Dressed like what? This is what I always wear." Tweek replied as both jocks get closer to him. 

"We know, and it's torture!" Kyle admitted. 

"How do you expect us to control ourselves when you look like that?!" The other questioned. 

"Dear Diary!" Tweek yelled as he ran forward, Kyle and Stan chasing after him but freezing. "Here we are in the dark, twenty yards from my car. I could climb that tree, I wouldn't ever get that far." 

"They're a hundred pounds heavier, they have my keys! I'm a rat in a trap! Correction, I'm the cheese."  

They unfreeze, Kyle pushing Stan out the way. "Hey there boy, ignore this fool. He tries to play it cool while he's covered in drool." 

"Just trying to say in our friendly way, that you've gotten hotter like everyday!" Stan smiled, getting up off the floor and pushing Kyle away. 

"Wow!" Kyle admired in a high pitched voice, dragging his hand down Tweek's body. 

"Hey there boy, avoid this punk!" The dark haired boy sang, bending over and twerking as he said the next lyrics. "He's hungry for a hunk of that junk in your trunk!" 

Kyle pulls Stan's jacket, dragging him across the stage. "There is no lie, that dog won't try when a tasty treat like you walks by!" 

" 'Cause once you were geeky and nerdy! Now you're flirty, freaky, and dirty!" Both the jocks sang. "You we're nothing and nobody, but now you're good enough to get with me!" They exclaimed, jumping up and down. 

"You're welcome, look where you are! You're welcome, you've won some football stars!" 

"You're welcome! Honey, what's that smell?" Stan asked.

"That's the smell of me loving you well!" Kyle answered. 

"You're welcome." They sang together again, beatboxing afterwards as Tweek tried to get away. 

They freeze again, the spotlight on Tweek. "This is not a drill, this is not a bad dream! In a cow pasture, no one can hear you scream." He sang, walking backwards and getting close to the frozen boys. 

"Stay awake, stay aware, you aren't in real danger until they grab your haaa-air!" 

They unfreeze, Stan attempting to grab Tweek's short ponytail. "Come back boy! Now, don't be rude! If you don't want me staring, why you wearing that vest?"

"We can't be tamed, and we can't be blamed. It's all your fault that we're inflamed!" Kyle vocalized, Stan jumping on his back. 

" 'Cause once you were grody and grotty! Now, you got a body like a Maserati!" The boys belted out, pretending to drive a car. 

Stan gets off from Kyle's back, both of them cornering Tweek. "Stroke my fur, make me purr! Hey! You wanted to be populaaar!" 

"Hit me!" Kyle yelled, Stan fist-bumping him before they came together and singing in unison. "You're welcome, look where you are! You're welcome, come get your football stars! You're welcome, you've joined the pros!" 

"Once we squeeze you, you'll stay squoze." Kyle smiled. 

"You're welcome in my lap, welcome on my knee." Stan crooned, trying to grab Tweek. 

He backs up, falling into Kyle, who wraps his arms around him. "Well, come on and get grabby in the grass with me." 

Both boys lean in to kiss him but Tweek puts his hands out, blocking them as they go froze again. "I got one last chance to save my ass! What was that move from my self-defense class?" 

Tweek quickly backs away as they unfreeze again. "I'll steal your heart like a thief, bring you sweet relief." Stan sang, the jocks making a heart with their hands. 

"Call me Wendy 'cause you never wonder, where's the beef?" Both of them chant, pausing again. 

Tweek strolls between them. "They're a powder keg so don't yell or beg! Stay friendly then gently, accidentally sweep the leg!" He advised, kicking their legs and making them tumble to the floor. 

"Whoa! What the hell?" Stan asked. 

"Dude, this mud stinks!" Kyle commented. 

"Oh gross!" He replied. 

"You're welcome." Tweek smiled, taking a bow. 

"Back the fuck up, you reek!" Kyle insulted. 

"You're welcome." 

"You smell like a sewage leak!" Stan spat. 

"You're welcome." 

"Wait dude, I'm pretty sure.." The redhead started.

"...This ain't mud! It's cow manure!" The jocks yelled. 

"You're welcome." 

"It's everywhere!" 

"You're welcome." 

"Shit! It's in my hair!" 

"You're welcome." 

"Hey, boy, now let's not dwell! On the smell, you could tell, I could still be loving you well!" They both claim, running up to Tweek, who just barely made it away, they fall to the ground again as they accidentally bump into one another. 

"Swell!" 

"No, I'll be loving you well!" 

"See you in hell!" 

"No, I'll be loving him well! No, I'll be, I'll be, I'll be, I'll be loving, loving, loving, loving, loving him well!" The jocks chanted, rolling around all over the stage and trying to get to Tweek. 

"You're welcome, you're welcome, you're welcoooooome!" They all sing, the song ending with Kyle raising up his arm, making it easier for Tweek to take his keys back as he gives them both the finger. 

  Music plays as the stage goes dark again, transitioning to the next scene as Stan and Kyle run off the stage. The lights come back on just a moment later. 

"Dear Diary, that was a close one. My so-called friends avoided date rape by volunteering me for date rape." Tweek claimed. 

Wendy comes on stage, in the same red robe she wore when her character died. "That sort of assholery never happened when I was in charge." 

"Oh…you." The blonde grumbled, rolling his eyes.

"I kept Ram and Kurt on a very tight leash, and they weren't bisexual." Wendy confirmed. 

"Look, I'm sorry you're dead now, but let's not rewrite history. You were a thug." Tweek said. 

"Maybe so. But, I made trains run on time, everybody knew their place, the yearbook got done properly, the prom was always awesome, and the spirit float won a fucking blue ribbon." The black haired girl listed, Bebe and Heidi entering the stage and opening up a locker, looking through it. "Once you've scarfed down a hot ball of chaos, you'll look back on my regime as the good old days! ...What are those two pillowcases doing?" 

Tweek looks back at them. "Well, it looks like they're finally cleaning out your locker."

Chapter Text

"Oh! Vern, Heather has this red watch. She would want you to have it, she always said you couldn't accessorize for shit." The girl dressed in yellow restated, throwing the watch to Tweek, who caught it and put it on his wrist. 

"Thanks?" He replied. 

Bebe puts a red scrunchie on her wrist, admiring it. "Hey, that's Heather's scrunchie!" Heidi exclaimed. 

"Heather Chandler is gone! It's up to me to take her place!" Bebe sassed. 

The other girl giggled a bit. "Is that a joke?" 

"It is most certainly a joke!" Wendy yelled, though only Tweek could hear her. 

"Why would you say that, Heather?" The blonde girl wondered. 

"See, chaos!" The black haired girl said sternly, turning to Tweek. 

"Heather was our friend. We can't just swap her out like a lightbulb." Heidi claims.

"It's because I'm not a cheerleader like you, isn't it?" Bebe asked. "You think you're better than me." She accused. 

"What? No!" The girl dressed in yellow responded, before laughing. "Shut up, Heather." 

"No, Heather! You shut up!" Bebe shouted in a threatening tone. Upbeat music began to play as she added the red scrunchie in her ponytail. 

"I have a new favorite color!" She announced, slamming the locket shut and scaring Heidi as she began to sing. "Heather choked, bought the farm. She could not hack it. Now we need a strong arm to run this rack-et." 

"Heather's out. Who will rise? Gotta fill that vac-uum. It's my turn, it's my prize! I spit lightning—" The blonde girl sang, others coming on the stage. "Crack, boom!" They yelled. 

"I bit my tongue so long. I learned to count to ten. My silence made me strong! I did my time and then A house dropped—" Bebe vocalized, other joining. "On her head! The witch is dead! Ding dong!" 

Students surrounded her, grabbing pieces of her green jacket and skirt and pulling it off, revealing Wendy's old red outfit underneath as the lights changed red as well. "Move, bitch, it's my song!" 

"I will never shut up agaaaain! I will never shut up agaaaain! Brand new day watching dreams come true!" Everyone sang. 

"Well, for me, not you." Bebe laughed, Wendy sticking her tongue out at her. 

Everyone joined her again. " 'Cause I'll never shut up again!" 

The lights changed back to normal, Bebe in the center of the stage, Heidi to her right as another cast member was to her left. "Girls like me don't climb high. Can't crack that ceil-ing. But now I scrape the sky! It's you who's kneeling. Heather's pet, you're old news. Look at you, you're busted! You think you'll fill her shoes? Too late I—"

"—Just did!" 

"Now I don't mean—"

"—To brag!"

"Once I was—"

"—One of you!" 

"But now I am—"

"—The flag! You pledge allegiance to!" 

"I am the dream you chase! I'm your—"

"—Amazing graaaaace!" 

"Yo, party's at my place!" Bebe announced, everyone following her around the stage, practically kissing the ground she walked on like she was the goddess they've been looking up to all their lives. The lights turn red again, everyone dancing around on the stage and following Bebe's moves. 

"I will never shut up agaaaain! I will never shut up agaaaain! Brand new day, now we're finally free! Free to worship me! 'Cause I'll never shut up—"

Tweek walks up to Bebe. "Shut up, don't judge me, Little Mister Innocence." She snarled, snatching the diary right out of Tweek's hands. 

She opens it up and rips out the very first page, holding it up for everyone. "Your hands ain't clean, I see your fingerprints. You act so uptight, so virgin white." Bebe said softly as she rips out pages and hands them out to people. 

"But I heard from the boys what you were up to last night!" She claimed, dropping the diary before walking away. Tweek bends over to grab it as Heidi stays with him. Stan and Kyle enter the stage again. 

"Vern is my wet dream!" Kyle admitted, sliding on the stage floor. 

"Vern really likes to scream!" Stan exclaimed. 

"Vern took one for the team!" The redhead continued. 

"He took two for the team!" The other jock yelled. 

"What?" Tweek questioned. 

"That boy was on his back! That boy was big fun!" They both sang. 

"Big fun!" 

"We smoked his crack! That was some big fun!" 

"Big fun!" 

"And that's when things went South! We had a sword fight in his mouth!" They say, chest bumping. 

"Whoa! Dang, diggety-dang-a-dang! Freak! Dang, diggety-dang-a-dang! Slut! Dang, diggety-dang-a-dang! Sword fight in his mouth! I will never shut up agaaaain!" 

"Sword fight in his mouth!" 

"I will never shut up agaaaain!" 

"Sword fight in his mouth!" 

"I'm on fire and you're my fuel!" 

Bebe turns to Tweek, who was almost crying. "You should find a new school!" 

" 'Cause I will never shut up agaaaain!" 

"Yeaaahhhh" 

"Never shut up agaaaain!" 

"No, no, no, no, no!" Bebe sang. "All hail the queen! I wear the red, the scrunchies on my head! You can't run, you can't hide, I am a crimson tide! You better mind what you do, big sister's watching you! Can I get an amen? Because I'll never shut up agaaaain!" 

  Stan and Kyle pick Bebe up, sitting on their shoulders as they held her up as the songs ends. The light goes back to it's normal color and everyone continues with their business. The whole time, Wendy just stood in the corner, watching chaos and destruction unfold.

Tweek starts crying as Craig dashes onto the stage. "Vern? What's wrong? What happened?" He asked, panicked and frantic. 

"Oh, he cried just like that last night. When he saw how big I was!" Kyle said, him and Stan approaching them. They fist-bump each other, smirking as Tweek ran off stage. 

"Shit dude, you're way too good of an actor." Tolkien complimented. 

"You think so?" Tweek asked, wiping his tears. 

"Well yeah, not anyone can just start crying on the spot. That's real talent." Clyde claimed. 

  Craig tackles Kyle, hoping to get him on the floor. But instead, the redhead pushes him off and he falls into Stan, who threw him to the ground as they took turns kicking him in the stomach. Kenny and Jimmy run up to them, pulling Stan and Kyle away. 

"Alright back to c-class! All of you, ge—t back to class!" Jimmy commanded.

Chapter Text

  Tweek runs back onto stage, it was like he never left at all. Craig sits up, clutching his stomach in pain, the blonde rushes over to him as the music starts for the next song.

"Are you ok?" Tweek asked. 

"Sort of." Craig muttered. "What about you?" 

"Oh, I'm fine. But none of that stuff is true! I'm sorry about the waterworks." 

"They made you cry." Craig began to sing, they lost count of how many times they bursted out laughing while rehearsing this song. It only made it funnier that Craig looked right into Tweek's eyes as he sang the song. "But that will end tonight. You are the only thing that's right about this broken world, go on and cry." 

  Tweek, being the magnificent actor he was, was actually crying. His eyes red and puffy with real tears down his face. Craig didn't stop, he only continued with the song. 

"But when the morning comes, we'll burn it down and then, we'll build the world again. Our love is god." 

"You sure you're ok?" Tweek asked, laying a hand on his shoulder as Craig got up, the other boy following.

"I was alone. I was a frozen lake, but then you melted me awake." He trilled, tearing up himself. Tweek grabbed his hand, his tears not washing away. Seeing Tweek crying, even if it was all for show, it was enough to make Craig upset. 

"See, now I'm crying too. You're not alone."  

"You're not alone." Tweek vocalized as background, moving some hair out of Craig's face. 

"And when the morning comes." He sang, now facing and looking down at the blonde. 

"When the morning comes."

"We'll burn away that tear and raise our city herrreeeee!" 

"Raise our city herrreeeeee!" Tweek sang, Craig grabbing him by his waist and pulling him in close. 

"Our love is god." They chorused, kissing sweetly, it was gentle; soothing and the stage, again, goes dark. 

  They run to the other side of the stage, a spotlight shining as Craig sat on the stairs and Tweek holding a phone as a ringing sound was heard. 

  Kyle and Stan quickly rush on the stage, Kyle holding a football phone as Stan ate a banana. The redhead picks up the phone. 

"Hello?" 

"Kurt," Tweek started, almost whispering. 

"Vern?" Kyle asked, Stan snapping his head towards the redhead’s direction; listening in. 

"I'm sorry about the other night. It was just too hard to decide which one of you hot gentlemen I wanted to be with. But then I thought, why choose at all?" The blonde smiled. 

"Wait, what?" The redhead asked, confused. 

"Meet me at the cemetery at midnight." Tweek instructed, talking seductively into the phone. 

"Who? Me or Ram?" Kyle asked. 

"Why not both?" He questioned, hanging up the phone. 

"What did he want?" Stan asked. 

"Us." Kyle smiled. "Hell yeah." 

"Punch it in!" They both yelled, giving each other fist-bumps and that side of the stage went dark.

Tweek and Craig get up, Craig wrapping his arm around him as Tweek grabs onto his leather jacket sleeve. "We can start and finish wars, we're what killed the dinosaurs. We're the asteroooiid that's overduuue. The dinosaurs choked on the dust, they died because God said they must! The new world needed room for me and you!" 

Craig let goes of Tweek and turns him around so they're face to face. "I worship you. I'd trade my life for yours. They will all disappear, we'll plant our garden herrree." Craig smiled, grabbing onto Tweek's hand as they looked ahead of them, facing the front of the stage. 

"Plant our garden herrree!" 

"Our love is God!" 

"Our love is God!" 

"Our love is God!" 

"Our love is God!" They took turns singing, taking a step closer to the front of the stage each time. Craig walks behind the stage and grabs the painted nerf guns and fake bullets. 

"Whoa! Are those real?" Tweek asked, jumping when he saw the very real-looking guns. 

"Yeah, but we're filling them with Ich Lüge bullets." 

"Ich Lüge, what?" 

"My granddad used them in World War Two. They contain a powerful tranquilizer. The Nazis used them to fake their own suicides when the Russians invaded Berlin. We will use them to knock Ram and Kurt out just long enough to make it look like a suicide pact. Which will be complete with a forged suicide note." Craig explained. 

The right side of the stage lit up, Stan and Kyle standing side by side. "Ram and I died because we had to hide our gay forbidden love from a disapproving world!" They say, both looking at each other and chuckling before leaving the stage.

"And when the morning comes, they'll both be laughing stocks!" 

"So let's go hunt some jooooocks!" They both exclaim, holding the guns in the air. 

  The stage light turns off again, Tweek hides the gun in his blue vest. Craig runs backstage as Stan and Kyle come into view. 

"Hey Vern!" Kyle yelled nervously. 

"So, do we just whip it out or what?" Stan asked. 

"Take it slow, Ram." Tweek started. "Strip." 

"Ok." They both answer in a breathy tone, taking off their red varsity jackets. 

Stan takes his tie off and practically rips his shirt off while Kyle struggles to take his striped polo shirt off. Tweek cringed as Stan helped him rip the shirt off his head. 

"I told you, you need to get bigger clothes." Stan scolded. 

"And why should I trust you?" Kurt asked. 

"Because we're bros!" He replied. 

"Ram. Keep the tie on, I like it." Tweek demanded, making Stan hurry to put the tie back on. 

"My mom bought it for me." He confirmed. 

"And what about you? Kyle asked. 

"Oh, I was hoping you could rip my clothes off me, sport." Tweek smiled. 

"Yeah, we can do that." Stan responded as they got down in a position, like they were about to race. 

"Alright. Count of three." The blonde started. "One...two.." He reached into his vest and got a grip of the gun. 

"Three." Craig said coldly, walking out from behind the stage and firing two shots, only hitting Stan. 

He immediately fell to the ground, unmoving. "Holy shit!" Kyle screamed, running off the right side of the stage. 

"Stay there, I'll get him!" Craig yelled. 

  They around around the back of the stage, everyone else making sure they had things moved out the way so they wouldn't trip and fall. It was always hilarious, especially because Craig wasn't a runner and them yelling at each other. One time, Kyle tripped while Wendy was recording and everyone laughed. 

"Kurt! Kurt!" Craig screamed. 

"You killed my best friend!" Kyle yelled back, speed walking past everyone. 

"Ram, you're just unconscious, right? Ram?" Tweek exclaimed, running up to Stan and shaking him. 

  Kyle runs onto the stage, entering from the left side as Craig is behind him, holding the gun out. He runs and jumps onto the ladder to get onto the top part of the stage, and Craig stopped moving. He grips into the gun, getting ready to pull the trigger. 

"Get off the fence." He demanded, rather sternly. "Get off the damn fence!" 

"I don't understand! I was joking when I called your boyfriend a slut!" Kyle yelled, holding onto the ladder for dear life. 

"We can start and finish wars, we're what killed the dinosaurs, we're the asteroid that's overdue." Craig sang. 

"Quit being a dick!" The redhead shouted. 

"The dinosaurs will turn to dust." 

"What does that mean?" 

"They'll die because we said they must!" He yelled, shooting Kyle in the side. 

  He falls off the ladder, landing on his already-aching back. He got many bruises from this scene, mainly on his upper back. Kyle lays on the ground next to Stan, not moving and holding his breath. 

"No, no, wait!" Tweek cried, getting up and checking Kyle out. 

He turns to Craig, tears streaming down his red face again. "What the fuck have you done?" Tweek shouted, his voice strong and stern, demanding an answer. 

Craig completely ignored his question, him crying, almost forgetting that he just murdered two kids. "I worship you, I'd trade my life for yours. We'll make them disappear, we'll plant our garden herrrrreeee! Our love is God. Our love is God. Our love is God. Our love is God! Our love is God!" He chanted, wrapping his arms around Tweek again as he shook and trembled under him.  

"Our love is God!" Tweek sang. 

"Our love is God!"

"Our love is Goooooood!" 

"Our love is Gooooood!" Craig yelled as he glared at the nothing but the empty seats. 

  Then, the song ended. Tweek and Craig in the dead center of the stage, one shaking and crying as the other stared and smiled manically. And now, it was time for intermission. The stage went dark.

Chapter Text

  A dim light lights up the whole stage, two tables out on each side of the main entrance to the stage. One with a picture of Kyle and the other with a picture of Kurt on it, both had a black table cover with a football helmet on it. Four long benches on each side of the stage. Funeral music played as Tweek stepped on stage, standing between the two caskets. He wore a black blazer instead of his bright blue vest.

"Dear Dairy. I'm going steady, mostly he's awesome; if a too bit rock and roll. Lately he's bumped off three of my classmates. God have mercy on my soooouuull. They were just seventee-een! They still had room to grooow-ow! They could have turned out good, but now we'll never know." Tweek sang, Craig entering the stage. 

"There's been a distinct lack of boys climbing through my bedroom window lately." He claimed. 

"Take the hint." The blonde deadpanned. 

"I get it, you're still mad." Craig replied, rolling his eyes. 

"I don't think you do. Ich Lüge bullets? You lied to me!" 

"Come on! You lied to yourself. You wanted them dead too." 

"I did not." 

"Did too."

"Did not." 

"Did they make you cry?" Craig asked. 

"Yeah?" Tweek responded confused. 

"Can they make you cry now?" He asked questioned. 

"No, but you sure can." The blonde dryly answered, walking away.

"Just wait until you see the good things that come with this!" 

"What good could possibly come with this?" 

Craig paused before smiling. "Call me an optimist." He goes in for a kiss on the cheek but Tweek moves away. 

"Dear Diary," He starts, Craig sitting down and other people, all wearing black, flooding the stage and sitting down on the benches. "My teenage angst bullshit, has a body count!" 

  Tweek sits down next to Craig, Jimmy and Clyde walking on stage, both wearing black suits. Jimmy stands in front of everyone, puffy eyes and a red nose. Clyde looked down at Stan's picture, letting out a sob or a cry every once in a while. 

"I don't really kn—ow what I'm supp-p-posed to say up here. I'm certainly ashamed. M-m-my family has turned into our town into a laughingstock. My boy Kurt wasn't who I th—ought he was." Jimmy started. "When I think of the s—ick, disgusting things Kurt and Ram were d-doing," 

"You wait just a minute, Paul!" Clyde screamed, whipping his head around and pointing at him. "It is ignorant, hateful talk like yours that makes this world a place our boys were afraid to live in!" 

He turns to the crowd of students dressed in black. "They were not dirty! They were not wrong!" Clyde yells, the music starting. "They were two lonely versus in the Lord's great song." 

"Our boys were p-p-pansies, Bill!" Jimmy exclaimed. 

"Yes! My boy's a homosexual! And that don't scare me none! I want the world to knooowww! I love my dead gay son!" Clyde yelled. 

"I've been thinking, praying, reading some magazines, and it's time we opened our eyes!" The brown haired boy stated. "Well, the good Lord made the universe, the Lord created man. I've seen some gay lions show their pride in docu-mentaries. If nature gets her orders handed down from God above, then animal or human, you can't help on who you looo-ove!" 

"They were not dirty!" 

"Woah-oah!" The crew members sang in the background.

"They were not fruits!" 

"Woah-oah!" Everyone bounces their shoulders to the beat of the music. 

"They were just two stray laces in the Lord's big boots! Well, I never cared for homos much until I reared me one!" 

"But now I've learned to loooove!" 

"I love my dead gaaaay soooooon!" 

"He loves his son, he loves his son, his dead gay son." 

"Now I say my boy's in heaven, and he's tanning by the pool. The cherubim walk him and him and Jesus says "it's cool." They don't have crime or hatred, there's no bigotry or cursing! Just friendly fellows dressed up as their favorite village persoooon!" Clyde sang loudly, running up to the front of the stage. "They were not dirty!"

"No-oo!" 

"They just had flair!" 

"Whoa-oa!" 

"They were two bright red ribbons in the Lord's long hair! Now I used to see a homo and go reaching for my gun!" 

Everyone turned and covered their mouths, leaning back in shocked. "But now I've learned to loooove!" 

  Everyone turns and gets on their knees, their elbows on the bench with their hands together; almost like they were praying. Clyde walks to the caskets, Jimmy hopping over people to get to him.

"And furthermore! These boys were brave as hell! These boys they knew damn well, those folks would judge 'em! They were desperate to be freed! They took a rebel stance, stripped to their underpants!" 

  Everyone gets up and surrounds Jimmy, who was now in the center of the stage, and looked at him shamefully. Clyde standing on the steps on the left side of the stage. 

"Paul, I can't believe that you still refuse to get a clue, after all that we've been through." He starts. "I'm talking you and me!"

  Everyone sits down again as Clyde walks off the steps and practically chasing Jimmy around the stage. The people gasp, everyone staring at the two. 

"In the summer of eighty-three!" 

Another big gasp from the other crew members. 

It was silent, Jimmy turns around to face Clyde. He finally breaks the silence. "That was...one h—h-ell of a f-fishing trip."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!" They all yell in shock, Jimmy and Clyde walk up to each other and kiss. 

  They both had a talk about this, they thought it would be a funny joke between them and it wouldn't affect their friendship, they were both sure of it. Neither of them were even gay so that just made it funnier to them.

"They were not dirty! Noo! And not perverse! No-oh! They were just shiny rhinestones on the Lord's big purse!" They all chorused, getting up. 

"Our jobs is now continuing, the work that they begun!" Clyde and Jimmy sang. 

"C-c-come here you!" Jimmy yelled, pulling Clyde in with his crutches and kissing him again. 

" 'Cause now we love, love, love! We love your dea—"

  The lights change to a variety of bright colors, almost like a disco ball was shining the stage. Everyone dances around the benches.

"They're up there disco dancing to the thump of angel wings, they grab a mate and roller skate while Judy Garland sings, they live a playful afterlife; that's fancy and reckless! They swing upon the pearly gates, and wear a pearly necklaaa-ace! They were not dirty!" 

"Nooo!" 

"They were good men!"  

"Whoa-oa!" 

The lights go back to normal, Jimmy and Clyde run to the caskets again, facing the wall. "And now they're happy bear cubs in the Lord's big den!" 

They turn around, their regular black ties are now rainbow. "Go forth, and love each other now, like our boys would have done!" 

"We'll teach the world to looooove! The world to looove!"

"I love my dead gay son! My son, my son!" They all sang, clapping their hands together. "Your dad. Gay. Sooooon!" 

"Soooo-ooo-oo-on!" Clyde ended with a high note. 

  The normal light turns off again, the disco lights coming back on with everyone dancing around and they picked up the benches and the caskets, clearing the stage.

Chapter Text

  When the lights came back on, Craig stood in the center of the stage while Tweek sat on the steps on the right side of the stage. 

"Hm. What is that I smell in the air?" Craig asked, his hands on his hips. "Is that—is that tolerance? Inclusion? Love? How often can you say it's a good day to live in Sherwood, Ohio?" 

"You're welcome, town!" The boy yelled. 

"You don't have to be so smug about it." Tweek snarled. 

"Well, your love keeps me humble." Craig claimed, walking over to him and leaning in for a kiss. "So, who's next?" 

  Tweek looked at him with guilt, regret, and utter disbelief while Craig looked at him and just shrugged. 

"Heather Duke?" The black haired boy suggested. 

"What?" Tweek asked. 

"Well, she started that rumor about you. We can underline some meaningful passages in her copy of Moby Dick, if you know what I mean." Craig explained as he walked away. Stan, Kyle, and Wendy coming on from the right side of the stage and just stare at Tweek. 

"No-ooo!" He exclaimed, now seeing the ghosts stare at him as he gets up and runs away. They all walk back backstage again. "Three people are dead! This ends right here!" Tweek said. 

"Or what?" Craig asked. 

"Or I'm breaking up with you!" 

"Well, every war has casualties." He started. "Doesn't mean it's not worth fighting. What? You wanna give a free pass to the cannibals? To the assholes who make this world so unbearable you can't stand to go on living." 

"JD, I—how did your mom die?" Tweek asked. 

"You really wanna know?" Craig wondered. 

"I do." 

The black haired boy looks away before looking back at Tweek. "He says it was an accident." Craig paused. "But she knew what she was doing. I was nine, my dad got hired to blow up this library in Texas. Norwegian in the boiler room, the usual. This day—this day my mom drives out to the demolition site with me in the backseat. She gets out of the car and walks into the building two minutes before my dad blows it up. She waved at me from the window, and then....kaboom. She left me." 

"I am really sorry." Tweek said, getting close to him and patting his back. 

"It's ok, it's ok. The pain gives me clarity. You know, you and I are special and we have a lot of work to do." 

"No. What work?" 

"Making the world a decent place for people who are decent!" 

"And when does it end?" 

"When every asshole is dead!" 

"No!" Tweek yells, pushing Craig over as the music starts. "Fine, we're damaged, really damaged. But that does not make us wise! We're not special, we're not..different, we don't choose who lives or dies! Let's be normal, see bad movies, sneak a beer and watch TV. We'll bake brownies, or go bowling." He listed before his voice got angelic and soft. 

"Don't you want a life with meee-eeee? Can't we be seventee-een? That's all I want to dooo-ooo. If you could let me in, I could be good with you. People hurt us." 

"—Or they vanish." Craig sang, still sitting on the floor. 

"And you're right, that really blows. But we let go." 

"Take a deep breath." 

"And go buy some summer clothes. We'll go camping." 

"Play some poker." The boy suggested, finally getting off the floor. 

"And we'll eat some chili fries. Maybe prom night." 

"Maybe dancing." 

"Don't stop lookin in my eyyyeeees!" Tweek vocalized, holding his hand out when Craig turned to face him the music and their voices get louder and more powerful, sending chills down everyone's spines, giving them goosebumps on their arms and around their body. They could hear their passion and dedication in their voices. They could see the love in their eyes, it was true love; really. 

"Your eyyyeeess!" 

"Can't we be seventeen-een? Is that so hard to do-oo? If you could let me in, I could be good with yooo-oouuu!" They both chorused, Craig running up and taking Tweek's hand, their faces just inches a part as their voice got louder. "Let us be seventeen-een! If we've still got the riigg-ight!" 

"So, what's it gonna be-ee? I wanna be with you." Tweek asked. 

"I wanna be with you." Craig responded, still singing. 

"Wanna be with you—"

"—Toniigg-iiiiiiiiggggghhhhtttt!" They both sang in unison, carrying that last note for what seemed like forever. They stop and the music keeps playing, them kissing again. But Tweek quickly pushes him away after a few moments. 

"Yeah, we're damaged." 

"Badly damaged." 

"But your love's too good to lose." They both mutter, Craig wrapping his arm around Tweek, who grabs onto his leather jacket. 

"Hold me tighter." Tweek commanded in a calm tone. 

"Even closer." Craig replied. 

"I'll stay if I'm what you choooose." 

"Can't we be seventeen?" 

"If I am what you choose."

"If we've still got the right." 

" 'Cause you're the one I choose." 

"You're the one I choose." 

Tweek gets out of Craig's soft grip and turns to look at him, both their voices soft and their singing slow. "You're the one I chooooose." Ending it off with another kiss. 

  The stage is dark but a spotlight stayed on the two boys, Craig pulling away from the kiss and just walking away as a school bell could be heard. Wendy walks out from behind the stage, entering from the right side. 

"And they lived happily ever after! You really believe all of that? You think it all just goes back to normal?" She asked. "Oh! Don't give me that wounded look! You know exactly what he is, and you love it!" 

"Just stop talking." Tweek replied, embarrassed. 

"Only a true dead best friend will give it to you straight." Wendy smiled.

Chapter Text

Red walks onto the stage, holding a sparkly jacket. "Vern, the special assembly starts in ten minutes! Why aren't you backstage?" 

"I'm sorry." Tweek muttered, walking towards her. 

"We are saving lives." She said. 

"I wouldn't trust her to save coupons!" Wendy commented, many other students, wearing the same sparkly jacket, walked onto the stage from all sides.

"Come on, kids! Pedal to the metal! Show a little hustle!" Red exclaimed. "Where is the banner?" She asked Kenny, who was at the top of the stage. 

"Denise! Tell the news crews they can set the cameras, there, there, and there." The redhead yelled again, pointing to random spots around the stage. 

"I'm kind of looking forward to being on TV." Heidi says. 

"Did you have a brain tumor for breakfast?" Bebe asked. 

"No. I had waffles." She replied. 

Nichole rushes on stage. "Vern, can I talk to you..in private?" 

They both walk away from other students, in the middle of the stage. "Something doesn't add up, I think Ram and Kurt were murdered!" She says. 

"Well! Fuck me gently with a chainsaw!" Wendy yelled. "Nancy Drew is onto you, Vern." 

"Why would you say that? They found a suicide note!" Tweek exclaimed.

"It could have been faked! You forged stuff all the time, right?" Nichole wondered. 

"I'm in love with this black girl!" The black haired girl stated. 

"Who would want to kill Kurt and Ram?" The blonde asked. 

"I'm thinking your friend, JD. Remember the way he went after them in the cafeteria!" She explained, Stan and Kyle walking out to the stage, standing behind Nichole, only wearing jeans. 

"Right, right. That's like motive and shit!" Kyle exclaimed, turning to Stan. 

"Vern is going to gay prison." Stan commented, they both giggle a bit. 

"I wanna look in JD's locker. I thought maybe you could give me the combination." Nichole claimed. 

"I bet there's all kinds of interesting things in that locker! Maybe some Ich Lüge bullets?" Wendy wondered. 

"Martha, this is a pretty wild theory." Tweek reasoned. 

"I don't care what they said at the funeral! Ram was not gay!" She exclaimed. 

"Awww!" Kyle teased.

"Shut up, Kurt!" Stan yelled. 

"He kissed me, remember? On the football field!" Nichole recalled. 

"Yeah, in kindergarten!" Tweek said. 

"Oh, gross! I remember that!" The redhead laughed. 

"Shut up, Kurt!" Stan repeated. 

"My heart knows the truth!" The dark skinned girl exclaimed. 

"You should totally get up in that!" Kyle said. 

"Shut up!" The other jock cried. 

"Why would Ram write me that note if he didn't still feel something!" Nichole questioned. 

"She ain't afraid of no ghost!" The taller jock claimed. 

"Ew!" Stan yelled, crossing his arms and turning around; pouting. 

"Why would he invite me to his homecoming party?" Nichole asked. 

"If you want to stop her, you know what to say." Wendy reminded. 

"I'm going to confront JD!" She finalized before Tweek started bursting out in laughter. 

"You floor me, Martha, you really do." He started. 

"What do you mean?" Nichole asked. 

"Ram didn't write that note, I did." He smiled. 

She shakes her head. "No." 

"Yeah. The Heathers put me up to it. The whole school was in on the joke, and nobody laughed harder than Ram. He didn't love you. He was a dick. He's dead. Move on." Tweek deadpanned. 

Nichole just starts tearing up and walks away. "Shit. I had to hurt her, you understand that, right? If JD ever found her snooping in his stuff, he'd—"

"—Kill her? Is that what you're afraid of?" Wendy asked. 

"Well-I—" Tweek started to justify. 

"Well-I—" She mocked. "That's what I thought. Come on, asswipes!" Wendy commanded, walking off the stage. Stan smacks Kyle's shoulder and they run to follow her. 

"Dear Diary, what the hell am I doing?" Tweek asked before Red walks up to him and hands him the sparkly jacket. He takes it and walks away. 

"I'm sorry, Miss Fleming, I can't be in this assembly." Nichole said. 

"What? No, no, no, you're my second soprano! When you're not in position, it will unbalance the stage picture." Red claimed. 

"I'm having a bad day, emotionally. Vern said that—"

"—Oh you're sad. I get that but remember how much your support means to your classmates, who worked hard to get this very important message out to the world!" Red started. "…And if that doesn't put a smile on your face, remember how participation in this assembly counts the one-third of your grade! Feeling better?" 

"Uh-"

"-Good talk." She smiled, running to Tweek and Craig. "Ok! Places everyone! Microphone, Jason." 

  Craig hands her the sparkly microphone and stands off to the side, Tweek sighing and walking closer to the front of the stage. 

"Big smiles everyone! Lights please!" Red instructed, dim spotlights all over. Everyone stood still in their places, holding their red notebooks as she fixed her hair and turned the microphone on. 

"Hello Westerburg! Welcome to our special assembly. Now I want you to ignore the television cameras and the news crew. They are all just here to document this very significant moment." Red introduces, thinking on what to say next. "Rather to kill yourself or not is one of the most important decisions a teenager can make. So, you know what I'm gonna do right now?" 

"Kill yourself on stage?" A student asked, Cartman, who insisted on having that line in the show. 

"That's not productive. My senior thesis ag Berkeley was on the subject of Pediatric Psychotherapeutic Musicology. Hmm, I know, impressive." Red said, bragging just a bit before becoming serious. "So. I speak with some authority. When I tell you that the way to eliminate suicide, is by eliminating fear by creating a safe zone for in which, we are all equal." 

The music started to play and people started moving to the beat of it and dancing when Red began to sing. "Deep inside of everyone, there's a hot ball of shame. Guilt, regret, anxiety, fears we dare not name. But! If we show the ugly parts that we hide away, they turn out to be beautiful by the light of daaaay!" 

"Why not shine, shine, shine a light!" The students sang, the stage getting dark as they opened their red notebooks, which were lit up. 

"On your deepest fear?" 

"Let in sunlight now!" 

"And your pain will disappear!" 

"Shine, shine shi-ine!" 

"And your scars and your flaws!" 

"Will look lovely because you shiiine!" 

"You shine a light!" 

"Shine, shine, shine a light! Shine, shine, shine a light!" 

A girl walks up next to Red, the lights becoming normal again as everyone closes their notebooks. "Everyday's a battlefield when pride's on the line!" 

A boy stands next to her, Tolkien. "I attack your weaknesses and pray you don't see mine!" 

Another boy, Butters, jumps up and stands to the other side of Red. "But if I share my ugly parts—"

Another girl, Annie, comes up beside him. "—And you show me yours! We can knock down our walls and build some doors!" 

  The lights get dark, everyone opening their lit up notebooks and getting back into place, besides Butters, who took the spotlight and rolled his body; as if he was hola-hooping. 

"Shine, shine, shine a light!" 

Red pushes him out the way. "On your deepest fears?" 

"Let in sunlight now!" 

"And your pain will disappear!" Red sang. "Who wants to share what's in their heart?" 

Everyone raises her hand, but she ignores them. "No volunteers? Fine, I'll start. My name's Pauline and I live alone. My husband left, my kids are grown. In the sixty's, love was free! That did not work well for me. The revolution came and left, tried to change the world, barely made a dent. I have struggled with despair! I've joined a cult, chopped off my hair! I chant, and pray, but God's not there! So Steve, I'm ending our affair! And I faked it! Every single time!" She vented. 

"Wooph! That feels fan-freaking-tastic! One, two, take it home kids!" Red yelled. 

"Shine, shine, shine a light!" 

"On your deepest feeeaar?" 

"Let in sunlight now!" 

"And your pain will disappeeeaar!" 

"Shine, shine shi-ine!" 

"And your scars and your flaws!" 

"Will look lovely because you shiiine!" 

"You shine a light!" 

"Yeaaaahhhhh!" Red sang through everyone else.

"Shine, shine, shine a light! Shine, shine, shine a light! Shine, shine, shine a light! Shine, shine, shine a light! Shine, shine, shine a light! Shine, shine, shine a light! Shine, shine, shine a light!" All the students vocalized, dancing in choreography all over the stage before Red joined the rest of them. "Shine, shine, shine a light! Shine, shine, shine a light! Shine, shine, shine a light! Shine, shine, shine a light! Shine, shine, shine a light!"

  They all ended in their pose, surrounding Red with the notebook lights on the dark stage. They wait for the lights to go back to normal before putting their notebooks away. 

"Come on, kids. Work with me. I want you to grab hold of your fear and drag it out into the light where everyone can look at it and see it!" Red exclaimed, Heidi with a distressed look on her face. "Anyone?" 

Nichole raises her hand but it's ignored, or not seen by Red. "Anyone at all?" 

Heidi raises her hand and runs up to Red; almost ashamed. "I thought about killing myself."

Chapter Text

Red turns to look at her. "Heather McNamara?" She asks, pulling her to the center of the stage and taking the sparkly jacket off her. "Share the pain." 

"Heather, don't do this." Tweek started. "Not here. Let's go, Heather." 

"Vern Sawyer, no one have you permission to talk." Red chimed. 

He grumbled, sighing in defeat before walking away. "You're in a safe space, Heather." She confirmed, wrapping an arm around her. "It's just you, and me. And the classmates who love you. Share." 

Red slowly drifted away from her, leaving Heidi alone in the middle of the stage. Everyone's eyes on her. "It's going to be ok." Red assured. 

Heidi smiled sarcastically before she got started. "The guy I used to date killed himself because he gay for his linebacker. And my best friend seemed to have it all together but...she's gone too. Now my stomach is hurting worse and worse, and every morning on the bus I feel my heart beat getting louder, and faster, and I'm like, "Jesus, I'm on the fucking bus again because all my rides to school are dead." " She vented, the stage lighting got blue, dark, and sad as the music for the next song began. 

"I float in a boat in a raging black ocean, low in the water and nowhere to go. The tiniest lifeboat with people I know.” She paused. “Cold, clammy, and crowded, the people smell desperate. We'll sink any minute. So, someone must go. The tiniest lifeboat with people I know." Heidi sang softly and slowly, showing her character's feelings deep below her almost perfect appearance.

"Wendy? Are you crying?" Stan asked from backstage. 

"Sorry. This song makes me emotional and it just sends shivers down my spine. Especially when she's yelling in that one part. Heidi does such a good job and I'm so proud of her. And tomorrow is opening night and I'm just so nervous and so excited at the same time." She explained, wiping her eyes as she tried to control her sobs. 

Kyle walks up to her and pats her back comfortingly. "I'm proud of her to, she does such a great job with showing her characters emotions especially when it comes to singing; Tweek too. Seventeen gave me chills." 

"Me too! You know Tweek is going to have it at the top tomorrow." Stan exclaimed. 

"We all will. Tweek, Heidi and you!" Kyle started, pointing at Wendy. "You are the best actors in this shit! You specifically, will make sure everyone is in line. Tweek is a phenomenal singing and actor. Even though Heidi's character doesn't express much emotion until this part, she's amazing at it."

The music got louder as she began to yell, feeling as if she was about to cry, the blue shade getting darker and the spotlight on her dimmer. "Everyone's pushing, everyone's fighting! Storms are approaching, there's nowhere to hide! If I say the wrong thing, or I wear the wrong outfit, they'll throw me right over the siiiiide!" 

"You guys know that Tweek will be freaking the hell out tomorrow. He's going to be so nervous." Wendy said. 

"Yeah, remember our first week or so of rehearsals when nobody knew anything? Tweek was so anxious!" Stan hollered. 

"I'm sure Craig will keep him in line with that. Also when he just gets on stage, he just does it. I don't know how to explain it but it's like he forgets who he is and like gaslights himself to think he's that character." The girl explained. 

"What was your guys's favorite moments on stage or backstage?" Wendy asked. 

"Probably when Clyde climbed the rope to close the curtains and got stuck and almost somehow broke one of the lights." Stan smiled. 

"When me, you, and Craig had to practice the fight for that one song Tweek sings and he had to be in slow motion." The redhead remembered. 

"He hit me with that book so hard! It left a red mark! But it was hilarious when he kicked you and you fell off stage." The other boy replied.

Everything got calm again, slowing down. Heidi gripped onto the notebook she never put aside. "I'm hugging my knees, and the captain is pointing. Well, who made her the captain? Still, the weakest must go."

"Mine was when Craig had to chase after you backstage and you fell." Wendy laughed. 

"I still have that bruise on my leg!" Kyle exclaimed. 

"Tweek told me his is when he had the fake puke stuff and it went all over the place or when you made him hit his head on the rail thing." Stan said. 

"I don't know why Mister Mackay didn't take that puke away. It’s so nasty, it smells like actual puke and it got in my hair! He did it on purpose too! He was laughing when he was supposed to be puking! But the rail thing was hilarious." The black haired girl smiled. 

"During "fight for me" and Tweek is like touching all over Craig and whatever. Like, they bumped noses and almost every time we practice we'd start laughing." Kyle claimed. 

"When they practiced the part where they had to rip off Bebe's green clothes and she was supposed to wear the red outfit, they couldn't rip it off. They tugged on it for like five minutes!" Wendy said. 

"Or when Clyde jumped up to hit the doorway while on the way to rehearsal's one day and he hit his forehead on the top of the doorway somehow!" Stan exclaimed. 

"When Jimmy and Clyde had to practice kissing for "my dead gay son." And they ended up hitting each other in the nose." Kyle said.

"The tiniest lifeboat, full of people I knooow. The tiniest lifeboat, full of people Iiiiiiii knoooooow." Heidi sang slowly, the lights coming back to a normal color as she look shaken, her eyes watery and the song has came to an end. 

"Shit. I'm about to go on. Cya later dorks!" Wendy exclaimed, getting out of the chair and running up the stairs to the balcony. 

Bebe ran up to Heidi, stomping almost. "What's your damage, Heather? Are you saying Westerberg isn't a nice place?" 

"Heather!" Red exclaimed, almost in disbelief. 

"Where's your school spirit? You don't deserve to wear Westerberg colors! Why don't you hope into that little lifeboat of yours and get your gnarly wave to Remington?" The blonde yelled as Wendy could be seen on top of the stage, observing. 

"Heather! Shut your cakehole!" Red demanded. "Alright people, knock it off. Come on, settle down." 

"Oh look! Heather's going to cry!" A girl pointed out. 

"God! What a baby!" Bebe snarled as Heidi ran off stage.

"That's it young lady! You're suspended!" Red said. "Oh! Turn the cameras off! Turn them off, god dammit!"

Chapter Text

"Is that all you care about? TV cameras?" Tweek asked, running up to Red. 

"I care about saving lives." She claimed. "Heather Duke ruined a valuable teaching—" 

"Valuable? None of us wanted this spectacle! To be experimented on like guinea pigs! Patronized like bunny rabbits!" He exclaimed, taking the sparkly jacket off and throwing it at her. 

Red quickly bent over and picked it up. "I don't patronize bunny rabbits!" 

"You think we need to work on our chest bump more?" Kyle questioned.

"Yeah, we do. We have to convince the audience we're faggy jocks dude!" Stan exclaimed. 

"Alright fine. One, two, three!" The redhead counted down as both boys jump up and hit each other in the chest. 

  Heidi runs over to them, wiping the somewhat fake tears away. 

"Shit Heidi, you did incredible!" Stan complimented in a sing-song voice. 

"Yeah dude! You made Wendy cry with your singing." Kyle added. 

"This is their big secret. The adults are powerless." Wendy spat, a green light shining above her. 

"Heather trusted you. You said you'd protect her." Tweek said. 

"They can't help us. Nobody can help us!" The black haired girl stated. 

"You're useless." The blonde boy insulted softly. 

"We're alone in the ocean!" Wendy exclaimed. 

"You're all idiots. Heather Chandler was a monster, just like Kurt and Ram. They didn't kill themselves. I killed them!" Tweek confessed loudly. 

  Craig shifted uncomfortably my the light, still just barely on stage. Everyone stayed silent as Tweek had tears in his eyes just begging to be let out. Everyone stared at him, in shock, surprise, and disbelief. There was no air left in the world, everyone was dying. It was like Tweek was the only person alive, it was silent. Not a peep. Not a bird in the window, or even breathing. It was just Tweek. 

  That's what it felt like for thirty seconds, those thirty seconds felt like years until Bebe broke the silence by bursting out with laughter. Which made everyone join her and became a laughing ceremony. 

"God! Some people will say anything if they think it'll make them popular." Bebe stated, turning her direction towards Tweek and walking over to him. "You're worse than McNamara." 

"No! Wait, Heather! No!" Tweek exclaimed, running off stage. 

  Heidi ran out the main entrance, onto the stage as the next song began to start, everyone turned around when the light went off almost completely. The banner behind Wendy detached from the crew members backstage. Heidi held a pill bottle, trying to get it open. 

"Stupid child-proof caps!" She grumbled. 

Bebe turned around, wearing the red and blue movie theater glasses. "Aww, look! Heather's going to—"

"—Whine, whine, whine all night!" Everyone else taunted, turning around with the same glasses. 

"You don't deserve to live!" The blonde bullied, standing beside her with everyone else behind Heidi. 

"Why not kill yourself?" 

"Here, have a sedative!" Bebe offered, Heidi taking the bottle and opening it. 

"Whine, whine, whi-ine!" 

"Like there's no Santa Claus!" 

"You're pathetic because you whine!" 

"You whine all night!" 

  Bebe stood almost to the front of the stage, all the students surrounded Heidi and began pushing her around. All the students yelled "whiiine" in the back as Bebe took control over the song, which was really Heidi's character, Heather's, thoughts. Wendy down on one knee on the balcony, her head in between the spaced out bars as she taunted and bullied Heidi. 

"Your ass is off the team! Go on and bitch and moan! You don't deserve a dream! You're gonna die alone!" Bebe yelled. 

All the students let go of her as Heidi shoved all the pills in her mouth. 

"Die alone! Die alone! Die alone! Die alone!" 

  The lights went back to normal when she fell to the floor, everyone exiting the stage through the main, middle entrance as Tweek ran past them. 

"Heather no!" He yelled, sitting on the floor with her. 

Heidi sighed and looked at him. "Suicide is a private thing." She deadpanned, her mouth full of pills. 

"Throwing your life away so USA Today can print your picture under a headline "Troubled Teens." " Tweek commented. "Heather, that's the least private thing I can think of." 

"But what about Heather, and Kurt, and Ram?" Heidi asked. 

"If everyone jumped off a bridge, young lady, would you?" The blonde quizzed. 

She shrugged. "Probably." 

"Well, if you were happy all the time you wouldn't be a human being." Tweek said, fixing the cheer bow in Heidi's ponytail. "You'd be a game show host." 

  She sighed again, putting her hand out in front of her mouth and spitting out some of the pills. She looked at Tweek then spitting out more before looking back at him again and shrugging, more than a dozen pills coming out of her mouth and into her hand. 

"Thanks for coming after me." Heidi said softly before hugging him. 

"You're welcome." Tweek hugged back, his eyes red from holding back tears. 

They get up off the floor. "Come on." The boy in the blue vest instructed and the stage lights turn off. 

  Craig walks on stage with Tweek, who was already there. They walk up to each other. Once the stage lights come back on. 

"So, I'm guessing you're mad, huh?" He asked. 

"I'm not mad. Confused." Craig answered. "You said you wanted us to be normal teenagers. I did that. I joined the goddamn AV club for you." 

"I know." Tweek replied. 

"You know what would've happened if they actually believed your confession?" He asked. "Handcuffs, separate cells, cops trying to turn us against each other right before they ship us off to different prisons. Is that what you want?" 

"Of course not!" The blonde exclaimed. 

"Well, what then?" Craig wondered. 

"Everybody's cashing in on these fake suicides, making it about themselves. It's a sick trend and we started it!" Tweek claimed. 

"Turning ourselves in won't stop human nature." He confirmed. 

"Then what will?" He asked. "Mrs Fleming's little Kumbaya party almost ended with Heather Mc dead on a classroom floor!" The boy with the blue vest said. 

"Mrs Fleming isn't the problem, Heather Duke is. She's the one that made McNamara wanna die. You want to kill the dragon? Cut off its head!" Craig debated. 

"Stop." 

"But no. You'd rather treat bubonic plague with band-aids! We had the power to change things, but we gave that up to be normal teenagers!" He ranted. "Good luck at school tomorrow Heather Mc! Hope you don't die!" 

"We are out if you get—"

"Look, if you want to keep it all up and let the world slide with all this messed up bullshit!" 

"You made me a promise and I believed you." Tweek started, their words overlapping. "Stop talking over me!" He shouted. "You promised." 

"All right, I'm sorry." Craig said as Kenny came into view. 

Tweek and Craig melt into a kiss, Kenny slowly approaching them. "Stop playing grab ass and wait for me in the car!" He yelled, scaring Tweek. 

"I'm in the middle of something." 

"Yeah, and I need backup! Our friends have another job for us!" The dirty blonde haired boy exclaimed. "Kaboom!" 

"I said I'm busy!" Craig argued. 

Kenny sighed and turned around, walking slowly. "Lot of pretty women out there." He paused. "I could make another son anytime I want." Kenny claimed. "Now get in the car." 

  Craig whipped out a gun that was hiding in his huge leather jacket and pointed it at him as he walked of the stage. He turned around and shot the TV, leaving sparks. Tweek looked behind him and seeing him holding a gun. 

"Dammit, Jason!" Kenny yelled. "No firearms in the house!" 

Tweek comes out of hiding, seeing the damage. "What? I pissed off my dad, it's funny." Craig said. 

"None of this is funny! Why are you carrying a loaded weapon?" Tweek asked. 

"Protection!" The black haired boy excused. 

"From what?" He questioned. "Reruns?" 

"We have got to stop pretending!" Craig exclaimed. "This is who I am. If you don't like it, take it up with him! He made me!"

Chapter Text

"Oh, Martha was right about you." Tweek said. 

"Now let's have a real conversation." Craig demanded.

"She was right. And I broke her heart." The blonde claimed.

"Let's talk about Heather Duke!" 

"No." Tweek coldly responded as the music started. "Let's talk about you."

It fell silent between them as Craig was about to argue back but froze before Tweek began to sing. "You are a drug. You are a poisoned pill. I've got to kick this habit now, or else I never will." 

He faces away from Craig and looks towards the front of the stage. "I love the rush, when you would hold me close. But you will not be satisfied until I overdose!" 

Tweek runs to the other side of the stage, closer to the front. "This is it, hit the brake! I am finally awaaakke! Let me be, let me goooo! You need help, I can't provide, I am not qualifiiieed! This troubled teen is getting cleaned! I say nooooo!" He sang loudly, putting his hand out behind him when Craig unfreezes and begins to speak. 

"Come on, Vern. Who else is—" The taller boy started, Tweek running up to him and shushing him. 

"No, no, no, no!" He shouted, walking away from him again. "Don't say a word. You speak and I cave in! You'll twist the truth agaaaiin and drill deep down beneath my skin! You said you'd chaaannge! And I believed in youuu! But you're still using me to justify the harm you doooo!" 

Tweek turns back to Craig, meeting a confused, shocked stare from him, they both circle around each other. "This is it. Hit the brake, call it all my mistaaake! Long as you let me goooo!" They stand from the opposite sides from one another as they stopped moving. "You need help, I can't provide. I'm not Bonnie, you're not Clyyydde! It's not too laaate, I'm getting straaaiight! I say noooooooooo!" 

Craig looks at him confused, still holding his gun with his arms wide open. Tweek runs and hits his chest. "Blame your childhood, blame your dad, blame the life you never had. But hurting people..that's your choice my friieend! 'Cause I believe that love will win, and hate will earn you nothing in the eeennd!" The blonde walks away from him again, Craig turning to face him. "This is the eeennd—"

"But I love you!" Craig admitted, still holding his gun. It was a very emotional scene, even if they weren't breaking up in real life, it still hurt just to say those words. Tweek's eyes were red and filled with tears while Craig's were the same. The atmosphere felt depressing and angry at the same time. Strong hatred could be heard through Tweek's singing as Craig's tone when he spoke seemed sad and frustrated. 

Tweek turns around to face him, seeing the gun in his hand and the music stopping. "Dude." 

Craig shoves the gun in his pocket as the music starts back up, Tweek running to the front of the stage. "This is it! I won't cry starting now! I will try to payback all the karma I ooooowwwe! Start again, somewhere new, far from cool guys like yooouu! So goodbye 'cause now Iiiiiii! I say noooooo! Just in time, I say nooooo! Somehow I'm saying nooooo! Just say noooo! I say nooooooooooo!" 

"No!" Tweek shouted, stomping his foot as the music immediately ends. 

  He runs off the stage and Nichole enters. From the opposite side, Heidi and other girls dressed in cheerleading uniforms enter as they cheer. 

"Whoa-oa-oa-oa!" They all cheer, jumping up and clapping their hands together with the pom poms. 

"Who's ready for the big game?" Heidi asked, everyone cheering again. 

"Whoa-oa-oa-oa!" 

"Let's get psyched!" 

"Hey yo, Westerberg! Tell me, what's that sound? Here's comes Westerberg, coming to put you in the ground! Go, go Westerberg! Give a great big yell! Westerberg will knock you out and send you straight to hell!" They all cheered, exiting through the middle of the stage. 

  Craig stares at Nichole, practically chasing her off the stage, though he never left and Bebe entered, reading a book. He approaches her. 

"I now know thee, thou clear spirit." He quoted. 

She closes the book, turning to face him. "That's from Moby Dick." 

"I appreciate a well-read woman." Craig shrugged. 

Bebe smiled. "And here I thought you were a fag." She claimed, staring him down. "What's in the envelope?" 

He pulls out some papers, showing them to her. "Oh shit." Bebe commented. 

"Just a reminder at one time, around the age of six I'm guessing, you and Martha Dunnstock were friends." Craig said. 

"Where did you get these?" The girl in red asked. "Did Vern gives these to you? What do you want? Money?" 

"A favor." He replied, looking through the pictures. 

"Yeah, no way." Bebe said, walking away. 

"I love this one of you and Martha in a bathtub together." Craig commented. 

Bebe turns around and stomps up to him. "Those photos are ancient history. Nobody cares about the past, nobody cares about Martha Dump truck!"

Chapter Text

I’m ending this book. I haven’t updated in a while and I deleted all my chapters I had done in my Wattpad. 

but…

I’m rewriting it. I’m changing the characters and I’m adding more behind the scenes. I want to make it more interesting instead of just focusing on JUST the musical. 

It might be slow updates because I still have my oneshot book and a Heartstopper AU I haven’t updated in forever. 

but if you want, go read the information and PLEASE comment you answers to the questions at the end, it’s very important and will help me write this.