Work Text:
Stede had given Ed a key to her apartment pretty soon after their first night together. She had said Ed was always welcome there even if she wasn’t home. It was sweet, and Ed returned the favor with a note on a bar napkin and a key of her own tape to the front surrounded by heart doodles.
Since then, Ed would often bounce over to Stede’s before work in the morning to send her off with coffee and kisses. This morning however, Ed had to unexpectedly deal with a plumbing mishap at the bar. The business was comfortable, so sure she could call a professional, but Izzy was working today and rather than deal with all her complaints about an outsider coming in, Ed packed her tools. With a quick explanation and good morning text to Stede, Ed was off.
Stede had never texted back.
With an abbreviated lunch break, Ed sent another friendly update to Stede. She had stayed to help her team prep for the evening rush before signing off for the day. By the late afternoon and no text, Ed started to worry. She finally was back in her car and exhaled deeply, leaning back against the seat. With the work day behind her, Ed picked up her phone and checked the text conversation with Stede.
Turning the key in the ignition, Ed drove the familiar route to Stede apartment. She was nervous. While she felt like she had thoroughly explained her morning absence there was a clouding voice in her mind telling her she had messed up. Only one true way to find out, so despite her nerves she drove on to Stede’s.
Ed twisted her hair into a messy bun as she hiked up the three flights of stairs up to Stede’s door. She considered knocking. If Stede was mad she probably wouldn’t appreciate Ed just bounding in, but something in her twinged slightly at the sight of Stede unopened door. There was nothing amiss- no sign of damage or anything- but something shifted in Ed’s gut as she decided to pull out Stede’s key and quietly unlock her door.
The room was dark even though it was summer so daylight hung around longer these evenings. The kitchen and the dining room were empty.
“Stede?” Ed whispered. She didn’t know why she was being so quiet but the eerie silence of the space seemed to call for it. She softly slid her clunky sneakers off her heels and crept past the living room to peek inside Stede bedroom.
It was as equally dark and bare as the kitchen area, but Ed called out for Stede anyway. No response. Further uneasiness settled in Ed’s gut as she gave one final once over of Stede untouched bedroom. That voice slunk its way back to the forefront of Ed’s mind to cruelly suggest Stede had just up and left Ed. It was ridiculous and unrealistic…but persistent.
Backing away from the bedroom door, Ed caught a glimpse of a dim light coming from the far corner of the living room.
“Stede?”
As Ed moved closer, she could better see the outline of Stede wrapped up tight in a blanket with her phone gripped tightly in her hand.
“Hey, love, what’s going on?” Ed asked gently, trying not to startle her, as she slid into Stede’s line of sight.
“I’m so scared, Ed,” Stede whispered. Ed furrowed her brow.
“Of what?” Ed wanted to reach out, wanted to wrap Stede up in a huge hug and kiss her forehead, but Stede was so…blank. So instead she simply asked, “Could I sit beside you, love?”
Stede still hadn’t met Ed’s eyes but nodded. Carefully, Ed sat down beside Stede, leaving a bit of space between the two of them in order to not overwhelm her. Stede’s phone vibrated. Ed couldn’t help herself but to glance at the caller ID. Theodore Bonnet . The phone vibrated until the light shut off as a sign of the call ending. A few moments later Stede’s phone buzzed again with a voicemail notification.
“Stede?” Ed tried again. With a sudden burst of sound and movement, Stede hurled her phone across the room with a wail. And with that, she broke into tears, hard sobs wracking her body so suddenly Ed thought she might burst. The blanket covered Stede fell sideways, landing in Ed’s lap as she gripped her girlfriend’s knees with her shaking hands. Ed immediately jumped into action, leaning down to wrap her body around Stede’s shaking form.
“It’s okay, love, I’ve got you, let it out, I’ve got you,” Ed murmured against Stede’s head. She rocked her gently while softly kissing her tangled hair.
Stede hadn’t talked much about her family so Ed didn’t know exactly the current state of their relationship, but she did know that Stede’s father was an asshole and Ed knows that’s often a timeless character trait.
Stede’s cries were split between short gasps for breath. It sounded painful.
“Stede, hey, love. Can you take a breath with me, please?” Ed asked, slipping a hand down to feel Stede’s chest move up and down rapidly. Stede tried to respond but her words were swallowed by involuntary sobs and coughs. Fuck . Ed slid down onto the floor in front of the couch and held Stede’s body close to her own chest.
“Feel me breathe, love, and see if you can match it,” Ed focused on taking full, deep breaths as she held Stede steady through her cries. It was loud and hard and ugly, and Ed was determined to end whoever made Stede feel like this. Stede should never have to feel like this . Stede is all sunshine, and silly jokes, and strawberries; she didn’t deserve this .
Finally, after what felt like forever, Stede started to take more even breaths until she was almost silent again aside from a few intermittent sniffs.
“Ed,” Stede’s voice was so quiet it made Ed’s heart crack. She leaned down and kissed Stede’s ear.
“I’m here, love, I’ve got you,” Ed cooed. Stede inhaled deeply then exhaled with a puff of air. She pulled the blanket back from her face and gave Ed a soft smile.
“Thank you.”
“Hey, hey, no need for thanks, love,” Ed rested her hand on the side of Stede face and massaged her cheekbone with her thumb. Stede closed her eyes and leaned into the touch.
Her phone buzzed again and Ed felt her physically stiffen.
“I’m going to shut your phone off for a bit, if that’s okay with you,” Ed waited for Stede to give a small nod before going over to find her phone. The lock screen lit up as Ed held the buttons down to turn off the device.
4 unread text messages from Theodore Bonnet
2 missed calls from Theodore Bonnet
1 voicemail from Theodore Bonnet
Ed watched until the screen turned black then left it on the side table by the couch. When she returned to Stede, she was beginning to sniffle and whimper again.
“Three options, love,” Ed squatted down in front of her, putting a hand on her waist. “One, we continue laying here for a bit until you want to get up and talk. Two, I carry you into the bedroom and we have a nice snuggle until you want to get up and talk. Or Three, I go fetch some tea and we can drink and chat.” Stede paused her sniffs and looked up at Ed with big, wet eyes.
Ed hurried to fill the silence worrying she might have overstepped, “And you don’t actually have to talk to me about this if you don’t want to or aren’t ready or-,” Ed took a breath, “I want to be there for you when you need me.”
Stede reached down to pull Ed’s hand up to her face. “I want to talk about it, but…maybe not just yet. Could we do option two?” Stede nuzzled Ed’s hand against her cheek.
“Bed and snuggle it is, m’lady,” Ed rose to her feet and scooped up Stede in a smooth motion.
When they got to the bed, Ed softly placed Stede in between the nest of pillows.
“Do you want to change into comfy clothes?” Ed rubbed the back of Stede’s hand. Stede ducked her head and opened up the blanket she was tucked up in. Ed beamed at her, “Already in pjs! You have the right fuckin’ idea, hun. I’m going to take my jeans off then we can cuddle, how does that sound?” Stede nodded and wiggled deeper into the bedding.
Kicking her jeans off, Ed crawled up in the bed under Stede’s offering blanket. Stede wrapped the blanket around Ed fully before twisting to lay on her side, pushing her back against Ed’s front. Ed drew Stede close with one arm around Stede’s waist and the other tucked under Stede’s head, grasping her hand on the other side. They sighed simultaneously and let the room drift into silence.
It was nice. Ed had never been one for being close for the sake of comfort, and because of that, she felt a bit out of her element. Past relationships had left her hesitant towards both giving and receiving soothing affection, but seeing Stede in the living room brought her instantly to comfort-mode.
She remembered her mom holding her close and tight, whispering reassuring words into her hair as Ed cried after her first heartbreak. She remembered how she witnessed the girl, who she had just shared a first kiss with in the far corner of some party, swing her legs over some guy in a chair while he pulled her in for a smashing kiss. She remembered the soul-crushing feeling of worthlessness as Ed had stared frozen in shock until the girl caught her eye and told her to fuck off . She remembered how her mom promised her it would get better, and how she would find someone who appreciated her for who she was, and how her mother squeezed her tight in a hug and reminded her how special she was. Ed didn’t believe her then, didn’t even believe her years after, but she did now.
As she clung firmly to Stede’s body, she brought her mouth to rest by Stede’s ear.
“I hope you know how special you are,” Ed spoke softly, not knowing if Stede was awake or asleep. “I hope you know how special you are to me,” Ed heard Stede’s breath catch. “Because you are. You’re so, so special.” Ed pressed a light kiss below her ear as she nuzzled back down behind Stede’s neck.
Stede’s hands gripped at Ed’s until she pulled them both to tuck them close to her heart.
“I told my father about you.”
Stede’s voice was low and raspy and the words hung in the air. Ed hugged her tighter in place of interrupting Stede with questions.
“He said,” Stede voice broke and she took a shaky breath before continuing, “that I- that I had always been a disappointment ,” she gritted out, “but that this truly proved my inadequacy.”
Ed’s mind raged. She bolted up, pulling Stede along with her to sit face to face. “He is an absolute fucking idiot if he thinks that—” Ed started fiercely, but was cut off by Stede sweet hand coming to press on her heart.
Stede bit her lip in a deep frown, “And I told him so.” Stede’s mouth wobbled as her face fell into another pained cry. “I told him how fucking wrong he was,” she wailed, “and how happy I am.” Ed swiftly pulled her into her lap and petted her hair away from her face as she cried.
“I’m so proud of you. I’m so fucking proud of you,” Ed repeated firmly, rocking her back and forth in her arms. “You were so brave,” Ed told her. Stede whined slightly at that. “You were! That’s- I mean, that was very fucking cool, you little hard-ass.”
Stede let out a garbled laugh. She hugged Ed back and leaned up to give her a wet kiss under her jaw. They held eyes for a moment as Stede steadied her breath. Ed smiled down at her. Finally, Stede spoke up again.
“I know you told me to save it, but I really do want to thank you,” Ed made a noise to interrupt but Stede plowed forward. “Really Ed, not everyone would do all this and I know it should be expected for your partner, but really in my experience, it’s not always reality.” Ed nodded. She knew all too well that while it should be, it couldn’t always be expected. “And I’m so overjoyed and thankful for your care and your words. They mean a lot, Ed. They mean a fucking lot,” Stede patted her hand over her heart.
Ed dipped down to give Stede a kiss on each cheek. “Always, Stede,” she promised. Stede beamed up at Ed and wrapped her arms around her neck in a soft hug.
…
Later, Ed and Stede were tangled up on the couch together watching House Hunters International . Ed was wrapped upon Stede’s body, head against her chest so she could hear her steady heartbeat. Stede absentmindedly traced a finger along Ed’s spine as the couple on TV debated a one bed one bath with a houseboat.
“Would you spend the night with me?”
Ed raised her head to meet Stede’s eyes. They sparkled with hope and uncertainty. Ed snuck her fingers into Stede’s hair to massage her scalp and smiled as Stede closed her eyes in comfort.
“Of course, love.”