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A gentle rain poured steadily over the neighbourhood, the rhythmic tap-tap-tapping of droplets hitting the roof soothing enough to lull most people to sleep. The rush of miniature rivulets running into gutters was soft and sweet, another gentle sound to ease one into a peaceful slumber. It was easy to imagine all the people that were tucked away inside their houses, cozy under their covers.
Luis himself was snuggled up under two layers of thick woollen blankets, sufficiently guarded from the chill of Colorado in the autumn, but he couldn’t find it in himself to sleep. He’d been restless all day, and it would appear he would continue to be restless all throughout the night. As he lay on his side wide awake and staring at the angry red markings of his digital clock, he took a deep breath and released it in agony. It was nearing two in the morning. This was futile.
With nothing else going for him, Luis quietly crawled out from under the covers, taking care not to bother Leon while he slept soundly, and stalked out of their bedroom.
The hallway outside their bedroom was dark and flooded with observant shadows that watched his every move. Luis forewent flicking on the hallway light and stumbled groggily into the kitchen. On clear summer nights, the bright glow of the moon would seep in through the windows and wash the entire room in an ethereal light. Tonight, however, as time marched forward and autumn bled into winter, that mystical and otherworldly atmosphere was nowhere to be seen. Luis would have to bear another lonely night, denied even the company of the moon who had been with him when he’d fled from everything and everyone he’d ever known. He considered turning on the kitchen light, but he decided against it. The absence of the shadows would only rub the absence of his loved ones in his face and reopen wounds that were just starting to heal.
Luis poured himself a glass of water and fidgeted with a small radio on the kitchen counter. He’d tune it to whatever while he cooked, happy to have music or a daytime drama show in the background. At present, he flipped through channels until he arrived at a solemn one. The music was quiet and reserved, the notes drawn out in a way that tugged at his heartstrings. He was familiar with this song.
Setting aside the glass, he hummed meekly to the tune playing on the radio. Although it wasn’t coaxing him to sleep, it was relaxing. He leaned on his elbows against the counter, shutting his eyes and imagining he was back in his grandfather’s home. In spite of everything that happened, his memories of his grandfather would always be a place of refuge. Let the world tear him down. At least it would never stain the image of his childhood hero.
“Trouble sleeping?”
Luis huffed, only slightly startled by the voice but not enough to let it show.
“Go back to bed, cariño,” Luis responded. “I’ll be fine.”
A pair of arms wrapped around the man’s waist and pulled him back until he was pressed flush against a firm chest. Luis sighed, damn near melting into the embrace.
“What’s on your mind?” Leon asked, unwilling to let Luis torture himself.
“Nothing,” Luis lied. He knew Leon wasn’t going to believe him, but he hoped if he said it with enough conviction, his partner would drop the subject and go.
Leon, ever the mind reader, dashed Luis’s hopes by refusing to drop the subject and go. Instead, he kissed the back of Luis’s neck and muttered, “I know you better than that. Something’s bothering you.”
Luis turned himself around in Leon’s arms and lazily draped his own arms over his partner’s shoulders, wrapping them loosely around the blonde’s neck. He smiled softly, but whether or not Leon saw it in the dimly lit room remained contested.
“You know me too well, Sancho,” he teased.
Leon groaned. No matter how many times he’d told Luis to stop calling him that, the Spaniard never stopped.
“Out with it,” Leon chose to hold back on reprimanding Luis for the nickname.
At that moment, Luis was glad Leon probably couldn’t see him clearly. He didn’t know what he’d do if Leon called him out when his soft smile took on an aura of despair and resignation. He sighed.
“I can’t sleep.”
Leon waited.
“Maybe I need a kiss from Prince Charming.”
“Ha ha,” Leon rolled his eyes, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. “Isn’t the kiss supposed to wake up Sleeping Beauty?”
“I figured yours could put me to sleep,” Luis shrugged. “But we could always try something more exciting to get me tired.”
“Luis,” Leon warned with his tone.
“It was worth a shot.”
They stood in the dark kitchen, holding each other in near silence. The rain continued pitter pattering outside, and the radio was still on, the previous song ending and a new one beginning. Luis closed his eyes, and, leaning his head against his shoulder, he hummed along to the song. He startled out of his little state when he felt Leon press a quick kiss against his exposed neck. Still holding Luis with one arm, Leon used his other to turn the volume on the radio up until the song blocked out the sound of the rain.
“¿Y ahora?” Luis was wide eyed.
“May I have this dance?” Leon asked.
Luis let out a muffled laugh, smothering it by pressing his face into his shoulder, but he agreed. He always would.
Loosening his grip on Luis, Leon moved one hand to his partner’s waist and with his other took one of Luis’s. The Spaniard kept a hand on Leon’s shoulders, gazing lovingly at the obscured figure, knowing that had there been any moonlight focused on them, he’d be seeing heaven in Leon’s azure eyes.
They swayed to the slow, sweet cadence of the song. As the song picked up, so did they, stepping around the kitchen in sync. The tempo never broke into a rigorous routine for them, but it did pick up enough for them to traipse around the island counter. Surprisingly, they only ran into the counter a couple times, laughing it off and muttering apologies for being clumsy with each other but were otherwise fine, wide smiles plastered across their faces. Their movements flowed smoothly, beholden to the music, until the song died and another one immediately followed, this time faster. Already in high spirits from their romantic endeavour, they took their stances, ready to follow a more upbeat melody.
Realising they were close to it, Leon flicked on the light switch. Both men squinted at the sudden bright light, Leon quietly mumbling another apology. Even somewhat blinded, the pair continued moving to the music, falling back into step with each other and laughing whenever the other tripped. The world may have been cold and dreary outside, but inside their home there was nothing but laughter and light.
Upon this realisation, something in Luis stirred. Tears welled in his eyes, but they weren’t the kind he’d been expecting to shed. Leon noticed the glossy look in his partner’s eyes but didn’t say anything, instead choosing to wait until their dance was over to address the tears. Side stepping to avoid the counter again, Leon spun Luis once in one direction and then again in the other.
“Where did you learn how to dance?” Luis asked, impressed by Leon’s moves.
“We all have our secrets,” Leon winked at him.
Luis rolled his eyes, the tears streaking down his cheek and leaving trails for the rest to follow.
The song neared its end, leaving both men holding each other but no longer moving.
He couldn’t take it anymore. Leon let go of Luis to wipe his tears away, thumbing softly at his face. Luis leaned into the touch, smiling through the moment. With the song over, Leon turned the volume on the radio back down and reached for Luis’s hands again. Their fingers intertwined, slotting against each other just right and giving Luis that extra sense of comfort he needed. He was alright. He was safe.
“Thank you,” he looked down at their hands, suddenly shy about making eye contact.
“Of course,” Leon answered.
Luis bit his lip, contemplating telling Leon everything. After everything the blonde had already done for him, he figured it was only right for him to open up.
“I haven’t been sleeping well,” Luis sighed, finally getting down to what’s been bothering him and keeping him awake. “I’ve been having nightmares. Every night. For a week. It’s actually the same nightmare over and over again.”
Leon’s grip on him tightened.
“It’s about the night I left Valdelobos.”
“Krauser?”
“No,” Luis shook his head, licking his lips even though his mouth felt dry. He brought his gaze up and met Leon’s concerned stare with a grim expression of his own. “About the first time I left Valdelobos, I should say. I was just a boy then.”
“I never knew my parents. My grandfather was the only person I had.”
“You told me about him. About the tomato soup he’d make for you,” Leon said.
“Sí. Su sopa de tomate,” Luis warmed up at the memory. “My grandfather wasn’t a miracle worker, but he was my hero. He was my everything.”
His voice trailed off, the shine in his eyes fading.
“And then I lost him.”
Hearing Luis’s voice shake sent a sharp pang through Leon’s chest. Up until now, Luis hadn’t really said much about losing his grandfather. The man had only shared good memories and vague remarks in passing about losing him.
“My grandfather was a hunter,” Luis pressed forward, sounding much older and more tired than he usually did. At last, the years were catching up to him now that he’d stopped running from his past. “Sometimes I would follow him when he went on a hunt, but he’d send me back. Or try to.”
“One day he, ah, got hurt while hunting. And he got sick. Really sick,” his voice cracked. He shut his eyes, inhaling deeply to ground himself.
Leon let go of his hands to cup his face again. Luis opened his eyes at that, struggling to find his words and grateful that Leon wasn’t rushing him.
“He got sick, but nobody knew what it was. You know how rumours spread. Everyone was scared, so what else was the chief supposed to do?”
“The nightmare,” Leon started. He had a feeling he knew where this story was going. “You lost your grandfather before leaving Valdelobos.”
“I did,” Luis nodded his head with pursed lips. Leon gently pulled him in for a quick peck in an attempt to ease him. Luis smiled slightly, always a sucker for affection. The smile vanished as quickly as it had appeared. “The village gathered around outside our home and watched it burn.”
“That’s where the nightmare begins. Without fail, I’m a child watching my home go up in flames all over again. Helpless. And you wanna know what the worst part is?”
“My grandfather was inside while it burned,” Luis laughed bitterly, bile rising up from his gut and into his throat. He swallowed thickly, forcing his sickness down. The last thing he needed at this hour was to clean his own vomit. “I watched it all happen. I stood there, paralysed, and I watched my entire world burn.”
He went silent again, letting his words settle like the ashes of his home. Leon let go of his face to pull him closer, holding him by his waist. Luis all but collapsed on him, wrapping his arms around Leon’s neck like he’d done before they’d danced. He was able to hide his face like this, and he found it to be a small mercy.
“I stood there long after the fire settled, and then I made up my mind. I left before the sun rose. There was nothing left for me there. I guess my body got tired of reliving the memory every night, so I couldn’t sleep tonight.”
He relaxed ever so slightly now that he was done. He’d managed to get through recounting one of the most traumatic events of his life without puking or breaking into hysterical sobs.
“Thank you,” Luis whispered again.
“For what?”
“For comforting me. For saving me,” Luis pulled back to face Leon. “For loving me.”
“You don’t need to thank people for loving you,” Leon muttered, devastated that Luis would ever feel compelled to do so.
“This is new to me, okay?” Luis rolled his eyes. “I’ve never been rooted in one place for too long, and nobody’s ever chosen to stay.”
“I could say the same thing,” Leon stared at him with the same fond look as always, a glint in his eyes.
When Leon pulled him back in, it wasn’t for a quick peck this time. Luis allowed himself to melt into it, relinquishing his apprehension and relaxing fully. Another reminder that he was going to be okay. He wasn’t trapped in that village anymore, just waiting to die. He was making a new home for himself with a man that understood his struggles. They would help each other. They would both be alright.
“Let’s get back to bed,” Luis whispered when they pulled apart.
“Are you sure?”
Luis nodded his head. Turning off the radio and then the kitchen light, the two stumbled out of the kitchen, down the hall, and into their bedroom. They climbed under the covers of their queen sized bed and curled up facing each other to keep warm. Before Luis could spiral into his thoughts again, Leon wrapped his arms around him, holding him close and running his fingers through his hair. The gesture was calm and soothing. It wasn’t long before the Spaniard’s eyes felt heavy.
That night, he did not dream of hellfire and youthful innocence turning to ash. No, he was safe from that for tonight. Instead, he dreamt of a new home where there was nothing but soft light, sweet music, and plenty of laughter. He was safe. He was content. He was in love.