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Airports are Felix’s least favorite place. In some countries, they’re left alone, but in Korea, they’re not. He clings to Hyunjin as they walk through the chaos, uncaring that they have been told to not be as close in public. He doesn’t feel well, and he just needs to get through this so he can have a nap before today’s practice. Not even travelling from another country gives them a break from comeback preparations.
Felix feels himself shaking, but he can’t tell if it’s from anxiety or not feeling well. The plane ride wasn’t that long, but somehow Felix went from feeling fine to really sick in the time since they left Japan. His stomach feels unsettled and crampy, and he is exhausted. The exhaustion can easily be explained by not getting enough sleep while he ran from one event to another, but he does not have a good explanation for the stomachache.
They somehow make it to the car while Felix is lost in thought, piling in and sinking into their seats when the door closes, silence engulfing them. Felix resists wrapping his arms around his stomach, not wanting to seem dramatic. He feels kind of weird, he can’t really explain how, but he’s probably just too tired. He knows that he should tell the others that he doesn’t feel good, but he can’t make the words pass his lips.
“Are you feeling okay?” He hears Chan ask, and Felix looks up at him in surprise. He didn’t think that he was being obvious. But Chan isn’t looking at him, and when Felix looks around, he sees that Hyunjin is sitting with his arms around his stomach and a grimace on his face. Realization sets in, and Felix shrinks back into his seat. Hyunjin doesn’t feel well, and now that the members have caught on, Felix can’t make this about himself.
“No.” Hyunjin says, and Felix wraps an arm around his shoulders, pulling him closer. Hyunjin doesn’t look good at all, pale and clammy and clearly uncomfortable. Felix feels horrible for not noticing sooner.
“What hurts?” Felix asks, melting when Hyunjin folds into his arms in the most adorable way. It doesn’t matter how bad Felix feels, he will always take care of Hyunjin.
“My stomach. I’m bloated and kind of nauseous and really crampy.” Hyunjin says, perfectly describing how Felix feels. It can’t be a coincidence that they both have the same symptoms. Felix can’t deny that something is up when they seem to have the same thing, but he really hopes that they aren’t actually sick. They don’t have time for that.
“Do you think you ate something?” Chan asks, and Felix’s stomach sinks with realization. When they got to the airport, Hyunjin was whining about being hungry, so he bought some food and shared it with Felix. No one else has eaten anything since breakfast at the hotel. But can it really hit this fast? It’s only been a few hours.
“If it was the burger, Felix would feel sick too.” Hyunjin mumbles, looking sicker by the minute. The movement of the car is probably making him feel worse, it is making Felix feel worse. He has no idea how everyone can see how sick Hyunjin feels and not see the same on Felix’s face.
“Do you feel sick, Felix?” Chan asks. It would be so easy to say yes, to admit that he doesn’t feel much better than Hyunjin. But he can’t. There is no way for him to admit that when everyone is already stressed about what to do with Hyunjin. No one is saying it, but they have a schedule to go to. They don’t have time for anyone to be sick.
“No.” Felix says, and he can feel how relieved Hyunjin is. Felix really wishes that he wasn’t lying to everyone, but he’ll probably be fine, so it doesn’t matter. Chan slowly nods like he isn’t sure whether he believes it or not, and Felix keeps his mouth shut out of fear that he’ll say anything that tells them the truth.
“I’ll just have a nap, it’s probably fine.” Hyunjin says, but he looks far from fine. Felix doesn’t know what else to do, so he just pulls Hyunjin closer, allowing him to close his eyes and relax. It is easy to not think about how he feels when he focuses on Hyunjin, so that’s what he will do until whatever this is passes.
“If you say so.” Chan says, then the car falls into silence. Hyunjin falls asleep within minutes, going soft against Felix’s side, and as much as Felix would like to join, he stays awake. Chan keeps eyeing Felix the rest of the ride, like he knows what is going on. This isn’t the first time Felix lies through his teeth when he’s sick. There’s just something about admitting it that makes him feel too vulnerable.
-
When they arrive at the studio, Felix shakes Hyunjin’s shoulder to wake him up. Hyunjin looks incredibly tired when he slides across the seats and gets out of the car. Felix chuckles at him, finding his sleepy face adorable. As they walk into the building, Hyunjin reaches for Felix’s hand and Felix instinctively pulls his hand back, not wanting Hyunjin to feel how shaky he is.
Hyunjin frowns at him, so Felix takes his hand to reassure him that he’s fine, and Hyunjin looks pleased. It doesn’t take long for Hyunjin to notice that Felix is shaking. Felix can tell that he knows when he intertwines their fingers and squeezes Felix’s hand as if he’s trying to stop it.
“You’re shaky.” Hyunjin comments, keeping his voice low so only Felix can hear. The other members are walking in front of them, so Felix slows down a little to put more space between them.
“Just tired I guess.” Felix smiles at him and leans in for a kiss to comfort him. They’re in a hallway, no one can see them, but it still makes Felix’s heart pick up speed in his chest.
“You don’t get shaky this easily though?” Hyunjin questions, and Felix doesn’t know what to say to that. Being tired is a horrible excuse for shaking, it doesn’t explain anything.
“Well, I feel okay.” Felix lies, figuring that excuses will just make him less believable, and Hyunjin hesitantly nods. “How are you feeling?” Felix asks to change subject. Hyunjin deflates at his question, like it reminds him of how bad he feels.
“I’m not so sure about being fine anymore. The nausea is getting worse like I might throw up soon.” Hyunjin says, and Felix’s heart breaks for him. Pushing aside the fact that he feels the same way, Felix tries to comfort him.
“I’m sorry you feel so bad. You can lie down while we practice, have another nap.” Felix suggests, knowing that he’ll have to fight Hyunjin on this. None of them like missing out on practice, and Hyunjin is a hard worker, but he really needs to learn when to take a break.
“But we need to practice.” Hyunjin says, just like Felix expected. They do need to practice, comeback is in two weeks, but they learned the choreographies months ago. There is no move Hyunjin hasn’t already perfected.
“And it won’t do anyone any good if you throw up on the floor in the middle of the song.” Felix says, suppressing a groan as a wave of nausea washes over him at the mention of throwing up. He really should’ve admitted how he feels, but it’s too late now.
“I guess you’re right.” Hyunjin says, agreeing much easier than normal. He really does not feel good then, probably much worse than Felix. “Are you sure you feel okay though? If it was that burger, you can’t be feeling too good either.” Hyunjin keeps pressing. He probably knows, he looks like he knows. There is no way he hasn’t picked up on it, he knows Felix too well.
“I…” Felix trails off. It doesn’t feel right to lie, maybe he can tell Hyunjin the truth. Just Hyunjin. “I don’t feel great.” Felix admits, figuring that he might as well be honest. His stomach is rolling, sweat is collecting on his forehead, and he’s getting a headache. A cold hand is pressed to Felix’s forehead, and he closes his eyes with a sigh.
“You have a fever. Anything else?” Hyunjin says, and it’s as if his words give Felix permission to feel how sick he is. He is aching from the fever, and his stomach is cramping, and he has heartburn and is nauseous and there’s an ache behind his eyes. He just feels horrible.
“My stomach is really bothering me.” Felix doesn’t need to explain, Hyunjin feels the same way. Felix tries to press a hand into his stomach to see if it helps, but it only makes everything worse, and he has to wait for a moment before he can even breathe again.
“You should nap with me.” Hyunjin says, but Felix can’t do that. The others will find out how he feels, and there’s no point anyway when he’ll feel better soon.
“No, I’ll be okay.” Felix says, stopping just outside of the practice room. He can hear the members talking inside, but all of Felix’s attention is on Hyunjin. “Please don’t tell them.” He begs, knowing that Hyunjin knows how shy he is about these things.
“I won’t, but you are not getting out of this.” Hyunjin says, grabbing Felix’s hand and pulling him inside before he can ask what Hyunjin is doing. Hyunjin drags him over to the couch in the corner and makes Felix sit down with him. It would be a great excuse that he’s comforting Hyunjin, but Felix needs to practice to distract himself from how bad he feels.
“Do you want me to rub your stomach until you fall asleep?” Felix offers, and Hyunjin nods, laying down beside him. Felix wraps himself around Hyunjin’s back and sneaks his hand up under Hyunjin’s shirt to rub his stomach. Hyunjin sighs and relaxes into the couch, and Felix really wishes that he could feel better too.
He stays with Hyunjin until he’s sure that he’s asleep. Then he carefully gets up and joins the members for practice. For a while he’s able to push down how he feels and focus on dancing. Felix is great at shutting out the sensations in his body, he has to be in the line of work he’s in. But he often does it when it isn’t necessary as well. He will dance until he collapses even though it’s just practice because he didn’t feel how tired he was getting.
So when he has to stop mid-move to swallow against the burning pressure in his throat he isn’t as surprised as he should be. As he stops moving the gravity of how horrible he feels hits him full force. The nausea has reached peaks he can’t even describe. It feels like every cell in his body is nauseous, like it reaches every little nook and cranny, and it makes him feel like he’s about to fall apart.
He’s conflicted between staying completely still and hoping for the best or running to the bathroom. He doesn’t want to move ever again, but the nausea is only getting worse, making him clench his teeth and swallow it back. Ultimately, he decides on the latter. If he ends up puking, he doesn’t want it to happen here.
“Where are you going?” Chan asks when Felix heads for the door. For some reason, Felix stops walking to turn around and see all of them looking at him in confusion. He did just start leaving in the middle of a song, so he can’t blame them.
“Bathroom.” Felix says, feeling too sick to come up with a better excuse. Chills are running through his body, probably from the fever, and his head aches, like there’s a nail in his skull. And his stomach is rolling and cramping at the same time, waves of nausea and dizziness hitting him from every angle.
“In the middle of the song?” Minho asks, looking so annoyed. Felix’s mouth is rapidly watering, but he stays where he is, repeatedly swallowing and telling himself that he’s fine. He can’t let them know how he feels, and apparently that is enough to have him staying here even though he is moments from throwing up.
“I just really need-” Felix cuts himself off, when the feeling in his throat becomes nearly impossible to fight against. He can either throw up in front of everyone or run to the bathroom to get some privacy, so he turns on his heels and starts running. It is pure stubbornness that keeps it in until he reaches the bathroom, dropping to his knees in the nearest stall and dry heaving.
He regrets not telling anyone, realizing that he could really use some comfort. It wouldn’t hurt to have someone rubbing his back and keeping him calm, even though he only wanted Hyunjin to know.
Felix heaves again, and this time he feels something rushing up his throat. He scrambles to get his hair out of the way before he starts throwing up, really not wanting to get it in his freshly dyed hair. He has no chance against the nausea, only a passenger in his own body as retches curl through his whole body.
Stomach acid burns his throat, bringing tears to his eyes. It’s such a disgusting feeling, and it’s so all-encompassing that he can’t even think clearly. It is so gross and so overwhelming, and he hates doing this alone. But a moment later someone is there, sitting down behind him and pushes Felix’s hair back for him.
“You’re okay.” Minho says, taking a moment to gather Felix’s long hair in a ponytail and tying it up before rubbing his back. Felix reaches one of his arms out, and Minho takes the hint, grasping his hand and squeezing it comfortingly. The puking seems to go on forever, round after round of burning liquid rushing out of him. But it can’t actually go on forever, and eventually he stops bringing anything up.
“Breathe, you’re okay, it’s almost over.” Minho reminds him, and Felix tries to swallow back the gags and focus on breathing. Soon he’s just leaning over the toilet, out of breath. His face is wet with sweat and tears, mouth tasting foul, and his body aches with the strain of throwing up.
Minho gets up and Felix whines at the loss of contact, feeling too vulnerable to be alone. The feel of cool fabric touching his skin when Minho wipes his face makes it worth it, but as soon as Minho drapes the cloth over Felix’s neck, he reaches out for Minho again. This time turning to him for a hug. Felix wants to cry, that was so horrible, but he’s too tired.
“Want to go back?” Minho asks as he wraps Felix in his arms. Felix melts into the hug and wishes that it did something to help him feel better. He loves how soft he’s making Minho, knowing that the older will not admit that this happened later. The thought of lying down with Hyunjin is inviting, but nausea is still hitting him in strong waves, and sooner rather than later it will peak again.
“I’m not done.” Felix mumbles into Minho’s shoulder. He feels his whole body shaking just like before, and he’s so exhausted that sitting up is becoming too much of an effort. Minho notices and helps him lie down with his head resting in Minho’s lap, their hands still interlaced as Felix closes his eyes and breathes.
“Why didn’t you tell us?” Minho sounds confused. Felix can practically hear his eyebrows pulling in to meet in the middle. Felix can’t blame him; he should have said something when Hyunjin said he felt sick. They even asked Felix if he was sick too and he denied it.
“Hyunjin’s sick.” Felix says, and he knows that he shouldn’t have let that stop him, but in his defense, he didn’t think that he was this sick. He really thought that it was just a stomachache, not food poisoning.
“Why would that stop you?” Minho asks, and Felix opens his eyes to see him frowning slightly. Felix’s first instinct is to insist that he didn’t think he was sick, but why would that stop him from telling them that he felt the same as Hyunjin did? Hyunjin had no problem mentioning it and complaining about it, making sure that everyone knew.
“Didn’t want to be a burden.” Felix feels himself choke up at the words. Saying them out loud feels so much deeper than thinking them. And maybe the fever and general illness is making him a little more emotional than usual. He can feel the nausea building again, pressure growing in the back of his throat as cold sweats break out all over his skin.
“Felix…” Minho sighs, but before he can continue Felix gets up from the floor to lean over the toilet again. This time Minho reaches for Felix’s hand, knowing what he needs. He is so calm, and that is what Felix needs when he’s so nauseous that he starts doubting that he will ever not be nauseous again.
“It’s okay, let it out.” Minho says when Felix starts gagging again. He clutches the toilet seat with his free hand, holding himself up. Minho rubs Felix’s lower back in circles through the whole thing, staying calm and comforting enough to keep Felix calm. It feels like he’s there for hours before this round ends too.
When he finally leans back into Minho’s chest this time, he feels a little better. The nausea is settling down into something more bearable, making him more bothered by the chills and aches running through his body. He suddenly feels how exhausted he is, and how ready he is to have a nap.
“You’re never a burden.” Minho continues their conversation right where they left off. Felix doesn’t have the energy to talk about this, but he doesn’t have the energy to tell Minho to shut up either. “You didn’t think of Hyunjin as a burden for being sick, right?” Minho says then.
“No.” Felix says without doubt, no matter what he never thought of Hyunjin as a burden. He will happily take care of Hyunjin in every way he can. And maybe the members feel that way about Felix too, it shouldn’t be that hard to believe. Minho always knows the right things to say, and it’s annoying, it puts limits on Felix’s self-destructive thinking.
“Are you done now?” Minho asks, wiping Felix’s chin again before flushing everything down. Felix nods, feeling a little less like he’s about to throw up. Now that he can think again, he wonders how Hyunjin is feeling. He seemed sicker than Felix was earlier, but hopefully he’s still asleep. Felix carefully stands up before going to wash his hands and splash some water on his face.
They go back to the group and Minho fills everyone in that Felix is sick too. Felix goes straight for the couch, cuddling up with Hyunjin again now that he has nothing to hide. The other members go back to practice as if nothing happened, and Felix tries to have a nap, but he can’t get comfortable enough to fall asleep.
He’s still shaky and uncomfortable, and laying down makes him feel like his stomach is in his throat. He must still have a fever, but he wouldn’t be able to hold any meds down. So he ends up moving around in search of a comfortable position while trying not to wake Hyunjin up.
He doesn’t even realize he’s fallen asleep until he startles awake again. His stomach is doing somersaults, jumping into his throat. He stumbles off the couch and rushes out of the room, still half asleep. Hyunjin is right behind him this time, having been woken up by Felix’s hurry to get to the bathroom.
Felix isn’t even bringing up anything anymore, he’s just dry heaving over the toilet, using so much energy that he doesn’t have. He isn’t throwing up for long when Hyunjin disappears from behind him. He already knows why before he hears gagging coming from another stall. He knew this would happen, and he almost laughs just because the situation is so ridiculous, but then he gags again and doesn’t have space to think about anything else.
Felix clearly wasn’t the only one sensing trouble. The bathroom door opens, and Minho is back at Felix’s side. He can hear Chan talking to Hyunjin who is throwing up a lot more violently than Felix is. Hearing it is enough for Felix’s stomach to never calm down.
“You’re okay.” Minho reassures him as Felix expels whatever’s left in his stomach. It’s just bile at this point, burning all the way up. He quickly stops bringing anything up, but he isn’t able to stop gagging until Hyunjin quiets down. When they finally stop throwing up, Felix leans back against Minho’s chest, focusing on catching his breath.
“We should go home.” Minho says, and Felix does not have it in himself to refuse. There’s no way he or Hyunjin will be able to do any practicing until they feel better. A moment later, Chan’s reply comes from the other side of the wall.
“We’ll all take the rest of the day off. You two can’t be alone and there’s no point in only half the group practicing.”
-
While Chan unlocks the door to Hyunjin’s dorm, Felix leans against Hyunjin’s back, resting his forehead on his neck. The other members went to Felix’s dorm, figuring that it’s better to split up while some of them are sick.
They somehow made it through the car ride without both of them puking. They didn’t get very far before Hyunjin was bent over a plastic bag, but Felix somehow didn’t start gagging too, and he has no clue how. He still feels sick, but his stomach is empty and he’s too tired to feel anything but how tired he is as they enter the dorm.
Felix always showers when they get home from practice, and he needs it more than ever today. Throwing up in a public bathroom doesn’t make him feel very clean. Not to mention that they were on a plane earlier today. However, he’s so tired that he seriously considers skipping it today. As soon as the thought crosses his mind, he decides that the shower can wait; the bed is screaming for him. He’s halfway to Hyunjin’s room before a voice stops him.
“I know you’re tired, but shouldn’t you shower first?” Hyunjin says, probably feeling just as gross as Felix does. Felix groans and stops walking, knowing that Hyunjin is right. “Come on, I’ll wash your hair.” Hyunjin says, and that sounds just inviting enough that Felix gives in. He gives the bedroom door one last longing look before following Hyunjin to the bathroom, dragging his feet all the way there.
“You’re so dramatic.” Hyunjin says with a smile and Felix throws him a look but fails to hold back his own smile. He is probably acting like a child, but he doesn’t find it in himself to care. Children are great, there’s nothing wrong with acting like one.
“As if you’re any better.” Felix says, Hyunjin is often viewed as the dramatic one, not because he’s the only one, but he’s the worst one. Hyunjin just lets out a little laugh at the comment and shakes his head, not denying it. Felix pretends not to see how Chan and Minho are looking at them, like they’re an old married couple who are still so in love that it’s sickening.
Hyunjin wraps his arms around Felix’s shoulders, kissing his temple and leading him the rest of the way to the bathroom. Felix plays up the laziness while undressing, sighing and groaning and moving slowly. He feels so sick, and he’s sure that Hyunjin doesn’t feel any better, but he lets Felix have his moment.
They step into the shower together, and the warm water instantly relaxes Felix. He didn’t realize how tense he was until now and relaxing only makes him feel sleepier. When Hyunjin massages the shampoo into Felix’s hair, the fingers against his scalp feel amazing, making his body turn to jelly. He doesn’t know how he’s still conscious, but he really shouldn’t be.
He feels like he could fall asleep standing up, if he just leaned back against Hyunjin’s chest, he would be out so fast. It feels like he’s been awake for days, so overtired that he can barely function. The tired ache in his bones is distracting him from the cramping in his stomach, making him feel like he could actually sleep through the night.
Hyunjin thankfully notices how tired Felix is and quickly finishes cleaning them both before leading Felix out of the shower and wrapping him in a warm, fluffy bathrobe. Hyunjin must feel so sick too, but he doesn’t complain as he takes care of Felix. Maybe Felix isn’t the only one who prefers taking care of someone over feeling how sick he is.
Hyunjin has Felix sit down on the bathroom counter while they brush their teeth, and Felix is so tired that his arm aches at the movement, burning with the strain on his muscles. Sitting down with a big fluffy bath robe makes it easy for Felix to curl around his aching stomach, relieving some of the pressure. He just needs sleep. It will fix all of his problems. He’ll wake up in the morning and be amazed at what getting enough sleep can do.
Felix doesn’t even notice Hyunjin picking him up and carrying him to bed before he hits the sheets. He’s half asleep already, barely mustering up the energy to say ‘goodnight’ before he falls into a deep sleep. Ready to wake up feeling better in a few hours.