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Exer felt something tug on his insides as he watched David, who was pretty much unapologetic about himself.
At least in front of him and their friends.
David would proudly smile and talk about being bisexual in front of their friends whenever he got the chance.
He smiled when he discovered the term, he smiled when he saw the flag, and he smiled when he showed everyone the subtle bisexual sweater Brenda had knit for him.
A smile, a real smile. That smile that Exer loved, the smile that shines brighter than the sun. Exer loved that smile.
But everytime the conversation came up (which was pretty much anytime David could bring it up) Exer felt his heart squeeze, a lump form right in the middle of his throat, and a never ending pit at the bottom of his stomach.
With a parent so against it, David’s pride for being bisexual was surprisingly loud.
And with a parent so accepting, Exer’s own acceptance was harder than he would like to admit.
It was ironic how much self-hatred Exer had for himself. He almost felt stupid every time he watched David talk about sexuality so confidently in front of their friends as Exer sat in the corner awkwardly.
He knew he loved David, but saying it felt like revealing a big secret. As if saying “I love you” in public would make the world stop spinning.
Somehow, identifying became a lot scarier than just accepting of it.
As if everyone else could be gay except for him.
Every-time he held David’s hand, his emotions would swirl, creating an ugly mix of disgust, hatred and worst of all love and comfort .
Exer wanted to feel safe in the arms of David, but his thoughts were filled with how he would always be different.
He would watch a movie and look at the main couple as they kiss, thinking he could never be normal .
Ricky and Marty as they tease him and David for being queer, he would never be like them .
People like William who could only view people like him as mistakes, they are right.
“Exer?” David said softly, that smile that Exer wished he could view forever and burn the memory out of his mind simultaneously.
“Hm?” Exer smiled back, shaking away his thoughts.
“Brenda made you this,” He placed the bracelet In Exer’s hand.
A woven rainbow that fit perfectly on his wrist with the adjustable ties, a friendship bracelet.
“It's the rainbow flag.” David added, watching Exer put it on.
“I think I know what a rainbow looks like.” Exer rolled his eyes playfully.
David pushed Exer lightly with a laugh. “Oh, shut up.”
Exer looked down at It.
you will never be normal.
“We were going to make you the one like mine but I wasn't sure If you'd like that, so I figured we’d just use this one since it covers everything, basically!” David beamed, looking down at Exer’s wrist where the bracelet sat.
they are right about you.
“Exer?”
you are a mistake.
David frowned. “I’m sorry– It's not really subtle, is it? I just figured because your dad is supportive–”
“No! No, I love it.. I just–” Exer bit his lip, looking up at David. “You're just so proud of who you are, Day. And–” he hugged himself. “I just wish I could be half as proud of myself. I feel like a mistake, I feel inhumane, Day. Everytime you hug me, everytime you touch me I feel so happy and.. weird at the same time. I feel like I should be disgusted, but I don't and that makes me feel disgusted.” He covered his face. “I know I’m bisexual, but I just– I can't bring myself to say it.” he squeezed his eyes closed.
David smiled lightly, holding his hand.
And he felt a wave of love, and disgust slowly raised up to his stomach as–
“You just said it.” David laughed lightheartedly.
Exer opened his eyes slowly and blinked. He admitted It. He was bisexual.
“Oh.” Exer blinked again. “Oh my gosh.” Exer couldn't help but laugh at their antics. “I did , I just said it, didn’t I?” he felt tears threaten to leave his eyes that started to feel heavy.
“Exer, you think I don't feel the same way sometimes?” He pushed back Exer’s curls. “Especially with my dad around, I'm just surrounded by people who make me feel like I should be disgusted. But, then there's people like you, Brenda, and Ron.”
Exer wiped his tears on his sleeve. “It sounds stupid, but admitting it to myself is so freeing, like I can do whatever I want, which is like– crazy. Being out to you guys is like my home. Admitting it is the first and hardest step, and I don't blame you for not being able to fully accept yourself yet.” David wiped Exer’s tears, cupping his cheeks. “But, I will be here when you do.”
Exer finally felt the disgust drain away, his stomach full of butterflies and his head full of love. He leaned in smiling as he went to kiss him.
He was bisexual, and, at least for now in the comfort of David’s loving embrace, that was okay.