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Khan grumbled as he trudged down the cold, metal halls of the bunker, heading towards his home. He was not in a good mood. He’d just spent all night working on a prototype for The Super Door™, and it was all for nothing. No matter how much he tried, he just couldn’t find a way to make the flamethrower door knobs function properly. Seven hours of work and all he had to show for it was a few scorch marks. He wanted nothing more than to go home and crash onto his bed and spend the rest of the day alone. Oh, and Uzi would be there too, he guessed.
Whatever, he was tired. He reached the door to his place and inserted the key, enjoying the glorious sound of the door sliding open. He stepped in and called out to his daughter.
“Uzi, I’m home!”
No response.
“Uzi?”
Still nothing. The house was all dark. He could smell the faint scent of popped batteries in the air. He wasn’t sure how, since he had no nose, but he smelled it. He stepped into the living room, and was relieved to spot the sleeping figure of his daughter on the sofa. He was less relieved when he saw the second figure sleeping with their arms wrapped around her. Then, he noticed the glowing lights on their head, and the tail wrapped around Uzi’s legs, and how much taller they were. Oh robo-lord.
“Uzi!”
He’d apparently said it loud enough this time to wake her. Both her and the Murder Drone jumped up in the air, landing basically on top of each other. Uzi untangled herself from the drone (Khan thought his name was M or something?), and then looked straight at Khan. Her face was simultaneously one of irritation and embarrassment.
“Dad! What the hell?”
“I might ask you the same thing. What in the world is he doing here?” He pointed at the murder drone, who was trying and failing to hide his furious blush behind his hands.
Uzi looked over her shoulder at him, then did a double take. Then it was her turn to blush.
“Uh… I… I mean… We… We didn’t… I didn’t… Uhh…” Uzi stumbled over her words so much it increased Khan’s suspicion ten fold.
“Okay! I’m gonna go now, thanks for the movie night Uzi, I had fun, okay bye!” Khan had no time to react as the murder drone swiftly rose to his feet and awkwardly shuffled out of the room, rambling nervously the whole time. The door closed behind him, leaving Uzi and her dad alone in an awkward silence.
“Uzi,” Khan said, agitated. “The murder drone?”
“Dad, I can explain-”
“No need. I understand perfectly.”
“You do?”
“Yes, I read all about this in the parenting manual.” He said, referring to the “Maintaining Insane Daughter Unit” guide he’d found in the garbage and had taken to heart. He sat himself down on the couch and patted the spot next to him. Uzi saw this and sat herself down on the opposite side of the couch.
“When I was your age, I was quite lonely.” He began his story. “Nobody ever really liked me that much back then.”
“Who says they do now?” Uzi snarked.
“Shush. Anyway, I was always a bit of an outcast. People always judged me for my obsessions with doors and killing all humans and stuff. I always got picked on and called names. It felt like I was metaphorically trapped behind a door that could never open.”
“So like, a wall?” Uzi asked, angrily.
“The point is, I was desperate for people to like me. It got to the point where I was so lonely, that I ended up going out with the first person who showed any interest in me.”
“Dad, I don’t-” Uzi cut herself off as a loading screen icon appeared on her visor. “Wait, you dated someone before Mom?”
“Yep. His name was Alvin. He was a real jerk. He always pushed me around and made me feel bad. He was the battering ram to my door of self love. Luckily, I met Nori soon after. She made me realize I was worth something, and that I deserved better, so I dumped him.” Khan started fidgeting with his hands. Thinking about Nori was… hard for him.
“The point is, I understand what it’s like to have everyone hate you. I know that you probably think you’re completely worthless. But you’re not completely useless, and you don’t have to date that murder drone just because nobody else will date you.” He turned to face his daughter, expecting her to thank him for the helpful advice and realize her worth. Instead, the young drone’s mouth was hanging open, and her eyes were burning purple with rage.
“WHAT?” She yelled, jumping up off the couch. “Are you insane?”
“What? I was just trying to help you with your self confidence. Father-daughter unit bonding and all that.” Khan said as if it were the most casual thing in the world. Uzi’s eye twitched, shifting the solver symbol for a moment.
“First of all, I have great self confidence. I love being myself. Second of all, people do like me.”
“Really? I never would have thought. I mean like, everyone seems to hate you. Even your teachers-”
“Shut up!” Uzi stomped on the floor. “Third of all, N and I are not dating!”
“Oh, come on Uzi. I might not be the brightest hinge on the door, but I’m not an idiot. I know dating when I see it.”
“We’re not! You don’t know what you’re talking about! N and I are just friends!”
“Really? I thought for sure he was your boyfriend. There were so many signs. Like that first night he came to the bunker. You said you were sneaking out to make out with your boyfriend, then you came back with him. He even said, ‘nice to meet you Mr. Uzi’ on his way out. I just kinda put two and two together.”
Uzi blushed very hard. Then she grumbled and stomped again. “You’re crazy. That’s not… It wasn’t… He doesn’t… Shut up!” She pouted and crossed her arms.
“Well, I mean come on. Can you blame me? I came home to see you cuddling on the couch. For robo-god’s sake Uzi, he was wearing your clothes.” Khan kept pushing. Uzi felt like she was about to explode. She tried to say something, but it just ended up coming out as a slurry of angry grumbles. She pulled her beanie down over her face to hide her flustered expression.
“You don’t know anything. Just leave it alone. I don’t wanna talk about this anymore, and that’s that!” Uzi huffed, before stomping away to her room, running into the wall on the way. Walking with your eyes covered is hard. Regardless, she got into her room and slammed the door with her solver powers. The young drone climbed up onto her bed, grabbed a nearby pillow, and screamed into it, kicking her legs furiously as she did.
After having a good scream, she collapsed back onto the mattress and sighed angrily. She’d felt more emotions in the past few hours than she had in her whole life. She turned her head and saw the pillow she’d screamed into. She didn’t realize it then, but the item hadn’t been a pillow at all, but N’s clothes, which he’d left folded in a neat little pile on her bed.
Oh right, he still had her hoodie…
She wanted to scream again.
Outside her room, Khan was left sitting alone on the couch. He was thinking about Uzi and that drone. They really weren’t dating? Khan thought for sure they were. They reminded him so much of himself and Nori when they were young. He wished so badly she was here now. She would have known just what to do right now. He, on the other hand, had no idea what to do. He never remembered arguing with his dad this much as a child.
Was he a bad parent?
…
No, it was Uzi who was wrong.