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May my child Alhaitham lead a peaceful life.
It had been six months since he became Acting Grand Sage at Nahida and Cyno’s request.
Alhaitham knew what he was getting himself into when he accepted the supposedly temporary position. It would be a difficult road, but he believed in Nahida, believed in her vision. Under her leadership, Sumeru flourished. However, he didn’t expect that his time would be extended for this long. Three months perhaps, no more than that, but the issues that persisted in Sumeru for centuries reared their ugly heads during his time in office.
His mind was constantly reviewing the various problems that landed on his table, calculating how to best delegate and use their current resources at hand, and doing risk management, while helping Nahida and Cyno reorganize the structure of their government.
The General Mahamatra and the matra no longer took orders from the Acting Grand Sage. The Acting Grand Sage didn’t get involved in the matras’ cases unless they asked for his input directly, with Cyno’s permission. Alhaitham was in charge of reviewing the most important cases concerning the government and the Akademiya, reviewing and approving budgets and project proposals, drafting legislations with Nahida and Cyno’s input, and delegating tasks and resources. As the Archon, Nahida had final say in the major decisions, though as her most trusted advisors, Alhaitham and Cyno met with her frequently to discuss them and legislations would only be enacted with their unanimous vote and her sign-off. Dehya, Candace, and Rahman served as liaisons with the desert folk to improve the relationships between the rainforest and desert peoples.
Of course, Nahida and Cyno worked just as hard as Alhaitham did to restore Sumeru. He saw them everyday, but wondered how they were able to hold up - meeting with their subordinates and international delegates and leaders, sitting in meetings, delegating tasks, the list went on. No matter what he did, the problems just kept piling. He didn’t do the job for the thanks and he certainly knew that he couldn’t help everyone, but it felt like no matter what he did, people just kept expecting and taking more than he could give and do.
Alhaitham collapsed against the Grand Sage’s chair. Head resting against the back, he closed his eyes and tried to will the headache that started this morning from becoming a migraine again.
Most of his days these days were spent like this. This was not the life his grandmother wished for him to have. It was becoming increasingly difficult for him to honor it with every second, every minute, every day that passed.
During the past few months, Kaveh made the uncharacteristic habit of waking early to get coffee ready for himself and Alhaitham. He learned how to make the coffee to Alhaitham’s taste after the constant grumbling in the morning that only worsened as the Acting Grand Sage got buried in work. Getting out of bed was a struggle. Getting ready was a struggle. Trying to find time to eat breakfast before heading to work was a struggle. He ended up bringing his breakfast with him and eating it while working.
His friends started dropping off packed lunches and even packed dinners as days turned into late nights. Usually Nahida, Kaveh, and Nilou, other times Tighnari, Collei, and Dehya if they happened to be in the city. Cyno was usually out on matra business, so he only stopped by occasionally. When he did, he usually brought something from Lambad’s or Puspa Café and the pair would eat in a comfortable silence, soaking in each other’s presence.
“Please rest Alhaitham,” they would all say. He said he would, but they were just reassurances. He used to clock in and clock out on time, as per routine, but as the paperwork piled up, he stayed later and later. No matter how many problems he resolved, more would pop up. It was never ending. He knew the work would always be there, but it seemed almost an impossible task to set those boundaries at this point.
Alhaitham dug the heels of his hands into his eyes. They would not stop aching or burning. It got to the point where he asked Tighnari to make eyedrops for him, since the numerous candles he lit on his desk dried the air around him. He spent a lot of time at his desk nowadays. It became the norm for Kaveh or Cyno to drag him back home to rest while admonishing him. How the tables have turned. (Alhaitham quirked a smile, Cyno would love that joke.)
Usually known for his calm and composed demeanor, it started deteriorating. He got irritated easily and snapped at others for the smallest things, even Nahida and Cyno. They certainly didn’t deserve it and their stunned reactions said it all, but he couldn’t help himself. His self control was slipping and that further irritated him. Sleep eluded him as work problems accumulated. Normally, he could compartmentalize and separate work from personal life, but with the mounting stress and lack of sleep, it was getting harder.
He wished he could drop everything.
When he did have some free time, all he wanted to do was nothing, not even read. Nothing that would require his mind to think, to reason, to work. If he did do something other than sleeping with the little free time he had, it would be tasks that required minimal thinking, like putting his books away. Kaveh always nagged him to do it, so he might as well start doing it now. Or cooking, something to get him away from his desk and for his hands to do something menial. It calmed him down, but not enough.
Anything that required mental energy became daunting.
Alhaitham leaned forward on his desk, resting his forehead in his hand, eyes still closed, trying to take deep breaths. His right arm was outstretched, fingers curling on the smooth surface of his desk, trying to get a figurative grip on things.
Thinking through problems was his greatest strength, yet the more he tried to think his way through his current predicament, the more it felt like he was falling deeper into the black hole of exhaustion. His mind felt like it was slowly fragmenting, so much that it would take a lot of effort to put it back together.
As his thoughts spiraled, his breathing quickened, bordering on hyperventilation as chills rolled down his spine, and his whole body felt tingly. His hands shook and he wasn’t sure if he felt like laughing or crying. Sound became a buzzing in his ears as tears threatened to spill. His head felt like it was going to explode as he tried to get ahold of his thoughts. This never happened before and he shook with the realization that he didn’t know what to do until....
“...-tham. …Haitham!” a familiar voice called out firmly, cutting through the fog. Alhaitham tried to shove the person’s hand away from his shoulder, but they caught his wrist and held firmly. He tried to summon Chisel-Light Mirrors with his other hand, but the person swiftly caught that wrist too and pushed him backwards into the Grand Sage’s chair.
Alhaitham’s eyes opened when his head hit against the back of the chair. His eyes darted around, the person’s blurry form refusing to clear up. Their voice called out, but the ringing in his ears drowned them out as he gasped for air, black dots dancing in his vision. He felt the person maneuver his sword hand, with some difficulty, towards something warm with a steadier pulse.
They spoke to him calmly and firmly, the words coming out in a rhythmic pattern. Alhaitham closed his eyes, trying to match his breathing with the sound of their voice. He didn’t know how many minutes passed, but the buzzing in his ears started letting up, and his whole body stopped shaking as his breaths steadied. He leaned bonelessly against the chair, feeling the months of exhaustion hit all at once. The headache certainly became a migraine now.
“…three. Are you with me, Haitham?” a gentle voice said, a hand with familiar callouses tucked his sweat soaked bangs back. Startled by the touch, he opened his eyes, seeing two ruby eyes staring back at him, searching his eyes intently. Alhaitham’s pulse still raced, but it was much calmer than earlier. He nodded, concentrating on breathing. Speaking was difficult right now.
His vision slowly cleared up, the blurry form becoming Cyno. His snowy hair stuck out in odd directions and his headdress had fallen on Alhaitham’s desk to the side. Alhaitham’s right hand still rested on Cyno’s chest, while his other hand was interlaced with Cyno’s in a death grip. Cyno didn’t wince, but Alhaitham let up on the pressure in his grip anyways. The General Mahamatra gently squeezed his hand back with a soft smile.
“Talk to me?”
Alhaitham shook his head, unlacing their fingers and reached out for Cyno.
Cyno obliged, pulling Alhaitham in and letting Alhaitham rest his head on his chest while Cyno carded his hands through his hair. He started humming a song the children of Aaru Village often sang when the pair visited the school that Kaveh built for them. Alhaitham’s arms hung loosely around Cyno’s waist, his warmth grounding him in the chill of the Grand Sage’s office.
They were used to this song and dance. It wasn’t unusual for either to seek comfort from the other when things got particularly stressful, but it was the first time things escalated to this level. Usually they would talk it out over cups of Sumeru Rose tea from Cyno’s stash, take a stroll through the outskirts of the city at night, or laze around in Alhaitham’s home, reading books together.
Maybe he’ll tell Cyno and apologize for all the times he snapped later, but for now, Alhaitham just wanted to bask in this moment.
He hoped that he can return to the peaceful life that his grandmother wished for him soon.