Chapter Text
Ellie Williams, fourteen years old, with her messy auburn hair, countless freckles and green eyes, potty mouth and creative soul, is a tough kid. Joel has begun to notice when she stays with them during fall while Marlene finds her a home. Luckily, a permanent one.
That's at least what the woman had hoped before leaving the girl in their two story house.
What- What the fuck? You're leaving me now too?! I wish I could be surprised, Marlene. They had overheard, never mentioned it when Ellie settled down in their guest room. She had less belongings than what her bag could hold. Carrying her whole life in a pair of old Converse shoes and a Walkman.
He can't judge the harsh life she has endured, he can't even begin to imagine what the young teenager has gone through.
He can't, so he doesn't want to yell and shout like everyone has done to her before. What would that make of him? Hasn't he learned?
Yet as there are shards of glass on the ground and she grabs his past life in her hands, he's unable to control the locked emotions he has buried deep.
Blue eyes and blonde hair stare at him, and he's smacked with the demise of a girl younger than the angry girl in front of him, a girl softer than Ellie with her edgy lines and bad temper, a girl that used to cry when the sun went out and smiled wider than the blue sky.
"Answer me! Why have you been hiding this from me? What the fuck man! Fuckin' locking your past in that attic-"
"Watch your mouth." He grunts, fists tight and hard, jaw twitching. He would never be able to lay a hand on her, not that he ever could, but he's not responsible for the words that might leave his mouth in an outburst of grief.
And Tess had been right this whole time, you can't keep it inside you anymore, Joel. Shaking her head with a long sigh because she knew she was always right. He's not sure he's glad that's the case when the sun hits the clear material and it shines on him, a culprit of past ghosts that haunt his house.
He doesn’t like Ellie's demanding tone, doesn’t like the way with each word that rings in his ears he can remember how his world turned upside down and his reason to live left him on a cold hospital bed. Ellie is screaming at him, and he can picture Tess years before doing the same thing, same mannerisms and equal intensity, a body smaller than the strong emotions that can't fit in there.
"This is why you wanted me to stay? I'm what- a replacement? And why- Tess planned this with you? You're both- fucking liars! I trusted you!" She snaps, she fights back the tears that threaten to fall as a waterfall the moment she comes to her own conclusion: no one has ever treated her well because they love her.
No one can love her, no one will ever love Ellie for who she is, she's a promise from her mother to Marlene and now a brand new girl to change into someone who's been catching dust in a box on a corner of the attic.
Joel wonders what Tess would say if she hadn't gone out to get groceries, something she had to do alone so he could teach Ellie to play the guitar. But there was the box, so long forgotten with his old things he didn't know what would ensue had he read the name marked in a tag. Faded, untouched.
Sarah Miller. 12.
Ellie is not Sarah, she will never be, and Joel chokes on his tears when he moves fast, Ellie flinches, but he crushes her to his chest, so small he can envelope her properly and melt even within the contrast of the pain they both feel. They're too stubborn and similar, harsh and brash, when they reach their limit they crash and burn and combust as falling stars in the vast sky beyond their windows.
"Sorry kiddo, but you're so wrong. Couldn't be even more far off if ya tried." He says between long pauses, soothing the furious girl in his arms, conflicted and confused. He should've been more clear with how much he has grown fond of her. He thinks that just as he has failed Ellie, he has failed Tess in the long run of their relationship.
He wouldn't deserve them in a million years, how they pick up the broken pieces of him and put them back together. He doesn’t want them to pick apart themselves so he can borrow them, he's whole and complete now. He needs to appreciate what he has.
"Shut up, Joel." She finally adds, muffled from her place in his chest, nose clogged and nasal.
"M being serious, Ellie. You could never be a replacement, we love you as you are. 'Sides Tess would kill ya if she had heard it. She would never allow that. Woman's too damn smart." And we're so dumb.
"You're not fucking with me, no? Or…" Ellie trails off, hugs him tight.
"Course not, I would've promised it to you properly… if ya weren't crushing me." He thinks about Sarah and the times he wished he could be a better parent. He has that chance now.
When Tess returns and there's a tangle of limbs on the couch, eyes red and puffy, she doesn’t outwardly ask but gets between them and holds them closer, because she always knows.
"Hey, bought that tea you like," She's sharp and witty and nothing escapes her keen eye. And these are the people she loves, so she can excuse them to be messy and human and intricately what makes them her husband and, come spring, her daughter. "Got a brand new box of them."
"Those bargaining skills are terrifying." Ellie jokes from where she's squished in her chest, curved like a feline, clingy because from the past weeks Tess had been made aware of how touch-starved she is.
"Gotta agree." Joel says close to Tess's ear, his whiskers tickling her sensitive skin. She elbows him, and that's when they can assure it will be fine. Pain doesn’t need to be a constant in any of their lives, and Ellie deserves better.
When Spring arrives, Ellie is officially a Miller, and she spends her fifteen birthday on the porch playing the guitar with her parents.