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Shuichi stood in front of the corner, knife above the cutting board with absolute focus. Kokichi was the cook of the relationship, both of them knew that, but Shuichi had been trying his best to improve his cooking skills, taking lessons from his fiancé, and for the first time since they moved in together, Shuichi was preparing their dinner unnecessarily. Kokichi was not sick nor out, he simply wanted to test out his abilities. He picked out a fairly simple recipe, but he knew it needed to be perfect. So every move was made with precision, trying to keep his hand from shaking as he brought the knife closer and closer to the carrot- breath so still, room so silent a pin could drop-
He felt two lithe arms wrap around his waist.
He squeaked, slamming the knife into the carrot. He snapped his head around to see the cheeky grin pointed up at him and huffed.
“Kokichi…” He grumbled, trying to ignore how stunning his fiance looked with the setting sun shading his complexion, “You could have made me cut myself!” He looked back at the carrot, spotting the awkwardly thin and lopsided slice, “And you messed up my cutting job!”
“Then I could have repaid a favor~” Kokichi teased, slipping off his engagement ring and flashing the small scar on his finger. Shuichi rolled his eyes, slipping the ring back on his finger before resuming his work. He felt Kokichi lift himself onto the tips of his toes, resting his chin on his shoulder to watch him.
“Why’re you focusing so much anyway?” Kokichi asked, “You’re just cutting a carrot Shushi…”
“It needs to be perfect.” Shuichi said, lining up the carrot once more.
Kokichi snorted, “You’re gonna stress yourself out trying to make it so perfect… how are you supposed to enjoy the meal you had an anxiety attack over making?”
“I’m not going to have an anxiety attack!” Shuichi argued, a red hue flushing over his cheeks. Sure maybe his breath got a bit quick when he realized he put a teaspoon too much salt in the broth but that was it!
Kokichi just tutted, letting his fiance resume his work. Once again, Shuichi prepared, taking a deep breath and focusing just where he wanted the knife to cut.- breath so still, room so silent a pin could drop-
“I wanna celebrate my birthday this year.”
He squeaked, slamming the knife into the carrot. He snapped his head around to see the cheeky grin.
“WHAT?!”
“Whaaat?” His smile was so knowing, “I didn’t stutter, that’s your shtick!”
“Y-you’re serious,” Shuichi questioned, abandoning his work to turn around. Kokichi pulled himself away, wrapping his arms around his back.
“Yep! Yep! Not a lie this time!”
Shuichi’s eyes darted over to the calendar hanging on a cabinet. June 14th. Only a week away from Kokichi’s birthday. He was going to ignore it like he was told to do every year but-
“You want to celebrate?’
“God stop making me repeat myself!” Kokichi pouted, placing his hands on his hips, “I said I did, didn’t I?”
“I know but- but you hate your birthday…”
“Welll,” His arms found their way back around his back, rocking back and forth on his heels, “Maybe I’m feeling a bit braver this year! That’s a lie of course, I’m actually just ready to complete the ritual that will bring out my true form! It can only happen on my birthday yenno? Which is why we avoided it!”
“I think I’m going to take your first reason,” Shuichi concluded, chuckling at the whine it earned him, “And you mean it? I can throw you a party and everything?”
Kokichi’s smirk faltered slightly, “The biggest birthday bash ever!”
Shuichi’s excitement felt as he eyed him warily.
Kokichi did not need words, huffing and letting his own plastic smile fall, “Maybe a little one… I think I could handle a little one… Like the last one you tried to throw me…”
Shuichi cringed at the memory. Kokichi had not taken to the party too well… he swore his cheek still hurt from where he had been hit before Kokichi sprinted out the front door. He had not tried to celebrate his party since. But now he was finally getting a chance…
“Alright,” Shuichi agreed, “A little one.”
Kokichi smiled softly, “Deal.”
Shuichi could no longer hold back, enveloping him in a hug. Kokichi’s breath caught, a tentative moment of stillness before he wrapped his arms around him.
“What’s this for?”
“I’m just- really excited.”
He was. He had always wanted to throw amazing parties the way Kokichi did for him. Always wanted to show Kokichi just how much he appreciated him through a holiday most found glorious. With the opportunity, he knew he was going to make it as perfect for him as possible.
Kokichi seemed to sense his excitement, and laughed, “Me too.”
~♡~
Shuichi sat at the desk in his home’s office, taking the opportunity of Kokichi’s absence to stare at the list on his laptop of everything he needed to finish for Kokichi’s laptop. He was tapping his fingers against the wood, his foot against the floor, trying to keep his mind in a steady line, but frankly, it was all over the place.
I need music that’s intense enough for Kokichi’s tastes, but not intense enough to make the party overwhelming…
A surprise would be too overwhelming but no surprises at all might bore Kokichi…
He hovered his hands over the keyboard, but try as he might he just could not pin anything perfect to any category.
The cake needs decorations that are suitable but not too obvious… there needs to be noisemakers because that’s so Kokichi but they can’t be too loud… the guests should be cheerful but if they’re too enthusiastic it might freak him out… there needs to be plenty of treats but too many might be pressuring.
Shuichi groaned, sliding a hand down his face. He was going back and forth, back and forth, but nothing seemed perfect. The music, the cake, the decorations, the guest list. How could he be sure they would be perfect?He could not stress Kokichi out. He just could not make the same mistake he had made in the past. The heartbroken look on Kokichi’s face when he was overwhelmed- triggered- by his own birthday, it broke Shuichi’s heart. He had sworn to him he would never do it again, promised he would never put any pressure on him.
But the party had to be spectacular! It was Kokichi’s very first one. He never had a birthday party before, Shuichi had to go all out. Small but splendid, subtle but intense. There was so much conflicting Shuichi’s hands could not find a single thing to type.
Instead Shuichi just slammed his head on the table, closing the laptop to handle it another day. He still had a few days left after all…
He hoped he had enough time…
~♡~
Kaede sighed, watching as her best friend bumbled about his little notepad upon the sidewalk they had walked together. All they had done was go out for a nice, simple lunch, and were now walking back to his house together. Upon asking about Kokichi’s birthday, it was revealed to her he finally was willing to have a party. Shuichi had even asked her if she would help with some of the planning! Of course she was ecstatic, anything to make her friends happy! So she let Shuichi pull out his handsized notepad, which held all the things he still needed to think on (Kaede decided not to comment on how adorable it was that he carried that everywhere) and started asking her questions.
Oh what a mistake it was to let him do that.
“What colors do you think are too bright? What aren’t bright enough?”
“His favorite is purple, do purple decorations!”
“But what purple? What if its too similar to him? Would it be a bright or light purple?”
Every questioned she answered was met with another question! Lights, decorations, cake, they never even decided on an answer before he rambled his way over to the next one! It was a lost cause really- nothing was getting done!
Even now that they were walking back to his house, he was still so focused on that notebook with nothing but a completely unfulfilled list of things to do. He had grown more and more frantic, now scribbling down idea after idea on different pages.
“You think I can write something other than happy birthday on the cake? That might be too much?”
“I-“
“Oh who am I kidding of course it has to say happy birthday! It’s a birthday cake!”
It was like he did not even know she was there anymore!
Kaede decided she had enough, ripping the notebook and pen out of Shuichi’s hands and grabbing them, noticing with alarm just how shaky they were.
“Shuichi. You know I love you. But you’re being stupid.” She sighed, “Yes, you should be careful to make sure Kokichi is comfortable, but this is going too far. You’re making yourself miserable.”
Shuichi pulled his hands out of Kaede’s to cup them over his face, “It doesn’t matter if I’m miserable! Its Kokichi’s first birthday he wants to celebrate all that matters is that he loves it!”
“I don’t think he’s going to love you stressing yourself out…” Kaede mentioned.
Shuichi bit his lip and continued walking. What a detective, ignoring the truth when its presented to him.
“Are you coming to his party?”
Kaede sighed once more, shaking her head and catching up to him, “Can I? What if my presence sends him into a panic attack?”
It was a joke, it was so obviously a joke, yet Shuichi stopped in his tracks again, eyes wide, “Y-you don’t think it would, do you? Oh my god, I didn’t even think about a guest limit!”
Too far. Kaede grabbed his shoulders, spinning him to face her, “Shuichi, Calm. Down.” She let her face delve into a warm smile, “Kokichi is going to love anything you do for him. One guest isn’t going to make a difference.”
“So… you’ll come.”
“I would have anyway,” She booped her best friend on the nose, “But now I know I have to, otherwise you’re going to lose your mind.”
“I’ll be calm at the party,” Shuichi assured her, “I promise.”
Kaede linked arms with him, laughing softly as they continued to walk, “You better.”
Kaede was a positive person, as optimistic as people came. And even she doubted Shuichi’s words.
~♡~
Three days before Kokichi’s birthday, Shuichi at least had most of it figured out.
His fiancé did not need to know just how much time he spent perfectly calculating amounts, volumes, measurements, switching between subtle and not-so subtle questions to perfect each individual aspect of the party. He would not let his fiancé freak out, and now he was sure he had the possibility to prevent that.
As long as he was careful. So, so careful.
Which led to his current situation, shuffling through boxes of birthday decorations borrowed and bought from different sources on the floor of their living room, early in the morning with Kokichi yet to come home from his weekend mission with D.I.C.E. His phone was pressed to his ear, currently listening to Kirumi describe her plan for the cake. It seemed rather detailed, which Shuichi was grateful for. Even as terrified as he was, he did not think he had the confidence to mess with someone else’s hard work in his attempt to keep the party balanced. Luckily, Kirumi seemed to understand his stress, working hard in her own endeavor to keep the cake balanced.
I avoided any sort of celebratory statements, She explained, I went for a full cake design instead. Hopefully that will prevent any sort of uncomfortable feelings you described as a possibility.
“That’s perfect,” Shuichi stated, sorting through his six different balloon color options, “Thank you so much for taking the time to do this.”
Take it as my apology for not being able to attend the party itself,” Kirumi added, “If its not too much for him, would you mind if I sent a gift?
“Not at all,” Shuichi said through a smile, but it fell only a second later, “Oh my god… I haven’t got him a gift!”
Do not panic, She reassured him, You have three more days to go out shopping.
“B-but I don’t even know what to get him!” Shuichi gripped his hair, trying not to let himself panic, “What should I do… what should I get him…”
Calm yourself, Saihara san, Kirumi said gently, I shall assist you. Walk up to your calendar.
“M-my calendar?”
Indeed.
Shuichi swallowed dryly, standing up from the pile of ribbon and streamers and walking over to their calendar, staring at the custom photo of the two of them at the top, “N-now what?”
Find the next event that is important to Kokichi.
“The next event…” He put his finger on June 21st, and starting passing through, flipping over to July when he could not find one. His eyes went wide when he landed on a particular date.
Did you find something?
“Y-yeah.”
Does it give you any ideas?
Shuichi wracked his mind. What could he give Kokichi that they did not already have prepared for that special day…
He got it.
“Yes!” His excitement lowered as he realized an issue with his present idea, covering his mouth in thought, “I’m going to have to think it through a little more… but I think I have an idea of what I want to get him.”
Then I’m glad I could be of assistance, Kirumi stated.
“You’re always the best help,” Shuichi gushed, taking a sigh of relief as he walked back over to the decoration pile, “I think I’ll think it over while doing the decorations.”
You’re a multitasker at heart, Kirumi joked through a laugh, I wish you luck, Saihara san. I believe I have a cake design to write down.
“Thanks again Kirumi.” He hung up the phone, tossing it onto the couch as he lowered himself back into the chaos. Decorations, present, cake, guests, there was so much work he had to put into the party. But with so many people to help him, he knew he could at least manage.
He would just have to keep it balanced, yes. Try his hardest, stay focused, keep it balanced.
It was three days until. He had plenty of time to prepare.
~♡~
June 21st. The day had begun.
Of course, Kokichi was yet to be aware.
The small boy had only just began to flutter open his eyelashes, tucked under their covers with sunlight shrouding his form. It was warm and comfortable, eliciting him to just continue to sleeping…
Not without his cuddles though!
He turned himself around, ready to tuck himself into his beloved’s cheset and let the day be just a lazy day and-
His beloved- his beloved was gone!
NOOOO!
Well there was no point in dramatics, there was no one there to see them. Instead he just pouted, wracking his mind for the date to check if his beloved had work.
And that is when he finally realized- it was his birthday.
His first instinct was to cringe. But then he remembered, he was trying to turn a new leaf, trying to disassociate his birthday with the day his hell began. And to do that- he was going to have to stop cringing at his mention, ignore any memories of his fifth birthday that wanted to flash through his mind every time someone brought it up.
He took a deep breath. He could do this. Maybe after a bit more sleep…
Of course, Shuichi had other plans.
He rested his hand on the brass doorknob to their bedroom, waiting just on the other side. He softly turned the handle, letting himself into the adorable sight of his fiance snuggled under the blanket. He smiled when he whined and laughed when he started forcing himself up, watching him stumble once or twice before he had hoisted himself into a leaning position, resting against the headrest.
Shuichi gripped the tray in his hand, walking over to the bed and sitting on its covers as his fiance stared wide-eyed at it.
Their nice silver tray, adorned with hotcakes, fruit, and a beautiful vase of blooming white roses.
“Happy birthday Kokichi.”
Shuichi’s heart melted when he saw Kokichi’s smile, head turned up at him so softly.
“Shumai… this is adorable.”
Shuichi leaned in, kissing him softly before starting to cut up his hotcakes, “I thought we’d start today with a strong breakfast. It is going to be pretty busy with you.”
It usually was, he knew Kokichi liked to keep himself busy on those days. But on that special birthday, it would be for a whole new reason.
Kokichi tilted his head, “Oh? What’s on the agenda Mr. Secretary.”
Shuichi rolled his eyes at the name, “Well, there’s a nice bath waiting for you after breakfast. Then Rantaro wanted to take you out shopping while I get the party set up here. D.I.C.E. should be here by the time your back, I told Rantaro to stay for the party and invited Kaede too.” He let his eyes glance over at his fiance, “Is that all okay?”
Kokichi giggled, “Its perfectly okay Shushi Roll!”
Shuichi eyes him suspiciously, noting how his own were twitching, “You’re sure, you look it a little nervous, Kichi~Ko…”
And yet, Kokichi still smiled, “I’m still getting used to it! Don’t rush me!”
“S-sorry…” Shuichi mumbled, stabbing the fork into another section of uncut cake.
“Don’t you go getting nervous at me,” Kokichi hummed, “Only one of us can be a nervous wreck. And today you gotta let it be me!”
Shuichi sighed, “I will, just- tell me if anything gets too intense or anything makes you uncomfortable so I can stop it. Immediately.”
“I will, I will.”
Shuichi looked over at him, “Promise me.”
Kokichi huffed impatiently, “I promise!”
“Good,” Shuichi hummed, sticking the fork into one of the pieces and holding it up, “Now open up.”
Kokichi was taken aback, face reddening harshly, “Wha- you’re not feeding me.”
“Mmm, too bad birthday boy,” Shuichi said through a smile, “Today’s special. Say ah.”
“Absolutely not!”
“You said you’d let me treat you,” Shuichi fluttered his eyelashes, far too cutely for Kokichi’s liking, “Ahhh!”
Kokichi gritted his teeth for a moment, before relinquishing them to open his mouth. Immediately his mouth was enveloped in sweet satisfaction. He slipped his eyes shut, leaning fully back on the headrest and opening his mouth again.
Okay, maybe he could get use to it…
Hotcakes and birthdays.
~♡~
The moment Kokichi was out the door, Shuichi got to work. He cleaned up preparations for breakfast and the rest of the house, making sure all the games, decorations, and treats he needed were set out, ready to be put up. He ate something small of his own, going through his second cup of coffee too make sure he would have plenty of energy to stay attentive, because he needed to stay attentive.
D.I.C.E. had showed up only an hour after Kokichi had left. They had already agreed to help set up for the party itself. He had heard them chatting idly before they had even reached the door, giving Shuichi an opportunity to open it before they had a chance to knock.
He stifled a laugh at the shocked look at the pigtailed D.I.C.E. member, Maaya Hirawa, staring shocked at the door in front of her. She quickly caught her footing though, and tackled Shuichi into a hug.
“Shu~Shu!” Maaya squealed, “You don’t know how excited I am for this.”
“Hi Maaya…” He greeted nervously, stepping aside with her so the rest of D.I.C.E. could file in.
“This better not go like last time…” The man of a red afro, Teru, mumbled.
“Not that again…” The short brunette Genevieve whispered.
“Nah it’ll be fine!” The tan member Hiro cackled.
“You always say that, dear,” The woman of bobbled lilac hair, Yumera, pointed out.
As the members entered, Shuichi spotted a gift bag hanging off of ech of their arms. They were all different bags, different shapes, different sizes. He looked nervously between each one, having not planned for such a circumstance at all.
“You… you brought gifts?”
“’Course we did!” The raven haired boy, Ohta, mentioned, twirling his around on a finger, “Can’t have our Cap’n’s first birthday be giftless.”
“I second that.” The member of spiked blonde hair, Fuyuya, added blankly, holding his bag politely in front of him.
“W-well I guess that makes sense…” Shuichi mumbled. He certainly could not tell them to not give him the gifts. He was really just going to have to hope 14 gifts was not too many. He really expected only one present from D.I.C.E. collectively… still- he pointed at the back table, where his and Kirumi’s presents already sat, “You can put them over there. That’s- ah- the only thing I have set up so far.”
Everyone bounded over in their own way, placing their gifts on the table. Maaya was the first to speak up, “Lets get this decorating started!”
“R-right!” Shuichi agreed.
He assigned each member to a different section, some in pairs, some by themselves. He understood how Kokichi managed to get so much done at D.I.C.E. Despite their unique personas, they were all amazing workers: obedient, efficient, while still finding time to joke and laugh. He found it a soothing environment, working along the members of D.I.C.E. to hang streamers and blow up balloons, adorning the three rooms downstairs in the differently hued purples, the black, and the white decorations he had picked out. Balloons flew to the ceilings, signs hung from walls, and hangers dangled from shelves and lamps. It was fun, yet simplistic, certainly soothing enough to keep Kokichi from freaking out.
Or so he hoped.
Kaede showed up at one point, bringing the cake Kirumi had so benevolently crafted. It was a checkered pattern, swirls of purple bordering it with little balloons in each corner and his name drawn beautifully in icing across the middle. Shuichi absolutely loved it, hugging Kaede shortly before placing the cake in the center of the dining room’s table. Genevieve already had the music playing from the small stereo, games were set up in the living room, treats lined kitchen counters. All there was to do was wait.
And they did not wait very long. Only hours later, The door flung open, Rantaro holding open for the boy everyone was waiting for.
“Happy Birthday Kokichi!”
Everyone saw him flinch, many waiting nervously as slowly- a smile drew across his face, nervous, but pure.
“Nishishi! You wouldn’t be talking about me? Would you?”
Shuichi took a breath of relief as immediately Kokichi started messing with his members, snatching off Maaya’s scarf and poking at Teru’s side. They all greeted him, Kokichi stopping momentarily to run over and kiss Shuichi on the lips before hopping onto Rantaro’s back and ordering him to run over so he could kick Kaede, the girl effectively squeaking and running as the now burdened Rantaro chased her with Kokichi on his back.
He was surprised how easily everyone melted into the atmosphere, already chatting and sharing expectations of how they thought it would go. Of course, it had gone off spendidly, he planned everything just right!
But… was it just right?
He listened to the music. It was a bit loud, was it not? Maybe it would eventually start unnerving Kokichi, even if he was not paying attention to it at the moment. And the present pile looked a bit bulky, he should stick some under the table so it did not look so crowded.
He moved into action, weaving through people and avoiding the chase (and Kaede’s joking screams for help from him) to turn down the music just a small bit. The moment he felt it was adjusted enough, he walked over to the present table, smiling at Genevieve who sat close by and tucking two presents under the table.
From his new position, he could see the table well. Kokichi had managed to reach Kaede, and was now off Rantaro’s back, holding one of her hands and gushing about the party. But of course, he paid little mind to that- seeing the drinks lined on the counter. There were too many, weren’t there? He did not want to pressure Kokichi to drink so much, especially when he was going to be busy mingling with guests, so he walked himself back over, taking one or so drinks off and sticking them back in the cupboard.
And the cake really was too center was it not? It made it too obvious, and a too obvious cake made a too obvious birthday! He moved the cake just slightly ajar, where it no longer sat in the middle of the table.
He breathed a sigh of relief, yeah everything was fine now- it would be fine- it all would be fine.
He looked over at Kokichi and caught his gaze. He was still hanging off Kaede, but was staring at him- for who knows how long. And from the smallest of frowns on his face.
He swore something was wrong.
No. No. No. What was upsetting him? He immediately started looking around. It must have been the decorations, huh? Too many in one room of course, he needed to move some of the balloons out of the kitchen and into the hall.
He did so accordingly, checking all the room and adjusting the decorations. His hands were shaking as he did so, trying his best to perfect everything quick enough to make sure his fiancé was not upset.
“Ooh my favorite song! Captain dance with me!”
“Wha- Maaya!”
“Come on, lets all dance!”
He smiled, moving to join the guests in dancing, but of course, he managed to catch Kokichi’s gaze again, still staring at him with that growing frown.
Growing- why did he look more unnerved?
Shuichi looked around frantically. What was it? What was it? He could feel his breaths quickening. Was there too many people dancing at once? Maybe that was it? He needed to get at least a couple off the floor!
So he waved over Rantaro, who was twirling Kaede around, and pulled them both into the kitchen. They shared a look before walking over, Shuichi could swear they had the same expression as Kokichi.
Kaede was the only one who spoke on it though, “Hey Shuichi you look kind of-“
“Would you guys set up a playlist?” Shuichi interrupted, “Its hooked up to my phone, here.”
“Oh,” Rantaro relaxed, taking it and showing it to Kaede, “Yeah, we can do that.”
“Queue it up after this song,” Kaede mentioned, “Otherwise I think I’m getting kicked again!”
The moment they were distracted, Shuichi checked on Kokichi again. He was actually trying to move over to Shuichi, but he saw him get distracted by Hiro wrapping an arm around his shoulder. A smile immediately jumped on his face. But it was plastic.
Why was it plastic???
He looked around frantically, the music of course! It was not loud enough! If it was too quiet it might start freaking him out how quiet everything was! He found his way over as quick as he could, turning up the music. And from his spot he saw the presents table. It looked so bare! It would upset Kokichi, looking like no one cared and then he would spiral! He set all the presents on the table.
He caught sight of the kitchen. People had taken drinks, and now there was not enough! What if it ran out? He could not let it run out. He ran over, dodging out of people’s ways to bring drinks out of the cabinet back on the table.
And when he saw the cake he could not believe it- it was not center- Kokichi loved everything looking precise and perfect he wanted to slap himself for letting the cake not be center. He had to center it he had-
His thoughts started dissolving. He was not thinking anymore. Everything was a blur, he was panicking, shaking, trying to keep it inside and not put it on display. But it was hard- so hard- because everytime he looked at Kokichi- he looked more upset!
Music, treats, guests, fix them again. Fix them again.
He had no clue how long had passed, how many games the guests were playing, how many times he saw Kokichi looking more and more nervous and failing attempt after attempt to make his way over to Shuichi before someone else distracted him. It made sense- he was the center of attention.
Presents, cake, decorations. Fix them again. Fix them again.
He hardly registered Kaede calling out it was time for cake. It had already been hours?? He looked at the clock to confirm it, it had- at least Kokichi had not freaked out yet. But walking over to the table, he should have been looking at his cake Kirumi made him, but all he was looking at was Shuichi.
“Shuichi?”
Shuichi’s eyes snapped over, pulling the best smile up he could as he caught Maaya’s eyes, “Y-yeah?”
She held up the lighter, “Did you- want to light the candles?”
Shuichi held his hands, “Oh no that’s alright. H-how about you do it?” His hands were shaking so bad, no way he was holding his hand over a bunch of small fires. Anything at that point could set Kokichi off- he was not about to let it be his own injury.
Maaya smiled, “Alrighty then! Get ready to sing!”
And as she brought over the lighter, beginning to light the candles, the singing began.
Happy Birthday To You~
Kokichi was not looking at any of them. He was staring at Shuichi. And he looked so nervous.
Happy Birthday to You Was anything right?
Happy Birthday Dear Kokichi~
No- no nothing was right. Wrong It was all wrong it was-
Happy Birthday To-
He could not take it anymore. He could not breathe.
He collapsed onto the floor, legs shaking so bad they gave out. His breaths were sharp, fast, stinging his chest. His eyes were blown wide, felt trembling hands clutching and pulling at his hair. Thoughts were fast, so fast he could not process a single one- he did not even know what he was thinking- he could not even see-
Muffled in the ringing of his ears, he heard a chair clatter to the floor. Mere seconds later, a warmth wrapped around his waist one clutching the back of his head.
“Shuichi, Shumai, hey- look at me.”
The voice was hushed yet urgent, soft against the grating of panic in his ears. He was desperate to just get air in his burning lungs, burying his head in the shoulder he found in front of him and gasping again and again.
His vision came to, and he wished it had not. Eyes were on him- so- so many eyes.
“Stop looking at him! All of you stop looking at him!” He heard it cry.
All the eyes just- disappeared- whatever that voice was- it was a savior.
“Alright Shu…” Once again, the voice was hushed, “Take some deep breaths, kay? With me?”
He felt the chest against his own begin to move slow and deep. He found himself trying to match the rhythm. It was difficult, falling back into gasping more than once, but the burning in lungs felt a bit better as he tried, his mind slowly began to remember, realize.
He was in Kokichi’s arms.
He was pulled to his feet, far too soon for his liking, but managed to stand on shaking legs while leaning on Kokichi. He was hunched over to match Kokichi’s height, but slowly, began being pulled forward, taking steps as best as he could to keep up with the slow pace.
“I’m taking him upstairs.”
He watched with blurry eyes the candles of the cake get blown out, most likely by his lover, as he continued to be assisted in his walk towards the stairs.
“Eat some cake! I might not come back down, you guys can start leaving if you like… thanks for this though.”
“H-happy birthday, Captain…”
“Awe, don’t look so worried! I’ll take care of him…”
He climbed up the stairs, soft affirmations whispered in his ears until he reached the top. He was led over to the bedroom, the door pulled open and the light flicked on. His mind was still moving the speed of molasses- he was hardly processing any of it. But he felt the mattress below him, and leaned down he finally got to see his lovers face.
That uncomfortableness that was on his face for so long was replaced with some- knowing look, a small soft smile on his face, he was laying on Shuichi’s chest, bringing up a hand to play with his hair. Even as his fiance stared at him, Kokichi would not meet his eyes.
He was grateful for it.
“You’re doing great Shu…” Ah, the affirmations were back, “Take some more deep breaths. 4,7,8. Just like I taught you.”
He followed his fiancé’s advice, slipping his eyes shut and following the pattern with his breaths. The more he calmed down the more tired he felt. And as the breaths lulled him into a significantly better state, he found himself completely leaning into the headrest.
When his eyes fluttered open, Kokichi finally looked over at him, tilting his head to get a good look at Shuichi’s face still with that knowing smile, “Hi silly, how you doing?”
“B-better…” Shuichi admitted, weirding himself out with the sound of his own voice. Kokichi shifted in his lap. Pulling himself to his knees and resting his arm’s on Shuichi’s chest.
“You out of it?”
Shuichi nodded, earning a hum from the shorter.
“Good…”
Shuichi leaned forward, burying his face in Kokichi’s hair. His situation started really hitting him, tears pooling in his eyes as it did.
He- he freaked out, didn’t he? The one thing- the one thing he was trying to keep Kokichi from doing. He did it himself.
And ruined the whole party.
Kokichi must have felt the tears against his head, “Hey, hey, no tears.” He leaned away from Shuichi to cusp his cheek, “What’s going on? You were so happy this morning.”
“I-I r-ruined it d-didn’t I?” Shuichi whispered, hating how he leaned into his fiancé’s hand, soothed by the coolness of his ring, “Th-the p-party..?”
“Of course not…” Kokichi told him, rubbing a thumb across his cheek, “You didn’t ruin a thing. You didn’t answer my question. What has you so worked up, hm?”
He loved his fiance’s soft, sweet tone, a tone only reserved for him. It made it so easy- so easy to spill anything that was hurting, “I-“ And yet, the words were so difficult to spit out, “I- just wanted it to be perfect…”
“Shumai it was perfect.”
Shuichi threw himself out of Kokichi’s embrace, “Then why did you look so upset?!”
Kokichi seemed shock for a moment before his face delved into an seriousness matching Shuichi’s, “Because you looked like you were having an anxiety attack, dummy!”
It was Shuichi’s turn to be surprised, “I- what?”
“You were fine this morning,” Kokichi’s fist was clenched, words practically breaths, “But you looked so anxious during the party and it kept getting worse…”
No.
He caused it?
He watched his fiancé take a deep breath, calming himself down, “I was worried about you, silly. Things don’t usually end well when you get that pale.”
Shuichi looked down at his hand. He was really pale wasn’t he?
“I- I’m sorry…”
“You don’t have to be sorry,” Kokichi reiterated, “I just want to know why you didn’t tell me…”
“I didn’t know…” Shuichi admitted meekly, “I didn’t even realize I was panicking. I-I was so focused on trying to keep you from panicking.”
“Are you serious?” Kokichi sighed, “I was having a great time, Shu. There was no reason to be worried…”
“B-but what if…”
Kokichi leaned himself forward, letting Shuichi wrap his arms around him, “No what ifs. Not now, not ever. You shouldn’t worry so much…”
“B-but why…” Shuichi continued to drone, “You should’ve just ignored me… you should’ve just had fun.”
Kokichi’s arms fell to wrap around him, squeezing tightly, “Not happening. Ever. The last thing I’m going to do is ignore you. How am I supposed to have fun when you’re miserable, hm?”
Oh… Kaede had said something similar, hadn’t she?
“Sor-“
“Don’t.” Kokichi interrupted, “Lets sit here for a bit… you need to calm down a bit more.”
Shuichi nodded, watching Kokichi lean up to kiss him before snuggling back into his chest.
They sat in a comfortable silence for probably far too long. Maybe Shuichi’s mind would have usually been scolding itself, breaking and burning itself for ruining the party. But then, all he felt, all he thought, was peaceful, just wrapped in his lover’s embrace.
His eyes only fluttered open when the bedroom door creaked open.
Kokichi leaned up as well, turning his head to meet Shuichi’s gaze towards the pianist peeking through the door.
“Am I interrupting..?”
Shuichi shook his head as she started to enter, two slices of cake on paper plates in each hand and presents lines on her arms.
“You haven’t left?” Kokichi checked, rubbing at his eye as if he had been dozing off. Shuichi would certainly believe it.
Kaede set the cake down on the mahogany bedside table and the presents down on the floor, “We all cleaned up the party together. D.I.C.E. left after that was done, said they wanted you to text them their reactions to the gifts. Me and Rantaro stayed to make sure you guys were okay.” She looked over to Shuichi, smile softening, “You alright?”
Shuichi nodded, “Sorry for causing a scene…”
Kaede shook her head, “No one’s upset, we all could tell you were feeling a bit nervous. I should’ve said something- I’m sorry…”
“Don’t be,” Kokichi told her, earning Kaede’s attention.
“I think me and Taro are going to head home,” Kaede decided, patting Kokichi on the head, “happy birthday Kokichi!”
Kokichi waved as she exited towards the door, “Thanks Clair De Lunatic!”
Kaede stuck her tongue out, and closed the door.
Kokichi turned back to his lover, smile shifting into something gentle, “Feeling good?”
Shuichi nodded, though his gaze was directed at the presents, “I think I’d feel better if I got to see you open some gifts.”
Kokichi’s eyebrows furrowed, “You’re sure?”
“Its still your birthday,” Shuichi reminded him, grabbing the bag he was most familiar with, “No matter what happens.”
Kokichi stared intensely at him for a moment, before scooting back and grabbing the bag from him, “As long as you feel fine.”
“I do.” Shuichi smiled at his concern, he really had an adorable fiancé… how grateful could he be- seeing him stop everything to comfort Shuichi… “Consider this an… a-apology…”
“I already told you, you don’t have to-“
“I know… I want to though. I did still interrupt your party.”
Kokichi shook his head, a playful smile teasing his lips, “You sure you don’t want me to ‘save the best for last’?”
Shuichi fiddled with his fingers anxiously, “I-I’m too impatient for that…”
Kokichi laughed, checking one last time that his fiance looked calm before pulling the tissue paper out of the white bag. He reached inside, pulling out…
“The white roses from this morning?”
And yet now, they had pastel, glittering, blue and purple ribbons wrapped around their stems.
Shuichi could feel a confidence he had lost drastically, getting to see his fiance genuinely confused about what his present was, “They’re eternity roses. They last years after they’re cut. That means we can keep them for years after you use them.”
Kokichi raised an eyebrow, “Use them?”
Shuichi gave him a moment to dwell on it, stifling a laugh when his eyes widened and snapped down to it.
“They’re a-“
“Bouquet.” Shuichi finished for him, “One we can keep years after the wedding.”
“Shu…” Shuichi had never been happier to see tear’s in his lovers eyes as he clutched the roses to his chest, “Oh this is…”
He hiccuped, alarming Shuichi with how swiftly he got emotional. They were both feeling emotional, he supposed, after his impromptu breakdown.
Kokichi tackled himself into Shuichi’s arms, the bouquet falling softly on the bed as he wrapped his arms tightly around Shuichi. He leaned back to kiss him on the nose, the cheek, anywhere he could find.
Shuichi smiled. At least- he had redeemed himself, “Still think you’re going to want to do this next year.”
“Yes…” Kokichi breathed out, burying his face in Shuichi’s shoulder as he received a kiss to the head.
He leaned his fiance’s head back up to kiss him on the lips, “Happy birthday, Kokichi.”
Kokichi smiled into the kiss, leaning himself back to whisper, “I love you so much.”
Before Shuichi could even respond, that chipper tone was back, Kokichi jumping back and pulling up another present, “Now lets open more gifts for meee!”
“You just want to do you birthday again next year to get more gifts, huh?”
“Nishishi!”