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Sam is a lot more perceptive than people give him credit for. Like yeah, he spends all his time skating and shredding and playing video games, but it’s not because he isn’t smart. Those things are just fun.
When the new farmer comes to town, he develops a little crush along with pretty much everyone else in the valley. They’ve all been stuck with the same people for years, okay! But he gets over it quickly when it becomes apparent that she’s not into guys. They have a solid friend vibe, and he finally has someone to talk about skate punk with. Abigail and Sebastian love that hipster goth shit, which adds a cool element to the band’s sound, but sometimes he just wants to discuss the Ramones’ discography in depth.
Sam’s parents’ divorce was finalized the Fall before the farmer arrived, but his memory of their marriage is filled with far more unhappy years than not. His dad’s not a bad guy, but he was kind of a bad husband. Sam knows they got married young and his mom never really got a chance to enjoy the freedom of adulthood before parenting took up most of her time. (It’s a huge part of why he is so committed to being as unproductive as possible). It’s hard not to feel guilty sometimes, though he knows she loves him and Vincent. And since the split, she’d started to relax her shoulders a little bit more, to joke and smile with them while they do the dishes.
Now, Sam knows a few things: 1) Jodi is, according to Abigail, a “hot mom.” (This doesn’t bother him too much, since he could say the same about her mom and Sebastian’s. There must be something about the Valley air that keeps people young.) 2) A lot of the family dinner conversation has revolved around the farmer.
3) The farmer has made it clear that she considers the other eligible bachelorettes in town lacking in life experience, and has a thing for older women.
That being said, he is NOT prepared for his mom’s objectively terrible flirting. The farmer sidles up to Jodi with her most charming small talk and she stutters through her response: “What do I do for fun? Hmm... That's a good question. I like sleeping.”
It’s all he can do not to face-palm in the middle of the Egg festival.
“Sleeping! That’s cool. What’s your favorite white noise?”
Oh my god. The farmer is as hopeless as his mom. He cannot endure months of this painful banter. Something has to be done. Sam resigns himself to the daunting task of helping his mom get some.
The farmer starts to attend the exercise classes Abigail’s mom has in the back of the store, that no one other than the moms (and Emily, for some reason) go to. Jodi has a new pep in her step after each one, and Sam swears her flush is more pronounced than before, even though he knows that Caroline hasn’t changed up the cardio.
He’s working on his kickflips in front of the house one day and sees the farmer spend hours catching a largemouth bass. A fish that is, of course, the secret ingredient of Jodi’s famous casserole, which has always been reserved for birthdays and anniversaries. He thought it was bad enough when she brought that cauliflower over at nine in the morning just so his mom could make her “famous” yellow curry. (It’s not good, dude. But he can’t blame the farmer for that, and as a twenty-two year old man who still doesn’t cook for himself, Sam will continue to keep his mouth shut.)
Dinner with the farmer is kind of cute and kind of gross. Jodi is blushing, playfully shoving the farmer’s arm when she makes a silly comment. The farmer entertains Vince with little magic tricks and tales of the mines, and she and Sam jam out after dinner. It’s a perfectly charming evening, and Sam can see his mom smile that it’s gone so well.
That doesn’t mean he won’t give the farmer a little shit about it at the next pool night, handing her a rare 7 inch he got online of The Bouncing Souls’ “I Like Your Mom.”
“Thought you might like this one.” He hands it over with an eye roll.
She laughs out loud. “Does this mean I have your blessing?”
“My mom deserves to have some fun, and you’re the first person she’s liked since the divorce.” He pauses, considering his words. “If you hurt her, you will never again know peace.”
“I wouldn’t dream of it. Jodi is really special.” Sam sees full-ass hearts in the farmer’s eyes.
“You should cook for her. No one has done that for her in years. She loves chocolate cake. And she HATES daffodils and dandelions, learned that the hard way on Mother’s Day when I was a kid.”
“Duly noted.”
“And make sure you wipe your shoes when it’s been raining, it drives her nuts when anyone tracks in mud.”
“Can do.”
“Vincent loves grapes and snails. He hates horseradish and clay. He still idolizes our dad but he knows that mom isn’t ever going to get back with him, so he won’t be too hard to win over.”
“Well alrighty then. Thanks, Sam. You’re a good guy.”
Sam could swear the farmer skips out the door of the saloon, Ina Garten’s chocolate cake recipe pulled up on the search bar of her phone.
———————
There must be some sort of Sapphic magic floating through the valley, or else everyone has always been gay and Sam just never noticed it? Anyway, now that his eyes are open to the farmer and his mom, other signs proliferate.
Haley (Haley!?!) sits next to Abigail on the couch during their weekly pool night, and doesn’t say anything mean to him or Sebastian. She and Abigail talk all night, huddled close. Abigail is so wrapped up that she doesn’t once shit talk Sam’s pool playing, and Sam is famously terrible at pool.
When Haley shows up at band practice the following week, Sam pulls Abigail into the kitchen.
“Okay, WHAT is going on with you and Haley.”
“Nothing! I think? I don’t know, we had a moment in the woods where she saw me playing my flute and I saw her taking pictures, and it turns out she’s not just a huge bitch and now I can’t stop thinking about how pretty she is.”
“Dude, she obviously likes you. Haley thinks the saloon is disgusting and she hung out with you there for two hours. And no one would sit through one of our practices without an ulterior motive.”
“I can hear you, you know” Haley announces as she strolls into the room. Abigail looks near about to faint. “And Sam’s right. Your band kind of sucks. I am literally only here because you’re stupid hot and I want you to step on me.” Abigail is doing an excellent impression of a land-washed pufferfish.
“That’s our cue” Seb says as he pulls Sam outside.
“Dude! I live here!”
“Trust me bro, we’re not gonna want to be around for this.”
Sam tries not to think too hard about the sounds they hear as they close the door. (In retrospect, the “hot mom” comment could have given him a clue about Abigail.)
———————-
Penny likes to read by the community center, and tells Sam that yesterday she saw the farmer and Jodi sneak in, giggling. They re-emerged an hour later, decidedly more disheveled. He so didn’t need to hear that, but he can’t help but be a little happy for them both.
Abigail tells him that the farmer bought a bouquet at the shop, and he knows it’s only a matter of time before he sees it on the vase in the kitchen. He’s okay with it, really. Things are finally shaping up for the band to move to the city next year and he’s glad his mom won’t lack for company. Plus Vincent is really excited to have another grownup around, especially one who seems to love snails as much as he does.
The band is starting to suck less, even by Haley’s standards. Abigail didn’t even plant the photo shoot idea into her head, Haley offers it to them of her own accord. And it’s… great? She has a real knack for capturing their energy, and the response rate from bookers skyrockets once they have the pictures.
“You’re really awesome at this, Haley. You could be a professional photographer.” This may be the first sincerely nice thing Sam has ever had occasion to say to Haley. He doesn’t hate it.
“Whatever. No one in this town even has an instagram, your opinions don’t count for much.” But Sam sees the pleased twinkle in her eye and catches the whispering between her and Abigail on the drive back from Zuzu.
It’s well past midnight when Sam lets himself in. The farmer and his mom have fallen asleep on the couch, illuminated by the blue glow of the credits menu from The ZuZu City Express. He pulls the blanket up over them both, kisses his mom on the forehead, and washes the dishes in the sink before crawling into bed. He sends a text to the hot sound girl from the venue they played tonight. As it turns out, Haley makes an excellent wingwoman.