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Lance’s first foray into the dating scene was in eighth grade. Jenny Garcia. The most popular girl in the school, with almond eyes and long brown hair always tied into a high pony with a pink scrunchie. Lance had been on top of the world. They’d gone to the winter carnival dance together. Lance had bought her a corsage, and she’d left him two songs in to dance with Kenny Herrara.
It. Was. Devastating.
Nevertheless, he persevered. In ninth grade, Lance fell in love again, this time with Kelly Futano. It had been a whirlwind summer romance, like Sandy and Danny, only when the summer ended she left him to go back to her ex-boyfriend and never spoke to him again.
Yeah, that had stung.
In eleventh grade, Lance met Sunshine Riley. She lived up to her name. Blond hair, brown eyes, and a personality like a pit viper. They’d lasted all the way to senior year, until she broke up with him because she didn’t like their chances of winning the prom court.
Which turned out okay, because Lance turned his hurt into studying for the Garrison. And yeah, being hurled into space to enter into a ten-thousand-year-old space war did throw a wrench into his search for the future Mrs. McClain. But, Lance was an optimist, and so he mended his plans. Now, he was looking for the next Mrs. Blue Lion.
To varying success.
Yeah, getting rejected by Allura was embarrassing. And Nyma. And Plaxum. And…well, you get the point. Lance was nothing if not persistent, though. It was one of his best qualities. Knock him down, and he’ll just bounce right up. Cats might have nine lives, but that was nothing compared to Lance’s ego.
Currently, they were on the planet Rygar. They’d liberated the planet earlier in the day, and now they were celebrating. Enthusiastically. With a lot of liquor. Lance was sat at the bar between two women. They had long, defined limbs and impossibly colored skin that seemed to change its pattern every time Lance blinked. Their eyes were like diamonds. Lance was a little bit in love. And more than a little bit drunk.
“You’re so brave, Paladin Lance,” one of the girls purred, running her hands through his hair. Lance thought her name was Shara. Sarah? Maybe also Ily. “Tell me, do they always pick the most handsome of your species for such roles?”
Lance preened, his face flushing hot. “Ha, no. Though our crew is weirdly attractive.”
“We would love to see your lion, Paladin Lance,” the other said, suggestively running her hand up Lance’s arm. “It would be a great spot for some quiet and…” she closed the short distance between them and whispered in his ear, “alone time…”
“Lance.”
A familiar and annoying voice came from behind them, and Lance’s shoulders slumped as his mouth twisted into a scowl on instinct. The interruption could only mean one thing. Sure enough, there Keith was, arms crossed and that ever-present half-grumpy, half-constipated look marring his features.
“Keith,” he replied, mimicking the other boy’s grouchy tone and features. “Wassup?”
“It’s time to go,” he said shortly, his brows knitting slightly as his gaze jumped between the two women.
“Aw, c’mon!” Lance whined, “We just sat down.”
Keith looked unimpressed. He usually did. “It’s almost dawn. We’ve been trying to page you for the past varga.”
Well. Time flies, and all that. Lance sighed and stood. He turned back to the girls, who were pouting unhappily. Lance felt a pang of regret.
“Sorry, ladies. Duty calls.”
He threw his arm around Keith’s shoulders, which the other boy accepted begrudgingly. Now that he was up, Lance realized he was a lot more drunk than he’d previously thought. Like, a lot.
“Jesus, Lance, how much did you drink?” Keith swore as they all but stumbled out of the bar.
Lance groaned. “They kept buying me drinks! Would’ve been rude to say ‘ no .”
“Who even were those girls?”
“Tegan and Sarah—no, Stevie and Ily, ugh, I don’t remember now. Stop, I’m going to throw up.” they did, and he did, quite thoroughly. It was disgusting, but he did feel a lot better after the fact.
“Jesus, Lance,” Keith repeated, with emphasis.
Lance spat and grimaced. “Shh, don’t tell him, he’ll tell my mami and she’d be ripshit,” he half-joked. “Man, those drinks were strong. How’re you upright right now?”
“I didn’t have any,” Keith replied, his hands on his hips, and Lance got flashbacks to his mother finding him in similar states. “Which I’m glad about, now.”
Lance wagged his finger vaguely in Keith’s direction. “That’s your problem, right there,” he said, more slurred than sage.
“What? That I’m not bent over a pile of my own puke right now?”
Lance narrowed his eyes. “No! That you don’t know how to have fun! Let loose! You’re too uptight, man, you’ve got to have some fun. You’re like a robot sometimes.”
“I’m not a robot!” Keith protested grumpily.
“Oh, yeah? Name one emotion.”
Keith glared. “Anger.”
Lance rolled his eyes. “Seriously, when was the last time you just loose? Just had fun, for the sake of it, without worrying about consequences?”
“We have to worry about consequences, Lance,” Keith all but growled, “We’re in the middle of a war.”
“So we’re just not supposed to live? Give me a break, man. I’m going to get to the castle and Hunk will give me his sober-up soup and I’ll be totally fine. It’s not that big of a deal. One night of fun wouldn’t kill you.”
“Are you having fun right now, Lance? Really?” Keith asked, his voice heavy with something that Lance was far too drunk to decipher.
Lance squinted up at him. “Um, yes?”
After a minute, Keith just sighed, and helped Lance to his feet.
Lance patted his chest. “We’re gonna get you to loosen up, buddy. It’s my new mission.”
“Why don’t you just worry about getting back to the castle without puking again.”
They did, and Keith deposited Lance on the couch. He disappeared, and then came back after a few minutes with Hunk, who took one look at Lance and tutted unhappily. Lance held out his arms with a sloppy grin.
“Hunky!”
“Lance. This isn’t going to be like that time after midterms when you threw up in my shoes, is it?” Hunk asked solemnly.
“Ugh, no. I’m fine, Keith is just a worrywart.”
Hunk just sighed. “I’ll go get the soup.”
He left to do so, and Keith hesitated for a moment before gingerly sitting in the chair across from Lance.
“See? Told you he’s the best,” Lance said, triumphant.
Keith’s face was inscrutable. It was a good face, for a guy. Long, dark eyelashes that framed his impossible purple eyes. Perfect skin, bowed lips that so rarely smiled but, man, when they did. Any girl would be lucky to have him. Lance was so lucky to have him as a friend. Keith was so great.
“Lance, are you okay?” Keith asked quietly.
Lance blinked, surprised. “‘M not gonna throw up again,” he mumbled, not quite sure what Keith meant.
From the look on Keith’s face, it wasn’t the answer he was looking for. He was interrupted from saying anything else when Hunk returned, carrying a bowl of steaming soup. The smell was truly revolting, but it had, like, Harry Potter-level magical qualities. Lance accepted it, grimacing around the first bite. “Ugh. Cheers. Thanks, Hunk.”
“Anytime, buddy,” the Yellow Paladin reassured him.
“He’s your problem now, Hunk. Try to get some sleep.” Keith said as he stood.
Lance watched him go, sipping on his soup. He felt like he’d missed something important, but he had no idea what it was.
“Hunk?”
The paladin in question tilted his head acknowledgingly. He had taken Keith’s seat and was curled around his book. “Hmm?”
“We need to get Keith laid.”
Hunk choked on his spit, his face turning red as a fire engine. “Lance! Oh my god!”
Lance fell back against the couch, clutching the empty bowl to his chest. Yeah, that was a good solution. Keith needed to loosen up, have fun. He needed to get laid. Lance could help him with that. Lance was a good friend. It wouldn’t be hard, anyway. Keith was the Red Paladin. He was smart and funny, if you liked humor dryer than the Sahara, and he was fit. Pretty good-looking, too, at least, Lance thought all the girls would think so. He didn’t notice things like that, not about boys, and certainly not about Keith. But Keith had nice eyes and big hands and lots of muscles. Girls were probably into that stuff.
What did Lance know? He wasn’t a girl.
Lance fell asleep like that. When he woke up, he was in his own bed, still wearing his gross clothes. He smelled rank, but he wasn’t hungover. Truly, space magic. He stumbled to the shower, dropping clothes as he went. He grimaced at his reflection in the mirror. Nothing that his twelve-step skincare routine couldn’t fix, but he was still a sight to behold with pillow marks on his cheek, truly fantastic bedhead, and bags you could carry your groceries in. The latter was not resulting from the previous night. Lance had been having trouble sleeping for a while. Not since they’d got to space, but maybe since it had sunk in that they wouldn’t be going home anytime soon. That was two years ago now. It wasn’t that he didn’t sleep. It was that he had nightmares. Horrible, nonsensical dreams that lacked a central enemy but were thick with a sense of panic and fear that choked him. He woke up and thought he was going to die, or maybe that he was already dead, and he’d lay there, paralyzed with fear for what felt like hours, feeling like he’d just run a marathon.
Most nights, it just wasn’t worth it to go to sleep.
Lance took his time in the shower and then went through his routine. He exfoliated, he treated, he moisturized, and, when he was done, he winked at himself in the mirror.
Much better.
Lance dressed and started down the hall to breakfast. Keith was ahead of him, so Lance jogged to catch up. The Red Paladin was rumpled and frowning unhappily. He wasn’t much of a morning person, Lance knew.
“Don’t think I’ve forgotten about last night,” Lance said by way of greeting.
Keith jumped, startled, and then scowled. “What?”
“We’re gonna find a way to loosen you up!” Lance reminded him as they began to walk, “We’re gonna make you have fun, whether you want to or not.”
“Vaguely threatening.” Keith rumbled, “For the last time, I have fun. Please don’t drag me into another one of your hair-brained schemes.”
Lance squawked indignantly. “Hey! I have the best schemes. Besides, I had a great idea.” He waited patiently, grinning when, after a moment, Keith begrudgingly grunted, a sign for him to continue. “We need to get you a boo thang!”
Keith stopped in his tracks, his face immediately flushing red, red, red, his jaw dropped in…surprise? Horror? Happiness? The Red Paladin released a series of unintelligible, pained sounds. After a minute of this, he eventually spluttered out, “Lance,” in a tone that was not as happy and appreciative as the paladin in question had wanted.
“C’mon, man, when was the last time you got laid? It’ll be good for you!” Lance insisted, patting him on the back.
Keith shrugged him off, still looking at Lance like he’d suggested the way to defeat the Galra would be to dress in hula skirts and dance the macarena (a good distraction tactic? He’d have to remember that.)
“I’m done with this conversation,” Keith informed him tightly, and then spun on his heel to hurry away.
Lance followed close behind. “Keith! We’re having a bonding moment! Dude, there’s no reason to be shy. I know a lot of chicks who are totally down for your whole dark and broody thing. They don’t even know the mullet is out of date! We can totally find someone to jump your emo bones!”
Keith made a noise like a wounded pig. Lance would know. He grew up on a farm. He threw open the door to the dining room, effectively ending the conversation for the moment. The rest of the team was gathered at the table. They looked up with varying levels of interest at their entrance. Lance sat next to Hunk and eagerly filled his bowl. It was the purple goo today, his favorite. Keith pointedly didn’t take his seat beside him, choosing instead to sit next to Shiro. He made the mistake of meeting Lance’s gaze, and the latter waggled his eyebrows suggestively. Keith ducked his head and steadfastly refused to look at him for the rest of the meal.
“What’s on the agenda today, Princess?” Shiro asked when they were finished eating, to the groans and protests of the rest of the group.
Allura beamed. “I’m so glad you asked! I was thinking we could do some hand-to-hand training today. Something a bit easier after our late night.”
Lance scoffed inwardly. Easier, sure. Maybe for the warrior princess. Lance liked long-range weapons for a reason, and that reason was an aversion to physical exertion. And also grappling with his sweaty teammates. It was a breakout waiting to happen.
Keith and Shiro, of course, looked delighted. Lance was gratified to see that Pidge and Hunk appeared as unenthusiastic as he felt. Still, there was no arguing with Allura. It was best just to get it over with. Besides, it would be the perfect opportunity to talk to Keith without him being able to run away. Lance’s mood improved slightly at the thought.
“Dibs on Keith!” he cried. He grinned wickedly to see the horror dawn on the other boy’s face.
“No! I mean, I was hoping Shiro and I could be together, Princess,” Keith protested weakly.
Shiro clapped Keith on the shoulder, either oblivious to his brother’s struggle or just indifferent. “No, I think you and Lance should be partners. It’s something different, and you work well together. There were some things I wanted to work on with Hunk, anyway.”
The expression on Keith’s could only be described as long-suffering, which Lance took enormous offense to. He was a delight to be around! Keith should have been jumping for joy.
The group begrudgingly made their way to the training room. Allura and Shiro made excited small talk as they all stretched. Something about a planet and the alliance. Lance was too busy trying to catch Keith’s attention to pay them any mind. Keith resolutely ignored him, until the group split up and he couldn’t anymore. They were far enough away from the others that they could talk without being interrupted. Keith faced him with a scowl, and Lance smirked playfully.
“So, you come here often?”
Keith lunged at him in response. They grappled. It was thanks to a lot of training on Lance’s part that Keith actually had to try to take him down. Lance didn’t have Keith’s strength or experience, but he more than made up for it with speed and dirty tricks.
“What’s your type, anyway? Are we talking Daphne from Scooby Doo or more like Wednesday Addams?” Lance asked, feinting and hitting Keith in the side.
The other boy’s face went bright red, and Lance didn’t think it was from exertion. “We’re not talking about this,” Keith hissed, his hit sloppy in his surprise and embarrassment. Lance easily dodged it.
“C’mon, man!” Lance whined, “I thought we were friends now. Friends tell each other who they want to bone! You can’t tell me you haven’t met a single hot person in space!”
Lance swept Keith’s legs out from under him, and they tussled on the floor for a while until Lance came out victorious, pinning Keith beneath with a whoop. Lance couldn’t help the grin that spread across his face. Keith was still flushed from the neck up, looking like a very angry tomato with a bad haircut.
“Tell me,” Lance insisted.
“No.”
“Tell me tell me tellmetellmetellmete—"
“OKAY!” Keith cried. He took a steadying breath, and narrowed his eyes. “If I tell you will you get off of me?”
Lance considered it for a moment. “Deal.”
Keith hesitated. “There is…someone.”
“I knew it!” Lance crowed excitedly. He leaned down so they could whisper without being overheard, their noses almost brushing. “Who is it?”
Keith swallowed, and Lance tracked the movement without thinking. This close, he could smell the space coffee Keith had drank for breakfast, see the darkening of his pupils set against his unique purple irises.
“I can’t tell you.”
Lance pouted. “That wasn’t the deal,” he protested.
“I can’t tell you, because, um…”
He trailed off, and Lance’s eyes grew wide. “Because it’s someone I know ?” he summarized.
Keith paused before answering, his expression inscrutable. “Er, yeah. Yeah, it is. Will you let me go now?”
“It’s one of the Blade, isn’t it?! They’ve all got that tall, dark, could-kill-you-with-their-pinky thing, which is pretty hot. Oh my god, Keith! This is so exciting! We have to get you together!”
“Not happening.”
“What? Why not!”
“Because they don’t like me like that,” Keith replied, annoyed.
“Dude! You can’t know that. You’re a total catch! And you’re the Red Paladin. The ladies are lining up at your door, you just gotta let them in.”
Lance blinked, and found himself on his back, staring up at Keith’s scowling face.
“Just drop it, Lance.” Keith ordered, and turned on his heel to walk away.
Lance scrambled to his feet, hurrying to match Keith’s quick, determined pace. “No way! I told you, this is my mission now. You could have any girl you want, your issue is just confidence! We’ll work on it! I’ll show you all my moves and we’ll hit the town and by the end of the night you’ll have a harem and the ladies—”
Keith stopped so abruptly that Lance almost ran into him. He spun around, his hands in the air.
“I don’t want any ladies, Lance!” he yelled, “I’m gay, oh my GOD!”
The room went quiet. Even the mice stopped squeaking. Zarkon could’ve appeared wearing nothing but a feather boa and still couldn’t have stolen Lance’s attention away from Keith, whose face was growing whiter and whiter by the tick. Lance could see that he was two seconds from bolting, and so he blurted out the first thing his recently-blown mind could come up with.
“Kolivan is kinda hot, I guess,”
Silence. Keith’s jaw was nearly on the floor. Lance didn’t dare look at the rest of the team for their reactions. He could feel their judgment already.
“You did not just say that,” Keith said after a long, tortuous moment, “Lance. Why.”
“That was pretty bad, dude,” Hunk commented from across the room.
Lance threw his hands up, “I panicked! Sorry! It’s cool, being gay is cool! We can work with that!”
“Sorry, what is happening right now?” Shiro interrupted.
“Nothing!” Lance and Keith chorused.
Allura pursed her lips, her hands on her hips. “If you two are done training, Coran mentioned that he needed the pods cleaned.”
It was clear that she wasn’t suggesting. Lance’s shoulders slumped. Keith glared at him and Lance stuck out his tongue. He knew it was juvenile, but so was Keith’s face. Coran hurried over to them, throwing his arms around their shoulders and steering them out of the training room.
“I’m so glad for your help, boys! These pods are due for a good scrubbing. If my grandpappy could see them, he’d faint! There’s nothing like a day of manual labor to make you really appreciate your quarters. Why, as a young whippersnapper myself, I—”
Lance tuned him out pretty quickly. Normally he was more than happy to listen to Coran yammer on. He actually enjoyed a lot of the man’s stories. He reminded him of his Uncle Jamie. But Lance was still reeling from Keith’s revelation.
It’s not that Lance was homophobic! He had a gay friend back home. Charlie was funny and effeminate, and Lance totally loved him, but he and Keith were so different. Keith was so cool. He wore fingerless gloves and muscle shirts and—okay, in hindsight, he supposed that the clues were there. There was nothing wrong with it, but something about Keith being gay niggled at him. It was like a loose tooth. It didn’t hurt, didn’t bother him. But he couldn’t stop poking at the thought. Oh quiznack, was he homophobic? Was that why he was so obsessed with the idea? Lance was a terrible friend! No wonder Keith hadn’t told him! He was basically one step down from a Republican. He had to make it up to him. He would get Keith together with his crush. That was something a supportive friend would do!
Coran set them up with buckets of soapy water, and left them to their work. Keith seemed more than happy to keep ignoring him, but Lance wasn’t going to stand for it. He was going to prove what a supportive ally he was whether Keith liked it or not.
“So, penises, huh?” he said eventually, keeping his voice casual.
Keith looked five ticks away from drowning himself in his bucket. “Excuse me?”
“I don’t know, man! I’m trying to have a conversation here!”
“Please don’t.”
Lance held up his sponge threateningly. “This is a bonding moment! Deal with it!”
“We really don’t have to do this. It’s not a big deal.”
“You just came out to me! That is a huge deal. Let me be supportive of you!”
Keith shot him a withering glare. “It’s not like I was keeping it a secret or anything. I thought everyone knew.”
Lance wrung out his sponge with more force than was strictly necessary. “How was I supposed to know? You never talk about this stuff.”
“It’s not relevant. We’re in the middle of a war. We’ve all got bigger things to focus on than romance.”
Lance clutched a hand to his chest, ignoring the wet spot it left on his t-shirt. “There is always time for romance. Let your boy Lancy-Lance help you out, man.”
Keith had given up on the pretense of pretending to clean. “Why are you being so insistent on this?”
“Because!”
“Because why? ”
“Because you deserve to be happy, Keith!” Lance cried. He flushed immediately. “I mean, you’re my friend, man. Our lives are insane. We could die at any moment. We shouldn’t have to put off experiencing life while we have the chance.”
Keith stared at him. For a second, Lance was afraid he was going to run away again. Instead, he just said, “Okay.”
Lance blinked. “Okay?”
“Yeah. Whatever.” Keith said, like he was agreeing to who was going to do the dishes, not letting Lance meddle with his dating life.
Lance beamed. “Yes! Oh man, this is going to be great. But Keith, you’ve got to promise me one thing,”
Keith leveled him with an unimpressed look. “What.”
Lance batted his eyes, hand on his heart. “We can’t fall in love with each other.”
He wasn’t even surprised when Keith dumped his bucket over his head. They had a lot of work to do.
｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆
Lance worked on plan Get Keith A Boo-Thang over the next movement. There weren’t a lot of opportunities to put it into action. Not long after they’d finished cleaning the pods, Allura had announced that they were en route to planet Elenormi. It was a planet rich in an otherwise rare metal called Cruoan, which was apparently essential for the castle’s electrical systems. Lance wasn’t really sure of the logistics. Pidge and Hunk seemed excited by the science, anyway. The quintant was filled with meetings and schmoozing, Lance’s least favorite things, and would end with a celebration, his favorite thing.
It had been easy to secure the alliance. They were in a quadrant that they’d already done a lot of work in, so the Elenormi were familiar with them already. Unfortunately, they had a lot of traditions and ceremonies that they had to work through. Over the course of the quintant, Lance had eaten live bugs, fought a lion/hippo hybrid with only a sword, and kissed so many hands his lips went numb. In short, he was ready to get drunk. He’d more than earned it.
Lance made his way back from the bar, fighting through the crowd with his spoils held high above his head. Keith eyed his drink with more than a little bit of suspicion when Lance plopped it on the table in front of him.
“What is that?” he asked.
“Alcohol.”
“What kind of alcohol?”
“Does it matter? More than that, do you really want to know?”
Keith frowned, his nose scrunching adorably. “I guess not.” he took a cautious sip, and immediately his eyes began to water as he spluttered and hacked.
Lance yelped, barely dodging the spray. “Dude!”
“That’s so much worse than nunvill!” Keith coughed.
Lance warily sniffed the drink. It smelled like strawberries, which had seemed good at the time. He took a sip and gasped as the taste hit him, burning his sinuses and his throat as he bent over at the waist. “Quiznack,” he gasped.
“Why would you drink it? I just told you it was awful?”
“I didn’t want to have to wait in line again,” Lance replied mournfully, wiping at his eyes. “Ugh. Wait here.”
Trying to fight through the crowd was like trying to swim through a riptide. By the time Lance got to the bar, he was sweaty, pissed, and thirsty. There was an empty seat, and he claimed it immediately, signaling the bartender. An attractive alien made their way over. He was short but muscular, with long purple hair tied up in a bun and obsidian eyes. He’d been the one to serve Lance the drinks initially, which put him on Lance’s shit list for the moment.
“Hey! You’re back. Another round?” he asked.
“No, that stuff was awful,” Lance complained. “Do you have anything that doesn’t taste like expired paint thinner?”
The alien frowned. “I don’t know what ‘paint thinner’ is, but I think I can find you something a bit sweeter, if that’s what you’re looking for?”
Thank god. “Yeah, two of whatever you’d recommend that’s the opposite of what you recommended the first time.” Lance told him.
The bartender laughed. It was a deep, musical sound. Was this guy Keith’s type? Lance couldn’t help but wonder. He was attractive, objectively, and obviously had a good sense of humor if he found Lance funny. And he had biceps like boulders. Keith might be into that.
The alien slid two drinks Lance’s way. They were pink, with a yellow flower floating in them. He took a small sip, and grinned. They were fruity and creamy. Perfect.
“These are great, thanks!”
“My pleasure. Sorry I got it wrong the first time.”
Lance pulled out his wallet, and the bartender stopped him with a wave of his hand. Lance raised an incredulous brow. “Are you sure?”
The alien smiled crookedly, revealing a row of gleaming teeth. “On the house. Cute guys like you shouldn’t have to pay for their drinks.”
Lance’s stomach flipped, and he felt himself flush. “Oh, uh, thanks…”
“My name’s Halmar. But you can call me anytime.” he said, and then he winked. Actually winked. Lance would’ve laughed, but his mouth had gone dry.
“Er, Halmar. My name’s Lance.”
Halmar leaned across the bar, tendrils of loose hair brushing softly against his sharp cheekbones. “Oh, I know, Blue Paladin. I was hoping I’d get the chance to meet you while you were here. My shift gets off in two vargas. Maybe I could show you some spots in the city?”
Lance ducked his head, “That sounds…great, but I’m actually here with someone.”
Halmar drew back immediately, his blue skin darkening in what Lance guessed was a blush. “Oh! My apologies. I didn’t realize that you and the Red Paladin were together. I didn’t mean any offense.”
“No worries, dude, I just don’t wanna leave him hanging, you know?” Lance grinned, and the alien smiled shyly back. Lance thanked him and returned to the table where Keith was still waiting.
“Do you think the bartender is hot?” he asked by way of greeting.
Keith shot him a withering glare. “What?”
“I think he was flirting with me. Do you think he’s hot?”
Keith sighed wearily. “Are we really still on this?”
“Yes. Answer the question.”
Keith squinted through the crowd in the direction of the bar, where Halmar was just barely visible. “He’s okay, I guess.”
Lance hummed in acknowledgment, sipping at his drink. Much better. “If not him, who do you think is hot? What about the guy behind us?”
“He’s fine.”
“What about his friend?”
“Lance.”
“Okay, okay. What about that dude on your six?” Keith paused, and Lance crowed victoriously. “Oh my god, you totally do! Dude, you gotta go hit him up. He’s been eyeing you, like, the whole night. He’s looking at you the way Hunk looks at pizza.” Keith buried his face in his arms with a groan. Lance nudged him encouragingly, grinning around his drink. “Dude! You should tap that.”
Keith glared up at him. “I’m not going to tap anything.”
“Why not?”
“Because I told you, I already have someone I’m…interested in.”
“What, so you won’t bang anyone else? Aw, Keith! That’s so sweet. You have a heart boner.”
“I’m going to shove my bayard down your throat,” Keith threatened.
Lance waggled his eyebrows suggestively. “Kinky.”
To Lance’s delight and surprise, the alien in question approached their table. He was the same race as Halmar, but a lot taller and lankier, with shorter, curlier hair. Lance could see his friends waving him on, hooting at him encouragingly.
“Um, hi,” the alien said, rubbing the back of his neck, “my name’s Javit. I don’t normally do this, but I was wondering if you wanted to dance?” he asked Keith, who shot Lance a look that could only be read as an emphatic help me.
Lance rolled his eyes and threw his arm around his friend’s shoulder. “Sorry, Javit, but I’m afraid he’s not available,” he said, as kindly as he could.
Javit’s shoulders slumped in defeat, and he smiled weakly. “Oh! Okay, sorry.”
He retreated with his very non-metaphorical tail tucked between his legs, and Lance watched him go with no little bit of pity. He turned back to Keith.
“That was the perfect opportunity to practice your flirting, and you blew it. We’re gonna have to resort to drastic measures.”
“What do you mean?” Keith asked suspiciously.
Lance grinned. “Hit me with your best line. Pretend I’m this guy you’re mooning over and give it to me.”
Keith took a long gulp of his drink, draining his glass and wrinkling his brow. “No.”
“Yes. Here, I’ll start.” Lance took a breath, and set his brow in his best smoldering look. “Baby, are you an asteroid?” he paused for dramatic effect. Keith looked like he was in pain. “‘Cause that ass is out of this world.”
“That’s the corniest thing you’ve ever said, and that’s saying something.”
Lance pouted dramatically. “Then you come up with a better one!” he demanded.
“I’m not drunk enough for this,” Keith muttered. He grabbed his first drink and, to Lance’s horror, downed it all in one. Keith shuddered, wiping at his mouth with the back of his hand. He met Lance’s eyes with a steely gaze. “Did we go to school together?” he leaned across the table, and Lance waited with bated breath. “Because I swear we have chemistry.”
Lance sank back into his seat, cackling. “That’s awful! Hey, touch my shirt,” he held out his arm, waving it suggestively until Keith begrudgingly did. Lance smiled slyly. “Pretty soft, right? It’s made out of boyfriend material.”
Keith made a show of wiping his hands on his pants. “On a scale of one to ten, you’re a nine.” Lance made a noise of protest, and Keith continued. “I’m the one you need.”
“Did you invent the airplane? Because you’re clearly Mr. Wright.”
“Do you like Star Wars? Because Yoda one for me.”
Lance’s laughter stopped abruptly. “Keith. Oh my god, you’re a nerd!”
The other boy crossed his arms, his cheeks pink from the alcohol and embarrassment. “So?”
“It’s the best thing ever. Star Wars or Star Trek?”
“Neither. Firefly.”
“That’s not even an option! Its legacy doesn’t even compare .”
“I don’t care,” Keith replied stubbornly, “it’s just better. It’s a cult classic. Star Wars got too mainstream and Star Trek went on for too long.”
“You’re worse than a nerd,” Lance accused, “you’re a geek. This week has been very revealing.”
“We all play Monsters and Mana, Lance, I don’t think you have any room to judge,”
Lance threw up his hands. “Not judging! Just surprised, is all. When we were in the Garrison I never would’ve guessed that you’d be so, well…”
Keith raised a thick brow. “What?”
“So you,” Lance replied, gesturing to Keith’s everything. “I feel like I missed out. We could’ve been friends for so much longer, man.”
If it was possible, Keith flushed even deeper. “We couldn’t have been friends in the Garrison. I was an asshole and I thought you were annoying.”
“Hey!”
Keith rolled his eyes. “I’m glad we’re friends now. I wasn’t…the Garrison was a hard time for me. I wouldn’t have been a good friend to you.”
They were quiet for a moment. When Lance spoke, his voice was softer, lips loosened with alcohol and familiarity. “Maybe you’re right. I wouldn’t want to change anything if it meant we didn’t end up here. But I wish you hadn’t been so alone, when Shiro disappeared. I wish someone had been there for you. I wish I had been there for you.”
Keith stared back at him, his eyes wide and dark. “Thanks, Lance.”
Lance felt something warm worm its way up his stomach and into his chest. He slapped the table, breaking the moment, and cleared his throat. “Phew! Think it’s time for another one, Mullet?”
It was a good night. Somehow, they managed to get roped into a drinking game with the table over. Unfortunately for them, the aliens had a much better stomach for the nunvill-like alcohol than they did. Fortunately for Lance, drunk Keith was fun. He was Keith without the scowl. All of the daring, devil-may-care attitude and none of the responsibility. Lance even managed to get him onto the dance floor, grabbing his hips and showing him how to dance to the music. They laughed so hard that they almost knocked each other over. Not a lot of actual dancing was done. Keith was warm and solid where he wrapped around Lance. The funny feeling didn’t leave him all night. It must’ve been a side-effect of the alcohol. It felt like that, anyway. All light-headed and bubbly and confusing. He cut himself off after a couple of drinks, but it didn’t go away.
Four vargas later found them stumbling back to the castle, loudly shushing each other as they made their way to their adjacent rooms. Keith’s arm was wrapped around his waist, supporting each other's weight as they went. Keith knocked over a vase, and it clattered to the floor. They stared at each other in horror, and then burst into giggles.
“Shhhh, oh my god, Keith, ” Lance hissed, shoving him down the hall.
“It was in the way,” Keith slurred, allowing himself to be led without complaint.
They made it to their rooms, eventually. Lance watched in drunken interest as Keith fumbled with his keypad. Without thinking, he said, “You know, if this was a date, this would be the part where we’d kiss.”
The warmth in his chest grew into heat in his face as Keith slowly turned to face him, his mouth soft and pouted. “Um…what?”
Lance hurriedly turned to face his own door, scrambling to punch in his code. “N-nothing! Just more dating tips! Goodnight!”
If he could have slammed the door behind him, he would. Unfortunately, as it was, he watched as it slowly slid shut on Keith’s confused face. Lance threw himself on his bed.
What. The. Quiznack.
Unsurprisingly, Lance found it hard to sleep that night. The image of Keith standing in front of his door refused to leave his mind. What had he been thinking? He really needed to lay off the alcohol. Maybe Hunk was right. Lance had done some stupid shit while drunk, but propositioning Keith definitely took the cake. First of all, Lance was straight. Straight as an arrow, a tree, solid like a Roman column! Second of all, Keith was his friend and, hello, he had the hots for someone else. Not that that even mattered because, again, Lance was very, very heterosexual.
Boobs. He thought. Women. Yeah, see? He paused, and hesitantly added, penis? Egh. No. That did nothing for him. Unbidden, another thought came to his mind. Long dark hair. Sharp, violet eyes. Keith? The warm feeling returned to his chest. Lance muffled a groan into his pillow.
He was just drunk. And confused. He’d been thinking too much about Keith’s sexuality and it was messing with him. He’d be better in the morning. Hopefully, this would all be a hazy, mostly-forgotten memory by then.
Thanks to the not-nunvill, when he woke up the next morning with a splitting headache, it almost was.
Lance knocked on Keith’s door, leaning against the frame with his head on his arm. Why were the lights so goddamn bright?
“Keith,” he called hoarsely. There was no response, and he knocked again more insistently.
It opened, revealing a pale, bedraggled Keith. His hair had, at one point, probably been in a ponytail. Now, it was a mess that would make a small family of birds very happy. He was wearing the same shirt as the night before, a pair of boxers, and a sole sock. Lance felt for the guy.
“What?” Keith rasped.
“Breakfast.”
Keith started to close the door, and Lance forced it back open.
“Keeeith, trust me, buddy, you’ll feel a lot better,”
Keith glowered. “I don’t trust you. Look what you did to me.”
Lance rolled his eyes and grabbed his hand. Keith stumbled down the hall after him, dead weight. “I can’t take all the blame for this one, man. But I can help you. Some greasy space food and some not-coffee and you’ll be right as rain.”
They were the first ones in the kitchen, which surprised Lance. The others must’ve had a long night, too. Or maybe they’d already eaten and were letting them sleep in. Keith sat at the table and immediately buried his face in his arms, no doubt falling back asleep. Lance winced and began to dig through the fridge, coming out with some eggs that they’d gotten from a flamingo-like creature and sausage Hunk had found, origin unknown. He grabbed some bread and started the coffee, for good measure. As the scent of a homemade breakfast slowly filled the kitchen, Keith began to perk up. Lance brought him over a hot cup of space caffeine, and the Red Paladin took it wordlessly, guzzling it like it was water. You could really tell that Keith was raised in a desert, sometimes. Lance whistled as he worked, already feeling better by the action of cooking alone. It didn’t take long for him to complete the spread.
“Buen provecho,” he sing-songed, laying the plate in front of him.
Keith grunted in thanks, shoveling a bit of sausage and egg into his mouth. He hummed happily around the first bite, closing his eyes.
They ate quietly for a while. Lance’s headache had slowly dissipated, and he felt much more prepared to greet the day.
“Man, those Elenormi sure know how to party,” he mused when they’d finished.
“Where do you think the others are? I didn’t see much of them last night.”
Lance shrugged. “I’m happy to avoid them if it means no training and no chores.”
“We should at least let them know we came in okay…” Keith said reluctantly.
Lance waved his hand noncommittally. “I think you left enough of a trail of destruction that they know. Besides, I had a better idea.”
Half a varga later they were in the pool. They’d figured out how to reverse the gravity a few weeks after the whole robot incident, and Lance had been coming ever since, Keith joining him occasionally, when he could be convinced.
“It’s like being back in the womb,” Lance sighed happily, floating on his back.
Keith snorted. “Sure, Lance.”
“I miss the beach. I’ve gotten so pale. I look like a ghost. Ghost Lance. I look like you,”
“I’m Asian,” Keith interrupted tiredly.
“Irrelevant. Ya pasty. I need to get my tan on. And I miss surfing, and the french fries from the pier. Coming home and finding sand in places you didn’t know sand could get into…What about you? What do you miss from back home?”
Keith shrugged, looking down at him from his perch on the side of the pool. “Nothing really.”
“C’mon. There’s gotta be something.”
Keith ducked his head. “Not much to miss. All I’ve got is that shack in the desert. All my family is up here, except Adam, but I hadn’t seen him for a while before we left. I like it up here. I’ve done and seen more in these past two years in space than in seventeen years on Earth.”
“You should come home to Varadero with me.” Lance blurted without thinking. Still, as he said it, he knew it felt right. Keith, coming home to Lance’s favorite place in the world. Meeting his family, seeing where he grew up, eating his favorite food. “Yeah. When we get home, I’ll show you around. You’ll love it. My mom won’t let us lift a finger; we’ll bury ourselves in sand and get fat on empanadas. It’ll be perfect.”
Keith smiled, almost shy. “Okay.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. I’d like that, Lance.”
Lance smiled, toothy and wide. “Cool.” he swam over to him, resting his arms on the side. “Hey, who’s Adam?”
Keith stared at him incredulously. “Adam White? Shiro’s fiance? He taught some of our classes at the Garrison?”
Lance almost lost his grip on the edge. “What?! Shiro’s gay?! And engaged?”
Keith was unimpressed. “You may be the most unobservant person I’ve ever met.”
“No one tells me anything!”
“You didn’t even know Pidge was a girl,” Keith pointed out.
Lance waved a finger in his face. “She was very convincing! Anything else I should know? Is Hunk gay too? Coran? Am I the only heterosexual on this ship?”
“I’m pretty sure Alfor and Coran had a thing.”
“Oh my god! Wait, no, that actually makes sense.” Keith laughed, and Lance couldn’t help but grin. “Hey, can I ask you something?”
Keith wrinkled his nose. “I guess.”
“How did you…how did you know you were gay? Like, what made you realize it?”
“I don’t know, how did you realize you were straight?”
Lance’s eyes narrowed in confusion. “I just am? There was nothing for me to realize. Girls are hot and cool. That’s it.”
“Well, it was kinda the same thing for me. I didn’t have a big coming-out moment or anything. I didn’t have anyone to come out to. I just always knew I was interested in guys and not girls. It wasn’t that big of a deal. It wasn’t something that defined me or something that I thought about a lot after I figured it out. I always had other things to worry about. Besides, romance has never…it’s never really been on the table for me.” he rubbed the back of his neck, refusing to meet Lance’s eyes.
“What do you mean?”
Keith huffed. “I grew up in the foster system, Lance. I was already an outcast. Being gay wasn’t a big deal to me, but there were a lot of other people who felt differently. And I was always moving around too much to make friends, and too angry anyways.”
“And now we’re in space.” Lance summarized, and Keith smiled weakly.
“And now we’re in space.” he affirmed.
“But your boo thang is out here, too!” Lance reminded him happily, punching him gently in the thigh. “And you never know until you try.”
Keith rolled his eyes. “The amount of energy you’re putting into this is baffling to me. Are you ever going to give up?”
“Never! My parents had a storybook romance. I want that and I think, somewhere, deep, deep in that cold, black heart of yours you do, too. This guy you have your eye on must be pretty great, anyway.”
“What makes you think that?” Keith asked, the corner of his mouth turning up slightly.
Lance shrugged loosely. “He caught your eye, didn’t he? And you’re a pretty tough nut to crack. If he doesn’t feel the same, he doesn’t know what he’s missing.”
Keith flushed. “Thanks, I guess.”
“I know you don’t want to say who it is, but can you tell me about him? I’m just curious, you know, about the type of person you’d be interested in.”
“I don’t know, Lance.”
“I won’t tell anyone, promise,”
Keith hesitated a moment before answering. “He’s the best person I know. He challenges me and he’s smart, kind and funny. I’ve never met anyone like him.”
Wow. Lance had never heard Keith talk about anyone like that, ever. One time he’d been asked to describe Shiro and his reply had literally just been ‘he’s okay, I guess’. This wasn’t some silly crush. It was clear; whoever this guy was, Keith was in love with him.
“Sounds like a great guy. I’d love to meet him someday.”
Lance pushed off from the edge, submerging before Keith had the chance to answer. He didn’t know why Keith’s words had lit a scorching fire within him, only that he desperately needed the water to quench it before he could face his friend again.
Lance swam a few more leisurely laps, and then they made their way to the showers. It wasn’t a big deal; they’d all showered together countless times. So why did Lance suddenly feel so shy, so aware of Keith’s presence in the stall next to him? Why did his eyes catch on the muscles of his back, track the rivulets of water as they disappeared into his low-slung towel?
“Are you coming out?” Keith called from over by the lockers.
Lance cursed under his breath, turning the shower to cold much too late. His dick had already come to party, much to his dismay.
“Um, I’ll be out soon. Go on without me,” he said, his voice cracking.
To his relief, he heard the door close as Keith left. Lance shivered in the frigid spray, staring at his traitorous appendage like he could will the problem away. Seriously, what was wrong with him this week?
It’d just been too long since he’d gotten laid. That was all. He’d find a nice alien girl to do the horizontal tango with and all would be right with the world. He wrapped a hand around himself, stifling a groan. He tried to picture this alien girl, tried to conjure images of soft curves and delicate skin. Long, dark hair that he could run his hands through. Soft, pink lips that looked so fucking perfect saying his name. Violet eyes with flecks of gray. Rough hands and hard muscle that rippled beneath his touch, low, throaty moans and—
Lance came with a muffled cry, biting into his arm. His eyes grew wide as the shower chased away the evidence of what he’d done, but not the horror and disgust left in the wake of the act. No. No, no, no, no.
Lance dressed, his movements stiff and robotic, his mind carefully blank. He didn’t trust his own mind. He chased each one away by picturing a big brick wall that was Keith and gay-thoughts proof. Nothing was going to get through.
Keith was waiting for him outside the locker room, playing a game on his space phone. He looked up when Lance drew near, smiling easily, oblivious to his friend’s plight. “Hey. Took you long enough.”
Lance made a noise like a whoopie cushion being stepped on. Ridiculous. Defeated. “I need to go.”
“What?”
“I need to go,” Lance repeated, already blowing by him. “Pidge—er, Hunk, food, help, ah! Gotta go, love you, bye!”
Lance dashed down the hall, ignoring Keith’s confused protests. He didn’t go to find Hunk, though. He ran to his room and locked the door behind him, sinking to the ground and burying his face in his knees. No one came to find him. He wasn’t sure how much time had passed with him just sitting there when the alarm started to blare overhead, causing him to jerk to his feet. Allura’s face came over the comms.
“Paladins, report to your lions immediately! Galra presence has been detected in the quadrant!”
Lance hurried to do just that. Only, when he opened his door, he came face to face with Keith, who was also leaving his room. The Red Paladin looked conflicted to see him.
“Are you okay?” Keith asked as they turned down the hall.
Lance swallowed thickly. “Yes,” he lied.
The others were already at their lions when Lance slid into Blue. Her presence wrapped around him like a weighted blanket, and she purred in his mind. Despite everything, Lance felt himself relax.
“Hey, girl. Ready to kick some Galra butt?”
His lion’s bay opened, revealing a sight that made Lance’s stomach drop.
There were at least two dozen ships, including two cruisers. It seemed that every time they took one down, another one appeared in its place. They couldn’t form Voltron like this. There were too many of them. Lance went into autopilot. After so many pheobes, battle had become instinct in a way he never thought it could be. Sometimes you couldn’t play the long game. Sometimes you didn’t have time to strategize. You just had to focus on staying alive from one moment to the next. It helped that the team worked together so fluidly. He got lost in the dance of it. See a ship. Engage. Destroy. Find the next target. Eventually, he found that the ships slowed to a trickle. Lance allowed himself a moment of rest, scanning the area for his team. There was the castle, easy to spot. Safe behind their particle barrier, they’d been engaging one of the cruisers and holding it back. The cruiser had taken heavy damage through the course of the fight. It wouldn’t last much longer. Hunk and Shiro were taking on the other. They seemed to be holding their own. Pidge was engaged with two different ships but, as Lance watched, she fired a net of vines that wrapped around them and crushed them together. Brutal, but efficient.
Which just left…Keith. The Red Lion snapped a smaller ship in half in its jaws, and Lance let out a shaky, relieved breath. He hadn’t even known that he was worried about Keith until he had confirmation that he was fine.
Lance had taken out two more ships and was battling a third when it happened. He didn’t even have time to react. He heard Keith call his name over the comms, the sound strangled. It startled Lance, who was in the middle of icing the ship. The next thing he knew, he was barrel-rolling through space, his head jerking sharply as he slammed against his safety harness. He bit his tongue in the impact, and he tasted the coppery tang of blood. He shook his head, dazed. It took him a second to get his bearings after that. The ship he’d been fighting was still floating uselessly, much further away than it had been. His friends were yelling over the radio, but they weren’t saying his name. They were calling for Keith. Keith, who…
Whose lion was floating in space beside Lance, the light gone out of her eyes. Keith wasn’t answering. Keith wasn’t answering. The lion was charred on her side, and there was a ship beside it, its laser warming up for the kill.
Lance flew towards it with a cry, blasting it before it could do any more damage. Before it could…
“KEITH!” Lance yelled, his voice cracking. He felt Blue’s worry echo his own in the back of his mind.
Lance open the hatch and boosted himself to the Red Lion’s jaws. They were shut tight, so he pried them open with his bayard. The battle raged around him, his friends covering him and taking out the remainder of the fleet. Lance didn’t spare them a second thought. All he could think about was Keith, who was responding to his comms. Keith, who had taken a hit meant for him.
The inside of the Red Lion was dark, lit only by emergency lighting. Keith was slumped over the torn console, and Lance felt the world come to a halt. He hurried over to his friend, dropping to his side and breathing a shaky sigh of relief when he saw the slow but steady rise and fall of his chest. He placed a hand on the other man’s shoulder, shaking him gently. Keith groaned, his eyes opening slowly to half-mast.
“Lance?” he murmured blearily.
Lance couldn’t help himself. He threw his arms around him with a half-sob, half-laugh. “You idiot! What were you thinking!”
“Wasn’t, really,” Keith mumbled into his neck, “just wanted…wanted to keep you safe.”
“Is that Keith?” Shiro asked, “Is he okay?”
“Are you hurt?” Lance asked. He pulled away to check before Keith could answer, and bit back a groan.
Keith smiled weakly. “It’s probably not as bad as it looks,” he rasped.
Lance blinked back the tears that suddenly welled up in his eyes, pressing his hand to the hole in Keith’s stomach. “Keith,”
Blood bubbled up from around his hands, slow but steady. Lance couldn’t believe he hadn’t noticed it to begin with. He was kneeling in a pool of blood. Keith’s blood.
“What were you thinking?” he asked again, voice low and shaky.
Keith closed his eyes, swallowing hard. He didn’t answer. His mouth went slack, and he fell forward against Lance.
“No, no, no, no,” Lance hissed.
“Lance? Status report?” Shiro said over the comms, his concern evident.
“Keith’s in a bad way. I need to get him to a pod. Can you guys cover for me?”
There was a short pause as Shiro collected himself. “Affirmative. Be safe.”
Lance grabbed under Keith’s arms and started to drag the other boy out of the lion. It was harder than he’d expected, with Keith being totally dead weight. Tears fell freely down his cheeks. Not dead, he reminded himself, not dead. He used his jetpack to get them over to Blue. He could feel her concern prickling at his mind. He gently laid Keith out on the floor and grabbed the first aid kit.
“Blue, I need you to get us to the Castle. Now.”
She roared her understanding, and Lance braced himself as they took off. He hurried back over to Keith’s side, taking off his helmet and carefully stripping him of his armor as he searched for any other injuries. He applied a vacuum-sealed pressure dressing to the wound on Keith’s side. He was unsurprised to find blood matted thick on the back of his head. If they were lucky, he would just have a concussion. Lance forced himself to move on and not think about how unlucky he felt.
Lance had joked about Keith being pale before. He wasn’t sure he would again. Keith was pale now. Pale and cold, his breaths coming short. Lance laid a hesitant hand against his chest. He sobbed in relief when he felt it rise, and as the last of his adrenaline gave out, he laid his head down where his hand had been. He could hear the steady, quick beat of Keith’s heart. He closed his eyes.
Please, he thought, please.
In reality it didn’t take Blue long to reach the castle, but it was the longest trip of Lance’s life. Coran and Allura met him in the bay. Lance used the last of his strength to gather Keith into his arms, the other boy's breath against a neck a constant and necessary reminder of his continued survival.
Allura reached out, grabbing for Keith. Lance jerked away, pushing past her to the healing pods.
“Let me help,” she protested.
“I’ve got him, ‘Lura,” Lance replied, his tone clipped.
Allura and Coran prepared the pod as Lance stripped Keith of his undersuit, changing him into the white pod suit with gentle, fumbling hands. He had hippo-printed boxers on. It should have been funny. It wasn’t. It made Lance sick to his stomach. He had to be okay. He just had to.
As Lance zipped up the suit, he heard a soft groan, and his head jerked up to the source of the sound. Keith blinked blearily at him.
“Lance?”
“Hey, samurai,”
“Are you okay?” Keith spoke slow and breathy, like it was an effort to get the words out.
Lance made a strangled sound, brushing a hunk of hair out of Keith’s eyes. “I hate you so much,” he half-lied, half-sobbed.
Keith grinned crookedly, “I know.”
He closed his eyes, and didn’t open them again. Lance and Allura all but threw him in the pod. It beeped as it went through its functions, and slowly iced over. Lance sank to his knees in front of it, exhaustion overtaking every muscle in his body. Allura placed a hand on his shoulder, steady and comforting.
“You did well, Lance,” she told him softly. “Go change. We’ve got him from here.”
Lance shook his head. “‘m not leaving him.”
Allura’s brows knit in concern. “He’s going to be fine. He will be out before the end of the quintant. You did everything right. The rest of the team will be here soon. Lance, it’s over. It’s okay.”
Lance couldn’t swallow around the lump in his throat. He shrugged off her touch and her kindness. “It’s not okay, Princess,” he said, the normally affectionate nickname little more than a sneer. “He took that hit for me. For me. And I, I—”
Lance wasn’t sure what he wanted to say. He buried his face in his hands, unable to face his friend. After a moment, he heard her leave the room. He didn’t have the energy to feel sorry.
The rest of the crew came in eventually. Lance was sitting in front of the pod, his knees to his chest, Keith’s blood drying on his armor.
“How is he?” Shiro asked as he came into the room. His usually neat hair was slick with sweat.
Lance told him, barely able to meet his eyes. Shiro seemed almost relieved by the news, which made Lance feel worse, if that was possible.
“Shiro, I’m so sorry,” Lance told him. “I didn’t see the ship, it came out of nowhere. I didn’t—I didn’t mean for it to happen,”
The older man’s brows knit. Lance knew that Shiro and Keith weren’t biological brothers, but their expressions were so similar sometimes that it was easy to forget.
“Lance, what are you talking about?” he said, sounding genuinely bewildered.
Lance swallowed thickly. Obviously, the other man didn’t know. “The ship was aiming for me. Keith knocked me out of the way and took it.”
Shiro’s hand came down softly on his shoulder. “Lance. I know that. It wasn’t your fault. Keith had your back. Any one of us, including you, would’ve done the exact same thing.
Lance squeezed his eyes shut against the tears that threatened to form. Logically, he knew that. It wasn’t close to the first time something like this had happened. It was just, if Lance had been paying more attention. If he had reacted a second sooner.
“Yeah…how’d the rest of the battle go? Is everyone okay?”
“You and Keith did a good shop at taking down the smaller ships so we could focus on the battle cruisers,” Shiro said, “that should teach them to not show up around here anymore. We’re still going to spend some time planet side once Keith gets out. I think we all deserve a break.”
Lance hummed his assent and Shiro hesitated before patting his shoulder once more and turning out of the room. The rest of the team came up, checked in on Keith, and tried mostly unsuccessfully to engage Lance in conversation. He wasn’t really in the mood. After a few minutes, they left him alone. Hunk, however, was more insistent. He quickly returned with a bowl of goo and a juice patch, which he held out for Lance to take.
“‘m not hungry,” Lance lied, drawing his knees to his chest and resting his head back against the cool glass.
Hunk narrowed his eyes. “Yes, you are. You haven’t eaten since breakfast. So just take the goo before I start making airplane sounds.”
Lance smiled a bit at that, and begrudgingly took the proffered food. “Thanks.”
Hunk gently lowered himself beside him. “Are you okay, buddy? You seem to be taking this pretty hard. He’s gonna be okay, you know?”
Lance took a viciously large bite of goo. He scowled around it while he answered, “Funny, people keep asking me that. I’m fine. It’s fine.”
“I dunno man. We’re just— I’m just worried about you.”
The goo tasted like bile. It went down like glass. “Well, don’t. Keith’s the one with the hole in his side.”
“And you’re acting like he died, Lance! Look at you! But it’s not just this. It’s everything, it’s how you’ve been acting these past few months.”
That shocked Lance out of his anger. “Huh?”
Hunk held up his hands placatingly, like Lance was a wild animal poised to strike. “The drinking. And the girls. And the nightmares— yes, Lance, we’ve all found you up when you shouldn’t be—but not only that, it’s you, acting like you don’t give a shit about yourself! Like you’re replaceable, or something. We’ve all noticed and we’ve been trying to get you to talk about it, but you’ve been shutting us out. So yeah, Lance, we’re all worried about you. Even Keith. Maybe especially Keith.” to his horror, Lance realized that Hunk had started to cry. “You’re my best friend, man. I can’t lose you. So please just talk to me,”
Even Zarkon would cry if Hunk started crying, so Lance couldn’t be blamed for the sobs that started to rack his body.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me, Hunk,” he gasped.
Hunk wrapped his arms around Lance’s shaking frame. “There’s nothing wrong with you, Lance. Nothing.”
“There is, Hunk. I feel it. Like there’s a gear missing or shaken loose or something. I’ve always felt it, but now we’re in space and we’re so far from home and it’s just worse. And you guys are all coming into yourselves and doing so well. You and Pidge click and are learning and doing so much, and Shiro is Shiro, and Keith, Keith is just getting stronger and more confident and I’m just me. I’m just Lance.”
Hunk shook him gently. “Hey. Enough of that. I love Lance. And if you think you haven’t changed, you’re crazy. Lance, you’re the best of us. You hold us all together and you keep us human. I would go crazy without you here. I’ll remind you of that as many times as you want.”
“Thanks. Hunk.” he wiped at his eyes. “Did-did you say that Keith was worried about me?”
Hunk paused for a second too long. “Is that really your biggest takeaway?”
Lance bristled. “No! It’s just—I mean—he—”
Hunk cocked his head, staring at Lance with an inscrutable gaze. “Do you ever think maybe Keith is part of this whole thing?”
“What, like the stupid rivalry thing? No, I’m over that.”
“No, not like that…or, not not like that…”
“Hunk, buddy, if you’re trying to imply something here, I’m really not getting it,” Lance said, though the pit in his stomach made him feel like maybe, on some level, he did. Maybe Hunk had come to a realization that Lance was on the cusp of, not quite ready to see for himself.
Hunk hesitated, but before he could respond, Pidge returned, cutting off whatever he was going to say.
“What’s up losers?” she said, “I’ve got cocoa and blankets. How’s our frequent poder?”
Lance looked up at the pod's screen and the timer that showed how long it would be until Keith came out. “He’s gonna be okay.” he replied.
To his surprise, he was starting to believe it.
When the pod beeped eight vargas later to indicate that Keith would be out in five dobashes, Lance carefully extricated himself from the tangle of limbs and blankets. Hunk and Pidge barely even stirred. He started walking, and kept going, down to his lion. Blue perked up immediately to see him. He didn’t have the energy to entertain her questions about Keith’s well-being, or her concerns about his mood. They were still in the Elenormi quadrant, so he set course for the planet. He didn’t have a plan. He just couldn’t face Keith. He couldn’t be there when Keith woke up, hale and whole, while something in Lance had shattered. He couldn’t pretend to be happy when he was breaking.
Halmar was behind the bar again. He grinned when he saw Lance.
“Blue Paladin! What an honor to have you back. Congratulations on the battle. What can I get for our savior?”
Lance returned his grin with a shaky smile. “Something strong.”
He did, and when Lance finished the drink, he returned with another. And another. Lance didn’t stop him. It soon became clear to Halmar that the paladin wasn’t in the mood to celebrate. He brought water with the next round, but Lance didn’t touch it, nursing a glass of something sharp and sour.
He figured the team would find him eventually, but he hoped he’d be more than three drinks in when they did.
“Mind if I join you?”
Lance closed his eyes, a heavy feeling in his chest. “You should be resting.”
Keith took the seat next to him, a heavy furrow in his brow. “So should you.”
He signaled for a drink, and Lance made a surprised noise. “You’re not gonna tell me I’m cut off?”
Keith cocked his head. “Should I?”
Lance didn’t dignify that with a response. He turned back to his drink, even though every part of him wanted to turn Keith over, check every inch of him to be sure that he was really healed.
“The team told me you were really upset.” Keith said after a minute of tense silence.
“You were really hurt.”
“I’m fine. Avoided the vital organs and everything.”
“You were bleeding out in my arms, Keith,” Lance snapped, and then swallowed thickly, angry at himself for being angry at Keith.
“What do you want me to say, Lance?” Keith replied with just as much heat, “That I’m sorry? I’m not sorry, Lance. I’d do it again.”
“I don’t need you to protect me, you asshole! I don’t need you to-to get hurt for me.”
Keith grabbed his shoulder, forcing Lance to turn and meet his gaze. “What do you need, Lance?” he asked.
“I need you to be okay,” Lance whispered like the words were being ripped out of him, tearing out of his throat and taking chunks of him with them. “I need-I need—”
“What, Lance?”
Lance grabbed the front of his shirt. The material was soft in his hands. It reminded him of a joke, nearly forgotten, from a day that seemed so long ago. He moved without thinking. Keith’s lips were soft and pliant beneath his. It was a heady feeling, better than whiskey, better than flying. Something warm and huge grew in Lance’s chest.
He pushed away from Keith as soon as he realized what he was doing, almost falling off his seat.
“Shit, Keith, shit, sorry, sorry, I—”
Keith had a dazed, dopey look on his face. His cheeks were pink and his eyes huge. “Why are you sorry?”
Lance almost laughed, almost threw up. He yanked a hand through his hair. “I didn’t mean to. I know you have feelings for that other guy. I just-I don’t know what I was thinking. Sorry.”
Keith blinked back at him. Then, to Lance’s suprise, he grinned, crooked and easy. “Lance. You’re an idiot.”
“Huh?”
Keith didn’t answer, because he was kissing him. His lips were chapped and tasted a bit like astringent, but it was still the best kiss Lance had ever had. Lance threaded a hand through Keith’s hair. It was soft and a little bit damp. He must’ve showered before he came. He pulled away gently, keeping his hand on the back of his head. Lance swallowed thickly.
“I don’t know-I don’t know what this means. Like if I’m gay or straight or maybe just you-sexual. Is that okay? That I don’t know?”
“You don’t need to be anything but you, Lance.” Keith assured him easily. “You can find a label if it makes you feel better, or not. But have you considered that maybe you’re bi?”
Lance stared at him like he had two heads. “Bye what? Goodbye?”
“No, like bisexual. Liking both genders? Or all of them?”
Lance’s brain short-circuited. It took a minute for it to come back online. “Is that a thing?!”
“Um, yeah?”
Lance ran through his checklist. Boobs? Yeah, totally. Women? Sure! Dicks? Hm. Keith’s dick? Yeah, there was definitely something there.
“Huh. Bisexual.” he grinned. “Hey, Keith. Feel my shirt.”
The corner of Keith’s mouth twitched, and he dutifully did so. “Hm. Soft.”
“That’s ‘cause it’s made of boyfriend material.”
Keith rolled his eyes fondly, and pulled Lance back in for another soft, quick kiss. It was quick, but it still made Lance’s head spin. When they pulled away, Keith was smiling, a wicked gleam in his eyes. “You know what would make that shirt look even better?”
“What?” Lance said, still dazed from the sensation of Keith’s lips on his.
“If it was on my floor.”
Lance blinked. “Keith. I think I’m in love with you.”
Keith’s eyes grew wide, and his smile dropped. For a second, Lance thought he had said something wrong. Then, Keith replied, “Lance. I’ve been in love with you for two years.”
Lance gaped. “Oh my god. I’m an idiot.”
Maybe that was true. Regardless, when Keith kissed him again, Lance figured it didn’t matter. Like he had said; if it meant getting to this moment, right now, he wouldn’t change a thing.