Chapter Text
Stede fucks up the house Spotify playlist that has taken Izzy forever to meticulously curate when he keeps throwing on 98/99s era Britney & Christina at all hours of the day. (Izzy had to put his foot down with NO Britney or Christina during sex). Ed joined Stede in pounting about that one, as well.
***
Stede Bonnet is a fucking BED HOG to the EXTREME.
Izzy is used to Ed being a barnacle during sleep but HOLY FUCK he doesn't like hanging onto the edge of HIS OWN FUCKING BED bcuz Stede feels the need to stretch the fuck OUT & take up all the room even in his sleep.
***
Stede refuses to eat certain types of pasta bcuz they taste awful and texture is FUCKED UP.
Ed's like what the fuck!?
But Izzy 100% understands and thankfully Stede doesn't like creepy worm spaghetti, so Izzy can work with it when making dinner.
***
Ed and Izzy have been married for fucking 20 years, but when Stede moves in it's the first time sharing a bathroom that Izzy doesn't want to peel his face off. He loves Ed but HOLY FUCK the CLUTTER. Stede has SO MUCH SHIT but it's all organized & not exploded all over the place. He can work with Stede's shit because as much as Izzy tries to pretend otherwise, he's actually very fussy and particular about things.
Which is why Ed is promptly moved to the guest bathroom, with thankfully not a lot of fuss as soon as Izzy sees how meticulous Stede keeps his grooming accoutrements.
****
Stede QUICKLY joins Ed on the "No, you can't come grocery shopping with me, you pain in the ass" list.
Izzy has a fucking routine, has everything planned out. Deviations are unacceptable.
Stede puts together a good shopping list, tho. But that's all the participation he's allowed.
***
They take the motorcycles pretty much everywhere, especially because Stede's ridiculous Triumph Spitfire is a two-seater. If they take Ed's old Crown Vic, that belonged to his mom, anywhere, Izzy will always let Stede sit up front because "it's easier for me to get back here." When really, he knows that sitting in the backseat stresses Stede the fuck out.
***
Izzy has the worst fucking insomnia and nothing EVER works to combat it. One night he's in the living room so he's not bothering the others. Stede comes in with a cup of Sleepytime tea that Izzy grumbles WILL NOT HELP. But it actually does. He's yawning before the cup is even done.
***
Izzy finds out REAL QUICK that Stede CANNOT cook, after the first time he does and both Izzy and Ed get the worst fucking food poisoning EVER known to man.
But for what it's worth, Stede actually has a good bedside manner (SURPRISE) when the two of them are puking their guts out all night.
Stede's cooking may have nearly killed both Izzy and Ed but that's because he's a terrible cook. He's actually very laser focused when it comes to making sure there's nothing in the food that they're allergic to.
Ed: tree nuts
Izzy: too many to fucking count
***
Stede's real big on the "talk it through" method of resolving conflict. Even if he doesn't always practice what he preaches, Mr. "Run off and leave Ed mentally devastated".
But he did come back and he's working on it.
All three of them are.
Izzy and Ed have been subscribers to the "yelling and screaming and not resolving shit" method of fighting for so very long that the first time they argued and Ed had calmly sat on the couch and explained his feelings, it'd shocked a laugh out of Izzy.
One that'd just as quickly turned into burning tears as he actually listened to his husband and had the same returned.
Which was fucking ridiculous because Izzy Hands didn't CRY. Except when he did, but neither Ed or Stede judged him for that.
***
Stede Bonnet fucking snores.
Not the determined little huffs of air that Ed gives out all night. Or even the open mouthed, disgusting gargling from Jack; the very few times he'd slept over.
No, Stede snores like a buzzsaw.
Loud and continuous all night.
Which honestly shouldn't surprise Izzy, because it's the same when he's wide awake.
If Izzy doesn't fall asleep first, he won't get any sleep at all.
Even if Izzy can slip out of bed and into the guest room, the loud bastard still keeps him awake. His snoring rattling through the walls.
On the other end of the spectrum, nothing keeps Ed from sleep, as long as there's a sleeping body to cling to.
Izzy quickly starts using this to his advantage to get enough sleep.
He makes sure to dropout of whatever they're watching, atleast an hour before.
Conspiratorially dropping a thank you against Ed's cheek along with a kiss goodnight.
When Ed finally let's Stede up for bed, Izzy is blissfully gone to the world and won't be bothered by Stede's buzzing, in the least.