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Jesper Fahey was an excellent sleeper and always had been. If he wanted to, the second his head hit the pillow he was asleep. He was even better at waking up. His entire adolescence he’d never had trouble getting up for school or extracurriculars. Even now Jesper casually rolled over in bed with plenty of time to get to his 8am.
The first order of business was always sending his boyfriend a good morning text, it didn’t matter if Wylan wasn’t good at waking up because he’d see it later anyways. Jesper just wanted to make sure he didn’t forget to text and that Wylan didn’t forget that Jesper loved him.
Jesper had never been able to wake up before his roommate Kaz, it seemed like he never slept but he knew he did. It’s just that their sleeping schedules never seemed to match up, Jesper was convinced Kaz Brekker made sure he never saw him asleep even though he must have slept at some point. Kaz pulled the curtains open and sunlight poured into the room, Jesper stretched his long arms over his head and yawned loudly.
“Coffee?” Jesper climbed out of bed and bent himself over so he could stretch his back, he didn’t really have to ask because every single weekday Kaz and Jesper went to the cafe on campus and got coffee before their 8am classes.
“15 or I’m leaving without you.” Kaz didn’t make empty threats but also Jesper had figured out a surefire way to keep him on task was to tell him he had to be or he’d be alone. Jesper didn’t do alone, not very good anyways.
Jesper threw on his headphones, he thinks Kaz doesn’t mind loud music but might at 7am, so his morning routine was done with nu metal blaring through headphones. He made his bed quickly, it was easy when he had all those long limbs. Snuggles was tucked in and Jesper sent a picture to Wylan, hopefully he’d get a matching one of Maple later.
A 15 minute timer was always set on Jesper’s clock app without fail, Kaz always threatened him with it. His eyes darted from the mirror to his phone as he brushed his teeth, he was making good time. He knew all about time, track and field had made him hyper aware of how fast he could do things.
If Kaz Brekker minded Jesper going to bed in just boxers he didn’t say anything, but Jesper made it a point to get changed in the bathroom in case. Jesper dressed himself in the usual, black pants, black band tee, some form of slouchy jacket and his stompy boots he’d worn everyday since 9th grade. He stared at himself in the mirror a little harder as he centered the star-shaped lock pendant around his neck, he couldn’t believe there was a time this wasn’t a part of him.
Jesper poked his head out of the bathroom to see Kaz thumbing through index cards beside their dorm room door, unlike Jesper he didn’t need motivation to stay on task, he miraculously just did it. Index cards made Jesper read the same words continuously until they didn’t make sense.
“You’re taking forever.” Kaz said without moving a finger or raising his eyes from his card, just absorbing information skillfully.
“Beauty sleep can only do so much.” Jesper did a small spin for Kaz who wasn’t looking at him, as if Jesper didn’t wear the same thing everyday but cycled through jackets and shirts.
“It’s not doing enough.” Kaz shoved his cards away into his backpack, checking the time on the digital alarm clock sitting on his bedside table and yanking the door open. “Move.”
“Such a gentleman.” Jesper scoffed, because Kaz held the door open for him often so he could keep eyes on Jesper. Like he was going to get distracted and wander away when Kaz wasn’t looking, it’s only happened twice and it was for good reason. Was Jesper supposed to walk by somebody carrying too many things and not offer to help? Or see somebody walking their rabbit and not stop to say hello?
Kaz would have liked the walk to the cafe to be quiet, but Jesper was humming as soon as they stepped out of their hall and out into the open air. Jesper was extremely easy to please, he liked the morning he liked the afternoon he liked the night. If he was with somebody he was quite confident he could do anything at any time. Jesper would go for coffee with Kaz at any hour of the day because he liked being with Kaz, it was an easy equation.
“I dreamt about you,” Jesper walked in front of Kaz and spun around so he was going backwards now, offering a flashy grin. “What do you think it means if we were on a deserted island and you fought off a wild boar with your bare hands?”
“I think it means you think too much of me.” Kaz rolled his eyes, the momentary disgust that came from assuming the worst from a Jesper dream faded into a soft warmth that he was being thought of even in sleep. “What the hell were you doing? You didn’t help me?”
“Dude, I am 90% sure I was a squid. Not even a huge one, but just a little guy you stick on a skewer and cook over a little fire.” Jesper defended himself by exposing his squid nature, that even in his dreams he thought less of himself and more of others. “What do you think that means? That I was a squid.”
“Can I be honest?” Kaz rubbed at his eye, he often was honest and definitely didn’t need to ask for permission. It was still funny to see Jesper stand at attention and wait for what he was about to say. “I don’t care and I want my coffee, you’re talking too much.”
“Ew, why are you going all ‘don’t talk to me until I’ve had my coffee’ are you a mother of 5 teens or something?” Jesper was walking properly now, pushing his hands into the pockets of his jeans and wandering along the curb. “That was the worst thing you’ve ever said, you’re giving me the ick.”
“The fuck’s the ick?” Kaz could see the cafe from where they were and it took everything in him to not physically throw Jesper towards the door. Jesper decided to block the way for his roommate, pulling a face and leaning closer so they could have a proper conversation.
“How are you 19 and 54 simultaneously? You’re crazy, what the hell would you do without me? Your faithfully loyal pal.” Jesper was getting ready to explain what it meant when Kaz gently shoved past him, his shoulder knocking into Jesper’s because he was kidding about the coffee thing. “Oh come on, give me a chance.”
“I don’t care, it’s probably better that I give you the ick.” Kaz said it like it was a word in another language he didn’t quite know how to pronounce yet, and Jesper had to be polite and not start laughing at him. He opened the door to the cafe and impatiently gestured Jesper inside. “Coffee’s on you today because you’re being terrible.”
“Just like coffee was on me yesterday and Friday and Thursday.” Jesper didn’t really care because he got to hang out with Kaz and he got to have coffee with Kaz and got to talk to Kaz. “You know what, I’m getting your coffee because clearly you need a pick-me-up.”
“My hero.” Kaz scowled at Jesper when he finally walked into the cafe, taking a particularly long time in the doorway so Kaz was forced to keep the door open to avoid hitting both of them. “Can you hurry the fuck up?”
“Do you want coffee?” Jesper was going to buy anyways but it was a little fun to hold things above Kaz’s head, he rarely got the opportunity. Kaz didn’t play about his caffeine intake. He strolled into the cafe, eyes glued to the menu, Jesper was a trier of new menu items, Kaz had been drinking the same thing since he’d gotten to campus.
As the door swung shut behind them with a small ring of a bell announcing their arrival, Kaz’s gaze darkened even more as the barista who coincidentally took their order every single day coincidentally elbowed past all his coworkers. Kaz was not stupid, he knew a hopelessly obsessed person when he saw one, he knew anybody willing to abandon stocking a fridge or cleaning a counter to take a customer’s order was obsessed.
His name was Kuwei and Kaz didn’t think Jesper actually knew that. Kaz needed to put a name to a face, because too many people were annoying and obsessive and intolerable to him, he had to narrow it down. Kuwei was probably hated by his coworkers for ditching tasks halfway through to take the order of tall, dark, and handsome Jesper every morning at 7:25am every single weekday.
Kaz hovered around the perimeter of a nearby table, dark eyes glaring at Kuwei who leaned against the counter and batted his eyelashes at Jesper who was reading the menu still. It didn’t matter what Kuwei did because it was going to work, Jesper was here for coffee and his phone was heavy in his pocket waiting for Wylan’s good morning text.
“Hello again, handsome.” Kuwei started the way he always did, laying on the flattery, tucking a piece of hair behind his ear and waiting for Jesper to look his way.
“Hey, good morning, how are you?” Jesper looked down at Kuwei to be polite, offering a small smile and then turning to make sure Kaz was still around. He was lurking and looking generally disapproving, good old Kaz. “Did you dye your hair? It looks lighter, unless you changed the lights, well not you, but you know.”
Jesper wasn’t trying to be funny, but Kuwei giggled like he had just delivered the funniest punchline in history. Kaz rolled his eyes, it was too early to watch someone strike-out like this.
“I did dye it, it’s supposed to be auburn, I think my hair’s still too dark.” Kuwei touched his hair gently, biting his bottom lip as Jesper looked closer, he wasn’t sure he even knew what auburn meant in total honesty. “I’m really good, it is a good morning.”
“So like red? Cool, I like red, red’s good.” Jesper thought about Wylan again, about the redgold curls he couldn’t keep his hands out of and he peeked back up at the menu. “That’s good, God, guess I gotta order, so, medium black butter pecan coffee, please and thank you.” He lazily waved back towards Kaz, and Kuwei couldn’t care less about looking at Kaz so he didn’t, just tapped his order into the screen.
“We just got our hazelnut syrup back,” Kuwei whispered, like it was a secret that nobody was supposed to know and Jesper raised an eyebrow. “Iced hazelnut latte sound good? I can put your caramel on top no problem.”
“Ooh fuck, that does sounds good.” Jesper cursed before he could stop himself, looking around to make sure no particularly managerial people were close by. “Can I get that with, like is it crazy to get it with, well now that I think about it…” Jesper trailed off and got lost in his thoughts and then tapped his hands against the counter. Kuwei’s eyes flickered down, laser focused on Jesper Fahey’s very nice hands on his counter. “God, so sorry, it’s too early and I’m so complicated. Is it possible to get foam on top? Then that’s it I swear.”
“For you? Yes, it is possible.” Kuwei smiled when Jesper sighed a sigh of relief, he knocked on the counter softly and smiled back. Kaz, nearby, scoffed because they could put foam on anything. “Any snacks today? We have fresh toffee cookies, I think they’re a little too sweet, but y’know.”
“Toffee, yes, big yes,” Jesper, naturally, thought about Wylan and peered over at the bakery display case to look at these cookies. The cafe did huge cookies, so they could share or Wylan could essentially have two cookies by halving it. “One of those please and I’ll just take a slice of banana loaf, sorry for the huge ass complicated order. I am the worst at go-up-to-counter-and-order-normally.”
“Oh, I love it,” Kuwei was generally unashamed about it, that Jesper was his favourite customer and favourite man he’d ever laid eyes on and favourite person to flirt with of all time. “I won’t complain about getting to hear your voice. I don’t mind at all.” He put the rest of the order into the machine and Jesper fished his wallet out of his pocket, giving Kuwei another smile and Kaz wished Jesper would put that stupid thing away.
To Jesper he was just smiling and being friendly and to Kuwei, he totally wanted him. Kaz could kill them both, because Jesper was stupid and Wylan-brained and Kuwei had to have known they were a thing, Nina worked here, not the morning shift but she worked here. It was too convenient for Kuwei to not know about Wylan’s existence, anybody this obsessed with Jesper Fahey had to know.
“Thank you so much.” Jesper finished paying, and tipping, and Kuwei gave him a little wave before turning around to get their order prepared. Kaz gave him one last glare and as soon as Jesper’s back was turned, Kuwei returned it. Kaz was fuming and he couldn’t do anything about it.
“Fahey, be careful, you’re leading him on.” Kaz took half a step back as Jesper approached him so he could lean against the wall. Jesper’s eyebrows scrunched up in confusion, of course he was confused about this, about who the hell they were even talking about.
“What? Who? The barista?” Jesper whispered in disbelief, turning his head to see Kuwei pouring coffee into cups. This confirmed Kaz’s theory that Jesper had no idea who Kuwei was, just that he was the barista they saw five days a week. “Kaz, you’re crazy, I’m grabbing coffee.”
“Yeah, but you’re also 6’4” and have a septum piercing. So calm it down a little bit.” Kaz mumbled, pushing off the wall when his cup of coffee was placed down on the counter. Kuwei didn’t offer him the time of day, instead turning back around to make Jesper’s coffee. Kaz didn’t need the small talk or eyelash flutters or newly dyed hair, he just wanted caffeine.
“Calm what down?” Jesper scoffed, he couldn’t believe he was having this conversation with Kaz right now. What did any of that even mean? Leading the barista on? By talking to him? Was it his fault for being tall and having a nose piercing? “You’re out of your mind, dude, I’m just chilling.”
“Okay but stop chilling so…” Kaz gestured with his hand, not at all helping the situation, he clearly knew what he was trying to say but Jesper was even more lost. “I don’t know, stop talking, people seem to like when you talk. I, for one, hate it.”
“Wow, thanks so much.” Jesper loved to be told to shut up by his best friend and roommate before 8am. He walked forward to the counter to collect the bag of treats Kuwei offered him and then grinned when he handed his coffee over. “Thanks, see you tomorrow.”
“Anytime, absolutely no problem,” Kuwei absolutely had tunnel vision, only staring at the sparkling visage of Jesper Fahey and not of Kaz Brekker looming behind him with a look that could kill. “See you tomorrow.”
“This little shit.” Kaz grumbled as soon as they left the cafe and headed to class, he poked Jesper’s drink right where a heart had been drawn with a permanent marker. “You’re flirting, cut it out.”
“I’m not fucking flirting, I’m ordering your stupid coffee,” Jesper took a sip of his hazelnut iced latte and hummed, it was really good and he’d have trouble ordering something new tomorrow. “Being nice to someone who is working at 7am is not flirting, it’s just being nice. You should really try it.”
“Thanks for the offer but I will not put out for the barista at 7am.” Kaz tilted his head back for a long swig of his coffee and he sighed, that was better.
“I don’t think you know what ‘putting out’ means, because I am certainly not doing that.” Jesper was ready to die on this hill when his phone vibrated in his pocket and he could have jumped for joy. Wylan, Wylan was awake and awake enough to talk to him. He looked down at his phone to see Wylan’s good morning text and Wylan’s good morning photo of Maple and he turned his phone eagerly to show Kaz. “Wylan’s awake.”
“Super cool.” Kaz deadpanned, he did not care if Wylan was awake yet every day Jesper insisted on updating him. It was great that he was awake because now Jesper could talk to him and not Kaz.
“And here’s Maple, he’s settling in nicely,” Jesper spoke about the arrival of the stuffed animal like he had just moved houses and was finding his footing. “And here’s, oop, actually I can’t show you that, hehe.”
“There is no way you’re going ‘hehe’ at nudes, I think you need to be shot on sight for that.” Kaz groaned, he drank more coffee, he got free coffee but at what cost? His roommate was insufferable and giggling at 7am.
“They’re not nudes, he just looks really cute and I don’t want to share with the class.” Jesper cupped his phone protectively as he stared at the photo of Wylan half asleep in his pajamas, one of his pant legs stuck on his calve and his hair dented where he slept against it.
“I am not asking you to, I’d prefer if you didn’t.” Kaz had nothing against Wylan, if anything his only sin was making Jesper jump around happily thinking about him. His effect on Jesper was the only annoying thing about Wylan, and unfortunately unavoidable.
“But this one is a nude.” Jesper announced and Kaz groaned, stopping in the middle of the sidewalk and pointing down the field.
“I’m going to class, bye.” Kaz looked at Jesper who smirked at him, it was infuriating but he was being made fun of and it was all so comforting he couldn’t help but smile, just a little. “I mean it, bye.”
“I was kidding, but bye.” Jesper raised his fist because Kaz absolutely detested being touched and Jesper absolutely loved touching people so they came to an agreement. Kaz bumped his knuckles against Jesper’s and turned away swiftly, Jesper had been the only person he’d touched in years and it was just a stupid fist bump. “Lunch later?”
“Maybe.” Kaz would probably end up going for lunch with Jesper and probably Wylan. The only reason Wylan didn’t come along for the morning coffee runs was because Wylan could function without caffeine and also he was in the lab almost all day and didn’t have the time or energy for coffee.
Jesper called Wylan so he could hear his voice as he walked to class alone, hear him ask for outfit advice and hear him yawn and whisper so he didn’t wake up Matthias. Matthias had class at 9am so he got to sleep in, they were all a little bit jealous, an extra hour really mattered.
Jesper drank his overly sweet coffee and talked to his overly sweet boyfriend and thought about getting through his chunk of morning classes so they could be together again.
…
Jesper, done with his 12pm class, ran down the sidewalk, down stairs and through the grass. He was exhausted from hours of lectures but also spotted Wylan standing with Nina underneath a tree and had to get to him as quickly as possible.
Nina grinned before Wylan could process what was going on, Jesper’s arms wrapped around his middle tightly and he picked him up from behind. Wylan yelped, hands clutching at Jesper’s arms as he was spun around once and then put back down.
“Did I scare you?” Jesper kept his arms locked around Wylan’s waist as he leaned over his shoulder and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “These are my favourite pair of jeans on you, by the way.” He dropped one arm so he could slide his hand into Wylan’s front pocket, holding him against him warmly.
“You scared me so bad,” Wylan murmured, flushing bright red with his heart racing so loudly Jesper could both feel and hear it. “I almost had a heart attack.” He pouted because Nina didn’t even try to warn or help him, just happily watched an unsuspecting Wylan be scooped up. “I figured, you always pick them.”
“They make his ass look great.” Nina added, snorting when Jesper reached over to give her a very firm handshake over the shared conclusion. “Pleasure doing business with you.”
“She said it, not me.” Jesper pulled away from Wylan just enough so he could get a proper kiss, smiling against his lips when Wylan craned his neck at all costs to kiss him. He never got tired of it, of Wylan’s bright blush and soft lips and sweet giggle whenever Jesper went back in for another kiss.
“How are you? Your coffee looked good this morning,” Wylan spun around in Jesper’s arms so they were facing each other and Jesper sighed dreamily, burying his face in Wylan’s neck. Nina took the time to inspect her nails in the sunlight, she’d gotten more than used to her friends catching up and smooching in between classes. “I wish I could’ve had some.”
“I’m great, fantastic,” Jesper held Wylan’s hips softly, standing up straight and peeking down at his boyfriend who always looked up at him with the most eager, attentive eyes he’d ever seen. “I would’ve shared, but you had lab stuff, was it fun?”
“It’s always fun,” Wylan hooked his arms around Jesper’s neck and Jesper never got over the shock of a shiver that shot up his spine when Wylan touched him like this. Jesper knew that realistically nobody cared or were staring but when Wylan’s hands were on him he swore to God they were the only two people alive and there was a blinding spotlight on them. “Class was fun? You survived four and half hours of lectures?”
“Not really, but I think you’re some overpowered healer kinda guy,” Jesper murmured, completely serious in his delivery because it made Wylan’s eyes narrow and a fond smile appear on his lips. “Lectures are kind of fun sometimes but I did die in there, thankfully all it takes is one kiss to revive me.”
“Just one?” Wylan had already given Jesper a kiss, but he sort of wanted to kiss him again. He rose on his toes and pressed his lips to Jesper’s jaw, cheeks gently dusting pink when his boyfriend tried and failed to remain serious.
“Like mechanically, yeah, you can kiss me once and I’ll be a reanimated corpse. In a cute way? If you had a hardon for a zombie or something, vampire? Then you’ve gotta bite me.” Jesper got both of his hands in Wylan’s back pockets and Wylan couldn’t have blushed any deeper at this point. He even had to clear his throat because it was difficult to focus when Jesper’s hands were so big and warm and curious. “What else is undead?”
“Me, listening to you trying to be cute about wanting to make out with your boyfriend,” Nina offered, giving Jesper a friendly scowl and making him roll his eyes. “Go on, pin the boy up against a tree and get to it.”
“Nina.” Wylan whisper-yelled because now he was going to be thinking about being pushed against a tree by Jesper all day. “You couldn’t have said a ghost?”
“I kinda like vampire.” Jesper ignored Nina even though the bright burn of Wylan’s cheeks and ears was appreciated. He brought a hand up from his waist to stroke his side and rest on his shoulder. “You’d make a cute vampire, definitely a little vampy prince moment. What the fuck were we talking about? Damn.”
“Um, about me kissing you and bringing you back to life.” Wylan gently reminded, unhooking his arms from around Jesper’s neck so he could press his palm against his boyfriend’s cheek lightly. “Did you eat my cookie?”
“Your cookie? What cookie?” Jesper leaned into Wylan’s hand because nothing was as important as the gentleness of his lover’s touch after wanting it all morning. “Oh shit, the cookie, yeah, it might be all crumbs but I didn’t eat it. I saved it for you, well, it’s yours completely. I bought it for you.”
“I know honey, I saw your text.” Wylan grinned and Jesper forgot what he was going to say next in the best way possible. That maybe he actually didn’t have to say anything, just dig in his backpack for the toffee cookie he bought four hours ago and present it to Wylan. So that’s what he did and Wylan gave him a kiss on the cheek for it. “Do you want half?”
“Oh, screw me then.” Nina huffed, she had since sat down on the grass because she was getting tired of standing around waiting for them to wrap it up.
“Completely forgot about you,” Jesper plopped down on the ground across from Nina and patted the space between his legs. Unsurprisingly, Wylan went red all the way to his ears but then sat down without any complaints. “We can split it in three, if you really want to take this away from me.”
“Shut up, I hate you.” Nina put on fruity smelling hand sanitizer and offered some to Wylan and none to Jesper. “Yeah, that’s right, get sick and get diarrhea. Not us though.” She was absolutely beaming when Wylan neatly broke off a piece of the cookie for her, and she ate it without waiting for them.
“I have some in my bag.” Wylan reassured Jesper that even if Nina wished tummy troubles upon him, Wylan would not allow it to happen. Before he continued breaking the cookie up, he shared his holiday scented hand sanitizer and then gave the slightly larger piece to his boyfriend. “Here you go, Jes.”
“Thank you baby, I love you baby.” Jesper lazily draped himself all around Wylan in a way that would allow maximum bodily contact and minimum crumbs. “Are you busy right now?” He said around a mouthful of cookie, resting as much of himself on Wylan as he let him get away with.
“I love you too, and I’m kinda busy right now, very busy at the moment.” Wylan took a bite of the cookie Jesper had bought for him first thing in the morning and rolled onto his hip, hugging Jesper’s arm tightly.
“Damn, doing what?” Jesper used his free hand to push Wylan’s redgold curls away from his face, humming thoughtfully when Wylan curled up neatly. “You okay, baby? Sleepy?”
“Could you guys get a room?” Nina said this like she wasn’t gunning to be the best man at their wedding on both sides, campaigning that if anybody could do it was obviously her. She had already eaten her third of the cookie, opening up her phone and taking pictures of Wylan snuggling into Jesper tiredly. She needed material for the wedding slideshow and she was their biggest fan, on her own Instagram page she had a collection of highlights for them.
“Busy hugging and being hugged.” Wylan murmured, flushed bright red to the tips of his ears because Nina was without a doubt going to expose him for public displays of cuddling on the grass on campus. “I’m okay for the most part, you know how it is, so much stuff to do all the time. Can you sleep over later? It’s okay if not, don’t worry, it’s getting hard to sleep, you’d help…”
Jesper thought it was obvious that he’d drop anything and everything to help Wylan instead. He’d driven across the country, he’d taken time off school, he’d picked a school where he could be with Wylan, he’d planned for them all to live together, he’d planned when he was going to propose. If Wylan needed Jesper to sleep over, he was going to sleep over. Any plans Jesper had before this very moment didn’t matter at all. All Jesper needed to hear was Wylan saying he was sort of okay and the way he tried to backtrack his need for help by insisting it would be fine regardless.
To Jesper it would not be fine to abandon Wylan when he needed him. So much of Jesper demanded to be there for Wylan that it was strange to imagine not being by his side. He wonders if he was built for it, for protecting and keeping safe and keeping soft. He’d like to think that Wylan needed him as much as he needed to be needed. Jesper liked being needed, loved it, and he loved Wylan even more.
“Yeah, I can stay the night,” Jesper finished his bit of the cookie so he could have the conversation properly, he dusted his hands clean and then stroked Wylan’s forearm. “Is it getting bad again? Dissociating again? Or just too much stress? Insomnia?”
“Mmmmng,” Wylan appreciated it, he really did, but it was all so tiring, so much to deal with all the time. Jesper knew how frustrating a diagnosis could be, knew exactly how it felt for every single bump in the road to be related to what was going on in his brain, that he was just wired like that and so it was going to happen. He just had to find ways to work with it and not against it, he was only trying to help Wylan. “I just can’t sleep, need you, just need you.”
“Okay, baby, yeah, I can be there for you.” Jesper leaned down to press a kiss to the top of Wylan’s head and Wylan nodded weakly, shutting his eyes finally. “Are you hungry? I’m thinking about getting lunch with Kaz if he answers my texts, I quadruple texted him. We’re gonna get noodles.”
“Where’s my invite?” Nina leaned over so she couldn’t physically be ignored and Jesper lovingly pushed her away like she was cat trying to eat his aforementioned noodles.
“Wylan comes first.” Jesper tightened his grip around his boyfriend and Wylan smiled like a very smug cat that got his own special cat-sized bowl of noodles.
“I bet he does.” Nina launched herself into Jesper’s shoulder, jostling both of the boys and making Wylan moan in complaint because now his headache was made worse by attack-of-the-Nina. “I bet he likes it too.”
“Duh.” Wylan, who didn’t mean to be snappy but was tired and stressed out, was snappy and immediately felt bad about it. “Oh God, sorry for being so bitchy.”
“I love bitchy Wylan.” Nina smiled kindly because nothing was as satisfying as her too nice best friend being a little mean, it was like she was rubbing off on him. “I do want noodles though, if I’m invited.”
“Of course you’re invited.” Jesper moved when Wylan did, assuming he wanted help standing up but he just shifted so he was more comfortable laying half on the ground and half on his boyfriend. “You could never be bitchy, not my baby.”
“You enable-y enabler.” Nina shook her head though she did approve, Wylan needed people in his life who supported him having feelings, having reactions and not being punished for it.
“I’m hungry.” Wylan sighed softly, he supposed if he had to get up to get food he’d do it. Jesper offered up both of his arms and Wylan happily took them, letting himself get pulled to his feet. Jesper then brushed grass and other bits of nature off of Wylan’s pants and finished with a kiss to his temple.
“Screw it, I’m not waiting for Kaz, we’re going.” Jesper peeked down at his phone to see his roommate had just texted and was already on his way to the restaurant. “Nevermind, Kaz is somehow now waiting for us. God, he’s good.”
“I vote for Jes to carry both of us.” Nina put her arms up, grabby hands and all. “Uppies, please.” She batted her eyes and Jesper scoffed, offering uppies only to Wylan who gave him a kiss but shyly passed on being carried all the way to lunch.
…
Jesper dutifully pulled the hair tie off of his wrist and gently scooped Wylan’s curls back into a small ponytail to keep it out of his noodles. Wylan didn’t stop eating during the process, even leaning over to steal a mouthful of Jesper’s food.
“It’s spicy, baby…” Jesper was going to fuss if Wylan allowed him to, and so far Wylan has never stopped Jesper from taking care of him. Jesper might die if he wasn’t allowed to pet his hair away from his face and remind him to be careful, even if the carefulness was spice related. “Water?”
“He’s not going to explode.” Kaz reminded Jesper, but it was different for him who’d been ordering spicy noodles with Jesper for lunch for weeks now. Jesper didn’t fuss about Kaz Brekker because he’d be beaten up for it, and if Kaz wanted to burn his mouth raw he could, but of course he didn’t, he was above succumbing to spicy food.
“One single hot cheeto can make Wylan explode.” Nina, who enjoyed a hot chip occasionally, had tried to share with Wylan and made him wash his mouth out in the bathroom instead.
“I was drunk.” Wylan pouted, he couldn’t help it, it’s not like he consciously made the decision to burn up the second anything spicy touched his touch. He’d never live the hot cheeto thing down, but it’s fine because Jesper wasn’t there and didn’t have to see Wylan near tears over a chip. “And I just wanted one bite, it’s a little spicy…”
“Mmm, just a little?” Jesper ignored the judging glances of Kaz and Nina, instead touching Wylan’s red ear and making sure he was not lying to him. “Have some bean sprouts.”
“This is agonizing.” Kaz said this like he was forced to go out for lunch with his friends and didn’t get to the restaurant before them and got a table for them. “Nina, are you a jealous person?”
“What the fuck should I be jealous about?” Nina dribbled noodles back into her soup at the question, whipping her head around to look at Kaz sitting beside her and eyeing him suspiciously. “Is this a shitty joke about my failing love life? If you tell me somebody has managed to woo Helvar and I didn’t, that’s it for me.”
“I was just asking.” Kaz, never innocent, swirled his noodles around in his soup and shrugged his shoulders. “And Wylan, are you a jealous person?” He looked at Jesper as he spoke and Jesper’s hand fell from where he was lightly twirling a piece of Wylan’s hair around his finger.
“Kaz.” Jesper didn’t want to be obvious but he was being obvious, he wasn’t a guy particularly built for being subtle, he also did not want to be.
“I guess.” Wylan looked between Jesper and Kaz, not suspicious, but trying to work out why there was so much tension as quickly as he could. “Should I be worried?”
“Never ever.” Jesper shook his head firmly, sealing the deal with a gentle kiss to his boyfriend’s cheek. “There’s never gonna be anyone else but you.”
“In front of my noodles?” Nina said this like anything could stop her from enjoying a meal, she was still eating enthusiastically because she could commit to a bit as long as the bit didn’t involve acting like her lunch wasn’t delicious.
“Just wondering how you’d react to someone else having a crush on Fahey, just curious, you know?” Kaz thought it would be a fantastic use of his time to create trouble in Jesper’s life, Jesper thought this was the worst idea Kaz has had in a long time.
“I don’t know.” Wylan frowned, scooting half an inch away from Jesper so he could look at his face better. Jesper didn’t do a good job at masking the panic.
“Purely hypothetical, just a question.” It wasn’t like Kaz was trying to rip Jesper and Wylan apart, he just wanted to meddle a little. “Would it bother you?”
“Well, it’s just a one-sided crush.” Wylan, polite and well-behaved, did a good job at convincing everybody at the table except for Kaz Brekker. Only because Kaz was looking for it. “It’s fine, it’s whatever.”
“But what do you really want to do?” Kaz was less interested in eating his food and getting the truth out of Wylan. “If somebody really laid it on thick and tried to woo your boyfriend, what if they knew he was taken and it didn’t stop them? What if it encouraged them?”
“I’d rip their head off, is that what you wanted to hear? That he’s mine and I feel like tearing someone’s spine out now, okay?” Wylan would have been fine if Kaz didn’t add the last bit, and didn't make him think about someone interfering in the best thing he had going for him.
“No head ripping, no spine tearing, he’s really nice and–” Jesper caught himself too late, which is what usually happened, and he bit his lip hard.
“So there is someone.” Wylan buried his face in his hands and fought back to urge to scream into his palms.
“Not like that baby, honest to God, Wy,” Jesper turned in his seat so he was completely facing Wylan, his knees pressing into Wylan’s leg as he gently cupped his boyfriend’s face. “I didn’t even know he was flirting with me, he was just giving me coffee and Kaz was saying some bullshit about him trying to get my attention. I don’t even fucking know his name.”
“I do.” Kaz smiled because he wanted to tell Wylan and he wanted to see his head get ripped off and his spine get torn out. For fun, for entertainment, because even Kaz Brekker thought it was scummy to try to disrupt a happy relationship.
“Hold the fucking phone,” Nina finished her meal and shoved her bowl into the centre of the table away from her. “Are we talking about my coworker? You’re codename Cinnamon Sprinkle?”
“Your coworker.” Wylan abruptly dropped his hands onto the table with a loud thump and Jesper collected them carefully, kissing over where he thought would be sore from the impact. “Everybody left me out of something again? I feel like this is something I should have known a long time ago.”
“To be fair, Hendriks, I really believe Fahey is stupid enough to not know when somebody wants to fuck him.” Kaz was trying to comfort Wylan but Wylan was sick to his stomach thinking about anyone wanting to be intimate with his boyfriend. He knew deep down he was a jealous person but he hadn’t had reason or opportunity to be until now.
“You’re being an ass, Kaz, he’s just some guy that makes my coffee every morning.” Jesper wrapped an arm around Wylan’s shoulder and Wylan thought too long about letting him, as if it was Jesper’s fault somebody thought he was attractive.
“You would’ve told me if you knew he was trying to steal you?” Wylan wanted to believe that Jesper would tell him the truth but he’d gotten in the habit of protecting Wylan, of thinking he knew what was best for him. The day Jesper hurt Wylan was the day Jesper lost every crumb of self-confidence and sureness he had in his body.
“Without a fucking doubt, I didn’t know.” Jesper didn’t know because every space in his brain was occupied by thoughts of Wylan. Of sharing a cup of coffee with him and buying him the best cookie he could find or taking him to the same cafe after school so they could study together.
“But he does know about you two. Because he follows me and he follows Wylan, he doesn’t follow you though Jes, because he’s a sneaky little bitch.” Nina was impressed that something had been going on under her nose for months, that her coworker had been gossiping about Jesper directly to her and she hadn’t picked up on it. “I can’t believe it, Jes, he’s had some very explicit things to say, so I’d steer clear.”
“I think I’m going to pull his skin off actually, I’m going to break all of his fingers–” Wylan only stopped talking about violently attacking somebody who wanted his boyfriend when his boyfriend pressed an apologetic kiss to his lips. Jesper lightly nuzzled his nose into Wylan’s cheek and Wylan sighed loudly, it wasn’t Jesper’s fault, it wasn’t.
“What a wonderful note to end on.” Kaz looked down at his phone to check the time, they still had afternoon classes to attend. “Somebody record it if Wylan does decide to disembowel Kuwei, I would love to see it.”
“Kuwei Yul-Bo? My fucking lab partner?” Wylan couldn’t help yelling at the discovery, Kaz smiled warmly, Nina pulled a face and Jesper sunk further into the booth they were sitting at.
This was not great, like at all.
…
Jesper felt off, and off in a way that he hadn’t felt in a long, long time. This was a twisted guilt and uneasiness and discomfort that robbed him of everything that made him, him. Jesper was feeling decidedly not Jesper-like, not in the slightest.
He was quiet, too quiet, because his mind was twirling with thoughts that were mean to him. Tearing him down with each word his own head thought up. This was Jesper in highschool wondering if Wylan actually liked him or if he was so damn annoying that he didn’t have any choice but to say yes to him.
For the first time ever, holding Wylan’s hand and walking him home felt wrong. Wrong in the way that Jesper didn’t think he deserved it, that this was a privilege he’d gotten too used to and now he’d screwed it all up and he shouldn’t be able to do this anymore.
“You’re quiet.” Wylan has never had to urge Jesper to say something, but the silence hung heavy over their heads. It wasn’t a comfortable quiet, where they’d be in their own worlds together, this was a quiet because neither of them knew what to say.
Jesper looked up in time to see Wylan’s dorm room quickly approaching, he gave a small shrug and pulled his hand away from Wylan’s so he could pocket them instead. Wylan stopped in front of his door, looking up at Jesper who was further away from him than usual, literally and figuratively.
“I’ll see you tomorrow?” Jesper gave a soft smile and Wylan’s face fell, if anybody knew when Jesper wasn’t being genuine it was Wylan. Wylan who knew exactly what Jesper looked like when he was faking it through high school and it was the same damn face.
“You’re not staying?” Wylan’s eyes flickered over Jesper, slouched and avoidant and reserved and not bursting with life the way he always was. It wasn’t like Jesper to go back on his word either, that he’d spend the night and now would leave him here without so much as a goodnight hug or a kiss goodbye.
“I’m…not feeling well.” Jesper wasn’t lying but he wasn’t being honest either. How could he ever tell Wylan that he’d felt like he’d fucked up so badly today that he reverted to thinking Wylan was forcing himself to be with him? How could Jesper confess that he’d taken such a hit from accidentally upsetting Wylan that he couldn’t even touch him without guilt?
“Jesper.” Wylan reached out both hands slowly, grasping Jesper’s surprisingly shaky fingers in his. “I know you, Jes, why are we lying?” He kept his voice as steady as he could, in an effort to be brave for the both of them.
Jesper appreciated he wasn’t getting yelled at or reprimanded, but half of him thought he deserved it. Wondered if Wylan could talk about him the way he talked about Kuwei, somebody Wylan didn’t even dream about having problems with until now.
“I don’t want you to be mad at me anymore…” Jesper was just going to walk away from it for the night and let them both sleep on it, but Wylan was too smart, too in tune with his lover’s tendencies. Jesper Fahey always had somebody mad at him, all his life whether it be his teachers or his father or his teammates or his friends. It hurt every single time but he just couldn’t let them know, didn’t know why he felt so especially sensitive to it all.
“Oh, Jes, baby,” Wylan softened as he let go of Jesper’s hands as they flew to wipe tears away from his under eyes. Jesper tried not to cry but he was letting things bubble up and now all he could do was stand here in the doorway of his boyfriend’s dorm room and shake. “You’re not in trouble, you didn’t do anything.”
The same way Jesper had been learning about Wylan’s brain and Wylan’s triggers, Wylan had been doing the same thing for Jesper. He’d been paying attention for years and he knew Jesper’s rejection sensitivity dysphoria was pretty severe; he just hid it behind jokes, but not with Wylan. He couldn’t bear Wylan not being pleased with him.
“I did, I upset you,” Jesper didn’t know what to do, he wanted more than anything to be hugged but just didn’t think he was worthy of one right now. As if Wylan could read his mind, he wrapped an arm around his boyfriend’s shoulder as he was hunched over sadly and ushered him into his room. “And now, and now I’m just making it worse. And you’re too nice and I’m just being terrible and making it about me.”
“Hey, Jes, what do you mean?” Wylan got Jesper into the room and walked him to the bed, sitting him down on the edge of it. He smoothed his hands over Jesper’s arms and leaned in to kiss the top of his head. “You’re not being terrible, you’re not doing anything wrong. Why would you be anything but my perfect Jesper?”
“I was a shit boyfriend and now I’m just crying like I deserve to be upset that I let somebody flirt with me,” Jesper fought every urge to bury his face in Wylan’s chest but Wylan held the back of Jesper’s head like he was doing it anyways. “I’m just being a manipulative sack of shit, making you feel bad for me by sobbing instead of being considerate of how you feel.”
“You’re not manipulating me by having feelings,” Wylan pulled Jesper into his chest and he went without complaint, pressing his face into Wylan’s body until the pressure and warmth enveloped him. “I was never mad at you, I’m mad at the person doing the flirting. How were you supposed to know? Hm? We’re not going to blame you for not knowing.”
“I should’ve known,” Jesper hiccuped right into Wylan’s shirt and Wylan lightly shushed him, leaning side to side in a small little rock. “I’m so fucking dense and I think I know what I’m talking about but it’s all just shit.” He hadn’t made the move to hold Wylan but his hands wanted to, twitched at the thought of embracing him.
“No, no, we’re not doing that,” Wylan’s brows furrowed in concentration, not anger or frustration, especially not at Jesper. “I’m not mad at you, you’re not in trouble, you’ve never ever pressured me into anything or manipulated me in any way. We’re gonna be okay, my love, we are.”
“Are you sure?” Jesper tucked away so many moments since he’d first started crushing on Wylan that he’d forced him to do things he didn’t want, like he didn’t want to hold hands or kiss or cuddle or hang out as much as they did. He just couldn’t get rid of that nagging feeling, even after years. “I didn’t force you to do things because you didn’t wanna hurt my feelings?”
“You’ve never pushed me to do anything, Jes, I mean it with all my heart.” Wylan stroked his fingers through Jesper’s hair softly, holding him close to his chest and listening to him sniffle. “I can handle hurting your feelings if you’re doing something wrong, but you’re not, you’ve never hurt me. You’re the only one who has never hurt me.”
This got Jesper’s hands to finally start moving, he wrapped his arms around Wylan tightly and Wylan smiled at the feeling. It was true that Jesper hadn’t done a single thing to hurt him, Jesper took such great care of him, Wylan wanted to take care of him too.
“I don’t wanna hurt you,” Jesper heaved out a big sigh, blinking tears out of his eyes and looking up at Wylan who was tenderly massaging his scalp. “I’m so sorry, I won’t ever talk to him again and I’ll be better.” He was the spitting image of a puppy as he spoke, the state of his voice might even be a passable whine.
“How could you be any better than you already are?” Wylan just wanted to see him smile, wanted to see the way Jesper’s pupils dilated when he leaned down to press a kiss to his lips. He tasted of tears but Wylan didn’t mind, how could he mind when Jesper latched onto him so tightly for comfort? “You need your sweet treat in the morning, I can’t rob you of a little treat.”
“I can make Kaz get it for me.” Jesper did smile because the thought was so ridiculous, Kaz Brekker ordering coffee for him willingly. “You’re my sweet treat, I don’t need anything else, nothing else in the whole world. God, my head fucking hurts, I feel like I’m gonna die any second.”
“Gave yourself a headache, honey.” Wylan gently rubbed his thumbs over Jesper’s temples to help with the pain and then gave him a slower kiss so Jesper could focus on something else. “Crying so hard like that will tire you out, trust me, I love a good sob.” He gently untangled himself from Jesper’s arms and helped him get out of his outside clothes so they could properly spend the night together.
“I’m supposed to be helping you right now,” Jesper frowned but was too physically spent to do anything but go right where Wylan put him. And where Wylan put him was under the covers with Maple on his bare chest, since changing him into sweatpants and throwing the clothes he wore out into the hamper. “You said you couldn’t sleep, why are you tucking me in?”
“How can I sleep if my love is hurting?” Wylan reminded him that the only way he was going to get some shuteye was if his anxiety was quelled, and his anxiety was only going to go away if Jesper was stable. It was a two for one sort of deal. Wylan pulled his desk chair right up to the edge of the bed, his laptop on it and Jesper’s favourite season of the original animated Transformers series was waiting to be played. He’d turned off the main light and instead turned on his battery operated lights twirling around his bed frame.
“You look so good in those shorts.” Jesper, even with a stuffy nose and pounding headache could appreciate his boyfriend in his pajamas. Wylan laughed breathlessly, crawling into bed in front of Jesper and being his little spoon. Jesper held him tightly, Maple the stuffed fox peeking over Wylan’s shoulder from where he was neatly tucked between their chests. “I love you.”
“I love you most.” Wylan was so at home with his back pressed to Jesper’s chest, relaxing as Jesper’s arms slid around him firmly. This was so right and something he was so sure of, he could take care of Jesper and be taken care of in his arms, this was exactly what they needed.
“If I pass out, don't take it personally…” Jesper pressed his nose to Wylan’s neck lightly and then kissed at his pulse. “Sorry for the meltdown, kinda embarrassing now that I know it’s completely fine.”
“No apologizing,” Wylan reached behind him for Jesper’s hip, softly scratching over the waistband of his sweatpants. “You’re embarrassing in many other ways, never because you’re having a tough time.”
“And you’re my darling angel, baby.” Jesper slightly sunk his teeth into Wylan’s neck and he groaned in disapproval, Jesper was being annoying on purpose. “One episode, because this one is really good, and then I’ll go to sleep. Feel free to be my big spoon when I’m knocked out but I need you to be my teddy bear until I fall asleep.” He pushed his head towards Maple, Wylan’s stuffed animal, and Wylan watched him in the reflection of the laptop screen.
“I’ll be your teddy bear as long as you need me to be,” Wylan had no problem being held and he also had no problem holding Jesper, he’d crawl all over him to make him feel loved and safe if he wanted him to. “Do you want to go for coffee together tomorrow?”
“Are you gonna kill a man?” Jesper didn’t think it would make him love Wylan any less, it actually might do something irreversible to his brain chemistry and make him think it was pretty hot of Wylan. “I want to go anywhere in the world with you.”
“If he forces my hand I have to kill him,” Wylan murmured, tilting his head so he could kiss Jesper’s jawline lightly and then quieted down when Jazz, Jesper’s favourite character began talking. “Yeah? Cause you’re stuck with me, you know?”
“Stuck with you?” Jesper slid his hand up Wylan’s side and chest until he could cup his face comfortably. “Just what I want, I wanna be where you go. Also, you called me ‘baby’ earlier, does it feel that good when I call you it too? Cause I think my stomach fell out, I just don’t have one anymore.”
“Yeah, it feels that good,” Wylan smiled brightly, turning onto his side so he could kiss Jesper properly, he could see his pleading eyes begging for a kiss through the edge of the laptop’s screen. “You’re not even going to pay attention to the show your baby put on for you so you could calm down?”
“Really hard to pay attention to anything when I think about being your baby, I dunno how you get anything done, I’m a menace for that.” Jesper was kissing Wylan as an apology now, for picking a petname that completely undid both of them, and for being so dedicated to Wylan that he forgot crushes existed outside of long term serious relationships. “Oh, shit this is a great scene,” Jesper pulled away from his boyfriend with great effort because he had to or he’d forget what he was gonna say. “Promise you’ll kiss me later?”
“I promise,” Wylan rolled back over so he was neatly tucked against Jesper’s chest and he settled in so he could also watch his boyfriend’s comfort series. Jesper held him tight, fingers curling in Wylan’s pajama shorts as he snuggled into his neck absently. “If I fall asleep it’s cause I’m so comfy…I’m so sleep deprived.”
“Go to sleep, baby, I’ll be here.” Jesper had placed Wylan’s stuffed animal against the crook of his neck so all of them could see the screen and cuddle up against each other. “I’m not going anywhere. My baby and my hyperfixation? I live here now, right here.”
“It was a trap, so you wouldn’t leave.” Wylan joked softly, he didn’t need to trick Jesper into not leaving his bed with his favourite series lined up, he could just crawl into bed and invite him in and neither of them would move for hours. But it was funnier to think about Jesper being so enchanted by a series he’d watched over a hundred times that he couldn’t move until he recited all his favourite scenes like it was some requirement. “See you later honey, if I snore no I didn’t.”
“I’ll be so honest that I won’t be able to hear you over the Autobots.” Jesper was saying this to make Wylan feel better about potentially snoring because he could really only focus on one sound at a time, so if he listened to Wylan snoring like a kitten he wouldn’t hear shit else but if he was listening to Optimus Prime then Wylan could snore as much as he wanted to.
And it did comfort Wylan, who took one look at Jesper softly mouthing the words along and knew he could leave him to get some rest. Wylan was awake one moment and asleep the next, and Jesper held him closer to make sure he knew he’d be safe even fast asleep.
Jesper kept a mental list of all the things he wanted to tell Wylan about when he woke up, and it was like nothing bad had ever happened today. Jesper was so used to keeping Wylan safe and sound that he forgot about himself, forgot that he wasn’t much help when he was crumpling under the pressure of his own mind.
He had such expectations for himself, that he had to be the perfect man for Wylan or Wylan wouldn’t need or want him anymore. It was more true that Wylan wanted Jesper in any capacity, as long as he had him completely and forever. Even a Jesper that was tired or doubting himself or feeling off was still his Jesper, and Wylan wanted to be there for him just as much in these moments.
They were there for each other, snuggled in Wylan’s university dorm room bed, snoring and whispering and safe and sound. It was never going to matter who wanted to tear them apart, because it was never going to work. Jesper’s eyes never strayed, his brain certainly didn’t, he could reroute every single thought to the boy curled up in his arms drooling and snoring.
His heart was right where it belonged, in Wylan’s possession where he knew nothing bad would happen to it. Wylan was gentle and beautiful and protective in a way Jesper felt lucky to know, he’d never been stood up for like this before. He pressed his warm cheek to Wylan’s for a few long seconds and smiled.
If Jesper couldn’t fight for himself, Wylan sure would, and he’d win. If Wylan’s frustration could impress Kaz Brekker, Wylan could scare off anybody who tried to interfere, even if it was Nina’s coworker and his old lab partner. Wylan had little to no remorse when it came to somebody trying to mess with Jesper, Kaz had been on the other end of his fury once, and he’d do it again.
Wylan would do everything again and again, if it meant taking care of Jesper just like he took care of him. Forever and always he’d fight and comfort and love and hold. His whole life ahead of him was a dream of being loved and held, it’s all Wylan had ever wanted and he had it.
He was not about to let it go, he actually couldn’t wait to stop by the cafe tomorrow. Wylan could say a lot without saying anything, if looks could kill, well, Wylan might actually kill a man tomorrow. The thought helped him sleep, that and a big warm boyfriend spooning him and giving him small kisses when he had a second away from quoting Transformers. That also helped, really, really helped.