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Losing something material was not something Wylan did by himself. He never put something down and couldn’t find it later. It would be all he could think about and he knew better. He was meticulous, he was strategic, he was neurotic. To the untrained eye the clutter on his desk or beside his bed would be a mess, but to him or his friends they’d know where things were meant to be.
Wylan Hendriks could think about an item and see exactly where he put it in his head. But he lost his sketchbook. How did he lose it? Maybe he was half asleep? Maybe he left it in class? He shouldn’t have brought it with him around campus if he wasn’t coming straight home.
What if it was in Jesper’s room? Or Nina’s room? How could Wylan bother them with something as little as his sketchbook going missing? He’d check his room again, because maybe he didn’t try hard enough.
He was halfway through working on a gouache painting on a medium sized canvas when he realized he didn’t have any of his sketches out. Wylan went to reach into his bag to pull out his sketchbook to find nothing, and then abandoned his painting to look around the room a few times.
The bedside table, under his pillow, under his blanket, in the laundry hamper, in the bathroom. Wylan tiptoed around Matthias’ side of the room, as if it could have gotten mixed up or mistaken for anything his roommate owned.
He was sitting underneath his desk sorting through older exams and papers when there was a soft tapping at his door. Wylan perked up, he wasn’t necessarily expecting company, but he’d open the door in case it was an emergency or maybe he could help someone out. He crawled out from under his desk, the top of his head brushing the bottom of it and he held it protectively.
“One second!” Wylan pushed his desk chair back into place and placed a stack of papers onto the desk as he scurried to the door. “Hello?” He pulled it open to see Jesper, who might have texted or called but Wylan had hands covered in gouache and didn’t want to mess his phone screen up. “Hi! Oh my God, hi!” The paint had since dried so he didn’t feel bad around reaching both hands up to get a hug from his boyfriend.
Jesper had to do this one handed because there was something in his left hand, but the right arm tucked around Wylan tightly and held him there for a few moments. Wylan rose on his toes when Jesper gently swayed him side to side, pressing a kiss to his jaw and grinning when Jesper sighed wistfully.
“Hey, baby, sorry I didn’t call.” Jesper stepped back half a step so he could see Wylan properly but his hand remained glued to his waist, fingers hooking into the belt loop of his jeans. “Your hair looks so pretty like this…” He kissed the top of Wylan’s head and he flushed bright red, eyes flickering around Jesper’s face as he stared carefully at him.
Nina rarely gave bad fashion advice, and the suggestion that Wylan take one of her claw clips as the weather was getting warmer and Wylan’s curls were getting longer was one of her best moves yet. He wasn’t very good at clasping all his hair into place yet but Jesper liked it that way, adored the pieces of redgold hair that Wylan missed, too much hair for the glittery pale blue clip to hold onto.
“It’s okay, I thought you had track…” Wylan ushered his boyfriend into his room, closing the door behind them and then curling both hands in Jesper’s shirt. “Really? I don’t know what I’m doing, it was just driving me crazy. I was trying to paint and it was in my eyes.”
“You were painting…without me?” Jesper meant this in the way that he loved to lounge around staring at his partner, and he thought Wylan looked the most beautiful when he was focused on something he loved. Maybe he was biased but Wylan was the most skilled artist he’d ever met, he could and had spent hours watching him sketch or paint or sculpt. “I did have track, but I also did something else and I want to show you. Can I show you something?”
Wylan’s right hand dropped from Jesper’s shirt simply because the edge in his boyfriend’s voice leaned toward nervousness. It’s not like Jesper never has moments where he was unsure or not as confident as he’d like to be, but it seemed strange that he was so shaky to share something with Wylan. He tried not to think of all the terrible things Jesper could confess to him right now, he took a deep breath and Jesper did too, he needed one.
Jesper’s warm little smile eased all doubts in Wylan’s mind, because he knew his brain was trying to trick him right now. Jesper saying he did something didn’t mean he was going to be leaving him or confessing to a crime he had to be put away for, maybe he just did something silly. Wylan answered his question by pushing Jesper’s septum piercing back into place, giggling when he was pulled into an appreciative kiss.
“What’d you do?” Wylan walked backwards until he found the edge of his bed and plopped down on it, bouncing lightly. Jesper handed him the first thing that was in his left hand, Wylan’s sketchbook, and he gasped loudly. “I’ve been looking for this all day, I left it in your room this whole time? I should have asked, I was so worried I’d bother you, and it was there.” He was more frustrated with himself than anything, that he could have had this the whole time if he got over thinking people he hung out with everyday secretly thought he was too much.
“So,” Jesper cleared his throat, pressing his fingers together in front of him like he was about to deliver a particularly motivational speech. “Well, I actually took it, so sorry baby, I know that must’ve been so stressful, I’m an ass for that.”
“You took it?” Wylan blinked his eyes as he opened his sketchbook and flipped through it, everything was right where he left it and it didn’t seem like Jesper added to it or took anything away. “You could’ve just asked? I’m not upset or anything, just wondering why you didn’t ask if you could borrow it?”
“Cause I’m a shitty liar, so shit at it.” Jesper nervously pointed finger guns at his boyfriend and Wylan wondered what the hell Jesper had to lie about. They didn’t lie. “If I asked to borrow it you’d ask me why and I’d try to make something up and it would have been worse. Trust me.”
“Asking me to trust you…” Wylan trailed off, because he did trust Jesper, of course he trusted him. But asking to be trusted after taking something of his and admitting the plan included lying to him if he’d been better at it. “Um, is this anything bad? Should I be prepared to throw up or some–you’re stripping? What are you doing? Oh. Oh. Jesper. You didn’t. Jesper. That’s my, Jes, that’s mine. Forever?”
Wylan was babbling and struggling to get his thoughts in order because how else was he supposed to react to Jesper taking his shirt off in the middle of a conversation and revealing he’d gotten his collarbones tattooed. The art on his body was Wylan’s. He took Wylan’s sketchbook so he could get a piece of him tattooed on his body forever. Wylan should have been prepared to throw up, or at least get really light headed and have to swallow his heart that leapt into his throat uncomfortably.
Delicate leaves Wylan had drawn in his sketchbook had been tattooed reaching over Jesper’s collarbones in a mirrored chest piece. Wylan hadn’t realized until now how perfectly the stems fit right where Jesper had gotten them, it’s like he drew them with his body in mind.
“Dad already gave me hell so you don’t have to tell me it was a stupid, because I did it already. I thought a lot about it, for a long time.” Jesper moved to put his shirt back on when Wylan leapt to his feet, resting his hands underneath the tattoos happily protected under the saniderm. “They didn’t change anything from the sketch, it’s an exact copy. I hope you don’t mind, they actually really liked your art, they wanted to see if you’d be interested in something like an art show.”
“Dad knows?” Wylan whispered because Jesper liked to do things behind Colm’s back but recently things have changed, they had always been close but Wylan’s place in their lives, in their house, brought them impossibly closer. “I don’t think it’s stupid, it’s stupidly romantic and I’m not thinking straight–yeah, yeah, I meant properly, I’m always thinking gayly.” He mumbled, he wouldn’t miss the suggestive smirk on Jesper’s face from a mile away. “You’re saying too many things, I’m just a little guy trying to process my boyfriend stealing my sketchbook to secretly get my art tattooed, what? What the hell Jesper? What the fuck?”
Jesper’s eyebrows scrunched a few times as he awaited Wylan’s final verdict, he got that it was a lot and it was quite overwhelming, but he just wanted to know this wasn’t going to ruin everything. So far so good, honestly, Wylan was talking a lot and that was a great sign. When Wylan grabbed him by the hips and leaned up to kiss him it was more than good, it was fantastic and Jesper sighed into his mouth. Thank God, sneaking behind his boyfriend’s back paid off, Jesper thought he was going to die from guilt.
“Sorry? Should I be apologizing?” Jesper was cut off by Wylan’s mouth on his again, both of them so relieved the conversation didn’t go badly. Wylan didn’t care about anything but Jesper marking himself with his art for the rest of his life. “I don’t wanna pressure you, but I want to support you and your art. I think, in my humble, nonartist opinion, that an art show would be sick as fuck.”
“I can’t think,” Wylan wished this was more of a problem, but his hands were on Jesper’s chest and the thought of an art show would have sent him reeling if the tattooed clavicle didn’t do it first. “Did it hurt? How long did it take? I have all the questions, tell me, tell me.” He sat back down on the bed and stretched his arms out to beckon Jesper to come with him, and of course he did, sitting across from his boyfriend.
“I got used to it pretty fast, it’s always gonna hurt on bone like this.” Jesper took Wylan’s hand and gently led it to touch the saniderm very lightly. “Especially here, but they have little squishy toys so I was choking a poor hippo out. Maybe an hour and a half? An hour forty five?” Wylan made sure not to put any pressure on the brand new tattoo as he traced the lines he put in his sketchbook, softly wiggling on the bed excitedly.
“That’s not too bad.” Wylan might be considering a tattoo next but he wasn’t good with pain and he wasn’t good with being alone with a stranger for an hour or two. He’d feel pressured to keep up an interesting conversation, and he’d rather just lie there quietly. “Oh, is that why you had a popsicle earlier?”
“Yeah, they gave me free ice cream.” Jesper snorted, of course Wylan would have figured it out eventually. Jesper’s hand landed on his knee and softly pushed up, small soothing touches smoothed over his leg. “Dropping the art show thing until you feel you can talk about it, okay?”
“Thank you,” Wylan couldn’t form any thoughts worth sharing at the moment, too occupied with one thing to branch off into the next. The weight lifted from his shoulders because Jesper put it on the back burner and he was the best boyfriend ever so he got another kiss, this one on the cheek. “You had a little box in your hand when you got here, was that something too?”
“Oh shit, I forgot about the box,” Jesper turned around to see where he’d left it, it was on the desk chair on its side and he leaned back to grab it. “This just came in the mail and I wanted you to open it. But we can open it later if you’re feeling a little overwhelmed, absolutely no problem, baby, we can just hang out.”
“In the mail?” Wylan loved opening mail, half the fun of ordering things online was opening up packaging. He reached for the box and Jesper handed it over, he’d cleverly scratched out where it was from and Wylan sighed, he’d have to open it now or it would kill him. “Why’re you hiding so much from me, Jes? I’m so fragile and frail and frightened and…I ran out of F-words.”
“Fucking sweet as hell?” Jesper suggested, because he wanted Wylan to smile, and he did, so widely he had to abandon the box for a second to laugh about it. “There you go, baby, don’t worry about my surprises. You know I’d never, ever do something to make things tough for you. If you don’t want it to be a surprise I’ll tell you everything, I just thought it’d be fun, that’s all.”
“It is fun and you are fun.” Wylan pulled at a flap of the box secured with tape and softly strained until it popped open, making the whole bed shift with the effort. Jesper snorted, offering up his without a doubt stronger arms for the job and Wylan shook his head, he’d rip the box open if he had to. “I feel like…I need to eat all this cardboard or something, I don’t know what to do with myself.” He got another part of the box open, shaking out his hand where it got pinched too hard.
“A few options, we can go eat lunch, or we can go eat dessert or you can eat me.” Jesper shrugged casually, grabbing Wylan’s wrist tenderly and kissing the momentarily sore fingers. “Take your time, or don’t, whatever feels best for you. I am just the messenger, the deliverer? The dude that brought the box, the box bringer.”
“So it’s not from you?” Wylan whispered when he got his hand back, being more careful about where he pulled the box open and where his innocent unsuspecting fingers rested. “I didn’t eat lunch today, Jes, I got so focused on my painting.”
“Okay, lunch it is then, early dinner I guess, linner or dunch?” Jesper got both hands on Wylan’s thighs and softly tapped on them, it was clear he needed something to do and Wylan was always happy to help. “Can I see your painting later? Sorry for interrupting but not sorry because my baby’s gotta eat.”
“Did you eat? Getting a tattoo on an empty stomach is not good, Jes, I’m going to be really upset.” Wylan got the box open with one last mighty rip and he looked down at the tissue paper covering up the contents. He looked up at Jesper expectantly, not even the promise of unwrapping something could distract him from making sure Jesper was behaving.
“I did, I had two donuts and a breakfast wrap.” Jesper was proud of himself but failed to mention he only ate because Nina absolutely refused to let him leave the cafe without eating something, she was the one who set Jesper up with the appointment. “It was really good but I think I ate too much cause I had to poop halfway through the session.”
“Did you?” Wylan had sincerely heard about every single bowel movement Jesper has had since they started dating at 17, it was weirder not to hear about what was going on in the bathroom.
“Well that’s why I was so late, even though you didn’t know I was coming. I took fifteen in the bathroom by the library cause I didn’t wanna ruin the ambiance of the tattoo shop.” Jesper could talk about his bathroom adventures all day and Wylan would humor him but that meant the box was never going to be opened. He really wanted Wylan to see what he’d brought him. “We can talk about my shit later, open, open, please.”
“Excuse me for trying to be a caring boyfriend, I care about your gut health.” Wylan mumbled, as if either of them were seriously invested in the conversation and it wasn’t just something they brought up like the weather. “I should probably stop talking about it, what if I open something really nice and I’m just chatting about poop.”
“That’s literally what I’m saying, baby, for your sake you have to change the subject.” Jesper murmured desperately like he didn’t bring it up in the first place, Wylan leaned forward and kissed his boyfriend’s forehead lightly. “Have I told you you’re beautiful today?”
“Yeah, as soon as I woke up.” Wylan bit back a smile, his text good morning usually contained something about how pretty or beautiful or gorgeous he was and it was a great way to wake up. He recommended it completely. “Did I tell you that I’m really grateful for your gentleness and compassion? That I feel much braver about facing the day when you’re with me?”
“You did not until just now,” Jesper’s face got warm and he brought a hand to cup Wylan’s cheek lightly. “I think of you always, constantly, no matter what, sweetheart.” He gave Wylan a small kiss, just light enough that his cheeks flushed pink again. “You have to open the box because I feel like you’re doing it on purpose to like, edge me, I really do.”
“Me? Edge you? But you hate it so much.” Wylan pretended to feel bad about it, touching their noses together as he grabbed the side of the tissue paper and pulled it off to reveal more paper. “You were distracting me, you’re very distracting. I don’t want to open the box, I want to stare at you without a shirt on.”
“I forgot to put it back on.” Jesper admitted, he looked around for his shirt that was abandoned on the floor not too long ago and he scooped it up. “No more excuses, baby, I have put them away.” He slid back into his shirt and grabbed the cardboard box so he could hold it steady while Wylan did the rest. “I’m sincerely losing it.”
“It’s my present, I think you shouldn’t rush me.” Wylan said this was taking piece after piece of tissue paper out of the box, peeking down to see if he could get any hints. Eventually some colour began to seep through the thin paper, something orange. He clasped his hands around the gift, still under a few sheets of tissue paper, and he pulled the whole thing out. “It’s soft, it’s orange…what’s soft and what’s orange?”
“A soft orange.” Jesper blinked at Wylan, genuinely offering an answer and his boyfriend smiled at him. He wasn’t wrong but he doubted he got sent a soft orange in the mail.
Wylan did some more digging, or more appropriately, some peeling. He threw tissue paper away from the prize wrapped up in the center and stared down at what was left in his waiting hands. It was soft and it was orange but it was not a soft orange. It was a stuffed animal, a fox that fit nicely in both of his hands.
“Oh! He’s so cute!” Wylan happily smoothed fur away from the fox’s eyes so he could see properly and he turned the plush around to look at the tail. “Wait, you said it wasn’t from you.” He stroked his hand around the fluffy tail and waited for Jesper to answer.
“Okay so, Dad and I have been thinking about how much you like Snuggles, capital S, Snuggles.” Jesper gestured to where his childhood stuffed animal sat at the top of Wylan’s bed where he was on loan, since Wylan had been having hard nights and sometimes Jesper couldn’t stay over. “It was his idea to get you a plushie of your own, he picked it out and everything, I just told him about bad textures.”
“This is from Dad?” Wylan did not stand a chance trying to be strong about it. His father had violently disowned him, leaving him broken and without a home and Colm Fahey had made everything okay even before he heard the news. Tears tumbled out of his eyes and he didn’t try to stop them, he only brought his hands up to catch them, and soon was just sobbing into his palms.
“Hey, baby, it’s okay…” Jesper scooted closer, wrapping an arm around Wylan and drawing circles on his back with his warm hand. “We thought up a few names but it’s fine if you wanted to do it on your own, I just think you should know dear old Dad suggested Eustace Foxtrot Wimbleton II.”
Wylan made a squeaky sound that came from trying to laugh while very much crying. A shuddering breath wracked through him as he wiped tears from his eyes only for more to come, he looked up at Jesper who had picked up the plush fox and had him kiss tears away from his cheeks.
“Does Dad hate this fox? What did he do to him?” Wylan continued to laugh as best as he could, turning his face away from the soft plush kisses and shaking his head. “I don’t wanna ruin him with my tears…”
“You don’t wanna ruin Eustace?” Jesper, holding the fox with one hand, went in with his free hand and brushed wetness away from Wylan’s flushed face. “My ideas were better, after all I was the four year old genius that named Snuggles. A timeless classic, much like Maple, or Jesper Jr.”
“I wish I could have heard you guys come up with these names,” Wylan smiled through the tears, so overcome with just how much he was loved by the Faheys that he couldn’t hold it back anymore. “Where did Maple come from?”
“The first time we hung out outside of school,” Jesper looked around the room as if the memory made it too hard to look at his boyfriend. “You got maple toffee ice cream and I think about that a lot.”
“Maple Wimbleton.” Wylan sniffed one great sniff, hoping it wasn’t too snotty and unsightly. He took the plush from Jesper’s hand and smiled. “What do you think?”
“I think Dad was fucking with you,” Jesper chuckled softly, leaning in and kissing Wylan’s nose and then turning to mirror the kiss on Maple’s fox snout. “But he’s like me, we like making you laugh.”
“I like that you like to make me laugh.” Wylan wiped his eyes one last time with the back of his hand and tucked his new stuffed animal into his chest. “Was this a really long winded way to tell me you wanted Snuggles back?”
“Nah, I can sleep without him,” Jesper reached over to ruffle Wylan’s hair only to remember the clip holding it in place and instead curled a stray curl around his finger. “Dad just wanted to do this for you, I can’t take any credit at all. Wish I could though, I need to get better at lying.”
“Mm, you’re cuter when you can’t do stuff.” Wylan leaned into Jesper’s touch and then nodded towards his shirt. “Can I see your tattoo again?” Now he could think properly, crying helped a lot, he was centered and focused once more.
“Why yes, Wylan, I will get my tits out,” Jesper eagerly yanked his shirt over his head, in one fluid motion it was off and on the floor again. Wylan and Maple, sitting in Wylan’s lap, inspected the tattoo with more appreciation for how well the sketch translated into ink. “I must be so cute cause I’m bad at lots of stuff.”
“Everybody’s bad at lots of stuff.” Wylan whispered gently, his hand tracing the curves of the leaf closest to Jesper’s heart. “You are so cute, no matter what, just especially cute when you can’t figure stuff out.”
“You know what I couldn’t figure out, and I need your help for this.” Jesper turned around hurriedly so he could grab Snuggles, the stuffed dog, out from under the covers and bring him over to Wylan. “How do you think they know each other? Or did they just meet too?”
“Did you seriously think about it?” Wylan was proven wrong time and time again that he couldn’t love Jesper anymore than he already did. Because here was his boyfriend wondering how their stuffed animals knew each other. “I’d think they just met, but they’d be quick friends.”
“Yeah I really thought about it, and I think Snuggles could be a good older sibling figure.” Jesper reached behind Wylan’s head and took out his hair clip, gently fluffing his curls back into place.
“You think Maple is a baby?” Wylan grinned because he couldn’t help it, he held Maple in both hands and gently nudged him towards Snuggles. “And is Snuggles jealous to not be an only child anymore?”
“I think Maple’s a baby, like literally, the plush was released last year and Snuggles is retired now.” Jesper murmured, because he was apparently very good at memorizing stuffed animal history. “Snuggles is good at taking care of people.” He held his childhood stuffed animal and made him kiss Wylan’s new stuffed animal, and they both burst into giggles.
“Hey, I’m home.” The door softly clunked closed behind Matthias Helvar and Jesper and Wylan jolted like they’d caught doing something illegal and not playing stuffed animals together.
“Welcome home.” Wylan softly placed Maple down on the bed and got to his feet. He held a hand out towards Jesper and he took it just as quickly. “Look what Jes did.”
“What did Jes do?” Matthias dropped his lacrosse bag to the floor, turning to face his roommate’s boyfriend and being met with the sight of his newly tattooed chest. “Oh, man, since when? Since today?”
“Since like an hour ago.” Jesper took out his phone and handed it over to Matthias so he could see the pictures the artist took with their ring light. “Baby’s first tattoo, the rumors are true, hurts sooo bad.”
“It looks so good, why does it look so familiar?” Matthias was zooming up on photos before turning to look at Wylan and he raised an eyebrow. “Isn’t this your art? Or no?”
“It is…” Wylan got all warm at the thought of his art being recognizable and Jesper hooked his arm around Wylan’s waist easily. “He didn’t tell me, he actually stole my sketchbook and let me get anxious about not having it all day.”
“Oh, so you were waiting for Matty to be around to tell me.” Jesper muttered, pressing a kiss to Wylan’s hair and giving his hip a small squeeze. “My next tattoo is going to be WYLAN all caps, on my buttcheek.”
“Well which one?” Matthias asked, having some trouble with the visualization process and Wylan sighed, he didn’t want this to be the new joke.
“I think Wy likes the left one better.” Jesper proceeded to turn around to show off his backside and Wylan rolled his eyes. “Well if you read from left to right, it might actually look better on the left.”
“Jes.” Wylan complained, stepping in front of Jesper bending over to try and protect both Matthias’ innocence and Jesper’s dignity. “You already have my art on your body, don’t put my name on it.”
“Wylan, it’s your turn.” Matthias meant that now Jesper had something of his on his body, it was Wylan’s turn to get something of equal importance.
“He pierced my ear first actually.” Wylan went to spin around to accuse Jesper when he was grabbed around the waist by a hunched over Jesper and lovingly tackled into his bed. “Jes! I’m trying to talk to Matty!”
“I can hear you fine.” Matthias gave a thumbs up as he watched Jesper crawl on top of his roommate, he took this time to throw his dirty clothes from his bag into the hamper. “I need to do laundry soon, what are you doing tomorrow?”
“You guys do laundry together?” Jesper pouted, laying his head against Wylan’s stomach, this way he was effectively still bent over the bed and showing off his ass. “I want to come too, Kaz doesn’t want to be seen with me in public.”
“With that ass?” Matthias straightened out his back and rubbed at where he was sore from practice. “I’m done with class around 4, if that works for you, Wylan.”
“I’m done at 3, gives me time to get my laundry sorted.” Wylan loved having plans, especially when he planned to do chores. He could dedicate a few hours after class to laundry and cleaning up his desk because his paints were not going to be put away tonight. “Do you wanna grab food with us?”
“Nobody asked me what time I’m done.” Jesper sighed loudly, ducking his head under Wylan’s shirt and biting his soft stomach. “I’m thinking we get pasta cause I want complimentary garlic bread from that one place.
“Ooh, garlic bread.” Matthias looked like he was going to say no just because he was being polite until Jesper brought up what was on the menu. “Is it cool if I shower before we head out?”
“Get outta there.” Wylan murmured, lightly pushing Jesper’s head away from his stomach and clasping his shirt tightly against himself so there wasn’t an opening. “Of course, we’ll just wait here then! I’m gonna look at the menu.” He pulled out his phone at the same time that Matthias disappeared into the bathroom.
“I know what my next tattoo is gonna be,” Jesper’s hands slid into the pockets of Wylan’s jeans and he settled on top of him comfortably.
“If you say something about me and your genitals it’s not gonna happen, I’m gonna forbid it.” Wylan looked down at Jesper as he slowly typed in the name of the restaurant they frequented on days they couldn’t stop thinking pasta, like today.
“Property of Wylan,” Jesper snorted because it was funny, it was always going to be funny. Wylan rolled his eyes, trying to be above it, but he was smiling anyways. “I think it’s gonna be Snuggles, in a little heart on my arm, like a vintage Valentine’s Day card.”
“You’re so sweet, and I’m sick of it.” Wylan mumbled, smoothing his hand very delicately over Jesper’s wrapped up tattoo and frowning. “Just how in love with you can I be? There has to be a limit.”
“There’s no limit for me loving you, so I win.” Jesper huffed like the statement hurt his feelings, settling his arms on either side of Wylan’s head so he was hovering over him instead. “What are you gonna reward me with?”
“I can show you my painting.” Wylan brought his hand from Jesper’s collarbone to the back of his neck and pulled him down so they could share a soft kiss. “And you can get your own brownie sundae if you don’t want to share.”
“I wanna share.” Jesper just didn’t think dessert was as good if he wasn’t divvying it up with his boyfriend. If anything Jesper getting his own dessert was a punishment. “Are you gonna show me your painting before or after I force you to have a photoshoot with Maple Wimbleton so Dad knows you liked the gift?”
“Oh, after, for sure after.” Wylan extracted himself from under Jesper and Jesper flopped onto the bed sadly, no longer sharing warmth with his boyfriend. Wylan checked on his hair in the front camera of his phone and then evened out where his glittery eyeshadow was clumping. “Is the lighting good here?”
“Mm, spin around.” Jesper rolled over until he was out of the bed and gently took Wylan’s chin so he could lead him into the light. “There, now give Maple a big hug so Dad can frame it.”
“Where’s he gonna put it?” Wylan spoke between the shutter of Jesper’s phone camera. He was hunched over and crouching down and leaning back, everything he needed to do so he could get a pretty picture of Wylan.
“Maybe beside the photo of me taking Snuggles to the first day of elementary school?” Jesper knew his dad liked to keep the family photos grouped together and themed. Graduation pictures were in one spot and Jesper with Snuggles had an even bigger spot, he’d be thrilled to add Maple to the wall. “And I’m gonna make this my lockscreen, yes I did take it in 0.5.”
“Jesper.” Wylan dropped Maple from where he was being held gently to his cheek and he pouted. “It’s only fair if I also take a bad picture of you.”
“Bad pictures of you don’t exist.” Jesper turned his phone around to show Wylan the photo was already his wallpaper and maybe he’d grown more confident but he actually did look nice despite Jesper’s best efforts to take a silly photo. “I have so many pictures of you drooling in your sleep and you still look stunning.”
“Do I drool that much?” Wylan wasn’t aware he’d done it more than once, but it seems Jesper had a whole album. “To be fair, bad photos of you are just you moving too fast so you look like a creature of the night.”
“I am a creature of the night.” Jesper pulled Wylan’s desk chair out and patted it expectantly. He got out of bed and realized he had no idea what he even wanted to say about his painting. “Show and tell, please and thank you.”
“Since you asked so nicely.” Wylan sat down and cleared his throat, nothing was really coming to mind. “I just wanted to play with colour to be honest, I never use this shade of green so I was testing it out.”
“Oh, oh, I know, I know.” Jesper leaned over the desk chair and over Wylan’s shoulder, the familiar warmth of them so close together was more than welcome. “This is Prairie Flax right? There was a lot when we walked the trail behind the library.”
“Uh huh, it is…” Wylan flushed a soft pink because he liked when Jesper paid attention to him and not just him physically though he liked that too. He liked when Jesper could repeat back what he’d told him months ago, and that Jesper seemed to have an archive of all things Wylan hanging out in his brain.
“Why’d you get so red?” Jesper walked two of his fingers down Wylan’s shoulder to his forearm and he shivered without meaning to. “Does my wildflower knowledge distract you?”
“Only cause I taught you it all,” Wylan spun around in his desk chair and stared up at Jesper, cheeks only getting more flushed. “Being seen by you is something so important to me, I don’t know how else to say it.”
“I hope I see you all the time.” Jesper rested their foreheads together so he may transfer his feelings directly into Wylan’s brain and Wylan tried to do the same, both of them giggling and moving to get closer. “Can you hear me thinking about how good it is to be with you? Really be with you?”
“Maybe.” Wylan wondered how strong his desk chair was because he didn’t want to get up but he wanted Jesper’s body on him again. It wasn’t even about him being physically against him, it was the warmth and security, the willingness to accept Wylan. “Can you hear me thinking about breaking this chair? Oh, wait, that’s not what–”
“Wylan Hendriks.” Jesper gasped, one of his hands shooting to clasp at his chest in shock. He’d heard him say worse but it was still a funny bit to keep up. “That’s very uncouth and I don’t know another word, naughty.”
“I meant physically break it, that’s still not what I meant, it still sounds bad. I meant like snap it in half, oh my God that sounds even worse. I mean the chair wouldn’t be able to take the force, oh I have to shut up.” Wylan groaned because he knew what he was trying to say but just couldn’t say it and Jesper was very excited that Wylan was struggling with getting his thoughts in order because it was usually the other way around.
“I don’t know if I have it in me to do all of that.” Jesper offered Wylan both of his hands and he took them, letting himself be pulled to his feet. “Snuggles? Not the dog, but me, snuggle me?”
“Yeah, I’d love to.” Wylan followed Jesper into his bed, letting himself topple over and beaming when both Maple and Snuggles were entrusted to him. “I think Matty’s taking an everything shower, we have plenty of time for a cat-nap.”
“Good cause I’m so sleepy after track and a tattoo, I was such a brave boy.” Jesper looked at Wylan with those hopeful grey eyes of his and Wylan stroked his hand over his warm cheek.
“You are a brave boy, also tricksy for stealing from me and going behind my back.” Wylan was making fun, because he liked when Jesper scrambled to make things up to him like he hadn’t been the sweetest about the whole thing. “Don’t make that face, you know I’m kidding, Jes.” He smiled when Jesper’s left eye closed as he nuzzled into his palm slowly.
“Do I know though? You might think I’m tricksy.” Jesper couldn’t even say this without scrunching up his nose, just because it was so unlikely that either of them would say tricksy in a serious context. “Surprising you is not the same as doing stuff behind your back…”
“Technicaaaally…” Wylan softly sang and Jesper grinned at the sound, of course he had perfect pitch even when he was making a joke. “Here, honey.” He took Maple and pressed the fox’s nose to Jesper’s cheek and he laughed breathlessly. “See? You trust us, don’t you?” Then he let Snuggles in on it, giving Jesper another kiss from a stuffed animal.
“Maple and Snuggles didn’t call me tricksy.” Jesper rested his head against Wylan’s chest, closing his eyes almost instantly and yawning seconds later. “You’re lucky imma wake up and forget this whole thing.”
“Hoping on it.” Wylan was of course joking again, but it seriously would happen, Jesper has been exhausted like this before and forgotten whole conversations in favour of snoring instead. “I’ll wake you up when it’s time to go eat. I love you.”
“I love you most.” Jesper tucked his arm around Wylan neatly, scooping up both Snuggles and Maple so they were pressed right to his head. “I’mnotgonnawakeup.”
“What?” Wylan reached for his phone on the bedside table and looked at Jesper burrowed into his chest with two plushies hiding his face through the camera, innocently snapping photos for later. “Snuggles, Maple, and Mumbles.”
“Mmmmg.” Jesper might have been trying to say something but settled for muffled laugh, grinning into Wylan’s shirt.
Colm received photos of not only Wylan showing off his new bedtime buddy but also of Jesper completely passed out under a pile of fluff. Sometimes a family was a father, his son, his son’s boyfriend and their stuffed animals that were apparently adoptive siblings.
To Wylan and Jesper it was silly and heartfelt and all about comfort, but to Colm this was all his dream come true, his pride and joy. It was one thing for his son to be having a good time away from home at school, but it was another to have a support system he could trust so he could stop worrying about him all the damn time.
A stuffed dog and a stuffed fox just happened to be part of the support system. Colm couldn’t be happier, Jesper couldn’t be safer, and Wylan couldn’t be more relaxed. Somebody who lived with a lot of fear until recently like Wylan had a bit of trouble letting go of being on the edge the whole time, but it helped, all of it helped.
His hand brushed over Jesper’s hair lovingly as he watched his sleep, listening to huffy little snores leaving his parting lips. He looked so comfortable with Wylan, and maybe that’s all he needed to see. Wylan could relax because he knew he was capable of something other than messing up and being punished.
He’d never have to be punished ever again. Wylan breathed in a sigh as Colm’s text came through, he spoke in lots of emojis which was easier for Wylan anyways. He has dad-thumbs, slow at typing on a phone screen and unable to navigate it. Colm sent the dog, the pink heart with sparkles and the fox.
Wylan didn’t know it could ever be such a relief to have a dad, but now it was a thought constantly bouncing around in his head. He was thankful his dad, Jesper’s dad, had taken him in and texted him about his day, about his classes, about when they’d come home to visit him next.
Wylan didn’t know he could ever be wanted in someone’s life like this, not like a lover, not like a friend, but like a family member, like somebody’s child. He pulled his throw blanket up over his boyfriend’s curled up sleepy body and kissed him on the temple.
Blessings come in all shapes and sizes, during strange times and when you need them most. Wylan never would have thought high school yearbook would have given him a blessing big enough to change his entire life, and here he was, his blessing, sleeping like a baby on top of him.
He thought about Jesper coming to him for comfort, he thought about Jesper resting his head against him constantly throughout high school, about Jesper needing to be touching him at all times to calm him down. Maybe, Wylan might have been a blessing in his own right.
He’d never admit it but if he posed the question to Jesper he’d have a report on his desk by the next day. Jesper was very convincing, Wylan might just have to believe him. He didn’t need convincing that he was loved though, not anymore.
Wylan could feel it, he could physically feel that he was loved. He didn’t know how he’d gone so long without it, now it was his lifeline. Jesper, and Snuggles, and Maple, they were his life. Wylan smiled up at the ceiling, his free hand stroking fake fur and thinking about father and son on a mission to find him a piece of comfort.
He brought comfort with him everywhere, Jesper’s warmth and Colm’s acceptance and Nina’s reassurance and Inej’s perseverance and Matthias’ openness and even Kaz’s quiet protection. Wylan had an abundance of comfort, he still didn’t know what to do with it and he didn’t know if he ever would.
But he had it, comfort and love and people that would be with him every step of the way. He would never be alone ever again, not since them, not since Jesper. Not since the sun shone down on him and decided to stay put if Wylan let him, and Wylan only wanted him closer.