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Madara squints through the scope at a head of blond hair, taking his time.
There's no rush, it's a beautiful day under a clear blue sky, and the sun that shines down doesn't glint off the barrel of his sniper rifle.
He exhales slowly and his finger slowly tightens. Squeeze, squeeze, squeeze... and the trigger breaks smoothly, the boy in his sights collapsing bonelessly to the ground.
He grins and twitches his gun to the left.
One target down, ten to go.
"Fuck!" Naruto yanks off his headset, throwing in onto the table next to his laptop. "Who got me?!"
"Not me," Sasuke may sound like he doesn't care, but the way he's the fastest to respond means something and Naruto knows it. "Did you see where it came from?"
"How could he?" Sakura toes his dead body on the screen and Naruto makes a face at her, uncaring that she can't see it. "He got headshot."
He can't help feeling rewarded when her forehead sprouts a hole too, and she falls down like a puppet with its strings cut. He can hear her outraged screeching through the abandoned headset and he debates putting it back on before he yanks it over his ears anyway.
He does turn the sound down first though.
"Ah shit." Shikamaru doesn't look annoyed, but he's quick to put his back against Ino's. "I know we left PvP on, but weren't we the only ones on this server...?"
Apparently not, and Naruto winces as a flurry of shots ring out, taking them all out one after the other until Sasuke's the only one left.
A rather short man hops down out of the trees, pistol already up, and Naruto squints at the screen, trying to figure out the identity of this new player whose team just massacred them. Nothing stands out though, the character skin is just the boring basic default, with no custom items apart from the weapon.
"Hey kid," the voice isn't recognisable to him either, but It must be to Sasuke from the way his eyes widen.
"Izuna-sama?!" Naruto's best friend looks really, really, shocked and Naruto wonders who this is in real life.
"Too bad for you," Izuna-sama sings the words, grinning cheerfully, if slightly sadistically, as he presses the muzzle of his gun to Sasuke's forehead. "You're playing with the big boys now."
The last shot snaps out, and Naruto groans when the screen goes grey as it declares the Konoha 12 defeated.
"Fucking hell, Sasuke!" Ino is banging angrily on her keyboard, he can hear her. "Who was that?!"
"I'd quite like to know that too," Shino is perfectly polite as always, but there's definitely a threat hidden in the words. "If you'd care to tell me."
Thankfully for Sasuke, a chat window pops up, overlaying the button to restart the level.
'Hi!' The words are bright yellow but that's not the important part. Naruto can feel his eyes go big at the screen name, and he's not the only one.
"P-professor?" It's a whisper, but Hinata's shock is clear. "Professor Hashirama?"
'This is a pretty good game, isn't it?' Naruto can practically hear the chatty tones of their Strategy & War professor in the words and he bets the rest of them can too. 'Very fun, with some intriguing elements of realism!'
"Yes," Sasuke sounds terribly subdued, and Naruto winces to hear him. "We play it a lot."
'I could tell from the extra page Naruto included in his last essay!' The letters appear rapidly, typed out with their professor's usual speed and Naruto flinches as he's mentioned.
The chorused scream of his name from Sakura and Ino only emphasises how dead he is.
'Your tactics really aren't bad, but I thought you could use a demonstration of their weaknesses.' The man still crouching over Sasuke's dead body and looting it only drives home the point. 'Hands on learning is always better and it's not like I could run you all through SERE.'
The dead silence which greets that idea shows what they all think of it.
'Plus I did pick On War as part of the required reading list for a reason you know!' To heap indignity upon defeat, Professor Hashirama adds an innocent angel emoji to his not very subtle reprimand to do better.
"And now we all see why." Shikamaru's voice is desert dry as he rejoins the level. "I presume you want to play again?"
"I'm in!" Tenten actually sounds cheerful as she spins her oversized shotgun in a wide arc. "Always happy to learn from an expert in the field!"
"This will be fun!" Lee shouts into his headset and Naruto turns the volume down even further. "Thank you, Professor!"
Still, he hits the button anyway.
It's not like he had anything else planned for tonight.
Neji ducks and weaves, fending off punches and kicks.
He doesn't know who this is but the man is fast, possibly faster than him, using a player character that's obviously been optimised for speed over brute force. It makes them a good match, and Neji's already spotted several moves he can copy.
The hits that he's taking are also a painful lesson in where he has to improve.
"Time!" Professor Hashirama's order comes through clearly on his headset. "Swap partners!"
Neji steps back and bows, using the pause to stretch out his fingers and flex his aching wrists. He hasn't had a challenge like this in a long time.
"One moment, love." The sniper doesn't let go of Hinata, nudging at her foot to adjust her stance. "I want to get this sorted so she'll remember it."
It's the first time any of them have heard him speak and Neji freezes in recognition.
He's not the only one either.
"Professor Madara?!" Naruto points dramatically. "You killed me!"
"Oh yeah," Izuna-sama is laughing and his amusement sounds slightly evil. "You didn't know about nii-san being married to Hashirama."
No.
No, they didn't.
Looking around, Neji can see shock on everyone's faces.
Bad enough that one of their professors decided to spring this on them today, let alone two.
"Congratulations on your marriage!" Naruto is the only one who seems unbothered. "But seriously! Can you show me that headshot?"
"Sure, kid." Professor Madara grins bloodthirstily and Neji can't believe he didn't recognise that expression before. "You've got your priorities right."
Neji watches the two of them walk off to talk rifles and shakes his head.
Well, at least Professor Madara likes one of them.
Maybe this will be the semester Naruto doesn't fail.