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They don’t talk anymore.
They will never go back to how it was before.
It’s disappointing. It’s disappointing because Zhongli meant the world to him. He would drop anything and everything for him. He would go to impossible lengths just to see Zhongli smile. Now everything has been trashed.
But just because they don’t talk anymore doesn’t mean he’s forgotten about Zhongli. In reality, all he ever does is think about Zhongli. Everywhere he goes there’s a trace of Zhongli in everything he does.
Just because they don’t talk anymore doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about Zhongli anymore. He cares so much about Zhongli even though he knows he shouldn’t. Even after everything, he hopes that Zhongli’s doing well even without him.
He desperately wants to reach out to Zhongli and talk to him. He wants to ask how his day was and how he is. He wants to talk to him about a new hobby he’s picked up and ramble to him about his siblings.
But every time he goes to reach out he’s hit with the reality that their strangers again.
Zhongli doesn’t want him in his life and Childe has to accept that. He can’t force a bond with someone that doesn’t want anything with him. Romantically or platonically.
But even though they don’t talk anymore because of Zhongli not wanting to be acquainted with him. He wants Zhongli to know that he’s there for him. Without hesitation, he will always be there for Zhongli.
He wants to let Zhongli know that he will offer his shoulder for him to cry on and an ear to listen to his troubles. It doesn’t matter what time it is or what he may be doing. He will drop everything for Zhongli.
He wants to let Zhongli know that he shouldn’t hesitate to speak to him because half the time he wants Zhongli to speak to him again. He wishes they were talking again because he misses Zhonglis's presence.
He misses his best friend.
He misses him so much that it’s sad. It’s sad to see a man devote himself to someone who doesn’t love him anymore. Everyone around him looks at him with pity. He knows they all share the same thought, “How hasn’t he moved on yet?”
He was aware that he needed to move on since being stuck on someone was unhealthy. It wasn’t fair to let himself suffer because of unrequited love. Yet despite that, he let himself suffer. He allowed himself to suffer because he loved Zhongli so much.
He also felt validated. He thought that as long as Zhongli didn’t have someone standing next to him, it was okay. It was fine for him to continue loving Zhongli as long as he didn’t love someone new.
Then his whole world came crumbling down.
He found out that Zhongli had found the person he’d been looking for. He was jealous at first then he was consumed with sadness. He went from wishing it was him to knowing it wouldn’t be him. He wished he knew it wasn’t him. If he had known things would’ve been different.
If he knew he wasn’t the person for Zhongli everything would’ve been different. He would’ve never approached Zhongli. He would’ve never talked to him. He would’ve never befriended him. He would’ve never made him part of his day-to-day routine.
He would’ve never fallen in love with him.
Even after a whole year since they’ve broken up he wonders to himself why he can’t move on. Zhongli moved on so quickly. He forgot about him in such a little amount of time and he still hasn’t forgotten when Zhongli first told him he loved him.
There’s a part of him that’s desperate to know if his absence did affect Zhongli or if he’s silently suffering because he isn’t there anymore.
He wants to know if Zhongli has any sleepless nights because of him. He wants to know if he too also stays up thinking about what they could’ve been.
He wants to know if Zhongli’s heart is hollowed like his. He wants to know if there’s a space that can’t be filled by anyone except for him.
He wants to know if he’s not the only one hurting from this. Even though it’s been a year he wants to know if they both are suffering or if it’s one-sided.
He just wanted to know if he meant anything to Zhongli. That’s all he wanted to know.
Nothing prepared him for the shock he had during school. He saw Zhongli with his new partner.
Who happened to be his best friend. Or used to be best friend.
How could someone stoop so low? Did Kaeya really have to do that to him?
He sees them so happy and in love. He feels so envious not because their happy and in love. No, he’s envious of Kaeya. He got so close to Zhongli in such a little amount of time and Zhongli still gives him the cold shoulder.
He sees them and they're so happily in love and it’s insufferable. But he's going to turn the other way and ignore the fact they were coddling in front of him. He has to force himself to suck it up. It’s been a whole year and everyone expects him to be over Zhongli.
But he isn’t. He doesn’t think he ever will be. It sucks. It makes him want to die.
He would give anything to just not think about what Zhongli’s doing. He wants to forget about everything Zhongli related.
He doesn’t want to know what Zhongli is doing. He doesn’t want to know how Zhongli may be feeling. He doesn’t want to know about Zhongli’s life.
He doesn’t want to know about Zhongli and Kaeya. He doesn’t want to know if Kaeya is treating Zhongli better than he ever did.
He doesn’t want to know if Kaeya is doing everything he didn’t do with Zhongli. He doesn’t want to know if Kaeya isn’t fucking up like he always did.
He wants nothing to do with it.
He played himself. He shouldn’t have fallen in love with Zhongli. Everyone told him how Zhongli wasn’t the guy for him. But he turned a blind eye.
He should’ve listened to all the warning signs he had gotten. If he had just listened he wouldn’t have been suffering this much. He would’ve been happy and not miserable.
But here he is now.
He can’t get Zhongli out of his head.
But even though Zhongli was not the one for him like he had hoped and desperately wanted it to be.
He hopes Zhongli is truly happy with Kaeya.
He hopes Kaeya is taking good care of him. He hopes Kaeya can love Zhongli like how he loved him. Zhongli deserves happiness with or without him. He’s out of his life for a reason.
But that doesn’t stop the thoughts of reaching out to Zhongli. There are fleeting moments where he believes Zhongli wants him to reach out.
He wants to hear from him again. He wants to talk to him. He wants to listen to what he has to say. He wants to resolve their issues.
It’s wishful thinking, he knows that, but he lets himself believe that it may be true. Yet, he doesn’t take the risk. He’s too afraid of the repercussions.
If he does end up reaching out and they become friends again, he knows it won’t be the same. Zhongli won’t talk about himself, he’ll talk about anything other than himself.
He knows that Zhongli will boast about how amazing Kaeya is and that would just hurt him. It would hurt so much that he wouldn’t know how to suck up the pain.
He’s used to Zhongli talking about himself, not other people. Especially about the guy he’s dating. Who happened to be his old best friend.
Yet, if he does end up reaching out to him and Zhongli just treats him like a regular stranger he talks to now and then. That would hurt even more knowing their history.
They don’t love anymore.
Zhongli doesn’t love him anymore.
It hurts.
What was all that for?
What was all that love for just for it to be extinguished?
People say memories are for the heart and for one to look back at with a smile on their face, but all he feels is deep sorrow.
He can’t think about a memory of Zhongli without beginning to tear up. It hurts to think about Zhongli in a good light knowing he isn’t the good person he used to know.
His heart breaks every time he thinks about a memory. He can hear the way it shatters whenever he thinks about something Zhongli did with him and how his thoughts run to how he must be doing it with Kaeya now.
It’s too much for him.
He can’t reach out to Zhongli and talk to him like they used to. Zhongli stopped talking to him and as much as it hurts it was for the best.
Zhongli doesn’t love him anymore. He stopped loving him a long time ago and gave his heart to someone new. He needs to move on for his own good.
What he had with Zhongli was fleeting but it was impacting. It impacted him so much that he’s still thinking about this even a year later. Yet that’s what it was, fleeting. It was meant to be short-lived. He needs to accept that nothing will happen between them again.
Zhongli will never be the guy he used to know. He's no longer the guy he fell in love with. He’s now someone new and for someone else to love. He’s changed now and he needs to learn to accept that.
Yet he still thinks to himself how it’s such a shame that they don’t talk anymore like how they used to.
It’s such a shame that they don’t love anymore like how they used to love.