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Chapter Text

There was a jar of Nutella in his kitchen. 

Not something that was typically out of place in a kitchen, Eddie knew. But it was certainly out of place in his kitchen. 

Don't get him wrong, Nutella was good. Eddie didn't hate it. Christopher loved it, and would happily go through a jar a week if Eddie would let him. Which is exactly why Eddie didn't buy Nutella. Why spend nine dollars on a jar, when he could spend half that on a jar of non-brand name hazelnut spread that tasted exactly the same? 

So not only was having the Nutella in the house itself a mystery, but Eddie had found it at the very back of the top shelf of the pantry behind the spare rolls of paper towels, which struck him as an odd place to keep a spread. A spread that he definitely hadn’t bought. 

For a brief moment, Eddie wondered if it was Carla's, until he remembered that she made a point of avoiding hazelnuts, because her husband was deathly allergic to them. Eddie frowned at the jar on the kitchen island, as though waiting for it to reveal its origin story. Alas, the jar refused to give up its secrets.

"Christopher?" 

"Yeah, Dad?" 

"Come here for a sec, please?" 

Christopher had previously been tasked with cleaning his bedroom while Eddie cleaned the kitchen. Neither were thrilled with their assigned chores- Christopher because "it's Buck, Dad," as though Buck had long since hit his quota for visits to the Diaz household that required a semi-presentable house prior to his arrival; and Eddie because, well, he hated cleaning the kitchen. So Eddie wasn't surprised as Christopher's task was immediately abandoned at Eddie's call. 

When his son entered the kitchen doorway, steadying himself on the door frame in lieu of his crutches, Eddie raised an eyebrow and pointedly flickered his gaze between Christopher and the jar of Nutella and waited. Christopher's nose crinkled in a way that was both adorable and rather alarmingly like Buck, which immediately gave Eddie his answer as to the jar's origin. 

“Care to explain this, kid?” 

Christopher giggled. Actually giggled, with a smile that suddenly reminded Eddie more of his best friend than himself or Shannon, which Eddie had never noticed before and he couldn’t mark the moment that Buck had become so deeply ingrained in their lives that he was able to pass on mannerisms to his son. 

“It’s a secret!” Christopher replied.

Eddie kept on frowning, not thrilled with the idea of his son keeping secrets from him- even when the other party was Buck, who Eddie trusted beyond anyone else. Even when that secret was about something as small as a jar of Nutella. 

“Hello!” Buck’s voice sang out before Eddie could tell Christopher as such, his cheerful greeting accompanied with the familiar sounds of the front door closing behind him and his shoes being kicked off. 

“Buck!” Christopher exclaimed excitedly, like he hadn’t seen Buck just two days ago. 

“Hey, Chris!” Buck replied just as excitedly as he entered the kitchen, beaming at Christopher as he slung an arm around his shoulders gently. “What’s up, kid?”

Christopher giggled again, and Buck’s gaze found Eddie. “Hey, Eds. Wh-?”

Eddie watched Buck take in his expression and then find the jar of Nutella on the island in front of him.

“Uh…” Buck said, his grin turning sheepish as one hand went up to rub at his neck. “You, er, you found that.”

Eddie said nothing, but crossed his arms over his chest. He could wait Buck out. They both knew it. 

Christopher knew that too apparently, because he disappeared down the hall to finish cleaning his room without Eddie saying anything to him. Buck looked after him almost wistfully, before he reluctantly returned his gaze to Eddie.

“Listen, Eddie,” Buck began, and Eddie quirked an eyebrow even higher at him. He couldn’t wait to see how Buck tried to charm his way out of this one. 

“It’s just like, a treat. Sometimes. You know?”

Eddie scored that a solid one out of ten as a response. Disappointing. Really, he expected better. 

“Nine dollars,” he said. “Nine dollars, Buck. For a spread that tastes exactly the same as the four dollar jar.”

Buck wrinkled his nose the same way Christopher had. “It really doesn’t, Eds.”

Eddie rolled his eyes. “Of course it does. It’s just hazelnuts.” 

Buck didn’t look at all convinced. 

“How long has this even been here?” Eddie demanded.

Buck blinked at him innocently. “A few days?”

Eddie narrowed his eyes, picking up the jar and unscrewing the lid. Sure enough, the surface only had a few dents. But Buck’s fidgeting right now was more than was warranted by a few days.

That was better. Cute. Four out of ten. But not good enough to get past Eddie. 

“Not this particular jar, Buck,” he said sternly. “How long have you been stashing Nutella in my kitchen?”

Buck’s face scrunched thoughtfully. “Uh… you know, I don’t know?”

“Before Thanksgiving!” came Christopher’s helpful response from beyond the room. 

And yeah, that tracked. Between Eddie being rather in his head with the fight club situation (which is how it would now be referred- even if Buck snorted every time) and Buck’s presence in the Diaz home once again becoming a familiar and expected sight following the fallout of the lawsuit; Eddie had no trouble believing Buck would use a jar of Nutella hidden in the cupboard in an effort to make it up to Christopher for disappearing on him. Apparently Christopher was easily bought. 

Well, that’s what happens when you bribe an eight-year-old. 

Eddie levelled Buck with a knowing look, and Buck grinned sheepishly. Eddie grit his teeth, trying to cling onto his rapidly dissolving annoyance. Because of course Buck was still trying to make it up to Christopher for not being around while the lawsuit had been pending. Despite the fact that it had been four months since Buck’s triumphant return to movie nights their next Friday off after Halloween, and that Christopher had forgiven Buck for everything the moment Eddie had opened the front door to his rather tentative knock, and before Buck had said anything more than “Hey buddy!” to him. 

Eddie briefly wondered just how many jars of Nutella had been in his house unbeknownst to him since November, and how much money that was; and then decided he really didn’t want to know. 

“I swear, Eds, it’s just a little thing,” Buck said earnestly, his eyes widening beseechingly. “It’s not something he gets all the time I’m here. And if you really hate it, I’ll stop. It’s just that, it was like this inside joke we had, you know?”

And Eddie caved. 

With a sigh, he slid the jar across the island towards Buck. Christopher had nothing on Evan Buckley’s puppy dog eyes- hopefully Buck didn’t pass that on to Chris next. 

“He only gets it on movie nights when you’re here,” he said sternly, pointing at Buck. He had to at least pretend to have some kind of boundary here. “And when you have kids, I’ll get even.”

Buck had been nodding eagerly at Eddie’s first condition, but scoffed at his second. 

“Eds, you sound like you’re going to steal my firstborn and lock them in a tower,” he grinned, turning on his heel and leaving the kitchen. “Yo, Chris! Wanna try and make that Nutella frozen yoghurt recipe I found last week?” 

Eddie’s sigh was lost by Christopher’s excited cheer echoing through the house. And he’d never admit it, but the frozen yoghurt was really good, although he’d had to protest that it was February.

“We’re in California, Eddie,” Buck had rolled his eyes in return and Christopher had just giggled.

“I spoke to Maddie today,” Buck said as he helped Eddie clean the kitchen after they’d eaten. 

“About?”

“Chim’s birthday next month. She wants to do a little gathering at the bar. You know, a little pool and karaoke kinda thing. We’re not on shift that night, you in?”

Eddie glanced over his shoulder towards the calendar. “I’ll have to check with Abuela if she minds watching Chris for a bit, but sure. Any gift ideas for Chim?”

Buck wrinkled his nose. “Last year I got him one of those scratch posters- one thousand movies you have to see in your lifetime or something. He seemed to like that, because he’d seen a lot of them. But he wasn’t dating my sister last year… does that matter?”

Eddie paused from wiping down the counters. “Well, the last year has been kind of a lot for him,” he pointed out.

If he remembered correctly, it had been just a few weeks after his birthday that Chim had been wounded when Doug took Maddie. Buck flinched at the reminder, and Eddie clasped his shoulder sympathetically. 

“Come on, let’s see what movie Chris picked out for us,” he said and Buck nodded, flashing Eddie a smile that wasn’t quite genuine. 

Even after the Nutella jar had been discovered, Eddie still had questions. Namely, why Buck and Christopher insisted on keeping it hidden even after Eddie knew about it. But also, why a jar of Nutella was an “inside joke” as Buck had described it. And if Eddie didn’t love the bond that his best friend had with his son so much, maybe he would have pushed more. But instead, he turned a blind eye to the jar, ignoring Christopher’s giggles that inevitably floated through the house at some point when Buck was over and Eddie wasn’t in the room. Honestly, after the year that they’d each had, Eddie couldn’t begrudge anything that made his son giggle like that and made Buck smile like that- even if he didn’t understand it. 

It was about a month after Eddie’s discovery of the jar when he finally got the missing piece that made it all click into place.

Hen and Karen had foolishly offered to host Christopher and Harry on their weekend off for a sleepover with Denny, which left Eddie with nothing to do on a Friday night except laundry and bills. Buck immediately dragged him to Chimney’s for dinner with him and Maddie instead, and Eddie only put up a token protest. 

“No Albert?” he asked Chim.

“No, he’s gone camping in Joshua Tree for the weekend,” Chim said. “Because someone told him that it was a good idea.”

“Whoa,” Buck protested from the kitchen, where he was standing by Maddie. “Don’t blame me, all I did was tell him that he should explore California and show him some apps where he could make some friends.”

Eddie’s gut curled up uncomfortably, although he wasn’t sure why. Of course Buck had stepped up to help Albert make friends in California; he knew what it was like to be in a new place where you knew few or no people. That was just the kind of guy Buck was. Maddie slapped his hand away as he grabbed a snow pea from the chopping board before her. 

“Hey, hands,” she shooed him away. “God, Evan. Who raised you?”

“You,” Buck grinned at her, backing away from her. 

Maddie smiled reluctantly, shaking her head fondly as she turned back to the vegetables. 

“They keep making jokes like that,” Chim murmured to Eddie. “At this point, I’m not sure if I really want to know the truth. You?”

Eddie glanced over towards Buck as he leaned back against the wall near the kitchen, his long legs crossed at the ankle and his smile carefree as he talked with Maddie enthusiastically. From the gestures he was making, Eddie figured he was telling her about the skateboard they’d made for Christopher. 

“I have a lot of questions,” he admitted to Chim. “And a lot of theories I really want to be wrong about. But I don’t know how to ask.”

Chim nodded grimly. “Yeah,” he agreed. 

Maddie’s cooking was delicious, and as much as Eddie loved his son, it was nice to have a night of conversation with just adults. 

They’d ordered in for dessert from some new bakery that Maddie was “dying” to try; which ended with Chimney getting a call from the UberEats driver claiming “I can’t find your door, can you come meet me downstairs?”  

Chimney picked up his keys and pocketed his phone, grumbling. “What’s the point of ordering delivery if I have to go out anyway to find them?” he complained.

“It’ll be fine,” Maddie said soothingly, straightening up from the dishwasher. “I’m sure they’re not far, they probably just got lost.”

“Fine, but I want to change the tip I’m giving him,” Chim called back, already halfway out the door.

Maddie rolled her eyes and Buck chuckled but Eddie thought that was fair enough. The door to Chim’s building wasn’t exactly hard to find. 

The door had barely closed behind Chim when Maddie turned from the kitchen sink. “Buck,” she hissed, holding up two spoons. 

Why she was whispering, Eddie had no idea. But Buck’s face broke into a grin as he turned to his sister and spotted the spoons, and he jumped to his feet at once. Eddie watched bewilderedly as Buck moved through the kitchen and followed Maddie’s directions, reaching into a top cupboard that both Maddie and Chim would need a step up to reach, but Buck managed easily. When Buck’s hand emerged from the depths of the cupboard clutching a jar of Nutella, something in Eddie’s chest warmed immediately. He watched as Maddie unscrewed the jar, and she and Buck both dipped their spoons into the jar. Buck crammed his spoon hurriedly into his mouth and hastily replaced the jar in its hiding spot, while Maddie was a little more graceful with her spoonful; although she still turned away just as hurriedly as her brother had as the front door opened once more. 

“The guy managed to find the door in the two seconds it took me to put shoes on,” Chim grumbled, shutting the door behind him. 

Eddie watched from the corner of his eye as Maddie swiftly and secretively handed her spoon to Buck behind her back. 

“Well, at least we got it, right?” she asked brightly, moving forward to take the bag from him. “Here hon. Buck and I will handle dessert, you sit.”

Chim didn’t argue, dropping down onto the couch next to Eddie.

“The Nutella?” he asked quietly as Maddie and Buck busied themselves in the kitchen. 

Eddie blinked. “Yeah,” he said. “How’d you know?”

Chim grinned slightly. “They aren’t subtle.”

Eddie cracked a grin too. “No,” he agreed. “But why…?”

Chimney glanced over his shoulder towards the kitchen again. “I think their parents never bought it for them,” he murmured. “When Maddie got her first summer job, that was the first thing she bought with her paycheck- a jar of Nutella that she hid for them.”

Eddie’s heart melted as everything slid into place. 

“I mean, their parents got the no-name brand version,” Chimney was saying, but his voice was rather distant over the rush of affection coursing through Eddie’s ears. “Half the price and tastes exactly the same, right? That’s what I get. But Maddie says-”

“It doesn’t taste the same,” Eddie finished for him. 

“It does,” Chimney insisted, clearly taking Eddie’s comment as his stance on the matter. “But if Maddie wants to spend ten bucks on a jar and keep a stash here, I don’t care. And I know it’s there, and she knows I know. But she insists on hiding it, like some kind of-”

“Inside joke,” Eddie managed. 

Chim shrugged. “I guess some habits are hard to break.”

There was a distinct lump in Eddie’s throat as he looked over at Buck and Maddie in Chim’s kitchen. He could almost picture it, could almost hear a little Buck giggling the same way Christopher did, with the glee of a secret shared between him and his big sister; the one who, Eddie knew, had been Buck’s favourite person in the world for essentially his whole life. Suddenly, the nine dollars for a jar of Nutella seemed almost too small a price. 

He wasn’t planning on saying anything to Buck about it. He wanted Buck and Maddie to keep their secret, didn’t want to intrude on that; and wasn’t really sure how to express the surmountable wave of emotion that he felt about Buck letting Christopher in on the secret. But it was only when they were in the Jeep on the way back to Eddie’s that one particular thought popped into Eddie’s head that he had to ask. 

“Uh, you and Chris. With the Nutella. You’re not teaching my son to eat it from the jar with a spoon, are you?”

Buck’s eyes flickered to him from the road, widening like a deer in headlights. “Uh… no?”

That was so far off the scale it was in the negative double digits. But Eddie would let it slide. 

“Okay,” he said, and let the lie go. 

Blind eye.  

Chapter Text

Eddie had once told Buck “you’re no Abuela and you’re half a Carla, but you’ll do in a pinch” when it came to his ability to care for Christopher. That had been just after the tsunami, less than a year ago. Eddie still wasn’t sure if it was that or the comment that followed, “there’s nobody in the world I trust with my son more than you” that seemed to spur Buck into upping his game when it came to being there for Christopher.

Knowing Buck, he could have either taken the first comment as a challenge; or probably more likely, felt he wasn’t doing enough to warrant the trust Eddie had placed in him. Maybe it was a good thing Eddie hadn’t yet managed to tell Buck about the changes he’d made to his will- if Buck knew he was Christopher’s legal guardian should the worst happen, he’d probably do something ridiculous and unnecessary, like buy Christopher a dog. 

But somewhere along the line after that day, Buck had become Eddie’s first call for childcare if needed- at least for the moments when Chris wasn’t already under Carla’s care. And as much as Christopher adored Abuela and loved Carla, Buck was his first choice to spend time with- whether or not Eddie was present. 

“I can’t help it if I’m cooler than you, Diaz,” Buck said smugly when Eddie made a comment that said as much, but his smile was far too pleased to be as smug as his tone would suggest. 

Eddie still didn’t have words to express what he felt in moments like this. When it was abundantly clear that Buck saw his role in Christopher’s life as a privilege, an honour that he hadn’t earned and didn’t deserve- and one that had an expiry date, sometime around the point Christopher would enter puberty. Eddie wasn’t sure how to drum it into his best friend’s head that even if Christopher and Buck’s relationship did change, it wasn’t ending. There was no expiry date, and Buck had earned this a million times over. It was another conversation he was avoiding with Buck. 

But sometimes the depths of Buck’s commitment to Christopher still took Eddie by surprise and manifested in the tiniest ways. 

“What’s the big summer adventures planned, Superman?” Buck asked Christopher on the first day of his summer vacation.

They were having lunch at the firehouse as they neared the end of a twenty-four hour shift- at least for Buck. Eddie had grabbed a few extra hours for overtime, which meant Carla had dropped Christopher off on her way to her next client for Buck to take Chris until Eddie finished up. It was just a happy coincidence that this aligned with Bobby making lunch- at least so Buck claimed- and Bobby had no troubles with allowing Christopher to join them to eat. 

Watching Christopher help Buck prepare lunch, who was in turn assisting Bobby, it was a sight that Eddie could resist sneaking photos of as he sat back and watched. 

“Summer camp,” Eddie replied pointedly before Christopher could, like Buck hadn’t spent far too long ranting about child labour when Eddie had shown them the camp brochure.  

Buck waved a dismissive hand. “I mean fun adventures. You, me… maybe your dad, if he’s lucky.”

Christopher giggled, and Eddie rolled his eyes as he passed a salad bowl over to Bobby. 

“Gee, thanks Buck.”

“I know Denny’s summer plans involve school work,” Hen said, pouring water into her glass. “He’s thrilled, as you can imagine.”

Bobby chuckled. “Harry escaped summer school by the skin of his teeth, judging by his report card.” 

“I want to go to the zoo,” Christopher said. “I want to see the monkeys.”

“Aw, you don’t need to go to the zoo for that Christopher,” Chimney said, cutting into his chicken. “You’ve got Buck for that.”

Eddie’s gaze went right to Buck, his jaw tensing slightly, and he swallowed back the urge to defend Buck, even though he knew Chim was just teasing. Buck, however, seemed unbothered and merely hissed through his teeth as he shot Chim a look.

“Nice,” he said, grabbing the bottle of ketchup as Chim reached for it and moving it just out of reach in retaliation. 

“Buck’s not a monkey,” Christopher protested as Hen grabbed the ketchup and handed it back to Chim. “If Buck was an animal, he’d be a- a Desert Bighorn Sheep.”

Eddie wasn’t sure if that was supposed to be a compliment or an insult, and from the way Buck paused, Eddie guessed he wasn’t sure either. Chim and Hen both snorted, and although Bobby’s lips twitched, he didn’t laugh. 

“Why is that, Christopher?” Bobby asked him instead. “I’m a little rusty on my sheep knowledge.” 

Christopher speared a piece of chicken and ate it carefully before answering. “They’re really fast and they’re really good at climbing mountains and they can jump really far. Like Buck!” 

Buck grinned broadly at Eddie over Christopher’s head, and Eddie couldn’t help but smile back at him. Clearly Buck had been telling stories about their calls to Christopher again. 

“You know what, Chris? I think the Desert Bighorn Sheep are super cool,” Buck said, nudging Christopher gently. “Thank you.” 

Christopher regaled them with animal facts for the rest of the meal, which proved just how well he knew the animals at the LA Zoo- and in turn, just how often he and Buck were at the zoo. Eddie was comforted that at least Christopher was clearly learning something during these trips. 

“Maybe you should use some of these facts for that extra credit assignment,” Eddie suggested as he and Hen cleared the table after lunch, Buck having hurried downstairs to change out of his uniform. 

Christopher wrinkled his nose. 

“What extra credit assignment?” Bobby asked. 

“Christopher’s class was given some options for extra credit projects over summer break,” Eddie explained. “History, Science, English. It’s supposed to encourage them to be life-long learners.”

“Oh cool,” Bobby replied enthusiastically, pausing when Christopher made a face. “Is- is that not cool?” he asked uncertainly. 

“Christopher is not convinced, no,” Eddie said dryly. 

Eddie had found the note about it in Christopher’s backpack when he cleaned it out the day before- a lesson he’d learned from last summer when he’d ignored it until right before school went back and found what may have once been a sandwich inside. It had just been easier to toss out the whole backpack and buy a new one, because nothing in the world was going to get that smell out.

He’d brought the project up with Christopher over dinner last night, but Christopher heard nothing beyond the word ‘optional’ and stubbornly dug in his heels. It was a moment that made Eddie dread his forthcoming teenage years and also really showcased those Diaz genes. 

The Diaz genes which Eddie shared, which meant he wasn’t letting Christopher off the hook just yet, much to Christopher’s disgust.

“It’s optional,” Christopher whined for the millionth time. “That means I don’t have to do it, Dad.”

“You don’t have to,” Eddie conceded. “But isn’t it a better use of time than sitting around playing video games all summer?” 

“Yeah, that’s not a convincing argument, Dad,” Chim muttered to him as Christopher looked at Eddie like he had two heads. 

Eddie threw up his hands slightly. “What do you want from me, Chim?”

“What are we talking about?” Buck asked, bounding back up the stairs in his casual clothes, duffel slung over a shoulder. 

“Christopher’s optional extra credit assignment,” Eddie replied. 

Buck’s eyes lit up. “Cool! What kind of assignment?”

“There’s a few options,” Eddie shrugged. “Reading list and a book report for English; report on a historical figure for History; you know, that kind of stuff.” 

“That sounds fun,” Buck enthused. “What are you going to do, bud?”

Christopher sighed. “I don’t want to do it. It’s boring .” 

“I don’t know,” Buck said casually. “You get to learn something that you pick just because, and get bonus points at school for it? Sounds fun to me.”

Eddie paused with an armful of dirty plates in hand, watching Christopher’s face screw up again, and anticipating another round of protests. 

“Like the pyramids with the mummies?” he asked instead, and Eddie’s shoulders slumped incredulously- although in hindsight he probably should have seen this coming. 

“If you want,” Buck agreed. “Hey, why don’t we stop by the library on the way home and see what we can find?”

“Okay,” Christopher agreed eagerly, and from behind Eddie, Chim coughed. 

“Alright,” Buck grinned at him. “Why don’t you say goodbye to your dad, and we’ll get going?”

Christopher slid from his seat and over to Eddie, who hastily handed the plates in his arms to Hen so that he could hug his son.

“Have a great afternoon with Buck, mijo,” he said gently. “Love you.”

“Love you,” Christopher echoed, waving to the others as he returned to Buck, who was waiting patiently with his crutches. 

“Bye, guys,” Buck called out as they headed downstairs. 

“I’m sorry,” Hen said, turning to the others the moment they were out of earshot. “How did Buck just change Christopher’s mind on that?”

Eddie couldn’t help but grin. “If Buck thinks it’s cool, it must be cool,” he explained simply. “Although so far, that doesn’t work when I’m trying to get Chris to eat his vegetables.” 

Hen snorted. “Think it’ll work on Denny with his summer reading list?”

“Eh, it’s worth a shot,” Eddie shrugged and Hen nodded thoughtfully. 

Chim shook his head resolutely. “Nope. I refuse to let my child grow up in a world where Evan Buckley is cool,” he said, almost to himself. 

Eddie, Hen and Bobby all turned to him, eyebrows raised. Chim had definitely been acting odd for the past week since May’s graduation party, and although so far he hadn’t said anything, they all had a pretty good idea what it was. Eddie suspected Buck could have confirmed it, given the extra bounce that had been in his step the last few days and a little something extra in his smile when he looked at Christopher. But Buck was much better at keeping secrets than Chimney- Eddie wasn’t even sure if Chimney knew that Buck knew… if what they suspected was true. 

But the way Chim froze as he realised what he’d just said was about all the confirmation they needed.

He forced a laugh. “You know. One day. If we- I- ever have kids. I didn’t mean ‘we’ like Maddie and me ‘we’ because you know… who knows, right?”

With every word, Chim’s eyes got wider until Eddie almost genuinely feared they’d fall out of his head. In a clear panic, Chim checked his watch and clasped his hands together.

“Okay, look at that. My shift is over. Whoo. Time flies, right? I am going to change,” he said and hurried off towards the stairs. 

Hen looked after him and then rolled her eyes. “Oh yeah,” she said to Bobby and Eddie. “Maddie is definitely pregnant.”

Bobby just laughed. 

When Eddie finally made it home, it was to a pile of books on the coffee table about Ancient Egypt and Christopher excitedly regaling him with facts about mummies. All the while Buck watched him with a fond smile and bright eyes, like he was barely resisting the urge to chime in with his own facts. 

“Sounds like there’s an extra credit project in the works then,” Eddie said when Christopher finally drew breath. 

Christopher nodded. “Buck said he’s going to help me!”

“Did he? I hope you said ‘thank you’, mijo.” 

“He did,” Buck reassured him. “And Chris is doing most of it himself. I’m just helping him find the information and organise it so when he gets back from camp, it’s all ready to put together. Right, bud?”

That hadn’t been Eddie’s concern at all, but he was glad to hear it anyway. 

Buck stayed for dinner and as they ate, Christopher brought up summer camp. Maybe Buck was aware of the influence he held over Christopher’s definition of ‘cool’ because nothing about child labour was said throughout. It was just enthusiasm about all the fun activities Christopher would get to do and all the new friends he’d be making; and Eddie loved seeing his kid’s eyes so bright with excitement, as much he was going to miss him while he was gone.

“Dad, what will you do while I’m gone?” 

“I’ll be working, kid.”

Christopher made a face, looking concerned. “That doesn’t sound fun.”

Eddie snorted. “It’s not.”

Christopher’s face dropped and Eddie’s heart wrenched, suddenly feeling guilty that he hadn’t planned anything for himself rather than deciding that picking up extra shifts would be a good way to both distract himself from an empty house and also build up his savings account a little. Before he could say anything to try and reassure him however, Buck nudged Christopher lightly in the side. 

“Don’t worry, Chris. I’ll make sure he has some fun adventures too, okay?”

Christopher still looked concerned. “Like what?”

Eddie felt rather concerned himself as he too eyed Buck expectantly, wondering what Buck had in mind.

Buck merely grinned at them both. “Like… ice cream for dinner? Staying up past his bedtime? Building a blanket fort? What do you think?”

Christopher giggled. “You need to take him to Disneyland!” he exclaimed. “So he can go on Space Mountain.”

Eddie’s whole being melted as he smiled at Christopher. They’d only been to Disneyland once since moving to California, because it was not a cheap day out. Eddie had limited himself to the tamer rides that Chris wanted to do; although he’d told Christopher the story many times of when his parents had brought them to Disneyland when Eddie was in high school and they’d come to visit their grandparents, and how much he’d loved Space Mountain. Eddie hadn’t expected Christopher to remember that, but he wasn’t surprised. He had the best kid.

“We can absolutely do Space Mountain,” Buck promised him. “Trust me, bud. I’ll keep him so busy that he won’t have time to miss you.”

Eddie wasn’t sure what he loved more- that this was Christopher’s main concern, or that Buck knew that without Chris saying so explicitly.  

Christopher eyed Buck rather solemnly. “Promise?”

Buck held out his hand, pinky outstretched. “Pinky promise,” he said, just as solemnly. 

Eddie watched Christopher link his pinky finger with Buck’s and a warmth swept over him head to toe. He’d heard a lot about the famous Buckley pinky swear, and knew what it meant between Buck and Maddie; but he hadn’t realised that this was yet something else that Buck had shared with Christopher. But as Christopher and Buck linked pinkies, there was no doubt in Eddie’s mind that Christopher completely understood the significance of the act. Maybe even better than Eddie did. 

The first time Eddie had ever seen it, he felt like he’d only known Buck for a moment. He’d barely known Maddie, but he knew how much Buck adored his big sister. Eddie had two sisters who he loved dearly. But he didn’t think he could come close to the anxiety and devastation that seeped from every pore of Buck’s being in that time when Maddie had been missing at the hands of Doug. 

It had been Bobby who called Eddie afterwards, to let him know that Maddie was safe.

“She’s at Mountain Community Hospital, up near Big Bear. Athena says she’ll be there at least overnight, but she’s trying to get her doctor to agree to transfer her to LA tomorrow apparently. Athena wants to come home, but Buck won’t leave Maddie.”

That had been enough said, and Eddie had wasted no time in leaving Christopher with Pepa and heading to Big Bear. When he’d made it to the hospital and found Maddie’s room, Athena had been waiting in the hall, and she looked incredibly grateful to see Eddie. 

“Maybe you can talk some sense into our Buckaroo before he drops dead on his feet,” she told him. “Because I know how tired I am, so I can only imagine how tired he is, but that boy won’t leave Maddie’s side for a second.”

“I’ve got him,” Eddie reassured her. “Thanks, Athena.”

Athena patted him on the arm as she passed him and Eddie moved forward to peer inside the room hesitantly. Buck was sitting by his sister’s side and clutching Maddie’s hand, his eyes were red-rimmed and shadowed. He looked like a light breeze might knock him over, and Eddie was overcome with the urge to hug him. But instead, he knocked on the door, causing both siblings to look over his way.

“Hey,” he said quietly. 

Buck looked almost confused by his presence, even as Maddie managed a weak smile. “Eddie?”

“Eddie, please tell me you’re here to take my brother home?” Maddie asked tiredly. 

He smiled at her slightly. “I am,” he confirmed.

“No,” Buck protested immediately. He turned back to Maddie, and although it seemed to Eddie that his grip on her hand was tight enough to make his knuckles white, Maddie didn’t so much as flinch. “Mads, I’m not-”

“Buck, I’m okay,” Maddie interrupted. “I am tired, and drugged, and I’m just going to sleep. You should too, and one of us should do so in a proper bed.”

Buck shook his head, his eyes turning glassy. “Maddie, I can’t-”

“Evan,” Maddie cut him off once more. “Please. Go home, sleep. You can come back tomorrow, but please go get some rest. I’m okay.”

Buck didn’t look remotely convinced. 

“I’m okay,” Maddie repeated, even more gently. She wiggled her hand free from Buck’s grasp and held it out to him, offering him her pinky. 

Eddie was grateful neither of them were looking at him, because he couldn’t resist raising an eyebrow at the childish gesture. But when Buck’s lip noticeably quivered at the gesture and he sniffed quietly as he entwined his pinky with his sister’s, Eddie would have had to be a monster to have any other reaction than the momentarily temptation to cry himself. And Eddie wasn’t a monster.

Finally, Buck agreed to leave with Eddie, dutifully taking down a list of things to bring to his sister upon his return. Maddie was hoping that in the morning she’d be able to be transferred closer to LA- and Chim- so if that happened, Buck would meet her there. Either way, Maddie had to promise that she would call Buck first thing in the morning before he seemed remotely okay with the idea of leaving her side.

“Love you, Mads,” Buck said hoarsely, hugging her tightly before leaving.

“Love you too, Ev,” Maddie replied, just as hoarsely. 

Eddie didn’t really know what to say in this situation to Maddie, but he offered her a small smile as Buck reluctantly headed for the door. 

“Thank you, Eddie,” she said quietly, meeting his gaze.

That at least, Eddie could respond to. “You’re welcome,” he said.

Buck seemed afraid to blink in case Maddie disappeared as Eddie guided him towards the door, and for a moment he doubted whether Buck would actually be able to bring himself to leave the room after all. Eddie gave him a gentle but pointed nudge to get him over the doorway, and finally closed the door to Maddie’s room behind him.

As soon as the door clicked shut and Maddie was gone from his view, Buck swayed on the spot and sagged like a puppet with its strings cut. Eddie quickly reached out to steady him, deciding that their first stop would be the nearest drive in. He had a feeling that Buck hadn’t eaten since first finding Chimney on the floor outside of his apartment. 

“You okay, man?” he asked quietly.

Buck nodded entirely unconvincingly, but Eddie didn’t argue with him, just prodded him towards the exit. 

They barely made it outside the hospital before Buck came to a dead halt, his hands coming up to cover his face. Eddie barely registered the quiver of his shoulders before he gave into the impulse from earlier and drew Buck into a fierce hug. It was their first hug, first form of physical affection that wasn’t a clasp on the arm or shoulder, or a knock of knees or wrists in the engine or before getting to work on a call. But Eddie’s arms went around Buck’s shoulders naturally, and Buck sagged into the hug like they’d done it a million times before. 

“She’s okay, Buck,” Eddie said quietly. 

Buck’s hands moved from covering his own face to clutch at Eddie’s jacket, his face buried against Eddie’s shoulder. 

“You didn’t see her before,” he said, his voice thick with tears. “I was with her when she gave her statement, and… Eds. He killed someone. He- he almost killed her .”

“But he didn’t,” Eddie said firmly. “She’s okay. I know I don’t know Maddie as well as you, but I know that she’s strong as hell. No matter what she went through, I know she’s going to be okay.”

Buck nodded, drawing away from Eddie and wiping his face on his sleeve in a way that made Eddie mentally grimace and be grateful for the Kleenex and wipes he always kept in the car for Christopher. 

“I know she will be,” he said. “She pinky promised.” 

And there was so much conviction in those three words that Eddie could only marvel. 

Chapter Text

Christopher was less than impressed with the idea of spending a Saturday morning in July being dragged around town by Eddie as he did all the errands that he hadn’t been able to do around his shifts the past week, and Eddie couldn’t really blame him. He didn’t want to go grocery shopping or pick up dry cleaning either, especially on what was forecast to be a typically sweltering day. But he knew how to make it more fun for the both of them.

“How about this?” he began, while Christopher arched an eyebrow at him expectantly, waiting to see what was in it for him. It almost made Eddie smile, because he couldn’t even blame Shannon or Buck for this one- this facial expression was pure Diaz and Eddie knew it. 

“How about, after I’ve done everything on my list, we get something for Buck and drop it over for him?” 

Christopher’s face lit up. They hadn’t seen Buck in almost a week, after Buck had been struck down with the summer flu. Bobby had thrown a fit when Buck had turned up at the firehouse looking like he was at death’s door, going so far as to call Athena to come take him home. 

According to the few texts Eddie had gotten from Buck and some teasing comments from Hen during their shifts, Bobby and Athena had swooped in to fuss over him; and Buck didn’t have the heart to protest when he knew they were both looking for a distraction after Athena’s attack by Hudson. So he just accepted the piles of food they thrust upon him and the frequent check-ins.

‘I had to stop Athena from doing my laundry today,’ he’d texted Eddie two days prior. ‘Laundry, Eds. I can’t have Athena Grant doing my laundry. OMG I love them both, but I just want to die in a hole right now.’

‘I don’t recommend that,’ Eddie had replied without thinking and there’d been a long pause before Buck’s next text.

‘Too soon, Edmundo.’

Eddie couldn’t help but smile slightly.

So between them and Maddie, there wasn’t really much for Eddie to do. They all knew Eddie’s cooking certainly wasn’t going to help Buck feel better, so all he could do was regularly send well-wishes and photos from him, Christopher and Abuela to lift Buck’s spirits. 

Eddie had offered just once to drop over, but Buck had refused, not wanting to risk Eddie or Christopher getting sick. He had even tried to keep Maddie away, not wanting her to get the flu on top of her persistent morning sickness (now that everyone was in the know about her pregnancy); although apparently, Maddie was just as stubborn as her little brother and turned up regardless. But the last Eddie had heard from him early this morning, Buck was on the mend and at the point where he was starting to get a little stir-crazy from being stuck inside but not having the energy to do much, and Bobby wasn’t letting him come back to work for another week. 

“Can we make him a care package?” Christopher asked and Eddie grinned.

“I’m sure he’d love that, mijo. So, we have a deal?”

Christopher paused, his eyes glinting behind his glasses. “Can I pick the music for the drive?” he asked slyly, and Eddie rolled his eyes.

“Fine,” he agreed. He typically just had the radio on while driving, but if that’s what it took Christopher to get moving, Eddie could deal with it for today. 

He didn’t really think much of it when Christopher asked for his phone once they were in the car, just handed it over. But he did a double take when the first song that came on was N*Sync’s Bye, Bye, Bye and Christopher was mouthing along to every word. Eddie just shook his head and focused on the road- it never failed to surprise him what came back in fashion, tinted in nostalgia. But man, it made him feel so old to think that it was people his age who had grown up with this stuff and were now passing it on to their children. 

But N*Sync was followed by Blue (Da Ba Dee), then Oops!... I did it again, and Mmbop and by the time Christopher was quietly reciting the lyrics to You Get What You Give- a song that Eddie had forgotten all about until this moment, he just had to ask. 

“Bud, what are we listening to?”

“It’s mine and Buck’s pep-up car playlist, Dad,” Christopher replied, meeting his gaze in the rearview mirror like Eddie was an idiot for not knowing this. 

Lord help him, Eddie was not prepared for his kid to be a pre-teen. 

“Pep-up car playlist,” Eddie repeated. “On what?”

“Buck’s Spotify.”

Eddie blinked, fighting to keep his eyes on the road when all he wanted to do was stare at his son incredulously. “How do you have Buck’s Spotify, Chris?”

He knew for sure that he didn’t have access to it on his phone. He knew the passcode to Buck’s phone, and even his PIN and Social Security number if they were needed, but Spotify? No. 

“I know Buck’s log in,” Christopher replied nonchalantly, and Eddie just narrowly missed slamming on his brakes.

“Christopher!” he exclaimed. “You can’t log in to someone else's account, kid. It’s rude.”

He looked over his shoulder briefly to find Christopher honest to god rolling his eyes at him. “Dad, it’s Buck. He made the password so I’d know it.”

Eddie hesitated, because yeah, that sounded like something Buck would do. “Are you sure?” 

“It’s ‘Dory-eleven-superman-exclamation point’ ,” Christopher recited and a sudden lump appeared in Eddie’s throat. 

“Right,” he said, although he still made a mental note to double check that Buck was okay with this. “So, it’s a pep-up car mix?”

Christopher nodded eagerly, and then launched into an explanation of the apparently many varieties of playlists that were stored on Buck’s Spotify for the two of them. There was one for car karaoke; for bad days; for good days; for cooking; for ‘Emergency Dance Parties’ (Eddie had questions about that one); one for relaxation and one specifically for zoo trips. It seemed that no matter what the situation called for where Christopher was concerned, Buck had a playlist specially made and ready to go. And Eddie didn’t know how to process the feelings that stirred in his chest at that realisation.

Grocery shopping was always the longest errand by far, mostly hindered with a fierce negotiation over cereal choices. Fortunately today Christopher caved pretty easily, more eager to go shopping for Buck’s care package than to convince Eddie to buy Lucky Charms over Cornflakes.

“Okay, bud. What should we get for Buck?” he asked Christopher once they’d finished all their errands and were standing in the entrance to Target. 

Eddie wasn’t surprised that Christopher took the matter very seriously and knew exactly what he wanted. All Eddie had to do was follow him around and put things in the cart. Then it was a quick stop at home to put away any groceries that needed to be refrigerated, and for Christopher to write on the card for Buck and select his best drawing from the past week to be added to the bag; and at last they were knocking on Buck’s door. 

The way Buck’s face- tired looking, with still not enough colour for Eddie’s liking but with much clearer and brighter eyes than the last time Eddie had seen him- lit up immediately as he saw who was on his doorstep, it made Eddie glad he’d decided against texting Buck that they were coming.

“Buck!” 

“Hey, buddy!” Buck said, a little hoarsely but enthusiastically as Christopher flung himself forward into his arms for a hug. “It’s so good to see you!”

“We missed you,” Christopher mumbled into Buck’s t-shirt and Eddie practically saw Buck’s heart melt. 

“I missed you too,” he replied. “But I didn’t want you or your dad to get sick. Trust me, it’s not fun.”

“Are you better now?”

“I’m like ninety-nine percent better,” Buck promised. 

“I’d say more like eighty-five,” Eddie corrected, eying Buck critically.

Buck met his gaze a little sheepishly, but his smile was warm. 

“We made you a care package,” Christopher informed Buck, looking up at him. 

“You did?” Buck asked, clearly touched. “Thanks, buddy. You didn’t let your dad cook anything for it though, did you?”

“Ha. Ha,” Eddie said sarcastically as Buck moved back so that they could fully step inside the loft, ushering a giggling Christopher ahead of him. 

Buck grinned at him, chuckled and then coughed lightly into the crook of his elbow. 

“Chris, why don’t you go get everything set up while I check on Buck, and then you can show Buck everything you picked for him?” Eddie suggested, handing Christopher the bag.

Christopher nodded and began to head towards the couch, but Buck rolled his eyes as Eddie nudged him towards the kitchen island.

“Eds, come on. I’ve had Bobby, Athena and Maddie check up on me more than my own doctor. It’s the flu, and I’m fine now- I’m just wiped and this stupid cough that’s lingering a bit.”

“Then I won’t find anything concerning,” Eddie retorted as he washed his hands and earned himself another eye roll. “Are you eating?”

“Yes, Dad,” Buck snarked. 

Eddie arched an eyebrow at him, and Buck sighed as his shoulders deflated. “I’m still working my way through the most recent vat of soup Bobby dropped off. I had a bowl for lunch,” he said. 

“Okay,” Eddie allowed, checking Buck over. There was no fever, which was Eddie’s main concern and although he looked tired, he didn’t look like he was wasting away. 

“You guys didn’t have to get me anything,” Buck said quietly. 

“We definitely did,” Eddie argued. “He’s missed you this past week- we have to make sure our Buck’s okay, don’t we?”

Buck’s cheeks flushed slightly, his eyes dipping even as he smiled at being claimed as theirs. Eddie just squeezed his forearm lightly.

“Come see what Chris picked out.”

Eddie sat on the coffee table and watched as Buck exclaimed over every item Christopher pulled out of the gift bag for him in awe; from the bouquet of artificial sunflowers, to the tea and chocolates, jigsaw puzzle, the book of crossword puzzles, and the little plush dog that Christopher had insisted upon. 

“His name is Moose,” Christopher informed Buck solemnly, who laughed, coughed and then promised to take excellent care of Moose. 

Naturally, Buck and Christopher decided they had to start the jigsaw puzzle then and there, so Eddie moved to the armchair and settled into watch- at least until one or both of them roped him into helping. Until then though, Eddie pulled out his phone and opened the Spotify app he honestly barely used. It was still logged into Buck’s account and Eddie navigated to the library and the list of playlists Buck had made. So many playlists- all labelled the same way: 

Christopher and Buck’s pep-up driving playlist

Christopher and Buck’s kitchen playlist

Christopher and Buck’s zoo playlist

On and on it went. Eddie only peeked at a few, more out of curiosity than because he was concerned about what Buck was listening to with Christopher. A lot of the driving ones seemed to consist largely of music from the late nineties and early two thousands, although there was one that was all Disney and one that was mostly Taylor Swift- Eddie would definitely be teasing Buck about that one later (although he already knew that Buck would just grin and probably play it every time Eddie was in the car with him for the next few weeks). 

Whenever Eddie was in the Jeep with Buck, it was usually seventies or eighties music that was playing; which always amused Eddie. Buck’s pop culture knowledge for movies and TV from before he was born was notoriously terrible, but he had so much music knowledge from a whole range of decades and Eddie still wasn’t really sure how that had happened (although he suspected it was due to Maddie). 

Eddie got roped into helping with the puzzle shortly after, and they’d just about finished the edges when Buck pressed Eddie and Christopher into staying for dinner- not that Christopher needed much convincing. Eddie could hardly resist two pairs of pleading eyes, as much as he wanted to protest that Buck needed to rest. 

“I’ve been resting for days,” Buck complained, when Eddie said as much. 

“Good, then you know how to do it,” Eddie retorted and Buck made a face at him while Christopher giggled. 

They ordered in, eating on the couch while they watched Finding Nemo for the millionth time, with Buck nestled in between Buck and Eddie at Christopher’s insistence. They’d barely finished eating before both Christopher and Buck were slumped onto the couch rather sleepily; Christopher slumped against Buck’s side as he stared at the movie, and Buck’s head lolling heavily against the back of the couch, both nestled under the same throw blanket that wasn’t at all needed in July, but Buck insisted on using when the air con was on. 

“I’m really glad that you guys came by,” Buck said lowly to Eddie, in a way that told him that Christopher was either asleep or just about.

“In case you didn’t get the memo from all the texts this week or the way Chris recounted every minute of his week over dinner, we’ve missed you,” Eddie replied, looking over at Buck. 

Buck chuckled, his eyes flickering up to meet Eddie’s. “Me too. I don’t know why Bobby’s making me take another week off work,” he complained.

“Maybe because we’ve been here for like three hours and you’re barely awake?” Eddie guessed teasingly. “No way you’re up to surviving a twenty-four hour shift yet, Buckley.”

Buck wrinkled his nose but couldn’t really argue. 

Eddie paused and then nudged Buck’s thigh with the back of his hand. “Hey, Chris insisted we play your ‘pep-up car’ mix while we were driving around today.”

Buck stifled a yawn with his elbow, coughing lightly again. “Yeah, I got the log-in email,” he said, a small smile playing at the corners of his mouth. 

Eddie hesitated. “Is that okay?” he had to ask.

Buck’s eyes were practically shut, but Eddie still knew that he was rolling his eyes at him. “Duh, Eds,” he mumbled, shifting slightly and his head falling just shy of Eddie’s shoulder. “That’s why he has the password.”

Eddie’s heart warmed, and he wordlessly shifted so that Buck’s head could come to rest on his shoulder. Buck sank against his side, letting out a contented sigh that swept over Eddie like he too was under the blanket. The weight against his side was grounding, and as he listened to both Christopher and Buck’s breaths slow and even out as they both fell asleep, Eddie had the sudden thought that he could quite happily do this every night. 

He’d lost count of the number of movie nights they’d had since Buck had come into their lives, and it wasn’t the first time that one or both of them had fallen asleep during it- especially if Buck and Eddie had just come off a shift. Buck’s head nestling against Eddie’s shoulder wasn’t a typical occurrence, yet Eddie had a feeling that when Buck moved, he’d suddenly miss the weight. Buck mumbled something mostly incoherent into Eddie’s t-shirt, but the only word Eddie thought he could understand was “home.” Eddie tried to sneak a glance at Buck’s face, but the angle was wrong. All he could make out was Buck’s long lashes against his pale cheeks and the brightness of his birthmark. 

Eddie found himself staring at the sight in a stupor, before he shook his head and blinked, turning back to the TV. He knew that he should take Christopher home and let Buck sleep in his actual bed, but he couldn’t quite bring himself to leave just yet. So instead he settled in to finish watching the movie alone, accompanied by Christopher’s even breathing and Buck’s faint snores.

When Buck was finally deemed well enough (by Bobby) to return to work, the whole firehouse seemed brighter. Buck was genuinely delighted to be back at work, and his enthusiasm was infectious. And as Chim said, it didn’t hurt that Bobby was still inclined to make all Buck’s favourite foods to ensure that he was eating enough to regain his strength. 

Two weeks after Buck’s return to work, he was lounging on the couch next to Eddie at the beginning of a shift while they waited for Bobby to finish the handover. Chim bounded up the stairs to the loft with a canvas bag in hand, which he immediately handed to Buck.

“What’s this?” Buck asked confusedly. 

“From Maddie,” Chim explained. “She was going through some boxes that we just shoved in the storage cage in the basement during the move, and she said to pass this on to you.”

“You still have boxes?” Hen asked in disbelief.

Chim waved a hand. “We’ve been busy. And these boxes came from Philadelphia, so Maddie hasn’t really been keen to dig through them.”

Because they’d either come from Maddie’s house with Doug, or from the collection the Buckley parents had sent her after “spring cleaning” a few months ago. It didn’t take a genius to understand why Maddie hadn’t deemed it a priority to go through the boxes until now. It had also not escaped any of their notice that Buck hadn’t been sent anything from his parents, but until Buck said something about it, Eddie wasn’t saying anything. But something about it didn’t sit well with him.

Buck opened the bag in interest, but it was his quick intake of breath that had Eddie, Hen and Chim all looking over at him. 

“What is it?” Eddie asked.

Buck grinned broadly, pulling out a blue CD sleeve folder, the front covered with faded and peeling stickers and faded scribbles of permanent marker, mostly of that graffiti style S that it seemed everyone had been drawing on any available surface for decades. He unzipped it, and Eddie leaned over to get a better look. It was full of CDs, all burnt ones. And each one, he saw as Buck flipped through it, was labelled. 

Evan and Maddie’s Driving mix #1

Evan and Maddie’s karaoke mix

Evan and Maddie’s rage driving mix

And Eddie honestly, for a moment, almost cried. It must have been evident on his face, because Hen shot him a sympathetic smile and immediately found an excuse to drag Chimney away. 

“I’d wondered what happened to these,” Buck said softly, flipping through them. “I kinda thought either my parents or Doug had thrown them out.”

Having both his parents and Doug mentioned in the same sentence sent up a red flag in Eddie’s brain, but he couldn’t deal with that right now.

“That’s a lot of mixes,” Eddie managed to say without sounding like he was about to cry over some old burnt CDs. 

Buck chuckled. “Yeah. Man, as soon as Maddie could drive, we started making them. We’d just go for drives and play one at full blast. It was the best.”

Eddie hesitated, but he had to ask. “The uh, the rage mix?”

“Usually for moments when our parents were really pissing us- well, me- off,” Buck shrugged. “We’d go for a drive, yell all the lyrics and then we’d go for ice cream before we went home again. Much healthier outlet than you know, fight club or something.”

Eddie rolled his eyes, elbowing Buck lightly in the side, which made him laugh. 

“Don’t worry, Chris doesn’t have a rage mix- yet,” Buck kept teasing him. 

“Oh good, something to look forward to,” Eddie said dryly.

Buck laughed and kept flicking through the CDs with a soft smile. Eddie just watched, feeling pretty confident that if he were to compare the tracks on some of these CDs to the songs on the Spotify playlists that Buck had made with Christopher, there’d be a lot of commonalities. And as he studied Buck’s profile and the way his features softened with nostalgia and affection as he looked over the discs without playing a single song, Eddie had more feelings than he knew how to compute or what to do with. He could only sit there and stare at Buck like an idiot. 

As Bobby called for them to gather for morning announcements, Eddie made a mental note to start brainstorming gift ideas for when Maddie had her baby- because with every day that passed, it seemed to Eddie that he owed her the most amazing gift. Although he had no idea what could possibly top the gift that was Buck’s presence in Christopher’s life. 

Chapter Text

Social gatherings for the 118 were typically held at Bobby and Athena’s, or maybe some of them heading to a bar if the shift hadn’t been too gruelling. But then one day at the end of August, Hen insisted that they were going to be “civilised adults” and go out to dinner “at an actual restaurant” before those with kids returned to the chaos of the school year. 

It was a plan no-one had argued with. Anyone who needed to found baby-sitters for the evening; Eddie promised Christopher a movie night with him and Buck the following night to make up for him not being invited, despite the fact they both knew Abuela was going to spoil him rotten for the evening; and Chim spent half a shift in between calls poring over the online menu trying to decide what to order. 

What they didn’t count on was the restaurant being insanely busy and understaffed, leaving them waiting longer than anticipated for their food to be brought out. Which wasn’t a huge deal, except for the way Buck’s leg kept bouncing impatiently beneath the table. 

“Dude,” Eddie said, after the dozenth time in so many minutes that Buck’s knee knocked against his.

“Sorry,” Buck apologised. “I’m just starving. I haven’t eaten since lunch for this. ”

“I feel like I should have left you with my Abuela and brought Christopher,” Eddie teased him. 

“Fine by me; your Abuela would have fed me three courses by now,” Buck shot back.

Eddie laughed, mostly because he was right. 

“We should have gone to one of those places where they give kids colouring pencils and a paper placement,” Chim smirked. “Keep Buck busy until the food arrives.”

“Be nice, Howie,” Maddie said warningly before Eddie could, although Buck merely leaned around Maddie to make a face at Chim.

Eddie got drawn into a conversation with Karen across the table, making plans to set up a playdate between Christopher and Denny the next weekend, and so got a little distracted from Buck. When he next tuned back in, they still had no food, but Buck and Maddie had their heads together while Buck’s shoulders shook lightly with laughter. 

Eddie didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but one could argue that you couldn’t help but tune in when Buck’s laughter rang out. And when the first phrase he heard was “princess abducted by a clockmaker and his pet goldfish,” could Eddie really be blamed for needing to know more?

“I’m sorry, what is happening?” he asked, leaning forward so he could look at Maddie on Buck’s other side.

Buck and Maddie both laughed again, Maddie placing a hand on Buck’s arm and squeezing it briefly. “This just reminded me of a game Buck and I used to play when he was little,” she said fondly. “Usually on long car rides, or like now, if we were out somewhere waiting for food or stuck in a line, you know? Buck’s never been really good at being patient.”

“I’m shocked,” Eddie said dryly and Buck glared at him lightly. “So, what’s the game?”

Maddie shrugged, reaching for her water glass. “It’s nothing fancy. You just pick out people in the crowd and make up a story about them.”

“Like a princess being abducted by a clockmaker with a pet goldfish?” Eddie asked. 

“That was a classic,” Buck said wistfully. “Top five easily.”

Maddie nodded. “I had to repeat it for bedtime stories, and even when I gave him baths-”

Buck groaned. “Mads, you have to specify that I was like three then,” he said, a blush spreading across his cheeks and up to the tips of his ears. “Come on!” 

Eddie watched it spread, oddly captivated by the dusty pink and the way it seemed to glow in the lighting of the restaurant. So much so that he totally missed half of Maddie’s next sentence.

“-not going to apologise for that, baby brother.”

Eddie had no idea what the correct response was, and so he could only offer a half-hearted chuckle and hope that Maddie hadn’t just said something horribly insulting. But his reward was a brilliant smile from both Buckley siblings and another sweet blush from Buck, so Eddie would take that. 

“Let’s see if I’ve still got it,” Maddie said suddenly, looking around the restaurant. “I’ll have to practise before this little one arrives if they’re anything like their uncle.”

Buck beamed at the reminder of the new title he’d earn in a little over four months, and Eddie wasn’t sure when he’d stopped being able to look away from Buck. The lighting in the restaurant must really be fancy- either that or Eddie just really needed to eat. 

“What are you looking for?” Chim asked Maddie.

She patted his hand. “Nothing that concerns you, honey,” she said and Chim leaned back to meet Eddie’s gaze with a questioning look.

Eddie could only shrug, and Chim shrugged back in return, clearly just accepting this as another ‘Buckley sibling thing’ and going back to his conversation with Bobby across the table. After a few moments, Maddie nudged Buck so that he lowered his head closer to hers, and Eddie couldn’t resist leaning in closer.

“You see that guy in the corner?” she asked them and Buck and Eddie immediately peered over as one.

Sure enough, there was a man sitting alone at a small table by a window, dressed sharply in a suit and tie, which was a little overdressed for the restaurant, but not unusual for LA. Eddie put him in his fifties or early sixties at most.

“What about him?” Eddie asked, only to be actually shushed by Buck as he looked back to Maddie expectantly. Eddie rolled his eyes but said nothing. 

“He’s waiting for an old friend to arrive- his college roommate,” Maddie said decidedly, eyeing the man. “They were best friends, but then right before graduation, his father died and he had to go home to… Wisconsin to take over the family business.” 

Eddie was sure that the story was much less fanciable and much sadder than the stories Maddie had put together for Buck when he was a kid, but he was still drawn into the tale she wove and Buck was captivated as Maddie described the life of a man who had never really gotten over falling in love with his best friend and being torn apart by life until they had a second chance decades later. Eddie was sure that he saw Buck’s eyes keep flickering over towards the man’s table even as their food finally arrived; and he had to hide a smile with a rather large forkful of vegetables. 

Bobby was in the middle of a story about a call he’d once had back in Minnesota, when Buck gasped so hard that Eddie genuinely startled thinking that Buck was choking on his food. The last thing Buck needed was a second tracheotomy. Everyone turned to Buck in a panic, Chim and Hen already halfway out of their seats to perform the heimlich if needed; but Buck merely grabbed Maddie’s arm and exclaimed, “Look!”

As one, the whole table turned towards where he was gesturing; Eddie’s heart settling back into his chest when he realised Buck’s attention had been drawn back to the man by the window. The man, who was no longer sitting alone, but joined by another man and they were holding hands across the table. 

“Aw,” Maddie said quietly, and Eddie just shook his head with a smile. 

“Do you know them?” Athena asked Buck, looking between him and Maddie with an arched eyebrow. 

Buck ducked his head sheepishly. “Uh, not exactly,” he said, but offered no more explanation. 

Hen and Karen looked to Eddie, who just shrugged. Hen then looked to Chim, who held up his hands defensively. 

“Don’t look at me. That is a Buckley thing,” he said, which seemed to be enough of a valid explanation for everyone else and Bobby resumed his story. 

Maddie leaned over and whispered something to Buck. Eddie couldn’t make out what she said, but whatever it was, it made Buck smile in a way that made Eddie’s appetite completely vanish in favour of feeding off Buck’s smile. 

“How long did you and Buck play this game?” he asked Maddie when Buck had excused himself to the bathroom. 

Maddie’s brow creased thoughtfully. “Oh, probably from when he was three to… well, I guess until I moved to Boston,” she said with a rueful smile, absent-mindedly rubbing her small bump. “But then when he started travelling, sometimes I’d get postcards from him that were just a story from him. And it was him making up the stories for me this time, you know?”

Eddie smiled. “Yeah?”

Maddie’s smile softened. “They were my favourites- even more than when he was telling me about whatever job he was doing, or the adventures he was having. It was these stories- the people- they were the postcards that really made me feel like I was there with him.” 

Eddie could picture it so clearly, and his gaze found Buck making his way back towards them from the bathroom, stopping to make small talk with strangers at passing tables. It wasn’t anything Eddie hadn’t seen a million times before (he’d once heard Bobby say that Buck could make a friend in a dark, locked room, and they still weren’t sure if that was a Minnesota saying, or just a Bobby saying); but Eddie was suddenly almost irrationally jealous of every person now on the receiving end of Buck’s easy smile.  

Eddie had no idea what was going on with him all of a sudden. He didn’t even know how to explain it to himself, other than a sense that he should be feeling much more panicked than he actually did. And then Buck was back at their table and sliding into his seat between Eddie and Maddie, and as he turned his head towards Eddie and offered him a warm smile, Eddie’s heart fluttered tellingly. 

But if Eddie had any skill, it was packing away his feelings into a tiny box and putting it into a corner with all the other tiny boxes where he could pretend not to see them, because there were too many other things that demanded his attention right now. He’d promised his Abuela to help her do some work in the back garden; his mother was already bugging him about coming back to El Paso for Thanksgiving and/or Christmas and guilting him about how long it had been since they’d last seen him and Christopher; Carla had just handed him a whole new bunch of paperwork he needed to complete for Christopher-related things; and speaking of which- Christopher had an appointment the next week with the orthopaedic surgeon. Just a check-in, nothing to be worried about, but Eddie couldn’t help but worry regardless. So this new box remained firmly shut and pushed away to deal with at a later date. 

Eddie never knew if Christopher was feeling a bit stressed about the appointment, or if he picked up on Eddie’s stress; but either way, Eddie barely remembered mentioning the appointment to Buck before he’d volunteered to tag along and keep them company. Christopher was never going to pass up a chance to spend time with Buck, and neither was Eddie, honestly. 

“Dr Wright is running a bit behind, but he’ll be with you as soon as he can,” the receptionist told Eddie as he checked Christopher in. 

“Okay, thanks,” Eddie said, offering her a faint smile before going to join Buck and Christopher. 

Eddie assumed “a bit behind” meant fifteen or twenty minutes, but nearly forty-five minutes after their appointment time, they were still waiting to be seen. Eddie was feeling twitchy, and even Christopher was beginning to get restless. Buck however, was surprisingly still. 

Eddie hadn’t really thought about how Buck had kept Christopher entertained during the tsunami as they sat atop the 136’s engine. Christopher had told him that they’d played I Spy and Twenty Questions, among other things; but in the aftermath of everything that had followed in the subsequent weeks and months, it had rather slipped Eddie’s mind. 

Until now, as Buck effortlessly stepped in to keep Christopher occupied as they waited, seeming to sense that Eddie was a little lost in his head. There were a few rounds of I Spy and Twenty Questions, but when Chris tired of even that, Buck seemed to flag a little. Their chairs were beneath a window, which overlooked the street. Buck suddenly turned sideways on his chair, trying and failing to fold his tall frame into the seat.

“Hey, Chris,” he said brightly. “Look down here, bud.”

Christopher looked around in interest and Eddie moved automatically to steady him as he turned on the chair to be able to peer out of the window, only to find Buck already there. 

“What is it?”

“You see that lady down there? Sitting on the bench and reading the newspaper?” Buck asked in a low voice.

Eddie’s breath caught as he realised what Buck was planning. 

“Yeah?” Christopher asked curiously. 

And Eddie just sat there and listened as Buck convinced Christopher that the lady was a spy, using the newspaper to send secret messages to the man who had just taken a seat at the other end of the bench from her. Christopher embraced this game full-heartedly, even adding his own contributions to the story; to the point that the nurse had to call for Christopher twice before they realised it was their turn. Buck remained in the waiting room, sending Christopher off with a cheery thumbs up and a wink, while Eddie almost stumbled over his own feet as he followed his son in a daze. 

“Dad,” Christopher whispered loudly to him, as Dr Wright busied himself with pulling up and going over Christopher’s file. “Can Buck stay for dinner tonight?”

Eddie blinked, coming back to himself. “Uh, I don’t know, mijo. He might have things he needs to do before our shift tomorrow. Why?”

“I want to write down our story when we get home,” Christopher explained. “And he’s going to remember it more.”

Eddie bit back a smile, running a hand over Christopher’s head. “You’re going to write it down, huh?”

“It doesn’t have an ending yet, Dad,” Christopher said like it was obvious. “It needs an ending.”

Eddie chuckled, nodding slightly. “We can ask him when we’re done here,” he promised. “But if he’s busy tonight, I’m sure he’ll still be happy to write it down for you.”

But Buck did either not have plans, or just wasn’t able to refuse Christopher’s offer once he heard what he wanted; and so as soon as they got home, Christopher and Buck were huddled together at the dining room table on Eddie’s laptop, working together to write out the story of The Spy With the Newspaper (as titled by Christopher).  Eddie couldn’t resist the urge to take a photo of them and send it to Maddie- who was not someone he typically texted a lot. He’d only had her number since Buck had been recovering from his leg when they were all checking in on him; and he hadn’t used it since he’d asked her for birthday present ideas for Chim’s last birthday. 

But he sent her the image, along with a brief message to explain it to her. He wasn’t really expecting a reply any time soon- he wasn’t sure if she was working or not today and he thought at best he might get a heart reaction or something. But it was only about ten minutes later that his phone chimed with a text notification. The message was a string of heart eye emojis, and then a second text came through.

‘Of course it was a spy,’ Maddie wrote. ‘Buck was obsessed with spy stories when he was Christopher’s age.’ 

Eddie had no trouble believing that. He was in the middle of typing as such when a third text came through that made Eddie freeze, staring at his screen. 

‘I don’t know if I’ve told you this, but I love how much Buck loves you two, and how much Christopher loves him. He deserves it. Thank you for letting him have that, Eddie.’

Eddie read and re-read the words again until his vision blurred. 

No, he wanted to write back to Maddie. You don’t understand. Thank YOU for everything you did for Buck, so that he could be exactly what we needed. Don’t you understand that I love him too?

And that was it. 

Sudden clarity, as hard as it had hit him when he was buried in the well collapse, when he’d realised there was only one way out to get back to his son. That tiny box he’d shoved into the corner of his mind tumbled open and the contents spilled open with a mental crash.

He loved Buck too. He loved Buck. 

Oh. 

Well. That was new. 

Chapter Text

It turned out that opening one of those tiny boxes Eddie had stored in a corner of his mind- well, actually he thought it was more like stumbling as you passed the pile of boxes, catching yourself on one to keep from falling which then fell to the ground and spilled its contents all over the place- it was like dropping a bag of glitter or sand. You can clean it up, sure; but no matter how many times you vacuum, you’re going to keep finding bits underfoot or stuck to you so that you can no longer ignore it.

Not that Eddie wanted to ignore the realisation that he was in love with Buck… did he? He just didn’t really know what to do with it. By the time he’d realised he was in love with Shannon, they’d already been dating for a couple of months, so it was just more the natural next step of their relationship. This was not the case here. Did he say something to Buck? How did you even do that? Especially without having to answer a whole bunch of questions that Eddie didn’t have answers to. 

No, he didn’t know when or how it had happened. He didn’t know if this meant that he was gay or bi or pan or whatever. He just knew that he loved Buck, and that was completely new, yet somehow felt absolutely right in a way few things ever had. 

Eddie knew the stories about Abby and he’d met Ali, and he’d heard a whole bunch of stories about Buck 1.0; but he’d never heard Buck explicitly say if he’d ever been attracted to another man or if he’d be willing to date one. Then again, Eddie had never asked. 

All Eddie could think of was every telenovela he’d ever seen, or those rom-coms Shannon had loved; the ones where the love interest confesses their love to the protagonist- seemingly always just before they were about to get engaged or married to someone else. And they always said “I just had to tell you”, and the protagonist always ended up with them eventually- even if they’d never shown any hint of romantic interest towards them before this moment and no matter how much they had loved the other person. 

But of course, in those cases there was a script. A plot. A writer who was invested in giving the characters a happily ever after (well, usually. Eddie doubted the writers of some of the telenovelas he’d seen were interested in happily ever afters rather than drama and ratings). The real world had none of that, it didn’t fit into a checklist of tropes and patterns that fit a specific genre. 

No, the real world was complicated. Eddie had to work with Buck, had to have his back in potentially dangerous situations. And there was Christopher to think of, and Eddie wouldn’t do anything that would make Buck feel unwelcome in their lives. So, Eddie ultimately resolved, maybe it was best that he say nothing and prioritise preserving their friendship; even if the traitorous part of his brain couldn’t stop himself from watching Buck more closely these days.

It had been almost a month since Eddie’s epiphany when they had one of those shifts, when a number of calls seemed to be all mysteriously related to a theme, or to something related to one of their own lives in that moment. Buck and Chim insisted these days were signs from the universe, but Eddie didn’t believe in such nonsense. 

“How can you be raised Catholic and not believe in signs from the universe?” Buck had asked him once. “Isn’t the Bible full of stories of God talking to people or sending them signs? And if you think they’re lying, can I please be there when you tell your Abuela that?’

Eddie had no interest in giving his Abuela a stroke, so he would be doing no such thing, thank you Buck. 

But even Eddie had to admit, when they were called to a restaurant that was apparently hosting a rehearsal dinner gone wrong, he had to wonder if the universe was giving him a sign. Or at least had a sick sense of humour. 

“Who does that?” the bride insisted through sobs as Eddie tried to assess her, glaring across to where Chim was treating the best man, who had a broken nose at the very least. “What was he thinking?”

“You needed to know, Nina!” the best man cried mournfully. “I needed you to have all the information before you chose!”

At least, that’s what Eddie was fairly sure he said. It was rather muffled by the aforementioned broken nose. 

“What choice, Brett?” Nina screeched back at him, rising to her feet. “I’ve been with Matt for six years. We’re getting married tomorrow. What part of that sounds like I’m in love with you?!” 

Eddie sat back on his heels, glancing automatically over at Buck nearby and exchanging a wide-eyed look with him. Buck gave a subtle grimace and turned back to checking over more of the guests. 

As best as they could figure, the best man had decided the rehearsal dinner was the best time to declare his love for the bride, who had been horrified and very surprised; the groom had been both furious and convinced this meant his fiancee and the best man had been having an affair and attacked the best man; and then a complete brawl had broken out between the groom’s family and the bride’s. The maid of honour had the foresight to call 911 after the first punch. 

“I had to tell you!” Brett continued to protest. 

“You had to tell me for what purpose? To make yourself feel better?” Nina spat. “You’re such a selfish ass.”

“Nina- it’s Nina, right?” Eddie checked, gaining her attention. 

Nina looked down at him as though she’d forgotten he was there, nodding reluctantly. 

“Okay,” Eddie said calmly. “I really need to check you over, make sure you’re not hurt.”

She sniffed, collapsing back into her seat. “I’m not hurt,” she said miserably. “My fiance won’t even look at me, my father has a dislocated shoulder and I might be out a hundred grand if Matt cancels this wedding because of his ass of a best friend, but I’m not hurt.”

“Okay,” Eddie said again. “But can I just check anyway?”

She shrugged, and let Eddie check her over. 

“Yikes,” was the first thing Buck said to Eddie once they were on their way back to the station, all injured parties either on their way to the hospital or patched up on scene. They’d left Athena and a few other cops on the scene still collecting statements and dealing with that, and none of them envied her at all. 

“I know,” Eddie agreed. 

“This is why Athena and I eloped,” Bobby chimed in from the front seat and Buck scoffed. 

“Sure it was, Cap,” he grinned and Eddie stifled a smile, even if Bobby couldn’t see him. 

Eddie had to admit though, the scene made him feel much better about his and Shannon’s own wedding; with half his relatives whispering loudly about the fact Shannon had gotten pregnant out of wedlock, and Eddie and Shannon having to pretend that this was a choice they’d made unrelated to said pregnancy that they were not at all unprepared for. 

And now there was the extra facet, where his brain’s natural response was to compare the way he’d loved Shannon to the way he loved Buck. He didn’t need to compare them. He’d loved Shannon, and he loved Buck. Each had their own challenges and complications, but there didn’t need to be a competition. His feelings for Buck didn’t invalidate what he and Shannon had shared, and Shannon wasn’t any kind of threat to his relationship with Buck- if ever such a thing existed beyond their friendship. It just was. 

“Why do you think he did it?” Buck asked Eddie later that night as they sat on the couch, each cradling a mug of coffee. 

“Who?”

“Brett. The best man,” Buck clarified. “Do you think he really expected the bride to… what? Call off her wedding and run off with him?”

“I don’t know,” Eddie shrugged. “Watched too many movies, probably.”

He leaned his head back against the couch and stared up at the ceiling with a sigh. “What would you do?”

There was a pause. “Who am I in this scenario?” Buck asked. “The bride or the best man?”

Eddie snorted tiredly. “Either?”

There was another pause, and when Eddie lolled his head to the side, he saw Buck’s brow creased thoughtfully as he stared across the room, thinking about it carefully. Eddie expected nothing less really, but it still made his heart twinge with affection.

“If I was Brett here, and I loved someone that I couldn’t be with? I don’t know, I’d probably just… leave.”

Eddie’s head rose sharply. “Leave?”

Buck shrugged. “It would be a hard situation. If you’re in love with someone and you want them to be happy, but at the same time, you have to watch them be with someone else? Yeah, I’d leave. Maybe with some distance, you can get to a place where you can be their friend again.”

Eddie swallowed, fighting back the urge to insist Buck promise to stay. Preferably forever. 

“Although, what was the bride’s name?”

“Nina,” Eddie said hoarsely. 

“Right, Nina. I didn’t really get the impression that she and Brett were friends. But if you fall in love with your best friend’s partner? Definitely don’t say anything. Because Nina was right- unless he was sure that she returned his feelings? Dick move, dude.” 

“He’s right,” Hen agreed, surprising them both. 

Eddie hadn’t even heard her and Chim return. 

“The bride’s right, it’s a totally selfish move. The only one who might feel better now is the best man,” she said, sitting down on Buck’s other side. 

“Not with that broken nose,” Buck snorted and Hen hit him lightly. 

“Although if I was Nina,” Buck continued, tilting his head thoughtfully. “And someone I knew said they were in love with me… I don’t know. It could be nice… you know, if I wasn’t with someone else at the time,” he amended.

“You think?” Hen asked him with a soft smile, both oblivious to the way Eddie’s heart suddenly clenched. 

“Maddie and Chim were friends before they started dating,” Buck reminded them. “Well, they say so anyway. We all know they were dating without knowing it. But Bobby and Athena? Also friends first. Eds, weren’t you and Shannon friends before you started dating?”

Eddie nodded rather numbly. “Yeah,” he said faintly. “It was a bit different though. We were teenagers.” 

In hindsight, Eddie thought maybe that was where he and Shannon had fallen apart. At some point, after becoming married and then parents, they’d stopped being friends. By the end, they’d been hardly better than strangers who shared a child. Eddie missed that, and the hunch that perhaps they might have gotten that friendship back if not for Shannon’s accident was little comfort most of the time. 

“You and Abby were friends first too, right?” Hen asked Buck, and Eddie tensed.

Buck grimaced slightly. “We were friendly,” he allowed. “I mean, we said we were friends, but I think we both figured it was a matter of time until we got together.” 

A faint shadow flickered across his face for a moment, and then he brightened, grinning at them. 

“But also, it would depend on the friend declaring their love for me,” he laughed. “I mean, I love you Hen, but Eddie’s got way more chance than you.”

Eddie almost spilled his coffee, gaping at Buck wordlessly as Hen rolled her eyes with a laugh.

“Hate to break it to you, Buckaroo, but I already knew that,” she smiled. “Somehow, I think Karen and I will survive that blow.”

Buck laughed again, just as Bobby came up the stairs. 

“Buck, if you’ve got time for laughs, you’ve got time to help me,” he called out and Buck nodded agreeably, draining the rest of his coffee in one go.

“Remember, Eds,” he said to Eddie, knocking their knees together lightly. “When you declare your love for me, I like sunflowers.”

And then he was gone, bounding over to Bobby who watched with a fond smile and leaving Eddie staring after him in shock.

“I know,” he croaked, his mind reeling.

Because he did know, because Christopher had insisted on getting some artificial ones in Buck’s care package over the summer.

“They’re his favourite, Dad. And if we get fake ones, they’ll last forever.”

And Eddie had added them to the cart, thinking how perfectly appropriate it was that Buck’s favourite flowers were as bright and sun-filled as he was. Had he loved Buck then? Eddie didn’t know. 

Eddie didn’t know how seriously to take Buck’s comment, and he was too afraid to ask. Hen spent the rest of their shift shooting Eddie glances that seemed half-sympathetic and half-exasperated, and Eddie couldn’t bring himself to ask her what she knew (or suspected) and just avoided her instead. 

For the next week, Eddie wrestled with himself about whether or not Buck had been serious. He found himself staring at Buck even more than before, analysing his interaction with everyone they passed and trying to work out if Buck was just being friendly, or if there was a passing interest. It was getting to the point that even Bobby was giving Eddie odd, vaguely worried looks at time, although thankfully Buck appeared oblivious. And then they had a call that made Eddie forget about it all. 

It was another night shift, and it was almost midnight when they were called to a house in the suburbs. Athena was already on scene when they arrived, and she met them at the engine, her face grim. 

“It’s bad,” she said to Bobby quietly, as the rest of them hung back and waited for instructions. 

“Dispatch said domestic violence situation?” Bobby replied, just as quietly. 

Athena nodded. “Man attacked his wife and three children and then himself. Parents are gone, officers inside are checking the children.”

Bobby exhaled softly before turning to give them instructions. “Hen and Chim, check the kids. Eddie, Buck, the parents.”

Hen and Chim shouldered their bags and headed towards the house, Eddie following behind them and sensing Buck close on his heels. As soon as he entered the door, Eddie could smell blood. And as soon as he got a glimpse of the wife’s body, Eddie thought that Athena’s description of “bad” was a gross understatement. He cursed in Spanish under his breath as he stepped forward gingerly while Hen and Chim hurried off to find the children. An officer was standing over the husband, and he met Eddie’s gaze and shook his head. 

A sudden clutter startled him, and Eddie whirled around to see Buck disappearing from view as he practically stumbled backwards to the exit. Without a second thought as to his job, Eddie followed, hurrying past a stunned Bobby and Athena as he jogged after Buck’s retreating form. He trailed Buck around the engine just in time for Buck to collapse to his knees, emptying his stomach into the hedge of the nearest house. It took Eddie a moment to connect the dots, to put the sight inside the house alongside what Maddie had looked like that night in the hospital after her struggle with Doug; and the reminder that Buck had found her in the immediate aftermath, before she had been cleaned and patched up. 

 Then his bag hit the ground as he hurried over to Buck’s side, kneeling beside him and gently placing a hand between Buck’s shoulder blades. 

“It’s okay, you’re okay,” Eddie murmured, rubbing small circles as Buck gasped for breath, retching almost violently. 

When he straightened up, Buck swayed slightly and Eddie moved to steady him. He urged Buck to move back from the hedge and closer to the engine. Buck’s face was clammy and he was visibly shaking, and if the light was better, Eddie was sure that his face would be devoid of colour. He settled Buck to lean against the engine and only left his side to grab a bottle of water from his bag and a shock blanket before he returned to Buck’s side, easing down beside him.

When he made to wrap the blanket around Buck’s shoulders, Buck made an unhappy noise in the back of his throat and tried to shrug it off, but Eddie slapped his hand away.

“Don’t even try it,” Eddie said firmly, wrapping Buck up and placing an arm around his shoulders for good measure. 

Buck didn’t fight that, in fact, he sagged against Eddie’s side with a muffled sob, dipping his head against Eddie’s collarbone. Eddie’s heart wrenched as he tightened his grip on Buck and without even thinking about it, he pressed his lips to the crown of Buck’s head. He tensed as he realised what he’d done, but Buck didn’t react at all- at least not that Eddie could see. 

Footsteps approached and Eddie’s gaze lifted to meet Bobby’s gaze as he came around into view. His eyes were tight at first, but the moment his eyes landed on Buck, any irritation melted away. He and Eddie exchanged a knowing look and then Bobby crouched down before them, placing a hand on Buck’s shin. 

“Buck?”

“I’m sorry, Bobby,” Buck choked out, his voice thick with tears and still muffled against Eddie’s neck.

Bobby shook his head, even though Buck couldn’t see him. “You’re good, kid,” he said gently. “Take a sec.”

Beneath Eddie’s arm, Buck trembled. “He- he just… Maddie…”

“Maddie’s okay,” Bobby said softly. “She’s safe, Buck. She’s probably sleeping right now.”

Buck’s only reply was another stifled sob. 

Bobby looked to Eddie and raised an eyebrow, wordlessly asking if Eddie had this. Eddie nodded firmly and Bobby tried for a smile, but didn’t quite manage one. Bobby went back to work, but Eddie remained with his arms tight around Buck and his nose buried in Buck’s hair. 

His mind was blank. Other than reminding Buck that Maddie was safe, Eddie had no clue what to say to reassure him. Eddie felt he struggled with words at the best of times, but he was at a true loss here. This wasn’t like after the tsunami when he could remind Buck that even if he felt that he had failed Christopher, all that mattered to Chris and Eddie was that Buck had saved him, and the lengths that he had gone to keep him safe initially and to try and find him afterwards. 

When noises came nearer the engine, Buck finally pulled back from Eddie. As much as he wanted to protest, Eddie didn’t stop him from shrugging off the blanket and rising to his feet, only making sure that he was steady and silently pressing the water bottle into his chest as a reminder for him to keep drinking. Buck sniffed, and climbed up into the truck silently, Eddie could only give him the courtesy of pretending that he didn’t notice the way Buck had to attempt it twice due to his shaking hands. 

“Athena called Maddie,” Bobby murmured to Eddie before they could likewise climb up. “She’s on her way.”

Eddie just nodded, his shoulders sagging with gratitude for Bobby and Athena. Bobby’s gaze seemed rather knowing for a moment as he clasped Eddie’s shoulder and moved to open the door, but Eddie dismissed that. 

Buck was silent the whole drive back to the firehouse, only alternating between taking shaky sips of water and staring dully out the window. And the engine had barely come to a stop before he was out of his seat and headed towards the showers. 

“The kids?” Eddie asked Bobby as they headed up to the loft and over to the kitchen. 

“The eldest two were alive when the ambulance left,” Bobby said somberly. “Two girls- about twelve and ten, we think. The youngest was gone. Chim thinks an artery was cut.”

Eddie flinched, and only the realisation of the time kept him from pulling out his phone to text Carla and check in on Christopher. 

Maddie arrived before Buck had emerged from the showers, but after Bobby had been able to get dispatch to take them off-line for a few hours and make a big batch of hot cocoa; a mug of which both Hen and Chim accepted eagerly upon their return. She’d clearly just thrown a sweatshirt and sneakers over her pyjamas, her rounded stomach protruding before her. 

“How is he?” Maddie demanded, before she was even fully up the stairs. “Is he hurt?”

“Not physically,” Bobby reassured her as Chim hurried over to offer her a hand. 

Maddie grasped Chim’s hand tightly and allowed him to hug her, but her gaze never left Bobby. “What happened?” she asked.

“We were called to a domestic,” Chim explained quietly, leading her over to the others. “A man attacked his wife, three kids and then killed himself.”

“Two of the kids are alive,” Hen said, as Maddie gasped. “The youngest was gone by the time we got there.”

“What he did to his wife… it was really bad, Maddie,” Chim told her hesitantly. 

“Buck, he…” Bobby trailed off, but no one needed him to finish the sentence. 

Maddie’s eyes were filled with tears as she clutched Chim's hand. “Where is he?”

“Showers,” Eddie offered, unable to say anymore than that. 

“Are you okay?” he heard Maddie ask Chim quietly as they waited. 

“I’ve probably seen worse, although it doesn’t feel like it right now,” Chim replied heavily. “But I wasn’t the one who found you that day.”

Maddie’s lips pressed together as she leaned into Chim’s side, their hands coming together to rest on her stomach in a way that felt too intimate to watch. Eddie turned away and stared into the depths of his mug, only looking up again when heavy, slow footsteps came up the stairs. 

Buck’s hair was still damp and he was hunched over, somehow looking so small in his LAFD hoodie and sweats. He stilled at the top of the stairs when his gaze found his sister, and in the moment it took his lip to tremble, Maddie was across the room and wrapping all six-feet-two of her brother into her arms. 

Eddie was too far away to hear the exact words that Maddie was whispering to Buck, but as Chim slowly approached, his face softened. Eddie watched, torn, as Chim guided Buck and Maddie off towards the bunkroom where they could have a little privacy, aching to be the one that could hold Buck and offer him comfort. 

“He’ll be okay, Eddie,” Bobby said quietly. “You know what it's like.”

Eddie did know. The first few calls they’d gone to that involved injured pedestrians after Shannon’s death had been unbearable. But it had been Buck, even though he’d been recovering and in pain from his leg, who had been there for him. And now, Eddie wasn’t sure how to return the favour. 

“He’s been fine whenever we’ve been to crush injuries or water-related things, right?” Hen checked, looking between them. 

“Mostly,” Eddie allowed, although he could think of a few calls where Buck had needed to take a moment afterwards. “But Buck’s always better when he’s hurt than when someone he loves is.”

Chim returned shortly with a simple, “Maddie’s got it.”

Eddie wanted to give Buck and Maddie their space, but he could only kill so much time before he had to see Buck and slipped away to the bunkroom. When he opened the door carefully, Maddie was humming quietly in the dimly lit room. It took Eddie a moment to recognise it- ‘My Favourite Things’ from The Sound of Music. It was one of his mother’s favourite movies. She was sitting on a bunk, feet outstretched before her and leaning back against the pillows tiredly. Buck was lying next to her sound asleep, his features peaceful but his eyes still faintly puffy.

Maddie stopped humming as Eddie approached, but kept a hand resting atop Buck’s head. 

“You need a rest?” Eddie offered in a whisper, extending a mug of tea towards her.

Maddie shook her head. “Pregnancy insomnia was already a thing before Athena called me,” she reassured him. “And I guess I should practise being up all night, right?”

“You should practise resting when you can,” Eddie corrected and she chuckled. 

“I’m okay.”

Eddie sat on the edge of the next bunk over and looked at Buck’s sleeping figure. “Is he?”

Maddie looked down at him, sadly. “Yeah. I guess we dealt with my trauma about what happened, but we didn’t think about his.”

“He didn’t handle the idea of losing you very well,” Eddie said lamely, because that was an understatement.

“I know,” Maddie said softly, wincing.

Eddie watched Buck’s chest rise and fall for a few moments, until he had the sudden fear that he was being very obvious and he cleared his throat and forced his back to Maddie.

“The Sound of Music?”

Maddie chuckled quietly. “When I was in high school, we did the musical,” she told him. “I got the role of the Mother Abbess, and I was awful.”

“Come on,” Eddie rolled his eyes. “I’ve heard you do karaoke.”

“Not when I was sixteen and trying to do those songs,” Maddie laughed. “But Buck listened to me sing the songs for hours. We did five shows, and he begged to come to every one so he could cheer me on.”

“He was what, five?” Eddie guessed, doing the mental math and Maddie nodded.

“My parents came to opening night, but that was enough for them. But they let me take him with me to the other shows, and he’d sit with our drama teacher in the wings and watch. After that, whenever he was sick or if he’d had a bad dream, I’d sing ‘My Favourite Things’ for him to calm him down and get him to sleep. Apparently, it still works at twenty-nine.”

Eddie’s first thought was to wonder which of the many playlists Buck had made with Christopher had ‘My Favourite Things’ on them. He’d be willing to bet everything he owned that it was on at least one of them. 

Before he could decide what to say, Maddie launched into the story of when Buck had tried to sing along with her at six years old, but misheard “schnitzel with noodles” as “Shih Tzus with Poodles” and the moment was gone as they both laughed quietly, so as not to disturb Buck.

“There was this one time when Christopher was about five,” Eddie said and Maddie smiled sweetly as he launched into the story, anything to keep him here by Buck’s side until he woke up.

Chapter Text

Buck seemed a little quieter for the next few days, which Eddie assumed was because he felt a little embarrassed about his breakdown, although none of them judged him in the slightest. They’d all been there before, and it wouldn’t be the last time either. Athena had followed up on the two surviving children for them. They would be fine- physically at least- and their maternal aunt had come down from Seattle to take them in and make arrangements. It was a small comfort to them all, but at least it was something. 

And then a week later, as he sat on Eddie’s couch and stared at the beer bottle in his hands instead of at the movie playing on TV, Buck spoke up softly.

“I made an appointment with a therapist for Friday.”

Eddie stilled, his own beer bottle halfway to his mouth. “Yeah?”

Buck nodded. “Her name’s Dr Copeland… she seems nice.”

Eddie carefully took a sip of beer, glancing over to Buck. “Is this about last week?”

Buck shrugged one shoulder. “Kinda? I’ve been sort of thinking about it for a while- since the train derailment,” he said carefully with a quick glance at Eddie.

Eddie couldn’t help but tense at the reminder of Buck’s reunion with Abby. 

“But it was always pretty easy to talk myself out of it. I haven’t exactly had the best of luck with therapy. Last week though, talking with Maddie after… I don’t want to do that again.”

Eddie took another sip of beer. It was no secret Eddie wasn’t a therapy fan, and he wondered if that was why Buck hadn’t told him before now. 

“Well, if you need some TLC after a session, we’re here,” he said. “You know Christopher will be happy to give you all the hugs if he knows you’re sad.”

It had the intended effect, making Buck smile and dip his head. “He does give good hugs,” he agreed. “But thanks.” 

Rather selfishly, Eddie couldn't help but wonder if Buck going to therapy meant that this was a bad time to talk to Buck about them- as if ‘them’ existed in the context Eddie wanted them to exist and as if he’d actually been planning to do so before Buck’s announcement. If Buck was starting therapy, was this the best time to have this talk? Eddie may not have been a fan of therapy, but he knew how much it could mess with your head, and the last thing he wanted was to add to that. He wasn’t sure if he was relieved or disappointed to have a reason to put off that conversation. 

Eddie wasn’t surprised when Buck showed up on his doorstep unannounced on Friday evening, looking heavy but not particularly upset. Eddie didn’t even blink before ushering him inside and over to the couch; nor did Christopher hesitate to settle onto the couch next to him and hug him tightly. He immediately launched into the story of his day at school, the trip to Target they’d taken afterwards because Christopher needed a new jacket, and the sunflower magnet he had seen there and insisted on buying; and that plus a night of greasy burgers, fries and a few rounds of video games until Christopher went to bed seemed to help. Buck’s shoulders were much lighter as he hugged Christopher goodnight.

“Pick us something to watch,” Eddie told him as he shepherded Christopher towards bed, a subtle invitation to stay. 

Buck just smiled and nodded, and when Eddie returned after tucking Chris in, he’d pulled up some drama movie that Eddie was pretty sure was on the list that Chim kept adding to of movies that he was “mortally offended” that Buck hadn’t seen. 

“You good?” he asked quietly, collapsing onto the couch beside him.  

“Getting there,” Buck replied simply. 

Eddie would take that for now. 

They were perhaps two thirds through the movie when a sudden cry made them both freeze. In a flash, Eddie was hurtling himself off the couch and towards Christopher’s room. He burst through the door and switched on the light as he dashed to Christopher’s side. 

“Hey, Chris. Chris!” he said, smoothing his hand over Christopher’s sweaty curls to rouse him.

The sheets were tangled around Christopher’s body, and also rather damp with sweat, but luckily, Christopher jerked awake fairly quickly. He dissolved into tears, stretching his arms out to Eddie and clinging to his neck tightly. 

“It’s okay, mijo,” Eddie murmured soothingly, rubbing circles on his back. “You’re okay. Bad dream?”

Christopher nodded, whimpering into his neck. 

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“The water,” Christopher choked out, and Eddie winced. “All the water was gone, and the wave was coming.”

It had been months since Christopher had last had a nightmare about the tsunami, and Eddie had rather hoped they were done with that. Especially when if Chris mentioned it, it was mostly in regards to Buck saving him. Eddie pressed a kiss to his forehead, for once knowing exactly how to best comfort Christopher in this moment.

“Okay, bud. Come here,” Eddie said, lifting Christopher into his arms. 

He returned to the living room, where Buck was hovering in the middle of the room unsurely. 

“Here we go,” Eddie said. “Chris, why don’t you give your Buck a cuddle while I get you some fresh sheets and pjs, huh?”

Buck’s eyes widened slightly. “Eddie, I can do that,” he protested, even as he automatically caught Christopher as he reached for him. 

“It’s fine,” Eddie reassured him. “I’ll be right back.” 

He had a hunch that Christopher needed Buck more than him right now and he was happy to take full advantage of Buck conveniently being here.

He made quick work of changing the sheets and then grabbed a fresh pair of pyjamas for Christopher, dumping the dirty sheets in the laundry on his way back to the living room. Buck was pacing the room slowly, Christopher clinging to him like a little koala and sagging tiredly against his chest. And Eddie, now, wasn’t even surprised to catch Buck humming a familiar tune quietly as Christopher sniffled softly. But it still made him smile softly, and fall for Buck a little more. 

At this point he wasn’t even sure if Buck was consciously taking all the little jokes and traditions he’d created with Maddie in his youth and passing them on to Christopher, or if it was more innate. But it never failed to warm his heart. 

“Alright, mijo,” he announced himself, stepping into the room. “Let’s get you changed.”

As he took Christopher back from Buck, he got a glimpse of Buck’s face and knew that Christopher had told him what he’d been dreaming about. And because he knew Buck, Eddie knew that Buck was a heartbeat away from fleeing back to the loft and stewing in a fresh wave of guilt all night. 

He hoisted Christopher a little more securely on his hip, and pointed to Buck with a stern finger. 

“Stay,” he said firmly. “I’ll be back.”

Buck opened his mouth, probably to protest, but Eddie raised an eyebrow at him. 

“Stay,” he repeated and then left before Buck could argue with him. 

Eddie got Christopher changed, got him a drink of water and got him to wash his face and blow his nose and then settled them both onto the bed. 

“How are you doing, buddy? Feeling better?” he asked, brushing Christopher’s curls back.

Christopher nodded, sniffling slightly. “It was scary.”

“I know,” Eddie sympathised. “But you’re safe.”

Chris nodded again. “It helped having Buck here,” he offered and Eddie smiled softly. 

“Yeah? Good. Do you think you’re ready to try sleeping again now?”

Christopher nodded again, a little sleepily. “I wish Buck was here all the time,” he said as Eddie got up and helped him under the covers. “He should live with us. We could fit an air mattress on my floor.”

Eddie bit back a smile. “I’ll take that under consideration,” he said dryly, tucking him in. “You know Buck snores, right?”

Christopher giggled slightly, which told Eddie that he was definitely feeling much better.

He sat by Chris’s side until he fell asleep once more- which thankfully happened relatively easily- before returning to the living room. Buck was still there, but was hunched over on the couch, staring at the floor with heavy shoulders. Eddie said nothing as he crossed the room and sat next to him on the couch, just waiting. It seemed to take an age before Buck lifted his head to Eddie, and his chest ached at the sight of Buck's red eyes. 

“Eddie, I’m-”

“Nope,” Eddie cut him off. “Don’t even try it.”

Buck titled his head. “Eddie.”

“No,” Eddie said firmly. “Buck, we’ve been through this a million times. A natural disaster is not your fault.”

Buck blinked and his eyes turned glassy. “But I lost him.”

“You saved him. And he wasn’t dreaming about falling off the truck, he was dreaming about the first wave. Which you absolutely had no control over.”

Buck was shaking his head and Eddie sighed. “Buck, come on. You can’t outrun a tsunami.”

Buck didn’t look at all convinced, and Eddie reached over and placed a hand on his arm. “Buck.”

Buck looked at him with sad, wary eyes and Eddie took a deep breath. He wasn’t typically one for words, but for Buck, he’d try. 

“Do you know how lucky we are? To have you?” he asked him.

Buck’s mouth gaped slightly at Eddie, and his surprise would have almost made Eddie laugh if it didn’t break his heart. 

“Christopher adores you,” Eddie reminded him. “And I can’t tell you what it means to me that you love him as much as you do.”

Buck’s eyes brimmed with tears, and he wiped at his cheek roughly as they began to spill. 

“You do so much for us, every single day. And you have since… well, almost the moment we met,” Eddie said with a small smirk, and Buck let out a watery chuckle. 

Eddie sobered, hesitated and then pushed forward. “After the well collapse…”

Buck stiffened beneath his hand, which Eddie ignored. 

“I realised I had to have a plan for Christopher- just in case the worst should happen,” he said. 

“Your parents?” Buck asked hoarsely, looking forlorn at the very idea and Eddie could almost see the future he was picturing- of losing Eddie, his parents whisking Christopher back to Texas, and being reduced to “the guy who used to work with my dad” in Christopher’s life and perhaps a featured guest star in some nostalgic childhood memories in Christopher’s adulthood. Everything Eddie wanted to avoid.

“They would be the obvious choice,” Eddie allowed, tightening his grip on Buck’s arm slightly. “But no. I want to know that if I can’t be there, Christopher will be somewhere where he can thrive. Where he’ll be happiest, and be encouraged to live the life to the fullest he can- to believe that he can do anything in life he puts his mind to. I want to make sure that he’s with someone who will love him just as much as Shannon and I.”

He watched Buck’s eyes widen with realisation. 

“You- wait. You’d put Chris with me?” 

Eddie nodded and waited as Buck’s brain computed that. 

“You can’t just do that,” Buck blurted out. “I mean, don’t I need to like, sign something? What if I said no?”

Eddie smiled faintly. “You wouldn’t though.”

Buck’s shoulders jerked. “Of course I wouldn’t,” he said in protest, his tone affronted. “But… Eddie, your parents aren’t going to like that.”

“I know,” Eddie conceded. “But that will be your problem,” he joked.

Buck flinched and Eddie sighed, squeezing his arm apologetically. “They don’t get a say, Buck. Chris is my kid, not theirs. And I know what kind of life Christopher would have with them, and that’s not what I want for him.”

Buck visibly swallowed and Eddie couldn’t help but track the motion. 

“Why me?” he finally asked, so quietly that Eddie almost didn’t hear him. 

Eddie paused. There were a million reasons why he’d chosen Buck at the time, and a million ways since that Buck had proven that he was the right choice without even knowing about it. But Eddie lacked the words to express any of them without spilling his whole guts to Buck. Was he ready for that?

“At the time, it was because you were the best choice,” Eddie said simply. “Christopher loves you, trusts you. And you know him, see him and you want the best life for him.”

“At the time?” Buck repeated, meeting Eddie’s gaze, his eyes so open and impossibly blue that Eddie felt he could drown in them. His mouth went dry, and Eddie took a breath. He had a feeling that it was now or never. 

When Sophia had been in high school, they’d done a production of Beauty and the Beast for the school musical, and Sophia had been playing Babette- the feather duster- so they’d all been forced to go watch it (after hearing that story of Maddie in The Sound of Music, Eddie definitely felt Buck was a better brother than he was, who had to be dragged along). There’d been a moment when Cogsworth and Lumiere were encouraging the Beast to tell Belle that he loved her. When asked how he’d know when the right moment would be, the response was “you’ll feel slightly nauseous”. 

Well, Eddie could have happily and literally spilled his guts to Buck right now, so apparently now was the time. 

“Hang on,” he said hoarsely, leaving Buck staring after him quizzically as he left the room. He hurried to the kitchen and grabbed the newly purchased sunflower magnet stuck on the fridge. 

When he returned to the living room, his knees felt weak as he resumed his seat next to Buck, who just stared at him adorably confused. He opened his hand without question as Eddie pressed the magnet into his hand, staring down at it blankly.

“You said,” Eddie murmured. “You said to remember that if I ever wanted to declare my love for you… that you like sunflowers.”

His heart was in his throat as he watched Buck take that in. And although he could read Buck’s mind in a heartbeat in every other situation, only needed a minute expression or gesture on a call to predict his actions; now he couldn’t tell anything and Eddie wasn’t sure if he should be scared about that or not. Buck’s long fingers curled around the petals of the magnet, his knuckles turning white with how tight he was holding onto it, but Eddie didn’t know what that meant. 

“Evan,” Eddie said quietly, making Buck’s eyes whip to him. “Me changing my will… it’s a way to protect Christopher. To make sure that he’s where he’s supposed to be if I can’t be there. But it doesn’t take away from everything that you’ve done for Christopher since the earthquake. You love Chris, and you made him a priority in your life without me even asking you to. You have the biggest heart of anyone I’ve ever met and you don’t think twice about helping the people in your life with anything. After all that, how could I not fall in love with you?”

Buck’s eyes got impossibly wider, and Eddie’s stomach sank at the sight of nothing but pure shock staring back at him. Shit. 

“Sorry,” he apologised, shifting back on the couch away from Buck, running a hand over his face. “Sorry. Jesus. I shouldn’t have- I didn’t mean to put that on you.”

He pushed himself up off the couch and just moved without really thinking or seeing, taking in nothing but the stunned look on Buck’s face that he just knew was going to haunt him til his dying day. Well, he had his answer, and may have just screwed up their friendship in doing so. 

Footsteps, quiet but urgent, echoed throughout the house, getting louder as they neared the kitchen; and Eddie instinctively turned to face Buck, because he couldn’t not. He sank against the kitchen counter, averting his gaze from Buck’s face in favour of staring at his feet. 

“Y-you’re in love with me?”

Eddie ran a hand over his face, gripping the back of his neck. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to say it like that. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, I just-”

“Eddie,” Buck cut him off. “I didn’t say no.”

Eddie looked up so fast he cricked his neck, and he winced as he rubbed at it. “What?”

Buck faltered, swallowing. “I never really thought about it before,” he admitted. “But I’m not- I’m not uncomfortable. About the idea.” 

Eddie stared at him dumbly. “Oh.”

Despite the fact he hadn’t thought about it either until, what, a month ago? Six weeks? Eddie felt a little odd (disappointed? Offended? He didn’t know) about Buck saying he’d never considered the idea. Possibly because he’d indulged in a fantasy or two where he got up the nerve to confess to Buck, only to have Buck admit that he too had been secretly in love with Eddie for just as long. 

“I’d never thought about it either until recently,” he said and a light flickered in Buck’s eyes, almost like jerking him back to his usual self and dissipating the awkward tension in his being.

“How recently?” he asked slyly, and Eddie rolled his eyes. 

“I don’t know exactly,” he replied. “A month or so?”

A small grin crossed Buck’s face and he moved further into the kitchen towards Eddie, a hint of swagger in his movements, and Eddie felt his face flame. 

“You didn’t say no?” Eddie echoed his earlier response back to him in an attempt to distract Buck.

Buck faltered mid-step. “No,” he said slowly, and then wrinkled his nose. “Not that there was a yes or no question asked…”

Eddie smiled despite himself and then pushed himself off the counter, clearing his throat. “But you never thought about it?”

Buck winced rather apologetically. “No… Eds, why would I even have considered this- you- as an option?”

Eddie’s face heated once more, but he ignored it. He wasn’t sure if Buck meant he’d never considered it because he’d thought that Eddie was straight, or because of his own self-worth. Knowing Buck, it could go either way. Or be a matter of both. 

He moved so that they were standing either side of the kitchen table. “I don’t want to… push anything on you,” he said carefully. “I just needed you to understand how important you are to us. To me.”

Buck’s gaze dipped shyly, which was more endearing than it had any right to be. 

“Evan.”

Buck’s gaze flew to his again and he chuckled weakly. “Jeez. Using my first name twice tonight,” he joked half-heartedly but faltered as Eddie just kept staring at him solemnly. 

“You’re my best friend,” he said simply and his heart fluttered at the way Buck instinctively preened at the title. “But you’re also family. To me, and Christopher. And what we have now? That’s not a consolation prize for me, Buck.”

He couldn’t stress that enough. The last thing he wanted was Buck thinking he’d lose Eddie and Christopher if he could never feel anything more than friendship for him. 

Buck smiled softly and nodded slowly. “I wouldn’t want to lose you guys.”

“I know,” Eddie murmured. 

He wanted to promise that would never happen, but he knew Buck would never believe him. 

Buck opened his mouth, closed it again without saying anything and looked around the kitchen at anywhere but Eddie. Eddie just stood there and waited. He could always wait Buck out. They both knew it.

“So, I guess… I’m gonna go. Think,” Buck said finally. 

Eddie nodded. 

Buck reached out across the table, holding out the sunflower magnet on his palm. Eddie reached out, folding his fingers back over it with a shake of his head. 

“Keep it,” he said quietly. “It’s yours. No matter what.”

Buck’s cheeks coloured slightly, but he pulled the magnet back close to his chest almost protectively. Eddie trailed behind him as he headed for the front door, a little awkward. This could have gone better, but considering the last time he’d put his heart on the line- proposing to Shannon- Eddie was still tempted to call this a win. Buck reached the front door and slipped on his sneakers, but his hand faltered as he reached for his jacket, making Eddie tilt his head slightly. 

“You know,” Buck said slowly, turning back to Eddie. “In the interest of thinking…”

Eddie crossed his arms over his chest, fighting back the urge to smile. “Yes?” 

“Don’t you think it would be best if I had all the information at hand?” 

Eddie rolled his eyes, leaning against the wall. “I already told you that I love you,” he pointed out. “What more information do you need?” 

Buck grinned at him, but it wasn’t a full Buck grin, which told Eddie that he wasn’t feeling as suave as he was trying to be; and it gave him a rush of relief that he was once again able to pick up on Buck’s thoughts. And he knew exactly what “information” Buck was hinting at.

“Eddie…”

Eddie straightened up, meeting Buck halfway as he stepped forward. In the dim light of the entryway, lit only by the lamplight spilling out from the living room, Buck’s eyes glittered. Slowly, Eddie raised a hand to cup Buck’s jaw. He could feel Buck swallow beneath his hand and Eddie’s stomach swooped at the sensation. Keeping his eyes fixed on Buck, Eddie slowly moved closer. Buck did nothing to stop him, just held his gaze until they were too close to do so. 

Eddie’s heart clenched nervously. The last first kiss he’d had had been with Shannon, at eighteen- he didn’t count their reunion as a first kiss. It had been after a football game, outside the local diner and Shannon had just leaned over and kissed him. She’d always been braver than him. She’d tasted like vanilla milkshake and salt from fries. Eddie wondered if they did this now, would Buck still taste like the burger he’d eaten hours ago. He wondered if kissing Buck would be very different from kissing Shannon. And absently noted that he didn’t feel any more confident now than he remembered feeling those first few kisses with Shannon. And he desperately wanted this to be the last first kiss he ever had. That either of them had. 

He closed that last inch between them, daring to brush his lips against Buck’s for just too brief a moment before he pulled back; testing the waters, too afraid to let himself have anymore in case this was all he ever got to have. 

“Kiss me like you mean it, Diaz,” Buck murmured, just a hint of teasing in his voice. He wasn’t recoiling, he wasn’t stepping away.

And Eddie swallowed again, realising that if this was his only chance to know what it was to kiss Evan Buckley, he should make it count. He swayed forward to kiss him again, more surely this time, trying to savour every moment of Buck’s lips moving against his. The kiss was perfectly chaste and perfectly sweet. It was perfect. 

“That give you enough to think about?” he asked, after breaking the kiss. 

“I definitely have some thoughts,” Buck said. Then he hesitated. “I just… Eds.”

Eddie dropped his hand from Buck’s jaw to briefly rest over his heart. “I know,” he said quietly. “Take all the time you need, okay? There’s no rush. We’re not going anywhere.”

And even if Buck wouldn’t believe his promise, Eddie knew it to be true. 

Chapter Text

There had been few moments in Eddie’s life where he’d been completely at peace with himself, when he was sure of who he was and his place in the world. That brief window with Shannon, before two lines on a stick had flung them into a spiral of panic and life changes they weren’t ready for; when maybe Eddie hadn’t known exactly what he was going to do with his life, but he’d had Shannon and that had been enough for a moment. A month or so into his time at the 118, when he’d found his feet as a firefighter, as he watched Christopher bloom before his very eyes and knew that leaving El Paso had been the right decision. And he’d had Buck in his corner. 

And now these last few months, when he had Buck. In a way he never could have imagined back then, but there he was- currently in Eddie’s kitchen putting together a smorgasbord of snacks for the three of them, and mixing up a bottle for the bundle of joy that was Jee-Yun Buckley-Han. 

“Need any help?” Eddie offered, stepping up behind him and gently placing his hands on Buck’s hips and still relishing the way Buck couldn’t help but lean back into his touch. 

“You can take the platter out,” Buck said, nodding towards it. 

Eddie nodded, swiping a carrot stick from the pile as he lifted it up, taking it out to the backyard where Christopher was lying on a blanket under a beach cabana Buck had bought for days like this- when it was too perfect a day to stay inside, but wanting to keep them shielded from the sun. He was giggling at Jee-Yun, who had rolled from her tummy to her back in the thirty seconds that Eddie had been gone and seemed very pleased with herself. 

“How are we doing, mijo?”

“I think she’s getting hungry,” Christopher said matter-of-factly. 

“Buck’s just making up her bottle now,” Eddie reassured him with a smile. “We’ve got our snacks. Need anything else?”

Christopher squinted up at him. “Is there juice?”

Eddie arched an eyebrow at him silently, and Christopher smiled sunnily at him, in a way that somehow was all Buck. 

“Dad, could we please have juice if there’s any?” he rephrased and Eddie quirked a smile.

“I’ll see what I can do. You keep an eye on Jee, okay?”

Christopher nodded. “When does she have to go home?”

Eddie checked his watch as he got to his feet. “Another hour or two.”

Maddie had a doctor’s appointment and then a therapy session booked, and Buck had pushed Maddie and Chim to take the time to have coffee or lunch afterwards before they came to pick up Jee.

“Eddie and I have got this, please Mads?” he’d pleaded with her.

And Maddie, no doubt knowing how worried Buck was for her right now, had caved. Buck was desperate to help Maddie and Chim as best he could while Maddie struggled with postpartum depression, and if that happened to mean a lot of quality time baby-sitting his niece, that was a silver lining amongst a sky of dark clouds. Eddie also suspected it had something to do with his determination to beat Albert as Jee’s favourite uncle, but he would never say as such. 

“Is that juice still in the fridge?” he asked Buck as he returned to the kitchen.

“I think so,” Buck answered, testing Jee’s bottle on the inside of his wrist with an ease that made Eddie’s heart melt. “I’ll trade you, bottle for juice- I promised Chris he could give her the bottle.”

“Sure,” Eddie agreed, taking the bottle from him with a gentle kiss that made Buck beam at him.

Eddie wouldn’t change a single moment of the past seven months if it led to here. Not the six weeks of mild awkwardness that he'd felt while Buck had been ‘thinking’; feeling like he was on the precipice of either having or losing some kind of dream life. He was torn between wanting to keep his promise that their friendship wouldn’t change no matter what; but at the same time being very conscious that he knew now what it was to kiss Buck and feeling Buck watch him more carefully than he had before Eddie had handed him a sunflower magnet and his heart on a silver platter. 

He wouldn’t even change the way them getting together had eventually happened, although it certainly hadn’t been ideal. The catalyst had been at the hands of Phillip and Margaret Buckley visiting from Philadelphia under the pretence of Thanksgiving and a last chance to see Maddie before their granddaughter arrived, and a long-held family secret finally spilling out that broke Buck open; and then a heart-stopping moment in a perfume factory where Eddie had feared the worst. But then Buck had been on his doorstep that following night and allowed Eddie to pull him into his bed and hold him tightly; and somewhere around two am, he’d found Eddie’s gaze in the darkness as their heads lay only inches apart.

“There was a moment where I really thought that was it,” he said quietly, his voice tired from a long day of smoke, and difficult conversations with both his parents and then Maddie. “And in that moment, I only thought about you. Eds-”

His voice broke before he could say anything else, but Eddie, because he knew Buck, didn’t need him to finish. He’d moved forward without hesitation this time, cupping the back of Buck’s head as he kissed him.

“I love you,” Buck had simply murmured once he’d pulled away, and that had been it.

The beginning of a journey as they began to relearn one another in this new relationship, that wasn’t too dissimilar from what they’d already built, but at the same time was a whole new dynamic. 

They’d kept it to themselves initially, wanting to get their feet under them without their family watching them. Still, when Buck had dragged Eddie along with him to meet baby Jee for the first time just before New Year’s Eve, neither Maddie nor Chimney had blinked an eye. 

And after the first time Eddie had watched Buck- his boyfriend (potentially, they were still working out terms because Eddie couldn’t help but feel he was a little too old to be a ‘boyfriend’ but he loved the way Buck lit up when he said it) of just barely a month cradling his tiny niece in the crook of his arm with tears in his eyes and the softest smile Eddie had ever seen; if Eddie had needed to press him against the side of the Jeep in the hospital parking lot and kiss him deeply, well that was between him, Buck and the CCTV cameras that may or may not have been around. 

Christopher was almost as besotted with baby Jee as Buck was, and he loved when Buck was baby-sitting and either brought her over to the Diaz house or invited Eddie and Chris to the loft. He sat up now eagerly as Eddie returned to the yard with the bottle, helping Christopher get ready to feed her. Buck’s phone was lying on the blanket next to Christopher, and as Eddie moved it so that it wouldn’t get lost, the screen lit up and he saw it was open to Spotify. 

“You and Buck are making a new playlist?” Eddie asked him.

Christopher shook his head. “I’m making one for Jee-Yun,” he answered and Eddie softened.

“You are?”

“It’s going to be to help her sleep,” Christopher said. “I found all these songs that are lullaby versions of good songs. That way, she can sleep but know all the important songs still.”

Eddie absently wondered what were the ‘important’ songs, but his heart was too full to dwell on that just now. 

“That’s a great idea, kid,” he said. “I bet Jee will love it.”

He knew her uncle certainly would. 

In the five months that he’d known Eddie and Buck were dating, Christopher had been quick to claim Jee-Yun as a cousin. But this was the first time Eddie had seen Christopher pass on something that he’d shared with Buck, and it was everything, Eddie was quickly realising. 

“Dad, can Buck help me with it?” Christopher asked him. “I know what songs I want on it, but Buck says that a good playlist is all about the flow. I can’t get it.”

“I’m sure Buck will be thrilled to help you,” Eddie reassured him and Christopher beamed. 

Christopher had taken the news of their relationship with less excitement than Eddie had first anticipated, which had caused Buck to spiral a little. Eddie had assumed it was to do with missing Shannon, but when he’d sat Christopher down to talk with him about it, the idea of Buck replacing Shannon as a parental figure hadn’t even been a factor for his nine-year-old brain. 

“What if you two break up?” he’d asked Eddie worriedly. “Will we still get to see Buck?”

Eddie couldn’t help but think back to that time during the lawsuit, when Buck hadn’t been around, and he flinched slightly. 

“I promise you, mijo. No matter what happens with Buck and I, he loves you so much,” he told Christopher. “He is never going to leave you by choice, and I’m never going to keep him from you. Okay?”

What he really wanted to promise Christopher was that he and Buck would never break up, but he knew Christopher wouldn’t believe that any more than Buck would. But he seemed to mostly be satisfied with Eddie’s answer, and Buck had backed him up whole-heartedly when Christopher had asked him about it. 

Christopher had been a little wary for a few weeks after that, but by the time they’d told the rest of the 118, he was thrilled about this new development. Maddie had already known, because Buck hated keeping secrets from his sister, but she wisely hadn’t told Chimney. When they’d made the announcement at the first gathering at Bobby and Athena’s after Jee-Yun’s birth, Chim had just stared at them.

“You know, maybe it’s the sleep deprivation,” he said finally. “But somehow, I’m surprised that I’m surprised by this news?”

Hen had cackled, Buck had blushed and that had pretty much been it. 

“Eds,” Buck called out from the back door. “Can you give me a hand?”

“Yep,” Eddie called back, looking at Christopher. “You good with her for two more seconds, bud?”

Christopher nodded and Eddie hurried inside.

Buck immediately met him with a stack of three glasses and a pitcher of what Eddie knew immediately wasn’t just juice. 

“It’s mango nectar and 7 Up,” Buck explained before Eddie could ask. “Trust me.”

Eddie did, with his life. 

“Why did I have mango nectar?” Eddie wondered aloud, and Buck laughed. 

“It was an extra bottle from when I made that cake last month,” he reminded him. “Thought I should use it, and this is like the best summer drink.”

Eddie sniffed it, and had to admit it smelled good. “Is this a Maddie thing?” he guessed and Buck ducked his head. 

“Kinda,” he smiled. “She likes to make it more as a punch with some fruit in it too. But we- you didn’t have any.”

The ‘we’ was enough to make Eddie’s chest burn with love. 

“Come on,” he said instead, gesturing with his head as Buck grabbed some bowls and silverware. “Christopher wants your help- he’s making a sleep playlist for Jee and he wants to get the flow right.”

Buck beamed brilliantly at him. “He is?”

Eddie couldn’t help but beam back at him. “Yep,” he confirmed. 

So after Jee had finished her bottle, Eddie swooped her up to burp her and keep her occupied while Buck and Christopher diligently put together the ‘perfect’ sleep playlist for Jee-Yun, snacking on the platter Buck had made. He’d missed this time with Christopher, had only lived it all vicariously through the stories of Shannon, his mother and his sisters as they raved about newborn smell, velvety skin and tiny smiles that Eddie only got pictures of. And even though it wasn’t like he’d never handled a baby before now, he had to admit as he inhaled the sweet scent off Jee-Yun’s head, that the baby smell was a good one. 

“I think that’s a pretty perfect playlist, bud,” Buck said eventually, his tone fond as he looked over the list. 

Christopher beamed. “Dad, can we go inside now so I can play it on the stereo?” he asked Eddie, who agreed. 

He’d figured they’d had enough sun for today, and it was definitely nearing the hottest part of the day. 

He handed Jee to Buck, and while he may have claimed it was only fair that he cleaned everything up when Buck had put it all together, he couldn’t deny that he loved the sight of Buck holding a baby. 

Maddie and Chim arrived just over an hour later while Jee-Yun was napping on Buck’s chest, Christopher quietly playing video games while Eddie folded laundry. 

“Hey,” Buck greeted them softly, making to move before Maddie waved him off. “How did it go?”

Maddie smiled faintly, and Eddie had seen Buck after therapy sessions enough to sense it was genuine. “Today’s a good day,” she said simply, squatting down beside the couch to run a hand over Jee-Yun’s back. 

Buck’s shoulders eased and when Eddie glanced over to Chim, he just nodded, looking lighter than Eddie had seen him in a long time. Eddie really hoped they were turning a corner now. 

“Chris, do you want to show Maddie and Chim what you made for Jee?” Buck asked him and Christopher brightened, immediately pausing his game to reach for Buck’s phone. 

“I made her a playlist, to help her sleep,” he said, pulling it up and turning the screen towards Maddie. 

And Maddie, who by now knew about all those tiny moments that had led to Eddie realising that he was in love with Buck (because she and Karen had once cornered him and demanded answers), and therefore knew about all the playlists that Buck and Christopher shared; Maddie looked at the playlist, looked to Buck and then smiled through tearful eyes. 

“Thank you so much, Christopher,” she said thickly. “I’m sure she’s going to love it.”

“Hey, it knocked her out in like twenty minutes earlier,” Buck said. 

“But she had also just had a very stinky diaper which I’m sure took a lot out of her,” Eddie added dryly. 

Christopher wrinkled his nose. “It stunk so bad,” he informed Maddie and Chim and they all laughed. 

Maddie hugged Christopher tightly, and then scooped up her sleeping daughter from Buck’s chest, carefully handing her over to Chim. Buck got up swiftly once he was unencumbered by sleeping baby, looking over Maddie concernedly. 

“You sure you’re okay?”

“The new meds seem to be helping, and my therapist is good,” Maddie reassured him softly. “We’ll get the results of my blood test in a few days to check my thyroid, but my doctor seems confident. I’m doing okay, Buck.”

Buck smiled, hugging her tightly. 

Late that night found Eddie climbing into bed after locking up the house, while Buck already lay in bed, scrolling through the latest bunch of photos he'd taken that day of Jee-Yun, Christopher and of the two of them together. 

"Okay, this is my favourite," he announced to Eddie. 

Eddie shifted closer to Buck's side, resting his head on the edge of the pillow that he always thought of as Buck's now. Maybe it would be soon… Buck's lease on the loft was up in August… 

The photo Buck was showing him was of Eddie balancing Jee on his knee, while Christopher explained the playlist to her and the reason behind each song they added. Jee-Yun was watching him with wide eyes, riveted. Eddie had no trouble understanding why it was Buck's favourite. 

"You ever think about it?"

"About what?" Buck asked, scrolling through his photos again, just sticking out his tongue between his teeth in concentration. 

But Eddie wasn't going to let himself be distracted by that right now. 

"Kids."

Buck fumbled with his phone, almost dropping it as he turned his head towards Eddie. "Kids?" he repeated, like the concept was foreign to him. 

Eddie suppressed a smile. "You know, tiny humans. Like the one sleeping down the hall. Possibly smaller."

Buck blinked at him and then set his phone down on his stomach, only for it to slide between them as he pushed himself up into a sitting position.

"Have you thought about it?" he asked Eddie, deflecting the question. 

Eddie knew what he was doing, but he let it slide. He knew why Buck was doing it. He knew how much Buck loved kids. But Buck had been there in that moment when Eddie and Shannon had thought she might be pregnant again, and Eddie hadn't exactly been ecstatic about that possibility, had he? He knew how much Eddie wrestled with missing so much of Christopher's early years. 

"Sometimes, lately," he admitted carefully, watching Buck's face for a reaction. "In the last seven months or so."

Buck blinked and Eddie glimpsed a shimmer of tears before he blinked again and they were gone. 

"You-you want that? With me?" 

Eddie reached for Buck's hand entwining their fingers, raising it his lips and kissing the back of it. 

"Baby, we're already doing it," he reminded him. "Kid down the hall, remember? But if you're asking me if I want more kids, with you? Yes. I want everything with you, Evan." 

Buck gaped at him a little, and Eddie could almost see the gears in his head turning. 

"Okay," he said a little breathlessly. "But how- I mean, what method-" 

Eddie cut him off with a groan, reaching for Buck's phone before he could and moving over Buck to put the phone on the wireless charger to charge for the night. 

"No," he protested, grabbing Buck's hand again before he could reach for the phone and tugging him closer, their bodies naturally entwining beneath the covers like it was second nature, because now it was. "Tomorrow, okay? You can go down the rabbit hole of research and get all the facts and make me a fancy PowerPoint presentation, or- what's that one Chris loves playing with?"

"Canva," Buck replied, smiling against Eddie’s neck. "And when have I ever made you a PowerPoint presentation?" 

"Oh, yeah because Christopher came up with the fifteen slides on why he should get a dog for his next birthday on his own," Eddie rolled his eyes. 

"He could have. Your kid's pretty smart, Eds."

"There were source citations, Buck."

Buck paused, so Eddie clearly won that one. He only moved to turn off the lamp, and then moved right back so his body was pressed against Buck's. They’d left the bedroom window open an inch in the hopes of creating an air flow, but so far all it was giving them was the serenade from the crickets in the hedge beneath the window. Eddie closed his eyes, letting the darkness settle over them like another blanket and creating the perfect symphony of the crickets, Buck’s soft breaths and the faint rustle of sheets to lull him to sleep. This was the only sleep playlist he ever needed and you couldn’t find it on Spotify. 

"Kids, huh?" 

Buck's voice was barely a whisper and Eddie reached through the dark for his hand again. 

"Kids," he confirmed, unable to help but picture a baby with Buck's blue eyes and think of how much Christopher would love being a big brother. 

"You're gonna have to marry me first, Diaz," Buck said after a moment, a teasing lilt in his tone. 

Eddie grinned, moving closer to brush his lips against Buck’s. "I can do that," he promised. 

He made a mental note to text Maddie sometime soon, to see if she'd be up for helping him look at engagement rings.